"My lady, I was terribly worried about that some horrid fate had befallen you," Cole observed her carefully. "I saw them catch Lord Thorin – in his changed form… but your room was broken into by the time I reached you…"
"Really, Cole, there was nothing you could have done. The fact that you even found your way back after I set you free, is very kind." She looked out at the deep blue sea, before shutting her eyes to feel the cold breeze against her face. Thorin had driven her to Gulls Bay, a small stretch of sheltered coastline not far from Erebor to meet Cole. The drive had taken an hour, and she had felt a touch queasy, with the strange winding roads. So she took a deep breath hoping it would settle.
"No my Lady, I wish I could have done more to help. By the time I found my way back from the island it was all too late…" he spoke downhearted. "When I pledged to protect you –"
"Don't be silly! You did the best you could. The situation changed rapidly, and no one could have done anything about it." She reassured him conclusively. "But that reminds me – before I forget. Here."
She handed him a small satchel.
"You have a passport, and a small wallet and other official documents in there. You know birth certificate and national insurance numbers and stuff like that. So that you can travel wherever you want like a normal person, and get a job if you want. It's all legit." She smiled, her deep brown eyes lighting up at her own work. "Go on have a look! But I doubt you need to work – I mean you don't eat so your expenses will be low. But I have also put together a bank account in there and got Thorin to put in a fair whack of money. It's what they would owe you for your centuries of service!"
She laughed, as his strangely expressionless face smiled very softly before he opened the bag and looked through, what she had put together meticulously.
"My lady, this is more than I could ever ask for –"
"We named you Cole Pilgrim, kindly lent by Gandalf. The story is that you are his nephew. And he has kindly offered that you always have a home in his gamekeepers lodge on his sanctuary…" she beamed again before leaning in to whisper proudly. "But you can also stay in the old doctors house just outside the Infirmary, here in Erebor if you ever want to. It's still in a state after being broken into but no one uses it now. And the key is in there –"
"But my Lady, this is too much! Lord Thorin would never have agreed –"
"Let's just say he owes me." She laughed. It had required a big argument with him, but she had loved every minute. They had argued over dinner, in his study, and then continued in bed, until finally he had given in. His resistance was pointless. She had done all the work in securing him paperwork for his new life. The money and the key were nothing to him, and Erebors very deep pockets!
"My lady, there is something I must tell you – and can do now that I am no longer a servant to the laws of our kind still in servitude," he spoke softly.
He sat on the floor but he still was nearly as tall as her, from where she sat on an old log that was washed up on the shore of the beach. It had been the perfect place to meet again, given their last conversation, except the temperatures here were near freezing, and her summer dress was now replaced with a multitude of layers! The view of endless ocean in the horizon, even if it wasn't so shimmery under these dull skies, was still incredible!
"There was a red haired woman who found me in the tunnels here in Erebor, and placed me under her service using her imprint. She worked for the military men, and it was under her instructions that I served until you found me." He offered. While his face was incapable to showing a full range of human emotion, his voice was filled with the relief of one who was confessing a great secret. The sort of burden that would have otherwise been taken to the grave! "She is neither kind nor reasonable. And set upon the destruction of Erebor and the heirs of Durin.."
"Did you tell Thorin?!" She looked over her shoulder at his as he sat morosely in his SUV waiting for her interaction with the Golem to be over.
"I tried my lady… but something about it does not sit well. She limited her contact with me. As though she feared the discovery of her identity. Often cloaking herself when she did speak to me face to face. But she was the one who asked me to leave you in Greenwood – that foul place."
"So YOU knocked me out?"
"No, my lady. A wolf from the iron hills brought you to me. You were unconscious by then. And I am not sure I can forgive myself for my own actions, for you have been nothing but kind to me."
She watched as a few single tears formed in his strange expressionless eyes and slowly ran down his statuesque face. It was like watching a sculpture cry. Taking a small tissue out of her own pocket, and thankful for having a clean one there, she carefully dried the sparse trickle.
"So as you can see I do not deserve your kindness."
"Nonsense! You couldn't have helped it." She kept her voice steady, but couldn't help feeling a little hurt and in someways wishing she had not heard this.
"My lady, you do not seem yourself. Are you in any way unwell?" He finally voiced his concern. He had noticed how tired she looked from the moment he met her on the beach, but only plucked up the courage to say it now. "I hope you don't mind… or take offence… at my asking?"
She hesitated. She had been feeling particularly exhausted lately. But then she hadn't been sleeping well on most nights.
Frequently she would wake up to find Thorin transformed, and the bed empty. So when the alpha had finished its patrol around Erebor, and finally settled at the foot of the bed, she would creep out of the enormous bed and settle herself against the beast, where she found herself a far more comfortable bed than the luxurious one she had started the night in. The wolf itself, although showing a great deal of carnal interest in her, never acted upon it, simply engulfing her against its body to keep her warm while she slept. Some nights she was entirely naked, and strangely felt no shame or self consciousness over it in the company of the beast.
On some nights she would share her troubles with him, or they were simply silent. But all the same, she felt strangely comfortable in its company. And every night she had spent with the alpha, it would finally tuck her back into bed under the covers before it changed back by morning. She was unsure how much of this interaction Thorin was aware of, but they never spoke of it.
"No… I.. just don't feel myself…" her thoughts drifted to diagnosing herself, churning through the various possibilities. She felt her stomach churn again at the thought of some diagnoses, but she set those thoughts away. This was not the moment for it. "I guess I have been so busy with so many things… I haven't really been paying myself enough attention…"
"My lady, does something trouble you…?" He asked nervously again. "If you require my assistance, I would do your bidding in an instant –"
"No! Well… I mean, there are lots of things that trouble me –"
"The woman, my mistress. I have spent the last two weeks searching the area, but there is neither any trace of the military men nor her. And I have travelled further north too, but still nothing. It is as though they never existed, apart from the ruins of the base."
She paused to glance at the Golem and nodded.
"So you think she has gone…?" She wasn't sure what to think given her encounter only a week ago.
"It appears as such, but I will not leave for a little while yet until I am sure this is true."
"Cole, you don't need to do that for me." She shook her head, and looked back at Thorins car on hearing the sound of his door shutting, as he got out. Apparently he wanted them to know their time was up. Thorin, who mistrusted the creature had not wanted to let them meet, but had reluctantly agreed to this also after she had begged him.
"He does not trust me now." The Golem spoke resigned to the fact.
"I am not sure he trusts anyone right now." She replied bitterly.
…
Kili stood by the road, his backpack and rifle in hand looking a little lost and thoroughly angry as she pulled over. In fact, she was certain that she had never seen him like this before!
Since Thorin had taken his SUV, which he usually insisted on her driving, so she was glad to be back driving her own car. It was not so big or spacious, but it was faster and much more fun to drive on these sweeping roads.
His face slowly brightened as he saw her approach, mainly at the prospect of driving her little sporty cabriolet!
"What happened…?" She looked around surprised. With the arrival of Dain's son in their lives, she and Thorin had spent less time together. So it hadn't surprised her when he had cancelled their plans to go out in Dale that weekend, in favour of a camping trip with his estranged son. And while he had also invited his nephews and Dwalin, only Kili had agreed to join them, where as Fili and Dwalin, had refused to change their plans, showing their open disapproval of Thorin's change in priorities.
"My new cousin happened!" Kili grumbled. "This was supposed to be about getting to know us, and I felt bad for Uncle since everyone else refused. But all Stonehelm wants to talk about is his mother! What was she like? How did they meet? Blah blah blah? I only just began transforming a month ago… why not share some stories since he is older? But no! I was pretty much ignored most of the time!"
"Oh dear!" She frowned, opening the boot to let him throw his backpack and camping gear in there, before she gestured to him. "Well… I come bearing toys…"
He grinned stupidly at her suggestion, realising that she meant he could drive her car and trotted back to the drivers side, where she stood.
"Yeah, you do look quite tired…"
"Oh thanks! I thought I would have gratitude my way – not an insult…" she paused again feeling her stomach churn again. He was not wrong though, she felt exhausted of late, and earlier that evening she had fought a wave of nausea. She had of course thrown herself fully into work lately, and had agreed to help Dis in planning their masquerade ball for Saturnalia, which had kept her very busy indeed so she imagined it was a satisfactory explanation. "So Thorin didn't even want to drop you off?"
"Not if it meant leaving his precious little boy alone for an hour!" Kili muttered in a mocking tone.
"Gosh! I didn't know Thorin had turned that soppy!" She laughed and then paused again feeling another wave of queasiness.
"What you need is a drive!" Kili offered watching her look a little peaky at first, and then rushing over to the passenger door to open it with a bow, waiting for her to take her seat.
"What I need is a drive, with the wind in my face!" She winked leaning into the drivers seat from where she stood and pressing a button. In an instant, the roof of the car whirred into action, smoothing opening up and folding back, until it had completely disappeared.
"Mahal yes!" His grin spread from ear to ear at the transformation.
She then moved towards the passenger seat, apparently happy with her actions, only to suddenly run back to the side of the road where she fell to her knees as she threw up.
"Woah! You must have eaten something that didn't agree with you…" he was immediately by her side, at first a little taken aback but soon attempting to be useful, pulling her hair out of the way.
She felt Kili's hand rest on her back gently when he passed a bottle of water to her.
"Here…"
"Thanks Kili." She took the bottle grateful now that she was not alone, taking a sip and then using some of the water to splash her face. Then she stood up again, giving him a quick sidelong glance. "I'm okay now… definitely something didn't agree with me…"
Kili turned out to be quite a smooth driver, and she had dozed off in the passenger seat.
She woke up just as Kili pulled the car in to a stop, and found the landscape entirely changed. Night had fallen completely, and they were now parked in a small driveway of a large cottage.
"How are you feeling now sleepyhead?" Kili turned towards her, setting a hand on her shoulder gently. "You look a bit better…"
Rubbing her eyes, she nodded, still a little disoriented.
"You were so sound asleep I didn't want to wake you, so I sort of carried on driving… you missed a great view, but we can catch it on the way back."
"Where… are we?" She looked around, suppressing a little yawn. The moon shone bright in the clear sky, peppered with tiny twinkling stars, and she could clearly hear the ocean now, although it wasn't visible.
"We're on the Blue Isles… This is where we grew up!" He smiled, making his rugged face appear younger. "Fili's here this weekend, checking on everything… he does that every few months, so we can send everything they need, and do repairs and stuff like that."
She stretched, unbuckled her seatbelt and slowly got out of the car, as he mirrored her.
"This place looks beautiful…" she wasn't wrong. The stone cottage, although simple and nowhere near ostentatious compared to Erebor, was beautiful and peaceful. It also had its own understated regality about it.
"It has had a fair amount of work done inside – so its all modern. But it needed that. It was a really run down old fishing community when Uncle bought it. Everyone was pretty much leaving for the mainland. So it was great for a community of werewolves to come and live!" He chuckled, gesturing behind her. "Only the ferrymen were outsiders, and even they have retired now… so everyone here has their roots in Erebor…"
She followed his gaze, turning to look behind her and saw a cluster of pretty cottages not far behind. They were all dimly lit, and she could just about make out the different bright colours they were painted in. But beyond in the darkness she could make out the mainland in the distance, peppered with many more bright lights! It was indeed picturesque.
"Werewolves… Thorin usually doesn't like that term –"
"Well Uncle isn't here. And it's true right?"
"Wait – we're are on an island?"
"Yeah, its really funny, because this place is not rocky like everywhere else, but you can't actually see the sea until you do down the hill on other side. It's really weird." He came to stand with her, as the car whirred back into life with the roof of the car slowly shifting back into place, like some sort of robot doing a slow dance. "But the beach down there is gorgeous! Waters cold – but you'll see tomorrow!"
"Tomorrow…?" She frowned.
"Yeah. I mean, Fee is here. And it's too dark to use the Ferry unless you are really desperate…" he laughed at her as if he were trying to explain something really simple to a little child. "Besides, its not like you have anything planned right? Old Stony-face scuppered all that for all of us… and since you felt a little ill, I sort of figured that you could do with a little break. Fresh air… entirely private beach… really great food… maybe we will steer you clear of any seafood this weekend – although you couldn't get anything fresher than here!"
"Won't… they be… expecting us back?" She looked around a little worried. She had no clothes, no toiletries, no phone charger… it felt like being kidnapped all over again! Only this time with good company!
"Amad will know you are with me… if anyone worries they can call us, your mobile phone works great out here away from the giant mountain! And we can find you some clothes tomorrow – there will be some pretty stuff belonging to Amad here, from when she was waaay skinnier than now. It will probably still be a bit big on you…"
He tilted his head to look her up and down, trying to gauge her size, and nodded as though confirming with himself about his suspicions.
"But they aren't expecting us really are they…" she looked around worried.
"Nah! Fili hates coming here alone – so he will love the company. And Olga will have no issues. She cooks masses anyway, and you can stay in Uncle's room." He replied with utter surety and the smugness of someone who had planned the whole thing on his drive here, and felt confident about his decisions.
Just beyond them, the door to the cottage opened up revealing Fili's familiar shape. He too walked over, apparently quite unfazed, as though he had been expecting them all along.
"Brother…?" Fili observed quite surprised. "Did you bail on Uncle…?"
"Nope – they just needed to have soppy time together to talk about some woman." Kili groused, giving his older sibling an embrace.
Fili smiled at Shobha a little shyly, before leaning over to give her a peck on the cheek. He hadn't really spoken to her since that night when he had hunted her after changing.
"Well, come on in. It's chilly out here.." he gently wrapped an arm around her waist and smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry Kili's dragged you out here like this. We've got warm vegetable stew going. You're just in time for supper…"
As they all walked through into the small hallway, a young girl appeared. She wore an apron over a sweatshirt and track pants, and had her chestnut wavy hair tied up.
"Good evening Miss," she smiled nervously. "I'm sorry I am not dressed properly. Master Fili never minds, so long as he has supper on the table by seven-thirty… and I have been scrubbing the kitchen all day…"
"Please don't worry on my account – "
"Hilda…?" Kili abruptly stopped looking at her as if he had seen a ghost.
"Kili!" She blushed initially on seeing the younger of the two brothers before regaining her composure. "I'm sorry… I had better check on my dumplings…"
And she was gone, just as quickly as she had appeared.
"You didn't tell me Hilda was back!" Kili hissed at his brother.
"Well, you didn't ask!" Fili whispered back.
"What are you after her too now?" Kili replied sounding thoroughly angered at the prospect.
"Don't be an imbecile brother." Fili then whispered to Shobha who still stood between them silently, quite surprised by the turn of events over the course of the evening. "Kee here, had a huge crush on Hilda. But she was a good eight years younger, so he never did ask her out. By the time she was old enough, she went off to university in London. This is the first time he has seen her in over a decade!"
"Oh my!" Shobha smiled patting Kili on the shoulder with mock sympathy, much to his chagrin. "Well… Now's your chance to ask her…"
"Great! I look after you when you feel a little ill and this is how you repay me?"
"Relax little brother. She got back six months ago, and spends most of her days painting. She's not taken –"
"What happened to Olga?"
"Olga, is Hildas sister." Fili explained to Shobha before she even asked. "Olga, had her first baby with Wes, she's too busy to keep our house right now."
Kili groaned realising she would be here and very much available for the foreseeable future.
"Come on! Faint heart never won fair lady!" Shobha chuckled with a wink, watching the youngest of the Durins blush a little.
…..
"You know his Lordship had asked for the house to be prepared for a visit with you in a week… I think he was planning to bring you here," Hilda admitted quietly, as she carried on clearing the plates and dishes that Shobha brought over. "He had asked for the fridge to be stocked and given me the weekend off."
"Oh." Shobha replied absentmindedly. "He hadn't really said much about it…"
"Yes, well my mother has been helpful with more specific instructions… I am quite new to this –"
"Housekeeping…?"
"Aye Miss." Hilda nodded.
"Please just Shobha is fine." She looked at the young woman carefully, and suddenly the resemblance was more than clear! "Oh my gosh! You are Helgas daughter!"
Hilda smiled, realising that she had only just worked it out. Their clan was so small, that she was used to everyone knowing about everyone else. It was refreshing to meet someone who had no such interest.
"He – maybe I shouldn't say…" she hesitated.
"Oh gosh no! Please tell me!" Shobha looked at her nervously worried about what he intended.
"Well… he wanted those tiny lights put around the bedroom…"
"Tiny lights?" Shobha pondered for a minute before bursting out into laughter. "Oh my gosh! You're serious?!"
Hilda started laughing at that point too and nodded.
"I apologise, Miss – I mean Shobha. I just never expected his Lordship to say that…" she covered her mouth with her hand unable to contain her laugh. "It's not what one would think of him… here let me show you, since you are staying there anyway tonight."
Hilda dried her hands and led the way, taking her through the cosy sitting room, up the stairwell and along the long corridor where the bedrooms were located. It was an old stone cottage which had now been almost entirely modernised inside. But it was not as small as it looked from outside, thanks to an extension that had been built into the side of the house. This also meant that there were around seven bedrooms, allowing a large extended family to live together there.
"So, Hilda… why did you stay here?" Shobha asked as she followed the young woman.
"I don't know really… my parents have kept house for the Durins for a long time. And I think my mothers parents before that. So I guess when they moved back to Erebor, we were still too small, and there were still people here on the Blue isles. And when my grandparents stayed, me and my sister did too. But then Olga began to court her husband and he is the town lawyer, so she was never going to move back after that… As for me, I always wanted to go to university and study in London. And I did get a place. But, my grandparents both fell ill soon after, so I deferred and stayed to take care of them. It was only right…" she explained slowly. "It wasn't until after they both passed that I left. They were kind to leave me enough inheritance to fulfil my dream. And well, my parents gave me some extra to go travelling afterwards. I loved seeing a lot of the world, but with Olga about to have her baby; well it just seemed like the right time to come back… at least for a bit."
They carried on together silently for a little while, each reflecting on their own lives and taking stock.
"Do you like it here? Being back I mean? It's just that it seems so quiet…" Shobha asked still deep in thought.
"I get a good wage, live in this big house with little to do most of the time but keep it tidy and clean. So it gives me plenty of time to paint…" Hilda admitted. "I would like to have an exhibition one day… maybe my own gallery…"
"That sounds amazing." Shobha agreed as they carried on.
"And what do you think of this place?" Hilda glancing back at her, a little curious.
"Well, Erebor certainly is much quieter than what I am used to…" Shobha wouldn't help laughing at that as she recalled how depressed she had felt at first, until her the large wolf had stalked her that night, hinting at the wealth of secrets hidden within the small and seemingly sleepy little highland community she had moved to. "But I have found there is much more to life here than I first realised…"
And she meant it! Between falling in love with the entire Durin clan, from the warm and younger siblings and Dis, to the quiet and sweet Balin, or Dwalin who was like a grumpy teddy bear, and of course her greatest weakness, the leader of their clan itself, she felt she had a new family up here.
Even Oin had turned into more of a father figure than a boss over the months! To boot, she was only just getting to understand their complex culture and celebrations. And while she would never admit it to anyone because of how weird it sounded to herself, the truth was that she had never felt a more intimate connection with anyone than she had with the Alpha wolf. All those nights she had spent recently in its arms, whispering her troubles to it, or listening to its steady heartbeat had left her feeling safe and at ease.
Hilda stopped at the furthest door, and observed her with a gentle smile on her lips.
"A lot of people talk about you…" Hilda smiled. "I think you are as nice as they say. And I hope his Lordship marries you."
Shobha suddenly looked up at her, brought back to reality by her words from her dreamy place of reflection.
"Oh dear! What do they really say about me?" She asked Hilda nervously. "Wait – maybe I don't want to know…"
"Well, of course there are those who don't approve of an outsider. But all the same there are many more who think you are exactly what this old place needs… Marina was the last outsider we all really met… and well…"
They both fell silent at that, with Hilda worried that she had upset Shobha, and Shobha pondering whether Thorin still harboured any feelings towards the woman.
"But really there's no competition, I mean, you are far prettier." Hilda added even more worried now. "And she was very cruel… maybe not to Thorin, or anyone in high places. But she had no kindness for those of us she deemed lesser. Please don't think any more of it…"
Hilda gently ushered her into the room where she moved to a corner and switched on a plug. Suddenly the austere room was bathed in the glow of several strings of pretty fairy lights that were draped over the smaller four-poster bed that stood in the centre.
Instantly both women began to laugh at the thought of such a grumpy man making such a soft gesture. She had come to see that despite his harsh, demanding and often quite stubborn nature, Thorin was actually quite shy and even gentle underneath it all.
"He had seen a picture of your bedroom somewhere among your family pictures and your mother had mentioned that you still had the fairy lights. So he wanted to do this for you!" She laughed again. "My mother mentioned that he procured a small box of the same for Durin Manor… I am sorry if I have ruined the surprise now…"
"Please don't be sorry!" Shobha chuckled again as she looked around the rest of his room. It was very sparsely furnished with only a small wardrobe, a blanket box at the foot of the bed and a padded highback armchair that looked like it had seen better days. "Well… this is very Thorin."
"I don't think the room or furniture has changed since they first moved in and expanded the house so that Lady Dis and the young masters could stay." Hilda admitted. "Oh! He did ask that I move a mirror in here for you – I can get that –"
"Please don't worry!" Shobha patted her on the shoulder. "But I could really do with a phone charger… I think mine is about to run out of juice."
"Of course. But really don't worry right away… it will be nice to unplug for a little. Maybe I can take advantage of how peaceful it is out here." She admitted suddenly feeling a little more tired. In truth she was tired of worrying about how Thorin might be feeling, in particular about Marina.
"Are you well, Shobha…?" Hilda observed her, forehead creased with worry. "You do look a little peaky."
She smiled, waving her hands in a reassuring manner.
"I think I am coming down with something," her reply was noncommittal. "I am sure it's nothing a good night sleep can't fix right?"
"In that case I should leave you to enjoy your room," Hilda remarked with an elegant tilt of her head at the fairy lights. She was even unable to hold back a cheeky smile as she added. "The en-suite is through that door… the bed has all fresh linen, but there are spare blankets in the box at the foot of the bed if you feel cold in the night… enjoy your lights!"
…..
Kili was not wrong, just beyond the house, the garden had rolled away down a gentle hill to meet a sandy beach. The caramel powder sands had stretched on as far as the eye could see into the distance where the island curved off.
She had spent that Saturday morning on the Island resting, then after breakfast had gone for a short walk before resting again. It had been the rest she had needed. She had even been able to call her parents on her mobile phone there and have a long chat! Finally they had headed out to the back of the house just after dinner.
On their stretch there were four pairs of very worn, smooth wood deck chairs with an umbrella stand between each pair, all facing the deep blue ocean.
It was not tropical like what they had in Fiji, but it was beautiful none the less, with a peacefulness that was perfect for allowing the mind to simply unwind. It made her recall what Thorin had shared with her about how times had been tough for them during their years here. She could imagine him resting here for a few minutes at the end of a hard day.
The sun was setting, turning the skies into a palette of pink, peach and amber shades. And the familiar night time chill was creeping in.
She sat silently wrapped in her blanket, breathing in the fresh sea air as she lay on the nearest deck chair, while the two brothers continued chatting about a variety of things.
Her appetite had not returned as it should have after yesterday, and this had been the first weekend that she hadn't seen Thorin at all for several days in a row, for a while! And the red haired woman's words of warning left her feeling uneasy about it all.
"You're very quiet Shobha…" Kili finally looked over to her from where he sat upright.
"Mahal brother! What idiots we have been; Shobha must be absolutely freezing!" Fili frowned standing up straight away.
" -No! It's okay! Really!" She replied, but he had already disappeared.
"Nah! Don't worry about it. Fili will get it sorted! Uncle used to do this all the time." Kili smiled gently, before his features clouded with worry again. "How are you feeling since yesterday? I'm sorry – maybe it was my bad driving…"
"No. Honestly, you were fine. I think it was just something that didn't agree with me… it's fine." She watched the waves breaking against the shore again.
"We learnt to sail here – it's not something we have ever done, being a clan of miners you know…" Kili replied quietly. "But Uncle knew. He had taken work with some trawler men. He said that he had felt sick for several weeks, and when he had thrown up overboard while working, the men had laughed saying that more fish would be draw in to feed on his sick! Isn't that just disgusting?!"
She nodded suppressing another wave of queasiness at that.
"Anyway we had this tiny dinghy… I am sure it's in the outhouse behind the back still. But it had the biggest sail I had ever seen as a child. It would swell up like a pregnant lady as soon as even the gentlest wind touched it!" Kili laughed staring out into the distance. "There was something really wonderful about those summers when we were kids…"
She laughed at his description, imagining him as a small child looking up at the full sail with it's gravid appearance. And then suddenly a terrifying thought occurred to her! Had she been so busy that she had neglected looking after herself…?! Certainly the time had flown by in a series of occurrences and events, with it being almost eight weeks since Durins Day and when they had gone to Fiji.
"Shobha…? Are you alright?" Kili's voice slowly brought her back from the world of panic she had fallen into at the possibility she was now considering. "Don't worry, Fili will get the fire pit set up – that's what he went to get… and we can have marshmallows and hot chocolate – and get you warmed up…"
"Aye – you do look a bit pale." Fili remarked as he set the heavy curved metal cinder-covered bowl down in the sand. "To be honest, I think Uncle had planned to bring you here this week if you ask me…"
"If not for that muppet-headed idiot of a cousin of ours…" Kili interrupted, his tone dripping with disdain.
"Really… it's fine. In fact I think I probably had more fun this weekend with you all –"
"Oh no! You are going to have fun though." Kili chuckled. "We have lots of embarrassing stories about Uncle… and we feel sharing them with you is the only right thing to do; I mean, you should know what you might end up married to…"
"Hmmmm…." Her reply was still quite distracted. "I'm not sure that's the way things are going really…"
"What makes you think that?" Fili looked up from where he crouched while he arranged logs and tinder to make up a fire.
"I don't know – I suppose, he's not young is he… and now he has a child as well, would he really want to do it all over again with me…?" Her reply was honest, but her worry existed beyond this now.
"Well, would you like to have children Shobha?" Kili asked, sitting up to face her, his interest sincere.
"Yeah… I think that would be nice…" she shrugged attempting to keep her tone neutral, although the sheer panic within her was now spiralling. "It's certainly not something I want to rule out."
"Well then you just tell him. And I think he wouldn't refuse your wish." Fili walked over and sat by his brother, his face filled with equal concern. "I find it hard to imagine any man denying you that…"
"I don't want to drag someone into shouldering that responsibility with me if they didn't want it wholeheartedly… It has to be something he would want too." She spoke with conviction this time because she meant it. "Children take a lot from you, especially when they're young. I've seen how things were for my sister…"
"But you wouldn't be alone; you'd have us all!" Kili smiled, shifting to sit beside her and wrap his arm reassuringly around her shoulder. "Uncle Kili and Uncle Fili would help out with babysitting!"
Kili beamed at her warmly, his face lit up by the glow of the amber flames now burning strongly in the fire bowl nearby.
"Really? You would give up date nights to look after my hypothetical children?" Shobha laughed out loud finally.
"Errr… yeah… I mean I would have to move things around… and I guess the days would be negotiable…" Kili squirmed, looking a little more worried now, although still maintaining his reassuring smile, even though it was clearly forced. "Don't forget Amad would be there to help too!"
Fili caught Shobhas eye as they both laughed.
"Don't worry… I wouldn't ask all that of you." Shobha patted Kili's hand.
"I wonder whether any babe you both conceived would inherit our Durin curse…?" Fili thought out loud quirking an eyebrow.
"But women don't inherit it anyway right?" Shobha asked curious.
"Aye, but why would you want this?" Fili spoke, his voice quiet with regret.
"Do you not enjoy the power and freedom you have –"
"Sometimes." Both Durins replied in unison.
"But, sometimes it's not great." Fili admitted.
"And until you get used to it, changing is painful" Kili confessed. "I thought I was going to die with the pain, the first time it happened."
And they all fell silent, deep in contemplation at that, while the fire burned brightly, casting a range of light and shadow dancing about them.
…..
Her stay on the Blue Isle had come to an abrupt end when she had wondered downstairs to find Dwalin sitting comfortably in a large armchair smoking his pipe, while the other three had been deep in a heated conversation. When they had all fallen silent on her arrival, she had realised that Erebors chief of security was here to escort her back! And so, partially annoyed but also somewhat glad for it, she had accepted that she was expected back.
"I'm okay…" she lied as she slowly got up, now fully glad for Dwalin's assistance where her wobbly legs no longer held her. She was in no way alright. In fact, she was now pretty certain that she was entirely terrified. Pouring water on her face first, she then took several swills to clear her mouth before finally taking a sip.
"That's not alright Lass… and ye didn't have much breakfast either." He observed her carefully.
Thorin had sent Dwalin to pick her up as soon as he had returned from their camping and hunting trip. There had been no awkward call or angry anything, and after last night, there was a lot they had to discuss openly. She had not felt like eating much that morning, but had been off her food for sometime now and it was all becoming hard to ignore. So in someways she had been grateful for Dwalin's offer to drive her back in his large and comfortable SUV, which was far more suited to those remote roads than her sporty low-slung cabriolet!
"It's a bit of travel sickness – these hills and winding roads –"
"Lass, ye never got sick before?" His tones suddenly quietened. "Mahal! Yer up the duff aren't ya?"
She froze, as if his vocalising it finally stopped her from living in denial. Slowly, she let out a sigh in confirmation.
"Ha! Ha! I knew it!" Dwalin smiled, gently patting her arm. "Better sip some more water lass –"
"Please don't say anything, or make a fuss, Dwalin." She pleaded as she took another sip of water from the canteen he handed her earlier. "I haven't really taken a test… or told…"
"Ya haven't told Thorin yet." Dwalin finally realised her hesitation.
"No… and it's not exactly something we were planning. And we were being so careful…"
"Och lass, he would be ecstatic! I promise ya." He moved closer to wrap his arm around her in reassurance, only to have her immediately wrap her arms around him sobbing. "There, there now lassie…"
He held her as she cried into his chest.
"I don't know what I'm doing right now. Look at all the crazy threats… and terrible things I have got myself into…" she sobbed. "How can I be a decent mother…?"
"Ye put so many others before yerself in all those decisions ye made… I think ye'll make a fine mother. Although we will have to protect ye a bit more these days Eh?" He added gently stroking her hair as she continued to sob.
"I didn't even notice it until the last few days –" she whispered accepting the handkerchief he offered her. "I don't know how I will tell my parents! We're not even married. This is not how I imagined things would go…"
He held her gently and let her cry, uttering all her woes, half sobbed into his chest for a little before he interrupted her.
"Lassie… I find that life happens in strange ways. And ye will find everything will work out in the end…"
She slowly pulled away from his broad chest, where her tears had made his jumper damp.
"Now I've ruined your sweater too!" She mopped her eyes again.
"Nah. Yer alright." He patted her on the back gently.
"Please Dwalin, can we keep this between us…? It's just that I am not sure how I am going to tell Thorin yet… And with everything going on at the moment –"
"Ah with Stonehelm and Dain ye mean?" He tapped a finger to his nose. "Mums the word lassie… but better find a way sooner rather than later – before ye start to show. Yer boobs are getting big fer starters and Dis, has got the eyes of an eagle… If I figured it out; then chances are she will too."
…..
Dear All,
Yup her life is complex enough but now this!
Wishing you a happy and safe new year xx