Sorry for the delays guys! I caught Covid a little while back last year, and now I'm dealing with more difficulties with my fainting spells and memory loss (Great start of a new year lol). So I'm just going to go ahead and publish what I got right now. Sorry if the style seems to change drastically through the chapters as I keep writing more, its a struggle now trying to phrase things in my mind and write them down. I keep forgetting things lol. But I'm not giving up!

Again, my apologies, and please let me know what you think about the chapters! Feedback always encourages me to focus and try harder, so I'd appreciate it! ^.^

~Florafawn

The numbness invading my body as I floated in the dark was troubling. Familiar. Even as I struggled to remember why.
But then it came to me as I drifted in the hollow space filled with choking quiet. The nothingness pressing in. It was the same darkness that invaded my dreams prior. Except... not. Not really. Something was different.

Honestly I wasn't sure how. Or why, for that matter. I couldn't think well through the haze that enveloped my mind. But I could feel it.

I knew that something was missing. A feeling, of something, that wasn't there. Something that I knew I should be alarmed by, but I couldn't bring myself to even do so. Couldn't even remember why I should, really. I simply was. Drifting. Waiting, for... something.
But I wasn't sure if that something, was the same something, that I had lost.

Fingers twitched unconsciously as I stared ahead, expression blank.

….Was I... supposed to be looking for something? Or, some... one?

I didn't know. I could only feel.

Memories trickled in slowly as time passed. It felt like days, months, years. But strangely I knew it was only hours. And wasn't hours a strange concept?
A part of me wanted to laugh, but maybe I already did. I couldn't recall if I had. Time just felt... funny, in my body. Like it wasn't supposed to be there at all. But it was. And the events from my previous dream replayed with crystal clarity as it passed. Pulling my attention to the way the darkness wrapped around me like thick wool at times, suffocating.

Finding a part of myself through the flashing memories felt wrong, like I wasn't supposed to be there. Wasn't supposed to know anything beyond the dark.

Yet... I still found myself looking up. Wishing with a pang in my heart to see Aerith above me, reaching out her hand.

Wishing to take it.

But there was only the dark, clouding my senses like cotton.

Until the sudden nauseating prick of a needle came through.

I could only muster a sluggish ripple of alarm at the sensation, the memories, it brought with it, but it was enough to pull at my consciousness a little more. Just long enough to hear murmuring voices around me. They were faint, but I strained to focus on them anyway.

"-think he'll-"

"Mother is-"

"-soon."

A small frown fought its way to my lips at the disjointed words.

….Mother? What...

The same voices again, just as soft. But clearer this time.

"Should we-"

"No, wait until-"

"- stay awake this time-"

A twitch, barely noticeable from my fingers where I could suddenly feel them resting on soft fabric, -a bed, I dimly realized- before I felt myself begin to fade out again. Consciousness slipping through my fingers once more like water.

All to soon, I was drifting back to the darkness.

Strange, how it seemed to welcome me. When it was so cold.

I couldn't suppress the shiver, a little more aware now as I drifted. Why was I here again? Why was I here at all? It was a valid question, one that seemed to spark something inside me. Blinking at the dark, I tried to focus myself a little more. To place the voices I had heard earlier.

Every part of me felt exhausted for some reason, wanted to sleep and put the voices behind me, begged really, but I couldn't. I had the feeling I shouldn't. That I needed to stop the feeling of shifting sand in my mind before it was too late.
And strangely I had to agree with myself on that one, as more memories came pouring in. This sensation... It was far too similar to my time in Mako to be comforting.

But I still couldn't understand. My thoughts drawing a blank even as I struggled through my memories to find a reason why. Why, everyone was talking about my mother.

Tifa I could get, seeing as she knew her from even before the night Nibelheim burned, but... even so, Barret? Yuffie? None of the others ever brought her up. They respected that, gave me my privacy, as they knew how everything was still affecting me. Only Tifa ever talked to me about the past. So why- Why were they...?

My fingers spasmed again, my body beginning to respond to my building desire to move. To see something besides the endless dark.

This time I fought against the Pull. The comforting whispers to sleep, to let go. I pushed out against them instead. Against the darkness itself.
Pain arched through my mind with the effort, but I stubbornly ignored it, forging ahead as the sensation of my body returned to me. Much more distorted than I would've liked, but it gave me reassurance none the less. The fact I was waking at all, against a Pull so strong, could only mean something good. Experience taught me that the hard way.

Coming to this time was easier, but still I felt heavy. Not used to the sensation of a body, even though I knew that didn't make any sense.

Why wouldn't I be used to it? I've always had one.

It was... strange. To say the least.

But dimly I realized why.

This out of body experience was the same as my time with Mako poisoning. The same as when I was coming back to myself, after losing control to a bad Pull. The disjointed sensations of not belonging only there because my mind couldn't process everything suddenly coming back to me at once.

A feeling I hated with a passion. It felt like prickling needles travelling across my entire body as muscles twitched and spasmed. Focus whispering in and out as much as I struggled against losing it. Thankfully something else caught my attention though, distracting me from it all. The feeling of something cool pressed against my back, twisting in my fingers.

My brows furrowed as once more soft fabric rustled against skin.

….Where was I?

Something was definitely wrong. This wasn't simply me passing out of exhaustion, during one of the few nights of rest Avalanche and I actually had in our mission to stop Sephiroth. The voices from before were off, the warmth and sounds of a crackling fire that should be going, gone. Even the smell was wrong. Warm vanilla, instead of the heady scent of wet earth after rain. And there was rain. I was certain of it. There was a storm overhead, right before I- before I...

Before I what?

Unease trickled into my heart, a strange knowing pull to wake chiming almost painfully against my skull now as my breaths came faster. Body spasming slightly again.

I didn't understand. The last thing I remembered-

"Brother?"

I stiffened.

It was a quiet voice, barely a murmur in the static that was beginning to consume me, yet I snatched onto it. Holding it in my mind even as the thought of Brother sent a shiver down my spine.

Someone shifted by my side, a small rustling accompanying the movement before a hand brushed against my forehead. It was light, almost in concern.
But it didn't matter.

It was like something exploded inside my mind at just the touch. Pain rushed through me, dimly leaving me aware of the accompanied scream I could hear beyond it. Though I was yanked back into numbing, blissful darkness before I could determine if it was me or not. It didn't feel like it was though. It was far to feminine, full of hate, to be mine.

But a new voice came to me as I fell into dark this time.
It's mere presence bringing with it the cool feeling of water to my suddenly heated body. Drenching the fire that had set my insides ablaze. I opened my eyes to the waiting darkness wearily.

"Don't go, Cloud." A woman's voice echoed, soft, begging. Familiar. "I'm here for you... just... let me in."

A whole sentence this time, yet I found it far more confusing than the disjointed ones from before.

Who was it...?

I felt like it was important. To know. But I couldn't remember. My memories suddenly felt scrambled all over again as I stood in the dark, leading me to confusion.

Why did the voice sound so familiar? Why did it want me to let it in?

"Oh Cloud..." Soft, but sad this time. "Wait for me..."

A bell chimed, and the image of flowers flashed with blinding light. New memories trickling in like drops of water.

...Aerith?

My eyes widened at just the thought. Just as a sudden flash of light from above had me looking up. A single petal drifted down, lighting the darkness around me as it fell.

Slowly I reached my hands up to catch it. Surprised I could even move. Another chime, this time accompanied by the sound of rushing water as the petal landed gently in my waiting palms. A faint voice drifting to me as softly as a breeze.

"Hurry. Cloud..."

Recognition sparked once more. Hearing Zack's voice I jerked my head up again, just in time to see a column of light pierce the darkness sharply overhead.

My body tensed. I knew what to do without being told. Instincts surged. Without a second thought I let go of the petal as it disappeared into small flecks of light, quickly reaching up through them towards the larger light shining down. Certain I saw her hand waiting for me. Certain I saw him, as well.

Just as something else pulled me down.

I jerked awake with a gasp. Desperate for air as the feeling of Mako filled my lungs. Muscles shivering and aching, I sat up quickly. The urge to escape sending my arm thrashing violently to the side, blindly lashing out. The thought of Hojo, of being in the labs again, pressing down.

Dimly I was aware of covers sliding down to my waist as I panted for breath. Of the cool breeze now hitting the flushed skin of my bare chest. But I was grateful for it, even as I shivered. It grounded me. Let me know that I wasn't being submerged in a tank again as I kept my pained eyes closed. This wasn't... there. I was... okay. At least, as much as I could be.

A part of me was concerned however to feel everything but my pants had been removed. But that wasn't the most concerning part.

….Where was Tsuragi?

I didn't even have to look to know where I was. To know I was there again. I recognized it easily as my memories came rushing back. The room in the Inn. It still smelt the same to my enhanced senses. The sounds even, of people walking on carpeted hallways easily placed. But why was I here still? I was confused. This was where I... and the Remnants-

A sharp breath hissed out of me as pain lanced through my skull.
That's right, I wasn't alone when I passed out. Where were they? I had to see. I couldn't hear them at all. And that wasn't acceptable. I needed to know.

Squinting I forced my eyes to open, ignoring their protests against the harsh and sudden light as I finally looked up. Blearily I noted how the light was coming from the open windows near the bed, the harsh noon sun filtering in through the curtains as they rustled lightly from the coming breeze. Peaceful, for most. But it only served to make the pain worse.

It felt like the worst hangover ever as I shakily raised my hand in front of my eyes, trying to block some of it out. A memory of a feeling I could only place because of Zack. It was his memory of getting drunk during his cadet days, not mine. Yet the comparison was there.

Seriously, what the hells happened? My dream was disjointed and surreal this time. Nothing like the ones previously. I honestly couldn't tell how much of it was just in my head, or if some of it was even reality fading in from time to time. Several parts distinctly blurred even as I tried to recall them. Had the part with the needle just been my imagination? A past memory fading in during the confusion and warping my senses? I... hoped so. Otherwise, nothing good came at just the thought. Why would the Remnants give me something while I was unconscious? More importantly, what would they possibly be giving me if it was real?

...Whatever the case, I didn't want to think about it. Certainly, most of the dream had to be false. It had to be.

A light chuckle at my grimace, an airy huff really, had me suddenly going still. Pulling me from my grim thoughts as I quickly looked to my right.

Silver and black in the chair beside the bed was all I could see for a moment. The image of Sephiroth flashing as long hair shifted in the breeze before me. A smirk tugging lightly onto lips, before the sudden buzzing sound in my ears cleared, and my vision shifted.

The sight of Kadaj instead greeted me as my eyes came into focus, a book open and resting in one hand as he leaned his face casually against the other. lips tilting in amusement even as a brow raised in question.

No. It wasn't Sephiroth. But the person there was almost as bad, especially considering what our last encounter had been. Tensing even more I lowered my hand, wanting to be ready for the coming fight.

I wasn't as good as Tifa when it came to using my hands, but I was good enough thanks to my enhanced speed. My practice spars between her and the others teaching me how to fight even without my sword. Though it wasn't my preferred method, my sword always being my go to in any kind of battle. But that clearly wasn't an option at the moment. I just hoped my weakened state would hold up if I suddenly had to leap away. As it was, the trembling in my arms and hands was hard to hide.

Stubbornly I clenched my jaw, eyes narrowing as he hummed softly. My full attention focusing on him.

"Did anyone ever tell you how funny your face looks?" He started in amusement.

"You just woke yet that same frown graces those deceptive little lips of yours." Kadaj closed the book slowly, a smirk in place. "Truly I must say, its quite endearing."

….Endearing? That was not what I had expected after waking up.
After everything that had happened, did he honestly expect me to brush aside what he did to me? To talk, of all things?

I couldn't stop the grimace. Okay, so maybe I couldn't really fight at the moment. But that didn't stop Cid's lovely language from making an appearance as my own tension over the whole situation finally came out. Today as well just wasn't my day. The whole week, really. And I was really fed up with that.

"Fuck off."

He actually laughed openly at that. A smile of coy mirth tilting smooth lips upward as he met my glare evenly. Surprisingly soft and warm, for just as surprising of an action.

If someone said the day would come were I'd make a Remnant of all people laugh, I would've called them crazy.
But that could've just been me. I certainly felt like I was going crazy right now. Since this wasn't the first time he had done so in my presence. Memories of before pushing forward and distracting me. Focus, idiot. I thought to myself with a frown. I didn't really have time for this. I needed answers. No, I needed to leave, then come back here with Reno in tow and beat the crap out of them. Then, get answers.

….Yeah. I liked that better.

As if sensing my thoughts from my dark expression Kadaj let his laugh die off to a soft hum.

"Feeling better, Brother?"

"..."

A chuckle. "No matter. You certainly seem well enough."

I couldn't suppress the instinctive jerk back as he suddenly tossed the book over, sending it to land in my lap. "I borrowed it, by the way. Hope you don't mind."

Brows furrowing at his airy dismissal of it I looked down, only now able to read the title printed across the cover in bold print.

Loveless

...Ah. I had honestly forgotten it was still on Fenrir. Stuck in a compartment for months now, it was only seeing the light of day again thanks to Kadaj.

Even given the situation, I felt like a shitty friend for not reading it yet. It had been a gift from Vincent awhile back, when we came across each other during one of my deliveries. It had surprised me, honestly. I didn't know he liked that kind of stuff. That he even liked me enough to share such a private thing about himself and give me a copy, even.

Though he didn't say either of those things out loud. It was more like a silent exchange between the two of us than anything.

He just walked up silently in that way of his, and handed it off before leaving with a small nod. No words. No anything. Just walked right past me. The warmth and surprise I felt from that action alone didn't leave any words in my mouth. I was quite literally speechless. By the time I had gotten my senses about me to ask why, he was already gone. Leaving me and the three older women chatting away excitedly a short distance away on the plaza alone.

Silently I vowed to take the time after all this to read it. I wasn't usually for poetry or the like, but there had to be something interesting about it for Vincent of all people to like it. I never pegged him for the Loveless type.

"I didn't think you were the Loveless type."

At my words echoed back at me in such an offhand manner, I blinked and looked up. Surprised to hear them mirrored by Kadaj.

Slower than I liked I managed a stunned, "...I'm not."

Again, that brow of his raised. "I don't judge you for it, Brother." Humor. "It's actually not that bad."

Yet again I blinked, doing what I felt was my best impression of a wide eyed goldfish. Seriously, I just woke up. I was expecting a fight more than anything, but this? A conversation about Loveless? I wanted to groan at the randomness of it all.

"No, I..." I shook my head. "It's from a friend."

I sounded a bit helpless even to myself. Red dusting across the top of my ears despite my best efforts. I don't know why I was trying to explain it to a Remnant of all people, honestly. But a part of me really wanted to clarify the situation.

Maybe... a part of me was embarrassed by the book...?

The image of me reading poetry certainly made me feel silly.

Stubbornly I ignored that thought, willing my embarrassment away before Kadaj decided to comment on it.
There were more important things to be focusing on right now. Like Kadaj. And the distinct lack of the other Remnants in the room. That was a major concern.

"...Where are the others?" I asked instead, not liking that I could only sense one of them.

The knowing look he gave me told me he noticed my change of subject, but thankfully dropped it. He hummed softly, crossing his legs lightly as he watched me. "Gone."

He smirked as I frowned.

"Don't be upset, Brother. We thought it would best if they weren't here when you woke. In case you... Snapped."

"..."

….What was that even supposed to mean? Did they think I was going to go berserk and take them down with my bare hands? The thought may have crossed my mind, but I wasn't a monster. Goddess, that wasn't even in my skill set against armed opponents like the Remnants. I wasn't Tifa.

"...Funny." I didn't think my voice could get any drier.

"Isn't it?" He returned offhandedly.

My eyes narrowed. "You talk as if I can't control myself. I'm not a monster."

He hummed softly again, brow raising in response.

"Truly?" A small smile. "I appreciate your faith in yourself Brother, but Mother can be quite ruthless sometimes. Best not to tempt her, hmm?"

Mother. There it was again. They knew what was happening to me. What had happened, before I passed out. And why there was resounding pain that pulsed dully in my mind at just the mention of her. Just the thought. Despite my best efforts, my body was trembling with exhaustion even now. My dream yet again having an physical effect on me. This time stronger than before. The fact I couldn't even remember it clearly even more troubling.

My hand clenched into a fist in the fabric, the will to move bodily to put distance between us there, but finding myself unable to. The strength still sapped from my body effectively leaving me in a tense state. I didn't want him to know my fighting strength probably couldn't even get me out of a wet paper bag at the moment, but I had the feeling he already knew. It was pathetic. No... I was.

"...What did you do to me?"

I came for answers. That was the whole point of meeting them. Of hiding it from my friends. And yet, here I was, defenseless after falling unconscious yet again in their presence.
I couldn't deny it any longer, even though that same part of me that continued to whisper to trust them was reluctant to believe it. They were up to something. And quite clearly, that something involved me. Or getting me out of the way, at least. Either way, nothing good could possibly come of it.

He blinked, almost in surprise as he put his hand to his chest in feigned shock. "Me? Why nothing, Brother. It was all Mother's doing, I assure you."

"I somehow doubt that." I muttered, not believing it for a second.

He simply scoffed at my glare.

"What, no thanks for saving you again? Don't be so cold, Brother. Mother was close to controlling you. I had to reactivate Sephiroth's cells just to fight her off."

I stiffened. What... did he just say...?

Ignoring my rising tension, he continued to frown and tilt his head to the side. "It was exhausting, you know. I didn't have to."

Didn't have to- At that something inside me did snap.

"Then why did you?" I bit back more sharply than intended.

Seriously. Just the thought of that mans cells humming away actively inside me again, calling, beckoning for Reunion, was putting me on edge. And they were humming. I could feel it now that I wasn't stubbornly trying to block them out. The call to relax and listen to the man before me so completely, even though he was only a Remnant, to give in... it was almost too strong to resist.

All the effort I used to will them back, to suppress his cells, was for nothing now.

I refused to look away from his eyes this time. To back down from the silent challenge. The colors I despised so much swimming together with an emotion I couldn't place as we continued to stare at each other.

"...You prefer I didn't?" He finally returned softly.

Hurt. I could feel it now. That strange bond between us suddenly pulsing open strongly, leaving me to wince.
He was actually hurt by the idea that I didn't want him to help me? It was ridiculous. Yet... I couldn't deny how real the feelings coming through the bond felt. The truth that rung in his words. My brows furrowed. Even so... Why would he want to save me from his mother?

"...I think..." I relented quietly. "You should start explaining yourself."

Everything, was left unsaid. But I knew it was heard. I wasn't leaving without answers. One way or another.

A moment passed as he stared, expression closing in thought as he frowned. Again, that same bond surged. Lighter this time, more controlled, yet I still felt it. The feeling that he was thinking of what to say coming through with a flicker. How much, to reveal. But just as quickly it faded out, leaving me tense.

"Hmm... Alright."

He stood in one smooth motion, his arm pulsing with color for a moment before he pulled that mysterious Materia out and tossed it to me. The very Materia that started this all.

I barely caught it in time in my surprise, my hand stopping it a few inches from my face.

"What are-"

"Relax Brother. Try to feel it now." He stayed standing as he watched. Arms crossing lightly in feigned disinterest. "Does it feel any different?"

What was he getting at...?

Hesitantly I glanced down to it, watching it pulse warmly in greeting as it seemed to preen under my attention. The same feeling of tingling wariness travelling up my arm from before.
Frowning I looked back to Kadaj, not sure if I should be telling him but pushing forward anyway.

"...No. It's the same."

He nodded, pleased. "Good. Then everything will still work according to plan."

"...What plan." I gripped the orb a little tighter.

"Why change, Cloud." I flinched at the use of my name, not liking how similar his voice sounded like Sephiroth's at that moment as he smiled.

"We're going to show the world what mere Remnants are capable of."

The foreboding was back full force. That line sounding eerily similar to something Sephiroth would say.

I was really beginning to regret agreeing to hear him out. For suggesting it. But it was already too late, as he stepped closer. The end of his clothes shifting to the side with barely a whisper as he offered his hand to me. Welcoming. Beaconing.

"And you're going to help us, Brother."