Dib chan adventures 12
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.
...responses...
...III...
"Mom! I'm going out for a couple months!" Shouts a resigned yet excited Dib as he walked out the door.
"Okay! Keep in touch and pack warmly!" Shouts Jade as she plays Poker with her family and friends.
"Fifty bucks says this involves another 'Big Foot' sighting." Said El Toro Fuerte as he threw down some chips without looking away from his cards.
"I see that fifty and raise it to a hundred in regards to a UFO landing." Said Tohru as he threw down the corresponding chips.
Jade rolls her eyes, "Guys, it obviously has to do with that Tak girl! Duh! And I wager 500$ on that!"
"Your really going to just let him go?" Asked Jackie baffled.
Jade shrugs, "After everything I pulled when I was his age...I'd be a hypocrite to do otherwise."
"AIYA! Less talking, more shuffling! Uncle is taking you all to school!" Shouts Uncle as he starts to deal again...
Jade nods as she helps to do that, "In any case I don't have time to look into whatever Dib is up to, I need to focus on that stupid banana war Zim and Gaz got somehow got involved with in the Congo..."
...
"HOW DID I EVEN GET HERE!?" Screamed Gaz as all around her guerilla fighters shot each other! "LESS TALKING MORE MATING!" Shouted an eager Zim right before he got punched in his squeedlyspooch...
...
Dib sighed next to now disguised Tak- who was wearing a Burka at Dib's suggestion -on the bus they were traveling on. "Why am I doing this? What kinda guy backstabs his people for sex?!"
Tak shrugs, "Actually it's more common then you'd think."
"Really?" Asked Dib surprised.
"Oh, yeah. Why do you think I have breasts and reproductive organs in the first place? It's not just a backup in case our cloning labs are hit or our genetic templates start to degrade. It's well known that seduction is the number one to bring down an empire. There are HUNDREDS of recorded instances in my seduction class. For example the tale of Invader Delicious who allowed herself to become the lover of General Samsung the unconquerable of the Hitit's. His race was so freakishly strong that one of them literally bench-pressed an entire invading fleet...
The secret of their strength was SO crucial to their health, that simply the act of telling it to an non-Hitit species made them drop dead. But Invader Delicious seduced him to give his life to tell her the secret...which she then used to shave the rest of his race while they slept so they'd be helpless when she called in the armada to bomb the place to oblivion."
"Shave?" Asked Dib horrified...yet oddly intrigued...
"Yeah, the secret to their strength was their hair. Cut it off and their helpless as a newborn infant." Tak shrugs, "Go figure. Anyway, another famous instant was the tale of Invader Helena. She deliberately seduced King Menelaus of Spatatus to become his wife...while secretly having an affair with his most powerful ally Lord Paris-ITE of sector Trojana. Her actions not only broke one of the most powerful military alliances in the Galaxy, but also drove them to fight each other. In the end Trojana was completely wiped out and Spatus was so weakened from the war that the Irkin armada was easily able to crush it."
Dib listened on in Morbid fascination...
Then of course the most famous instant is Invader Nimue's seduction of the Meekrobian tech-wizard Marlin...or it will be famous soon... The information I hacked showed how the information she gained will be vital to helping Invader Tenn conquer the Meekrobians..." Her face goes dark with annoyance saying that last bit. "She sounds insufferable, but passably competent." She growls that last bit reluctantly. "Between The Gold-mine of information Nimue gained and Meekrobian arrogance, she should be able to conquer Meekrob easily- not as easily as I could've obviously -but still rather easily...as long as no one dose anything stupid..." She says that last bit in a surprisingly wishfully, hopeful way much to Dib's confusion...
...Meanwhile...
Red and Purple look at a room full of insane, malfunctioning SIR units. They're running about babbling unintelligible gibberish. One pops up strapped with dynamite, and another tackles that one. Another pops up on fire, and two more pop up wrestling. A whole ball of SIRs rolls by and then one SIR chases another with a buzz saw extending from its head. One swings an axe around while another fires a missile. Another hangs from a wire on the ceiling and yet another has its weaponry extend and detract from its head...
"Malfunctioning SIR units! Hey! These things are dangerous! Anyone using these could really get hurt!... Send them to Zim." Purple says that last part flatly.
"But they'll destroy him!" Exclaimed Red with a gasp.
Their was a brief silence between them...then Red and Purple burst into laughter at the thought.
A nearby guard looks up confused. "Uh, sir? Didn't you give Zim over to the Earth authorities?"
"Wha? Oh, right. We did. And we haven't heard a peep from him since..." Said Purple in blissful happiness. Red shrugs. "Alright, forget it then. Dealing with Zim would already be torture enough without these abominations adding to their woes."
"Out the airlock with them!" Shouts Purple.
The Sir's gave a whoop of glee as they were all banished to the vacuum of space.
"Uh, let's go eat food!"Shouts Purple while Red promptly sends the MegaDoomer to Tenn...
...
On the Conveyor Belt planet. A Screwhead named Smikka Smikka Smoodoo watches as one of his brethren falls to their death thanks to the factories poor working conditions...Just as Tenn's package comes along all by itself...
He snarls in rage, "Irken monsters... conquer my people! Take our planet... force us to ship packages! Can I call myself a man if I am a slave to the Irken machine? Our futures... crushed like so many little loving packing peanuts! No... NO, I say! I must rebel! I will... I WILL...I will..." He flops down in defeat. "Dang it, I can't think of anything! Curse my feeble brain! And my low clearance literally won't allow me to do anything except move packages or switch tags around...Ah, forget it I'd probably just screw it up anyway..." He admits resigned...
Without another word he sends off Tenn's package to her without issue...
Then along comes two OTHER Packages...
The first Package:
SHIPMENT: The universes most comfortable couch
To: My Tallests
The second:
SHIPMENT: A thousand slaughtering Rat people specimens
To: Disposal planet
Smikka Smikka Smoodoo eyes blinked...the gears slowly began to turn in his head...and he smirked... "Okay, now THIS I can work with..."
...
Invader Tenn would receive the 'Megadoomer Combat Stealth Mech' without issue. Being a competent invader she made sure to train with it and test it out first.
She realized there was a glitch in the cloaking device that wouldn't shield her, so she patiently worked to fix it. She also realized that the batteries weren't charged, so she waited a week to get them charged up properly...
Forseeing possible complications like this- being a clever Invader -she had deliberately ordered this a month BEFORE her targeted date to make sure she she could tackle any such issue
After much training helped her move the Mech at a brisk pace and NOT impractically slow...she was ready...
Despite Being beings of pure energy, the Mekroobians insisted on maintaining a physical presence in this reality. In order to stay tethered to the physical realm they all needed to yearly gather in the Citadel of tranquility to meditate and have their bodies surgically re-modified.
This was when they were at their most vulnerable. Not only was their powers shut off by the process, but if they were killed in this state...it would be PERMANENT for them...no hope of reconstitution EVER...
But they weren't worried. It had been milennia since there had been any REAL threat to their species and the technology that protected the citadel of tranquility was state of the art...built by their greatest Mind: Marlin the Tech-wizard.
Little did they know that their champion intellectual now currently had his essence quantumly entangled in so many black holes it would impossible for him to ever reconstitute himself even if his mind hadn't been deleted by his 'lover' Nimue...
and the schematics and secrets of his citadel and it's defenses were now at the fingertips of Invader Tenn...
The assault was a complete success...
The Meekrobians were now extinct...
Irkin dominance in the Galaxy was all but assured...
All Tenn had left to deal with was their automated defenses...filled with revenge, blood-lust and the screamed final commands of their beloved masters: 'Oh, sweet mercy! WHY?! WHY!? WHY DO WE BURN!? SOMEONE KILL THIS BITCH!'
Tenn cockily charged up all her weposn system for another onslaught...
AND that's when the Vortian made flaw embedded in the weapon system drained all the power, leaving her helpless and forced to eject as the drone army blew the Megadoomer to Kingdom come...
In Tenn's defense, The Mekrobian Satellite defense grid would've EASILY detected the outburst of her Irken tech had she tested the full capability of the Megadoomer weapon system BEFORE the assault, thus discovering the flaw. So she'd been smart not to risk it...
Not that that would be much comfort for her now...
As for what happened to her next...
Well...
I'm afraid that's a story for another time...
...III...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!
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