December 17, 2020: God my back is killing me
December 28, 2020: I'm really thankful to those who review (HAHAHAHA special mention to the three names who always do: gaidzani, YoLO1992, and Addie101) but to "A little person" I really wish I could reply to you, but since you reviewed as a Guest, I'll just give my reply here: Thanks for the review! Don't worry about your English, because as long as you get the thought across, then that's all that matters English is something that can be worked on after all, and I think it's amazing how you can speak an entirely different language This goes for everyone else too. So don't be shy to PM me or leave a review or whatever ahaha, I relish the online interaction.
TIP: You might want to read the last parts/paragraphs of Chapter 10 before reading this (assuming you jumped straight to reading 11). The heaviness of this chapter probably won't feel right without the context and intensity carried over from the previous chap.
Chapter 11 – Break
April 30, 3:51 pm
As she sat in her office, tapping her fingers on her desk, Mikoto came to the realization that it had taken several hours just for her to calm down and gather her thoughts. It was well into the afternoon now. Kurosawa had dropped the bomb on her sometime around 11, she thinks.
Well, considering how conflicted she was over everything, that mindless passage of time seems quite possible.
She was mad at him. She was sure of that much, at the very least. The mere thought of the idiot gave her aneurysms. She had asked him for assurance, and he had repeatedly given it to her, but it turns out everything was a lie? He lied to her, the fucking idiot.
But some part of her hated herself. No matter what anyone says, the fact of the matter is, Touma did everything for her sake. She never asked for it. She never would have wanted this outcome, obviously. But she did benefit from his actions. She liked spending time with him, liked being taken care of by him.
She loved him so much.
He loved her, too.
But that was the problem.
To: Kamijou Touma (Idiot)
Message: We need to talk. I'm in my office.
Staring at the message she had sent him several minutes ago, Mikoto released a breath she never knew she held. If Kurosawa hadn't paid her a visit, would these thoughts run through her mind right now? Is she even actually doing the right thing? The right decision?
"Damn it, Misaka Mikoto…." She grunted to herself, heaving a huge sigh. "Just…pull through. I just… need to pull through for a little longer…. It's going to be okay… everything… it's going to be okay."
It would probably take Touma a few more minutes to get there, so might as well get some coffee going while she waits. She was honestly just trying to distract herself, and was praying that maybe the aroma of coffee would give her a little more courage. Rarely does she ever feel the need for a glass of good whisky or a shot of some smooth tequila, but now she kind of craves the feeling of letting loose and being drunk.
She rehearsed It perfectly in her mind. She was calmly going to ask him about his work, press him about it, and try not to say the fact that Kurosawa had come to talk to her. Misaka Mikoto was going to make Kamijou Touma admit the truth, and depending on how things go, she might just ask him for some time apart. She didn't really know how that was going to work, considering the current state of her Sisters, but maybe she could just schedule her visits around his. She practically lived at the facility anyway.
Yeah, that's a good plan.
She can definitely do thi—
"Hey… you okay?" A hand suddenly waved itself right in front of her face, snapping her out of her daze. Touma stood a few steps away from her, looking worriedly. "Sorry for startling you. I tried knocking but you weren't answering, so I came in. You were staring blankly at the coffee maker though, so I don't really know what to make of that."
"Ah, no, that's not…I wasn't…." Ah yes, such a wonderful way to start this conversation. "No, yeah, I'm sorry. I just…spaced out. Pour yourself a cup and take a seat." She smiled, trying to act as she usually did. Was she acting normal? God, she hopes she was.
"Is…something the matter, BiriBiri?" Touma asked cautiously, pouring himself a cup of her brew. "You seem a little…off."
Okay, Plan "Act like normal" will be abandoned.
"… yes…" She said tiredly, after much thought. "You should sit down so we can talk. It has something to do with you, so I can't really just hash things out by myself."
"I thought this would have been about the Sisters, but I guess I'm wrong?" He sat down on the couch opposite of her, taking a sip from his cup. "What's so important that got you so hung up like this?"
"…. How are things at work right now, Touma?"
"Work? You mean mine?" He clarified, eyeing her as if she had grown a tail. "Uhh, just fine I guess? I took a leave from work so I'm not really sure if anything's up or something. Did you really call me out to talk about my work though? I thought you said we needed to ta—"
"Did you call in to work properly?"
"Mikoto, that's the 27th time—"
"Well, did you? Who did you talk to? Do you at least have proof that you actually asked for permission?" Was she being too straightforward? Mikoto tried to keep her expression firm, staring back into Touma who was looking at her incredulously.
"Like I said earlier, yes. Why do you keep—" A look of realization washed over his face, and his expression turned grim in less than a second. "How did you—no, who told you?"
"Are you not denying it anymore?" Mikoto had to swallow back the lump in her throat. "You counted it yourself. I asked you 26 times and you said Yes to all of them. What makes the 27th one so different?"
"Was…was it my dad? Kurosawa? Mikoto, who the hell—"
"I'll be the one asking questions here, Kamijou Touma." She emphasized, cutting him off. "This is between us. Don't bring Touya-san or Kurosawa-san or anyone else into this."
"Kurosawa-san?" He repeated, placing his cup loudly on the table between them. "Whenever I mentioned him, it was always just Kurosawa, so why the –san honorific now? How did you meet him? Talk to him, even?"
"I literally just said not to involve other people Touma! Are you really so deaf to my voice whenever I try to talk things over with you? Can you even hear me talking?"
"So it was Kurosawa then?!"
"DOES THAT EVEN MATTER?!" She shouted, slamming a fist down on the table. "God damn it, Touma, are you listening to me?! It doesn't matter how I found out about this. The fact is that you fucking lied to me! I asked you multiple times! But you lied to me!"
"Mikoto—"
"Don't you 'Mikoto' me, Kamijou Touma!" She sprung up from her seat, her emotions taking over, even as she desperately tried to reel them all in. "I felt like such an idiot, damn it. I believed you!"
"Mikoto, calm down, please." He appeased, urging her to sit back down. "Can you just listen to me—"
"I've practically been begging you to talk to me! Why are you talking like I've never even bothered to listen to you?!"
"I didn't tell you because I knew that you'd get mad like this!" He shouted back, obviously losing himself in the argument as well. They had never argued like this before. She didn't know whether this was a good sign or not, but in that moment, she was desperate for something she didn't even know.
"And you think this is better?! Lying to my face like that?! Having the truth blow up on me like this?!"
"Then what do you want from me?!—"
'I don't know…' Mikoto thought to herself as she bit her lip. 'But things can't stay like this.'
"—Just tell me what you want from me, Mikoto! Do you want me to apologize? Because I am sorry, I really am, but you're not listening! Do you want the truth?! Then yes! Fuck, things at work have been shit for months now. But I never said anything because that was my problem to deal with! It had nothing to do with you—"
Mikoto felt her ears tingle with his words.
"Excuse me?" She interrupted, gaping at him. "What did you just—nothing to do with me? You being stressed at work has nothing to do with me?!" His downright offensive words were the last straw. Her patience, which wasn't much to begin with, had finally snapped. "Kamijou Touma. What the hell am I to you?"
"Mikoto." Touma replied flatly, as if he was totally done with her shit. The nerve of this bastard. "This conversation won't be going anywhere unless you calm yourself down."
"Stop telling me to calm down, Kamijou Touma." She spat. "I may have lost the final vestiges of patience I had left but I am still perfectly capable of dealing with this matter in a civil manner. If anything, I should be asking you if you're ready to have this conversation! With the amount of effort you've put into avoiding it the past few weeks, you might even need another few days to think up a new lie to tell me."
Touma's brows twitched, and it would be a lie for her to say that she didn't feel satisfaction from seeing him riled up.
"Sarcasm won't get us anywhere either."
"Oh? And what? Your lies will?"
"Misaka Mikoto." She had never heard her name be said in that tone before, but the somewhat threatening tone didn't faze her at all. It was odd, seeing him like that, considering they were the type to regularly have spats, but they never really had big arguments like this. She just stared right back at him, and they stayed like that for a while.
I'm not backing down from this. You can't make me.
As the seconds drew by, the fire in his eyes slowly died out and his expression softened. He shook his head, took a deep breath, and leaned back on the sofa.
"I'm sorry I lied. I admit it okay? I lied. I didn't call into work today. I lied about a few other things before as well. Back when I would call you during work hours, or when I said that it would be okay for me to be late in the mornings. But I only did those things because I wanted to help you. You were trying to get your life back. You had a goal you wanted to reach and I wanted to be of help to you. That's all it was."
Hearing him talk was, to some extent, a relief. Finally. He was finally speaking his mind to her. This was all she wanted from him. She was relieved, but she couldn't bring herself to be happy about it….
It was…. frustrating.
"At the cost of your own career?" Mikoto asked disbelievingly, her anger subsiding little by little. "Did you think I would be happy? Knowing everything that you had to sacrifice just to help me?"
"There was no need for you to know." He muttered bitterly, looking away from her. "I had no plans of telling you. I could have handled things just fine at work."
"It came to a point where it became necessary for someone to intervene, Touma. So no, this wasn't something you could just sweep under the rug. You're risking your job. In what world would that be okay?"
"But this is your dream." He gazed right into her, and her anger and frustrations were all lost in those eyes of his. "After you came back, you had to practically start from scratch. At your age back then, you were supposed to be a university student, but you didn't even have a high school diploma. Your friends didn't even know where you'd disappeared to. This city tried to cover it up as much as possible, but at the end of the day, you were practically a living ghost. It was so hard watching you during the year you were hospitalized, Mikoto. Everyone was so busy living their lives, but all of us made sure to make time to come and see you. You could have been there, living that kind of life with us, but you had to stay behind in the hospital, just staring at the windows. You always had this blank expression on your face like you didn't know if you belonged here. Every time I saw you staring off into space, every time you would just quietly zone out and blend into the background… I was always scared shitless. I was scared that if I took my eyes off you for a single moment, you would disappear." Touma paused, huffing a laugh to himself. "Huh. I've said this before, but you have no idea just how scared I am to lose you, Mikoto."
In the silence of her office, Mikoto could feel it. There it was again.
That impulse to run over and hug him, whispering words of love and reassurance to him.
But no, she can't.
"Hey." He called out softly, all the bitterness from earlier gone from his voice. "Do you still remember the day you decided on your goal?"
"… we were folding paper cranes that day." Mikoto answered gently, fond memories rushing into her mind. "It was a nice day out in the back gardens. Kuroko, Kazari, Ruiko, some of the Sisters, and Last Order were there too."
"Yeah, that." Touma smiled. Seeing that, Mikoto wanted to cry but she held it in. "Last Order learned that Thousand Paper Crane thing at school and got everyone involved. It was a little windy though, so we had to pick up flying paper cranes every few minutes or so." He chuckled at the memory. "Accelerator threatened me into silence, but he made a good number of cranes for you."
"I knew about it though." She smiled. "There were a lot of white cranes, even though Last Order always brought over colored paper. The white ones were always more meticulously done than the others, and they always appeared out of nowhere. I never bothered to confirm it with him, but I always somehow knew that he did them."
Those cranes…. They never really did get to a thousand though. Last Order had messed up the counting at some point, mainly because Accelerator and Shokuhou Misaki (through her minions obviously) would secretly add in several cranes of their own. At some point, they had all called it quits and just bundled them together and claimed that it was a thousand cranes.
"That day…." Touma continued, snapping her from her reverie. "When Last Order shoved papers at you and asked you to teach her how to make cranes… it was the first time you looked so full of life. You didn't stare off or zone out. It felt like you were there with us in every moment, and I was just…. really relieved. You were smiling and laughing the entire day, and I loved it. You being there with us finally felt real in that moment, Mikoto."
She could bet that her cheeks were flushed, with teary eyes to match. She wanted to tell him that she loved him too, and that she was sorry he ever felt that way. That she never had thoughts of disappearing ever again. That she didn't want to leave him.
"—I remember it so clearly. You were just staring at the Sisters, and then suddenly, your eyes widened and lit up. You looked over at me and you had the biggest smile on your face and said "That's it! I'm gonna be a doctor!". You should have seen Last Order's face when you pulled and hugged her." He reminisced with a smile. "I felt guilty every time I had to leave you in the hospital, you know? Every second I couldn't be with you, I just wished that time could move faster so that I could run over and be by your side again. But since the day you declared your goal, you never wavered and went straight forward. I felt at ease because you felt so real and alive. I had this thought that you wouldn't go somewhere I couldn't reach anymore, because you still had things to do here, in this place, where I was. Where we all were."
"Touma…. What does this have to do with—"
"I can't really explain it myself, but some part of me felt like your goal was the only thing keeping you tethered to this place." He sounded a little embarrassed, but over all, it felt like he was tired. He was slumped on the back rest of the sofa, as if he had lost the will to fight whatever it was he had been pushing back against. "So I needed to protect that goal. If I wanted you to stay, I had to make sure you had something to focus on. I was willing to give up everything for it. Even my job. Because that was just something I did mindlessly. I didn't have anything particular I wanted to do, anyway. The only thing I was sure of was you, Mikoto. That I wanted to be with you. That everything else could be collateral damage for all I care, so long as your goal and the things that tie you to this world remain."
Idiot. Stupid. What's with that?! Don't discredit yourself like that! I can't be the only important thing in your life! Why?! Why do you have thoughts like that?! You're important too! You have other important things too! Your hard work, your effort, your everything! Don't throw it away!
Mikoto had so much she wanted to say, but the words just wouldn't come out of her mouth.
There really is no way around this then, huh?
"You…might be tired of hearing this by now…" He spoke again, but she couldn't bear to look at him anymore. "But I love you, Misaka Mikoto. I'm an idiot, and I don't have any redeeming features, but from the bottom of my heart, I love you."
…. I can't….
I'm sorry… but I can't…
"…op …tha…" She whispered, in a barely audible voice. Her fingers clenched into fists on her knees, crumpling the fabric of her coat and her pants.
"…huh?"
"… stop it." Her voice was a little louder this time. "Stop saying that…."
"Saying what exactly…?"
"That you love me!" Mikoto raised her face and met his gaze. She looked like she was about to cry, but there were no tears in her eyes. "Stop saying that you love me! Because the more you say it, the more it sounds like an excuse."
"Mikoto that's not—"
"You can't pretend this isn't a problem, Touma..." She cut him off, the looking absolutely pained. "Don't get me wrong, because I love you too. So much more than you could ever imagine. But I can't… This isn't working for either of us."
He looked confused. Like he was trying to process just what it was she was hinting at. And then his expression fell.
"No." He breathed, shaking his head. "Mikoto. This isn't—you can't—"
"A relationship…. It's something that builds, Touma." She watched him stand up from his seat, staring at her bewilderedly. "But recently? All we've done is destroy each other. We can't continue like this. So take a step back. Look at yourself, and focus only on yourself."
"Mikoto… are you breaking up with me?" His tone was incredulous. He forced a few huffs of awkward laughter, shaking his head. "You… you're joking, right?"
I wish I was…. But this is the only option left.
Her heart clenched painfully, and she literally had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from taking back her words.
It's now or never, Misaka Mikoto. Do it. Before things fall further into ruin.
"At the very least, we need to take a break, Touma."
"You're…. seriously breaking up with me?" It didn't even take him three steps to reach her, kneeling down in front of her and clasping her hands in his. "Mikoto, you can't do this. We…. We're engaged! And you said you loved me too! What are we even gonna tell our parents? Please. Please tell me that was a bad joke."
"You're right…." She sighed. She only wanted to take some time apart, but he probably wouldn't understand it even if she had corrected him. He really wasn't listening and it basically meant the same thing anyway. Her heart felt like it was going to explode inside of her chest, but thankfully, she wasn't shedding any tears. She was scared, and anxious, and over all just really terrified of this situation. But it had to be done. "I do love you. Don't worry about our parents. I'll explain it to them, but either way, it's not like they'll force us into this relationship if it's not working out anymore."
"You're the only one who thinks it's not, Mikoto!" He pleaded with her, letting go of her hands and grasping her upper arms instead. "If you think that there's a problem here, then I'll do my best to fix it, Mikoto! Why…why would you break up with me like this!? How could you think of just… just ending things like this? We can still do something about it! Why are you—"
"The fact that you can't see the problem is the problem, Touma." Mikoto croaked, raising both of her hands to caress his face. His right hand immediately went and held hers, cradling it closer to his face.
"I'm sorry… we'll fix it, okay? Please let me fix it, Mikoto, please—"
"I've been trying to get you to see it for so long. But I'm part of the reason why you couldn't." She gave him a small smile, despite the sadness reflected in her eyes. "Maybe…you need to change your perspective a bit. But you can't do that while we're holding each other down like this. So… just, put yourself out there, Touma. There's so much to see in this world. Your life shouldn't have to revolve around me alone." She could feel the familiar sting of tears in her eyes, and it took everything she had in her to prevent them from falling.
He can't see you cry. Because once he does, it will be harder for him to move on.
"Mikoto… please…" He begged, his head falling forward on her knees. "Please don't do this? Please…"
"It… it doesn't have to be good bye forever; you know?" Her voice cracked, but she tried to play it off. Her other hand softly brushing the hair on his head gently. "If someday…. You find yourself with a clearer mind, new experiences, a better perspective… if we meet again, and if… your feelings haven't changed, then maybe we can start over again, Touma."
"It doesn't have to be 'someday' Mikoto…! Please..!" His voice was coarse as well, as he buried himself deeper into the fabric of her clothes, tightening his grip on her hand. "I want you, now and forever. My feelings won't ever change! We don't need to go through this…"
"We do…" She pulled her hand away from him, and he watched as she slipped their engagement ring from her finger. "You just haven't realized it yet, Touma. But we can't stay like this anymore. So I'm sorry."
Mikoto tried to smile, despite the pained expression on her face. Her hands trembled as she placed the ring on his palm. Grabbing his arms, she urged him to stand up, which he mindlessly followed. Mikoto patted off the non-existent dust from his jeans, looked at him from head to toe, and forced a smile, nodding approvingly at him. As they stood in front of each other in the solace of her office, he couldn't help but stare at the glistening hazels of her eyes. It was the same for her, as she just stared right back. All of a sudden, they could feel the warmth of each other's lips. They didn't know who made the first move, nor did it really matter.
The kiss was warm and soft. Overwhelmingly so.
Both of their lips were a little chapped and the bitter taste of coffee still lingered on both their tongues. But just as suddenly as they began, the kiss evolved into something a little more.
More intense. More desperate.
One of his hands immediately went to embrace the small of her back, and the other cupping her cheek, pressing their lips closer to one another. Not a second later, she grasped at the material of his shirt, embracing him just as tightly. They wordlessly kissed each other, their gasps and pants echoing around the room.
"T…Touma…" Mikoto managed to utter out breathlessly as he peppered kisses on her face and even on her neck, sending tingles down her spine.
"Shhh…" He shushed, capturing her lips in his once more. They kissed again, her thought processes muddled beyond repair. They shouldn't be doing this. She knew that. But his lips, his touch, his warmth.
This is the last time anyway.
Wouldn't it be fine to have this moment burned into her memories?
Just… one last time.
After a while, Mikoto slowly pushed him away, putting some distance between them. They both tried to catch their breaths as Mikoto busied herself with straightening out her unkempt clothes and fixing her tousled hair.
"Mikoto, you—"
"You should take it." She said quickly, looking away from him. "The ring, I mean. Take it when you leave." She tapped his hand where the ring was fisted inside. Mikoto wondered how it didn't fall out considering what they had just done, but chose to not say anything. She literally just made out with the person she was breaking up with. God knows what more they could have done if she hadn't pulled away.
"That kiss meant everything, Mikoto." Touma spoke calmly and firmly, lacking any sign of the begging, mess of an idiot he was earlier. "Throw this ring at my face or flush it in a goddamn toilet or whatever. You're not changing my mind. You can't lose me that easily. And I'm not letting go of you either."
"I'm not doing this for fun, you know? I'm serious, Touma."
"And so am I." He said firmly, pulling her into a hug.
"Hey! What- hey! What are you-!" She sputtered, trying to push him away, but he wouldn't budge.
"Mikoto, please, I—"
"SENSEI!" A shrill voice cried out from the corridor, startling them both. "MIKOTO-SENSEIIII!" The voice cried again. Fumi-chan? Taking advantage of his surprise, Mikoto pushed Touma away from her and made her way to the door.
"Mikoto, wait—" Touma called out after her.
"Not now!" She shouted back, opening the door. True enough, she was greeted with the sight of a small girl collapsing on her knees, crying and panting like crazy. "Fumi-chan? Hey, what's wrong?" She asked, kneeling down and wiping away the tears on her face.
"Sen….sensei!" She bawled through her breaths. "Dai…Dai-chan!…. Dai-chan is…!"
Her instincts as a doctor kicked in and she immediately picked the girl up and ran.
"Where is he?"
"In… in the store room! Be-beside the play room over there!" She managed to blurt out in spite of her cries. "We…were getting some… chairs for…for our fort! But he…Dai-chan…. couldn't breathe!" Mikoto ran as fast as she could, and found one storage room with the door wide open. She set the girl down beside the door and ran in, seeing one of their staff nurses checking in on Daichi, who was writhing on the floor and clenching at his chest, obviously in pain.
"Misaka-sensei!" The nurse called out in a panic upon seeing her. "I think he might be having a heart attack! I've already paged the nearest nurses station but—"
"There's no time!" She said, picking the boy up and running out. "We need to get him into a room for treatment now!"
"Mikoto what—" Touma suddenly appeared in the corridor, seemingly running after her. Goddamnit.
"Take Fumi-chan to the Therapy Room on the first floor! Get someone to call for Tanaka-sensei while you're at it!" Mikoto barked out directions for him, moving towards the nearest available room she knew. Thankfully, she hadn't heard him speak any further, so she could only assume that he was doing what she had asked. Setting Daichi down on the bed, she first checked to see if he was conscious.
"…F..uu-cha..n…." He muttered with forced breaths. "Sen…se..i… Fuu…cha..n…?"
"She's fine, Daichi-kun." Mikoto breathed, thankful that he was at least awake. "For now, try to relax as much as you can, okay? You're going to be okay. I promise."
She heard the hurried steps of nurses, wheeling in the equipment she needed.
Good. She could do this.
She can still save him.
April 30, 7:12 pm
"We've said this before, but Daichi-kun has gotten past the hard part. However, it's an all-new battle from here on out. If you have any other concerns, please feel free to let us know." Tanaka's words barely registered in Mikoto's head as she stood behind him, watching Daichi's parents, particularly his mom, break down and cry. "For now, he'll be under intensive monitoring, because we want to make sure that there aren't any unprecedented after effects. You'll be allowed to stay with him, so if you need some blankets or pillows or anything else, the staff can help you with that. If you have no more questions, we'll be taking our leave now."
He simply nodded towards Daichi's father, who had a solemn look as he comforted his wife. Mikoto gave a small bow before following Tanaka out of the room.
"You did great, Mikoto." Tanaka suddenly said, patting her shoulder twice before walking. "The way you responded to that emergency was commendable. Thanks to you, Daichi-kun was saved."
"I… I haven't done much." Mikoto replied, trailing behind him. "Luckily, I made it in time, but I consider it a failure that I wasn't able to monitor his condition well enough to even consider the possibility that he might suffer from cardiac arrest."
"Yes well, no one, not even modern technology, can predict these kinds of cases, so don't beat yourself too much about it." He shrugged. "The fact that you could identify it as a cardiac arrest and respond to accordingly even when the case was reported to you by a crying 9-year-old is already pretty impressive. Plus, this is also your first patient encounter with one. We'll have to write a report on this. Could I ask you to take over it for me?"
"I'm technically your assistant, so that's actually my job, Tanaka-sensei." Mikoto sighed, the stress and pressure from the earlier incident making her feel even more fatigued. "I'll have it on your table before midnight."
"Don't rush it too much, alright? And learn to take a break, why don't you? I feel bad if you're being such a workaholic while I'm here just cruisin' and vibin', ya know?" He said with a slur, puckering his lips while pointing finger guns at her. Mikoto cringed at his pathetic attempt at…. whatever the hell that was supposed to be.
"You haven't gone home for several days now haven't you?" She deadpanned, as Tanaka tried to cough away the awkwardness. "Your daughter, Kiyomi-chan , right? She's probably forgotten all about you. Will you be alright when you come home and she cries and calls you a stranger?"
"Hah! I video call my wonderful wife and daughter every night until they fall asleep! I also message them every hour and send them my love and kisses. Most importantly, thanks to Academy City's wonderful technological advancements, I regularly monitor their surroundings to keep any unwanted pests of the male specie away from them!"
"Ugh, obsessive weirdo."
"Hey no—"
"Sensei!" A girl's voice cried from the other end of the corridor. Looking forward, Mikoto could see an obviously worried Fumi grasping onto the fabric of Touma's jacket. He looked pretty concerned as well, considering how he breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing her face. The little girl let go of him and hobbled towards them, slamming her lithe body into Mikoto's legs for a hug. "Sensei! What happened to Dai-chan!? Is Dai-chan okay?!"
"He's fine, Fumi-chan." Mikoto assured her, kneeling down and holding the little girl by her shoulders. "You did a great job, calling for help, but you shouldn't overdo it, okay? You need to take care of yourself too, otherwise Daichi-kun will be sad." Tears started welling up in her eyes as Fumi collapsed to her knees, her entire body trembling.
"He's okay…. Dai-chan…. Is okay….." She cried, holding onto Mikoto.
"Fumi-kun." Tanaka called out, bending down to meet the crying girl at eye-level. "It's great that you care about Daichi-kun like this, but you're our patient too. It's way past the curfew for children, isn't it? Where are your parents? Do they know you're here?"
".. Nnn.. " Fumi nodded, wiping away her tears with her arms. "We asked Mommy for permission."
"We?" Mikoto asked, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Yeah! Me and that onii-chan over there!" She said, pointing to where Touma stood. Surprised by the sudden gesture, he pointed to himself before giving out an awkward smile and wave. "The nice lady nurse has Mommy's number. She said to call her so that Mommy can pick me up."
"By 'nice lady nurse', she meant Miho-san from Reception. We just met earlier but she insisted on being called Miho-san." Touma spoke as he walked over to them. "So, uh, I heard the gist of what happened. Great work! You guys probably need a break, so why not rest for a while? Last I checked, the girls were—"
"Thank you for the offer, but I'll have to decline." Mikoto said quickly as she stood up. "Tanaka-sensei, I'll be taking Fumi-chan to Miho-san and I'll stay with her until her mother picks her up. I'll leave today's report on your desk once I'm done." She smiled gently at the girl before picking her up and carrying her away.
"He-hey! Uh, mein assistent?" Tanaka shouted after her. "You can't just leave your fiancé like this! Oiiiii? Being too tsun-tsun isn't good, you know~?"
"Personal matters shouldn't be discussed in one's place of—"
"You may have given me back the ring, but I'm not taking back our engagement, Mikoto." Touma said firmly, making Tanaka slowly turn to him with wide eyes.
"Hoo-ohoo~" The older doctor teased, nudging Touma's sides. "She gave back the ring eh- wait, HUH?!"
"I've said what I needed to, so please just make peace with my decision, Touma." Mikoto sighed, without even looking back at him. "Don't make this any harder for us than it has to be…" She added, almost like a whisper, as she continued to walk away.
"Huh?! Wha-?! Wait, seriously?!" Tanaka babbled as she made her way towards the Reception Area, with Fumi in her arms. "You broke up?!"
She heard his scream echo across the hallway as she left.
"Sensei…." Fumi sniffed, rubbing away the traces of her tears. "Did I do something bad?"
"Huh? No, of course not! What makes you say that?" Mikoto replied, handing her a handkerchief. They were seated on one of the sofas in the lounge, waiting for Fumi's mom to pick her up.
"Because of me… because of me, Dai-chan got really sick, right? Because I wanted to make a fort, because I asked for more chairs…" She sobbed. "I swear I didn't want him to hurt! I just… I just wanted to be with him more… since he's always tired recently… I didn't want this to happen…" Mikoto watched as the girl began crying again, her sobs becoming uncontrollable. "He's going to be okay, right? We can play together again, right? I promise not to be too rough! I'll even do the heavy stuff for him! He… he doesn't have to do anything at all! Dai-chan just… he just needs to stay with me… he can, right?"
"Of course he can…" Mikoto barely whispered, pulling the younger girl into a hug. "It might take some time, but he's gonna be okay. Tanaka-sensei and I are going to keep an eye on him so he gets better faster. You might not be able to visit him for a while, but I promise we'll take good care of him so he can hang with you and Natsu again sometime soon, hopefully."
"Hnnn…" The girl nodded into her chest, trying to suppress her sobs. "..Okay…"
"But in the meantime, you need to focus on getting better yourself, alright?" Mikoto put a little space between them, holding the girl's face in her hands, pressing her cheeks. "Daichi-kun will probably get mad if he gets better only to find you and Natsu a bawling mess. So cheer up, take your vitamins, and do your exercises regularly, okay? Natsu-kun might have a hard time accepting that Daichi-kun won't be there as much, and I don't think he trusts me yet, so can I ask you to handle him like a good older sister would—?"
"Fumi!" A woman wearing an oversized cardigan over casual clothes ran towards them, a worried look on her face. "Are you okay? How's Dai-kun—Oh, Misaka-sensei, good evening!"
"Good evening, Ma'am." Mikoto stood up with a small bow, greeting her politely as Fumi hugged her mother's waist. "I'm sorry for letting Fumi-chan stay out so late."
"Oh no, not at all, sensei!" Fumi's gentle looking mother waved her hands vehemently. "If anything, I'd like to apologize and thank you instead, for looking after her all this while. But, how is Dai-kun, if I may ask? I haven't been able to get in touch with his mother at all…"
"Ah, Daichi-kun's parents are still with him in his room, I think. As for Daichi-kun himself, he's stabilized for the most part, but we'll keep an eye on him to be safe."
"I do hope he gets better soon." She sighed. "The children have gotten quite close and us parents have been bonding well too. I can't imagine how Shizue-san must feel right now…." Shizue-san being Daichi's mother, Mikoto guesses. "Oh! Right! Is Kamijou-san still here by any chance? I'd like to express my gratitude as well. He stayed with Fumi for the most part, didn't he? A young man like himself must be quite busy, but he still offered to watch over Fumi like that."
"Touma—ah, I mean, Kamijou-san is… well he's not here right now, but he was with Fumi-chan until I took over, rest assured. He had… other matters to attend to."
"Mama!" Fumi called out. "That onii-chan said that he loved sensei a lot! Will they get married?" Both Mikoto and her mother were shocked with her words. "Mama said that people who love each other get married and have babies, right? Will sensei and onii-chan do that too?"
"Well…" The mother looked over to Mikoto and briefly saw the troubled look in her eyes, before the young doctor fake coughed and averted her gaze. "You see, Fumi, there are many kinds of love in the world. Getting married is just one way of showing it, but not everyone does it. Not unless they're both 100 percent sure that it's what they both want. As for the kind of love between sensei and Kamijou-san, that's something between them, so you can't just go around asking people that, okay?"
Well, thanks for trying to be considerate, I guess…
"I'll tell him for you." Mikoto quipped with a business smile on her face. "Tou—Kamijou-san, I mean. He hangs around and visits this facility quite often so I'll be sure to pass the message on to him."
"Then… please do, if it's not too much trouble." She replied with a gentle smile. "We really must be going now, it's almost time for Fumi's bed time. Thank you for everything, sensei. Truly. The kids and us parents, we've only known you a short while, but we all know you've been doing your best to keep these kids of ours healthy as can be. We couldn't ask for anything more."
"…Not at all, ma'am. It's my pleasure. Please have a safe trip back." Mikoto bade, waving off the mother and daughter. Once they were out of sight, she fell back onto the couch, placing an arm over her eyes, and staring at the high ceilings of the facility.
…been doing my best, huh?
Hard to believe that, considering just how wrapped up I've been with my personal business lately…
Mikoto released a deep sigh, trying to make a mental note of all the things she had to do. A report on Daichi, a review of the daily status of the Sisters, organizing the records of her kids, making time to spend with the girls, informing their parents of their separation— was there even an end to this?
"… I'm so tired….."
"Then take a break." A voice answered. She was just talking to herself, not really expecting an answer, and yet one came to her. She didn't even need to move her arm to see who it was.
"Last I checked, I seem to recall breaking up with you, Kamijou-san." She sighed tiredly.
"You know better than anyone that I'm an idiot who doesn't know when to give up." The couch dipped beside her, his warmth radiating off his body like it usually did. "I checked with the girls, but they already ate, so I brought you food. You should eat up and rest, Tanaka-sensei said that the report could wait until tomorrow, so just relax. Maybe take a nap?"
"I'm not in the mood to play games with you, Kamijou Touma." Mikoto grunted, sending him a sideways glare. "As you've just witnessed, I'm very busy with work, and I also have the Sisters to look after. So please maintain some distance between us, if not for your sake, then do it for mine."
"You're breaking up with me but you're asking me to keep my distance for your sake?" He asked incredulously, opening up an onigiri from the convenience store plastic bag in his hands. "A little too contradictory, don't you think?"
"Stop with the fucking sarcasm, please.…" She grunted, sitting up somewhat properly. Hadn't she gone through enough for today? "What do you want me to say? How do you want me to say 'we're over'? How do you want me to express it so that you'll understand? I'm tired, Touma."
"When people are tired, they take a break, Mikoto. They don't just randomly break up with their fiancé of several years." He placed an opened onigiri package on her lap, as he went on to open another one for himself. "Let's talk this out calmly this time. Admittedly, I was a little too emotional earlier, and so were you. I'm sorry for forcing that kiss on you—" The memory made Mikoto flinch, but it was more out of her shame than hatred for him. "—you didn't deserve to be treated like that… and I'm just… I'm really sorry, Mikoto. I won't touch you without your consent anymore. So please, talk to me?"
This was going to be a very long night….
".…This wasn't a random decision." Mikoto spat, glaring at the onigiri on her lap. "I'm offended that you would ever think that I would just randomly decide something like this! I'm not an idiot, Touma. I wouldn't throw away the years we spent together so arbitrarily like that."
"Then what? All that stuff about getting me to focus on myself? About us not working out anymore? Was that it? That's your reason for breaking it off with me?"
"You've been lying to me!" Calmly, Mikoto, discuss this with him calmly. "You've been jeopardizing your work because of me. You've been getting into arguments with your friends, Kurosawa-san particularly, and probably even your parents. I appreciate that you prioritize me, but this is just too much. If you keep this up, your life will be in shambles before you know it. And I would never be able to live with myself, knowing that you ruined yourself for my sake!"
"I would never have let things fall through like that. I thought you'd at least trust me not to fuck myself over so badly." He replied, looking hurt. "And even if I did, has it never occurred to you that "my life being in shambles" is something we could work out? That maybe all I need is your support to get me through it?"
"Hah." Mikoto scoffed, shaking her head. "Funny you would say that. Because if anything, the Kamijou Touma I know would never willingly ask for help or support like that. You readily extend a helping hand to anyone who needs it, but you almost never ask for help yourself. The last time was what? Asking me help for your studies?"
"And the only solution you could think of was to break up with me?"
His question lingered in the air as Mikoto tried to think of something to say. Something, anything really. But her mind was blank. Was there even a proper answer for this? Touma just stared at her, seemingly waiting for an answer, but several seconds have already passed and she still hadn't replied.
"Mikoto—"
"You know…." Before she knew it, she was already speaking. "Most couples… they break up because someone cheats or falls out of love. In some cases, they break up because they're unhappy—because something isn't working out."
"… are you unhappy?" He asked timidly, to which Mikoto actually chuckled.
"No." She answered simply with a sad smile. "It's actually absurd how stupidly happy I am with you. You're loyal to a fault and I love you very much."
"Then why…?"
"Because I want to set you free." For the first time since he sat beside her, Mikoto finally looked him in the eyes. He held his breath for a second because she was so beautiful. Her hazel eyes were glistening, her long hair messily tossed into a lopsided ponytail. There were bags under her eyes, and she looked considerably paler and thinner than usual, but in his eyes, with the way to dim lights and the moonlight which peeked through the windows shone upon her, she was just so beautiful.
"—I've bound you to me. At first, it may have just been you feeling responsible for having dragged me into the whole Science vs Magic feud, but love come somewhere along the way and here we are. I don't doubt our feelings, Touma." She gently lifted a hand and gingerly cupped his cheek. "I know, believe me. But I've run out of words…on how to explain why it had to come to this."
Her words dug deep into his heart. How could he still argue with her…? None of it made any sense to him, but she spoke with such conviction, even though she was quite obviously forcing herself to not cry.
"… how am I supposed to accept this, then?" The half-eaten onigiri in his grip was crushed, some of the grains falling to the ground. Mikoto retracted her hand from his face and he wanted to take it back, but for some reason, he felt like he shouldn't. "Mikoto, you're serious about breaking up with me."
"I am."
"I can't accept this."
"You're gonna have to." She sighed, standing up. "You can hate me, if you want. If the things I said didn't make sense, then just think of me as the girl who can't balance relationships and work."
"As if I could hate you?! Not when I love you this much! I just…. I don't understand…" He lowered his gaze, shaking his head as a hand came up to tug at his already messy and spiky hair. "Mikoto, please, I don't understand! You're serious about this! You're actually leaving me, but it's not because of something I did? You still love me, you're happy—just what part of our relationship isn't working?!"
Three small steps were all it took for her to stand directly in front of him. After a few milliseconds of hesitation, she slowly ran her fingers through his hair, trying to tame it down as much as she could.
"Maybe someday you'll understand. Goodbyes are necessary in life, you know?" Mikoto placed the uneaten onigiri he had given her in his hand, taking out his previously crushed one. "I'll take this off your hands, I imagine it won't taste good anyways." She said in a teasing tone. "I hope you won't feel too awkward with the whole situation. You have every right to be with the Sisters, and you've gotten quite close to Kuroko and the other girls too. It might take some time, but I'm sure they'll come to accept it soon enough. The same goes for our families."
"…I'm not okay with this…"
"… Honestly? Neither am I." Her voice cracked as she spoke, and she wanted to smack herself. Just a little more, Misaka Mikoto. She bent down and pressed a light kiss on the top of his head. "If it's too hard for you, then forget me—pretend I never existed. Or maybe think of me as a passing daydream. Just… promise me that you'll try to be happy, Kamijou Touma. You deserve to be happy."
Straightening herself, she stared at his hunched over figure for the last time. Taking the first step was the hardest thing she had to do, but she willed herself to do it. Step by step, she forced herself to walk away from him without looking back.
-chapter end-
December 31, 2020: LOLOLOL I'm posting this on New Year's Eve. Happy New Year I guess? HAHAHA. This one was kinda heavy. I'm not really sure how well I write scenes like this, but at the very least, I hope it didn't seem too cringy. The fuck do I know about break ups anyway lolol
Well. I originally planned for this to be 15 chaps, so let's see if I can live up to that this time (because tbh I never do lololol) I'm posting this tonight for a reason. Fuck 2020, let's hope 2021 will be better.
Go easy on the celebrating and stay safe, my dudes~!