Summary - Mousewhisker and Hollyleaf have conversations about snow, sin, and snuggling.
Peace
Mousewhisker opened his eyes and somehow, the world was both black and white at the same time.
Oh, he thought. It's snowing.
That would explain why icicles formed at the lip of the Warriors' Den, crystal clear and beautiful and dangerous. If the den was fuller then the newest warriors would sleep right underneath those sharp tips.
At least no one will be impaled tonight. If he were a little younger then he could have put a playful spin on the thought, but now it just sounded morbid. Discouraged, Mousewhisker thanked the Dark Forest for tainting his sense of humor.
His eyes drifted from the icicles to the snow outside of the den. After a moment, Mousewhisker shook the frost from his pelt and tiptoed closer to the entrance. Fresh, untouched snow blanketed every inch of the camp. He raised his eyes to the half-moon suspended in Silverpelt, the one bright spot in a sea of black.
It was a pretty sight. Mousewhisker wished it were uglier.
"Mousewhiser? What are you- oh. Graystripe was right."
As pawsteps followed her voice, Mousewhiser's jaw hardened. He refused to see Hollyleaf in his peripheral vision as she appeared beside him, which was fine, because Hollyleaf wasn't looking at him anyway. Like him, her green eyes were transfixed on the moon-high landscape.
Then she sighed and said, "The dawn patrols will take forever to sort tomorrow. No one is going to want to patrol in this."
When she first became deputy Mousewhisker was determined to give Hollyleaf the silent treatment, but he couldn't stop himself from retorting, "You're the deputy, why do you care? It's not like anyone can disobey your orders."
Was Hollyleaf also refusing to look at him, or was he still invisible to her? She gave the barest of shrugs and said, "I want to keep my warriors happy. If morale is high then everything is easier."
'My warriors'. Where did she find the nerve? He thought about asking her, but tossed the idea. He had just acknowledged her deputyship, and besides. Everyone knew that ThunderClan would belong to her.
Instead he asked, "Why are you awake?"
"Just woke up, I guess. What about you?"
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye; she was still taking in the scenery. Fox-dung. "I was cold. I didn't line my nest last night."
Now she looked at him. "You mean, after I told everyone to line their nests?"
"Yeah." He had the decency to look sheepish. "I guess you can't stop cats from disobeying your orders after all."
Hollyleaf's lips pulled into a frown. "I don't give orders for fun, Mousewhisker; I do it to help you. I don't understand why you insist on being difficult."
Mousewhisker opened his mouth to retort, but he couldn't find the words to convey his frustration, or his own confusion, or even explain why he insisted on being difficult because the truth was he didn't really understand it either.
He closed his mouth and looked away from Hollyleaf, but he wasn't really looking at the snow either. Beside him, he felt Hollyleaf shift away.
For a long, tense moment, neither warrior spoke. The only sound that filled the space between them was the occasional owl's hoot, and the gentle snowfall.
"When I was younger, I hated snow," Hollyleaf finally murmured. "I couldn't surprise prey, and snowballs clung to my pelt and weighed me down. I still have a hard time hunting in it, but now I look at it differently."
Against the bitter voice that reminded him of his silent treatment plan, Mousewhiser asked, "What changed?"
"I changed," she replied. "When I was younger, I was innocent. But then Squirrelflight revealed the truth about our parents and I felt… tainted. Like my innocence was ripped away from me before I ever killed Ashfur."
Mousewhisker's gaze snapped to Hollyleaf, eyes wide; she had never spoken to him about Ashfur before. Her own gaze was cast across the camp, somewhere far away.
"I struggled with that for a long time. I thought that my sin was as black as my pelt and that everyone could see it. But one night, before I returned to ThunderClan, I went into the snow." Her voice softened. "It looked just like the camp does now; pure white, untouched. Innocent. Maybe it sounds silly, but I felt like the snow washed my sins away, and I found peace."
Finally she turned her gaze to him, and he expected her green eyes to match her voice; but they were icicles. Crystal clear and beautiful and dangerous, sharp enough to impale his soul and force his walls down.
"What about you?"
Mousewhisker thought it would be appropriate now more than ever to look back at the snow, but her gaze froze him. "I used to like the snow. Now it just reminds me of cats."
"Cats that are… gone?"
He thought of Icecloud, who caught more prey than anyone else in leaf-bare; of Foxleap, who lived to start snowball fights on border patrols; of Hazeltail, who despised the snow and all things chilly;
He thought of Minnowtail, who once told him that she thought Snowkit was the most darling name, and now she was expecting someone else's' kits.
"Yeah," Mousewhisker said, voice hollow. "They're all gone now."
He wasn't sure how much Hollyleaf understood, but she nodded and didn't press him any further. Instead she stood to her paws and said, "Come on, you need your sleep. You're on tomorrow's dawn patrol."
"What?!" Mousewhisker hissed, remembering to keep his voice down at the last moment. "Why me?"
Hollyleaf shot him a smug little smirk. "Consider it a reminder to obey my future orders. But I'm not wholly cruel; I'll let you share my nest tonight."
If Mousewhisker weren't so caught off guard he might've noticed that despite her steady voice and sharp eyes, she didn't put much confidence behind the order. But Mousewhisker stared at her with wide eyes and asked, "Like, both of us sleep in your nest? Together?"
Hollyleaf raised a brow. "Yes?"
"Isn't that…" he trailed off. "Strange?"
"Not as strange as freezing to death in your own nest," Hollyleaf retorted. "Look around, Mousewhisker; most cats are sharing nests tonight."
Well, he couldn't argue with that. His gaze swept the den and he noted that Cloudtail and Brightheart were sharing a nest, along with Rosepetal and Toadstep, and Cherryfall and Molewhisker, and Berrynose and Poppyfrost. Except they're mates, or littermates. Hollyleaf and I are… we're…
He looked back at the she-cat, whose pelt blended seamlessly into the darkness so that only her green eyes pierced him. I don't hate her, he thought, his shoulders slumping. I just hate myself.
"I'm just trying to keep my warriors happy, Mousewhisker," Hollyleaf murmured. "When morale is high, it's-"
"Easier to wake them for the dawn patrol," Mousewhisker finished.
Hollyleaf's smirk returned. "Exactly."
Mousewhiser looked over his shoulder one last time. Silverpelt was still dark, but dawn came early, and Hollyleaf was a force to be reckoned with when it came to sorting her patrols.
He sighed, but silently stepped over his thin nest and settled down in hers. Immediately he could feel the difference the moss lining made, and he berated himself for being so difficult. Then Hollyleaf laid down beside him, and wow, what a difference she made.
"The apprentice inside of me is thrilled right now," he meowed. Hollyleaf laughed, and it suffocated any tension that remained.
"And yet, you fight me at every turn. Why is that?"
Mousewhisker laid his head on his paws, eyelids suddenly heavy. "I don't hate you."
She looked at him and again, he wondered how much she understood. "I just want you to find peace, Mousewhisker."
"Maybe I should spend more time with the snow."
"Maybe," Hollyleaf agreed. She leaned her head against his, and he almost felt guilty for never wondering who was warming Minnowtail's nest.
"Goodnight, Hollyleaf."
"I'll see you bright and early, Mousewhisker."
And right there, in Hollyleaf's nest as the snow washed the earth clean, Mousewhisker found peace.
I never had a clear idea of what I wanted this one-shot to be, other than Hollyleaf talking about snow. That's why it feels messy and unfinished but I still enjoyed writing it. Broody Mousewhisker and Deputy Hollyleaf warms my shippers heart! I've been thinking about a Hollyleaf!Lives AU for some time now, so I guess this is apart of that universe.
If you don't follow me on Tumblr, then this one-shot is inspired by the contest that I'm holding! The deadline for contest submissions is January 12th so if you want to participate, visit my Tumblr for details.
Happy beleated Holidays! I hope everyone is being kind to themselves, and to others.