Chapter 17: John Phoenix Vs. the Robots

John Phoenix chuckled.

"Oh, of course, I only made that bluff in my head; you wouldn't know about it. In any case, I bluffed in my brain that I knew where the hideout was. I only made the bluff because earlier I had found a mind-reading device, about the size of a grain of rice, on my head." He presented it, carefully wrapped in a piece of tinfoil to prevent it from reading his mind.

"I'll be a monkey's uncle," said Godot in wonder. "I can just barely make it out, but there's a name on that device... 'Merlin'..."

"That name is also on the angel gun and my uncle's badge as well," replied John Phoenix. "Anyway, rather than removing the device right away, I decided to trick von Robot and Gant, who undoubtedly planted the device, into thinking I knew the location of the secret hideout. That way, they might panic and abandon the hideout, thus exposing themselves and allowing me to capture them."'

Phoenix Wright was in despair. "But John Phoenix, if you hadn't done that, they'd still be in the hideout, and we could have captured them! You just made things worse. Now they could be anywhere."

"Wright, you fool-"

"Uncle Phoenix, you fool-"

John Phoenix and Edgeworth paused and exchanged glances. "Oh, my bad, go ahead, John Phoenix," said Edgeworth respectfully, deferring to the brilliant young man whose exploits he had been following religiously in the military newspapers. He was a big fan.

"Thank you, Miles," said John Phoenix. He addressed all those gathered, like a kindergarten teacher explaining some incredibly simple fact like red + blue = purple.

"Von Robot and whoever made off with his brain couldn't possibly have left the courthouse. They would have been spotted by Miles here. And even if they had managed to get past him unseen, my friend Shelly de Killer is watching the front entrance, and Matt Engarde is watching the back entrance, so I would know if von Robot left the court. You see, I broke Engarde out of prison with my psychic powers while on the train and reformed him. He and Shelly are friends now. I've armed both of them with high-powered assault rifles."

"Good work, John Phoenix," said the Judge.

"I'm not sure I like that," Phoenix Wright gulped. "But I'll trust your judgement, John Phoenix. But if they didn't leave the courthouse, and they're not in the secret hideout, then where...?"

"Come, Uncle Phoenix, use your brain!" chided John Phoenix. "Obviously they must be the only place they can be AKA the roof!"

So John Phoenix, Uncle Phoenix, Edgeworth, Godot, Franziska, and the Judge decided to head for the roof. But first Edgeworth gave Gumshoe some orders.

"Go investigate the secret hideout, Gumshoe. You might discover something useful."

"But, sir, I'm not a detective anymore, sir; von Robot fired me," replied Gumshoe, who had been there all along, because he followed Edgeworth into the courtroom 2 chapters ago, but he hasn't been mentioned until now because he isn't important.

"Never mind, you're hired again," said Edgeworth, and he gave Gumshoe an official legal document that says Gumshoe is a detective.

So everybody except Gumshoe went to the stairwell and climbed to the roof.

"Huff, huff," huffed Phoenix Wright, who was canonically bad at climbing stairs. "Err, John Phoenix, do you think you could use your psychic powers and-"

"No," said John Phoenix, floating effortlessly up the stairwell. "How dare you ask me that?"

Eventually they made it to the roof. There, they found Damon Gant, Manfred von Robot, and a small army of John Policemans. Manfred's brain was in a new robotic chassis, and this one had rocket thrusters and laser guns.

"Welcome, John Phoenix, to your death," said Manfred's 3D head on the monitor. Gant took out a remote and activated the John Policemans. Their eyes turned red and they became evil. Phoenix Wright's badge began to glow.

"I believe now would be a good time to fuse, Uncle Phoenix," said John Phoenix.

"Oh yeah, it's been one crazy thing after another lately, and I forgot all about that," Phoenix replied. John Phoenix touched the badge and the two men fused together and became Phoenix Phoenix.

"W-what's this?" said von Robot in shock. "T-they became one person.. and they have a strange aura that incorporates the signature colors of both men... I am frightened by this aura, Gant."

"Don't worry, Manny, we've got this," replied Gant, and he pressed a button on the remote and it made the robots even more evil.

Then the battle began in earnest. The John Policeman robots rushed at our heroes. Phoenix Phoenix used his right hand, the one controlled by John Phoenix, and fired a blast of pure psychic energy at a John Policeman and blew up its head. Phoenix Phoenix, getting the idea, lifted his left hand, the one controlled by Uncle Phoenix, and shot off more energy blasts, but Phoenix Wright's energy blasts were weaker and not as big as John Phoenix's.

Manfred von Robot fired a laser at Edgeworth, but Edgeworth dodged it and held his sword up to the laser beam, which sharpened the blade as it passed by.

"Hmph... how ironic," Edgeworth observed wisely, wisely observing the irony of the situation. "The laser merely sharpened my sword rather than killing me. How ironic." Then he used his laser-sharp sword expertly and with military precision to disember the John Policeman robots.

Damon Gant pressed a button on the side of his head and his eyes flew out. "Ha, surprised, Wright, or whoever you are?" Gant was also a robot now. "My eyes will make short work of you!" The eyes flew overhead and each fired a laser at Phoenix Phoenix.

But the hand controlled by John Phoenix caught the laser!

"How!" screamed Gant. "That's... That's impossible!" Robotic tears of anger and frustration flowed freely from his empty eye sockets.

Phoenix Phoenix smirked, but only with the right side of his face, so it looked like he'd had a stroke. "Catching this laser beam was simplicity in itself, Gant. You see, my aura slowed down the laser beam, and lasers can't kill you if they're frozen in time! Also my psychic powers allow me to hold it." Then Phoenix Phoenix handed the laser beam to the other hand and caught the 2nd laser.

"Don't you dare let me down, Uncle Phoenix," warned Phoenix Phoenix. Then Left Hand and Right Hand teamed-up and threw the laser beams at the same time. As the beams left the aura they sped up and destroyed both the robotic eyes!

Gant stumbled around blindly. "My eyes! No!" Godot seized his chance. He flew over the robots and slapped God's magic handcuffs on Gant! A bolt of lightning struck Gant and he was reduced to ash, and his soul was sent back to heaven.

"Game over, Gant," said Godot in a fairly cool way, hovering over the battle. "But if this was Gant, then who was that other person John Phoenix handcuffed on the way to LA?" But before he could ponder this very interesting question any further, von Robot fired off two more lasers and made holes in his wings! Godot screamed and plummeted to the rooftop and got stepped on by all the John Policemans.

"Damn, I've lost my son, my daughter, and now Gant!" said von Robot. "Now it's only me..." He decided now was the time to retreat. He activated the rocket engines and flew off into the sky.

Our heroes were finishing off the rest of the robots and Franziska was sitting on a John Policeman's chest and choking him to death with her whip when suddenly she looked up and saw her father making his escape.

"Father!" she cried. "Get back here!"

"So long, fools!" he laughed.

Phoenix Phoenix shook his fist and called out, "What did you do with my daughter, you robotic monster!"

"I had Gant kill her, Wright, just like I had him kill Principal Buddy Johnson! So long!" He became a mere speck in the sky and was gone.

Phoenix Wright screamed in agony and Phoenix Phoenix split apart violently and uncle and nephew were flung in opposite directions.

"Damn you, von Karma!" Phoenix Wright beat his hands against the ground. "Damn you!" He was so enraged and devastated that he began ripping out pieces of the roof with his bare hands and eating them. He had basically gone insane.

"No... I can't believe it..." muttered Franziska. "I can't believe father would kill a kid like that."

"Well, I hope you're happy, you bitch," said Godot. "You're also responsible for this. I'd go after him, but my wings are going to be out of commision for a while."

Miles Edgeworth turned to John Phoenix. "John Phoenix, you can fly can't you?"

"Yes, by using my psychic powers on my clothes and shoes, I can lift myself off the ground."

"Well, why not go after von Karma? Maybe you can still catch him."

John Phoenix shook his head. "His rockets make him go far too fast. He's probably in another state already. I'd never catch up to him. Besides, I don't really feel like it."

"It looks like von Robot has won for now," said the Judge sadly.

Everybody was sad over Trucy being dead, even John Phoenix, believe it or not, but then Gumshoe arrived on the roof with Trucy and another person.

"Hey pals" said Gumshoe. "I found Trucy and this other guy tied up in the secret hideout." Overjoyed, Phoenix ran over and embraced his adopted daughter.

"So she's alive after all," said Godot. "But why did Manfred lie?"

"I suppose he wanted to commit one more act of pointless cruelty before he made his exit," replied Edgeworth. "He just said she was dead to hurt Wright's feelings."

The other person stepped forward. He was an extremely thin, nude old man in a wizard hat with a long white beard that obscured his genitals.

"Hello," the man said. "My name is Merlin."

To be continued...