Pure Form of Despair, Chapter Thirty One

I woke up, grumbling. My night had been filled with nightmares of all kind. I walked with Derek on a frozen lake, hand in hand. Law saw us, and I hopped for a second he would react to it, no matter what reaction, so I would know he cared at least a little. Only, he stared for a few moments without an ounce of emotion before turning around silently and walking away. Hurt, I looked down. Derek violently let go of my hand, put them instead on my shoulders and pushed me backwards. I fell into the frozen lake, Derek's wicked smirk haunting me as it was the last thing I saw before succumbing to eternal darkness. I had woken up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. I stayed frozen and scared for a while in my bed before getting up, not without difficulties, so I could get myself a fresh glass of water. That way maybe I could wash away my nightmare.

As I walked pass Law's room, I stopped in my track. I didn't really know why I did. Maybe it was because I wanted to go hit him for all the pain he made me go through, or instead I wanted to run in his arms, shed a few tears while he would gently stroke my hair, like before. I sadly shook my head. The past would never come back, I was the first to know that. I went back to sleep after drinking that glass of water, still shaken by my nightmare. You can guess how my quest to fall back asleep went. I'd had a terrible night.

Even so, I still tried to get out of my comfortable blankets to get dressed and start the day. I put on warm clothes and got out of my room while yawning. As I was walking down the hallway, I felt a small body brush my leg. I glanced down and saw Bepo staring while meowing, a pitiful look on his face. Ashamed, I took him in my arms and drowned him in a bath of hugs. I kind of ignored him in the past few days, and Law wasn't one to give him the attention he deserved. My mood fell flat. Just thinking about him made my happiness jump out a window…

I went with dragging feet to the kitchen. The dark-haired man was already there, drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper, completely awake. I carefully averted his gaze and try to be as subtle as I could get. The second I got in, he looked up from his paper and stared at me. It wasn't going well so far… I ignored him, put Bepo down on the sofa and went to search for an apple I could eat next to the cat. Usually, I ate at the table, but I really didn't want Law to stare at me for five minutes. I turned on the TV after sitting down and searched through the different channels. Bepo came to lay down on thighs while purring. I absentmindedly scratched his ears.

"Do you have plans for today?" Suddenly asked Law.

At the sound of his voice, my heart jumped in my rib cage. I shook my head mechanically. I was too scared my voice would crack. He nodded and got up without a word. He put down his cup in the sink, then disappeared in the hallway. I let out a trembling sigh. I tried to concentrate back on the television, but no shows were interesting enough. I decided to just close the TV and entertained myself by petting Bepo. Once my apple finished, I got up and put it in the compost bin as Law was coming back, a big sport bag under his arm.

"Follow me. And no, you don't have a say in it."

He turned around.

xXxXxXxXxXx

With a stunned air, I looked around at the place Law brought me to. A gigantic outdoor ice rink. Families were already here, as well as couples, and even hockey lovers. I tried to get back the way we came from, but Law blocked my path. I turned around, and was again met with the rink, without any escape routes. My mood drastically fell flat, as well as my shoulders.

Without uttering a word, Law gently took my elbow between his fingers to indicate to follow him. I jumped, surprised. He took me to a bench where he made me sit, bent in front of me and took off his big bag to put it on the soft snow. He opened it and took out two pairs of black ice skates, one which was mine. Still not uttering a word, he put them down and then turned my way. He tried to take off my boots. I blushed.

"I-I can d-do it myself…" I had trouble getting that sentence out.

He stared at me, then slowly nodded. He sat next to me and put on his own. I stayed frozen while observing him for quite a while until he looked up at me. My eyes went down immediately and I clumsily put on my ice skates. Why did he bring me here? My heart jumped when guessing the answer. Maybe he wanted to make me forgive him… I sadly shook my head. Law, please don't act this way towards me, giving me a tiny spark of hope, and then suddenly taking it away.. I felt tears appearing and I pushed them down furiously. No way was I gonna be miserable like that again!

As I finished putting on my ice skates, Law was already standing in front of me, his on his feet. I got up with difficulty and tried (emphasize on the word tried) to walk on the snow. And like always, I couldn't do it. I lost balance and Law tried to help me keep my balance by taking my arm between his fingers. I sharply broke his grip, realising quickly it was petty on my part to act this way only because he didn't share my feelings. But I couldn't help myself. This was all in order to protect myself. And so my fall was only broken for a sec, and I ended up face first in the cold white snow. I heard discrete laughs all around me. Ashamed, I got up and was expecting Law to laugh as well, but it wasn't the case. Outside, he seemed calm, but I could see emotions passing through his eyes. He was hurt by my previous action. I looked down in shame, even if a darker side of myself was screaming "Good for him"! My heart was saying something else entirely.

To get his image out of my head, I started walking, without falling this time, and got on the ice. To immediately repeat my past fall. I grunted, frustrated, and got up clumsily. I carefully moved one leg forward. My butt got the same treatment as my face before. I wanted to cry. I was a complete and utter mess on ice skates, so why did Law bring me here? To ridicule me? My eyes burned.

Suddenly, I felt hands lifting me up from under my armpits and putting me back on my feet like nothing happened. Then, one hand disappeared while the other traced an invisible line on my back to slowly grab my gloveless hand. The warmth of Law's palm gave me shivers. I hated the effect he had on me, and on the other hand, I craved it. Completely twisted.

He started to gently skate forward, without saying a word, bringing me along. I lost foot a couple of times, but he was always there to catch me. He guided me along the crowd and sped up, while still leaving me time to adjust. Then, without me even noticing, he progressively let go of my hand and I was skating all by myself. I went slowly, without rushing, and only a few seconds later did I realise the previous warmth had left my hand. Instinctively, I panicked. I had now anchor to support me, and so I told myself that of course, I would fall. I lost balance and felt my foot going up in the air. My body fell and I saw the sky, full of white clouds. Suddenly, it was replaced by black hair and grey eyes as dark as the night. My back collided with Law's torso. His arms embraced me. My heart skipped a beat. He smiled at me and helped me get back once more on my feet. He then skated away. I watched him go.

Why? Why, all of a sudden, he was gentle with me? Soft, almost? He was putting salt on my open wound? Or maybe he was forcing the knife down even more? I didn't understand what was going on. It frustrated me, but I was, like always, afraid to ask the question, to receive after an answer that would 90% sure not please me. Sometimes, I was tired of being a scaredy cat…

And so, to forget, I tried to advance for two meters without making a foul of myself. To my own surprise, I succeeded rather easily. I continued, and the same happened. Smiling, I sped up, confident now. I managed to do an entire loop without breaking my nose. Proud of myself, a small giggle escaped my lips. A silhouette passed me on my left. Law looked back, smirking right at me, turned his head around and sped up ahead. I felt my blood pumping through my veins. He was challenging me, and I did what I would've done not too long ago. Like everything was well and I didn't have this nagging pain in my chest. I went after him.

xXxXxXxXxXx

I heavily let myself fall in the snow, my energy reaching 0 HP. Skating could be exhausting, especially if you fell every twenty meters. I think every single person present today will have fun stories to tell about the girl who fell in all the positions imaginable. And I also think my back, and even more my butt, will remember this day tomorrow morning…

I heard Law quietly laugh just above me. I raised my head and saw him go towards the little bench we were at earlier so he could take off his ice skates. I had trouble getting up and going myself, but I finally managed to walk without falling (a true miracle!) until I could collapse beside him. I took off mine and sighed in relief. My feet were on fire… As I put back on my boots, I subtly looked in Law's direction. He already had his boots on and was waiting for me to do the same. I looked down.

"Why did you bring me here…" I whispered.

I hoped he didn't hear me, but when I looked back up, he was staring at me. His gaze gave me shivers.

"So you'll realize that with a little bit of efforts, we can do it," he simply said.

How could he say that after what he did? He wanted me to make more efforts so I would make him fall in love with me, perhaps? After he took advantage of my feelings, after he hurt my heart to then making me hope, so we could start this masquerade all over again? No. No, no, no… I can't do this anymore…

"Listen Cerys, I…"

"Stop."

My tears ran out down my cheeks, never stopping. My vision was getting blurry. My heart was in shambles. The cold wind froze my skin.

"You remember the bet we did before? I was the one who won, allowing me a request. Well here it is. Stay away from me…" I said in a trembling voice.

I got up, each fiber of my body in a trance. I didn't know what I was saying. I was creating a mask to hide behind. So I wouldn't feel anymore, wouldn't suffer.

"Stop making me hope. Leave me alone. Leave me hate you again…"

Like a robot, my legs moved, one step at a time, faster and faster. The wind was lashing at my face. The snow was icing my blood. And the tears fell. Again and again, taking my sadness with them.

xXxXxXxXxXx

"Cerys? What are you doing here? And are you crying?"

My face full of tears, snot coming out of my nose, my face was full of body fluids. I was in a pretty bad state, but I didn't give a damn. I simply wanted someone who could comfort me, and the first one that came to mind was… Zoro. Nami would've been a better choice, or even Roxanne, but I finally decided that the green would be able to help me better. Nami would've probably told me that he didn't deserve me and that he was an idiot, and I don't think Roxanne would have known what to say since Law was on her list of people she respected. So, I told myself that Zoro wouldn't question me too much, but he'd still be able to change my mind and distract me.

"Can.. Can I stay for a while?" I cried out.

He nodded and let me in. As he was closing the door, I took off my clothes, including my boots. I then stayed unmoving like a statue in the entrance, still crying my eyes out. He sighed and put his arm around my shoulders to drag me to his bedroom.

"I don't know what happened, but I know a way to cheer you up."

Once inside his room, he showed me his bed where I could sit and went towards the television. I sat down and looked around, loudly blowing in a tissue I found on his dresser. This room hadn't changed at all since the last time I came over. The smell was still the same, even. There were dumbbells in one corner, a katana in another. Really, it hadn't changed at all. Like him. As for myself…

He came back towards me, put an Xbox 360 controller in my hands before sitting down by my side. The screen lit up and showed…

"Call of duty? Seriously?"

"Seriously. And since I'm pretty confident you haven't played in a long time, you're gonna suffer!"

He gave me a predator grin before customising the options of the game. I stared at him for a couple of seconds, my mouth agape, and then a small smile appeared on my lips. I turned my attention towards the TV. I knew he would be able to distract me.

xXxXxXxXxXx

"Ha! Headshot in your face, sucker!"

Zoro angrily passed his hand through his hair.

"Stop camping in impossible hiding spots and come fight me loyally!"

I pulled out my tongue.

"No way! I'm best hidden away, out of your reach and with a sniper in hand!"

He loudly sighed and closed the console. I smiled, victorious.

"Giving up, are we?"

He grunted and fell backwards on his back. I put down the controller and did the same. Our arms touched.

"So, you want to tell me why you came here totally unannounced, crying your eyes out like a newborn baby?" He gently asked me.

I nervously laughed.

"Well, you see…" I sighed. "I would prefer if things were simpler. Falling in love with someone my age, having a normal romance, no major drama. No wondering every other second if they love you or not…"

Zoro took my hand and slowly played with my fingers. I smiled and stared at the ceiling. Shining multicolour stars were visible. It was those stickers I put there a year ago, even when he complained not to. He kept them. My smile grew bigger.

"A bit like our previous relationship. It was simple, no complications. I loved you, you loved me back, end of story. I miss the past…"

"I have to say, I do too. Our feelings were mutual. You didn't like my best friend…"

Oh, so he noticed Roxanne's feelings for Luffy? Damn..

"Do you think one day, our old love will come back?"

I felt his shoulders shrug.

"Maybe, maybe not."

I gently raised my head, my body supported by my elbows, and looked at him. I leaned in his direction. His lips touched mine for just a second before I pulled back. We locked eyes.

"Did you feel something?"

"Nothing at all."

"Me neither."

I let my head fall on his chest and let my heart be appeased by his warm scent. He put one hand on the small of my back and the other delicately stroked my hair.

"Men are all stupid…"

"And women are too complicated."

We laughed in unison. At that moment, his bedroom door opened abruptly.

"Hey Zoro, I wanted to know…"

The young woman who just entered froze upon seeing us in the green-haired man's bed. I raised my arm in the air to greet her.

"Yo Kuina. It's been a while."

She stayed staring at us for a long time while opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish.

"Are you back together? Since when?!" She asked in a panic.

Zoro sighed.

"We aren't together, you can see that."

She glared at us like we were insane.

"Oh yeah? Because friends happen to cling to each other in bed maybe?"

I had to say she did have a point. Even so, the idea that our current situation was considered romantic didn't even cross my mind. I viewed Zoro as one of my closest friend, who knew me as much as my sister. Before, it was a different story, but today, I saw him as a protective older brother. And so I interpreted his behaviour as friendly and brotherly, and I think he viewed me the same way.

With my heart lighter than when I came here, I got up and stretched like a cat. My stomach angrily gurgled.

"Do you have something to eat? I'm starving!"