Morning sun-light fought its way through the branches of the warriors' den as Frostmask blinked awake in her nest. Then she immediately screwed her eyes shut again and hoped that sleep would wash back over her and give her another respite from her miserable existence.
It had been about a quarter moon since the SkyClan attack and since Frostmask learned the truth about Paledusk. When Frostmask had come stumbling back into camp that morning after her confrontation with him, lightheaded and her wounds burning, she had been immediately cornered at the edge of the thorn barrier by Sedgestar and Clearstream. Clearstream had been furious at her for leaving camp, but the medicine cat quieted quickly when Frostmask showed her little pile of herbs she brought back with her.
"I found them scattered in the woods," she'd lied. "SkyClan must have dropped some in their rush to get out of here."
"Marigold and watermint," Clearstream had murmured with a breath of relief. "Thank StarClan, we'll be able to treat some more wounds and coughs."
Then she had locked Frostmask in a fierce stare again.
"I'm glad you found these," she'd said. "But, you better stay in your nest for the next couple of days, because if I've found out you've left it again, by StarClan, I'll pin you to it myself!"
Clearstream had then snatched up the herbs and padded away, leaving just Frostmask and Sedgestar standing together in awkward silence.
"You did well bringing those herbs back," Sedgestar had rumbled in a quiet voice. "And, I want to apologize again for what happened last night…"
Frostmask had already decided not to say a thing about her unsanctioned trip to SkyClan territory, so she just gave a noncommittal murmur, not meeting his gaze. Sedgestar had paused a moment before continuing.
"Now that you know the truth, you may do what you wish with that information," he'd said. "Although, if I may offer a piece of advice: I think it is within your best interest to keep it quiet. Morale is already low enough as is. Cats are angry and looking for something or someone to blame. And, since the meaning of the rotten pine omen still isn't clear… You may make more trouble for yourself if the rest of the Clan finds out."
Frostmask had clenched her jaw in response.
He's probably right about that, but he might also be trying to save his own pelt from the scrutiny of the clan too. I doubt our clan-mates will be pleased to know that he secretly kept half-breed spawn here, right under their muzzles. It's worse than me just being a rogue. I'm also now kin of the enemy.
"…I better get to my nest," had been all Frostmask finally said to him.
Sedgestar had just nodded at that and flicked his tail at her to go.
And, Frostmask had barely left the warriors' den since.
It was true at first that she was recovering from her wounds, but now she felt like despondence kept her in her nest more than anything else. She hadn't even made herself apologize for yelling at Autumnleap yet— she was either asleep or pretending to be asleep anytime he was in the den. She didn't want to deal with anything. Not even him.
Frostmask fell back into an uneasy sleep. She spent the rest of the morning slipping in and out of a shallow rest when suddenly a voice spoke, pulling her back to consciousness.
"Alright, what's with you."
Frostmask cracked an eye open to see the dark figure of Pineshade standing over her, shadows cast across her face by the light streaming in from the den's entrance behind her.
"I'm recovering from my wounds," Frostmask muttered, closing her eyes again.
"You've barely left your nest in days," Pineshade huffed, her voice annoyed. "And, I know Autumnleap's been bringing you fresh-kill, but you haven't been eating much. Why? You got bit on your neck. Your legs aren't broken and your stomach isn't clawed out. You should be able to get your own prey and eat it at least. So, what's going on? Are you sick? You don't seem sick."
Frostmask ignored her. She just flattened her ears against her head, trying to block out the sound of Pineshade's voice so she could drift back off. Pineshade was silent for several moments, waiting for a response that never came.
"…That does it," Pineshade muttered.
Frostmask gasped, her eyes flying open as she felt Pineshade's teeth grab her scruff. Pineshade hauled Frostmask to the side, forcing her to stumble forward, out of her nest.
"What in StarClan's name is wrong with you?!" Frostmask spat, wrenching herself out of Pineshade's grip and letting out a furious hiss. "You're going to tear my cuts back open!"
Pineshade narrowed her eyes at Frostmask.
"What's wrong with me?" Pineshade echoed with a growl. "What's wrong with you?! Just because my brothers are gonna let you waste away in your nest because they're too soft-hearted to do anything about it, doesn't mean that I am."
"I'm fine," Frostmask growled, trying to step back into her nest, but Pineshade was suddenly in her way, blocking her.
"Oh are you?" Pineshade asked, widening her eyes mockingly. "Well that's great because ShadowClan could really use all of our warriors right now. You know, like with the increased patrolling we've been doing after the invasion? And, because more cats are getting sick and the sick cats are getting sicker because SkyClan destroyed all our herbs?"
Frostmask felt a rush of guilt prickle her spine. She hadn't known that.
"More cats are sick?" she whispered.
"Yeah, Hootflight and Fogfur have come down now with white-cough too. And, Thornheart's fighting an infection from his wounds. You'd know that if you hadn't been spending the days sleeping all the time," Pineshade said with a scornful growl.
Frostmask flattened her ears, making Pineshade pause before she continued in a slightly gentler voice.
"And, Treefur has recovered, although Buzzardpaw has worsened. Clearstream says he has green-cough now and without cat-mint, there's nothing they can do for him… He doesn't have much time left."
Frostmask's stomach flipped. The battle may be over, but Death was still circling their camp like a vulture. She let out a low growl, shutting her eyes for a moment.
"This is SkyClan's fault," Frostmask muttered. "They're going to kill him just as much as they killed Dawntail."
Pineshade was unusually quiet in response. Frostmask opened her eyes to see Pineshade just watching her with a furrowed brow. Her expression had softened and her amber eyes were now concerned instead of angry or mocking.
"Seriously, Frostmask, what's going on?" Pineshade meowed. "Autumnleap told me that after the battle, Sedgestar talked to you, but when you came out of his den, you were really upset. Then you vanished into the forest until the morning…"
Frostmask looked away from her, her tail twitching. For a brief moment, she wanted to tell Pineshade everything that happened. Sedgestar accusing her. Her learning about Paledusk. Going to SkyClan territory to confront him.
But, the urge was fleeting. The image of Pineshade looking at Frostmask just the way Sedgestar had stopped her. Pineshade might be her friend now, but Frostmask couldn't shake a shadow of doubt from back when Pineshade saw her as nothing but a useless rogue. What if telling her the truth brought all those feelings back? Or, worse, what if Pineshade told Dampfang and then the whole Clan knew? She couldn't stand the idea of the whole Clan, or even just Pineshade, thinking she was a traitor or untrustworthy too.
"I've just been really upset about SkyClan, and I wanted some time alone after the battle," Frostmask muttered, semi-truthfully. "The meeting with Sedgestar was nothing important."
"…Really?" Pineshade asked, arching a brow skeptically. "Sedgestar just called you alone into his den to talk about… nothing?"
Frostmask shuffled her paws in the moss, not meeting her eye. Pineshade sighed sharply.
"Okay, whatever," she meowed with an eye-roll.
Frostmask's tail-twitched slightly, but she wasn't sure if she was annoyed at Pineshade's curt attitude or at herself for being secretive, when she was upset at cats that did the exact thing to her…
"But, now that you're up," Pineshade continued briskly. "You should come eat something. It's almost sun-high, and a nice mild day out. I think heading out into camp will do you good."
Frostmask angled her ears back. She didn't want to go into camp. She just wanted to go back to sleep… But from the way Pineshade was looking at her, there was no way she was letting Frostmask back into her nest without a fight.
"Fine," Frostmask grumbled. "But, if I'm not feeling better after eating, I'm going back to my nest. And, you can take it up with Elmclaw or Clearstream if you have a problem with that."
Pineshade shrugged, flicking her tail dismissively.
"Deal," she meowed.
With a twitching tail, Frostmask turned and padded out of the den, squinting as she emerged into the light.
Pineshade was right, and it was a bright, warm day for leaf-bare. The snow had all melted off during the past week, and many ShadowClan cats were out in camp now, eating, sharing tongues and gossiping. If Frostmask didn't look too hard at the still-sealing wounds or the missing pelts of cats who were sick in the medicine cats' den, she could almost imagine it was a normal day in ShadowClan.
As Frostmask padded over to the fresh-kill pile, her legs trembled, suddenly feeling very weak now that they had to hold her up and walk her across camp.
Maybe Pineshade has a point about eating more…
Frostmask narrowed her eyes. When was the last time she'd eaten a full meal? The days had all blurred together for the past quarter moon.
Pineshade shadowed Frostmask silently to the fresh-kill pile. She kept hovering around as Frostmask picked up a small mouse and carried it back over to near the warriors' den to eat it. Frostmask took a bite of the prey before shooting Pineshade a pointed look.
"Look, I'm eating," Frostmask mumbled around the food in her mouth. "You can stop watching me like a hawk now."
Pineshade twitched her tail.
"Fine," she sniffed like she didn't actually care.
But as she padded off to settle down with Poolcloud and Dewleaf on the other side of the camp, Frostmask still felt her eyes on her.
Frostmask bent her head and began to eat in fast, mechanical bites. She didn't enjoy the taste of the prey like she normally did, but the quicker she finished her food, the quicker she could get back to her nest without Pineshade or Poolcloud or anyone else bothering her.
Frostmask had just finished her last bite of prey when she heard footfalls approaching her. She glanced up, expecting Pineshade, but she was greeted by an auburn pelt instead.
"Hey, you're up," Autumnleap said, although he watched her from a few tail-lengths away.
It was as if he was afraid to get too close and have her figuratively claw his whiskers off again, as she'd done that other night. Frostmask dipped her head, rasping her tongue down her chest ashamedly.
She knew she had to talk to him about it, and there was no more avoiding it by pretending to be asleep…
"Yeah, I'm feeling a bit better today," she mumbled before glancing back up at Autumnleap. "Can we talk?"
She shot a glance around at all the cats in camp, sunning themselves in the weak leaf-bare light. She didn't want any gossip about her yelling at Autumnleap getting around anymore than it likely already had.
"Privately," she added in a quiet voice. "Outside camp?"
Autumnleap tilted his head to the side, his brow furrowing.
"Alright," Autumnleap said.
Frostmask hastily scraped dirt over the bones of her meal before rising to her paws and leading the way to the thorn tunnel. She ducked under the brambles, wincing as she felt the thorns scrape her sides and back. It looked like after the attack, the tunnel had been reenforced to be even narrower than usual. Once she made it to the other side, she padded off a little ways into the forest, relieved that the weakness in her legs had faded after eating, until she could be reassured they were out of the earshot of even their clan-mates with the sharpest hearing.
Frostmask sighed quietly.
Might as well just get it over with and apologize.
Frostmask glanced back over at Autumnleap, ducking her head again in embarrassment.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you—" she murmured.
"What happened? Are you okay?" Autumnleap said, cutting her off before she could continue, causing her ears to prick with surprise.
He was gazing at her with a furrowed brow. He didn't really seem upset, mostly just worried.
"You haven't been acting right at all since you talked with Sedgestar," he explained, seeing her expression. "Withdrawn, lethargic, and it's not like you to yell like that… but I didn't want to press you earlier about it in case you were still… processing whatever it was."
Frostmask blinked hard a few times, her mouth suddenly dry. She flattened her ears against her head as her heartbeat began to pick up.
No. I'm not okay.
As if Autumnleap asking about it broke a dam in her mind, the same terrible feelings from that night surged up inside her, and they threatened to drown her all over again. Frostmask closed her eyes for a moment, her chest heaving as she fought against the tide. She needed to keep it together.
Autumnleap studied her with concern. He lifted a paw as if to take a step over to her, but he didn't move, seeming to think better of it. He then took a seat instead and wrapped his tail tightly around his paws as if to keep himself in place.
"You don't have to tell me," he said, his mew gentle. "But, I just want to help."
"I- I- I-" Frostmask attempted, but her voice was shaking too much to form any real words.
Frostmask screwed her eyes shut again.
Snake-dung!
That had betrayed her. Now there was no chance she could fib or brush over it. Autumnleap would still know there was something wrong.
Frostmask opened her eyes to stare down at her feet. She dug her claws into the ground. The feeling of mud beneath her pads helped ground her, and after she forced several deep breathes, she found her thoughts clearing a bit, like sunlight fighting its way through a storm.
Now what do I do? I can't tell him everything, right?
"Can I come over to you?" Autumnleap asked gently.
Frostmask's head jerked up in surprise. She had been so focused on the out-of-control emotions inside her, she'd hardly noticed that Autumnleap had still been keeping some tail-lengths of distance between the two of them.
She blinked. Weirdly enough, she thought maybe that had actually helped her. It had made the feelings seem a little less pressing and overwhelming.
Frostmask's brow furrowed as she considered Autumnleap's request. Could she handle it if he came over to her? Or, would it make the feelings intensify and choke her?
…I think it'll be okay.
Her emotions still rolled like storm clouds, but they weren't threatening to tear her to bits.
At least at the moment.
Still, it might be nice to have Autumnleap's supportive presence a little closer. After all, he wasn't pressuring her or trying to claw the information from her. It was like he said. He wanted to help her.
But, would he still think that if he knew the truth? That I'm Paledusk's kit.
Frostmask's stomach flipped, but she clenched her jaw and did her best to push the thought away.
She gave Autumnleap a tiny nod. He quickly sprung to his paws as if he had been a coiled snake sitting there, and he was at her side in an instant, pressing his pelt against hers.
His solid form was reassuring and steady, but paradoxically that just made Frostmask's trembling intensify, a whimper threatening at the back of her throat. It was as if him being there made the situation feel very real and not just some terrible nightmare. But, at the same time, she didn't want him to pull away, leaving her alone again. Frostmask turned her head to press her face into the thick ruff of fur around Autumnleap's neck.
"Sedgestar thought I betrayed ShadowClan." The words slipped out of her in a rough whisper before she could even think about them. "That I told SkyClan about the tunnels."
She wasn't sure if her voice had even been loud enough for Autumnleap to hear her, but she felt him stiffen suddenly. She pulled her face away, her heart clenching at the thought of finding suspicion or disgust towards her in his expression, but Autumnleap's amber eyes eyes were flaring with outrage.
"What!" Autumnleap snarled. "How dare he!? I can't believe this. Just because you were born outside of ShadowClan?! You've been here practically your whole life! You're a loyal warrior! How can Sedgestar blame you for that?!"
Frostmask blinked and nodded along mutely. Thoughts of Paledusk and SkyClan whirled in her head, and for a moment, she almost told Autumnleap about that too. But, then she felt the cold doubts that she had pushed away earlier return in greater numbers. Frostmask bit the inside of her cheek.
If Autumnleap knew that Sedgestar did that, not because I was born a rogue, but because I am half-SkyClan… would that change things? Would he start to doubt me too?
Frostmask closed her eyes for a brief moment.
And, me going onto SkyClan territory… that looks bad doesn't it? I'd tell him that it was because I wanted answers, of course. That I wanted to hurt Paledusk… but would he believe me? The results don't support my reasoning. I did nothing to Paledusk and came back with herbs that he gave me. Maybe Autumnleap would even think I was colluding with him. Snake-dung, why did I do that? That was so stupid of me…
I can't tell Autumnleap anything, can I?
"I'm going to talk to Sedgestar," Autumnleap growled, getting to his paws and pulling Frostmask from her thoughts.
"No!" she meowed quickly, her eyes widening in a hint of panic. "He's already apologized. You can't make a scene about it because that'll just make things worse. Or, tell any of our clan-mates! The rotten pine remember? If they find out Sedgestar was suspicious of me…"
Frostmask's chin bobbed down.
"Well you know what they'll think," she muttered. "Especially with cats like Dampfang in the clan. Even if Sedgestar defends me, I know Dampfang will have them all turned against me before you can say 'mouse.'"
Autumnleap's amber eyes were wide as he gazed at her.
"But, that's not fair!" he protested. "You haven't done anything wrong!"
"Yeah, it's not fair. But, that's just how life is for me," Frostmask said bitterly.
Autumnleap lashed his tail with frustration, scowling. She closed her eyes, a feeling of pain and loss tugging at her paws like a powerful tide.
Nothing about this or the secret is fair. And, it's not fair that I can't even make myself tell Autumnleap the truth, out of fear of what might happen. Is that a weakness in my character or in his? Autumnleap's never done anything that makes me think that he doesn't trust me… But neither did Sedgestar, and look what happened.
Would I be able to go on if Autumnleap, Pineshade, Poolcloud… if they turned against me too? What's left for me then? I can't risk it.
"I'm glad you know at , you don't think I'd want to betray ShadowClan." Frostmask's voice was small as she said the words she wished were completely true.
Autumnleap stilled and softened, sitting back down next to her.
"Of course I don't," he meowed, his amber eyes round and serious.
Frostmask blinked hard, a lump forming at the back of her throat. Pain washed over her as she gazed at him.
I hope you mean that with every hair on my pelt. But, I still can't tell you.
"…How could he do that to me?" she rasped.
Frostmask wasn't exactly sure who she was talking about there: Sedgestar. Paledusk. Redclaw. Swoopstrike… Maybe even Autumnleap or Pineshade or Poolcloud, in the event they betrayed her too. But, the raw wound inside her remained the same regardless.
Autumnleap scooted closer to her to wrap his tail around her supportively, and after a moment of hesitation, she leaned back against his shoulder, taking comfort in his touch. The very real warmth of his pelt helped chase away some of the cold, dark figments of doubt about him in her mind.
"Sedgestar's an idiot frog-brain, that's why," Autumnleap growled in answer, and Frostmask couldn't help but giving a tiny purr.
She didn't think she'd ever heard anyone dare call Sedgestar an idiot before.
"It's true," Autumnleap said, a hint of amusement appearing in his voice at the sound of her purr. "And, I'd say that to his face, if you wanted me to."
"And, it'd get your tongue clawed out," Frostmask muttered, but there was an edge of dry humor to her words.
"It'd be worth it," Autumnleap asserted, turning his head to rest his chin on the top of Frostmask's head.
They were quiet for a few moments.
"Do you mind if you keep this conversation just between us? I haven't told Pineshade or Poolcloud or anyone else about it…" Frostmask murmured, breaking the silence.
"Poolcloud and Pineshade would understand if you wanted to talk to them," Autumnleap said.
Frostmask's tail twitched uncertainly for a heartbeat.
"Maybe," she said. "But, I'm worried. What if Pineshade tells Dampfang? Or, what if it changes the way they think about me…"
Autumnleap was quiet for a moment.
"I won't talk about it with anyone if you don't want me to," he said finally.
"Thanks," Frostmask murmured into his fur. "Also, I don't think I got a chance to thank you yet for saving me during the battle… I don't know what I'd do without you."
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she felt her ears warm, partly in guilt about keeping the secret from him and partly because she was suddenly very self-conscious about how closely the two of them were pressed together.
"Of course," Autumnleap meowed simply.
Faint yowls drifted over to them, causing Frostmask's ears to prick. She straightened as Autumnleap lifted his chin off her head. Both of their pairs of ears swiveled towards the direction of the camp, but Frostmask had deliberately led them far enough from camp that they couldn't hear what was going on.
"Maybe Sedgestar called a clan meeting," Autumnleap murmured.
"Or something's wrong," Frostmask said, her stomach clenching. "Let's go back."
They hurried to the thorn barrier, ducking into the tunnel. When Frostmask emerged into the camp from behind Autumnleap, she let out a soft sigh of relief that everything mostly appeared normal. No cat seemed particularly distressed, however, oddly all her clan-mates' attention was focused on Darkpelt. Darkpelt stood in the center of the camp clearing, leaning his weight on his good legs. Clearstream and Elmclaw had braced his injured leg with sticks like they would a broken one; they'd said that if the elbow joint was reenforced, it might allow it to heal better. It jutted out awkwardly to the side, not quite under him like his other legs were.
"I have an announcement to make," the large warrior rumbled, shifting his weight under the pressure of all the eyes on him.
Darkpelt paused for a moment before continuing.
"My leg injury is severe," he rumbled. "I've been told by Clearstream and Elmclaw that it will take moons, maybe seasons to regain any motion from the joint, and even then, it will likely never fully recover."
Darkpelt hesitated again as if the words were challenging for him to admit out loud.
"And, so I've made the difficult decision to step down from my position as a warrior," Darkpelt said, his tail drooping slightly. "If it were up to me, I'd have loved to serve our clan for many more moons. But, in this current state, I'd just be a liability in a battle, and I can't hunt or patrol right now either."
Frostmask heard a soft gasp of shock and she turned her head to see Dampfang staring at Darkpelt with wide eyes.
"But, Father—" Dampfang began, but Darkpelt didn't give him the chance to say anymore.
"I've made my decision," he said, shooting his son a sharp glance. "And, it was not one I made lightly. Who knows, maybe in six moons, I'll be able to return to full warriors duties if my leg makes a miraculous recovery… But, if not, well… then that's that."
Sedgestar rose to his paws to give the older cat a nod of respect.
"ShadowClan will always be grateful for your many seasons of service," he meowed. "And, even if your leg doesn't improve, and you end up remaining an elder, I know I will still be coming to you for advice before battles for countless moons in the future."
Darkpelt dipped his head to Sedgestar gratefully. Larkfoot rose to her paws as well to stride to Darkpelt's side.
"I've also decided to step down from my position as a warrior," she announced, her chin held high.
Now Sedgestar blinked in shock as he stared at Larkfoot, his littermate.
"But… we're not old!" he said, his voice aghast.
Larkfoot let out a brief purr of amusement.
"Sure, but we aren't young either," she said, her voice lightly teasing. "And, unlike you, I don't have any extra lives keeping me youthful."
She glanced over at Darkpelt.
"Besides, ever since Dampfang and Dewleaf left the nursery, I've had trouble adjusting back to being warrior again. And, now that Darkpelt's stepping down…" She brushed her cheek against her mate's affectionately, and Darkpelt rumbled a low purr. "I don't think my place is in the warriors' den anymore."
She turned her gaze back to Sedgestar.
"The most fulfilling part of my life has been when I've been raising my kits," she said. "So, that's what I'd like to do. I'd be a permanent queen and help raise all of ShadowClan's kits."
Frostmask gave a small nod of understanding. Frostmask had only overlapped with Larkfoot for about one moon in the nursery, but even in that amount of time she had seen that the queen was a deeply maternal cat. Larkfoot had treated Frostmask, and all the other kittens who were in the den at that time, like her own— grooming them, playing with them, feeding them, and even paying Dampfang no mind when he had whined to her, confused that she was caring for a rogue like Frostmask.
"And, don't think I'll just be sitting around like a lump either," Darkpelt meowed quickly, pulling Frostmask from her memories. "Even if my leg's never good enough to hunt or fight well, I reckon I'll still learn to get around just fine on three legs once it stops hurting so much. I'll still be able to do things. Like patrol and help guard the camp."
Sedgestar nodded, his surprise at Larkfoot's announcement fading.
"Of course, if that's what you both want," he said, shooting a glance at Larkfoot again.
She nodded without hesitation.
"It is," she meowed.
"I'll hold the ceremonies later today then," he said. "And, have the apprentices set up new nests for you."
Darkpelt and Larkfoot dipped their heads to Sedgestar and headed back off to the edges of the camp. Cats began to turn their attention away from the pair as the pseudo clan meeting came to an end, however, Dampfang strode into the center of the clearing before everyone was able to return to their own activities.
"This is outrageous," Dampfang snarled, lashing his tail.
He turned his gaze onto Sedgestar as if to challenge him directly.
"SkyClan needs to be punished for all the damage they've done to us," he growled. "We've just lost two more warriors because of them, and even more are sick because of the damage they did to our herbs!"
"SkyClan's not forcing your parents to retire," Govepelt's voice cut in softly. "True, Darkpelt was injured in the fight, but it's completely within his and Larkfoot's right to decide if they longer wish to be full warriors. Especially after they've served our Clan faithfully for so long."
Dampfang whipped his head around to stare at the deputy.
"They would not be retiring though, if it wasn't for Darkpelt's leg!" Dampfang snarled, before glaring back at Sedgestar. "It's been a quarter moon. We've waited long enough! It's time for us to strike back!"
A few quiet growls of agreement met Dampfang's words, but Sedgestar silenced them with a swift shake of his head.
"We can't put more lives at risk right now," Sedgestar said with a brief growl. "As you said, we are down cats. Too many of our clan-mates have fallen sick or still too injured to fight."
Dampfang curled his lip up at Sedgestar.
"Are we warriors, or are we mice?" he sneered.
A loud growl rumbled from Darkpelt, snapping Frostmask's attention away from Dampfang.
"Do not speak to your leader that way!" Darkpelt snarled, glaring at his son as his pelt prickled in anger.
"It's alright, Darkpelt," Sedgestar said, although he gave him an appreciative nod before glancing back over at Dampfang.
Sedgestar studied Dampfang in silence for a moment with sharp eyes that dared him to challenge him again. Dampfang lifted his chin, refusing to be cowed by the intense heat of his leader's gaze.
"I understand your frustrations, and your desire to get revenge for our clan," Sedgestar meowed. "Believe me, I feel the same way. And, if I was your age, I'd probably be where you are, saying the same thing to my leader right now."
Sedgestar's whiskers twitched in a brief flash of bitter humor, before his gaze darkened again, and he continued.
"However, we need to be strategic about this. The weather is mild today, yes, but don't forget, we are in the heart of leaf-bare. It will still be moons before leaves begin to bud on the sycamores and prey starts to run well again. Say we do strike back now. We take the half of our Clan who's not injured or sick and land a heavy blow back against SkyClan. There will absolutely be injuries, and maybe even more deaths. Now instead of half of our Clan being weakened by injury, everyone is. As leaf-bare stretches on, prey is even harder to find and starvations sets in. White-cough and green-cough take advantage of our weakness and spread. We do not have enough herbs, and our bodies aren't strong enough to fight it off alone. And, that's not even considering if we have any more trouble with the other Clans or outside threats like the rats… I trust you get the picture?"
Dampfang just nodded silently, his ears twisted back. Meanwhile, Frostmask felt her stomach clench and flip at the grim future Sedgestar had just laid out for their Clan.
At this rate, will we even survive leaf-bare?
There was a long moment of silence where Dampfang seemed to gather his thoughts, his twitching tail revealing the fact that his frustrations had not yet totally abated.
"The next gathering is only a quarter moon from now," Dampfang rumbled. "What do you plan to say to SkyClan and RiverClan? Even if we can't attack them yet, surely you can't let this go unchallenged."
"Of course not," Sedgestar said, a hint of a snarl drifting into his voice. "At the full moon, we will gather as much intel as we can on the state of affairs between SkyClan and RiverClan, and we will show them that we are still strong, despite their fox-hearted attack. But, we won't declare war on them. When we strike back, it will be when they are looking the other way."
Dampfang gave another nod, as if he finally accepted Sedgestar's plan, albeit reluctantly. However, despite this concession, Dampfang didn't immediately pad off. Instead, he remained standing in the center of the camp for a few moments longer, prompting Sedgestar to twitch an ear derisively towards him.
"Have I answered your questions to your satisfaction, Dampfang?" Sedgestar growled. "Or would you also like to tell me how I should organize patrols? Or how to hunt mice?"
Dampfang bowed his head to Sedgestar stiffly.
"My apologies, Sedgestar," Dampfang muttered, although to Frostmask it seemed like there was a soft growl underlaying his words. "It won't happen again."
He turned on his heel then to pad back to the edge of the clearing, heading for the thorn tunnel, and Pineshade intercepted him before he reached it. She whispered something to him that Frostmask couldn't make out, but Dampfang just shrugged her off and ducked under the thorns, leaving Pineshade staring after him with a twitching tail.
A few moments later, the thorn tunnel rustled again, and Frostmask turned to see Redclaw emerge with Lizardpaw and Featherpaw, returning from training for a sun-high rest. The bite wound on Lizardpaw's leg had healed enough for him to preform light duties, so Redclaw and Emberflower had been taking turns training him with their apprentices while Frostmask had still been recovering. At the sight of Redclaw's red and black pelt however, Frostmask felt her stomach turn over, a hot sting of betrayal stabbing at her heart.
She knew Redclaw had been checking on her during the past few days, but Frostmask hadn't spoken to her about that fateful meeting with Sedgestar. Instead Frostmask had just pretended to sleep whenever she was around, like she'd done to Autumnleap.
Truthfully, Frostmask didn't know what to say to Redclaw. Should she confront her or should she hide the fact that she knew the secret? She didn't feel like dealing with Redclaw's deceit right now, but masking her pain would be difficult to pull off…
Frostmask tore her gaze away from Redclaw and to Lizardpaw, forcing her thoughts to focus on her apprentice. She lifting her tail in greeting to him, and Lizardpaw slow-blinked at her affectionately in response. Redclaw dismissed Lizardpaw and Featherpaw, but she and Lizardpaw together still headed over to Frostmask and Autumnleap. Frostmask kept her gaze on Lizardpaw, doing her best to ignore Redclaw.
Are you feeling better? he asked. Do you think you can start training again?
I'll have to check with Clearstream, but I am feeling better today. Frostmask signed.
Her mood had lifted a bit after her talk with Autumnleap, although she wasn't sure if it would last. She could still feel the urge to curl up and sleep forever nagging at the back of her mind, although it wasn't as strong as earlier… even if her internal wounds still felt as raw as ever.
"What's going on?" Redclaw's meow cut in.
The sound of her voice made Frostmask's jaw clench, but she struggled to keep the turmoil she felt inside from showing up on her face. Redclaw was gazing out at the camp which was still wreathed in stunned silence following Dampfang's very public challenge of Sedgestar.
"Everyone looks like a fox just ran through here," Redclaw joked before her eyes widened as she seemed to realize that after the terrible surprise of the SkyClan attack, she shouldn't rule anything out as a possibility.
"That's not what happened right?" she said. "Everyone's fine?"
"Yes," Autumnleap reassured her quickly, before explaining Darkpelt and Larkfoot's announcements, and Dampfang's argument with Sedgestar.
"Dampfang has walked around like he owns the whole forest since he was a kit," Redclaw scoffed lightly once Autumnleap was done. "I'm sure Sedgestar humbling him will only help him out in the long run. But, good for Larkfoot. I know she's been wanting to be back in the nursery for a while."
Autumnleap nodded, and Redclaw turned to Frostmask then, making her stiffen awkwardly.
"I'm also happy to see you out of the den!" Redclaw said with a warm purr. "It looks like you're feeling better!"
"Uh, yeah," Frostmask muttered, doing her best to keep her voice neutral.
But, Redclaw seemed to pick up on her discontent. She tilted her head to the side to study Frostmask with sharp green eyes.
"You are feeling better, aren't you?" she asked. "You aren't getting sick, right? Do you feel feverish?"
Redclaw took a step forward to try to touch her nose to Frostmask's, wanting to see if hers was hot, but Frostmask shied away before they could touch.
"I'm fine," Frostmask insisted.
Redclaw blinked at her a few times, her brow furrowed.
"I think Frostmask is still just feeling a bit tired and weak. But, overall she's getting better. Right, Frostmask?" Autumnleap jumped in quickly.
Frostmask glanced over at him, and her blinked at her knowingly.
He's covering for me. He thinks I'm just still upset about Sedgestar, and I don't want to talk about it with Redclaw.
Frostmask dipped her tongue to flatten a piece of her chest fur, feeling a pickle of guilt. She couldn't help but feel like she was taking advantage of Autumnleap's good nature.
"Yeah, right," she murmured.
Redclaw continued staring at her, looking very unconvinced. As Frostmask looked back at Redclaw, the rolling tide of hurt, anger, and sadness in her gut increased, until she felt like she couldn't stand there with her for a moment longer.
"Speaking of which, I think I'm going to go back to my nest for a bit," Frostmask murmured, giving quick nods of goodbye to Autumnleap, Redclaw, and Lizardpaw.
Feel better soon! Lizardpaw signed.
Frostmask paused for a moment to gently bump her head to his in response, before she turned to walk to the warriors' den, forcing herself not to hurry. She sighed in relief as she brushed into the den and out of the sight of Redclaw's prying gaze. The den was empty, with everyone out enjoying the warmer day, and the peacefulness of it calmed Frostmask as she made it to her nest. She curled up, brushing her tail against her nose and closing her eyes. However, her solitude was interrupted only a few moments later when Frostmask heard the bush rustle as another cat entered the den. Frostmask made the mistake of opening an eye to see who it was, and her gaze met Redclaw's.
Snake-dung, now she knows I'm awake!
Frostmask closed her eyes again regardless, hoping Redclaw would leave her alone if she saw that Frostmask was trying to sleep. However, Redclaw was Pineshade's mother… and Frostmask knew, like Pineshade, Redclaw was much too stubborn for her own good most of the time.
"Is everything alright with you?" Redclaw's gentle voice asked.
"Fine. Just tired," Frostmask muttered tightly, not opening her eyes.
"I know you Frostmask," Redclaw said, her tone still gentle but more insistent this time. "I can tell when something's wrong."
Frostmask felt a sudden surge of cold anger overtake her, and she opened her eyes to meet Redclaw's gaze.
"Oh, I know you know me," Frostmask growled in a low voice. "More than I know myself apparently."
Redclaw's eyes widened.
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, her nose scrunching in a faint scowl.
Frostmask gave her ears a twitch.
I shouldn't've said that.
She didn't want to talk about this right now. Frostmask curled up again, screwing her eyes shut tightly and didn't respond. As the moments of silence stretched on, Frostmask dearly wished that Redclaw had just decided to leave her be, but those hopes were dashed as Redclaw spoke again, her voice more firm this time.
"Frostmask. Tell me what's going on."
Frostmask stiffened, and she opened her eyes to glare accusatively up at Redclaw. It seemed like there would be no escaping this conversation.
"Sedgestar told me the truth," Frostmask growled. "About SkyClan."
Redclaw's eyes widened, and Frostmask knew she understood that Frostmask wasn't talking about the attack. Redclaw's mouth opened slightly like she wanted to say something, but she didn't try to deny it.
"…How long have you known?" Redclaw rasped finally.
Frostmask tore her gaze away from Redclaw to stare furiously at the den wall instead. She was well aware that her clan-mates were just outside, so she spoke in a very low voice.
"Since the night of the attack," Frostmask growled. "Sedgestar accused me of being the one that told them about the tunnels. But, I had no idea about SkyClan until he told me."
"Sedgestar accused you of what?" Redclaw snarled, and Frostmask glanced back over at her, surprised at the intensity of anger in her voice.
"Why'd you never tell me?" Frostmask hissed, brushing past Redclaw's last statement.
Redclaw blinked, and the outrage in her eyes about Sedgestar dimmed to sadness.
"It wasn't up to me," Redclaw murmured. "Sedgestar—"
"I know. He told you to keep it a secret." Frostmask cut her off with a low growl. "But, didn't you think I had a right to know? What's the point of keeping the secret from me to ensure my loyalty, if you all are just going to hold it over my head and doubt me anyway?"
Redclaw's eyes widened, and a flash of hurt appeared in their green depths.
"If Sedgestar truly believed that you would betray ShadowClan, then he has bees in his brain," Redclaw said in a hushed voice. "But, I've never once doubted you, Frostmask. You're practically my daughter!"
"But, I'm not, right?" Frostmask growled, the fur down her back bristling. "That's the problem. I never was apart of your family, not really. I mean, it took seasons for Pineshade to come around to me. And, even Poolcloud went along with her the whole time we were in the nursery!"
"I tried my best!" Redclaw protested, her ears flattening. "I spoke with Poolcloud and Pineshade countless times. I never wanted you to feel excluded—"
"But, I still did!" Frostmask hissed, cutting her off. "You knew that I never really belonged with you and Weaseltail and your real kits. And, the fact that you kept this secret just proves it!"
Redclaw blinked in stunned silence. Frostmask glared at her for just a moment longer before she turned her back on her, curling up to face the opposite way. Frostmask screwed her eyes shut, determined to ignore Redclaw until she left. Several long moments stretched by, and the only sound Frostmask heard was her own blood roaring in her ears.
"…I'm sorry that I've failed you, Frostmask," Redclaw whispered finally, pain clear in her voice. "Just know that I've always loved you as much as I loved the rest. And, I still do."
Frostmask pressed her ears flat against her head, a lump forming in the back of her throat as the sound of Redclaw's paw-steps retreated. Only after Redclaw left the den and the rustling of the bush silenced, did Frostmask give into the painful emotions. Her shoulders began to shake, and she bit back a choked sob that threatened to slip out of her jaws. Grief, anger, and even some guilt that she'd hurt Redclaw's feelings warred in her chest, as if they were all working together to destroy her from the inside out. Frostmask curled herself into the smallest, tightest ball she could manage and prayed for sleep to come quickly.
Author's Note:
Kind of a sad chapter today as Frost deals with the emotional fallout of the secret :( At least we got to see some of Autumnleap being a sweet boi, trying his darnedest to be sensitive to Frostmask's very confusing (from his point of view lol) feelings.
Also to those of you who read Hissing Willow's Fire and Water: Book Two - Forest of Secrets, (and if you don't, you should! It's a great The Prophecies Begin AU) I want to reassure you that the similarities between Pineshade and Silverthorn literally pulling their friends out of their nests in this chapter and in Fire and Water's most recent chapter was purely coincidental lol. I actually had this chapter completed before Fire and Water was updated, but was waiting for the weekend to post it.
Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Reviews:
Simitria: The long-con is Paledusk's speciality haha (or at least that's what he thinks.) You're right though that there are definitely some loose ends which can lead Frostmask to the truth. Paledusk is definitely gonna work hard to get ahead of it though— he may have been caught off guard this time, but now he's lying awake at night working on contingency plans A, B, C and D lol.
Brian.H.H: Thank you! Yeah, it'd been a while since the last battle, and that one was fun to write, especially given how desperate it was, since they were protecting their camp! And haha yes, Paledusk is a sneaky bastard man, 100%. He's really fun for me to write though because he's an antagonist who's primary method of control is manipulation, and I've never really written a character like him before. So, it's pretty fun getting into his scheming little head haha.
Ah I'm sorry the website ate your comment about Darkpelt though! It can be so temperamental sometimes— I've had half-written reviews on this site disappear for no reason, and other times I will stumble upon a fic, where I had half-written a review months ago which I forgot to submit, and somehow it was still there lol.
Autumnleap: Thank you! Paledusk definitely didn't tell her the full truth about what happened with May, way back in the first chapter, but he did give her the herbs… although I can't tell you if his motivations there were good or not!
Stacy Rockfall: Ah yes, Paledusk is being confusing because he's telling Frostmask a version of events which don't quite line up with the truth…
Leafpool: Thank you! Haha, tbh I think a lot of people are rooting for her to kill him.
Avalanche: Yeah… Paledusk just isn't a very nice cat unfortunately. As for May visiting Frostmask in a dream, I don't think it'll be that easy for Frostmask unfortunately. In this story, StarClan tends to be more distant so it's harder for the living and the spirits to communicate.