Good luck with this, I don't even know what words are anymore! Love you guys!
"They don't look like mission clothes, Hawkguy…"
"You a spy now?"
"God I wish…"
Clint smirked down at the suitcase lying on his bed, the sigh in Kate's voice almost dreamy at the thought of it. No one should ever want to be a spy - it wasn't a nice profession.
He folded up the dress shirt as carefully as he could, wanting it to look it's best, before laying it carefully on top of all the other clothes.
"Since when do you wear silk shirts?" Kate was on his shoulder now, peeking over it to the case. He shooed her away, gently swatting her cheek in the process, though she didn't mind.
"I never said it was a mission." He shook his head. His shoulder gave a pang of pain, causing him to wince. That wasn't supposed to happen… He glanced at his left shoulder, standing up straight just as Kate left from behind him.
Phantom pain…?
"You said it was a mission." He said, though he didn't feel the words leave his mouth. He hadn't moved his mouth at all, infact. He heard the zip of his suitcase and looked back down to his bed to see some hazy hands closing it up.
Oh, dream…
Clint took a step back and watched his former self lift the case off the bed, pulling up the handle too to make it easy to move.
Kate was already making her way down the stairs of the loft, Clint being drawn to her more than himself up in the bedroom area.
God, is the apartment really that messy? No wonder Nat preferred her place…
"Natasha mentioned a mission." Kate called back up to him as she went to the sink in the kitchen area, moving dishes out of it to start cleaning. Because she was the best damn thing that happened to him and his apartment.
"She thinks everything is a mission." He smirked to himself just as his dream self yelled it down the stairs, almost annoyed. "Dying her hair is a mission, getting me to eat broccoli is a mission, spending a weekend-"
The words being shouted down snapped off almost instantly, Clint drew his attention back to Kate with a slight smile as she laughed to herself.
"So where you taking her?" Kate's voice was sing-song travelling up the stairs, interrupted by the 'bang' of the suitcase hitting each step on the way down.
"Taking who where?" Smooth Clint. He facepalmed at his former self's response, glancing over to see him by the door now and pulling on a jacket.
The shoulder pain screamed again, and one in his right leg that had him nearly doubling over. Clint sat his ass down on the floor with a thump, other wise he would have collapsed right down instead. He took some deep breaths, riding the waves of pain to try get it under control.
What the fuck is happening?
"...-on, Barton. We ain't that dumb."
"Implying you're some kind of dumb, though."
The pain subsided just enough for him to take one last deep breath and watch the scene once again, though it was a little hazier. His mind felt muddled as he watched Kate throw a plate towards his old self, dream Clint catching it effortlessly.
"There's nothing happening, honest. Nat just needs some chill time after our last mission. She's outta my league anyway."
"You really that insecure?" Kate's voice fell softer. She had turned to face out towards Clint as he approached, holding the plate out to her with a shy smile. She took it and raised an eyebrow for him to answer, he just shrugged.
"You keep reminding me to not be so cocky." Dream Clint shook his head. Clint couldn't watch his old self anymore, instead finding a spot on the floor to watch to keep his mind focused. In the early days he was sure that any hint to Natasha that he wanted anything more than a friendship with her would send her running far and fast.
Now all he wished was to tell this dream bastard that he needed to shout his love to the high heavens as often as he could…
Another twang of pain, something felt like it was pulling on his brain at the same time, and he frowned even more.
"This is different…" Kate sighed, though Clint just about heard it as his dream self moved to go to the sitting area to give Lucky one last rub before leaving. He hadn't heard that at the time, now though he could see the way Kate's eyes tracked his movements with some kind of sadness he couldn't decipher.
"You be a good boy for Auntie Kate."
"Told to stop calling me that!" Kate shrieked, causing current Clint to smirk a little as she turned back to angrily do the dishes. "Implying I'm a dog, the cheek…"
"Wonder if that's where you were this time around." Clint frowned again, the dream becoming a little more hazy as Kate's voice filled the room. He definitely doesn't remember her saying that. He remembers the conversation turning to an argument about how being a dog was a compliment. But that's not what he was hearing.
The pain got a little more intense, causing a slight whimper to leave his lips and have him fall back from his sitting position to lay on his back instead. He couldn't grip both offending spots at the same time, not a hope. He just had to ride it out.
"To that farm house, remember? You brought Nat there that weekend when she had a bad week."
The world very quickly turned black when the pain became blinding, but he let it consume him from his memories because they seemed more painful than whatever was happening with his body sometimes.
He didn't get the usual blissful release from pain that unconsciousness would bring, though. Instead he got a constant thumping pain all around his body - mainly his shoulder and leg. They felt like they were on fire.
He tried to roll, trying to find some kind of pressure to get some relief, but instead he had to let out a scream at the blinding hot ripping sensation in his shoulder.
"Don't move!"
Kate's voice was frantic, scared, and it took all Clint had to obey because - God - he really needed away from whatever the fuck was tearing off his arm.
Clint screwed his eyes tightly shut. Warning off the fog that was threatening to take him away was the main mission right now - because he really needed to remember why Kate was sounding like that. If she was scared then it was something major.
Bullet in his leg. He'd know that pain no matter what state he was ever in. His mind screamed not to move the offended area, just in case an artery was hit. If it was then there was no saving him, regardless of staying still. But a guy could try.
His shoulder was something else. Something there was tearing him apart while keeping him together at the same time. Like the time a bit of rebar fell on him and trapped him to the ground, only this hurts a hell of a lot more.
Finally he opened his eyes and grunted down at the ground, his nose smushed right against some tiled floor. He would never willingly be on his stomach, too vulnerable a position
He swallowed once, twice, then the bile stayed down. Wanting to throw up from just opening his eyes. He noted that with a little dread.
Shit, last thing I need is a concussion…
Finally he turned his head fully to try to get a look at his left shoulder. Instantly the memories of earlier came flooding back once he laid eyes on his Katana standing proud from his joint.
Ronin's Katana… Lost the mantle…
"Shit…" He groaned, closing his eyes once more to ward off whatever tears were about to fall.
The fucker took his cowl, took his dignity, shot him, stabbed him, and left him here for dead…
He tried to focus on the rest of his body, but besides the bullet and sword and one massive headache everything seemed fine. He was just so damn tired now… There wasn't a lot of wet under him, but still enough to seep through the robes and to his skin. Whatever god was looking after him made sure both wounds missed anything major.
Maybe he meant that… Leave me here to suffer slow death… Bleeding out is too easy...
"Goodnight, Clint…"
The words bounced around his mind and he groaned again The name of the voice's owner was on the tip of his tongue but all it seemed to make him want to do was throw up everywhere.
Maybe that was the concussion.
"Hey, Hawk."
Kate's voice was softer and, right, yeah, she was trapped here too. He opened his eyes and lifted his head just the slightest and looked past the Katana to try to focus his vision on the younger woman.
"Clint? You with me?"
Kate was looking rougher than he remembered, though the memories were foggy at best right now. She was searching his face for something, waiting for him to answer. That protective side of his brain had him searching her body first, though.
She had blood trickling down from her hairline, though most of it had dried along the side of her face. Her hands were moving in the ropes - trying to get enough friction in them to escape like he had taught her many moons ago. The main thing that took his attention was the unnatural angle her left arm was at. He frowned and looked up to her face once more.
"They hurt you?" The rawness of his throat had him coughing on the words. The question of just how much screaming he did to warrant that feeling crossed his mind. Kate deflated a little, the tension leaving her just the slightest at his words.
"He didn't like me mouthing off after he stabbed you." She answered with a shake of her head. Clint watched her body tense for a moment at the movement before she forced it to relax again. "Have your dagger over here, too."
"Kate…" Whatever blood he had left inside him ran cold at the casual admission, though she once again shook her head.
"It's fine, not a bad wound." Kate assured him. He knew that she wouldn't lie about that to him. 'Not a bad one' meant it wasn't a stab, but enough to be something worth mentioning. So he nodded to let her know he understood. "Gotta say; I'm happy to see you bleeding."
"Not now." Clint sighed, closing his eyes once more and moving to rest his forehead against the cool tile beneath him.
"Think now is perfect." Kate pushed. If Clint wasn't pinned he'd be trying his best to get away, instead he had to focus right now on keeping the contents of his stomach down.
"Can we just try to get out of here?" Clint pushed instead. He tested a roll of his shoulder until he couldn't stand the pain anymore - just to see how stuck he really was.
The answer was super stuck.
"So you've been running around for a year playing assassin?" Kate threw out the words quickly, not even acknowledging his attempt at making a plan. She had this rehearsed, he bet.
"No." Was the only answer he gave. Clint knew full well that it wouldn't be enough to placate her. But he didn't want this right now, he wanted to sleep off the headache he currently had pounding away at his skull.
"Sure looks like it." Maybe the blood loss would take him so he wouldn't have to listen to this. He knew he was going to get questions from everyone in the team, there was no way around it. But he really didn't want it to be an individual one-on-one take down each time. "These guys try kill you so you run off to hunt them down? Why Bucky and not one of us to help?"
"I was helping Bucky, don't throw shit if you don't know shit."
"Mature." Kate spat back. The headache thumped once more, so he rubbed his forehead around the floor to try cool it down. "Five months he's been gone, and neither of you thought to let us know you're alive and well and in a fucking ninja costume?"
"It's more complicated than that."
"Complicated my ass." He heard the venom in her voice now. It had his blood boiling that little bit, fight or flight kicking right into fight mode. Even if he was pinned in place, he wouldn't take shit about this from anyone anymore.
"A hit on an Avenger had to look successful, Kate." He rattled off the sentence automatically, mechanically. SHIELD protocol drilled into him by Fury during those first few weeks in Chicago. "Even to the other Avengers."
"Well it worked!" She was yelling now. The protocol had her just as angry as he had been back then hearing it, only instead of taking it out on an alcohol bottle like he did she only had him to take it out on. "We thought you were dead! We mourned, we're still mourning! God, Clint, we couldn't even say your name to each other without-"
"I know! It was a shitty move, shouldn't have fucking happened, but it did and there's nothing I can do about it!" The shouting wasn't what he needed. The force it took had white hot bursts of pain screaming through his body, dizziness overtaking his mind. The sword and bullet wanted to remind him that he was their bitch right now and he should stay in his lane.
"It was bullshit, I get it… I'm trying to make amends." He felt the slur in his words, the bile beginning to rise. Clint swallowed once, twice, a third time and finally it stayed inside of him instead. He sighed when his body settled once more, but he didn't dare move to look Kate's way.
He really didn't want to talk. He wanted to sleep.
"I'm sorry. I tried, I really tried."
"Yeah; and failed." She answered as soon as the apology left his lips. It was too far, stung more than the sword did, and the way he heard her sigh meant she knew it too.
If it wasn't going to be enough for Kate - who was used to stunts he pulled even worse than this - he wasn't sure an apology was going to be enough for anyone else. The fight felt like it was knocked from his body at that realisation.
"Ok… A plan." Kate's voice was a sigh now, a whisper to the room. She had given up on him. He couldn't blame her. "I'm getting out of these, I'm kicking your ass, then I'm stopping that bleeding. Didn't wanna bury you a year ago, but you move an inch and I'll kill you myself."
"I didn't want that… This… Any of it." Clint whispered into the room, letting it sink into both of their minds before he even realised that it left his mouth. He wanted to sleep. He really hoped Kate would let him sleep now. "I just wanted my life back, Katie. I really tried."
She was talking at him again, something about keeping his eyes open before she stapled them open for the rest of his life. She asked him something, a lot of things, but the words mixed with the static in his brain.
He let the static lead him back to the darkness. It was quiet there, pain free. He liked it there.
Clint really liked that point in hospitals when he didn't know what the fuck was happening. The time when the drugs are so damn good that nothing in the world makes sense, and yet everything in the universe makes perfect sense.
He really wanted that zone right now. He'd take Kate talking at him again, too. Story time would be welcome over whatever the fuck was currently poking at his leg.
"-ing to help him, you idiot."
"Help him!? You're gonna kill him! Fight me, bitch! I can take you with my hands tied!"
A sigh from above him, not annoyed or angry - more flabbergasted. But the poke he felt had him weekly swatting out at the offending party.
"Sto'it Katie." Clint grumbled, running his forehead against the tile again to try to drift off back to sleep. He was enjoying it, drifting in and out of blackness. The no pain part of that especially.
Why was his shoulder feeling numb now? Shouldn't there be pain? Something in his mind screamed that it was a bad thing, that it meant something was really wrong, but Clint was just so damn happy that it wasn't throbbing that he couldn't care less about his medical mind.
"Where'd ya pick that one up?" That wasn't Kate above him, a different female voice. Red hair, tight suit, kick your ass in two seconds flat. His hopes got raised at the image, more than he thought possible. He turned hie head as best he could to spot the part hunched down next to him.
"Zel?" He whispered in disbelief. It had to be a mirage, there was no way she'd come back here. Though thinking it was another red head was probably worse wishful thinking.
"Clint, don't move." Kate said sternly. Clint's eyes narrowed and he looked past Zelda to see Kate still tied up - python poised by her side waiting for its command to strike.
A slow smirk broke out on Clint's face, an almost chuckle ripping through his chest though it came out more like a strangled cough. He'd kill for some water…
He finally turned just enough to get the angle to look up at Zelda's face. She was more focused on pulling bandages out of sterile packets though. Her brows were furrowed in that way that meant she knew exactly what to do, but hated the idea of it.
He saw that look the night before she left him in the circus, the one that meant one of them was going to die if a decision wasn't made soon.
He glanced back towards her serpent when it gave out a hiss, catching it in time to see Kate freeze up at the sound. She had obviously moved enough to be a threat to Zelda. Her pythons were always trained perfectly to protect their Princess.
"She hates reptiles. Snakes - yikes." Clint said quietly, a soft chuckle from above letting him know he was heard. "So much she even hates 'em in pants."
"Clint Barton that's lewd." Zelda scolded, before her grin fell and a sigh left her lips. Finally she turned just enough to fully look him in the eyes. He tried to smile at her, despite everything, because he really didn't like the hurt behind those eyes. "I thought I killed you…"
"Was kinda the point." He whispered back, just as low as she had. He couldn't keep the angle of his head anymore, it was starting to annoy his neck, so he put it back down and looked out towards Kate instead. "Everyone had to think it. Otherwise you'd have come after me again."
"You're an ass." Zelda sighed, he heard another wrinkling, she had gone back to getting bandages ready. "Just wanted ya out of action, not dead."
"Clint?" Kate's question was quiet, a harsh whisper. He raised an eyebrow her way to see her looking from the snake and back to him quickly. "Help?"
"'S'ok, Kate." His head was thumping, tongue feeling three sizes too big for his mouth. He frowned a little and swallowed, making sure there was no sick feeling. So far so good. "She won't attack you."
"She might." Zelda hummed, causing Clint to sigh and roll his forehead to rest against the cool tile again. "She keeps mouthing off then maybe a bite will set her straight."
"Come say that to my face, carnie!" Kate spat back. Clint flinched at the insult, hearing it too often in his time thrown his direction. He could sense Zelda do the same, though she got over it quick enough and went about peeling away the fabric around the bullet hole.
"What's with you attracting sassy women?"
"Callin' the kettle black there, pot." Clint replied with a chuckle, it quickly turned into a hiss when Zelda placed a cotton bandage against the hole. A quick 'sorry' was followed, though he knew it was a necessary evil so she really wasn't sorry at all.
"You are not friends with this woman right now." Kate called over. Clint couldn't help but roll his eyes a little. "Clint, she's going to kill you!"
"She won't kill me, she's helping." He called back over, knowing that she would think he was delirious. Sounded ridiculous to even Clint. He could never be mad at Zelda, though. Not with their history. "How bad we looking down there?"
"Could be worse." Zelda responded while taping down the bandage. "Through and through, bleeding slowing. Gonna have to lift your leg I think to get the other wound."
"Guess there's no chance of rolling." Clint sighed, the sword making itself known once again.
Silence followed, even the snake dying down a little as everyone tried to work this out in their mind. Clint had just started to drift back into the abyss when he felt a tap on the top of his head. He rolled it to the side again to look out, seeing Zelda lying in the same position as he was. On her stomach, face inches from his, smiling of all things.
"Why ain't you mad at me, Hawkass?" She said quietly, a whisper that only he could pick up this close. He sent her the slightest of smiles and almost shrugged - thinking better of it last second though.
"Should I be?" He whispered back, eyebrows raised. "Bet you didn't have a choice. That kinda shit isn't you. You're a good person, just need to make better choices."
"Like the ones you made?"
"They're all horrible ones." He tried for light with that, but there was no way he could do it. "You told Ronin you didn't want to do any of the shit that happened. I fully believe that."
Zelda watched his face for another moment, studying and waiting for any break in it. His head was throbbing again, begging for his eyes to shut. He kept them open - kept them locked Zelda's way to make sure she understood everything behind his words.
She was the one to break the stand off, leaning that little bit closer to place her lips to his forehead in a gentle kiss. His eyes slipped closed at that action - they always did.
"I've missed you. You're still an ass, though."
"Yeah and you're still a bitch." He shot back automatically. He really wanted to pull his arms in front of him, use them as a pillow. The floor just wasn't cutting it anymore.
"Ok, here's the plan." Zelda was serious now, but Clint couldn't find the energy to care. He heard her standing and the sound of her heels clicking across the floor. He could trust Zelda, he could always trust Zelda. He shouldn't have ever doubted that. "I gotta go back to get everyone out of dodge. We need to free Clint though, so if I untie you-"
"She's already untied." Clint cut in with a small grin, because there was no way that Kate hadn't escaped the ropes yet. "Just scared shitless of that snake."
"Guilty." He heard Kate respond, no doubt showing her free hands if the impressed-yet-equally-annoyed sound from Zelda was anything to go by.
"Ok then." It was drawn out, confused, and it amused Clint more than it should have. Still, though, Zelda got back on track. "We need to free Clint, so that sword has to go."
"Every single medical professional in the world would be glaring so hard at you right now." Kate sighed, sounding a little closer now. He felt the air beside him disturb slightly before a hand was in his hair. She had moved to his side, even when pissed off at him, to comfort him. Clint felt tears start prickling at that - how long has it been since he's had that kind of human contact? "Gotta keep things in until someone who knows what they're doing can get them out."
"Zel knows what she's doing." Clint mumbled. If he wasn't nearly asleep before, then he definitely was now. "She's a medic."
"Was." Zelda corrected, sounding like she was by his side too now. "Besides, I ain't saying pull it fully out. Just enough to not be pinned in the floor."
"Ok, that sounds better." Kate hummed. Clint was checked out, but an experimental poke of the sword had him hissing in pain. "Then cut it down so-"
"Don't you harm the sword." Clint growled, lifting his head to look at Kate with as much venom as he could. "You cut the sword and I cut you."
Kate's eyes went slightly wide at the threat, holding her hands up slowly then to show she was no threat.
He'd feel bad about the fear in her eyes later.
"Pull it out." He said while trying to crane his neck to look at Zelda. There wasn't a second of thought needed in that decision. "Cauterise the fucking wound if you have to, but don't do any damage to the sword."
"Clint-"
"Please." It came out a whimper more than anything, shutting off whatever medical jargon Zelda was about to spew out. "Either leave me here with her or pull her out, just please don't hurt her."
"I'm sorry, Clint." Zelda shook her head. "I know it means a lot to you, but I have no other way."
The growl that came from Clint was raw, feral, coming deep from within him and giving him a new found energy and adrenaline.
This was more than just a weapon to him - it was a tradition passed down through generations of Ronin. It was the last remaining item he had of the identity. The cowl was taken to god knows where, the robes slashed and bloodied - he wasn't about to lose the one item that had saved his life more times than he could count.
If it was this sword that he ended up dying on then so be it - just as long as it would be passed to the next Ronin that's all he cared about.
He turned his attention instead to Kate, who looked ready to defend Zelda even though she was ready to kill the woman not ten minutes ago.
They're trying to save your ass, calm down…
"Kate… I'd let you break my bow a million times over before I let you hurt this." He said calmly, sternly, the slight widening of Kate's eyes enough to know that she believed every word of that. "This isn't mine to break. It's Ronin's - it needs to continue that way."
"Let Ronin die, Barton." Zelda interjected, already working on packing the area around where the sword was entering his body. "I'm not letting you bleed out because of some fairy tale. It's a dead tradition, let it stay that way."
Clint frowned when it seemed like he wasn't getting through to either of them, turning his head once again to rest his forehead on the tiles and screw his eyes shut.
"Ronin's a murderer anyway." Kate finally said, though it sounded more like a question. "Why do you care so much?"
"Not a murderer." Clint mumbled, wincing when the packing bandages made the sword move a little bit more. "He's a vigilante - someone who goes after the people that the law can't… Why else would Fury suggest him for this mission?"
"To keep us from realising it's you." Zelda supplied without missing a beat. He had thought that too, but it was more than that. It was so Clint could operate in the shadows with no consequences. Even the council - in all their bureaucratic assholeness - knew better than to go after a Ronin on a mission.
"Ronin has kept the world safe from evils that you guys couldn't even dream of." The black was creeping a little closer - both emotionally and physically drained. Maybe he wouldn't wake up this time. "If that tradition is lost then I don't know how I could handle that. The Katana is more than a sword… It's a legacy. I can't lose that. The world can't lose that."
Silence once more. It stretched for a moment that crossed into the uncomfortable silence. Clint had wondered if maybe his ears had shut down finally. Kate's hand returned to his head and she sighed a moment later.
"No clue who you are anymore." Her words were soft, sad. Clint didn't know anymore either. "But ok, I got you Hawk."
"Don't!"
Zelda's yell was the only warning he got before Kate roughly ripped the sword from its place in his body, followed very closely by a scream that he was sure could be heard for miles around.
His throat was just about giving up it's battle with the scream when the darkness took him again.
There was a tune that hit his ears the next time consciousness swam back to his mind.
There was a solid weight behind him this time - no longer on his stomach but sitting on his ass, legs outstretched in front of him. Even though he was only coming around there was already the pull to go back into the land of unconsciousness. He fought it, though, to try to figure out what the tune was.
He knew it. It was right there in the front of his mind.
The pain was still intense - he didn't dare to move his left arm because of the offending shoulder. He wasn't sure he could if he tried, it seemed to be immobilized tightly against his chest. That, his head, and his leg now thumped painfully together with each beat of his heart.
There was something off about the tone of the tune hitting his ears. Some of the notes were wrong, though he remembered now who he was with and knew she hadn't a pitch perfect note in her whole damn body.
"Butcherin' that." He mumbled, his throat even more raw now than before. He was sure he tasted blood too, but wasn't quite sure if he had enough in his body to taste.
"Yeah, Natasha says that to me too." Kate chuckled, to the right of him, barely touching his good shoulder. Against a wall, Clint now figured.
"You yanked a fucking sword from me." Clint frowned - though really he wanted to laugh at it. Of course she would, Kate Bishop was always gonna be the death of him.
"Well next time don't be a baby about some metal." She teased, and it was just that; a tease. He knew that she would always understand the importance of someone's weapons. "I need your eyes open or phone password."
Those words took a while to settle into his mind, because they really didn't make sense for the situation. He said them in his brain once, twice, then once more slower because what?
Before they could settle fully he felt a poke to his leg, the bad one, and it had him snapping his eyes open and sending a glare at Kate. She was a little blurry for a moment - eyes adjusting to the light once more and the sudden influx of pain signals. But when they cleared she was grinning at him with his phone raised in her hand.
"That Zelda one left it with me. She isn't too bad."
"She left us here?" Clint asked with a frown, glancing around the room as if it would show anything. He finally looked down and realised for a horrific moment that he was shirtless. The robes cut up into a sling to keep his left arm immobilised. He frowned down at it and the slightly reddened bandage around his leg before Kate snapped her fingers in front of his face to draw his attention back to her.
"She was never here. I made her that promise in return for your phone." She pushed the device towards him so he finally took the hint and punched in the code for her to unlock it. "Gave her a half hour head start, your ass decided to take two hours and some change to wake the fuck up."
"Steve is probably in his panic mode then." Clint mumbled, resting his head back against the wall and shutting his eyes again. His stomach rolled and he frowned again, hugging his right arm around it to try to calm it. "Katie I don't feel great."
"You have one hell of a concussion." Kate said flippantly. There was a slight sound of a dial tone, she had other priorities than his stomach status. "Proud of you for not hurling - Barnes, my man!"
She was too hyper, too cheery. It was Kate all over but right now he just really wanted silence and sleep. He reached up and pulled out his hearing aid, though Kate swatted his hand to stop from taking out the other.
"Nuh-uh mister back from the dead - you don't get to go deaf!" He really hated her. He forced himself to look at her with puppy dog eyes, hoping beyond hope they worked. Her smirk said they really didn't. "I'll drop a pin on maps, not sure where we - Yes Barnes, Google maps you idiot. No not a physical - just put Tony on the phone!"
"I had five months alone with that. Pity me." Clint grumbled. Kate smirked even wider.
"Well next time don't pretend you're dead and then you won't have to deal with - Tony!" She stood when Tony got on the phone, crossing the room to inspect some of the doors. He had a feeling she had done it a lot since he's been out, in century mode.
Clint closed his eyes again, wanting nothing more than to sink away because he knew that if the team were coming he would have to deal with the pain looks all over again. He wanted to heal up a little before that. Or to just not deal with it at all.
"As soon as I hang up I'll send you a pin, no enemies so no guns blazing, just - Jesus Clint!" Clint hadn't realised he was slipping down the wall until Kate was by his side again, using her legs to push him upwards. He couldn't open his eyes anymore, his energy all gone now. "Stay awake a little longer, I promise coffee ok?"
"M'tired." He shook his head, dizziness overtaking him at the movement. She tried to snap her fingers in front of his face again, but he just swatted uselessly towards them.
"Tony, listen, it's a med emergency evac. I'm in a bad way, my arm is screwed, it's splinted but not great." Clint hadn't even remembered to check on her. He was a bad friend… She shouldn't be trying to save him. "Clint - yes, Barton, just listen for a minute. He's fading fast, too much blood loss, bullet wound, concussion. Need a blood bag for transport. Need to talk to him? Wha-? No - put Barnes back on the phone!"
Kate had turned into a damn fine Avenger in his absence. The better Hawkeye was definitely a well deserved title now. He would never be able to be that calm and collected while faced with this kind of situation. The first time Natasha got hit bad he was stumbling so bad over comms that they were convinced he was the one with head trauma.
Kate relayed the same information to Bucky once he got back to the phone, this time more successful than with Tony. He heard a sigh when she said her goodbyes before he felt a hand on his thigh, squeezing just the slightest. It stung, burned, but wasn't enough to give him some energy.
"Come on, Barton. You don't get to die here, not before the team can kill you." Kate was sounding panicked now. She was fine on the phone relaying all the information, how come she couldn't keep it together now? Oh. right, you never answered her. Thinks you're gone again. But he couldn't even find his voice. "Talk to me, tell me what your year's been like? Who's Ellen?"
Ellen?
That did make him open his eyes, squinting at Kate hunched in front of him. Her face turned from concern to slight relief, shoulders relaxing a little before she nodded towards the phone next to her.
"Have some missed calls from her." She answered his unasked question, almost guilty. "Girlfriend? Lover? Ronin's side kick?"
"What?" Clint asked, confused. He glanced to the phone once more, frowning even more at it. Was she still trying to call? He hadn't even checked the text she sent, wanting to leave it until after the mission. Maybe now there wouldn't be another chance. "Ellen is Ellen."
"Informative." Kate said, her eyes rolling at him when he looked back at her. "She another circus act? Please tell me she doesn't have a snake too…"
"No." Clint shook his head, swallowing back bile once more. Next time he doesn't think he'd have the energy to keep it down. "She's a punk ass who runs my bar."
The confusion crossing her face would have been amusing if he had the energy to tease her about it, right now he barely had the energy to remember why the hell they were talking about this.
"You have a bar?" She finally asked, realising that Clint wasn't grasping the question in her eyes. He nodded, not offering more. Though she pushed. "Since when?"
This time he smiled sadly, glancing down at the scars littering his chest that were just peeking out from beneath the makeshift sling. It was a momentary flash of his gaze, he thought it was momentary anyway. When he looked back at Kate he saw her eyes glued there.
"So you weren't running around as a vigilante all year." She said carefully, putting it together in her mind. She looked back into his eyes, this time more sad than before. "They sent you off somewhere else."
"Exile is what I called it." He shrugged, wincing at the action. He really needed to remember to not do that. "Started fresh… Gave me a job and somewhere to live and left me there. Until Barnes showed up and-"
He snapped his mouth shut, looking back down at the phone. Kate followed his gaze when he stopped talking, reaching down to pick up the device and unlock the screen.
"Last thing she saw of me was Bucky spilling my identity… She's probably thinking I'm dead."
"Join the club." Kate muttered, not quiet enough though if his half hearing could pick it up. He didn't bother to start anything with it. "Want me to call her?"
Clint thought about it, head resting back against the wall again so he could look up at the ceiling. If she was trying to get in touch then it was something major, or she was worried, or it was Mark because he never gave up, or-
This time he couldn't keep the bile down, no matter how much he swallowed it back. He fell down towards his right side, tugging on the wound on his thigh, but he didn't care. He needed to empty his stomach, needed it back. It didn't last long, though throughout his heaving and hurling Kate kept rubbing small circles on his back. Once nothing was coming up anymore - there was still stuff there trying, he was sure of it - she helped ease him back up to sit against the wall.
His eyes were closed again, the feel of a sheen of sweat across his brow. He had thought a year ago, lying in that hallway, that he knew what death felt like. That was nothing compared to this.
The smell of his vomit nearly made him hurl again, his stomach rolling each time it hit his nostrils. He rubbed his nose, making a pathetic sniffling sound, bnefore letting his head fall towards his chest to try get away from the stench.
Just a little sleep...
"Come on, eyes open Clint." She had his jaw in a weak grip, her other hand down trying to put some pressure on his bullet wound. He took the chance to glance down and see that, sure enough, the arm that she was holding his face with was splinted. That wasn't good. How could he forget about that? "What was your bar like?"
"My what?" Clint asked, dry mouth making it come out thick and almost sticky. She smiled a little sadly and dropped her hand from his face, holding it across her chest instead.
"Where was it?" She pushed, but he wanted to sleep. He didn't want to talk about a bar, why would he have a bar? "With Ellen? The one you were in the past year?"
Ellen? How does she know Ellen?
He was losing information somewhere now, his eyes darting around the room before finally landing on a phone beside Kate. His phone.
"Ellen sent a text." He finally said, frowning down at the device.
"Yeah, she did." Kate nodded, picking up the phone and putting it in Clint's good hand. He squeezed it like a lifeline to his chest, looking back to hold Kate's gaze. He needed to concentrate, needed to stay focused in case someone came back for them. Kate's head cocked to the side a little. "Where is she?"
"Chicago." Clint answered automatically, swallowing back down whatever was left trying to come up. His throat felt like it was on fire, screaming and bile mixing to make it feel like flames inside him.
Flames…
He glanced down at his chest again, frowning.
"She's good people." He whispered to the air around them, thumb stroking the phone as a comfort. "Don't deserve 'er."
"You always find the good people." Kate said just as quietly. Her hand was back, pushing his head up again and - fuck off Kate! Why wouldn't she let him sleep? He just wanted to sleep. "Guys are still 20 minutes out, Clint. I need you to hang on until then."
Clint groaned at the idea, shaking his head away from her hand with a scowl.
"I don't wanna talk with 'em, Katie." He sighed, eyes slipping closed. He couldn't deal with that, not again. He was glad that Kate had seemed to calm down. He wasn't sure that the others would be won so easy.
Actually…
"You hold a vengeance better than anyone." The words slipped from his lips without thought. He looked to see her raising an eyebrow in question. "You don't hate me?"
"Could never hate you, Hawk." She was smiling in the way that told him he's an idiot. He hated how often he saw that on her. "Talked it out with that Zelda one while we patched you up and... Look, what I said before - I was just in shock. The others will be, too. Gotta give them time, ok?"
"Can't talk to them, Kate. I can't." He whispered, shaking his head a little more. The dizziness attacked again, earning a groan and making his head fall to his chest to try get some control back.
"Ok, ok." Kate said quickly, once more lifting his head. It was heavier, he guessed from the effort it seemed to be taking her. "You don't have to, it'll just be Barnes. You can stand a little while longer with him, right? Clint, stay awake."
"Can't talk to them, can't talk to Ellen, can't talk to Zel…" He was rambling, he knew it. But he was sure that he was going to die here now. Something inside him felt wrong, like he was floating while still feeling like a lead weight. He locked eyes with Kate once more, this time the worry didn't leave them. "What am I gonna do?"
"What do you want to do?" She asked in return. When he didn't answer she reached up and brushed a bit of hair from his forehead. "Whatever you want to, Clint. We'll get you back on your feet, I promise."
"There's no feet to get back... I'm compromised." He sighed, and she nodded. Quickly, no hesitation or thought about it. It wasn't a good sign.
"Knew that the second he said your name. The way you moved as Ronin isn't the Clint I know... I don't know what you are anymore, don't think you do either." She smiled a little apologetically, like him being shit at his job was her fault. "Honestly? I think anyone would be fucked after what you've gone through. But we've been through worse."
Clint took a deep breath and released it slowly, glancing down then at the phone in his hand. The reflection of his face staring back at him was pale, deathly so, but his fingers still listened to him and unlocked the phone screen.
The dial screen was still open from when Kate had called the team - showing two names. 'Bucky Bear' and 'Ellen'. There were people at the end of each line that he really wanted to speak to, but one took priority right now.
He clicked Ellen's name before he had a chance to second guess his action, thankful that the one hearing aid left in was on his right side so he had no issues holding it to his ear.
Four rings turned to five, then six, and he thought that it was about to go to voicemail when it was finally answered.
"H'llo?" It was slurred, mixed with a sigh, and yeah maybe Clint should have checked the time before calling in case she was working late last night. But really he wasn't sure how much time he had left to wait.
"Hey, El." He replied quietly. There was shuffling on the other end, sounds of someone grunting next to her who he was sure was Mark being kicked off from cuddling her. "Lookin' for me?"
"Clint." His name was breathed out, like she was trying to figure out if this was real or not. Or maybe he just sounded as shit as he probably looked. He made a mental note to try to sound normal. "Yeah, hey, good morning, hi. Erm - hello."
"You're flustered." He chuckled, suppressing a cough when his dry throat complained. Kate stood and moved away, presumably to give him some semblance of privacy. "What's up? Need something for the bar?"
"No, no. That's all fine." She replied a little clearer now. The sleep had gone from her voice. "Did you get my text?"
"Ahh no, sorry." He said slowly, trying for a thinking sound. He knew full well it was sitting there waiting.
"Yeah, I thought so." She sighed, a resigned sound. Clint frowned. "I guess you're off doing whatever it is you guys do and don't really get the chance and I mean it's fine, it really is, because I know you're important and I can't really say much with Mark here cause, yeah, I kept it quiet Clint just in case and-"
"Ellen, take a breath." He cut her rambling off, the words almost stringing together she was speaking so quick. She was nervous, and she was never like that with Clint. He didn't like it. The phone slipped a little in his hand and he nearly cursed, trying his best to keep his hand alive enough for this conversation. "Phone's been acting up is all."
"Right." Ellen's sigh this time was a calm one, a deep breath to relax. "I'm graduating next month is all, Mark is too."
"That's great, kiddo." Clint smiled properly this time, so much that it almost hurt his cheeks. She had been going hard this year, he knew how much she put into her studies. It had his heart leaping. "Told you not t'worry, didn't I?"
"You did." She chuckled. He said it every single break down with a tub of Ben and Jerry's held her way. It was said a lot. "We just wanted to make sure you knew cause-"
The words died as Clint dropped the phone to clutch at his left shoulder, clamping hard on the wound. He cursed out loud this time, his head falling back against the wall as pain ripped through his body.
"Kate, I-"
"I got you." Kate was right by him again. He moved his head with his lip held tight between his teeth to see her in front of him again, picking up the phone and pressing something on the screen.
"-you there?" Ellen's voice came through the speaker of the phone. Clint gave Kate an appreciative smile as she held the device out for him so he could keep pressure on his shoulder.
"Sorry, dropped off a little." Clint supplied, his voice tight. There was no way to hide it now, not with the pain shooting through him. "You want - wanted me to know?"
"Yeah." Ellen said softly, confusion there. Clint closed his eyes again, black spots starting to dance again. "Just so you had enough warning cause we wanted you to be there."
"Be there?" Clint asked, useless right now with information. "At the ceremony?"
"No, the fucking ballet." She laughed. "Yes, the ceremony. You're family, you idiot."
Clint's smile was smaller this time, but there nonetheless. He was tired, so damn tired, but he could hold on another minute.
"Thanks El." He said quietly, to the room more than the phone cause he really couldn't even direct his voice anymore. "Be there. Send me details."
"Clint?" It was Kate's voice this time, quiet as her fingers tried once again to pick his chin up. There was no chance this time though.
"You did good, Kate." He whispered to her. He wasn't sure if the phone was still on, couldn't even think about that right now. He wanted to sleep. He was so close. "The best Hawkeye."
"Stay awake, please just don't leave again." Kate almost growled. She slapped at his cheek, but his eyes stayed closed as he watched the black dots swirl around in a dance. It was mesmerising. "Don't you start your goodbye shit Clint Barton, I swear to Christ I'll kill you my-"
He didn't stay awake for the end of that. He decided he didn't want the last words he heard to be a threat.
He hasn't a place anymore. The only place he knows for sure he's welcome is the dark abyss of painlessness.
He's happy enough going there surrounded by people who want him bad enough to call him family.
Next time he wakes is a series of bright lights and pain. Its sterile smells, no sound, poking and prodding, and coldness.
There's flashes of nurses, doctors, trying to leave the bed and being pushed down by gloved hands. It's snippets of questions - 'Do you know where you are? What year is it? What month is it? What happened to you?'
Clint could answer none of them. He was sure he was supposed to be with Kate, looked and asked for her multiple times to be met with concerned faces of the professionals.
Finally, one day his mind was clear enough of the fog to tell the doctor's everything correctly. Everything he remembered, anyway. Still they wouldn't tell him anything about after passing out, or where Kate was. Deliberately leaving things out.
Sitting up in the hospital bed - tubes coming out of places he didn't even know tubes could go and his left arm secured so tight against his chest that he's sure he's losing circulation - he realises one major thing about waking this time.
He's been alone the whole time here. No friends, no family. Just sterile white coats and jello.
Clint wished, more than anything ever, that he stayed in the painless abyss.