Chapter 12.
Kensei hadn't really hesitated before entering Asagi's apartment. But now that he was inside he couldn't help but feel embarrassed. He knew Asagi's colleague had to come by but she hadn't told him when.
He worried if his presence bothered Asagi while she was in her kitchen preparing a tea tray. To see her act as if nothing was out of the ordinary made him relativize.
Meanwhile, he began to observe her. He knew that his status as captain could make people uncomfortable, but that wasn't the case with Asagi. He thought back to their conversations and there hadn't been a single moment when she had stepped back in front of him. Without disrespecting him, she had spoken to him as a colleague, an equal, and he wasn't at all offended. On the contrary, as a captain he was used to always talking to the same people. His circle of acquaintances, like most of the officers of Gotei 13, was limited to just other officers or today the visards and Ichigo and his friends. But there were not the people that Kensei could call upon to spend his free time. Meeting new people was not a common thing among the Shinigami officers, and he might not have known Asagi for a long time, he felt that she was one of those people you only meet once in a lifetime, unique people.
He had to admit it, she had piqued his curiosity and aroused his interest. He was only sad that the circumstances were so hard on her. It was the kind of situation he didn't like or wouldn't wish to anyone. He understood her pain and shared it. He knew all too well that whatever he said would make her feel guilty, so he decided to not say anything more. But if he could help her get better just by staying by her side, then he would. Especially since he had to admit it, he enjoyed her company.
He knew her face when she smiled, he couldn't wait to see it again. But right now, she was a wounded and fragile woman, a side of her personality that he couldn't have seen outside of the current circumstances. But she did not lose credibility in his eyes, on the contrary, he found her more "human" now. She was not insensitive as some shinigami had become, especially after such ordeals, and she was not overwhelmed either which showed him once again how strong-minded she could be. Something he respected in her, something he liked.
Yet he knew her very little. They had only seen each other a few times after all. But each time he learned more about her, and she was far from disappointing him…
The clinking of tea bowls snapped him out of his thoughts. Asagi walked past him and went to put the tray on the coffee table. She sat down and he did the same.
She poured tea into each of the bowls without speaking. Kensei didn't move. He just watched her movements. He refrained from saying something more than once, but each of his ideas seemed ridiculous to him.
Finally, it was she who broke the silence after a deep breath "I make a miserable host…"
Her voice hadn't quivered. Kensei was even surprised.
"Asagi?"
He waited for her to look up at him to continue and he opted for a direct approach. He knew it was not an easy step, but every grieving had to start with a phase of acceptance.
"I know it's hard, and it's not the kind of thing you want to hear in those cases, but… It's not your fault."
Not my fault ? How can he say that? Of course it's my fault! It was my role to protect them! I should have done something! Anything !
Kensei could see the flow of emotions on her face. Disgust, anger, remorse... Then the features of her face fixed and she raised her expressive eyes to him.
Did he say "we"? The moment Asagi realized that as a captain he had certainly been through this sort of thing as well, more than once, she froze. Of course he knows this kind of situation, but how... She turned her head away and put her arms around herself. How do you get through this? And especially...
"There are people who think the opposite…" she breathed.
She clearly heard Kensei sigh.
"I believe that finding guilty parties is one way for them to explain the death of their child. The hollow is dead, there is only you to collect their anger. It's a normal reaction unfortunately," he finished quietly.
How many situations like this has he been through to say that? I feel so bad…
"Do you recover one day?" she asked.
But she knew there was no right answer to that question and Kensei confirmed.
"You learn to live with it."
She took a deep breath again. She nodded, looking up at Kensei. He was still looking at her and Asagi could easily guess he only had compassion for her.
As she had nothing more to say, she turned her attention to her bowl of tea that she had not touched for a while.
I really have to pity him for him to stay with me…
In front of her, she could see Kensei looking around.
Fortunately I cleaned my place last week… she began to think. As if it mattered at all now. She felt silly to think of that now. But her mind was well aware that a captain was at her house, and not just any one. She was dying to ask him why he had agreed to take her home. He owed her nothing after all. But she was also afraid of what the answer might be, Asagi had her pride after all. Pity was far from interesting her, it was not this image of herself that she wanted to give.
"Thanks for staying," she said finally.
He was about to answer when there was a knock on the door.
"Asagi are you there?" a woman's voice asked.
"Megumi?" Asagi stood up to open the door for her. She heard Kensei standing up behind her.
Asagi was not mistaken because it was Megumi behind the door.
"Thanks for bringing her back," Megumi said.
Asagi raised an eyebrow and turned back to Kensei who nodded at Megumi.
Was she the one who asked him to bring me back? That explains why he is there so… No doubt he took pity on me…
Asagi was snapped out of her thoughts with a hand that gently grabbed her arm.
"You'll be okay?"
Kensei had moved closer to her and was staring at her now with his gray eyes.
"Yes, thank you," she replied softly.
He didn't take his eyes off her. As a result, everything was jostling in Asagi's head… Between the stress of the last few days, the early outburst, the tender look he was giving her right now and his warm hand on her arm, she was feeling dizzy. Caught between a great sadness and the joy that someone like him cares about her, Asagi blocked under the overflow of emotions.
Fortunately she could count on Megumi who had been watching their exchange for a while now and could not help but gloat inside. No doubt she would have a lot of questions for Asagi soon… But for now she flew to the aid of her friend.
"Sorry I didn't bring you home Asagi, but I had to stay at the Academy to sort some things out."
She then turned to Kensei.
"Again, thank you very much. I'll take over," she whispered to him, dragging Asagi into the apartment.
Kensei, who knew how to recognize when he was dismissed, did not insist.
"If you ever need something, don't hesitate," he tells them.
"Heard," Megumi replied.
And with these last words, he closed the door.
For Asagi this was the signal for her to collapse on her couch. Her source of tension now gone, her legs no longer had the strength to carry her.
"Wow… I don't know what you said to each other but you seem completely lost…" said Megumi.
"I don't just look like it."
"You want to talk about it?"
"There wouldn't be much to say."
Considering the look you gave each other earlier, I think so. But Megumi remained silent. I'll have time to tease her later with that, when she's better. I'll have to talk to Isamu about it too, I'm sure he'll have something to add…
"Do you think I pity him?"
Megumi was cut in her film.
"Who?" she asked spontaneously.
"Megumi please!" Asagi snapped back.
Megumi remained glued to Asagi's tone. She hadn't taken it badly but it confirmed that her friend was not in her normal state and Megumi had an idea of why.
Asagi realized that maybe she had gone a little hard.
"Forgive me… I… It's just that I don't know what to do with this whole thing. I don't know what to think anymore either…"
Megumi understood that she would have to choose her words from now on. She went to sit next to her.
"You know Asagi, there is a difference between pity and compassion. Pity is what we feel when someone is weaker than us and who would be unable to get out of their problems. But compassion is when you share someone's grief without losing trust or demeaning them."
Megumi paused for Asagi to understand where she was coming from.
"Asagi, no one pities you right now, we only feel compassion and sadness over what happened.
Faced with these words, Asagi could not hold back more tears and Megumi hugged her to console her.
"Don't worry Asagi, everything will be okay. You'll see," she whispered to him.
Somewhere in Rukongai…
"Master. You asked to see me," said a kneeling figure.
"Tetsuya, it had been a long time. How is business going ?"
Despite the cordial tone of the conversation, the kneeling man did not raise his head or move.
"Your business is successful, master."
"Yes indeed. Your work is appreciated, Tetsuya. But…"
The man seated on his throne left his sentence hanging.
"There is still a problem, Tetsuya. A problem you have created and you still have to solve. But you failed," he said angrily.
Tetsuya, still on his knees, waited a bit before answering to be sure he wouldn't cut his master off.
"There have been complications, master. And the adjuchas who was supposed to take care of the problem turned out to be weaker than I thought... But don't worry, the problem in question will soon be gone."
"I hope so, Tetsuya. I also hope you don't fail a second time. Unless…"
The man paused again in his sentence.
"Unless you try to spare her… You were lovers after all. Has this woman taken you away from our cause?"
"Of course not, master!" Tetsuya cried, raising his head.
Aware of his gesture, he quickly lowered his head again and resumed "She has only been a toy in your projects."
"A toy that knows too much!" the master said, rising from his throne. "All this by your fault! She may not have said anything so far but she would be soon. That's why you have to eliminate her. I would not accept another failure!"
"Yes master," said Tetsuya.