Friday, April 22, 1977
Sirius propped his textbook open and hid behind it, scrawling something on a piece of parchment.
"What are you doing, Padfoot?" James whispered, trying to peer over the textbook to see what his friend was up to.
"I'm writing you a secret message," Sirius replied, waving James away. "No peeking."
"What's the point of writing me a secret message when I'm sitting right next to you?"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Because this is more fun."
"Is everything all right back there, boys?" Flitwick asked, looking up from the notes he was magically writing on the board to eye them sternly.
"Just copying down the notes, Professor," Sirius replied. "But we couldn't decide if that swirly bit is supposed to be a whirlpool or a spider web. Could you please clarify this matter for us?"
Professor Flitwick sighed. "Mr. Black, that 'swirly bit' is an illustration of the wrist movement required to perform this spell, as I suspect you well know." He used his wand to underline a heading above the illustration that read 'WRIST MOVEMENT' in large, looping letters.
"Ohhhhhh," James said, nodding. "Right. We should have realized that."
"But Professor, that illustration isn't exactly accurate," Sirius pointed out. "You haven't drawn anything to indicate the forward jab at the end. Also, the circles are a bit misleading, because it looks like they are getting narrower and narrower, when you really want to keep it consistent, right?"
Flitwick frowned thoughtfully. "Well, yes, you do have a point, Mr. Black. How would you draw it, then?"
"Glad you asked!" Sirius said, hopping out of his seat and striding to the front of the classroom. He picked up a piece of chalk and began to draw, blocking the board with his body until his illustration was complete. Once he was finished, he stood back and allowed the class to admire his artwork. "What do you think, Professor? It's more accurate, don't you think?" He leaned against the board, exuding an air of casual confidence and ease.
Flitwick scrutinized the drawing on the board, then looked at Sirius and sighed. "Mr. Black, you have drawn an obscene illustration on my board." He gestured at the drawing, two circles with dots in the middle that bore an uncanny resemblance to part of the female anatomy.
"Professor!" Sirius exclaimed, his face drawn into an expression of shock and indignation. "I would never pollute the eyes of my classmates with such a profane image! Perhaps you simply have a dirty mind." He set down the chalk, dusted off his hands, then returned to his seat amidst laughs and whistles from the class. As he passed Mary's seat, she gave him a thumbs up and he winked at her.
"I know I've said this before, but this is actually the best day of my life," Remus said through his laughter, leaning over from the seat across from Sirius and James. "And look, Wormtail started to copy it down." He held up Peter's parchment for them to see, tapping the section where Peter had drawn one half of the illustration before realizing Sirius's intentions.
"Brilliant," James said, nodding in approval and trying to catch his breath after laughing so hard he had nearly fallen out of his seat.
"But that's no good, Pete, you can't have just one," Sirius said, snatching the parchment from Remus's hand and finishing the drawing before handing it back. "There you go."
"Settle down, class," Flitwick called, resuming his lecture. Flitwick had erased the provocative drawing, yet Sirius could not help but notice that he looked more amused than angry.
Sirius returned to writing his secret message to James, bending low over the parchment so that he was entirely hidden by the propped up textbook. Once he finished writing, he folded the parchment up several times, then labeled it 'To be read by Mr. James Edward Potter only!' and slid it across the table to James. James glanced at it and chuckled, then unfolded the parchment and began to read.
Dearest Prongs,
Is it just me, or is Macdonald looking extra good today? If you haven't noticed, which I'm sure you haven't because you're too busy staring at Evans, please take a minute to look so you can give me an informed answer. I am fairly certain one of the buttons on her shirt is about to call it a day. I'm hoping it flies off and hits someone in the face, causing a diversion so I can sneak her off to the second best broom cupboard Hogwarts has to offer (the best one being too far away for a middle of class rendezvous, obviously). If the button scenario doesn't create a natural diversion in the next three minutes, we may need to come up with a plan B, as I am unable to focus on anything academic and likely will remain this way until snogging commences. Also, I am hungry, but that is unrelated. Please advise, Prongs, as this is a matter of life or death.
Love, Padfoot
P.S. I wasn't kidding. Take a look at Macdonald ASAP.
James looked up from the parchment and rolled his eyes. "You're an idiot," he whispered, grinning.
"Oh shut up, you'd never be able to sit through class without me to entertain you," Sirius replied. "Now are you going to follow my instructions or not?"
James sighed and directed his gaze to the desk a few rows in front of them where Mary sat dutifully copying down the notes. He watched her for a moment, then shrugged.
"I dunno, mate, she looks the exact same as she always does," he muttered.
"No, you can't see from here, go and have a proper look," Sirius urged. "Go put my note in the rubbish bin, and take a look on your way by. Be sure to pay extra attention to the third button from the top." He gave James a meaningful look. "I'm not going up there to stare down her shirt," James protested. "She's going to think I'm a pervert."
"Are you kidding? It's Macdonald - she'll probably be flattered by the attention, honestly."
"What are you two on about?" Peter whispered, straining to catch their conversation.
"Padfoot is forcing me to throw something away just so I have an excuse to ogle Macdonald," James explained, crumpling the note and standing.
"Ooh, excellent, you can put this in the bin for me, then," Remus said, handing James a crinkled chocolate wrapper.
"Take this too," Peter said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a Drooble's wrapper and a broken quill to add to James's collection of rubbish.
"You're all gits," James muttered, heading to the front of the classroom and dropping his handful of refuse into the bin. He then turned and started back toward his seat, pausing to tie his shoe in front of Mary's desk. When he stood, he gave her a long, searching look before hurrying back to his seat.
"Well?" Sirius asked. He noticed Flitwick looking their way and hastily stared down at his parchment and pretended to take notes.
"I guess I know what you mean," James replied, then snorted with laughter when he glanced at Sirius's parchment and saw that instead of taking actual notes, his friend was writing "Wormtail loves Bertha Jorkins" over and over. "I'd like to say that I felt like an absolute creep doing that, but I will also say that you do have a point, that button is definitely not secure. I don't think this constitutes a life or death situation, however. Try thinking about something else - I run Quidditch plays in my head when I need something to, er, distract me."
"Don't tell me what is or isn't life or death, Prongs. What if I die from lack of snogging, then how would you feel?" He tore off a piece of parchment and began scribbling on it. "I'm not running bloody Quidditch plays in my head. I know that works for you, but I've tried it before and it's no good." He finished writing and folded the scrap of parchment into quarters. "Here, go and put this on Macdonald's desk for me."
"No way," James argued. "I was just up there. Flitwick's going to get suspicious if I keep getting out of my seat."
"That's true," Sirius conceded. "I suppose I'll just have to do it, then." He raised his hand. "Professor Flitwick? I have a question - I'm not sure I've copied this down correctly. No, don't trouble yourself, I'll come to you." He grabbed his notes, then thought better of it and swapped them out for Remus's. As he walked up to where Flitwick stood perched on his usual pile of books, Sirius slipped the folded piece of parchment onto Mary's desk.
"It's this bit, Professor, is this right?" Sirius said, pointing at a random section of Remus's notes. "Hang on, no, that really is wrong. He, I mean I, forgot to reverse the wrist movement for the countercharm. Thanks, Professor!" Sirius gave Flitwick a thumbs up, then returned to his seat.
"Some note-taker you are, Moony," he said, scratching out Remus's incorrect diagram and redrawing it before handing it back to him. "Here, you're welcome."
Mary turned around in her seat and gestured at the note in her hand, then raised her eyebrows at Sirius. He gave her an encouraging nod and mouthed "Go on!" She looked unsure, but nevertheless shrugged and raised her hand.
"Professor Flitwick?" He once again paused in the middle of a thought and looked at her expectantly. "May I please go to the hospital wing?" He frowned. "What's the matter, Miss Macdonald?"
She bit her lip and glanced down at her hands. "Well, er, it's…" She lowered her voice and gave him a pointed look. "It's a female-related issue."
Flitwick turned red and began studying the cover of the book directly underneath his feet. "Very well, very well, Miss Macdconald, go ahead."
"Please, Professor, could I have someone come with me? I think I may pass out."
"I'll do it, Professor Flitwick," Sirius said, striding across the room and taking Mary's arm. "I'll see you safely to the hospital wing, Macdonald, don't you worry." He hustled her out of the classroom, turning and giving the class a wave before he pulled the door shut behind them. They waited until they were a safe distance away from the classroom before bursting into laughter.
"I can't believe that worked," Sirius said. "And I can't believe you went along with it without knowing what I was up to."
"I like a bit of adventure every now and then. But how did you know he would buy that?" Mary asked.
"I figured he'd be so uncomfortable he'd just send you out without asking any questions," Sirius explained. "He just seems the type."
"Nice work," Mary said, grinning. "So why the sudden need to get out of class, anyway? Oh, by the way, did you by any chance send Potter to pretend to throw something away so he could stare down my shirt earlier?"
"I did, but he was supposed to be subtle about it, the silly sod." Sirius shook his head in exasperation. "Anyway, that's the reason we had to get out of class."
"What, so Potter could look down my shirt?"
"No, so I can look down your shirt. And snog you. And possibly shag you, if we use our time wisely." He glanced sideways at her. "Unless you are opposed to the idea, in which case I can escort you back to class to copy notes and be bored out of our minds."
"Of course I'm not opposed to the idea," Mary replied. They had reached the broom cupboard, and Mary pulled open the door and stepped in, then pulled Sirius in after her. "In fact, I think it's the best idea you've had in ages."
A short time later, the two hurried back to class, Mary trying to button her shirt while simultaneously raking a hand through her tousled curls, Sirius tucking in his shirt and wearing a smug expression.
"Bloody hell, I've lost a button," Mary observed, throwing her hands up in irritation and giving up on her shirt. "Be honest, do I look like I've just done a quickie in a broom cupboard?"
"Yes," Sirius replied without hesitation. "But in a good way. What about me?"
She looked him over and sighed. "There's lipstick on your shirt, your zipper's undone, and your tie is missing."
"Brilliant." He did up his fly and pulled open the Charms classroom door. "After you, Macdonald." He waited for her to go first, then followed her into class and slid unobtrusively into his seat.
"Mr. Black," Flitwick said, frowning. "I expected you back much sooner."
"Well, I would have been, and I did hate to miss instruction, but Madam Pomfrey said if I waited a few minutes I could escort Macdonald back to class, and I didn't think it would be very chivalrous to leave her to fend for herself - what sort of Gryffindor would I be if I did that?" Sirius picked up his quill and sat with it poised above his parchment. "Anyway, I'm back now and ready to learn. Please carry on, Professor."
Flitwick's eyes traveled from Sirius's lipstick-stained shirt to his conspicuous lack of a tie, then took in Mary's wild hair and her missing button. Their disheveled appearance left little doubt as to the true reason for their absence, and Flitwick seemed to be weighing his options before finally clearing his throat.
"You will each lose five points for Gryffindor," he said.
"May I ask what for, Professor?" Sirius asked, a look of innocent curiosity on his face.
Flitwick hesitated for a fraction of a second. "Violating dress code," he replied, the tiniest smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You aren't wearing a tie, and Miss Macdonald is missing a button. Now, let's please return to the lesson, as we've already had far too many interruptions for one day." He began writing on the blackboard once more, shaking his head in either exasperation or amusement, or possibly a combination of both.
"You look much more focused," James whispered, smirking.
"You know, I feel much more focused," Sirius replied. "Did I miss anything important?"