Only Human

by effinsusie

[COMPLETE] Winter is coming, and Kagome is prepared. A thoughtless wish binds Kagome to Sesshoumaru

33. Kids

A/N:

The abortion pill (RU486) is going to be mentioned in this chapter, and I'm trying to do it in a dark humor kind of way, so I just wanted you to be prepared for that. Also, my world (this world, right here) is operating like a parallel universe where modern day Japan's healthcare system, law enforcement, and social climate resemble that of the U.S. If you typically read the a/n's in my stories, I think you can guess why XD.

This chapter will be different from all the other chapters, so don't get used to it =)

---

Despite the warm, thick flannel of her down sleeping bag; Kagome woke up shivering.

The fire they'd built was still blazing hard, but the floor in the back of the deep cave was ice cold, and seeping through her layers. Already too close to the roaring flames for complete comfort; she gathered the material in her fists and scooted herself like an inch worm until reaching its heated perimeter.

She really missed Shippo in times like these. The little kit was always good for a snuggle, and right now; the courtesy would serve her well for more than simply boosting her body temperature.

But she was glad he wasn't here. She was actually grateful he got to miss out on this miserable little misadventure. Enough of her loved ones had been wrangled into this unfortunate journey, and with a stretch; she sat up in her bag and took a cursory inventory.

It was rare to find every one of her companions asleep at the same time, seeing as most of them were demon. But even Inuyasha, who made a point to stay up most nights and keep watch, was dead to the world – cuddled up cutely with Sango in his arms with his fire rat draped over them both. The miko didn't blame him one bit.

It hadn't yet been a week, but they were already at the halfway point on their journey home, and the speed and forgoing that it required to make such impressive time was obviously taking its toll.

The way up North required them to stop in each village – often for more than one day – to seek out their information from the townspeople. Not to mention, they'd only had Kirara to carry them. Now, with Ah-Un sharing her burden; it put less strain on the fire cat and allowed for faster travel as they skipped over towns – and often meals and sleep – in order to get back as quickly as possible. It was a rough itinerary, but no one was complaining. They all wanted to be home, like, yesterday.

Against the back wall; Jaken dozed beside the two-headed dragon with Rin sleeping up top, and beneath a hefty pile luxurious furs brought along for the occasion. Miroku took advantage of a fully transformed Kirara – her body heat likely providing him more warmth than the cheap blankets he slept under. Naturally, he'd invited Kagome to join him for 'safety purposes,' and naturally; she'd declined. But now, she was beginning to regret that decision. That left her alone in her bag, dangerously close to roasting herself in the back of the dreary cave.

Only one person was missing, and it didn't take much wondering to correctly predict where he was. When she concentrated; she could scent the now-familiar aroma of opium burning over the dominant smell of the fire, and frowned.

It had become a daily occurrence to catch Sesshoumaru taking advantage of the painkiller, not that he was trying in any way to hide it. Nobody else seemed at all concerned with the ex-dog demon's new habit, but she was becoming increasingly worried. Not that she didn't completely understand it.

The guy was hurting, inside and out, and for several painful and obvious reasons. She didn't doubt that the drug was responsible for allowing him to continue on with his typical apathetic demeanor. He had endured a lot of heartbreak, and was under a lot of stress, so she had made a deal with herself to give him some time and let him cope as he saw fit. But after the first few days; she had started to worry that his momentary escape might be more than that.

She worried that perhaps he had just given up all together.

Sesshoumaru was good at acting like he didn't care, but she knew that's what it was – an act. Now, she wasn't so sure. She had become concerned that once they took care of Rin's problem; he was resigned to simply run out the clock on his short human life as detached from it as he could possibly be.

He still remained certain that nothing could be done about his situation, but she hadn't given up hope. Kagome had vowed to fix him at all cost, and that's what she would do – even if it took the rest of her life.

But nothing could be done about it right now. And as the long days of travel offered very little by way of obligation or entertainment; she could see how he might not see any harm in numbing himself out for the duration of the trip.

In his view, he couldn't fight off any attackers – not that there were any – so their protection was mostly left to Inuyasha and Sango. All he had to do was sit stoically atop his dragon, and wait until they were tired enough or hungry enough to land.

Yes, the days were uneventful, and also silent. At least, on their little vessel. Despite his displeasure with her; she had been invited to ride with him, Rin and Jaken on Ah-Un for the duration of the journey. But even though not outrightly expressed; it was clear the reason for that was that he needed her to get through the well, so he ensured they wouldn't be separated. It also didn't hurt to have someone aboard to watch Rin, and keep her entertained and engaged. He was still obviously discomfited by her presence, therefore didn't speak to or acknowledge her unless it was necessary. With Kagome; it was even worse.

She'd long given up trying to engage the Western Lord in conversation, and he made it easy to ignore her by sitting up front, cross-legged on his beast. Jaken held up the back end to keep an eye on his charge, while the two human girls sat astride and with mostly themselves to keep company.

But when she took note that every time they landed, he would part from the group to indulge in his budding addiction; she finally gathered the nerve to approach him about it.

She didn't get too preachy. Just gently offered her concerns, as well as some statistics and information to support her claims, but her warnings went unheeded. She knew he was listening, but responded with little more than the occasional monosyllabic noises she was fast becoming reacquainted with. After a couple of tries; she decided to drop it.

The funny thing was, when he was high; he was almost in no way any different to his previously cold, nonverbal self. The only change was in his eyes.

A flash of lightening drew her attention to the far-off mouth of the cave, illuminating his sitting profile just inside. The boom of thunder was late and distant, letting her know the storm was passing, but rain still fell in sheets. It was likely the reason he wasn't out there now.

She only hesitated a moment before she decided to rise, and with another glance around at her sleeping companions; she began to close the long stretch between them in hopes of closing another.

It was now on-brand again when she claimed the seat at his side and he didn't acknowledge her. Just inside the mouth of the cave; pools of violent rainwater were gathering only inches from his knees. He was looking off into the turbulent darkness with his unaffected cadence, and brought the pipe to his lips once more – no doubt to flaunt his blatant disregard for her wishes, at least in part.

Gazing thoughtfully at his profile; she wished desperately to jump inside his head and climb around for even a moment. Maybe then she would know what to say.

Anything she concocted seemed so terribly insufficient, and she wondered if there was anything now that wouldn't be.

Regardless, she was not a quitter. She was, however, beginning to discover she was a masochist.

"How do I tell you how sorry I am?" she asked. A gentle, desperate plea that would go unanswered once again. He hadn't even indicated he'd heard her.

She had endeavored to give him time – as much as he needed to forgive her. But though it had only been a handful of days; his ongoing silence continued to push her out even further. She knew if she wasn't careful; he would lock himself beyond her reach forever.

Or perhaps she was just impatient. At this point, she would settle for a complete sentence from the man. Anything.

"Please, tell me how to make it right."

But he wouldn't even look her way. Somehow, it was worse than when he was being cruel to her. At least he acknowledged she existed back then.

She was used to his sharp tongue; she could work with that. This indifference... it wasn't indifference at all. It took work for him to be so aloof with her, considering how close they had been.

"I will do literally anything you want."

Large, pleading blue eyes burned into him intensely, looking for any fleeting sign of acknowledgement. But instead; he simply lifted the opium pipe to his tempting mouth, and blew another hit of potent smoke out into the heavy rain. She softened her approach.

"Can you at least talk to me? Yell at me, or something." Her eyes remained on him for another long beat.

"What would be the point?" he finally asked. Not even a glassy pupil slid in her direction, but the sound of his low baritone let her muscles relax just a little.

"Catharsis?" she tried hopefully. "Penance? Maybe a learning opportunity? Anything would be better than the cold shoulder." Her appeal looked to becoming unsuccessful, and she let just a fraction of her sadness show. It was still quite a lot. "You're acting like you don't care about me at all again, and I refuse to believe that's the case."

She became foolishly optimistic when he appeared to consider her request, only to have it beat back down in favor of returning to his precious pipe. She was gentle in her tenacity.

"Let's just talk. Tell me anything you want; I'm all ears."

As the last of the smoke left his lips; she boldly placed a hand on his arm, and tilted her head to reach his periphery. This felt like her last chance.

"Sesshoumaru..."

"Wishing on the jewel was a careless mistake, and you as its keeper should have known better." She was so pleased to have him speak to her that she nearly forgot to brace herself for an onslaught.

"It was a gross dereliction of your duty and hints at ineptitude." She refused to react, even if it was to agree with him. She was rewarded when his gaze finally drifted down to her, and she was afraid to move.

"But it was an accident," he easily conceded, as if it was nothing. "One I am fully confident you did not intend on making. And if that were the end of it; I would have been upset, but could have found my way to forgiving you quickly."

His eyebrows knitted in displeasure, accompanied by the faintest of scowls, and she knew what was coming next. As bad as the crime was, the coverup had somehow been worse.

"What makes me sick with outrage is the weeks of deception that followed," he added harshly. He straightened his back, and she didn't doubt it was to look down at her as far as he could through half-lidded eyes. He even lifted his nose in distaste. "You knew very well what happened to me, yet did not see fit to inform This One. Day after day, you continued to feign ignorance as I projected my intentions to return to my demon form, knowing full well it could not be done. Playing me for a fool. Insulting my intelligence and patronizing me."

She lifted her downtrodden gaze in a start. Most of what he said was true, but she had no idea he could never turn back. She had explained it to him before.

"I didn't-"

"Had I known," he continued sharply, "I could have begun making plans to reverse the wish – if it were possible - or preparing myself for humanity in the long term... as it were. Your ongoing deceit delayed me unnecessarily, wasting time and energy that could have been spent more efficiently."

It was hard to hear her sins recounted and seconded, so she dropped her eyes in reflective shame. But she could feel it when he turned to face her fully, and she forced through the pain to meet his burning glare. She found more hurt and anger there than she had been expecting him to show.

"Though the worst of it all is how you displayed such an insulting lack of faith in This Sesshoumaru. You did not trust me to accept the information in an appropriate fashion. You did not trust that I could be reasonable, and forgiving to a woman I cared for. And each day that passed, my regard for you only grew, and your lies only bolstered."

He didn't bring up Rin. He didn't need to. Which was good, because she doubted he even could at the moment. It was likely that a good deal of that opium was meant to push that consequence of her wish as far back in his mind as humanly possible.

No, these grievances were more personal; more direct. This was strictly between them.

"I thought you knew me better than anyone; believed that you actually understood, but I was wrong on both accounts." With a humorless smile; Sesshoumaru shook his head slightly. "I must really be a fool."

Biting her tongue; Kagome restrained herself from telling him he was wrong. He wasn't looking for comfort or confirmation, certainly not from her. She begged to hear his piece, and she would let him say it uninterrupted.

When those injured violet eyes returned however, she nearly asked him to stop.

"You had my complete and utter devotion, and you violated it so brutally; I do not see how I could ever truly trust you again." He forced some firmness back into his features. "Not like I had. I loathe how you made me care for you, and I loathe even more how you made me a fool for it."

He seemed just as baffled by his own actions as he was with hers, and divided his vast anger between them equally.

"You had me poised and ready to discard everything I had ever known just to be by your side, only to stun me with the revelation of how blinded I had become. I have always been so certain of everything, but you make me doubt myself and every judgement I have ever made. If I could so terribly misjudge the one I held to me the closest, how can I trust myself at all? I cannot."

She was sure the anguish in her bloodshot eyes at least matched his own, and she briefly wondered if it was as hard for him to hold her gaze in that moment as it was for her.

"That is the worst thing you took from me, Kagome," he informed her, his tone softening a touch. "Not my youki, not my lands, not even Rin. You took my sense of self. If I do not know you; I do not know This One."

He could see she was losing the battle with her impending tears, so he returned to his previous position; staring out into the dark with his feeble human eyes. He began to lift his pipe once more.

"It that what you wished me to tell you?"

His monotone was back, devoid of all emotion. His face was as well, and stayed that way as she rose to retreat back to the safety of her bag, for whatever meager comforts it would offer. She would get none from him.

When he returned to the fire sometime later to salvage a portion of his sleep; he broke a promise to himself and let his gaze wander down to the miko's sleeping bag. Despite being near enough to the flames to singe her eyebrows; her slumbering form trembled visibly within the lush material.

He remembered how toasty that bag had been while he was in it. Of course; he wasn't alone, as she was now. Without their clothes; pale skin warmed and flushed, and became slick with sweat where their flesh pressed together. Her touch burned then, but in a pleasant way.

And he'd assumed she couldn't scold him in this form...

She'd saved his life that night, despite their history, despite his attempts on her life. Despite his wishes even, and her better judgement. She'd saved him anyway, just because she could. Or so he'd thought.

It had bothered him at first; confused him. Why this human girl whom he'd lashed out against repeatedly would put herself in peril rather than leave him for dead was a mystery to him. He was instantly wary once he'd learned what she had done, and he'd spent the first portion of their reacquaintance trying to determine why. Why did she do such a thing? What was she after?

He'd reached several conclusions, all of which turned out to be wrong, until finally; he conceded to her only proffered motive.

She simply wished to help him. That was it.

It made no sense to him, but she rarely did. So after a few weeks getting to know the woman better; he finally surrendered and took her at her word. But he was wrong again.

She had not been acting out of selfless good-will, as she proclaimed. She was settling a debt. In this, she was more like him than he'd considered.

She may have dug him from of the snow out of some twisted sense of mortal obligation, but everything after that was only meant to make them even, or perhaps assuage her guilt.

Bringing him into her pack, taking him under their protection, recruiting her friends and escorting him to the Northern Lands... all of it was recompense for what she had done. He was like this because of her; Rin had been taken. Making him whole was her responsibility, just as letting her and her friends keep their lives was his.

It was somewhat comforting, knowing she wasn't as good as he'd been forced to believe. It made him feel better for how he'd behaved, and thought – particularly about humans – for most his life. He thought he'd been wrong about them.

She was far from the worst of them. In fact, he would still hold her up as one of their best examples. But she was not completely selfless. She did things for reasons, just like demons did. She operated transactionally, just as they all did.

But he was very uncomfortable with the disappointment he felt as well. He allowed himself to believe that this miko simply desired his wellbeing, and took actions to make it so, and he hated how warm it made him to believe it. He hated how cold, and foolish it felt to be proven otherwise.

The knowledge soured everything about their time together, and he hated how that bothered him so much.

He continued to watch her shiver, knowing he could repay her initial kindness right now by returning the favor. Honor would dictate he do as such, and then his debt would be wiped clean.

But as far as he was concerned, his debt was null and void. She had been the one who owed him a life. Two, actually. And without his knowledge; she had been attempting to pay it right under his nose this whole time. He owed her nothing any longer, and his conscience would not fight him his time.

He pulled his gaze from her, and strode past the freezing girl to rejoin his pack. An assessing look at Rin left him satisfied, and he plucked one of the abundance of furs from the pile for himself, and slept like a baby.

---

They reached Kaede's Village in well under a fortnight – only a fraction of the time they took getting up there. When they landed; Miroku made a show of kissing the ground while Inuyasha rushed off to find the old miko in her hut down the way.

The snow had receded a bit, telling them that the storms had stopped, but when Kagome rushed to the girls' hut to unload her pack; she could see they had not made it out of the winter unscathed. At least, her hut hadn't.

A portion of her roof had collapsed under the weight of the snow, making a decent mess of things. It was not the warm welcome she had been hoping for, but that would just have to get in line behind all of her other pressing problems at the moment.

Sesshoumaru seemed about as low on sympathy as he was on patience, so she emptied most of her bag quickly and rejoined him atop Ah-Uh. Rin stayed back with Jaken – her lord assured her he'd be back – and in no time; they were standing face-to-face beside the magic well.

She looked into its depths to find a good deal of snow remained inside, but was willing to be pleased it hadn't frozen over. She didn't know what would happen if she returned to the past only to be trapped behind a thick barrier of ice.

Placing her hand on the ledge; she wasn't sure if she was happy or sad to be leaving now. On the one hand; she was eager to get out of there, away from her failures and those she had failed, away from her problems, and right into a nice, hot shower.

But on the other; she did not have a pleasant task before her. This respite would not be a respite at all, merely an escape into another unfavorable situation.

'Out of the frying pan, but into the fire.'

At least it would be a change of scenery, but she just wanted to skip to the part where she was back and everything was fixed again.

Sesshoumaru's words rang in her ear then as she recalled her first kata lessons. Receiving your ends without withstanding the means robs you of the growth and improvement that would serve you down the road. If there was any good to come from all of this; that was going to be it and it was going to be now, so she vowed to suck it up and derive what she could.

She looked back up to see him staring at her passionlessly; simply waiting. She adjusted her much lighter pack strapped to her much dirtier sleeping bag more comfortably on her shoulders, and sighed.

"I don't know how long it will be," she admitted, "but I'll come back as soon as I get it."

"See that you do."

That appeared to be all she was going to get from him, but she couldn't bring herself to leave just yet. She continued to look up at the former demon lord, and something troubling struck her.

"Wouldn't it be sad if this was the last time we saw other?"

He sneered distastefully, but when he spoke; he sounded surprised. And dangerous.

"Is that a threat?"

"No!" she answered, eyes wide at the accusation. "of course not; I'm not bailing out on you. But the well's magic only lets me come back." She cast another somber look down into the snowy pit. "Every time I go; I am always afraid it will be the last time the portal opens for me. One day, it might not let me come back to you."

She looked into his eyes as she relayed her biggest fear. If it was one he shared; he didn't show it.

"It's just a bad practice to leave on bad terms. If you never saw me again after this, wouldn't you regret it? Wouldn't you live your life wishing we at least told each other how much we cared, so we both knew that we both knew?"

She knew he wouldn't lie to her, so her question held hope. He considered her a moment with his intimidating glare.

"Perhaps," he finally conceded, "but thanks to you; my life of regret will at least not be terribly long."

She supposed that was a silver lining, but still frowned regardless.

"Well, I don't want to spend my life regretting this moment, no matter how short it is; so I'm going to tell you."

Receiving no objection counted as permission, and gave her confidence to proceed. So she squared herself, took a breath, and looked deep into his eyes.

"Sesshoumaru, I will never forgive myself for what I did to you. For what happened to Rin. I regret it all so much, and I hope one day you will forgive me."

'Is that all?' his look seemed to say in the ensuing silence, but unfortunately, it wasn't.

"But I will never regret getting to know you these past weeks. You showed me things about you, and about myself, and about the world that I never imagined possible. Wonderful things." Her sorrow drifted seamlessly into a bittersweet reverence, and she gentled. "You just have a way of doing that to people, and I'm so grateful you did that for me."

Her small smile was genuine as she recalled more pleasant memories. She didn't let his lack of interest dampen their effect on her as she lifted her clasped hands to her chest.

"I am thankful to you for every moment we shared, and I will cherish every one of them; even the bad ones, and the hard ones. Even this moment right now." Her assurances were given with confidence as she poured her heart out to him, and she set her determined features once more.

"You will never know how much you mean to me, and always will. No matter what happens; I hope you forgive yourself. I hope you realize just how amazing you are. Being human has diminished nothing about you, no matter what you think."

She meant that too. Because she knew no matter how much he thought he hated her right now; he hated himself even more. That wasn't a new development, either. Even before his change; the aristocratic assassin's not so well-kept secret was that it was all a front - overcompensation.

Nobody hated him as much as he did, and the behavior he projected was a reflection of that. He didn't treat others the way he wanted to be treated, but the way he felt he deserved. It was only now that she was able to see it.

"I care about you," she told him sincerely. "So many people care about you, and I don't even think you know it. You should know it. You say you don't know what love is, but look around. Just look at the way your friends look at you, and you will know."

He didn't seem to appreciate her kind assessment, but it was possible he was just uncomfortable with it. Holding to that, she prompted him.

"Is there anything you want to say to me?" She forced a weak smile. "Last chance..."

She held her breath when he leveled her with a long, considering glare. Foolish hope sprung in her chest that he would give her something – anything – to keep her warm and soothe her pains and uncertainties in the precarious days ahead.

It was true; she might never get to come back. That was always a risk of leaving her friends, just as it always was leaving her family to get to them. But never had that looming threat weighed so heavily in her breast. Not only for her friends, not only for him, but for Rin too. If she failed her again, it would affect the rest of the young girl's life. A lot was riding on this journey, but that seemed to be a recurring theme lately. There was always one more thing she needed to do to make it all okay. Or at least better.

Why was it always on her? It was a crushing amount of pressure.

But she would take it on, and a few kind words from him now would make it much less treacherous. Maybe she could even sleep.

But when he freed her from his intense focus in favor of the more interesting tree line; it registered as dismissal, and that hope shattered.

"Do not dally," he ordered coldly. "Rin is waiting. Do not cause her any more harm than you already have."

It wasn't wholly unexpected, but she was crestfallen all the same.

"Okay," she replied softly; sad, and resigned.

She peered into the well again before throwing a final glance over her shoulder. "Goodbye, Sesshoumaru."

That appeared to be that. She knew a kiss was too much to hope for, but would have gladly settled for a hug. It was clearly not to be, so she hurled herself into the portal, hoping desperately it would not be the last time she saw him.

Sesshoumaru watched the telltale flash of magic light that would swallow her away from him, and abruptly turned on his heel.

He wasn't at all shocked at the way his bones hollowed out once she was absent from his plane, but he did his best to ignore the crippling emptiness of having the miko truly not exist.

---

The mother-daughter reunion was as relieved and heartfelt as always, and as always; Kagome expressed her need to shower before filling the older woman in on her latest adventure. Before she made the beeline, however; Mrs. Higurashi took note of how the high school student began her load of laundry instead of merely dropping it off as usual, prompting a quick rehashing of their last conversation.

"Did you make use of the items I gave you last time?" her mother nicely asked. Realizing what she meant; Kagome turned into a tomato.

"Mom! I told you not to talk to me about sex toys anymore!"

"What about the condoms?" she demanded, blocking the doorway to prevent the embarrassed girl's retreat. "Did you use them like I asked?"

Instinct demanded indignance, but that hadn't worked well with her mother in the past. Besides, she was just too tired to fight right now. It wasn't like she had anything to hide.

"No." At her mother's concerned look, Kagome huffed. "You'll be pleased to know; I never needed them. And the way things are going, I doubt I am going to."

Her mother softened significantly at her downtrodden expression.

"Want to talk about it?" she asked hopefully, and Kagome seemed to consider it.

The old washer spun noisily, banging lightly against the wall and filling up the awkward silence. Finally, the young woman leaned forward to rest her elbows atop the machine.

"The truth is, I was getting close to someone," she admitted. Mrs. H didn't seem surprised. "But I blew it. Now we're on a break, and I don't know if he likes me like that anymore."

"But you still like him?" her mother demanded. "Like that?"

Cheeks pinkened at the serious question, and the implications.

"Yes. But-"

"Then I'm making you an appointment right now." Kagome looked on in confusion as her mother pulled a cell phone from her pocket. The older style clamshell was actually a huge upgrade in technology for her, and Kagome took note. "While you're here, I need to make sure you get on birth control."

She watched her scroll determinedly through her list of contacts before finding what she needed, and lifting the phone to her ear.

Kagome was still embarrassed at the topic, but this wasn't completely unexpected. Her mother told her the last time they spoke what she had planned.

Still, with how things had turned out; she couldn't help but be a little bitter at the good chance it was all for naught. "You're more optimistic than I am."

"Perhaps more cautious," she countered, and Kagome blushed guiltily. "But I don't doubt any boy lucky enough to win your heart won't be eager to take it. I just hope he is worth it."

Kagome scoffed moodily. "If either of us in unworthy, it isn't him."

Her mother frowned as she held the phone to her ear, until the other end finally answered. When they did, she walked out of the room to make the appointment.

As she waited; Kagome supposed the woman was right to worry. She nearly cringed when she thought about how close she had come to doing exactly what her mother was trying to prevent. She didn't even know what happened to those condoms, but they never once crossed her mind as Sesshoumaru tried to penetrate her with that ridiculously huge cock of his, at her quite insistent encouragement.

If he had; she could very well be in the same boat as Rin right now. She supposed she should feel lucky, but she just didn't.

"Alright, I got you an appointment tomorrow afternoon," her mother announced proudly as she reentered the room. Kagome pushed up from the machine she was leaning on.

"That was fast. Somebody owe you a favor or something?"

Mrs. Hirguashi smiled. "Dr. Takahashi is always willing to squeeze you in, luckily."

The miko instantly paled at the familiar name, and panicked.

"Dr. Takahashi? Mom! I want a woman doctor for this! Or at least, someone I don't know personally."

"I'm sorry dear," she said dismissively, turning to leave. "but beggars can't be choosers on such short notice. And he is a very good doctor; you will be fine."

Kagome buried her face in her hands, and wondered what she had done so terribly in a previous life to warrant so much misfortune in this one. She hoped it was at least worth it.

After a moment, she heard her mother calling from down the hall.

"Now go take your shower! I want to hear all about your travels."

At least a shower would be good.

She indulged in a long, pained whine, but did as her mother said.

---

After a brief reunion – and even briefer discussion – Kaede had reorganized her modest hut to accommodate their new young member. It was agreed that Rin would stay with the old miko, and take up under her tutelage for the duration of her stay there – however long it may be.

She was gone at the moment – preforming a short ceremony for another elderly villager who unfortunately did not survive the winter cold. He had no other family, so the hut he had occupied just a short distance away was left to Kaede to tend to. Seeing as their group had grown - and one of their huts was currently uninhabitable - she had offered it to Inuyasha and Sango.

The taijiya was clearing it out and moving them in, while Miroku and Inuyasha got to work repairing the roof in the womens' old hut. That left Sesshoumaru, who was taking advantage of the old miko's absence to make use of her home and try his first hand at preparing a human meal for Rin... and the others.

Kagome had given him quite a few lessons by this point, and with Jaken taking orders; he was confident he could make something that was more than simply edible.

Rin watched on, endlessly pleased as the imp feverishly peeled and chopped root vegetables for the various boiling pots, while her lord meticulously combined herbs to disperse between his various sauces, and the meat he'd prepared.

Sesshoumaru insisted she pay attention so that she may perform the duties herself in the future, but she got the feeling she wasn't the only one enjoying the way he tended to her. It was a welcomed comfort after their harrowing separation.

With the last of the meal set to boil; Jaken was sent out to inform the others to be ready to eat in an hour. Sesshoumaru cleaned up what little mess he'd made, and readied his workspace for assembling the final product.

She gazed on in admiration, thrilled to simply be back with him again; back where she was supposed to be. Seeing him be human was... different, but it didn't change the way she felt about him. He was still Sesshoumaru-sama.

But she did notice little changes in him, and they were more glaring to her than the superficial ones everyone else seemed to be distracted by.

She'd spent a lot of time admiring him over the years. Fawning. Studying. And now that the miko was gone - the younger one - one obvious difference was impossible to deny.

"Why do you hate Kagome-sama?"

She saw him falter out of the corner of her eye as she deceptively inspected her broken nails, but he quickly corrected and finished wiping down his table.

"What makes you say that?" he asked after a moment.

He continued with his task - pointedly not looking at her - and tried to sound just as disinterested as she was pretending to be.

Rin shrugged. "You just seem like you do."

He frowned, and began arranging his knives next. Unnecessarily, Rin surmised.

"I do not."

"She thinks you do." She was openly staring at him now, studying again. If he felt her heavy gaze upon him; he didn't let on.

"That is not my problem."

"Yes, it is." Her sharp defiance and confidence finally earned his attention, but he said nothing. "If she thinks you hate her; she won't know you love her."

And just like that; he relieved her of his attention once more, scoffing as he did so.

"I do not know what love is," he insisted, almost automatically. He couldn't help feeling foolish at engaging this way with a child. With her, in particular.

His short time as a human had certainly changed them both, but he wondered how much of it was simply human aging in her case. Either way; it was going to take some getting used to, to regard her as something resembling an adult. He had a feeling it was only going to get worse as she grew, if the miko was any indication of things to come.

He never would have indulged her like this in the past, but a combination of guilt, humanity, and relief in having her back rendered him much more permissive than he would have been. It wouldn't last though; he was certain.

"Oh, well let me tell you," she offered graciously, her tone rife with mockery as she suddenly stood. "You know the way you feel about Kagome? It's that."

He scowled, no more impressed with her unprecedented disrespect than her unjustified confidence. She was just a child. She didn't know what she was talking about.

"You are mistaken."

She frowned right back at his assessment, but instead of reprimanding her; he simply turned to go busy himself in his chore once again.

As he crossed the room; she was hot on his heel.

"You don't hate her; you're just really mad at her." He didn't show any signs of hearing her, so Rin continued after him. "You're mad because you trusted her and she let you down. You left yourself vulnerable and she hurt you, and now you want to close yourself off to protect yourself from that pain."

Still ignoring her - back still turned - he rifled through the cutlery the miko had brought from the future for them all to use. Crouching low; he sifted through the strange items, but it didn't appear he knew what he was looking for.

"It's not worth it," Rin continued, undeterred by his lack of response. "If it was, nobody would risk the pain of being in love. But you are lying to yourself if you believe you would rather go the rest of your life without her just to spare yourself some pain. And everyone knows Sesshoumaru-sama doesn't lie. He also isn't afraid of pain."

He could hear her smiling, and couldn't help but cease his pointless searching as she spoke. He didn't turn around, but he remained still another moment. She did not waste the opportunity.

"If you want to torture yourself, that's your problem. But you're torturing her too, and her pain hurts you more, so it's just this endless cycle of pain that only you can stop. But you have to stop it."

When she crouched beside him, he finally turned. Her eyes appeared to have aged 100 years from when he'd seen her last, and despite how uncomfortable that made him; he couldn't look away.

"Kagome told me about the wish."

It wasn't a complete surprise. She'd told the others, after all. But due to her age; Sesshoumaru wasn't certain which of the pack affairs the girl would be made privy. "She wanted me to blame her instead of you, so she told me what she did. She should have told you, but she was so scared of, well, this, so maybe she was right to be scared."

In truth, the miko's confession had assuaged his guilt somewhat. But only a fraction. And not nearly enough to compensate for the pain she'd caused him in learning of her deception.

If she'd wanted to make him feel better, she'd failed miserably.

And as far as her own fears being responsible for her reticence... that could have been remedied with an earlier confession.

Either way, Kagome's role in Rin's abduction did not change the fact that it happened. Ergo, it did not erase his failure one bit.

"You think you're at fault because I was your burden."

Violet eyes instantly softened at her assessment of being considered his 'burden.' They saddened at fact she had used the past tense. "but Kagome's wish was her burden, so you are absolved of responsibility. I forgive you."

The words meant more to him than he would have expected. Even if she didn't acknowledge it; he knew deep down that a part of her had to be aware – perhaps even resentful – of his role in her kidnapping.

Her expressed forgiveness didn't change what happened, but he had to admit; he was relieved to receive it.

"Then I realized it wasn't her fault, either." Rin paused briefly. "I mean it was, but it was just an accident. So I forgave her too. And if I can forgive her, so should you."

He was unaware Kagome had been so candid with the girl. Despite her offenses; he was not going to be the one to out her. If Rin wanted to blame him alone, he felt more than comfortable shouldering that blame. In a sick way, he kind of wanted it.

Rin did not have a spiteful bone in her body, but it still shocked him to no end how absolutely genuine, and fast she was in offering forgiveness.

Of all of them, Rin had suffered the most. So why wasn't she as angry with all of this as he was?

"How could you forgive her," he finally asked, "after what happened to you?"

She beamed at him then; a bright, dazzling smile that reminded him of better days and made his heart want to burst in his chest. It was captivating.

"Easy," she told him through those upturned lips. "I care about her. I want her in my life. I had to forgive her, or else she couldn't be." He looked down in contemplation, but before he could retreat too far inside himself, she quickly added, "I want you in my life too."

He didn't respond when she gently touched his shoulder, nor move when she rose to stand.

She crossed the room again, going back to her seat, and after a moment, he resumed gathering the cutlery.

Not another word was shared between them after that until the others arrived to eat their meal.

---

"Well, if it isn't my future daughter."

Forgoing the cold metal doctor's table; Kagome sat in the chair against the wall, and snapped to attention when the physician entered the room.

"Hi Dr. Takahashi," she offered politely; all the while thanking the kami in heaven that a full physical wasn't required for this visit. At least they were willing to grant her that much, but as she saw it; the universe had quite a ways to go to make up for her recent deficit.

"How are you?" he asked with a friendly smile. "It's been ages."

He had a disarming demeanor, which was required of a pediatrician, but the long-time family friend was likely a bit more familiar with her than most of his patients.

It did little to assuage Kagome's discomfort, however. She had switched doctors about the time she started needing pelvic exams, preferring a woman instead. There was also another reason...

"You know, same ole same ole."

"That's a shame," he said with a frown, flipping through the clipboard that had her information. "Hojo says you are still constantly out with your various afflictions. Is it true they may hold you back a grade?"

Yes, there was a reason Hojo was always so quick to offer her remedies for her made-up illnesses. His father was one of the top family doctors in town, and the boy's main resource for all of his non-homeopathic cures. It made it more difficult to come up with believable ailments, which she told her grandfather repeatedly, but at his age; the old man was prone to forgetting.

"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice."

Dr. Takahashi took the hint, and allowed her to change the topic from her scholastic woes.

"Of course. Had to catch you in between spells, am I right?" She answered with a grateful smile, and he returned to his clipboard, moving to stand before her. "So, what are we here for? Birth control?" He lifted his gaze to her. "Are you sexually active?"

Despite expecting the question; she blushed.

"It isn't my son, is it?" Mortified eyes flew wide, and returned to him just in time to watch a chuckle pass through his lips. "Just kidding. You know everything you tell me is between us." His assurances did little to comfort her as he moved to sit beside her at his computer to log in. "Besides, I'm not terribly eager to break Hojo's heart before he goes off to college. I'm sure there are plenty of girls there who will do that for me."

Kagome groaned inwardly. She forgot how 'funny' Dr. Takahashi was.

"I'm not sexually active," she assured him, but faltered again. "Not really. Not yet." Patient brown eyes regarded her through stylish frames as she got her story straight. "I was kind of seeing someone, but were kind of on a break. I'm not sure if it's going to work out."

It was beyond humiliating admitting all of this to him, but the logical part of her knew that he was a doctor, and this was why she was here.

"Well, it's better to be prepared. You are at that age, and you do not want a baby commandeering your future, do you?"

Her thoughts immediately drifted to a young girl with a sideways ponytail.

"No," she answered softly. If he noticed the shift in her mood, he didn't mention it.

"Well, we have the pill, of course." He leaned forward, folding his hands in front of him. "But perhaps the shot would work better for you. I'm sure you have enough pills to worry about, and this way; you can never forget to take it. Just come back every three months."

Kagome nodded. That would be ideal, provided the well continued to work for her.

"Yeah, okay."

He nodded in return, and starting making the notes in her computer file. She watched on nervously, trying to gather her courage for her next request. This would be the hard part.

"Um, Dr. Takahashi? I wanted to ask you about RU486."

His typing fingers stopped instantly, and he let his gaze slide her way.

"So you have been active?" She didn't like the accusation in his tone, but maybe she was just imagining it.

"Not for me!" she insisted defensively. "It's for a friend. She's very young, and she was... abused."

His cadence turned sympathetic, so she hurriedly continued.

"Anyway; she got pregnant, and she's not ready for a baby."

"Have you told the authorities?" he asked with obvious concern, but Kagome shook her head.

"No. She's, um, homeless. And she's hard to track down. But I can find her. I was wondering if you could write me a prescription for her, and I can give it to her."

Her hope fell away with his sympathetic look, and he became all business.

"I'm afraid you need to bring her in. I can't write prescription for some girl I have never met."

"But I can't! She's scared." Or she would be, if she knew. "Plus, she doesn't have an I.D., or an individual number. She doesn't even have a last name."

"Have you tried the police?" he asked, sensing her distress.

"They can't do anything. Please, she's just a little kid."

His sympathy returned as he considered her a moment, and for a second; she thought he might budge.

"I can't do that," he repeated firmly, and she let out a frustrated huff. "But tell you what; if you bring her in, I will find a way to sneak her through. I just need to have a look at her."

It was probably more than most doctors would do, but it wouldn't help her here. Her reeling mind was coming up empty. All she could do now was plead.

"Please. She needs that prescription. I'll do anything."

But her desperation was getting her nowhere, and she could see her chance slipping away.

"I'm sorry, the answer is no." He was being firm now, and she could see him growing annoyed. "Now. Let me get your shot, and then I have other patients."

He stood then, and she began to panic. Her mind clamored for anything she could use, and a sudden, reckless thought surged itself off her tongue before he could reach the door.

"If I got pregnant, then you couldn't refuse my request, could you?"

Her question stopped him cold, and he slowly turned back around.

She could tell he knew what she was getting at, but the look on his face displayed his near-disbelief she would suggest such a thing.

Kagome tried to swallow discretely as her nerves went haywire, but her rapidly drying throat made it difficult. The tall man's intimidating glare was nothing compared to what she was used to, but she knew she had to tread very carefully.

She had to make it look like she meant business, and she did. As uncomfortable and dangerous as it was to blackmail her schoolmate's father – her doctor – she promised Sesshoumaru she wouldn't return without those pills. And she wouldn't. This was her best shot.

Firey blue eyes locked aggressively with his incredulous ones. "I wonder what Hojo's doing tonight."

"Kagome," he warned carefully, "it is against the law to threaten a medical professional. Or anyone, for that matter."

"What threat?" she asked with a shrug. "I just want to see Hojo. You think he misses me?"

The doctor's glare sharpened; boring into her ferociously.

He was well aware of how his son felt about the audacious girl in his office. He had been lovesick for Kagome ever since the first grade, and made no secret of it.

If she wanted him; she could have him in a moment's notice, and he'd always supported the pairing. Until now.

This girl... he didn't know who she was.

"He is forbidden from seeing you." His tone was final.

But Kagome let out a short laugh.

"You think that will stop him?" They both knew the answer to that. "You want to take that chance? Just write me the prescription, and I will never talk to your son again."

Kagome, of course, was bluffing. She just hoped he couldn't discern that for certain.

When he scowled deeply; she thought she had him, but he surprised her with a threat of his own.

"You have ten seconds to leave, before I call the police," he said in a low voice that was chillingly calm, and she visibly deflated. She knew she just lost. "And you need to find a new physician."

As he finally opened the door; she didn't care about the bridge she'd burned, or the trouble she might get in. All she could think of was Rin and Sesshoumaru.

What was she going to do now? What was there to do?

"Stay away from my son." His stern command faded in the background as he shut the door behind him, and she realized that now she couldn't get her shot. Not here, at least.

"Shit."

---

Swordplay between the brothers became the preferred way to pass the time in the absence of duty or enemy. It was a return to normalcy – something familiar in a world that, to both of them, was getting less recognizable by the day.

The only difference was that now they weren't actually trying to kill each other.

That was why Sesshoumaru thought it odd that every time he'd managed to disarm Inuyasha, or get him beneath the tip of his blade; the brief, involuntary fear flashing in the younger inu's eyes was 100% genuine. As if he anticipated the finishing blow he had promised him months prior.

When asked about it at the completion of their latest spar; Inuyasha confirmed that it made him nervous even now, because despite the truce; he hadn't seen any proof that his older brother did not still wish him dead... at some point. As far as he was concerned; the two were simply at a stalemate. He was wary of the day that would change.

As worried as he claimed to be; the hanyou stated his fears casually enough, as the two reclaimed their discarded haoris and began to redress.

"Rescuing you from that prison was not proof enough?" Sesshoumaru asked, folding his shirt over and tying it just right.

Inuyasha was less fussy, simply brushing off the dirt and shoving his arms through the sleeves.

"Keh, if anything; it was Kagome who rescued me from prison, not you."

"What kind of foolish reasoning is that?" he demanded. "So eager to deny that I had assisted you in any way?"

Sesshoumaru had finished sliding his sword into his obi just as Inuyasha lifted his from the ground, and did the same.

True, the two had been much more tolerant of each other lately, even working in tandem when required with little to no conflict. But it was a necessity of circumstance, as far as the hanyou could see. It didn't mean his brother felt any different about him. He was doing what he had to do. For now...

"If Kagome hadn't come looking for me when I got caught in that beartrap; she never woulda got herself captured too. And both of us know that if she hadn't gotten captured with me; you never woulda stuck your neck out like that."

Somewhat taken aback at his brother's assessment; he only watched silently while he shook more dirt off his clothes, brushing it off his pants.

"She's the only reason you came to get us," he surmised further. "If it were just me; you woulda let me rot. I'd probably still be down there. So really, I only have Kagome to thank."

Pleased with his appearance; it was all for naught when Inuyasha hoisted himself up on the wooden fence behind them and dirtied his clothing again instantly. The sun was beginning to set, and it looked like he would be staying for the show.

Errantly, Sesshoumaru wondered if it was a pastime he'd adopted from the miko. Even more errantly, he wondered if she was watching this sun setting now, 500 years removed.

As he looked into the distance with his brother; he leaned back against the fence beside him.

"You truly believe that?"

"Don't get me wrong," he backpedaled dismissively. "I'm happy you care about her so much. I'm grateful for it. But you ain't gotta pretend any of that was for me."

The golden rays cast by the descending sun's dramatic exit left the sky blanketed with light orange clouds, stretching endlessly across the horizon as far as he could see. But pinks were starting to encroach the lower it drifted, and would soon dominate the landscape.

These were Kagome's favorite displays, and he wondered if it was like this where she was now.

"What makes you say such a thing?" he asked, sounding as far off as the sun they were watching together. Inuyasha seemed to notice, and turned to look at him.

"Because you hate me."

Sesshoumaru allowed his gaze to drift toward him slowly, just in time to see his brother remove his own with a humorless smirk. "I know that. You always have, and I suspect you always will. You're only being cool now because you're human, and because of Kagome. But if you had your way; I bet you'd love to stick your poison claws right through my chest again, wouldn't ya?"

He didn't sound angry or hurt, just... resigned. He likely didn't expect an answer as he fussed with his claws a moment, especially for as long as it took. But Sesshoumaru was carefully considering something as he watched him.

"Do you recall our conversation in the mountains right before you became ensnared?"

"Huh?"

"Our conversation," he repeated. "After eating the roasted lizards you caught, and before you accused This One of coveting your sword. Do you remember what we were talking about?"

Slightly embarrassed at the reminder; he was uncomfortable as he tried to recall. "Sort of..."

"You asked me about father's wrath, and my propensity to incur it in my youth."

Seeing his still-confused look; Sesshoumaru huffed.

"I was about to enlighten you, however we became sidetracked by your transformation."

"Oh," he replied sheepishly. "right."

"I will tell you about it now."

His brother was not the long-winded type. In fact, getting more than a few words out of the bastard was usually considered a feat. So he was more than a little surprised when he gracefully hopped up on the fence to sit beside him.

It would be a lie to say he wasn't interested, even ravenous for stories about his famous father – of which he knew only very little. But he found he was eager to hear some about his brother too.

He really didn't know much more about him that what he had witnessed firsthand.

So wisely – maybe helplessly – silent; he watched on in awe as Sesshoumaru looked back out to the horizon, and began speaking.

"When I was a pup, barely able to swing a sword; I was attacked by two soldiers who were guards in father's army.

"They were much older; nearly grown, and they accosted me as I was returning back to the main fortress from my daily lessons."

"Wait," Inuyasha stopped him, earning a raised brow. "You're saying dad's own men attacked his heir in his own damn home? Were they suicidal?"

"When you are the heir to the Western Lands, you enjoy the full loyalty and protection of the Lord of the West, naturally." With an uncharacteristic shrug, he returned forward. "You also have a sizable target on your back. It is not uncommon for faithless soldiers and supposed allies to test the mettle of their future lord to assure themselves of his worth. If the heir is weak; it could spell the deaths of they and their entire families when he comes to power if he cannot keep it. There is also a pride won if any soldier can say they had bested a strong lord in battle, even if he was very young."

Inuyasha nodded in understanding. He was never taught the ins and outs of demon high society, and before now; he'd never cared to learn. It didn't concern him.

"Traitors can also discover a lord's weaknesses early on and exploit them later, forcing coups and naming themselves lord."

"So dad wasn't mad?"

Sesshoumaru smirked. "He was furious. At This One most of all. For when I returned to him in his study, bruised and bloody; he demanded the names of my attackers, and I refused." Inuyasha's eyes widened at the thought of Sesshoumaru disobeying their father.

"That in itself was enough to earn a vicious beating from him, for defying him. He badly wanted retribution, and to know the names of those who would attack him so personally. However, I saw no honor in running to Father and having him fight my battles.

"The next day; he once again demanded I reveal the identities of the guards, and once again, I refused. This time, he took me into his dojo and thrashed me twice as hard as the day before. Ten times harder than my attackers."

Something hard settled in Sesshoumaru's eyes then, giving them a glazed quality far different from the one he'd become accustomed to as of late.

"He said I was weak. He was ashamed to have a son who was too afraid to name his assailants. He feared for the future of the West if I was unable to hold my own in battle.

"Every day for a fortnight; he took me into that dojo and beat me within an inch of my life. He held nothing back. On nights when he could not take me to task himself; he had two of his strongest generals stand in his stead, and deliver relentless blows that seemed to never stop. This must have occupied half of the evening. Hours."

Inuyasha cringed, just imagining the uneven assault taking place. If he truly went all out like he said – and Sesshoumaru wasn't one to embellish – it must have been agonizing.

"I was enraged at him in the beginning," he admitted easily. "Soon after, crippled with shame. Until finally, near the end; I felt nothing. I had shamed my father and my lands, and I was weak. To feel nothing was a great luxury at that point."

The hanyou frowned as he looked at his brother, mentally putting a few puzzle pieces in place. He knew his dad was brutal, but his own son? It just seemed so... cruel. He never thought of him that way.

"Finally," Sesshoumaru continued, "after two weeks of this agonizing torture; it was over. I was allowed to return to my lessons.

"I was forced to bear my bruises and injuries for all to see and gawk at." He sneered distastefully as his memories unfolded. "The two guards who attacked me were even fool enough to think it was they who littered my small body with so many marks.

"They approached me once again, thinking to repeat the previous events. Thinking I looked even easier to defeat this time. They attacked."

He paused a long moment then, and Inuyasha worried he may not continue. Worried he might, but still, he prompted, "What happened?"

"Before the first one touched me," he immediately replied, "I gut him from nose to navel. It was clean. Flawless. Quick. He was dead before his insides hit the ground beneath him."

His half-brother had to smirk at that, despite the gruesome picture it painted. He would expect no less.

"With the second; I took my time. I savored it. I caught him in the throat with my poison claws. But instead of finishing him off quickly; I withdrew, so as to only paralyze him." His fingers twitched, as if reliving their moment of glory as he recalled it.

"I broke every bone. I pierced every organ. I peeled back his skin, and removed every appendage, and he felt every second of it. I ensured he was alive through every excruciating offense.

"Later, they told me that guards posted at the border to the East could hear his horrible, blood curdling screams. I still hear them sometimes, clawing at the inside of my skull."

Inuyasha studied him carefully as he spoke, somewhat haunted at the way even he could recount such a terrible thing and remain so indifferent. At least, to appear so. It was more than a little disturbing.

"Father came out," he continued nonetheless, still not regarding him as he played the scene in his mind. "and looked down at me with knowing eyes. I had never seen them shine with such obvious pride. He was pleased. His son was strong.

"He put the dead bodies of his mutilated soldiers on spikes at the front gates, to alert all of their fates if they dare cross the heir to the West."

He finally caught his brother's troubled eyes then, and held them with his own.

"He'd done it on purpose," he insisted with confidence. "This was what he'd wanted.

"Father was harsh. And cruel. And because of that; he prepared me properly. No one, nothing, not even the world itself was as harsh and cruel and demanding as our father was. And because I contended with him, because I saw the end of his sword and his fist and lived to tell of it; nothing would ever be able to defeat me. Nothing would ever be as terrible as that.

"He gave me the hardest opponent I would ever face - himself - so that I would be ready for anything else that would try to defeat me. Nothing would ever compare."

Sesshoumaru watched his words imprint themselves in his brother's brain. When he was satisfied he had absorbed enough to understand, he went on.

"I do not hate you Inuyasha. I never have.

"Father could not be there to teach you, but if he was; he would have done exactly as I have." Looking down with something akin to regret; he clenched his fist tightly against his thigh. "You deserved that much. He would have been cold and hard and unforgiving, and nothing would have been able to defeat you."

Through a veil of black bangs, Sesshoumaru looked back over to his uncharacteristically silent half-brother.

"You have had many enemies, yet you still stand, do you not? Surely a half breed would have many who wish to harm him. Many who wish to berate him. If there has been no other to harm you or berate you as well as I, then I have succeeded. I did nothing to you," he insisted firmly. "I did that for you."

With that; Sesshoumaru jumped down from the low wooden fence and prepared to take his leave. Before he could however, Inuyasha's voice drifted to his ears.

"When you were a pup," he began contemplatively, "all you wanted was dad's approval. When you got it that day, then what did you feel?"

He only had to think a moment to answer honestly. "Nothing."

Inuyasha frowned. Just what he'd assumed.

"So what's the point of going through all that, if you don't even get to enjoy it when you get it?"

Sesshoumaru cocked a brow, as if the answer was obvious.

"You get to live. That is the point."

That's what it was all about after all. Survival.

But the hanyou seemed strangely confused at this concept.

"What's the point of living if you can't enjoy it?"

He seemed to earnestly wish to know. Sesshoumaru blamed the boy's human blood for making him think such foolish things. And then his own for considering it.

"I do not know," he finally admitted, "but I should like to find out. Thanks to Father, perhaps I will survive long enough to do so."

And thanks to him; so would his brother. At least, he hoped so.

---

Kagome lied to her mother and said the appointment went well, so the next day; she high-tailed it over to the free clinic to get the shot she'd sabotaged the day before.

In the waiting room; she'd noticed an abundance of teenage girls who were most likely there to get the very pills she was seeking for Rin, and began to formulate a new plan. But by the time they'd called her number; every attempt to talk them (see: bribe them) out of their medication had ended in failure.

So even though she'd received her shot; she remained lingering in the waiting room, and vowed not to leave until she got what she needed.

The poor girl she had cornered at the moment looked a little younger than she was, and like most of the girls there, had come alone. If she had to bet; she would say the parents of a lot of these girls had no idea they were here, or even needed to be, and Kagome hoped that would work in her favor.

"Why doesn't she just come in herself?" the confused teen asked once the miko made her pitch. "She can be anonymous."

"I told you; it's complicated." The girl still seemed uncertain, so Kagome pushed harder, using her age and confidence to persuade the inexperienced (in a worldly sense) young woman. She leaned in closer from the chair at her side, and spoke conspiratorially. "Look, just give me the pills they give you, and tell them later that you lost them. They will give you more, no problem."

It made enough sense to Kagome, but more importantly; it was the best plan she could come up with. She hoped it would be the last.

The girl was obviously conflicted, so she went for the hard sell. "I'll pay you 5,000 yen, and you get to help a little girl. Its win/win."

Kagome grinned as she seemed to consider it, but it fell when she finally shook her head.

"I don't think so."

"Why not?" she demanded irritably. This was like her tenth rejection in a row. What was wrong with these people? Why was everyone so selfish?

"I don't want to risk it," she reasonably explained. Then Kagome huffed as the girl rubbed her flat belly. "Plus, I was gonna do this today."

"You can-"

"Hey!" The aggravated shout of an older woman came from behind the admissions desk, startling them both. "We already told you to quit harassing our patients. I'm calling the police right now."

Cursing to herself; Kagome rose, and made her way out before the woman saw through on her threat.

Refusing to give up, however; the tenacious young woman posted up outside to try her luck with any patients on their way in – or out - of the building. Unfortunately, she wasn't faring any better.

Protesters outside the clinic were not an uncommon occurrence, and every time someone came in or out; the large cluster of sign and clipboard carriers accosted the poor patient before Kagome even got the chance – effectively scaring off any prospect she might have with their attempts to persuade, or else shame them into acquiescence.

She was really starting to get frustrated.

Rubbing her hands down her face; she began to consider moving down to the nearby parking lot and trying her luck there, when a familiar face brushed her way past the shouting mob, and prepared to do the same to her.

"Hey-" Kagome began, but the girl was pointedly looking down at the sidewalk, trying to leave as fast as she could.

"Leave me alone," she immediately spat, not letting her finish. "I already told you-"

"Eri?"

The girl froze at first, afraid to be recognized, but it didn't take long for the familiar voice to register. She turned back nervously.

"Kagome?"

The miko had taken the bus downtown, so she happily accepted the ride from her childhood friend.

She was definitely shocked to run into her there of all places. Of the group; Eri had always been the shy, more reserved member.

It only highlighted how far apart the two had drifted.

From her passenger seat; Kagome repeated the same line she'd been practicing all day, trying to ignore the tense vibe she was getting during the frantic drive back to Eri's house.

"So you'd be helping a little girl, and you'd make 5,000 yen. Its win/win!"

"I don't think so."

"Ugh. Why not?!" Her patience hanging by a thread.

"I just want to get this over with," she told her firmly, digging her painted nails into her steering wheel as she stepped on the gas a little harder. "You don't know what this is like."

It was true; she didn't, and she hoped to god she never would. The stress had obviously taken its toll on her good friend, and she didn't feel great about adding anything to it, but she had a job to do. A very important one.

Her discomfort in badgering reluctant allies into becoming accomplices would have to be pushed to the wayside.

"Please," Kagome begged. "I wouldn't ask if-"

"You know what, no!" The uncharacteristic outburst silenced her effectively, and Kagome widened her eyes in shock. Eri never said no. Eri never raised her voice. The sudden hostility was a jarring change.

"I haven't seen you in months; you never call." A scowl twisted her lips resentfully, and she shot the woman a fleeting glare in between weaving around traffic. "And now; you find out I'm pregnant, and you haven't even asked me once how I'm doing, or who the father is..."

The miko had no retort to that, so Eri continued to unload what had apparently been building up for some time.

"It's always all about you, Kagome," she accused hotly, and straightened in her seat. "Well, this time; it's about me. I'm taking these pills tonight, and your real friend - whoever she is - can figure something else out for herself."

The two sat in silence for a moment while Kagome absorbed what her longtime friend had said. Finally, after a thoughtful glance; she managed to respond.

"10,000 yen."

"Ugh!" Eri screamed, taking her eyes off the road to tilt her face toward the ceiling. "You are the most selfish person I have ever met."

Kagome was willing to blame the hormones for her assessment as the driver fixed her with another sidelong glare.

"And it's not just me. All the girls think so."

'Defiantly the hormones,' she surmised, so the dig failed to land. Eri became even more frustrated as she seemed to pick up on the dismissive response. But the lid was off the can, and she refused to relent.

Sure, maybe Kagome wasn't the source of all her frustrations at the moment, but she was there to place the final straw atop her extremely heavy load. Besides, this was a long time coming. "We've been your friends your whole life, but as soon as you meet some cute guy – who is totally bad for you by the way – you cut us out of it like we don't exist. Well, if this is how you're going to be; that's fine with me. Good riddance."

Kagome knew she hadn't been there for her old friends lately, but it wasn't that she didn't care. There were just more important things going on in the past.

But even if there wasn't; she could feel herself drifting away from them.

They just didn't have much in common anymore. Though, to be fair; she hadn't really been around to even know what was going on in her old friends' lives. And they always made time for her when she came to town. Maybe Eri was right. Maybe she was selfish.

She had important things to do now, but she could take a few minutes to at least try and act like a friend. Eri looked like she could really use it.

"Who is the father?" she asked guiltily, but gently all the same.

Eyes on the road, Eri's scowl persisted.

"Nobody."

"Come on," she begged, softening her demeanor. "I'm sorry. Tell me."

It didn't take much coaxing to get the girl to open up. It seemed she really did need a sympathetic ear, and Kagome gave it to her as she drove them to her house.

Once inside; Eri led them up to her room and threw her purse and jacket carelessly on the bed.

It was clear how overwhelmed she was, and for the first time; Kagome took note of her disheveled appearance. Her hair was frazzled, and her makeup had been worn away. And if she didn't know better, she'd say the girl had been sleeping in her clothes. She was a mess.

"I'm gonna take a shower," she informed her, making her way to the adjoining bathroom. "You staying for dinner?"

"Yeah, sure." Kagome smiled weakly. "We have some catching up to do."

Things weren't totally mended, but she was confident the two of them would be fine. Friends fought, but they always made up. She just needed a little time.

After a few moments; the sound of the shower head being turned on prompted Kagome to peruse the walls which had changed since the last time she had been there.

Boys, and bands, and pictures of her friends littered the pink wallpaper. She was notably absent from most of the group photos that remained, but she found it really didn't bother her. She didn't belong here anymore - with them, or even in this time period. It was almost like she was vanishing from existence in the modern era. The less time she spent here, the truer it actually was.

Sudden movement down the hall invaded her periphery, and her attention drew out the open doorway. She'd managed to catch a glimpse of Eri's older brother slipping into his room just before closing the door behind him, and nearly rolled her eyes.

'What is he doing here?' she wondered irritably. 'I thought he moved out. Isn't he supposed to be in college?'

She was annoyed at the prospect of enduring dinner with him, until something suddenly occurred to her.

She rose in a flash as a new idea took shape, and before she knew it; she found herself outside of his room knocking lightly on his door.

He didn't answer, but the music blaring from inside left no question as to why. Feeling particularly bold today - and shameless - she let herself in, and hoped she wasn't about to walk in on anything that might scar her for life.

Luckily, he was just sitting on his bed, scrolling through something on his phone when he noticed her enter. She forced a friendly smile.

Recognizing her immediately; he stood, and stepped over the piles of dirty laundry littering his floor to turn the music down to something reasonable.

The look her gave her made her stomach turn, and it got worse the closer he prowled. She never liked the guy, and did her best to limit her contact with him to maintain the barest level of civility. He didn't make it easy.

But she maintained a plastered grin as he moved close enough to touch her. For his sake, she decided he better not.

"Hey, Higurashi," he welcomed, his eyes roving over her shamelessly. "You've really filled out."

He closed the door behind her, and she tried not to recoil when he grabbed her by the arm and led her deeper into his disgusting teenage boy lair. He beckoned her to sit on his bed with him, but she wisely claimed his desk chair instead.

He didn't seem offended, smirking predatorily for a long, uncomfortable moment.

"You haven't been in my room since Eri dared you to kiss me during that sleep over." He waggled his eyebrows. "Back for more?"

She finally rolled her eyes. There was no being polite to some people.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "I thought you were away at college."

"I got suspended last week." His grin never left him as he casually shrugged. "I'll be back next semester."

Kagome didn't bother to ask why. He'd always managed to get himself in trouble for this or that the whole time she'd known him. There was likely no bigger degenerate to ever attend her high school. Or at least, none who got busted as often. But it could work to her advantage. For once, she was happy to see him.

"Cool," Kagome nodded, but quickly cut to the chase. "Hey, do you still sell your prescriptions?"

That slimy smile of his somehow spread wider across his pock-marked face.

"Miss goody two shoes, ready to step to the bad side?" She didn't respond to that as he sized her up and down less than subtly, openly ogling her until she had the urge to cross her arms over her chest. "I always knew you were a bad girl." She didn't think he could get any creepier, until he licked his lips. "I bet you're a freak."

"Not for me," she insisted sternly. "I need something for a friend."

"Sure."

He obviously didn't believe her, but she didn't care. As long as he would help her.

"Anyway, do you still have that doctor?"

His lecherous grin turned prideful, but she couldn't say she liked it any better.

"Yep, Dr. Feelgood still makes house calls. What do you need? Benzos? Addy?"

"RU486."

A shocked look claimed his youthful features for a long moment, but that smile was quickly back.

"You are a bad girl." He sounded impressed. "Who knocked you up, you little freak?"

"It's not for me," she told him again.

"You know that stuff's not illegal, right? Just go to the doctor and-"

"Look, I can't explain why, but I can't." Desperate, she leaned forward and placed her hand on his chest. "I really need it. Please help me."

He seemed thrown off by the contact, looking down at where they touched and momentarily stifled.

"Are you still looking for Oxys?" Her hopeful question seemed to snap him from his stupor, and he became excited.

"You got 'em?" he asked eagerly. "How many milligrams?"

"Eighty."

With his widest grin yet, something in his eyes sparkled covetously. "How many you got?"

Truthfully, she still had quite a lot. She only used them sparingly. But the last thing she wanted was to hand over all her medicine to this two-bit campus drug pusher. She'd just part with enough to get her what she needed.

"I'll trade you; one for one."

"Pfft." His dismissive noise told her she'd missed the mark. "That's not worth the trouble. Ten."

"Five."

He considered her offer, and her as well.

"Throw in a bj," he proposed with a smirk. "and you have a deal."

She wished his proposal has surprised her. But he was the one surprised when with a lascivious grin; she actually leaned forward and extended her hand.

Excitement, and disbelief rendered him still as she stood, and gently placed her hand between his legs, but it was very short-lived.

Before his body could react to her touch; her fist had clenched harshly around his balls, grabbing them so firmly that her fingernails began to dig.

When he instinctively moved to wrench her off of him; she squeezed harder, nearly piercing the skin through his thin sweatpants, and he froze. Any more pressure would be excruciating.

"Listen creep," she demanded, drawing her face close to his. "you call that doctor right now, or I'm going to rip your nuts off and ram them down your throat."

"Jesus, okay!"

Luckily, his phone was still in his hand, and the hurriedly and shakily fumbled through his contacts until the phone was dialing, and he placed it to his ear in a panic.

She continued to hold her leverage tightly inside her palm.

The relief in his voice was palpable when the other line answered. He managed to relax a touch. "Hey, what's up doc... Good, good, uh, listen. I need RU486, can you help me out?" Flashing her a nervous glance, she smiled back in satisfaction. But then his expression fell. "Yeah, I know, but I think she's-. Uh-huh. Oh, really?"

"What is it? What's the problem?"

He pulled the phone away from his mouth, and whispered. "He won't do it."

"Why?"

"He says it's immoral."

"Immoral?" Kagome repeated incredulously. "He writes prescriptions for recreational use!"

"It's against his religion."

But that wasn't going to cut it. She thought quickly of how to persuade the unscrupulous doctor.

"Well, tell him that if he doesn't; I'll tell the cops about his little side business."

But Eri's brother looked at her like she'd grown another head. Did he forget were his nuts were right now?

Apparently, because instead of relaying her message; he said his farewells.

He hung up before her death glare made it to him, and he explained himself before she could issue another threat.

"I'm not ruining my hook up. Besides, he has the best lawyer in the city. He doesn't respond to threats."

"Fuck!" She released him roughly, and he instantly scooted away, rubbing where she had very nearly castrated him.

He observed the irate female a moment, but instead of being angry; it was back to business as usual.

She'd wager it wasn't the first time a girl had assaulted his junk.

"So I made the call. How about a little thank you?"

If looks could kill, he'd be dead. But unfortunately; she had to settle for getting up and leaving. She tried to think if she knew anyone else with a shady doctor.

"Come on!" he implored her retreating form. "You can't get pregnant again; lets enjoy it."

He stood when she reached his door and put her hand on the handle.

"You might as well," he pressed further. "I'm still gonna tell the guys you grabbed my dick."

She pulled the door open violently. But before she left, she spun back around.

"Do it, and I'll tell all the girls how small it is."

She'd finally managed to wipe that greasy smile off his face, and internally relished his sneer.

"Bitch."

"Creep."

She heard the door slam shut behind her as she made her way back down the hall.

In Eri's room, she could hear the girl still showering. She could respect that; she definitely indulged as long as she could whenever she got the chance.

Releasing a huge sigh; she sat heavily on the bed next to her friend's belongings, and tried to come up with a new plan.

She had already decided against robbing a pharmacy. For now. But if she didn't think of something soon, she worried it might come to that. Whatever she did, she couldn't risk getting caught. She'd do nobody any good locked up in a detention center.

When she gazed down dejectedly; she noticed Eri's purse beside her on the bed, and another bad idea popped into her head. But at least it was one with fewer legal ramifications. And less devastating ones.

She snatched the purse, and rummaged through it feverishly, all the while praying that her childhood friend still had the habit of placing her whole life inside the large, knock-off hand bag.

When she found a small bottle with just a couple of pills, her breath caught.

She brought the label closer, and nearly squealed in celebration when she read it.

Then, she stood.

Eri would be mad. She might never talk to her again. But she was willing to make that trade off for Rin's wellbeing.

And Eri would be fine. She could go back to the doctor tomorrow, and everything would be okay.

But she had to run.

She didn't have a ride, and the shrine was miles away. She just had to get to the well before anyone found out, and she would be home free.

So she bolted out of her friend's house, and ran down the street as fast as she could.

The sun had just finished setting when the shrine came into view, and though tired from the long sprint home; Kagome didn't rest before booking up the steps to the safety of her property.

As she finally stopped to catch her breath; she briefly considered running inside to grab her pack and say goodbye to her mother, but she decided it could wait. She needed to get this medicine to the past asap, and then she could come back for the rest.

Her side was cramping the whole way down to the well house, but she maintained an urgent trot as her goal became within sight.

She rejoiced as she drew closer, drawing a sigh of relief as she let her victory wash over her. It was almost over, and then she could focus on trying to get Sesshoumaru back the way he was.

Maybe now, he could see that she really would do anything to help him. Maybe now, he would be able to trust her again. Just a few more steps...

Her heart nearly stopped when she almost reached the entrance, and two uniformed men emerged.

They stilled when they noticed her, and she was forced to as well. Her escape route was effectively blocked.

"There she is!"

Any thoughts of retreating were severed when Eri followed behind them, pointing in her direction with a sour, determined look on her face.

Shit! How'd they get there so fast? Sure, it took a while to run home, but the cops in this area were not known for their quick response time. Must have been a slow crime day. Figures.

She remained still as they all made their way over, and briefly considered running past them to jump down the well anyhow. But then they would see her, and her secret would be exposed.

She was trapped. Looking around frantically; she wondered where her mother was at.

Her shoulders tensed as the two large law enforcement officers approached, with a furious Eri in tow.

Damn it! Why didn't she see their cars?

"Did you take her prescription?" asked the heavier of the two men, once they had closed the distance and stopped before her.

Neither man seemed terribly concerned with her, but rather more like they were simply there to perform a civil task. She wouldn't say they looked amused, or annoyed, but a skinny teenage girl with no record accused of taking a couple of pills did not seem to worry them much. It wasn't like she posed a threat. To humans...

"No," she lied, but it was obvious they didn't believe her. Eri sure didn't.

"Check her pocket," she demanded, pointing to her jacket.

She began to panic as the thinner man approached her, and helped himself to the contents of her coat. Eri glared daggers with her arms crossed in front of her, and the resentful gleam was returned tenfold.

Kagome became more fearful, however, when the search yielded results, and the small bottle with Eri's name on it was discovered right where she said it was.

"I must have grabbed them by mistake," was all she could say as three sets of accusing eyes awaited her explanation.

Fuck! She was so close, but she would never get them back now. She needed to come up with another plan. But for now; she had to focus on the teensy little crime she had committed and, if possible, avoiding punishment. She didn't have time for this.

"Yeah right," Eri scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically. "She took them."

Her hair was still wet as the pills were returned to her possession, and in her head; Kagome was calling her every curse word under the sun.

She wondered if her mother knew she was pregnant, and if threatening to tell her would make her a bit more accommodating. Perhaps she should have thought of that sooner.

"Perhaps it was a misunderstanding," the heavier cop suggested to the aggrieved. "You got your pills back, no harm done. But if you want to press charges; I have to take her in for processing."

It was clear they were not interested in pursuing this. This case was not going to win them any accolades, and would only be another paper to push. But it was up to Eri whether she really wanted to file a report against one of her best friends.

The pregnant teen frowned up at the policeman when Kagome began her plea.

"Eri-"

"Is everything alright?" Everyone's attention transferred to Mrs. Higurashi, who had a bag of groceries in her hands as she made her way to them. She flashed a friendly smile. "Hello Eri, nice to see you," she offered first, then regarded the police officers with kind optimism. "What's going on?"

She was sure calm for the scene she had intruded upon. If she was at all concerned about the police presence at her shrine; she didn't let on.

All Eri's fury at Kagome was washed away at the appearance of the kind woman she had known her whole life, and she even deigned a guilty expression. But only for a moment, and then she found the miko's gaze and held it meaningfully, relaying her ire just fine without words.

But just then, she seemed to have made her choice.

"It's fine," she told the men. It very clearly wasn't. "I'm sure it was a mistake."

Her decision earned a happy sigh from the cop.

"Wonderful. I hate paperwork."

Mrs. H. smiled in response, and asked, "Would you like some coffee?"

"No thanks," the other one answered for his partner. "need to get going. Unless there's anything else?"

His question was directed at Eri, and when she shook her head; everyone began making their way back to the house. A sly look at her daughter told Kagome she would be filling her in later.

The cops took their leave, and Eri was about to do the same, until Kagome's mother turned to her.

"Eri, are you staying for dinner?" she asked pleasantly.

"No. My mother is cooking."

"Well," she replied with a warm smile, "tell her hello."

With a nod, she took off ahead of the girls to get her groceries inside and start dinner.

Once out of earshot, she leaned in close to Kagome.

"I'd tell you never to call me again," she bit out harshly, just above a whisper. "but you already decided that months ago, didn't you?"

"Eri-"

"No. Stay away from me. You are toxic." Straightening to full height; she was a few steps away before adding over her shoulder, "You and your delinquent boyfriend deserve each other."

Kagome watched as she stomped out of sight, feeling much more irritated than apologetic with the girl who foiled her plans.

'I'm not the one who got pregnant,' she thought wryly, and startled herself with the unkind nature of it.

What was happening to her? The stress must be making her crazy.

But desperate times called for desperate measures, she justified.

Just how far was she willing to go to meet her ends?

How far would she be forced to go?

---

The snow had really done a number on the girl's hut. After a few days of repairs; the roof was only half-patched up, and nerves were wearing thin.

After all they had been through; the group was hoping to finally get a little break once they got home, so the unexpected and pressing chore was a very unappreciated surprise.

At least they had the extra hut now. Inuyasha was usually fine to sleep outside; he actually had preferred it. But now that he was with Sango; he was certainly not opposed to claiming a space for just the two of them so they could have some privacy. Throughout the duration of their relationship so far; it had been very hard to come by.

The boys' hut was just how they left it, but the pressure was on to get the roof fixed before Kagome came back, whenever that was. But as darkness fell over the village; it became clear they would have to put things aside yet again and pick it up tomorrow. No one was looking forward to another day of physical labor.

But even though morale was low; Inuyasha and Miroku remained jovial throughout the task, talking and joking and trying to keep each other's spirits up.

Sesshoumaru, however, had only been getting progressively more sour as the days, even hours, ticked on.

Around mid-day his mood had taken on an especially prickly quality, and snide remarks and snipped comments fell away completely in favor of palpably displeased silence. Inuyasha thought he'd prefer his brother quiet, but there was something unnerving, almost aggressive in the way he worked beside them all day, but refused to speak or even look at them. His edginess was contagious.

Once they decided to call it a day; Sesshoumaru dropped his armful of wood inside the broken hut, and left to sit alone beside the campfire.

The other two men shared another pensive look. They'd been getting pretty good at communicating this way, and without a word; both had reached the same conclusion about which of his many problems was currently ailing him.

Sesshoumaru had a lot of shit to deal with that neither of them could even begin to relate to. But the way he was acting was instantly recognizable.

The two of them were very familiar with this kind of behavior, as both of them were guilty of it themselves on countless occasions. Even Shippo, particularly as he got older, had begun to adopt the moody attitude on these occasions, to the point where measures had to be taken just to slacken tension within the camp.

After putting away their tools; they made their way to the fire as well, opting to sit a good distance from his brooding brother and give him some space. They tried to engage him in friendly conversation as a distraction, but a rigid scowl would be the only participation they would receive from him.

So after a while; the three of them just sat together in uncomfortable silence. But frustration was emanating from the former demon lord in thick waves, and only appeared to be getting worse.

Inuyasha wasn't much good at placating, especially not Sesshoumaru, but Miroku was well practiced in loosening things up with his light-hearted demeanor. But so far nothing had gotten through.

The Lord of the West was tense, even for him. Every muscle in his body was visibly clenched, and had been for what seemed like days. Miroku knew what was causing it, but despite their time together; he really didn't know Sesshoumaru well enough to help.

He'd know what to do for Inuyasha. For Inuyasha, all he'd have to do is...

He cut a sly look over to the hanyou then, which he caught, but only responded with a questioning expression when a matching smirk creeped up the side of his face.

Clasping his hands behind his head; the monk leaned back, and pointedly looked off into the forest.

The first verse was muttered so quietly, even Inuyasha barely heard it.

By the second, however; the hanyou caught on, and with a devious smile; he joined in.

Sesshoumaru was so fogged by his chaotic lament that he didn't realize what was going on around him at first.

He absentmindedly acknowledged that those two fools were singing something, but that was on par with foolish behavior. He was getting scarily accustomed to tuning out such things.

But as the song wore on; recognition began to set in, and he remembered where he'd heard this rendition before.

His permanent scowl drifted from the crackling flames and over to those two bumbling idiots.

Unfortunately, their smiles only widened - and voices only rose - and they finished, only to begin again from the top; more animated this time through.

He knew he was being mocked, but as they went on; the stiffness in his shoulders seemed to dissipate a fraction or two. And as much as he wanted to go over there and make it so their offensive vocal cords could no longer make those sounds – as he probably should - he simply remained seated.

This repeated several times through, and if they expected him to join them; they would soon find they were sorely mistaken. But it did not escape their notice that despite the gratuitous number of rounds, and unfortunate pitches achieved; he never once told them to stop.

---

Up in her bedroom as she waited for dinner, Kagome was having a nervous breakdown.

She'd done everything she could think of to help Rin - some of the most terrible things she had ever done - and she'd come up empty. She failed her. She failed Sesshoumaru.

She refused to give up, but she didn't know what she was going to do now. Her options were fewer and more dire, as far as she could see. And she didn't know how much more of her soul she would be forced to sacrifice in order to keep her promise.

She was starting to worry she would not succeed, and what the implications of that would mean, for all of them.

She sat at her desk with her head in her hands, and finally let herself indulge in a few tears.

She had been holding back in favor of keeping her eye on the ball, but after being thwarted mere steps away from her goal; she felt like she was at her wit's end.

It wasn't a loud, ugly crying, so her mother didn't notice when she tapped on the door and let herself in. Kagome pulled herself together quickly.

"Kagome? You have a guest."

She cursed internally before she even turned around, and a moment later; another old friend appeared through the crack in her door.

"Hojo. Hey."

She tried to sound welcoming as she stood to greet him, and her mother left the two alone to finish with dinner.

He wore a handsome smile as he always did, and Kagome said a prayer of thanks that he hadn't appeared to come with any of his goofy home remedies for her made-up illnesses.

"It's good to see you," he offered kindly, crossing to meet her. "How are you feeling?"

"Great," she lied, through yet another fake smile. She wondered if he could tell she'd been crying, but realized she didn't care.

"How is your-"

"Actually," she interrupted, "I'm not great." He regarded her with sympathy as she ran a hand through her hair. "I've had a really shitty week. Maybe you should come back another time."

She didn't have the energy to humor him right now. He was nice and all, but right now; she needed to focus on-

"My dad said you had an appointment the other day."

His statement stopped Kagome cold, and panicked eyes searched him for any signs of intent.

"He told me everything," he told her solemnly. "He also ordered me to stay away from you."

So much for the Hippocratic Oath.

That bastard! How dare he tell Hojo about her doctor's visit?

She would sue him, if not for, you know... the blackmail and all.

"So then what are you doing here?" Was he going to disavow her now as well? Denounce her for her selfishness? Or would he call the cops on her too? Perhaps he would try to blackmail her for sexual favors, like Eri's slimeball brother, though it would be out of character.

"Defying him," he told her simply. Talk about out of character.

With a small smile, he added, "Also, I wanted to give you this."

She eyed him suspiciously when he handed her a miniature sized envelope. Kami, she really hoped this wasn't a love note or something.

He waited patiently as she opened it with palpable trepidation. But once she saw what was inside; she stopped breathing.

Incredulous blue eyes returned to his face to find him still smiling, and she dumped the two pills into her palm to inspect them more closely.

"How did you get this?" she asked breathlessly, still somewhat in shock. "Did he write you a prescription?"

"Not exactly. I stole his prescription pad." She didn't think her eyes could get any wider, but the straight and narrow boy continued to astound her with one confession after another. He had her full attention now. "He has a pretty sloppy signature, and the girls at the pharmacy know me, so it was no big deal."

She couldn't believe it. Gratitude couldn't even begin to describe what she was feeling. That, and utter disbelief. Good things never happened to her. Not anymore. Certainly not brought over to her house on a silver fucking platter. She couldn't help but wait for the other shoe to drop.

It was too easy. Things were not easy for her. Ever.

"Are you in trouble, Kagome?" he asked with heavy concern as she continued to inspect the pills for authenticity. "Or is this really for a friend."

"No, it's for my friend," she answered absentmindedly. "Why did you do this?"

"Because I love you." Yet another surprise confession from the boy, though it really wasn't that much of a surprise. The surprise was how easily, and confidently he admitted it to her. No matter how obvious he was, they'd always edged around it.

"I always have; you know that, and I will always do anything I can to help you. I will always be there for you, Kagome."

She must have looked ridiculous the way her mouth hung open unattractively while she was stunned into silence, but his dazzling smile never faltered. With a chuckle; he pulled back a bit, and averted his eyes.

"I know I'm not the most exciting guy on the planet," he admitted with a modest smile, but one long look into her blue eyes wiped away all his mirth. He became deathly serious. "but I have never doubted my feelings for you. I hope now, you don't either."

She couldn't believe it. Her prayers had been answered, and he was the black-haired angel to deliver them. He knew just what she needed and he gave it to her freely, without conditions.

Unable to contain herself; she lunged forward, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling his lips to hers in a display of unbridled gratitude.

His hands moved to rest on her hips as he followed her lead, moving his lips in time with hers like they'd kissed a million times before.

She couldn't help it. She was an emotional pressure cooker, and he was the release she needed, or else she was going to burst.

But after they parted; the moment was over, and the look in his eyes had her crashing back to reality.

She was grateful. Really, really grateful. So she felt even more awful for getting his hopes up like that. She didn't want to hurt him.

"Hojo-" she began sympathetically, and removed herself from him. With a smile of recognition; he followed suit, dropping his hands and retreating a step.

"You're not ready; I can see that." It wasn't what she was going to say, but she was more than happy for the interruption. Hojo was cute, but she was never attracted to him. But no matter how many times she brushed him off; he never seemed to get discouraged. If only she did like him like that. It would make everything so easy.

"I know you have a thing for bad boys; most girls go through this phase." She had the decency to blush then. "It just kills me to see those two-timing jerks hurt you over and over." When he boldly lifted his palm to her cheek; she allowed it, and returned his heartfelt gaze. "But once you're finally done letting those delinquents play with your heart; I will be waiting. Just don't make me wait too long."

Oh, how she wished she could. If she was smart; she would shop chasing unavailable demons and pair off with the nice boy who didn't deny his feelings for her. The fact that she couldn't told her there was something really wrong with her. Maybe she deserved the universe's scorn. But she knew from experience there was no dissuading the boy, so maybe he deserved his heartache too, in a way.

If he was smart, he would forget she ever existed.

His easy smile returned, and she matched it with a small one of her own. He released her shortly after, and with a resigned look; he showed himself the door.

The fist still holding the pills clenched tightly against her chest as he left, and once he was gone; she returned them to the envelope for safe keeping.

Her mother let herself in as she was doing so.

"What was that about?"

She was looking curiously at the gift she held, and after everything; Kagome was simply too spent to lie anymore.

"One of my friends in the past is in trouble, so Hojo gave me this."

She worried her mom might not believe it was for a friend if she told her what it was, but after everything, she just didn't care anymore. "It's RU486."

"Oh," her mother replied. "I have some of those in my room."

It took a moment to register, but Mrs. H. retained her poise as wild eyes demanded answers.

"What?" she screeched. "Why? Mom, are you pregnant?"

"No. Not anymore."

Her calm response did little to pacify her daughter's reeling mind, and she could tell the girl was conflicted. Instead of making her ask; she generously answered unprompted.

"I had a... fling, a few months back," she admitted gently. "I wasn't planning it; it just happened out of nowhere." Were Kagome capable of focus; she would have seen the apologetic glint her mother deigned. "That's why I was so adamant about getting you protection. I didn't want to you make the same mistakes I did."

"Who was he?" she somehow managed, after recovering from the bombshell.

"My yoga instructor."

Kagome's jaw dropped.

"He's like, 20!"

"22," she clarified.

"Still, he's closer to my age." And after thinking on it a moment, she added, "And he's gorgeous."

"Yes, he was a sweet boy," the older woman said with a wistful smile. "Far too young for me though."

Kagome would agree, but she wasn't one to make judgements on age differences, all things considered.

Oh, she had questions. A thousand of them reeled in her mind as she tried to remedy this knowledge with everything she thought she knew of her mother, and the universe in general.

Her world had just tipped so quickly it gave her motion sickness.

After coping with the revelation in for a moment in silence; she managed to shelve her more personal - and perhaps more sensitive - queries for the most logistical one.

"So why do you still have the pills?"

Kagome's heart twinged at the hint of sadness in the ensuing pause.

"I had a miscarriage before I could take them. They say it is not uncommon for a woman my age to have complications."

"I'm so sorry," she offered genuinely. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine," she assured her, earning a sympathetic look from her daughter. "It's a sad thing, but for the best. The last thing I want is another child at this point in my life. You and Sota are enough for me."

She couldn't believe her mother had gone through all this without her knowing about it. Not that she blamed her for keeping it secret. First Eri, then her mom... She was missing out on so much by being away all the time.

She supposed her mother's sudden suspicions, though not entirely unwarranted, regarding her sex life made a lot more sense.

At least she was handling it okay. Or she seemed to be.

She never would have considered her mom in this position. Suddenly, the possibility of it not being the first time hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Was I an accident?" she blurted out. Apparently, her filter was out of commission, but she was willing to blame it on the day she'd had.

Had her mother gone through all this stress when she was pregnant with her?

"No." She smiled warmly. "You were... a pleasant surprise."

That answered that. She felt a foolish rush of guilt all of a sudden.

"Souta?" she asked timidly.

Her mother smirked. "Meticulously planned."

A short burst of laughter lightened the tense mood, and throughout their dinner together; Kagome looked at her mother with new eyes.

Later, as she was packing up her bag with fresh supplies; Mrs. Higurashi handed her the small bottle with her name on it.

"Just in case, for your friend."

Kagome looked at prescription thankfully, unsure of what to say.

"You could have saved me a lot of trouble," was what she finally settled on.

"See? This is why you shouldn't keep things from your mother."

She responded to the half-hearted admonishment by pulling the older woman into the tightest hug she had given in a very long time. It was returned in kind. After that; the bond they both feared had been stretching thin over the months and centuries never felt stronger.

---

Sesshoumaru watched on from a short distance away as Rin played happily with the fire cat. He'd nodded his permission when Sango offered to show her a few commands, but the training session had quickly turned into fun and games. He had a sneaking suspicion that was the intention all along.

He never sensed the presence behind him, and cursed his human form along with his inattention when his ward's troubled look registered just in time, and he turned around.

Toran didn't need a whole hand to count how many times she'd been able to sneak up on him over the years, but recent events did not allow her to relish her victory, nor his discomfited reaction as she otherwise would have.

"Do you have him?" he demanded firmly, never one for pleasantries.

"Not yet. But we are looking."

With Rin successfully retrieved; Toran's clan was focusing their energy on helping him track down the one remaining tiger who'd managed to evade justice on his demon night.

With Jaken's bid to locate him proving unsuccessful; it was the one loose end that needed tying before he could finally put a bow on this god-forsaken mission.

"Then why are you here?"

"I spoke to Reo," she informed him gravely, not at all offended by - or unaccustomed to - his rude reception. "I learned what they were doing with your girl, and I thought you'd like to know."

He scowled, not at all pleased at the reminder – not that he could forget, even for a merciful moment what had occurred.

He'd told no one of his discovery, aside from Kagome. No one needed to know, as far as he was concerned. But Toran was an accomplished interrogator, and kept her finger on the Northern Land's pulse reasonably enough. It did not surprise him that she'd figured it out.

And though he didn't want to hear it; he appreciated that she saw fit to inform him.

"I know."

"So you learned of the magic," she surmised, but it was really more of a question.

At his confused look; she elaborated. "The magic that can only be used on demons."

His brow furrowed. Yes, he recalled what he had learned as he was being taken prisoner by Juzo and his men. He had actually meant to inform her, as it sounded like something she and her clan would soon be forced to contend with, but he became distracted with other things and it slipped his mind.

The correlation to Rin, however, was not clear to him.

"What has that got to do with it?" he asked.

Toran crossed her arms, squaring her stance as she prepared to fill him in.

"An army of humans in the Northern Mountains had perfected a form of magic to be used against demons. When the pumas learned their secret; they began cultivating it themselves to wage war against the other cat clans in the North."

This he well knew, but opted not to divulge that he had been aware and failed to inform her.

"It is very effective in acts of disguise and deception, so naturally; my clan along with the others have been trying to create it for ourselves, but to no avail."

So she had known. That changed everything. He should be upset that she had failed to inform him, until now.

"Apparently, during one of their raids; the tigers learned how to make it, and have been experimenting with it ever since.

"To use the magic; the blood of a pure woman must be infused with powerful youki. After, a spell is placed upon the blood. It is how the humans were able to produce it in such quantity, though I am uncertain how there were able to find a powerful youkai to cooperate with the ritual."

Sesshoumaru absorbed the information silently. He had little knowledge of spells, and even less experience, but he had been aware that demon or animal blood were common components for various magics. The use of human blood was new to him.

"The pumas required no such cooperation; they simply plucked untouched women from the various villages they raided and bled them out, collecting their blood and infusing it with youki after their deaths. The only problem was; the blood of one woman could only produce so much of the magic. They required a fresh sacrifice every few days to get what they needed."

It was no great feat for any capable youkai to achieve, though he did see how that could be a nuisance.

"When the tigers learned of this; they got a better idea," she continued cautiously, and eyed him warily before she continued.

"Instead of fusing the pure blood with their youki after bleeding the woman out; they simply gave it to the girl while she was still alive." She could see him tense as his eyes darted to hers. Even human, his aura flared dangerously once the implications registered. "With the youki in her bloodstream; they could remove a good deal of her lifeforce for their purposes, and instead of killing her; she could regenerate what she had lost over a matter of hours. Days, at worst. I have to admit, it is more clever than I gave them credit for."

He understood what she was saying, but it was a shock to him. The gears spun rapidly in his head as he ensured he interpreted her right, and that it was even possible. As far as he could see, it was entirely.

"So you are saying-"

"Rin was their pure blood source. One of those tigers infused her with his powerful youki, and removed what he could – probably cutting her every day or so. After, they placed their spell on it."

She watched as his features hardened – obviously disturbed and displeased by the notion. It was wild how expressive he could be with his new human face.

"I noticed no cuts on her person."

"You wouldn't, would you? She would have had enough youki in her system to make her nearly as strong as a hanyou. She would have healed almost immediately."

The word struck him like a bolt of lightning, and his eyes grew wide.

"Hanyou?"

Before she could respond; he abruptly turned from her and ran off in Rin's direction. She'd been casting glances his way ever since the arrival of their new visitor, and once he had closed the distance; Toran quickly joined them.

"Rin," he commanded sternly, and she stopped playing with Kirara to give him her attention. "I need you to tell me what happened to you with the tiger clan."

He almost winced when she recoiled. Almost regretted his question. But he had avoided breaching this topic with her in detail, and honestly; had no plans to, until now.

But it was time. No matter how unpleasant; he would not do well to remain uninformed.

"You said you knew," she reminded him shyly.

"Did they cut you? Draw your blood?"

Her face took on an ashen quality as she recalled the moment in time both of them desperately wanted to forget. He hated forcing her to think on such things, but this was important.

"Yes," she finally admitted, and he softened imperceptibly. "Almost every day. But they would always put their youki in me first so I didn't die." When Sesshoumaru didn't respond after a moment, Rin grew slightly uncomfortable. "But it started to wear on me after a couple of weeks, so they gave me the sleeping potion to regenerate."

Unnamed anxiety began to steadily build within him that bordered on anticipation. He was on the precipice of something substantial, and every cell and fiber seemed to know it.

What they had done to her was outrageous, and completely unacceptable. But the hope her confession gave him dulled the fire roaring in his ears.

He focused on her with rapt intensity. "How did they put the youki inside you?"

"Through another cut, on my finger." She extended her index finger for inspection. Just as he remembered; there was no evidence of the cut she claimed to receive.

Only demonic blood could have healed her wounds so perfectly, but that's what a half-breed was; the blood of a human tainted with the youki of a demon. It would be more than enough to lend her a hanyou's strength, albeit temporarily. With time, the youki would dissipate if not replenished regularly.

That meant there was a chance... But he needed to be certain.

He averted his eyes downward, allowing his bangs to obscure him as he dropped his tone to something low, and dangerous.

"Did they put anything else inside you?"

He didn't see her baffled expression as he waited on baited breath.

"What do you mean?" she asked, chancing a look at Toran who seemed just as caught off guard by his question.

"You remember your talk with the miko? Did they do anything like that?"

"You mean sex?" she asked after a moment. His lack of response told her she'd guessed correctly. "No! I wasn't in love with them, Sesshoumaru-sama. Did you think that I was?"

Kagome's explanation obviously put some stipulations in place that were in no way a requirement, but he didn't care.

The revelation washed over him slowly; lifting the crippling weight off his chest and freeing the hope he had not allowed himself to nurture.

"That is what you wished to keep from me," he realized, speaking more to himself than anyone.

What happened to her was horrible, and that last tiger would pay dearly. But it didn't stop the ghost of a smile from curling at the corners of his lips.

"I'm confused," Rin said, brow furrowing deeply. "You said you knew what happened to me."

The young girl's eyes flew wide open when instead of answering her; he grabbed the equally startled panther beside him by the cheeks, and pulled her lips to his in uncontainable excitement.

When he broke away after only a moment; he met her shocked expression with a more fully formed smile, and released her to turn back to his startled charge.

"I am sorry for what you went through," he told her earnestly. "But rest assured; we will find that last tiger, and he will pay dearly."

The end of his vow held promise, and the malicious intent was lost on none of them.

With renewed reserve; he returned his attention to the panther demon, all business once again.

"Return to the Northern Lands," he ordered firmly. "When you find him; capture him, and take him to the Western Fortress. Throw him in the dungeons, and return to me. I will deal with him myself."

He rose a brow when he received no response.

"I assume you wish to make an example of any who would attempt a coup within your lands?"

Shaking herself mentally; she addressed the obvious, and gestured to him.

"But what about your-"

"I will deal with it when the time comes," he assured her with a confidence he hadn't displayed in some time. "For now; make haste. You must find him before he finds another woman to aid him in his treason. I thank you for your visit. It was very much appreciated."

"Yeah, no kidding," she replied, still somewhat bemused.

But he was right; time was of the essence. That tiger youkai had been elusive thus far, even with all of her soldiers on his tail. They needed to find him soon.

She stepped away from them to summon her power for travel, but his voice gave her pause.

"Do not forget," he ordered sternly, a purposeful look in his eye. "I want him alive."

---

She wasn't surprised to find him beneath his favorite tree, happily smoking from his pipe.

She'd half expected him to be waiting for her by the well, and was kind of surprised not to receive a more demanding reception. But it didn't matter.

She plopped down beside him with a tired sigh, and proudly produced her very, very hard-earned spoils.

"I got it," she announced, grinning ear to ear despite her mental and physical exhaustion. "It wasn't easy, but I did it."

She was hoping for at least a hint of gratitude, but was disappointed to not even receive acknowledgement. Maybe he'd indulged too much today. She pushed her annoyance down.

"So, do you want to do this now, or-"

"Unnecessary."

She furrowed her brow, taking note of the odd lightness of his demeanor and the small, contented curl teasing at the side of his lips.

"What? What do you mean?"

"What I said. It is unnecessary." His pupils slid to her for a brief moment, and she could his smile begin to spread. "She is not carrying."

"What?"

"They never touched her," he happily relayed. His giddiness was almost palpable.

Her brows continued to knit.

"But you said-"

"I made a mistake. I was wrong."

If he'd ever said those words before; she'd reckon they were not through such a wide, goofy smile.

The sight of it managed to banish every ache and pain she'd been harboring, and when he turned to pin her with it fully; the accompanying sparkle in his eyes took her breath away.

She hadn't seen him look so happy since Rin had returned. She worried she never would again.

And even though she should probably be irritated, all she could do was smile back.

"That's great," she told him, putting the pills back into her pocket. "You wanna fill me in?"

"Later."

After tucking away his pipe securely in his obi; he pushed himself up to stand.

She watched him brush himself off with curious relief, but her heart clenched a bit when he turned to leave her sitting there alone.

But after one step toward the huts; he stopped, and threw a look over his shoulder, squarely down at her.

"Your efforts are appreciated."

That small smile on his lips was one she'd recognized as just for her, and its reappearance had her feeling light as air.

Her heart fluttered in her chest as she returned it, and reveled in the long, silent moment as he meaningfully held her gaze.

Then, he turned and continued on his path – wherever it was.

As she watched him go; she thought about the hellish few days she'd just endured for him.

She'd betrayed her friends, the law, and her own moral compass. And it was all for naught.

But then again, maybe it wasn't.

Rin was okay; that was all that mattered. But if in her unscrupulous journey, she'd managed to show him that she really would do anything for him, then it had not been fruitless.

And that smile he gave her, those eyes... She grinned madly to herself.

'Worth it.'

---

A/N: Ugh! So many scenes!

Kagome seems pretty morally reprehensible in this chapter, but is it justified?

Was she doing whatever it takes to keep a promise to the one she loves, or simply disregarding others just to get what she wants? Or is it both?

If you love someone, are you obligated to help them at all costs, even if the cost is your moral code, or the wellbeing of others?

If not, where is that line?

Back to business next time, I promise. This story is almost over, and the rest is going to focus on sesskag's relationship. I posted the first chapter on 11/30, and my arbitrary goal is to have it all wrapped up by that date this year. But we'll see if my muse wants to cooperate.

Thanks for reading.