A/N: Hello all and welcome to chapter 33. What have I been doing in my time off between working and still getting situated at my new place? Well, too much gaming to be honest and not enough writing. Still, I can fix that. Kind of.

Paradox Effect

Summary: Dying sucked. Dying and being killed by the same teammate again? That sucked even more. Dying and being thrown back into Blood Gulch as a girl? That REALLY sucked. Now, Leona Church will have to deal with Tucker's perverted looks, Caboose's stupidity, and worst of all, Tex's laughter…

*Chapter 33*

Leona chucked an empty beer can in the general direction of Red Base, yelling out slurred insults. "Get fucked, shitbirds! You suck! Red Team blows! Go Blue!"

"Dear God, you're fucking trashed," Church sighed. "I never thought I'd regret going out drinking with you as much as I do now. Why? Why the fuck did I think this was a good idea in the slightest?"

"Pffffffft I'm as sober as a bird!" Leona giggled and nearly fell off the cliff. She managed to catch herself by clutching onto a rock for support and rubbed her eyes. She had been on the cliffs yelling drunken insults at the Reds for nearly an hour now and all the beer had long since gone. She was going to have one hell of a headache later on but it was so worth it.

"Go home, Leona. You're drunk."

"Pssssh go fuck yourself."

"Leona." Church's hologram appeared in front of her hazy vision and he glared at her, arms crossed. "I don't need to explain to Tex why you fell off the cliff in a drunken stupor. I already got my ass kicked by her enough times, thank you. Now. Pick your shit up and get the fuck back to base or I will take possession of your body to do it."

He wasn't fucking around. He could do it, too, which was the annoying thing.

Leona let out a groan and reluctantly caved in. "You're such a stick in the mud. Killjoy."

She started her trek down the cliffs back to base and let out a weary yawn. "Hey, what time is it?"

"The fuck do I look like, your goddamn alarm clock?"

"Would certainly explain why your voice is so grating."

Goddamn she loved fucking with him. Every conversation was pretty much a sass war now and she was pretty sure she was leading in the score. He simply couldn't match her sass. The only one who could was Tex, as much as she hated to admit it.

"You have a real talent for comedy." Church let out possibly the most sarcastic laugh she had ever heard. "Hey, maybe you should try it more. Why just make our lives miserable when you can work over an entire crowd?"

"Tempting. But I wouldn't get paid as much nor would I get the overtime. Technically I have never clocked out so I'm getting that money." Leona smirked. "What's the surprised silence for? Aren't you the one who taught me how to be a crafty bitch?"

"Yep. And I regret it more and more with each passing day." Church let out a sigh and hovered over her shoulder as she walked back. "So, want to place bets on what's happening back at base? I got twenty credits on York being naked again and Tucker vomiting his brains out. Big baby talks so much shit but he can't handle his drink like us."

"It's because we're better looking. We own the fuckin' room with our awesome nature," Leona pointed out. "And as for your question, I have money on York trying to not strangle Caboose for the tenth time this week. Fully clothed."

"Huh. I would have guessed that you wanted him naked. I saw you looking earlier." He chuckled knowingly.

"I was just admiring his muscle structure," the blue haired woman objected.

"Yeah, a specific part of his muscle structure," Church deadpanned.

"That's just a matter of penis…I mean opinion! Opinion…"

"…smooth."

Tex wasn't surprised to see Leona stumble back into base reeking of alcohol. Her coming back sober would have been more of a shock in all honesty. What did surprise her was the furious blush on her face and Church looking incredibly smug about something.

"Do I even want to know?" she asked hesitantly.

"Oh it's nothing," Church replied innocently. "Leona's just remembering seeing York naked."

"Kind of hard to forget it since it was like three fucking hours ago, Tinkerbell," Tex deadpanned. "She'll be fine. Probably." She had also been unfortunate to walk in on York in the nude more than once with South when they were raiding Wash's liquor cabinet. It was no secret that York didn't care about being nude but still, it was a hell of a shock to open the door and see his toned ass right in front of them. She still couldn't forget how casually he turned around and said hi.

"Tex, I think she's in a coma. You might have to wake her out of her lewd dreams first." Church chortled. "I hope your kissing is good enough because I really do not want to be here when you two go further. I kinda can't leave the room unless I get yanked."

"I really wish you had a mute button." The blonde let out a groan and guided her intoxicated and daydreaming girlfriend to their room, hoping to God that York didn't burst in naked. "And please tell me York is dressed."

"He is. Mostly."

"As long as the important bits are covered, that's all that matters. Make yourself useful for a change and babysit Tucker. I think he needs someone to hold his hand while his stomach commits suicide."

"That bad? Fucking gross." Church retched. "I'll go make sure the big baby is fine. What are you two gonna do, fuck again? Because if you do I ask to keep it down. I heard enough of Caboose asking about those wrestling moves."

…

"You wanna talk about it?" Tex offered.

"…no." Church vanished. Oh. Well, it must have been traumatizing for him. Pity. She could have used the laugh to take her mind off of her own mental issues. She was working on it, thanks in no part to a secret stash of medication that only her and York knew about (he knew since he stole them).

At least she didn't have Leona worrying over her.

"Ugh…my head hurts…"

"Go the fuck to sleep, Leona. You're drunk."

Okay, she'd rather have worrying Leona over hung-over any day.

This was gonna be a long fucking day.

A/N: That is all folks. I was gonna do more but I haven't slept in like a day or so and I can feel myself about to black out. So I'll wrap it up here. See you!