Chapter 14

After sliding the last of the Tupperware containers with leftovers into the refrigerator, Kate turned to see if anything else in the kitchen needed cleaned up. She spotted Castle at the kitchen sink, finishing the cleaning of items that could not be put in the dishwashing machine, and watched as he turned his head from side to side and then rolled his right shoulder a few times. He'd been babying the joint ever since that afternoon when he and Alexis were playing a bit of volleyball in the back yard. He'd tried to dive for a wayward ball and not only missed it, but crash landed on his right side. Though he insisted he was fine at the time, she suspected that wasn't exactly true because of how he'd been acting in the aftermath.

"I can finish those up if you'd like," She offered kindly, but glanced back over his shoulder at her and shook his head.

"Oh, it's okay; this is the last one."

"Okay; I'll wipe down the counter then."

She grabbed a dish cloth and walked over to the second sink (because of course fancy Hamptons kitchens had two sinks in them), dampened it and then began to wipe down the counter around the range where they had done most of their meal prep.

That evening's dinner had been a buffet of tacos with a variety of toppings. She'd offered to help so while he cooked up the meats and warmed the taco shells, she prepped the veggies, since chopping and slicing were two of her top kitchen skills. She had been pitching in with kitchen duties more and more and actually found herself enjoying them since she wasn't rushing around to make something before heading out the door or coming home exhausted from a long shift. She knew that once she was back at work she'd probably fall back into her own routine of ordering takeout and not cooking, though maybe she'd take the time on her days off to prep a few meals ahead. Then again, cooking was much more fun when she didn't have to do it alone.

After she wiped down the counter, she turned around to see Castle rubbing at his shoulder again and couldn't stop herself from saying something. "You should take something anti-inflammatory for that. Want some of my Advil?"

He gave her a small smile. "I took some earlier, actually. It just didn't help that much." He sighed with resignation. "I think I might be getting too old to dive on to the ground like that."

"You don't say," she said teasingly. He gave her a look and she laughed. "I'm sorry, Castle. I hope it feels better tomorrow."

"Thanks…I actually think I'm going to go sit in the hot tub to loosen it up. Wanna joint me?"

"Oh," she said, surprised at the invitation. Though she had used the pool quite frequently for her rehab and for general relaxation, she had yet to use the hot tub. The temperatures had been so warm the thought really hadn't crossed her mind and Castle hadn't brought it up much either, which made sense; when it was so hot, why would they want to get even hotter? Now that he was proposing the invitation, it was worth considering. Getting into it with Castle certainly could have been conveyed as a sexy activity, but she genuinely did not feel he meant it that way. It was just an invitation to hang out like they'd been hanging out every evening for the past week. The only difference was that hang out would be in the hot tub instead of on the deck. "Um, okay. sure."

"So like…half an hour?" he suggested. She agreed with a nod and then she finished cleaning up the kitchen counters before wiping down the dining table and then going upstairs to change into her bathing suit.

As her father had not anticipated a need for swim wear and thus not packed any when they first traveled to the Hamptons, Kate had ordered two bikinis online and had them shipped to the Hamptons house back in early June. As it was later in the season as far as swimwear was concerned, she didn't have too many options for her size and as a result she didn't particularly like either suit. One was a pinky-orange color that she didn't find flattering against her skin tone and the other had a navy blue nautical themed print which wasn't normally something she would have been interested in, but the fit was flattering.

Kate stared at the two suits sitting on her bed for far too long having a debate on which she should wear. It wasn't as though either were new—Castle had seen her wear each of them several times previously—and it ultimately did not matter since she'd be wearing a tank top over the top regardless. She ultimately picked the nautical one and changed into it before grabbing the black Nike running tank she used in the pool because it didn't saturate with water as much as the cotton ones did.

Down in the pool area, Kate found Castle pouring two glasses of wine. When he heard her footsteps, he smiled and held one out to her. "Wine?"

"Sure why not," she said as she took it from him. "I'm surprised there's any left."

He winked at her. "I have a few hiding spots Mother doesn't know about."

She hummed and sipped her wine while walking over to the hot tub, which was sunken into the deck at the deeper end of the pool. Castle climbed in first then he'd out his hand for her to hold on to as she stepped because there was no railing. Once they were both in Castle used the dials along the edge to turn on the jets until the water bubbled aggressively. He then sat down on one of the corner seats and wiggled around until his shoulder was just in front of one of the blasts of water.

"Is that helping?" she asked after a minute or so of silence.

He hummed. "Mmm maybe. It is very relaxing to be in here though."

"Yeah…" She skimmed her free hand through the bubbles and thought for a moment then said, "You know…I don't remember the last time I was in a hot tub. I actually don't know if I've ever been in one."

"Really?" he asked, his tone noting disbelief.

"Yeah…I've been in bathtubs that have massaging jets but…Oh, you know—I remember." She gestured towards him with her wine glass. "It was college. Some friends and I went skiing and the big thing at the hotel was to get into the hot tubs in the evening even thought it was freezing cold. I remember doing that—I mean, barely."

"You were really drunk?" he guessed.

"Extremely," she responded with a laugh. She tried to sit down on one of the seats like Castle, but the angle from which the jets sprayed somehow went directly up her shirt, which resulted in it billowing up continuously. After fighting it for several minutes she gave up and moved to the seat beside Castle instead of across from him.

"Can I ask you something?" he said once she'd settled down

"Sure."

"Why are you even wearing that shirt in here?"

"Oh." Her eyes flicked downwards as she unconsciously gave it a tug to make sure it hadn't floated up again. "Well, I…I'm just not ready for my scars to be on display yet. They're still so red and…" She stopped herself just short of saying "horrible" or "ugly."

"It's your choice, but for the record: I think scars are amazing."

His comment didn't surprise her at all as it seemed quite like something he'd say, but she was still curious. "And why is that?"

"Well because they each come with their own little story. Like this one?" He paused to bring his left leg into view and pointed towards the center of his shin where there was a white strip noticeable on his otherwise tan leg. It was about two inches long and seemed like it was directly over the bone. "I was playing around on the pool deck annoying Alexis with a flying helicopter toy and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I ended up falling into the pool and scraping up my leg."

"When was that?"

"Last year."

She laughed. "Oh."

"Right, so now I have this reminder that if I try and torture my child, karma will punish me."

She took a sip from her wine glass and said, "I see."

"You have any other cool scars, Beckett?"

She pressed her lips together, knowing that two of the scars on her body came from on-the-job incidents which made them decidedly uncool. The only other scar she had was uninteresting. "There's one on the top of my toe from when I was a kid, but it wasn't that interesting. I was running even though my mom told me not to. My shoe came off, I tripped and fell, and in the process cut it on some glass."

Castle cringed. "Ick, that's not good. Was this New York City street glass?"

She laughed at his horrified sounding tone. "No, no it was up in a parking lot near my dad's cabin."

"Gotcha."

They were silent for a few minutes, both of them sipping on their wine. Kate finished hers and put her glass down on the cement deck before turning to face her companion. "You know what I was thinking about earlier today? What if I hadn't been shot back in May?"

His face twisted into an expression of concern. "I think that would have been everyone's preferred outcome, Kate."

"Right; I know. I wasn't thinking about the shooting itself so much as the pandemic. What if the shooter hadn't shown up at Montgomery's funeral? What if we'd just…had the service and then gone back to our lives. We weren't fully aware of it then, but this pandemic was already inevitable at that point. If that had happened…I would have stayed in the city, pitched in where I was needed. I'm sure I would have ended up on the front lines of this thing one way or another, while you and your family would have come out here."

She wasn't entirely sure what made her think of it. Her father had one of the morning news programs on and they talked about the number of NYPD officers testing positive for the virus. She'd been in contact with Ryan and Esposito casually during her time in the Hamptons and she knew they were trying not to worry her, but they had mentioned the names of few officers she knew that had contracted the virus. None were seriously ill, but from what she was told the department had, at times, difficulty filling shifts due to the number of people out sick.

She'd wondered then how differently the summer would have been for all of them if she'd been back in the city with Ryan and Esposito and Castle and his family had been out in the Hamptons. On one hand, she certainly would not have been mad about not having surgeries or pain or all the other challenges that came with recovery. Yet on the other hand, she could not deny that either of those realities would have been very challenging in their own way.

After pondering the notion for a moment, Castle said, "We wouldn't have seen each other at all. We'd have probably spent another summer apart."

"Yeah, probably," she agreed, though the words "another summer" continued to circle around in her head. It was crazy to think that it had just barely been a year prior when Castle's ex-wife turned new-girlfriend had shown up at the precinct just as she was about to tell him that she was interested in joining him in the Hamptons. So much had happened to her in that space of time, a year of time didn't even make sense as a descriptor. Sitting there she knew she was a completely different person in that moment then a year prior.

If Gina hadn't shown up and she was able to tell Castle that she would go to the Hamptons with him, they would have inevitably slept together, but where their relationship would have gone from there was unclear. It was possible they could have made things work beyond that summer, but maybe not given the fact that she wasn't close to being in a place where she was ready to be open or loved. Either way, it would have been a struggle.

Though the memories of that time were difficult, Kate knew she needed to be grateful for them for it was perhaps the experience that for the very first time made her wonder if the way she was living her life was the best possible way. Now she knew that wasn't the case and the path she'd managed to forge for herself thanks to therapy was a much healthier one.

Bringing her thoughts back to the present, she said, "I'm glad that didn't happen. I'm not saying I'm glad I was shot but…maybe it was the wakeup call I needed. I need to make a change to my life or risk being very unhappy. Even Montgomery's death wasn't enough, I don't think."

She'd thought about it more than a few times over the prior two months, sometimes on her own, sometimes as an exercise with Dr. Burke. She'd been so conditioned to live the way that she had been living, even something as shocking and earth-shattering as Montgomery's betrayal and death probably wouldn't have been enough. Sad as it was, she needed that bullet to the chest as a wakeup call to change her life before it was too late.

Angling her body to face his, she took in a deep breath and for the first time visualized her whole self as a door, swinging open to let him inside. "When we arrived at the gravesite and stepped up to that hearse, I looked at your face and I thought…we'll be okay. We need some time for our tempers to cool down and then we'll just go back to how things were, but now I'm so glad that didn't happen. I'm glad we're moving forward."

"Me too."

She smiled and felt her heart stutter with nerves for the sentence she was about to say. "I start back at work next week."

"Wha…" He croaked out a barely audible noise and she cringed.

"I know. I'm sorry to just drop that news on you like this. I should have told you sooner because I knew it was coming. I've only known the exact date for three days, but I…I didn't want to tell you."

"Why?"

She shrugged a bit sheepish, "Because I thought you'd be worried and disappointed."

He put his wine glass down on the deck and leaned towards her. "I am! Both of those things!"

She leaned in as well and their knees bumped together in the tight space. "I know. But I'll be starting with desk duty for almost a month and you know Ryan and Espo will watch my back. And I'll wear the PPE they give us. Religiously."

He nodded though his face was still wrought with concern. "I'll still worry. I can go back into the city too, though, and-"

"No, Castle," she said quickly, having anticipated he would say exactly that. "You should stay out here through Labor Day like you planned. You never know, they might extend the stay-at-home orders again."

His expression made it seem like he'd just been told Christmas would be canceled that year. "But I'll miss you."

She nodded; that had been the main reason she didn't want to tell him she was going. If she told him, that made it real; that meant she really had to leave, and she didn't want to because the thought of not seeing him every day felt almost unbearable. "I'll miss you too. I'm really glad we've had almost three months here together. I…being here has really enabled me to heal, in more ways than one."

"That's great Kate; really great. I'm so happy to hear that."

His smile was so pure and genuine. She knew he really meant that as a supportive friend and nothing more. The joy it brought her felt almost crushing and she knew, without question, she didn't want to wait a moment longer for what they both desperately wanted. She had talked about it with Burke just the day before, wondering how she would know when she was ready. He kindly reminded her that there were no written rules, no instruction manual for her to follow. She had the tools she needed, but ultimately it was up to her when to take the leap of faith. She'd felt herself drawing ever-closer to that moment, but right then, knowing Castle wasn't expecting anything, but feeling completely unable to hold herself back even for another second, she knew.

Her heart thrumming beneath her ribs she sighed out his name. "Castle."

"Hmm?"

She said nothing more, but instead arched her body forward, cupped his jaw with her hands, and pressed her lips against his. When she pulled back, he looked absolutely astounded and it made her laugh.

Knowing her cheeks were probably turning a little pink, she sank down a little in the water and shrugged casually, "I, uh, didn't want to go back into the city without doing that."

Evidently having found his voice again, he proclaimed, "You'll hear no complaints from me!" and then lunged forward and grabbed her around the waist. She squealed and giggled as he grabbed her and pulled her body into his. She threw her arms around her neck and they sank down into the water as they kissed again and again.

After several minutes he pulled back looking at her with equal parts admiration and astonishment. "Really, Kate?" he asked. "This is—we're—I mean—I-!"

His tongue-tie made her giggle again and she teased him by saying, "I thought you did something with words for a living."

He growled and grabbed her waist tighter. Then, skimming his fingers gently against her spine, his expression turned serious and he asked, "Are we together now—a couple?"

"If you want to be."

"If I want to be?" he responded, incredulous.

She hummed, loving how easy it was to tease him. "Well, I thought you might be interested but if you're not…"

"Kate." He spoke her name with such adoration that the hair at the base of her neck stood on end. "There has never once been a question of if I was interested."

She merely hummed and pressed her lips against his once more.

They held on to each other, kissing occasionally, in the hot tub for the better part of ten minutes before Kate reluctantly pushed herself away from him confessing, "It's not that I'm not enjoying being close to you…but I think I'm actually starting to sweat a little bit." Between the hot bubbling water and Castle's body heat she was genuinely beginning to feel a bit unwell.

"Oh, there's a thermostat—I can turn down the water temperature."

She shook her head. "No, I think I'm going to get out; sorry."

"No apologies needed. Do you want to dry off and then watch something together?"

"Actually, I think I'd like to keep reading Casino Royale; I'm really enjoying it," she told him.

"Then we can read together. In my room?"

Smiling as she knew the seclusion would lead to more kissing, she agreed. "Okay. I'll come over after I change."

With the high-inducing amount of excitement and elation coursing through his body, Castle wasn't entirely sure how he retained enough muscle coordination to ascend the stairs in his home, but somehow, he managed. He went through the motions of stepping into the shower while still wearing his swimming trunks, rinsing off the chlorinated water, and then hanging the trunks up to dry all the while his brain shouted Kate, Kate, Kate with every beat of his heart.

Finally. Finally.

All the waiting that he had done—and would have continued to do if she desired it—had paid off and they were finally going to be together as a couple.

Finally!

As he redressed in basketball shorts and a soft t-shirt, Castle's mind began planning what they would do and how they would spend their time, but then he forced himself back to the present. Kate had agreed to be his girlfriend and that was a huge step, but that didn't mean she was ready to do a cannonball into the deep end of a relationship with him. This was Kate and he knew her. She would be much for comfortable wading in the shallow end for a little bit and he needed to be okay with that—he would be okay with that…after the initial burst of experiment wore off, of course.

Too energized to sit down, he merely paced the area in front of his bed for several minutes before Kate entered his room wearing black calf-length yoga pants and an NYPD t-shirt, her hair tucked up into a messy bun at the crown of her head. "Hey," she said breathily.

"Hey," he echoed. Then, after a second, he gestured towards the loveseat and said, "Please, sit. Make yourself comfortable."

Book in hand, Kate walked over to the loveseat and sat down with her back facing the fireplace wall. She looked up at him expectantly, so Castle sat beside her and pulled her legs across his lap asking, "This okay?"

She hummed a positive response, then, looking around the room, she said, "I don't think I've said it enough but this whole place is a complete oasis, Castle; it's amazing, truly."

"Well, thanks. It's always been a nice escape and now…kind of feels like a life saver," he said. Not only had being there quite possibly saved Kate's life, but certainly saved her from extended misery, because of their time together they had grown closer than he'd previously imagined possible. While he felt confident that they would have eventually gotten to the spot they were in then, it absolutely would have taken more time.

Nodding, she said, "I know what you mean."

They read in silence for half an hour before Castle said he needed a drink. He offered to get her anything she wanted, but she declined. He returned a few minutes later with some water and they settled back into their positions on the couch. Another forty minutes passed, and Kate left to use the bathroom. When she returned, he noticed she appeared rather sleepy, which made him think about how that evening might end.

"So, I was thinking…" He paused and waited for her to look at her before continuing. "No pressure—this is just an offer—but I was thinking…maybe you could spend the night here with me. It's just that…you're leaving, and I want to spend as much time with you as possible, but if you're not comfortable, that's completely fine with me."

A smile blossomed on her face as she said, "I think that sounds nice."

Feeling like he was floating, he asked, "Yeah? You're sure?"

"Mmhmm."

"Plus, you have shared a room with your father for eleven weeks," he pointed out.

She chuckled and skimmed her fingertips over her forehead. "Ah, yeah…I definitely haven't done that since our last family vacation when I was eighteen."

"I'm sure."

After another twenty minutes of reading, they separated to complete their pre-bedtime routines. Once finished, Castle began turning down the bedcovers and rearranging some of the pillows to make sure the bed was set up for two and not just one. When Kate returned, she gave him a bit of a shy smile while made his heart burst with joy.

"Do you, um, have a side preference?"

She glanced at the bed, then back to him tentatively. "Normally no, but it's still a little uncomfortable for me to lay on my left side, so I guess I'd prefer this side," she said, gesturing towards the left side of the bed. He assumed this was because it would allow her to lay on her right side and face outward instead of inward. Even though that was the side he normally slept on, he didn't have a strong preference and wanted her to be comfortable.

"Of course. Just let me…" He quickly rearranged the pillows, so she had the ones he hadn't been laying on and then smiled at her. "There; perfect."

"Thanks, Castle."

They both climbed beneath the sheet and he immediately slid towards the center of the bed and reached out his arms, hoping she'd accept his invitation for cuddling. She leaned in, kissed him softly, and then lay down with her back to him, but from the way she pushed her butt in his direction he assumed it was an invitation to spoon her, which he was all too thrilled to do. It took them a moment to arrange themselves comfortably, but once he finally relaxed with Kate Beckett curled in his arms, Castle realized there was no other place he wanted to be for the rest of his life.

"Castle?"

"Hmm? Are you okay? comfortable?"

She turned her head so she could look at him and said, "Yes I'm fine I just…I wanted to thank you for giving me the time I needed to…to be ready for us."

He wanted to say so many things to her, perhaps launch into a romantic speech about how she meant the world to him, but it was late and there would be plenty of time for great professions of love later on, so he just went with the one word he knew meant the most to both of them. "Always, Kate; always."

With that, he pressed his lips against the side of her face and snuggled back up against her until they both fell asleep.