Choices:

By: Haruka S. Knight

Chapter Twelve: Regret and Consequences

Trigger Warnings:

Drug use.

Alcohol abuse.

Hinted discrimination against LGBTQ+.

Character death.

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Michiru heard a soft knock on her guest room door and set her violin gently aside with a curious look. Lunch had finished about 20 minutes ago, and she did not know who was looking for her. She opened the door and saw her father standing there with a troublemaking grin lighting up his face. Michiru could not help but smile as her Father whispered and clearly was trying not to be seen or heard.

"How would you like to escape?" Suguru asked his daughter. "Though we have to be quick, before your mother starts looking for me."

"What did you have in mind?" Michiru asked quietly, already turning to grab her purse and phone.

"Frozen yogurt?" Suguru noticed his daughter was smiling even more brightly as she came to join him in the hall.

Twenty minutes later found the father and daughter wandering through a local park with cold cups of frozen yogurt in hand. People dotted the park here and there having their own leisurely days. A gentle wind swept over the grass and pulled the occasional loose leaf from the trees. The weather was pleasant, though a bit cool as winter had not ended so long ago in Japan. Michiru felt like she was reliving some of her happy childhood memories of days out with her Father. The sound of children laughing as they played some game or other only coaxed those happy memories closer to the forefront of her mind.

"This is much better." Suguru said, enjoying the sunshine and the fresh air as they strolled. The sun glinted off his dark hair, making the gray area almost appear silver to his daughter's artist gaze.

"I've missed our outings." Michiru admitted with a grin.

"I have too, princess." He gently bumped his shoulder against her own, his tone taking on a very teasing tone. "I was thinking of trying to escape earlier, but someone has been a little busy with a certain young blonde man."

"Haruka and I are friends, Father."

"You like him though, don't you?" Suguru grinned when his daughter blushed and averted her eyes. She seemed to watch a nearby fountain as the water lapped gently in it. "Are you still against an arranged marriage?"

"Of course I am!" That brought her blue eyes back around to meet her Father's matching blue eyes. "This is all ridiculous."

"If I'm honest, I told your Mother the same several times." He saw hope flare in her eyes and gestured a bit helplessly. "Honey I have been trying to talk Saki out of this for about two months."

"Why did you agree to this before?" She raised an eyebrow as her Father shrugged.

"Yoshi, Haruka's father, and I were never very keen about this idea. Saki, Lin, and Maiko basically decided it and we just assumed they'd let it go before anyone came of age."

"Lin?"

"Tenoh Lin, Haruka's mother, was a very traditional woman. To her this whole thing made sense because she said she wanted to ensure her son would marry into a family with close ties."

"I don't even remember the Tenoh's before this trip, that doesn't seem close." Michiru commented. They came to a bench and Suguru gestured for her to have a seat.

"Our families were close before you were born. Yoshi was my best man when I married your mother." Suguru relaxed into his own seat on the bench. "He'd married Lin close to a decade before I married your mother, and they already had little Hiroshi who made an extremely cute ring bearer. The first mention of this arranged marriage idea came at the wedding reception, but it really came back up when Saki got pregnant. As I remember your Mother and Lin were pregnant the same year, though Haruka was born a few months before you were."

"So, they made this arrangement shortly before we were born?" Michiru turned the thought over in her head.

"As I said, they'd talked about the idea for a couple years before that. Even leading up to the time you were born I think they intended you to marry Hiroshi, they didn't mention Haruka very often." He sighed. "Lin had complications giving birth to Haruka, and she never truly recovered from that. The more health problems Lin suffered, the more the Tenoh's isolated themselves. After Lin's funeral we really only got holiday letters and occasionally Yoshi used to call me."

"What did he talk about?" She listened curiously as her father recounted things from both families she'd never heard before.

"Most of the time we spoke about current events or interesting historical facts. We also always talked about you kids." He laughed. "Has Haruka mentioned he plays the piano? Yoshi used to tell me all about Haruka's tournament wins, and Hiroshi's science fair awards. He was immensely proud of them both, I hope those two young men know that."

"Father." Michiru met his eyes again and her serious expression sobered him as well. "I won't marry Hiroshi, if Mother tries to insist, I will leave. I've been hoping she'd come to her senses about all of this."

"To be clear, if I could talk her into choosing Haruka you'd consider it?" Suguru watched his daughter rethink what she'd just said and suddenly avert her eyes. He laughed and moved to hug her. "I'll try to talk her out of it or failing that at least talk her into choosing Haruka instead of Hiroshi. I haven't missed just which Tenoh actually pays attention to you, and which Tenoh spends all his time putting on a show."

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"Haruka." Maiko's voice caused the blonde to halt mid step, she felt a mix of trepidation and amusement that her Grandmother got the drop on her again. "Come speak to me, dear." Maiko's tone, drifting through the slightly open door, sounded tired but welcoming.

"Are you alright, Grandma?" Haruka asked, as she pushed the door a bit and stepped fully inside the study. Maiko was sitting on the couch instead of in her normal chair, and she patted the seat beside her. Haruka closed the door and walked over to sit beside her Grandmother.

"Haru-chan, come give your old Grandma a hug." Maiko Sounded very tired as if she were at the end of an exceptionally long day. The blonde was concerned but obliged her grandmother with a gentle hug about the shoulders, while wondering to herself what could have happened this time. "I wanted to talk to you about something and I need you to be completely honest with your old grandmother."

"Okay." Haruka's tone was cautious and Maiko sighed, leaning against her granddaughter who was more than a head taller than her.

"You know that I wanted nothing but the best for yourself and your brother, don't you?" Her tone as she asked this was filled with unusual amounts of sadness. "I know there were times when I was hard on you both, but I only wanted to see you both succeed. You know that, don't you?"

"I've always believed that." Haruka hedged carefully around the answer and both heard and felt the elder Tenoh sigh in exasperation. "Honestly even when you were tough on me you were always far worse to him. Granted he's made some really bad choices, but I think he's been in pain for a long time."

"We've all been in pain dear, not just him."

"I know, however it always seemed like there was so much pressure placed upon Hiroshi. Pressure to move on, pressure about school, pressure about behavior. I could bring home C grades and he could bring B grades, somehow I would get rewarded while he got lectured."

"Oh you're exaggerating!" Maiko began to dismiss the idea, shifting away from her granddaughter to lean against the arm of the couch instead. The blonde looked to her grandmother and raised an eyebrow in silent inquiry. For a few moments Haruka silently stared and Maiko ignored her with a stubborn aura about her. After the silence had apparently stretched for too long the elder woman turned her eyes toward her granddaughter again and met her gaze with less confidence. "Is that truly what you think?"

"You asked me to be honest and I am being honest. I can show you my grade cards, and I'm sure with some work I could show you Hiroshi's as well." The blonde gave a helpless little shrug and a nervous smile. "I can't tell you what Hiroshi thinks, and I can't tell you what you were thinking, I can only tell you what it looked like to me."

"I know very well what Hiroshi thinks, thank you very much!" She crossed her arms and sounded mildly petulant. The blonde beside her suppressed her urge to give an argumentative response. She was not sure what exactly had inspired this conversation, however if Maiko wanted to hear her grandchildren out, Haruka was not going to pass up the opportunity.

"I know that you love us, and I trust that you would never intentionally harm us." Haruka asserted this in the most earnest and calming tone she could. "However, I also don't think you will like knowing what either of us were thinking or feeling about our lives at the time."

"You had a home, you had food, you had clothes, and everything else you could possibly need!" Maiko looked to her granddaughter, but she no longer seemed defiant, if anything she seemed nearly confused. She appeared to really be considering things. "I always thought that once you two were adults you would understand why I did the things I did. I thought that once you became adults, and had the responsibility that adults have, the two of you would look back and see that I had always wanted the best for both of you."

"For my part Grandmother, I do believe you wanted what you felt was best for everyone. I can't speak for how Hiroshi feels. I do know, that were I in his shoes, I would feel slighted and angry." Haruka allowed her eyes to drift over the various bookshelves in the room, almost afraid to meet Maiko's gaze, as she spoke. "He loved his art so much, and it seemed like I was the only one in the house willing to listen to him about it. I never understood why he had to go to medical school instead of arts school."

"Someone in the family needs to eventually join the hospital board." Maiko Informed Haruka, though her voice sounded less certain than it would have making the same statement a few hours ago.

"You don't have a medical degree and you have served as a board member for longer than I've been alive. Why did Hiroshi have to become a doctor to follow in your footsteps?" The blonde countered as neutrally as she could manage.

"He's meant to be following in your Grandfather's footsteps." She corrected the blonde again.

"Why did he need to follow in anyone's footsteps? I'm not following in anyone's footsteps. I'm not a historian like Father, or a doctor like Grandfather and Hiroshi. I didn't study business like you, and I didn't study child development like Mother. Why did Hiroshi have to take this path?"

"Haruka, I understood early on there was no taming you young lady. However, it is not the youngest child's responsibility to carry on the family name, or to head the family business." Maiko seemed to gaze off into the distance at something that was not there. They were quiet again for a few long moments, each looking at anything besides each other before Maiko sighed and spoke again. "Perhaps I could have listened more when the two of you spoke as teenagers, I only wanted what was best for all of you."

"I know."

"There is something else I wanted to speak about, or perhaps make clear." Maiko locked her gray eyes onto an old photo on the table near the couch. Haruka followed her gaze slowly and saw an old family photo. Maiko stood in the center, Yoshi stood to her right with his hands-on little Hiroshi's shoulders, and Lin stood to her left holding a baby Haruka. An image of happier times.

"What did you want to tell me?" Haruka asked, fully expecting some form of nostalgia or a tale about her mother from where Maiko's eyes rested. She was not prepared for what Maiko actually had in mind.

"I want you both to be happy, I want you to be happy wherever you find that happiness." There was a tone as Maiko said that, as if the words took energy to force herself to say, but they were also clearly sincere.

"I am happy, Grandma." Haruka tried to reassure her Grandmother, feeling increasingly anxious in this conversation. "I love my career and living away from the mansion has been good for me."

"Haruka." The way Maiko said her name silenced the blonde driver; it was a very serious tone. "I think you are aware, though I don't recall telling you, that I do not approve of certain lifestyle choices." Here she paused, and though her gray eyes were still on the picture, Haruka could feel Maiko's full attention on her. "However, I want you to be happy. I do not want you to spend your life alone."

"I don't think I understand what you're saying." Haruka felt numb to her very core, she had a theory on what Maiko meant and it was a subject the two never addressed.

"You were always such a stubborn child. You were so bright, so full of energy, adventurous." Maiko laughed at some thought that crossed her mind. "You could rarely sit still, until you started martial arts." She turned her gray eyes to regard her granddaughter again, giving her a very no-nonsense expression. "I always knew you were different, and I always knew there was nothing that would change that. Hiroshi I thought I could change, now I know I was wrong. The two of you weren't born to fit some mold, you were born to defy the expected."

"What are we talking about?" Haruka asked and saw a twitch of a wry smile briefly grace Maiko's expression.

"You enjoy Michiru-san's company, and I believe she enjoys your company as well." Maiko finally cut to the point and Haruka felt a burning sensation in her throat. "She does not appear to be the type to kiss just anyone."

"I . . ." The blonde was at a complete loss for words, she knew Maiko would not have come to that conclusion unless she'd seen them. She knew if she denied it she'd spark her Grandmother's temper, but she also knew her Grandmother was very traditional when it came to such things. "I . . ."

"You aren't listening, Haruka." Maiko reached over and patted the blonde's knee, nodding toward the picture again. "I have never expected you to be normal, you have always been something all your own. I made a mistake with Hiroshi some years ago, perhaps I have been making mistakes with both of you for years, but I only intended to guide you to happiness. I want you to find happiness, with whoever makes you happy, in your own way."

"What?" The blonde took a moment to slow her breathing, to center her mind as she processed that message. She realized Maiko was uncomfortable coming right out to say it, but the message was now clear. Maiko knew, and had known for a while it seemed, that Haruka was never going to settle for a man. Maiko had accepted that, which was honestly something Haruka could never have seen coming. Also, Maiko had seen Haruka and Michiru kiss, and that rattled the blonde deeply. She could not properly explain why, but the idea of Maiko seeing her kiss anyone was thoroughly uncomfortable and embarrassing. Beyond all of that however was another concern, one the blonde could not leave alone. "What do you mean you made a mistake with Hiroshi? What kind of mistake would come up in this line of thought?"

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The world was filled with flashing lights. Red, blue, white, red, blue, white, yellow? Hiroshi shut his eyes against the lights and ignored the noise. He simply could not care anymore; the sounds were not truly processing anyway. Voices? Maybe. His world was confusing, he was dizzy, he was lost.

Flashback:

"Time of death." The words echoed in Hiroshi's mind, long after he slammed out of the operating room and discarded his bloodied surgical gown, gloves, and other protective wear. Staff members had scattered to make way for Doctor Tenoh as he strode back to his private office, where he locked himself inside and shut out the world. He could not shut out his own mind however, no one could truly shut out their own mind.

"Time of death." His colleague's words echoed again in his mind, as if the man stood beside him repeating himself. Hiroshi pulled his pager from his belt and hurled it against the far wall of his office. The device made a sort of snap sound, rebounded from the wall, and clattered to the floor in multiple pieces. Hiroshi's back slammed against the door of his office, his hands fisting in his own hair, and he let out a sound of sheer pain and despondency before sliding down to the floor.

"Taka you bastard!" He growled to the empty office, tears pouring from his dark eyes unchecked. He pulled at his own hair, gasping for breath, feeling as if he were drowning. Hiroshi wished the floor would open and swallow him, pull him into a darkness where he could escape this waking nightmare. "Taka." His voice was strangled as he wept, unable to hold the tears in and unwilling to try to.

"Time of death." The voice rang in his mind again, the memory of the heart monitor flat lining. The frantic attempts to restart his heart, and the moment everyone finally knew there was no pulling the man back. Hiroshi wanted to scream right there, wanted to push the other doctor away and force life back into Taka's body. There was nothing, nothing left to be done. It was as if Taka's very soul had slipped from his body in that room, right through Hiroshi's shaking fingers.

"Oh God, oh God." Hiroshi was hit with another layer of grief as the guilt set in. Could he have saved him if he had been clean? Had he killed Taka? Hiroshi let loose another sound of pain, heartbreak, and wordless despondency. When he finally pulled himself from the floor it was only to ransack his own desk, dumping a deep drawer to expose a hidden stash of hard liquor. He did not bother with a cup; he twisted the cap off and tilted the bottle to his lips. He tried to drown his pain, to drown the memory of that room, of the warm blood on his surgical gloves. Drown the memory of Taka's pale face, his battered body on a surgical table, a respirator helping him breathe, the sound of the heart monitor flat lining.

End Flashback:

White light hit his closed eyes, pulling Hiroshi from the memories, and causing him to groan in pain. Someone yelled as his dark eyes slowly opened to try to process the world about him. Sirens, red light, blue light, yellow light, white light. . . A seatbelt dug into his shoulder and chest painfully, suspending him upside down in his driver's seat. He could not see the steering wheel past his deflating air bag, but he could see his shattered windshield. Glass was everywhere, and there was smoke, and he squinted trying to determine if that was a large pole far too close to what was left of his windshield. His ears were weird, he heard yelling, but it was as if he was hearing it underwater. The smoke was catching the various lights, and legs were swiftly moving about outside the windows. That white light, a flashlight beam in the darkness, was on his face again. He groaned, managing to look at the face of a firefighter who was saying something he did not hear.

The next thing he was aware of was sparks raining about, and something creating a loud metal on metal sound. He closed his eyes, fading out to where he did not feel the pain or smell the smoke. All too soon however hands on him brought him back to the world of smoke, and lights, and firefighters. He could not follow the sequence of events, but somehow, he was cut free of his seatbelt and pulled from the car. He was carried swiftly away from the remains of a car, his car? There was fire, and so many lights it was dizzying. He felt he blinked, and his world had changed again. He was strapped to a gurney; he could not move his neck, but he felt a plastic collar about it. He seemed to be looking at the ceiling of an ambulance and judging by the occasional sway they were in motion. The light was all white here, no red, no blue, no yellow, just white. A medic leaned over his face, speaking but Hiroshi did not really hear him. Hiroshi shut his eyes again, embracing the darkness and willing it to take him away.

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