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SOS Stands For?

A couple of issues had arisen, so Haruhi held a board meeting in the tea cafe at the bottom of the hill with her number one—which was me. We sat next to each other at a counter placed against the main window which gave us an excellent view of the thoroughfare outside. Steam rose from the fragrant teas set before us.

Haruhi, dressed in shorts and a tank top, crossed her toned lovely legs and asked, "So what's up?"

"We've got a couple of problems," I replied. "First of all, the SOS Boosters' ranks are growing. There are twelve members now."

Her eyes lit up. "No kidding. That's great news. Now there's fifteen walking, talking advertisements for the SOS Brigade strolling the halls. Thirty if you count shirt-and-tie guys."

"Unfortunately, one of the girls is having problems with her jacket."

Haruhi lowered her brow. "We're not forcing anyone to become a jacket girl." She ran her hands along her legs from below the knees to the edge of her shorts. "I love the feeling of freedom when I'm wearing one of my client's jackets." She hugged her breasts. "It's the next best thing to being naked."

I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut for a few seconds to clear the image from my mind. It didn't work.

"You need to get your mind out of the gutter," Haruhi chided.

When I opened my eyes, she was looking at the tent in my shorts.

"I'm having tea with the smoking-hot leader of my school's fellatio club, with close to four hundred confirmed blows documented in her notebook," I said, "with none of those being me. What did you expect?"

Actually, I was the very first entry in her notebook although Haruhi didn't know it. When I tried to broach the subject and reveal this fact, she didn't want to hear it. Ryoko Asakura claimed that at some level Haruhi already knew. Wisdom told me the exact right time would reveal itself. But that didn't keep me from trying to push things along.

"You know my policy. Call Mikuru or Yuki for relief."

"It's not fair."

"Life's not fair. Deal with it."

"Can't you give me a hand job, or can't you simply have sex with me?"

"No, and no. If you want a hand job, give it to yourself. As for sex, the only thing entering my special place is the perfect penis. So tell me the problem."

I pointed down. "I've got a raging hard-on and you won't blow me."

"No, the other problem, concerning the jacket."

"There's a Booster couple comprised of a short guy and a tall girl, and the jacket isn't covering."

"Kip and Angie, right?"

I nodded.

"They're so cute. I had Kip on my schedule but he canceled."

"You know why he canceled?"

"Of course. But it's no big deal. There's lots of single guys in the school."

"The coattails of Kip's jacket just barely cover Angie's bare bottom, and by 'barely,' I mean they don't. She wants to know if she can wear Kip's boxer shorts too."

"So he goes commando?"

"Exactly."

"Personally, I'd never take that route." She pushed her thumbs into the creases where her legs met her torso and wiggled her hips. "It feels so much better wearing nothing at all down there."

I glared at her. "Stop that."

"You and Yuki are the ones that came up with this whole rental jacket scheme, and the Boosters are an autonomous club."

"True, but as the SOS Brigade general, you are the person they go to for advice."

"What do you think?"

"I'm fine with girls renting boxers," I said, "for a small additional cost."

"What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Maybe a ball massage?"

"I usually provide that for free." She cupped her hands and pretended to fondle two tennis balls.

I shifted my legs and groaned. "Ball massage isn't on your premium services list?"

"No. It's such a small thing. A courtesy even. Plus I do it as part of my inspection. We can't have jacket girls with their bums and veejays on display all day. That would lead to trouble. Thumbs up on the massage."

"Okay, so that's settled." I sipped my tea. "On to problem number two. When I registered the club, I said we were the SOS Brigade."

"That's exactly right. So?"

"Word is getting out about what the SOS stands for."

"I know." Haruhi furrowed her brow. "And half the student body things the first 'S' stands for sensational, thanks to you."

"The 'Sensational' or 'Spectacular' part isn't the problem. It's the 'Oral Sex' part that doesn't work."

"Doesn't work for who?"

"The class president has asked us to clarify what the initials stand for. Just initials won't work. It's not a huge deal. We simply need to come up with a cleaner name that still incorporates the letters SOS."

"I see." Haruhi placed her finger to her chin. "Well… I've always used sausage as a code word for what I really mean, so I think we should stick to that theme."

"I see," I said. "So optimally, one of the S's would stand for sausage. That limits our options, though."

"Let's brainstorm. I'm sure we'll think of something."

"How about the Savorers of Sausage Brigade. That's kind of cool."

"Nah. Too forced. I hate it when people force some goofy phrase to fit an acronym."

"How about Suckers of Sausage? That's pretty accurate."

"A little too accurate for my taste, pardon the pun. Sausage sucking gives the game away. We can do better."

"Okay, then how about Swallowers of Sausage?"

"It's definitely better, but it might put some guys off. Don't get me wrong. I always swallow. Never the sausage, but what comes out of it." Haruhi licked her lips.

I took a deep breath as I felt my dick hardening again.

Haruhi noticed my tent. "Sorry. That was my fault."

"It's always your fault," I shouted.

She leaned forward. "How about this? Get your mind off of my blowing you, or I'll kick you in the balls."

I formed a fig leaf with my hands and thought about kittens. "Okay," I continued, "how's this? The Sausage Society."

"Where's the 'O'?"

"The Society of Sausage then."

"But we still need to add Brigade. Society of Sausage Brigade doesn't sound right."

"How about the Sultans of Sausage Brigade?"

"Makes no sense. It's like the Generals of Hotdogs Army."

"How about the Sitting on Sausages Brigade? That evokes some interesting imagery." I leaned back and glanced at Haruhi's bum.

"False advertising. The members of our club don't take part in any below-the-belt whoopie, either anal or conventional. We focus strictly on fellatio."

"You know that won't work for the SOS Boosters," I said.

"I don't control that group. I only give them guidance. So that's not my problem."

"Well then, I don't know." I shook my head. "That's the best I can come up with. There's only so much you can do with SOS. I was going to suggest the Swallowers of Semen Brigade, but that's too obvious."

"And it's nearly equivalent to Spectacular Oral Sex, so we're back at square one." Haruhi frowned. "Your suggestions are going downhill fast."

"They might improve if you provided some spectacular oral sex." I twisted toward her and thrust my hips forward.

"Not happening. Are you giving up on names?"

"Of course not," I replied. "Just like I'm not giving up on getting blown by you. I'm not a quitter."

She patted me on the back. "You may be misguided, but you've got the right spirit."

A light bulb lit over my head. "That's it."

"What is?"

"Spirit. We can call ourselves the Spirit of Sausage Brigade."

"That's totally lame. It sounds like a religious order."

"So what if it does? The concept works perfectly. After all, when you get on your knees to suck off a guy, isn't it almost an act of worship?"

"No. I'm just doing my duty."

"And what's your duty?"

"To search for and find the perfect penis."

"As directed by the gods."

She rested her finger along the side of her nose. "You know, you make a good point. They're the reason we're sitting here."

"The name doesn't sound overly contrived either. It's not ultra-lame like, for example, the 'Spreading excitement all Over the world with the Haruhi Suzumiya Brigade.'"

"Gag me with a spoon." Haruhi feigned the act by putting her finger in her wide open mouth. "That's about as contrived as you can get." She lifted her chin. "The Spirit of Sausage Brigade has grown on me, however. I like it. Good work, Kyon."

"Do I get a prize?"

She leaned forward. Then she kissed me on the cheek and patted my package. "Go and find Mikuru and tell her I'm commanding her to tune you up."