DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction for which we will receive no compensation, especially since all characters belong to a different Stephenie. But this story helped save the babies, which we are all for.

Thank you to maplestyle who had to work until midnight last night so she probably didn't get to look this over. We appreciate you hard.

Chapter 33

Bella survived the day with most of her sanity intact. She was too busy with the senator's case to hear the gossip about Cullen's KO in the lobby, and the few foolish enough to ask her about it were met with stone-faced silence.

As for Cullen himself, Bella hadn't seen him all day, the grapevine suggesting The Chief had him in aggressive testing to ensure his famous hand had suffered no damage. She knew he'd at least gotten an x-ray, escorted there by Dr. Crowley, and knew that if something had gone wrong, Crowley would have told her.

The Chief Resident wasn't half bad when he wasn't yelling.

"Did you survive the day?" Jake asked, sitting beside Bella in the intern's locker room.

"Yes, thank God." She pulled out a fresh pair of socks. "And thank you for taking Dr. McCarty off my hands."

"No problem."

"How's he doing?"

"Fine. My stitches will fade in time, which is a shame because they're impeccable."

"Poor you," Bella said, shoving her foot into a flat ankle boot.

"I know. Maybe he'll run face-first into a buzzsaw or something."

"One can only hope." Bella came to her feet. "Now come with me to Sam's, so I can buy you a drink."

Jake's face brightened. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He grabbed his coat and bag. "Bet!"

They entered Sam's together, welcoming the warmth. Jake blew into his cold hands and angled his head toward the corner. "I'll grab a table."

"Okay."

Bella headed to the bar, surprised to see Colin and Jared instead of Sam. She ordered spicy wings and onion rings and carried two beers back to the table where Jake waited.

"Food should be ready in a minute," she said.

"Thanks." He took his beer. "What should we toast to?"

Bella pursed her lips then raised her bottle. "To impeccable stitches."

Jake laughed, clinking his bottle against hers. "To impeccable stitches."

They twisted off their caps and took a sip, Jake nodding approvingly. "Good choice."

She shrugged. "I know my way around a bar."

"So..." Jake set his bottle on a coaster. "What do you think about the—"

"Sorry." Bella leaned to one side, pulling her buzzing pager off her hip. She blinked at the number before looking at Jake. "I'll be right back."

Bella returned to the bar, waving Jared over. "Did someone page me?"

"From here?" Jared shook his head. "Wasn't us."

"It was me," Sam said, emerging from the door to the back part of the bar. "Didn't think you'd get here so quick."

"I was already here. Is everything okay?"

"With me? Yeah. But, uh..." He came closer, lowering his voice. "Are you alone?"

"Jake is with me. Why?"

Sam watched Bella a moment then motioned for her to come around the bar. "I need to show you something."

Bella followed Sam behind the bar and down a long hall. He made a left then a right then paused outside a room, glancing at her before turning the knob.

"Oh my god," Bella said as she stepped in the room and saw what was waiting there.

Rather, who was waiting there: Edward was slumped over a small round table, his mouth agape as he snored.

"What the hell is he doing here?" she asked.

"I didn't see him come in, but Colin pointed him out about an hour ago. Passed out in a corner booth."

"How bad was it?"

"Bottle of scotch."

"Oh."

"In two hours."

"New record, I'm sure."

"Yeah. I brought him back here before someone from the hospital saw him."

"That was kind of you." Bella shook her head, sighing. "So why'd you page me? To get his address or something?"

"No. He, uh..." Sam palmed the back of his neck. "He kept saying your name."

"What?"

Edward grunted as he shifted in the chair, turning his head toward the wall. "Bella..."

Sam looked at her. "See?"

Bella pinched the bridge of her nose. After the day she'd had, the last thing she wanted to deal with was a drunk-off-his-ass Edward.

Then she remembered the day he'd had, the blast from his past that imploded all over his work life, and she pitied him.

She turned to Sam. "Give me a minute."

Bella made her way back to the main floor, beelining for her table. Jake had a stack of bare chicken bones on his plate, his fingers covered in buffalo sauce.

"I tried to wait for you," he said. "But there's a few left. Plus all the celery."

"It's fine. Listen." She sat down, scooting close to him. "I need your help with something."

"Okay."

"But I don't want you giving me shit about it."

"Would I do that?" Bella eyed him, and he laughed. "Yeah, I totally would."

"I know you would, but I need you not to." She lowered her voice. "It's important to me."

Jake sucked the sauce from his fingers, rolling his eyes. "Fine. But you owe me one."

"One what?"

He grabbed a handful of onion rings. "To be determined."

Jake paid for the food, waved off Bella's attempt to leave the tip, and followed her behind the bar. When he walked in the room and saw Cullen keeled over the table, he stopped in his tracks.

"Hold up! Is that McAssHat?"

Bella sighed. "What did I say?"

"Aw, Swan, this is entrapment."

"It's called being a decent person. Now help Sam get him to the service door while I bring around my car."

Bella stopped at the bar to grab a few bottles of water in case Edward woke up then drove around back. Sam and Jake dragged Edward to the car, Sam bearing most of the weight while Jake complained, and threw him and his coat in the backseat. Edward grumbled without opening his eyes, muttering something about Monopoly and apple pie, then resumed his drunken snoring.

"You're a saint," Sam said to Bella after closing the back door.

Bella snorted. "Or a sucker."

"Why don't we split the difference and say you're a good friend?"

Bella's heart clenched. "Thanks for paging me."

"No problem." Sam tapped the hood of her car twice. "Take care, Bella."

She pulled out of the parking lot and turned on the radio, hoping to drown out Jake's coming questions.

"I get why Sam would call you, since you work at the hospital and are the most normal doctor he knows," Jake said at the first stoplight. "But why didn't he call Drunkward a cab?"

"Because... well, he lives far out... like an hour..." She eased into a bend in the road. "Like on the ferry boat."

"And how do you know that?"

She looked out the window. "No comment."

They drove silently for fifteen minutes and pulled onto the ferry boat. To her surprise, Jake didn't question her further, and outside of their idle chit-chat, the only sounds between them was Edward snoring.

Until Bella heard the click of a camera.

"Jacob Black!" She snatched his phone. "What are you doing?"

"What? He's drooling, Swan." He took back his phone, snapping another picture. "This is worth at least a hundred bucks."

"I asked you to behave."

"You asked me not to give you shit." He changed angles and took another series of photos. "And I'm not."

She rolled her eyes. "You're impossible."

"I've been called worse." After a few more pics, he put his phone away. "You wanna tell me why you're doing this or should I just guess?"

"Neither." She turned to him brightly. "Let's talk specialties. You have an interest in ortho, right?"

"The arrangement was called off," Jake mused as if she hadn't spoken. "Yet here you are, dragging Cullen home when setting him up in a hotel or dropping him at the hospital would have been easier."

"I didn't want anyone seeing him like this," she said, wincing at her concerned tone.

Jake looked at her, his eyes widening. "Oh, Swan. Don't tell me you—"

"I'm not telling you anything."

"You don't have to," he murmured, looking away. The silence between them was tense and tight, and Jake shook his head. "You want me to kill him?"

"What? No."

"Beat his ass?"

"Also no."

"Give you half of the proceeds from the pictures?"

She laughed. "No."

"Ah, there it is. The sound that lets me know you're gonna be okay." He smiled softly. "Most beautiful sound in the world."

Jake looked away, suddenly uncomfortable, and Bella's eyes widened. "You think my laugh is the—"

"Now, don't get a big head on me, Swan," he said, forcing a laugh. "Just because you're kind, gorgeous, and freakin' medical royalty doesn't mean I'd give my left nut to trade places with the drunk bastard in the backseat you're in love with." He glanced at her, honesty and humor dancing in his eyes. "Doesn't mean that at all."

"Jake..."

He wagged his finger at her, tutting softly. "Don't apologize or deny it. I may be a chiseled Adonis with the most talented tongue on the West Coast, but I also have eyes. And I can see you've got eyes for Cullen."

She looked away, her heart in knots. "That's... I mean, that's..."

"A lot of depth for a man-whore?" He snorted. "Tell me something I don't know."

They drove in silence the rest of the way, Jake sitting up straight as they climbed the hill to Edward's place.

"A lake plus this view?" He whistled through his teeth. "No wonder you're in love."

"Shut up," she hissed as Edward stirred in the back.

Jake looked at Edward in the rearview then back at Bella. "Wait, he doesn't know?"

"No... I mean, yes... I mean..." She sighed, putting the car in park. "It's complicated."

Jake looked out the window at the gleaming trailer where Cullen evidently lived. "No shit."

"Who... you callin... shit?" Edward mumbled in the backseat.

"He speaks," Jake said.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Don't encourage him."

They opened the back door where Edward was curled up, his black trench coat serving as a makeshift blanket. He usually kept his keys in the inner pocket of his coat, and Bella leaned over him to reach inside.

Edward stirred, a slow smile spreading across his face. "There she is."

Bella froze in place above him. "What?"

"I'd know your scent anywhere." Bleary eyes popped open as he ran his hands over her legs. "Fuck, I've missed yo—"

"Stop it," she hissed, swatting his hands away to dig in his coat. "I need to get your keys."

"Are you staying?" he drawled, his eyes rolling shut. "Stay with me, baby... don't leeeeeeav..."

He trailed off as his head lolled to one side, and Bella yanked out the keys and scurried out of the backseat. She felt Jake watching her but didn't look at him.

"I'm going to unlock the trailer," she said. "You bring him in."

Jake nodded. "Whatever you say."

Bella fled to the trailer, unlocking the door with a shaky hand. She rushed inside, flipping on a light then came to a halt. Empty takeout boxes and medical journals covered every surface. Well, the ones not covered with empty liquor bottles. His luggage from their trip was shoved against a wall, and Bella's heart hurt at the familiar sight.

"Dammit, Edward," she muttered, hunting under the kitchen sink for a trash bag.

***STYB***

Outside, Jake hadn't moved. He knew Bella wanted him to get Cullen to his trailer, but he wasn't terribly inclined to help the man.

Not when watching him suffer was this much fun.

Edward turned over again, curling up with his coat, and mumbling "Bella" for the third time in two minutes. Jake wanted to be pissed – after all, he'd noticed Bella at the intern mixer, when Cullen hadn't even bothered to show up, and quickly saw what a total bad-ass she was. He'd made her laugh, helped her come out of her shell, and told her she was hot every chance he got.

But Jake realized his problem: he was too normal and well-adjusted for Swan. A girl like that needed someone who needed her, and no one was needier than Cullen. Even if he was too much of a clueless asshole to see it.

"Hey." Jake nudged Edward with his foot. "Hey, Fuckward."

Edward mumbled something unintelligible.

"Hey!" Jake yelled, shaking his leg with force.

"What the..." Edward groaned, one glassy eye peering at Jake. "Black has a twin?"

"No, shithead. Your drunk ass is seeing double." Jake stood back, angling his head toward the trailer. "Get up."

Edward rubbed his head. "What?"

"Get up and go in the house... or the trailer or whatever."

Edward ran his tongue over his teeth, frowning at the taste. "Ummm, no."

With that, he fell back into the seat, his eyes fluttering shut.

"Dude, I'm not carrying your heavy ass over there."

"Mmmm, 's okay," Edward sighed. "Sleep here."

"No, no sleep here." He leaned into the car and grabbed Edward by the collar. "You've ruined enough of Bella's life for one night."

"Bella?" Edward sat up quickly, nearly head-butting Jake. "She's here?"

"You're in the backseat of her car, genius."

"Ohhhh... yeah..." Edward ran his hand fondly over the leather seats. "Henry VIII was a cool dude."

Jake rubbed his eyes, looking away. "Trippin."

"Henry VIII was... was..." His cheeks puffed as his stomach lurched. "I don't feel so good..."

"What do you..."

Jake's sentence was interrupted by the sound and sensation of Edward leaning forward and hurling... all over Jake's sneakers.

"Fuck, man!" he yelled, backing away. "These are suede!"

Edward sat up, smiling sleepily. "Better now."

Jake grimaced and groaned, unable to keep still. The thought of touching his shoes to take them off was gross, but the idea of leaving them on grossed him out even more.

"Think, man, think..." he muttered, still dancing.

He opened the passenger side door and glove compartment, grabbing a handful of napkins. Using them to untie the laces, he stepped out of his sneakers and socks, holding them as far from his body as possible as he hurried toward the trailer.

Banging on its door with his elbow, he stepped back so Bella could open it.

"Jake, where's—" Bella stopped when she saw what was in his hand. "What happened?"

"Tell you later." He raised his eyebrows and looked to one side. "Could you move?"

Bella backed away as Jake dropped his shoes and socks in the trash, beelining for the sink to wash his hands. He lathered and rinsed several times, the steam from the scalding water filling the space.

When at last he finished, Bella handed him some paper towels. "Better?"

"Maybe if I set my feet on fire."

"You wanna tell me what happened?"

"Not even a little." Jake spotted one of Edward's suitcases and popped it open. He grabbed two clean pairs of socks, leaning against the counter to put them on. "You owe me big time, Swan."

"Noted."

Jake looked around as he put on the socks, finally taking in the place. Bella had thrown away all the trash, recycled the empty bottles, and washed the few dishes. With Esme's nagging voice in her ear, she also wiped the counter and swept the floor, unable to call the kitchen "clean" until she did. She stopped short of making the bed, even though it was in the very front of the room, but the place looked better than she'd found it.

"So this is where the magic happens?" Jake asked. "Not what I expected, but Cullen's been full of surprises tonight."

"Yeah."

Jake looked at Bella, wondering at the questions in her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She forced a smile. "I just wanna get him in here so we can get out of here."

"Then let's go."

They returned to the car to find Edward semi-upright and fast asleep. Bella ignored the memory of the last time she saw Edward asleep and focused on the task of helping Jake.

In truth, Bella didn't need Jake's help. Once Bella looped Edward's arm around her neck, Edward was all too willing to go wherever she led. She secured her other arm around his waist, and Edward leaned against her shoulder as they stumbled their way toward the trailer. Jake grabbed his coat and jogged ahead to open the door. Despite Edward's drunken haze, he must have realized he and Bella were alone, if the way he snuggled closer was any indication.

"Mmmm..." he hummed, burying his nose in her neck. "Just like in my dreams..."

Bella suppressed a shiver, ignoring competing urges to pull him closer or shove him down the mountain. "Almost there," she said.

"That's what you said before the last time I made you come," he murmured. "Do you remember?"

Bella all but shoved him into Jake's arms when they reached the door, startling him.

"He was getting heavy," she said, shaking out her arms. "I'm gonna wait in the car."

"Be right there," Jake said.

He dragged Cullen up the stairs, shoving him onto the bed with more force than necessary.

"Hey!" Edward cried, though it came out as a pitiful whine. "That was... hey..."

"Get some sleep," Jake spat. "Then get your shit together. You don't deserve her, but she damn sure deserves better than this. And if you can't give it to her, let her go so she can find someone who can."

Edward couldn't raise his head, though out of guilt or nausea, Jake couldn't tell. He threw Cullen's coat at him, and a wallet fell out. While Cullen disentangled himself from his coat, Jake picked up the wallet and pulled out a wad of bills.

"This could cover my shoes and the trauma of you hurling on them," he muttered, slamming the trailer door behind him.

"Fuck," Edward muttered, grabbing his head with a lengthy groan. He laid his coat on one side of the bed, kicked off his shoes, and crawled up the other side of the bed, dragging a heavy comforter over his tired body.

As he closed his eyes again, haunting images swam behind his burning lids:

Emmett talking to Bella.

Emmett laughing with Bella.

Bella smiling at Emmett.

Bella in Connecticut.

Bella in the hotel.

Bella on top of him.

Bella beside him.

Bella.

Bella.

Bella.

The sharp pain in his head intensified, echoing in his heart. With a guttural groan, Edward pulled a lacy blue negligee from under his pillow. He put it up to his nose, inhaling its fading floral scent, then fell into a deep but uneasy sleep.

How much do we love Sam? And do we pity Edward? At all?

Story rec: Chance Music by AushaPasha

Thanks for sticking with us and this zany story. We love it so much... but not as much as we love all of you. See you in two weeks! XO