Chapter 16 - Discomfort
The number of people seeking for the Lusitanian knights' help was growing larger by the day, but among these enthusiastic people, stood one man who still couldn't bring himself to trust those newcomers.
Theo watched silently as Yanis lifted an apparently heavy wooden beam and proceeded to follow the limping man who had requested his aid with some sort of repairs. Those knights sure knew how to work, Theo thought, but what was their true aim? The former soldier sighed in frustration. There was no way they were doing this out of unconditional kindness and solidarity, not when the King of Pars was involved. As far he was concerned, he might have promised them a special treatment. Perhaps they were to gain privileges, lands, money, gold from all that helping those poor lusitanian souls. What worried him most was their commander. No matter if she was well-meaning, in Theo's eyes Etoile was still far too young and inexperienced to be involved in any of those political matters. And what was her relationship with the king? How did they even come to know each other? As his mind worked to speculate about all possible scenarios, Theo's hand reached for the side pocket of his ragged pants. The piece of paper was still there, carefully folded to keep it hidden from prying eyes. An uncomfortable feeling washed over him. He tried to dismiss it and focused again on Yanis.
Etoile kept her eyes on Theo. She could tell how nervous he was by the stiffness of his shoulder. He had been like that for a few days now. The commander was well aware the man still didn't trust her, nor her fellow knights. He kept the talking to a bare minimum and never looked for them, unlike everyone else living nearby the square.
«Is everything alright, Étoile?»
Anahita's soft yet sudden voice startled the lusitanian girl. Étoile nodded, smiling gently at the older woman, before turning her attention back to the scene outside the small house.
She saw Theo moving, but she couldn't exactly tell what he was doing: the small window allowed her to see only so much. Both women resumed their chores and kept quiet for a few minutes. Anahita was chopping some vegetables that would be served later for dinner, while Étoile worked on a wooden shelf that looked like it could fall apart at any moment.
«Is something wrong with Theo?», Étoile suddenly asked turning back to Anahita.
«Why do you ask?»
«For no reason in particular!», Étoile answered sensing Anahita's increasing worry. «It's just… He's been acting quite… coldly lately», the young commander said, careful to choose the right words.
Anahita sighed lowering her eyes.
«Sorry about that», she said, «I know he can be… difficult, but I assure you he means well!»
«I wasn't implying… I mean, he still doesn't approve of us being here, does he?», Étoile carefully asked.
Anahita looked at her with sorrowful eyes.
«He… doesn't…», the woman finally said. Étoile nodded slightly, turning back to the shelf. «I guess it's because having soldiers here reminds him of the past…», Anahita admitted. Étoile stopped working and looked at the Parsian woman.
«You never told me how the two of you met», the commander said, which she immediately regretted noticing Anahita's darkened eyes.
«I'm sorry I…», she stuttered, but the older woman dismissed her worries with a warm yet sad smile.
«It's alright. It happened during the siege of Ecbatana», Anahita started telling. «All around was crying, fire, blood, I have no clear memory of that night. I only remember my brother and I were trying to get our father out of our house. The fire was spreading fast and we could hear the soldiers approaching. Our father couldn't walk on his own, so we had to carry him, but the smoke made all seem confused and blurry and…»
Étoile listened in silence. She could sense Anahita's pain and discomfort, and even though she wanted to tell her how sorry she was, she knew it wouldn't have healed her wounds, so she kept quiet.
«I only remember this man, a lusitanian knight… he came out of nowhere, holding up his sword and next thing I knew my brother was lying on the ground, in a pool of his own blood. I cried and pleaded but to no vail. I thought both my father and I were about to die, but then another soldier appeared and somehow persuaded the first one to let us live. That man was Theo. I still can't believe it myself», Anahita whispered as tears filled her eyes. «He forced us to abandon my brother's body, a necessary sacrifice to ensure our survival. He led us away and ordered us to hide in one of the houses that had already been plunder. He said it was the safest place. Then he disappeared. That was the longest night of my life. The next day my father and I were transferred in a temporary shelter, then I was chosen among others to serve as cook for the lusitanian army. Theo found me a month later. He said he had been looking for me and my father, that he was worried about us», Anahita said smiling. «I remember asking him why, why he was so concerned with us parsians, but he couldn't give me an answer. He kept visiting me and held my hand when my father passed away a few months later. He never left my side. When King Arslan reconquered the capital, he was among the ones who asked him permission to keep living here. Had he been denied, I would have followed him to Lusitania.»
Étoile stared at the parsian woman. There was something different about Anahita's eyes, a new light, a blend of confidence and determination. Never before had she seen such a powerful gaze on that woman's face. Love sure was mighty, Étoile thought, as Arslan's face took shape in her mind. She shook her head, trying to get rid of that image before her cheeks turned red with embarrassment.
«He was doctor, you know… Before the war I mean… that's probably why he couldn't bring himself to hurt any more people…», Anahita added smiling gently.
«It must have been really hard… I can't blame him for being reluctant. I just hope he'll come around eventually», Étoile commented trying to sound hopeful.
«He will!», Anahita said nodding.
The two women resumed their activities, occasionally chatting about life in the capital after the war, or about Lusitania's difficult situation.
Evening came and since Étoile and her men were still busy with their chores, Anahita offered them to stay for dinner and the night, which they accepted politely despite Theo's evident discomfort. Étoile thanked them both profusely for their hospitality, trying her best to push back that little sense of disappointment that came with the realization that she wouldn't spend the night with Arslan. She wondered if she was doing a good enough job at hiding her feelings or if her fellow knights could tell something was bothering her as easily as Alfreed could see through her act. Anyway, she was absolutely positive everyone in the small room noticed her burning, red cheeks when suddenly a couple of horse riders stopped outside the house and the king appeared on the threshold.
Daryun had tried to dissuade him but to no vail. The king had insisted on taking a brief detour on their way back to the palace to personally check on the lusitanians soldiers' work. The Knight in Black had politely pointed out that it would have been best to go to the palace first to "allow Your Majesty to freshen up", he had said, after the long and tiring reconnaissance that had taken place hours earlier. Arslan dismissed Daryun's worries with a light laugh, stating that sweaty and dirty as he was he would probably fit better among the working men and women living around the small square.
And there they were, at Theo's doorstep.
«Pardon the intrusion», Arslan said waving his hand.
«Not at all Your Majesty!», Anahita exclaimed immediately, bowing slightly.
«I trust everything's going well?», the king resumed, scanning with his eyes the other occupants of the house. Yanis and Thibaut looked exhausted, and so did Malakai, who smiled gently at him. For some reason Kostàs was scowling at him. Étoile was restless, trying to rest her gaze anywhere but on his face. Theo stood behind Anahita, in silence.
«Magnificently!», the parsian woman answered.
«That's good to hear!», the king said happily. «I see you were just about to have dinner…», he added noticing the pots on the fire and the set table.
«Yes…», Anahita nodded. «There's plenty for Your Majesty too, if you wish to join us. Lord Daryun as well.»
Everyone in the room looked shocked, Anahita included. She couldn't believe what she had just said. Inviting the king to stay for dinner? Had she completely lost her mind? That was improper and uncalled for, yet Arslan's gaze had been so gentle she felt like she was facing an old friend and for a moment she forgot her place.
«I'm sorry… I mean», she stuttered turning bright red.
«I'm afraid our quick and poor meal wouldn't appease His Majesty's delicate taste», Theo intervened.
«On the contrary!», Arslan said, taking a step forward. I prefer a simple and genuine meal. It suits me better».
Étoile couldn't help but smile gently.
Not long after, everyone gathered around the table and started eating. It was pretty awkward at first. They barely talk and Anahita almost dropped a bowl of stew on Arslan's head. Theo asked her to sit and cool down before she messed things up. The whole exchange was kind of funny and the incident had everyone laughing. That helped to ease the tension that had filled the room. The king started asking questions about their daily activities, if everything was going well, if they needed something. Yanis and Thibaut's answers were honest and direct, so much that Anahita was surprised they hadn't been reprimanded for their lack of restraint and respect, but Arslan looked completely unbothered. Daryun on the other hand was slightly irritated by the whole situation.
When all plates and trays lay empty, Theo took care of filling everyone's cup with sweet, red wine, much to Thibaut and Yanis' excitement.
«I highly suggest you two not to get drunk», Étoile told them threateningly.
«Oh, come on! They deserve to have a bit of fun after their hard work!», Anahita said. «Besides, this is the perfect chance since you're staying here for the night!»
«Are you really?!», Arslan asked, a bit too loudly and hastily for it to be out of pure curiosity.
«Yes we are», Étoile answered plainly, trying to hide her discomfort and secretly hoping Arslan would do the same. If he had intended to do that however, he failed miserably. His disappointment was palpable, so much that both Theo and Kostàs scowled at him, but for different reasons. The lusitanian doctor's suspicions about the Lusitanians' involvement with the king increased. Kostàs was literally burning with jealously.
«I see. Good then», the king commented, taking a sip from his cup.
«Theo and Anahita offered us a place to rest since our chores took longer than expected», Étoile explained looking at the young sovereign. Arslan put down the cup and smiled at the couple.
«That's very nice of you!», he said.
«It's the least we can do after all their hard work! Their help is very much appreciated. Theo and I have been staying here for years now and we know everyone living nearby. They're all grateful!», the Parsian woman answered.
«How did the two of you meet?», Arslan suddenly asked.
Anahita visibly gulped and Theo's gaze became darker. Étoile sensed their discomfort at once. She had just learned the story and she could sympathize with them.
«They met during the fall of Ecbatana», Étoile answered for them. Both Theo and Anahita looked at her speechlessly.
«That terrible night, Theo helped Anahita survive», Étoile added glancing at the former soldier. «Then…»
«Then I tried to survive myself», Theo interrupted staring at the young commander. «I can continue on my own», he stated. Étoile nodded slightly in agreement.
«What I saw that night», Theo said after a few moments of silence, «Is something I will never forget. No matter how hard I try, the fire, the blood, those inhuman cries… I will never be able to get rid of those images, of those sounds. Anahita thinks of me as a hero», he chuckled bitterly. «A doctor who kills people, is that a hero?»
The pain in Theo's voice shook Arslan and all the others sitting around the table. The young king kept his eyes on the former soldier. His face was expressionless, but his eyes were a mirror of his inner turmoil.
«You saved me and my father», Anahita whispered quietly. «This is a good enough reason for me to call you my hero». Theo sighed.
«As a doctor, as a follower of the Faith of Yaldabaoth, as a man, I couldn't stand it anymore. After what I saw, I couldn't just go on pretending all of that didn't matter. I considered taking my own life, but that would have been too easy». Anahita shuddered.
«I had to live, to remember those whose life had been so mercilessly destroyed, and the pain was almost unbearable. I thought I was lost and that I would never find a way out of my misery. Then she came into my life», he said looking at his wife and taking her hand. «Her love is what keeps me going. In fact, it was Anahita who saved me that night, not the other way around».
The Parsian woman smiled fondly at him and squeezed his hand. The atmosphere instantly felt lighter. The thought that even among death and sorrow, there could be solace and affection left everyone with an inner sense of calm and hopefulness. Almost everyone.
The silence that followed was soon disrupted by Arslan's voice.
«Love holds such power. It can overcome any obstacle and makes us all equal… don't you think, Theo?» The former soldier looked back at the king.
«Indeed, Your Majesty. You are still very young, but I sincerely hope that someday you'll meet someone with whom you'll share such mighty feeling. If you haven't already, that is.»
There was something odd in the way Theo delivered his answer. The low, unsettling tone of his voice and the malicious spark in his eyes discomforted Arslan. The young king only smiled and nodded slightly.
On the other side of the table, Etoile was eager to stand up and leave. Those last few sentences had really upset her as she prayed Arslan wouldn't turn to look at her. The undertone in Theo's words was disturbing. She tried to keep calm, telling herself that there was no way he knew anything about her involvement with the king, but all her efforts were wasted when Arslan did look at her. It was a rather quick glance, however long enough for Malakai and Kostàs to notice, and for once the commander was happy that Thibaut and Yanis were too drunk to pay attention to their surroundings.
Much to Etoile's relief it didn't take long for them to call it a night. Yanis and Thibaut went straight to sleep and so did Kostàs, who barely acknowledged Arslan's polite goodbye. As soon as the dining companions stood, Etoile took her chance and disappeared through the back door into the small porch. She was in desperate need to be left alone to let her madly throbbing heart settle. Arslan, however, had other plans. He had sneaked away from Daryun the moment he saw the young commander leave and followed her in the porch.
«Étoile!» The young commander was startled by Arslan's sudden appearance.
«What are you doing here?»
«Did you really think I was going to leave without saying goodbye?», the young king chuckled getting closer to her.
«That's precisely what you're supposed to do», Étoile said plainly.
Arslan didn't quite get the message and drew even closer. Étoile took a tentative step backward.
«What's wrong?», he asked frowning.
«Was it really necessary? "Love makes us all equal"?», she asked back. The king looked at her with raised eyebrows.
«Do you think I was lying?»
«Oh, no. I'm well aware you were dead serious. That's the problem Arslan», Étoile sighed.
In the few moments of silence that followed Arslan finally closed the distance between them and took her hand. Étoile flinched but she didn't pull away.
«I meant what I said that night. We'll find a way. We have to be patient for now… Look at Theo and Anahita, they're just like us. Different yet joined as one», Arslan told her trying to sound as hopeful as he could.
Étoile appreciated his effort and smiled bitterly.
«You can't possibly think their situation is even remotely comparable to ours», she whispered staring at him with heavy eyes.
«It is…», Arslan said moving a strand of blonde hair from her face.
«It is not! Our relationship is far more complicated. Don't pretend you don't know it.»
Arslan sighed bitterly.
«I never said it would have been an easy journey, didn't I? I'm not giving up so soon. I'm not giving up on us. Having you by my side… that's all I want for us. If you still want me…», he said losing confidence.
Étoile smiled gently and squeezed his hand in hers. That was all Arslan needed to lift his mood. He bent down and kissed her tenderly.
«Your Majesty!»
Theo's voice echoed in the porch as Arslan and Étoile separated at once. «Your horse is ready», the former soldier told him.
«Thank you, Theo», Arslan said smiling at the man. Then he turned to Étoile once again. «I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight.»
«Goodnight», Étoile answered with a quick smile. The king thanked Theo for his kind hospitality, then left the porch.
Étoile watched as he disappeared beyond the door. She moved her gaze on Theo, expecting him to leave as well, but he didn't. He stood still, staring at her with an unintelligible look on his face. She smiled weakly, hoping it would ease his mood, but to no vail. Étoile felt a shiver run down her spine. Theo's piercing gaze was alarming. She was aware he didn't like her, he never did and probably never will, but she couldn't understand the reason. The young commander couldn't stand that scrutinizing gaze any longer and she left without saying a word.
Theo stood in the porch, alone. He shoved his hand in the pocket of his pants and crumpled the piece of paper he kept there.
He hadn't believed it at first. He didn't want to. But after what he had witnessed that night, there was no doubt in his heart.
They were right.