Force Dyad

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A/N-thank you very much to everyone who kindly read and reviewed the last chapter.

Chapter Fifteen-The Only Choice

Ben's depression-it began eating him up. He walked away from his uncle without saying another word. Skywalker didn't follow him, perceiving that his troubled nephew needed some time alone to think. He expected that Ben would come to the same conclusions he had about Rey. The gifted little girl needed stability, a safe place to nurture her growing ability.

Ben looked up at the sky. It was one of those baby-blue skies, not the psychedelic candy-blue nor the washed-out grey so characteristic of wintry mornings. He felt the balmy air kiss his skin but felt no warmth from the sun's rays. Even though it was a beautiful day, the world no longer seemed magical. The sky no longer seemed limitless. The chirping of the birds no longer music to his ears. Ben felt surrounded by darkness. Not from the practical point of view, but from his mental state. The tears wanted to roll down, but they were too stubborn. They just wouldn't come.

Depression has a floor, a rock bottom. Ben felt like he'd reached it. Skywalker had called him out for being selfish when it came to Rey. Even Tai had hinted at the same thing back on Trask. He had a difficult decision to make and Ben didn't think he had the strength to do it. He had promised Rey that he would never leave her, but what if leaving her was the best thing for her.

Rey had always been his one little piece of true happiness, the one who gave him unconditional love. She was his hope. His ray of sunshine. It was the reason he'd called her Rey; he had never learned her true name. She had accepted the name he'd given her, just like she accepted everything about him. Rey had entered his life when he had been at his lowest point. She had stopped the loneliness that had been like a vice on his heart. He had always felt isolated-from his parents, from his peers, his wider family. Rey was his anchor; without her he knew he would drift further into the void of darkness that was eating away at his soul.

The thought of leaving her behind at the temple was slowly killing Ben, taking what was once his inner light and replacing it with a darkness that overshadowed each moment. It was the fuel of his nightmares, the reason he struggled to breathe when his uncle had called him out on his selfishness. He wondered where was the limit? When comes the point at which he couldn't take anymore and the help begins? Because he needed to know; he really needed to know.

Without even realising what direction he walked in, like some invisible string tied him to wherever she was, Ben found himself outside of the dining hall-a separate building all of its own, set slightly back to one side of the Jedi temple. The dining room was elegant in a minimalist sort of way, yet still echoed the natural world outside the temple. The table dominated the space, an elongated ellipse of oak with the raw bark at the edges. Ben's eyes immediately sought Rey; it didn't take him long to spot her among the young group of padawans sitting at one end of the table. Beside her was Finn, he was chatting animatedly to Rey, who seemed more interested in devouring what was on her plate, then what the new young padawan had to say.

"I thought I might find you here." Tai seemed to materialise out of nowhere, making Ben jump slightly. Tai followed the direction of Ben's gaze and his expression became thoughtful. "She looks to be settling in nicely."

"How would you know?" Ben scowled. "You know nothing about Rey."

Tai sighed. "I'm just making an observation, Ben. Why don't you come in and get something to eat? You must be hungry."

"No."

"Still so stubborn." Tai shook his head. "What did Master Skywalker say to you after I left?" He enquired instead.

"Much the same as you did back on Trask…. I'm selfish…that I'm stifling her potential…that I need to let her go." The bitter edge to Ben's tone cracked at the end and he averted his gaze so Tai couldn't see the pain in his eyes.

Tai didn't need to see Ben's eyes to see the pain in them, he could hear it in his voice. Everything about Ben Solo radiated hurt. "I'm sorry this happened to you, Ben, I really am. I can see how much she means to you. It takes a selfless person to just walk away."

"What if I can't walk away?" Ben said miserably. The weight of everything seemed to press down on his shoulders and he struggled to breathe freely. "I think I am too selfish, Tai."

Tai rested a sympathetic hand on Ben's shoulder as he looked over at Rey. She had finished eating her portion and was now eating Finn's. Finn seemed oblivious to what she was doing as he was still talking, not pausing to draw breath, let alone eat.

Tai smiled, finding Rey's antics amusing. He turned to face Ben; whose attention was still focused on Rey. "You can either be selfish and take her with you, or be selfless and leave her here. Have you considered the third option?" He asked.

Ben's breath caught in his throat. He knew what Tai was suggesting. He stood on the brink of something he couldn't describe. It was too much. All of it. "You're suggesting we both stay."

"Would that be so bad?" Tai said cautiously. "I know you've had your issues with Master Skywalker, but - "

"They were more than issues, Tai." Ben cut in harshly.

"Maybe so." Tai conceded. "But you've been gone for a while. Things could be different if you both agree to meet in the middle."

Tai made it sound so simple. And maybe it was for him. Ben knew different. Skywalker would not be prepared to back down on anything. It was his way or nothing. He would never listen. That had been proved already during their last conversation.

But what choice did he have?

The thought of leaving Rey behind and breaking his promise to her was already costing him. He could already feel the darkness inside growing darker, the pain growing sharper; all of it seemed to only grow in strength and he began to wonder if things could ever get better.

Ben hid the sad, broken look in his eyes and turned to face Tai and put on a smile-the horribly fake smile-that no one seemed to see through. "You're assuming that Skywalker would have me back." He laughed, a bitter, sarcastic laugh, at himself.

"Stop it, Ben. Just stop it!" Tai warned him in a low voice. "You think nobody cares. That nobody notices. Open your eyes. I wouldn't be here now if I didn't. And as much as you want to deny it, Master Skywalker cares, too." He added before walking away.

The weather was the kind that feels like a kiss of spring without the fiery heat of high summer. The grass was like a soft carpet under their bare feet as Ben led Rey outside the jedi temple. The sky above remained a pristine blue. Rey was glad to be free of the confines of her heavy boots. When Ben had taken his off to enjoy the springy grass underfoot, she had eagerly copied him. She had a full belly after eating not only her and Finn's portions but several of the others as well. She had ignored the other padawans protests as she emptied their plates onto hers. Her ability to eat so much had impressed Finn to the point that he had actually stopped talking. "You are so cool!" He had complimented her.

Rey liked the idea of being cool.

Who needed to run when walking felt so blissful? Rey stopped and closed her eyes so that she could focus just on sound. There it was, the beautiful bird song, how could anyone not say that was music? She opened her eyes and let the daylight flood back in, focusing her attention back on Ben she noticed the despondency in his eyes. "Are you sad?"

"A little." Ben admitted. "Sit down, Rey."

Rey obediently sat cross-legged on the ground and waited patiently for Ben to do the same. Ben lowered himself down slowly and settled opposite her. He looked at her sweet face, filled with so much trust, as she gazed back at him. "Do you like it here, Rey?" He asked.

Rey considered his question. She scratched the end of her nose, a habit she had when she was thinking deeply. "I like the food." She said after a while.

A rare smile broke out on Ben's face. It was such a Rey thing to say. After living a hand to mouth existence for most of her young life until he had come for her on Jakku, she often judged whether she liked a place if the food was good or not. "Anything else? Do you like the other children?"

"Finn's okay." Rey replied with a non-committal shrug. "He talks a lot."

"You were eating a lot." Ben pointed out.

"Maybe." Rey smiled, showing off her cute dimples. "I was hungry."

Ben batted away a flying insect that tried to settle on his shoulder. "So, you like the food and you like Finn even if he talks too much." He summed up.

Rey gave another non-committal shrug.

Ben saved the most difficult question for last. "Would you like to stay here?"

Rey's smile died faster than wisps of smoke dissipated after a candle flame has been snuffed out. "By myself?" What loomed before her was fear, fear of being abandoned all over again by the only person she trusted. "Don't go. You promised."

Ben could actually hear her heart hammering against her ribcage like a trapped bird trying to break free. He reached out and put his hands on her small shoulders in an attempt to calm her down. Just her reaction to the possibility of him leaving her behind was enough fuel to convince him that he was making the right decision, even if it cost him in the long term, he would endure it for her sake. "I'm not breaking my promise, Rey. I'm not going anywhere. If you want to stay here. Then I'll stay, too."

A/N-thanks for reading! Please review.