This is it, True Believers! We have the Battle for the Throne in our hands! Just when Sauron thought he had it easy and had the Kingdom in his claws…he ends up facing quite a disadvantage. Deadpool, his Royal Guard (sans Night Wolf), Spider-Man, Kitty Pryde, Lockheed, Jeff and X-Force are now ready to show Sauron a new painful meaning to the phrase "Strength in Numbers". All the while Itsy Bitsy is dealing with the aforementioned Night Wolf and Elsa Bloodstone, so what's Elsa's plan? Let's find that out!
Enjoy the reading!
SPIDER-MAN AND KITTY PRYDE: ROYAL PAINS
Chapter 15: IntervenXion, Part 3 – This is gonna hurt in the Morning
Sauron thought he had the advantage, he believed in his plans and he assumed that everything was going according to plan, but now he is surrounded by the true embodiment of his complete and absolute failure. His gargoyles failed to do damage in Krakoa and instead brought back the crew members of X-Force; his own Royal Guard reached a stalemate against Spider-Man, Kitty Pryde and the deposed King Deadpool, and Itsy Bitsy failed to do something against Wade's Royal Guard, not to mention that, unbeknownst to him, Itsy is dealing with the Night Wolf and Elsa Bloodstone. In other words…Sauron is screwed.
"Wilson!" Sauron exclaims his name "We could still reach a negotiation! I know that what I did to you is unforgivable, but in exchange of mercy, I can make you my Prime Minister!" he attempts to salvage his skin by negotiating with him, but obviously, everyone around him –save for his Royal Guard- frown their faces at him "I meant what I said about being monsters, I AM a monster! I took over the King's throne and now I'm the King! I can make you important Wilson! All you have to do is turn the other way and maybe convince your boys to help me…" he fakes a smile at him "Remember SauronCare? I can make you the spokesperson!" he makes one last attempt, but Wade wants none of it.
"NO ONE CARES ABOUT SAURONCARE!" Wade exclaims while he unsheathes his katanas "And to be honest, that was a #$%&+*%$ stupid name for a Healthcare program" he admits.
"Enough of this idiot!" Quire complains pointing at Wade "We came to kick this dinosaur's ass and I ain't leaving this island without beating the #$%& out of that dinosaur!" he exclaims while he summons one of his psychic shotguns and shoots at Sauron, but Tyrnakko intercepts his attack and grabs him by the neck to slam him down to the floor, picking him up only to swing his mace and slam him to his head, sending him away to the acid pits where he falls to his quick death.
"OH MY GOD! HE KILLED KENNY!" Wade exclaims pointing at the acid pit and then turns towards Tyrnakko "YOU BASTARD!"
"His name's Quentin" Colossus corrects Wade.
"Pfft, the way Benjamin Percy's been treating him, no one will give a #$%& about the difference" Wade quips, looking at how Quentin's skeleton begins to float and melt away "Uh-Wuh!" he exclaims, but then he looks around expecting a response "Seriously!? No one got the reference!?" he begins to complain "It's so #$%&+*%$ obvious! Deadpool! Acid Pit! Floating Skeleton! 'Uh-Wuh'!? If you don't get it, you can't call yourself a gamer, so when we're all done, you're googling it!" he points at everyone, but then he dodges a tentacle from Octerra.
"Royal Guard! Defend the Kingdom!" Sauron exclaims while he sends his monsters to fight and takes advantage of the distraction to escape.
"Oh no! You ain't going anywhere!" Spidey quips while he shoots a web-line to follow him.
"I'm making sure this ends right here and right now!" Kitty exclaims as she runs behind Spidey, following him with Deadpool in tow.
"Hey! If there's anybody here seeking retribution against that guy IT'S ME!" Wade quips while he rushes alongside the heroes, leaving behind the battlefield.
Octerra moves his tentacles around, trying to catch as many enemies as he can, but Kohlaab surprises him by grabbing each a tentacle, managing to hold him still and stop his attack.
"Your end is here, foul traitor!" Kohlaab exclaims as the smaller fragments of Kohlaab pull Octerra down to the ground, but before Octerra could strike back, Wolverine unsheathes his claws and runs around the monster slashing each of his tentacles to reveal the 'core' of the monster, a large headed humanoid monster with the lumps of his tentacles protruding him his back, sides and shoulders.
"An' I thought Wade was the ugliest mother#$%&+*% I've ever seen" Wolverine mutters as he looks at Octerra's face. Octerra growls and rushes at them, but Wolverine sheathes his claws back and then lands a solid punch to the creature's jaw, breaking it thanks to his Adamantium skeleton, then he connects a punch to his gut and an uppercut that leaves Octerra stumbling back, a moment that Kohlaab takes advantage of to rush at him and land a solid punch that pushes him towards the bridge of Sauron's Tower.
"Stay down!" Kohlaab warns Octerra after landing that punch, standing in guard alongside Wolverine.
Aviara attempts to strike down from above, flying to sweep down the combatants, only for Chet Morita to jump over her and catch her wings, flying along with her as she soars through the skies. She tries to shake him off, swinging from side to side and plunging occasionally, yet Chet holds on tightly as she keeps pressuring.
"GET OFF ME, YOU PATHETIC MORTAL!" Aviara exclaims as she plunges again, but this time Chet, holds her wings and forces her to glide and alter her flight plan "What are you doing!?" she complains as she flies down, but Chet holds tightly.
"NOW BÜN-BÜN!" Chet screams, jumping off just as Aviara reaches a point where she is locked in Bün-Bün's sights and he fires one of his optic blasts at her, pushing her against Octerra over the bridge "Thanks for that" he comments while Bün-Bün helps him stand up.
Tyrnakko swings his mace against Domino and Quonian, both of them jumping from side to side avoiding his strikes, but his slow speed is a key factor for the Lucky Mutant to shoot at him while Quonian strikes him and tries to take his mace, only for Tyrnakko to slap him away, however, his mace got stuck in the floor, allowing Domino to use her luck and shoot ricocheting the bullets into his eyes, allowing both her and Quonian to strike him simultaneously.
"That's what I'm talking about!" Domino exclaims while she jumps and kicks him into his chest, followed by Quonian who strikes him with a punch to his gut. Both strikes manage to push Tyrnakko back, to which Domino and Quonian rush and connect a simultaneous double dropkick that pushes him further and then they both grab his mace, swinging it at him to send him to the bridge with his defeated comrades "That was awesome!" she comments to Quonian, who replies with a double thumbs up gesture "Not a very talkative guy, Huh?" she asks, to which he begins to reply in sign language, which fortunately, she understands "Oh, so you're mute but you understand everything I say?" she asks, to which he nods in response "Oh, I get it" she smiles at him "Still, you're awesome, dude" she playfully elbows at him and then looks at the rest of the battle.
Zrrgo and Roserdrach connect punches mutually, solid punch after solid punch, neither of them falling down with each blow, but Rosendrach grabs his hammer and prepares to strike, only for Zrrgo to dodge it, but Rosendrach strikes back hitting him at the top of his head, causing him to stumble.
"Hey!" Colossus calls out the large dragon-like creature "How about you deal with someone a bit larger?" he then rushes towards him and they both clash in a hold. Both of them measure each other's strength in a stalemate, but Zrrgo takes advantage of Rosendrach being focused on Colossus that he fails to notice him, approaching from behind to connect a low blow in his crotch, bringing him a lot of pain in his nether regions. Colossus seizes the opportunity and lands a punch to his jaw, followed by an uppercut that causes Rosendrach to stumble back.
"Let's bring him down!" Zrrgo exclaims, ready to rush, but Colossus stops him.
"I have a better idea" Colossus comments with a gentle smile and then surprises Zrrgo by grabbing him, spinning around to gain momentum "Spokoynoy Nochi!" he exclaims as he throws him at Rosendrach, causing Zrrgo to headbutt him and push him further into the bridge "Fastball Special, never fails" he quips as he looks at the gathered members of Sauron's Guard, however, there was one of them still left in battle.
Necrosquid wields his axes, swinging them at Jeff and Lockheed, yet missing their mark due to their small sizes. The squid-like creature throws one of the axes at Jeff, who rolls to avoid it and then rushes at the creature, hitting him at the stomach. Lockheed then flies towards him and fires a large barrage of flames at him, further pushing him and forcing him to throw his other axe upwards to the sky, missing the dragon's mark.
"Rwooooo!" Lockheed roars as he fires another barrage of flames, descending towards Jeff to catch him and through the momentum, the Land Shark pounces at Necrosquid pushing him towards the bridge, stumbling back onto his other comrades.
"MRRRRF!" Jeff growls at them as he and Lockheed land, flanked by the members of X-Force and Deadpool's Royal Guard, standing at the opposite end of the bridge at Sauron's Tower.
"Alright folks, is time to end this #$%&!" Wolverine exclaims, unsheathing his claws as he looks at Sauron's Royal Guard, but when the creatures gather, they realize that the bridge is starting to crack underneath due to the combined weight, since the bridge was not meant to hold such an amount of weight.
Yet, the worse came when Necrosquid's other axe finally lands right in front of them, further increasing the crack underneath to the point of actually breaking the bridge, causing them to fall to their deaths into the acid pits, melting them to the astonishment and bafflement of the gathered heroes.
"Well, that was fast" Chet Morita comments as they look the creatures' skeletons floating.
"Brutally fast" Domino adds to Chet's comment, still surprised about how the battle ended.
"Guess that settles it then" Wolverine comments, turning his sight to the rest of the group "The only one left's Sauron, now where ta Hell he went?" he poses the question to the Royal Guard.
"He escaped" Kohlaab replies "But our King is dealing with him, alongside his companions" he refers to Spidey and Kitty who went after him as well.
"Our concern is this Itsy Bitsy creature" Chet adds, sparking X-Force's curiosity.
"Itchy-Scratchy creature?" Domino asks, a bit befuddled about that.
"Itsy Bitsy is her name" Zrrgo steps in to reply "As we speak, our leader the Night Wolf is dealing with her, alongside the King's consort Lady Elsa".
"Deadpool has a consort?" Colossus asks, genuinely impressed at the fact that Wade has someone, but then Wolverine groans as a response, for he starts to have a suspicion.
"Lady Elsa? Please don't let it be the Elsa I'm thinking about" Wolverine facepalms, not knowing that his suspicions are completely true.
MEANWHILE, IN ANOTHER POINT OF THE ISLAND
After managing to pull Itsy Bitsy away from the main battle, both Elsa Bloodstone and the Night Wolf were occupied ensuring that she remains after them. The crazy arachnid-like woman was ready to strike at them, shooting web-lines at them, but failing to catch them.
"I apologize if I offend with this query but is there a point in her chasing us?" the Night Wolf asks Elsa, who simply smirks in response.
"Don't bloody worry, we're almost here" she replies, jumping one last rooftop to land right on the street reaching an open plaza where she finally stops, with the Night Wolf right behind her and Itsy Bitsy not too far away "We're here" she then turns around, ready to face their rival who lands in front of them.
"Alright…now that you finally stopped…how 'bout you two stand #$%&+*&$ still so I can finally #$%&+*&$ kill you!" Itsy Bitsy exclaims as her anger allows her to take her larger form, with larger claws, a prominent chelicerae and spikes bursting out of her spine.
"Now we're talking" Elsa smirks as she unsheathes a pair of daggers and rushes into Itsy Bitsy, trying to slash her limbs while Night Wolf slashes his claws against her sides. Elsa blocks Itsy Bitsy's claws while the Night Wolf strikes again, allowing Elsa to inflict more damage, yet her Healing Factor accelerates and heals her quickly.
"You can slash all you want, I heal as fast as you strike" Itsy Bitsy taunts her rival "Throw me everything you got, #$%&+*&$!" she screams at them, to which Elsa smirks at her threat.
"Since you asked so nicely…" Elsa replies "NOW, HURL!" she screams, to which Itsy Bitsy turns as she sees a shadow appearing underneath her and discovers to her dismay a different kind of monster, a large goo-like creature with several eyes growing in front of her.
"What. The. #$%&. Is that?" Itsy Bitsy asks, but the response she gets is a bath of pink vomit that comes out of Hurl's mouth.
"BLAAAARRRRGGHHH!" Hurl screams as he makes honor to his name and hurls his substance at her, effectively teleporting her away.
"And that's how things are done in Deadpoolopolis" Elsa comments "Wait, Wade really kept that name?" she asks the Night Wolf, who shakes his head in denial.
"No, milady, he still hasn't picked a name for the island yet" the Night Wolf replies "But at least we ended her threat, not the way I expected, but it's effective nonetheless" he comments while he looks at Hurl "Thank you for your assistance Hurl" he shows a thumbs up at him and then turns to look at Elsa "May I ask where'd you send her?" he asks out of curiosity.
"The North Pole" Elsa replies while she takes out her cellphone to make a phone call.
"The North Pole? You believe that the cold temperature may kill her?" the Night Wolf asks, but Elsa smirks at him.
"Not the cold, darling…just the people living there" Elsa replies as she makes her call, which finally picks up "Blade? It's Elsa…listen, there's something I should warn you about, and this concerns your little friends over there…"
THEN, ON THE NORTH POLE
In a sudden flash, a large puddle of pink goo appears out of nowhere, spitting Itsy Bitsy out of it and dropping her onto the ice. Once she makes contact with the ice, she reacts to the side effect of Hurl's teleporting: Hurling the remnants of his pink vomit.
"BLAAAAARRRGGHH!" Itsy Bitsy pukes "UGH…Ptoo!" she tries to stand up, spitting the rest off her mouth and right then she begins to shiver due to the cold "T-T-T-This is F-F-F-Far from Ov-v-v-ver" she begins to speak as she begins to walk, rubbing her arms in an attempt to warm herself "If th-th-th-they think they g-g-g-g-got rid of m-m-m-m-me, they g-g-g-got an-n-n-n-n-other th-th-th-thing c-c-c-c-coming" she begins to plot her payback in her mind but suddenly she discovers a large structure in front of her, a massive statue shaped like a strange humanoid figure holding a scepter and with his right hand forward "W-W-W-Where t-t-t-t-the F-F-F-F-#$%& am I?" she poses the question, but right then, her Spider-Sense buzzes in her head and she barely manages to dodge a laser beam hitting nearby, then she jumps to avoid another beam, and then she avoid a lightning bolt that strikes closer to her "WHOEVER THE #$%& IS OUT THERE, YOU MISSED ME!" she screams, trying to catch the attention of her attacker, only to be suddenly wrapped by a metal chain burning in flames.
"I got her!" a voice is heard nearby, and right then various silhouettes appear, surrounding her as she falls to her knees, wrapped up in the metallic burning chair, widely opening her eyes when she discovers the people around her: Iron Man, Thor and Captain Marvel hovering above her, Ghost Rider holding the chain that is hold her at bay and She-Hulk, Captain America and Black Panther standing in front of her.
"At least I'm finally warm" Itsy Bitsy mutters "Ummm…I think I should know you, so may I ask who the #$%& are you people so I can add you to my list of people to kill?" she asks with a kind tone, causing most of the Avengers to cringe at her.
"Is this the woman Elsa Bloodstone warned you about?" Black Panther asks the man approaching the place, the vampire hunter known as Blade.
"Yup, that's the one who was wrecking havoc in Monster Island" Blade replies as he approaches her "Hi there, I'm Blade, I hunt vampires, but I also kill people like you for a living" he tells her with a grin on his face "You just pissed off a friend of mine and since I owe her, we're keeping you here in Avengers Mountain until she finds a more proper cell for you" he stares directly into her eyes as he shows his fangs "But if you misbehave…I have no qualms about ending you right here, so please, please misbehave".
"Avengers Mountain?" Itsy Bitsy asks "Avengers as in…?" she was about to throw another question but right then is when she realizes that she is indeed in front of 'Earth's Mightiest Heroes', the Avengers and that means that she is very, very screwed "Aww, #$%&…" she mutters, defeated and dejected, knowing that her escapade is over, and not even Sauron will be able to help her now.
Sauron's Royal Guard is beaten and dead (surprisingly, they died by their own hand), and Itsy Bitsy is now someone else's headache, that leaves only Sauron himself to deal with, but Wade, Spidey and Kitty surely can handle him.
Meanwhile, X-Force, Elsa and Wade's Royal Guard can rejoice and relax until the ordeal is completely over, which actually is going to happen next chapter!
Oh, and let's take a moment of silence for Quentin Quire, who sadly just died (again) in this chapter…although, to be fair, Benjamin Percy has done worse to him (And yet I'm surprised that he actually survived this recent issue of X-Force), so he'll be resurrected anyways.
Stay tuned for the Final Chapter of this crazy adventure, folks! The end is near and I guarantee you something: There'll be laughs, people will get angry and maybe, just maybe, things will end in good terms.
NEXT CHAPTER: SAURON'S DOWNFALL IS COMING!