Chapter Fourteen: Gold On Your Scars
Judy closes the refrigerator and pauses for a moment, listening.
At first it's just two mere distant notes, alternating in a simple melody that foreshadows a poetic sequel. She takes one last look to make sure she hasn't forgotten something on the kitchen counter, just before cluttered with shopping bags, and turning off the lights behind her, she makes her way up the stairs, towards the bedroom.
Other notes are added little by little and the music becomes more refined. She doesn't know much about it, but it seems to her that the only instrument used is a cello, or rather, a chorus of cellos. Maybe a violin, too? The melody comes from the bathroom, which is partially lit.
She doesn't know what kind of music it is, but it's very emotional, a little melancholy, but wonderfully romantic.
"Jen?", she calls knocking on the bathroom door.
"Come in", the blonde slurs with her toothbrush between her teeth and her mouth full of foam.
Judy appears in the reflection of the mirror, next to the woman she loves.
The moments in the evening and those in the morning are and will always be her favorites, and it's not just because she can have her all to herself. But because she can see her in all her natural beauty, completely make-up-free and free to feel at ease even if only in a pair of loose, washed-out pants and a T-shirt with a hole in one sleeve.
Tonight Jen is simply wrapped in her bathrobe, her hair pulled up in a messy bun. And she looks beautiful as she smiles at her, fills her mouth to rinse the foam off her teeth, stows her toothbrush, and makes a funny face at her in the mirror.
"What's this music?", Judy asks as she preps her toothbrush.
"I wanted to thank you," Jen answers her simply.
"For what?", she asks taking the toothbrush out of her mouth for a moment.
"For everything you've done for me, especially lately", Jen hugs her from behind and kisses her cheek and then her neck. She rests her chin on his shoulder and cradles her looking at her in the mirror, waiting for her to finish.
"And you think you just need some stupid little music, to thank me?", the brunette retorts in a joking tone. "And you didn't answer me anyway", she adds turning around to face her.
"Um, T.J. Peterson, he's the composer, and the album's called…", she's forced to extend a hand toward her cell phone, "Petrichor," she declares. "Nice, isn't it? I was looking for something relaxing for your bath", she adds moving away from her and guiding her towards the tub.
Judy was so focused on Jen when she entered the bathroom that she didn't pay the slightest attention to that side of the room. The tub is filled with water made bluish by bath salts and steaming, on the window sill are neatly arranged three scented candles already lit.
"Oh, Jen!", the brunette exclaims in surprise.
"Come on, go change before it gets cold", she prods her handing her another robe. "What do you prefer, coconut or white musk?", she asks as she watches her disappear past the doors into the bedroom.
"Coconut, thank you," Jen smiles, she knew she' d choose coconut. She opens the cabinet and grabs a few bottles of the same brand and line and puts them up in a corner on the edge of the tub. She sits in it and feels the temperature of the water, just as the brunette walks back in, wrapped in her bathrobe.
"Come on, dive in and relax", she smiles raising her face to her.
"Hey, wait a minute, aren't you joining me?", Judy protests.
"I took a shower right now", Jen replies, uncomfortable. Screw her fucking traumas!
"Come on! You can't leave me alone inside that huge tub!", the other insists, sensing the blonde's distress. She wraps her arms around her neck and draws her to herself, she leans down to look at her exhibiting a pair of needy big eyes, "Come on... I've had a bad day", she ventures causing her to burst out laughing.
"Hey, you haven't!", Jen retorts amused by the failed attempt to pity her. She closes her eyes surrendering to Judy's caress.
"Is that what this is about?", Judy asks her softly slipping a finger just below her neck and continuing no further.
Jen waves avoiding his gaze, afraid of disappointing her and pissed at herself for the internal battle between her desires and the fucking blocks left by a past she refuses to remember right now.
"It's okay, baby", Judy reassures her gently.
"No, it's not fucking okay", she protests, still with her head down. She wants to get in the fucking tub with Judy, yet something still blocks her! Fucking frustrating.
"Come on, come with me for a second", she offers, taking her by the hand and waiting for her to get up from the edge of the tub. She guides her over to the large mirror above the sink and looks at her through the reflective surface.
"What do you see, Jen?"
"A dickhead", the other replies seriously with bright eyes.
Judy doesn't mind the answer, she clasps her hands on her shoulders and, still through the mirror, speaks to her.
"I see a woman in the peak of her beauty. A gorgeous woman with two amazing eyes, today they are blue, but they change depending on the weather. When it's very sunny they almost come to be green, when it rains they look almost gray. One thing never changes. The golden straws around the pupils", Judy tells her in a soft voice.
"You're making that up, you can't possibly see all these things from three feet away!", Jen protests, caught in a touched embarrassment.
"I don't need to, Jen, I know them by heart, your eyes", the brunette replies confidently, "Just as I know by heart that lovely scar you have at the base of your left eyebrow", she watches her blush, "As well as the myriad of freckles that cover your shoulders", a finger anchors itself to the edge of her robe, just at the level of her right shoulder, and Judy uncovers a bit of skin.
Jen doesn't protest, but surrenders to the touch, it's impossible to resist at this point. Judy always knows how to gently take any of her defenses and break them down like child's play. Her light fingers brushing her flesh cause pleasant surface shivers and at the same time an inner heat that finally concentrates in her lower belly.
Emboldened, Judy uncovers the other shoulder as well. Her fingertips lightly brush her, she looks away from the mirror to focus on her own hand movements, notices goose bumps forming under her stroke, and places her lips in a soft kiss. Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Jen close her eyelids and relax under her touch.
"May I?", she asks her softly under her breath, moving her hands to the front of her robe, simultaneously brushing against the skin beneath. They exchange a look full of meaning, and Jen nods almost imperceptibly. Judy gently opens her robe, keeping looking into her eyes with a reassuring expression.
"I love you, Jen", she promises her, before turning back to the mirror.
"I see a well toned body, awesome skin, and yes, scars on your breasts, beautiful scars, Jen. They are the fruits of a huge sacrifice. You gave away such an important part of yourself in order to keep taking care of the people you love. Your renunciation is gold on your scars, never be ashamed of these wounds, even these make you the incredible and gorgeous woman you are, Jen", she turns back to her and waits for her to look back at her.
"Like one of those ceramic artifacts put back together by highlighting the conjunctions with gold, the Japanese technique of kintsugi, which makes them even more unique and precious", she says, smiling lovingly.
"I love you Jen, with all that you are and with all that you carry", she whispers wiping a tear from her face. Jen smiles at her, touched.
"Come on, before this water get cold", Jen recovers taking her hand and guiding her to the opposite side of the room.
The gentle, emotional music is partially covered by the splashing sound of moving water as Jen and Judy plunge into it. To make Jen more comfortable, Judy sits behind her and lets the blonde rest her back on her torso.
The mutual sight of their naked bodies has gone almost unnoticed by them, veiled by looks full of devotion and reverence to each other. But now, the skin-on-skin contact awakens a new level of consciousness in them both. They both can't suppress a moan as Jen snuggles into Judy's arms.
Jen's first reaction, totally involuntary, is the instantaneous relaxation of every muscle, so much so that Judy has to hold her up so that she doesn't slip with her head underwater. They laugh together as they settle into a more stable position. The warmth of the water lifts a light haze of steam from their wet bodies.
"Fucking beautiful", Jen whispers caught in a quiver.
"Yeah", Judy replies in a soft voice brushing the blonde's shoulders. Slender fingers slowly slide down her arms, until Jen takes her hands between her own, intertwining their fingers together. The feel of Judy's fingers, free of all her rings, is a delightful anticipation of the immediate future.
"Thank you Jen, for this whole day, for this bath, the candles, the music, but most of all for being here with me", the brunette tells her brushing her ear with her lips. Jen tightens her grip on her hands as a chill runs down her spine.
"The music's nice, huh?", the blonde shifts the conversation to force herself to extend the moment of anticipation. Yes it's true, they've waited long enough, but on second thought, it was fucking worth it. Weeks lingering together around each other, increasingly aware of how it would end. All in all, one good thing about the crash had been that it had forced them to "slow down." -what's the word? It's not the goal, it's the journey-? And what a fucking journey!
"Much better than 'I'm the ghost, you're the night. I'm the shadow, you're the light'", Judy hums close to her ear.
"Hey! That's our song!", Jen protests, pretending to be offended.
"Our song?", Judy asks her, starting to slowly play with their hands, intentionally.
"Um... too aggressive?", Jen jokes with her gaze fixed on her hands.
"Do you know what petrichor is?", a moment of silence falls between the two, before Jen begins to actively participate, as if to resume what they had interrupted in Lorna's office and which the crash had put a stop to.
"What is this, Latin?", Jen asks resorting to the shred of concentration that manages to save herself from the tumult of sensations triggered by tactile sensations.
"Maybe, I'm not sure. But anyway, it's the scent of the arid ground at the first drops of rain", Judy explains in a soft voice, gently kissing one of her shoulders and smiling at the sound of a new moan that escaped Jen. "It's one of the most recognizable scents to human olfactory receptors, something atavistic", the brunette continues, following up by brushing the skin beneath her lips and inhaling sonorously.
The sight and touch of their hands brushing against each other is no longer enough for her. Jen wants to feel those hands on her flesh, but before she can intervene, Judy has already let them go, placing her palms on her hips. Jen anchors herself with hers at the brunette's knees and searches for her lips by turning to the side.
"I love you, Jude", she manages to whisper just before the other silences her with a kiss. The hands on her hips slowly move to her belly and the desire intensifies. For the first time they let go of a longer, more intense, deeper kiss, savoring each other.
For a moment Jen is afraid she is dreaming, so incredible does it seem to her to be experiencing all this with Judy. To having Judy even like this. The thought invades her whole body saturating it with a sensation that is a mixture of reverence, love, tenderness, desire, passion. Every cell of her body vibrates and pulses and in a way hurts, but in a delicious way.
And Jen knows where she wants Judy's hands right now, she pulls away from her lips and looking into her eyes slides her fingers over Judy's wrists and guides her higher, to her own breasts. The sensation at first contact makes her loose control momentarily, she closes her eyes exhaling a deep moan, bends her head back, resting the back of her head on the brunette's shoulder, kissing her on her fully exposed neck.
Jen's response releases the excitement between her legs. The sensation of her nipples swelling under her palms almost makes her climax. She can't hold back her hips, which instinctively thrust forward demanding contact with Jen's body and she feels her move backwards expressing the same desperate need.
"Judy," Jen exhales torn between urgency and the need to stop her.
She always loved the sound her name makes when it comes out of Jen's mouth. But the way Jen pronounces it right now almost sends her over the edge, and she gently sinks her teeth into her flesh just before regaining control to look at her.
When the brunette pulls her lips away from her skin, the look in her eyes almost makes her abandon all purpose and she can't resist the urge to kiss her again, to feel her soft tongue once again.
"Not here love", she murmurs panting under her lips.
A trail of messy wet footprints highlights the long path through the bedroom.
"This house is too fucking big", Jen mutters between kisses. Judy moans, smiling between their lips, her fists clenched in the fabric around them.
"When the kids will be in college we're moving into a one-room apartment", Jen proposes, frustrated by how fucking long it's taking them to get where they're heading. For a moment she regrets her decision to get to the bed. But she wants it to be there. They both want it. It has to happen there.
"You want to switch to minimalism?", Judy teases with a giggle, eyeing the soft sheets, now just a few steps away from them.
"Yeah, you know, less is more shit", the blonde mumbles stopping right in front of their goal. She kisses Judy tenderly, gently releasing her hair from the band that holds it.
"Well, maybe we'll leave the minimalism to the future", she adds, spreading her robe across the front. She closes her eyes as Judy brings her hands to her head to undo the already disheveled bun.
Judy feels like time slows down suddenly as she watches the spectacle of Jen's blonde hair falling softly over her shoulders once freed from its restraints. She disposes of her own robe and soon after Jen's as they lose themselves in another passionate kiss.
She drops onto the bed and carefully guides Jen with her until she finds herself with her head sunk into the pillows and the woman she loves astride her, her hair tickling her shoulders. Their bodies inches from each other, an electric heat in that chink between skin and skin.
She lifts herself up to sit, raising her face so she can look at her. "I can assure you that sometimes less can be more than enough even now", Judy challenges her, cupping her hands on her hips.
Jen caresses her face, feeling her own arousal between her legs and fighting the urge to sit on Judy and hold her with all her might, to not leave an inch of her own skin exposed from hers. She needs to look into her eyes, needs her to see how much she wants her.
"Prove it"
There is no background music, no more, for them, just the sound of the fabric of the sheets, moved and torn by their bodies in motion, of moans, of sighs, of confused and intense kisses.
"Jen" and "Judy" are the only words they manage to pronounce, they come out choked at irregular intervals, as if calling out to each other would serve them to make sure that this is really happening.