Author's note: another long chapter! There should only be one more and then a possible epilog. Thank you again for taking this journey with me.
Chapter 34
Morning came and neither Clarke nor Lexa wanted to get out of bed. They lay there for more minutes than necessary, just holding each other and pretending to be asleep, dreading what needed to be addressed today. Finally, Clarke got up, needing to check on Emory. Lexa also got up and both dressed. Given the formality of what needed to be done, especially given the need for witnesses, Clarke stared at her clothes for far too long trying to figure out which were the best ones to wear. What she'd worn yesterday seemed wholly inadequate today, especially after her dream. She didn't believe that the nightmare would ever really happen, but it was still messing with her confidence.
Lexa came up behind her and asked her what was wrong. She frowned at her clothes and Lexa just nodded. She reached passed Clarke and pulled out an outfit that she hoped Clarke would both like and feel comfortable in. Clarke gave her a small smile, averting her eyes.
Lexa gently lifted her chin, "Whatever happens today, we're okay. Worst case scenario, we come back here and argue about it. We've yelled at each other before." Clarke gave her another small smile and nodded before Lexa placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
They dressed and then Clarke went to Murphy and Emory's room, peeking in to not wake them if they were still asleep. Neither was, Emory sitting up on the bed and Murphy lounging next to her, insisting that she keep drinking the brew.
Clarke said a simple Hello and came in. She checked Emory over and made small talk about their plans for the day. Murphy didn't want to leave Emory alone for even a minute, even as Emory insisted she would be fine, a bit of nerves in her voice betraying her words.
"You should probably be able to get up and walk around today," Clarke said after checking that the wound was healing well and there weren't signs of infection. "As long as you don't overdo it, you should be fine. When you get to the trading post, you should sit down, though."
That seemed like a good compromise, after Murphy drilled Clarke for what all Emory should and shouldn't do, as well as what he should look for for warning signs.
Clarke went back to her room and found some comfy clothes for Emory; her other ones had been caked with blood and shredded from the sword. She'd brought a loose shirt for her last night, but Emory would probably appreciate real clothes when in Polis. She brought them back and helped her dress. She had a few hours to kill before the official meeting with Lexa, so she decided to go down to the trading post with them.
Octavia and Lincoln met her in the hall and then they all set off. She brought a cloak for Emory that would provide both warmth and a way to inconspicuously keep her hand hidden. No one took much note of the two extra people with Wanheda and her guards. They made it to the trading post with no issues. Raven and Monty were already up and tinkering with various things. Raven grabbed a stool and told Emory to sit, as Bellamy and Echo came down the stairs. Murphy gave them a look, putting the pieces together. It seems Bellamy and his little sister weren't that different.
Time went too quickly for Clarke's liking and soon it was time to go to the throne room. Indra would meet her there. After trying to tell the others that it wasn't necessary for them to come, and still refusing to go into detail about what she chose as punishment, she finally relented and allowed the others to come. She reminded them that they had agreed to let her decide what to do with Pike and Johnson, even if they were against it, and mentioned that Indra had agreed on behalf of Trikru.
She hadn't been this nervous to stand in front of Lexa since she had first met her. It was easy to forget how formidable Lexa looked just sitting, looking almost bored, on her throne. Clarke had to remind herself that this was still her Lexa, still the woman she spent every night with, who had stayed with her through more than most.
"We are here to discuss the fates of Mark Johnson kom Skaikru and Charles Pike kom Skaikru for their crimes against the coalition, Trikru, and Wanheda. As Heda, I have chosen to let their punishment for these crimes be determined by Indra kom Trikru and Wanheda. I understand that Trikru and Wanheda have come to an agreement for what should be done?" Lexa kept things formal. Both Clarke and Indra responded respectfully with a, "Yes, Heda," before Lexa continued, "Regarding Mark Johnson, what is your decision?" Lexa looked pointedly at Clarke. She thought about Clarke's dream, wondering how much she would dislike what Clarke had chosen. She knew it would never be bad enough for her to ever kick Clarke out of their bed, but that didn't mean it wouldn't still upset her. She kept her Heda mask firmly in place as she waited for Clarke's answer.
"Death by a Thousand Cuts. We believe that the severity of his actions and his lack of remorse make him a danger to society. We choose death," Clarke spoke clearly, her face remaining stoic.
Lexa nodded. This was the accepted punishment, so it obviously wasn't Johnson's punishment that would cause her issue, "And what of Charles Pike?"
She saw a flash of fear in Clarke' eyes for just a second and forced her face to remain impassive. Whatever Clarke chose, she would honor it, no matter how much she hated it.
"We wish for him to join Trikru."
Lexa raised an eyebrow and looked towards Indra, "Your agreed upon punishment is to take Charles Pike in as one of your own?" There was a flash of anger in Lexa's eyes; joining her birth clan should be considered an honor, not a punishment. When neither Clarke nor Indra seemed eager to speak, she simply said, in a fairly harsh tone, her eyes narrowing, "Explain."
"We believe there is a chance for redemption for him. His actions were abhorrent, but he truly believed that his people's lives were in danger," Clarke paused as Lexa turned her eyes to her, her eyes flashing with anger, before taking a silent breath and continuing. "He has shown remorse for his actions. He will be taken on as a Second to Indra, to be trained in Trikru traditions, as well as coalition laws, and eventually become a teacher to Trikru students. He will be held to a high standard and will not be allowed to even see Skaikru unless Indra allows it. He will never be allowed to return to them."
Lexa turned her glare onto Indra, "You have agreed to this?" There was an accusation in her tone, but she schooled her features. Indra held her head up a little higher as she gave a small nod.
"Forgive me, but I thought we were discussing Charles Pike's punishment, not considering honoring him by allowing him to join Trikru," Lexa said, rising from her throne, taking a moment to compose herself. "How can you ensure that he will not try to harm someone in your village? How will you ensure that he will not try to run away?"
"With Indra has his mentor, he will be under her guard and guidance. Making him a Second at his age, and with his previous leadership experience, will be seen as a punishment to him. If he can be redeemed, then he will understand the great honor that he is being given, but he won't agree to it or understand it for a long time. To him, forcing him to join those he considered his enemy will be seen as a worse punishment than death," Clarke said, her voice and face remaining impassive as she internally wrestled with her own fear and doubt that she was doing the right thing. She continued, "If Charles Pike steps out of line or attempts to harm someone or run away, Indra will be allowed to punish him at her discretion, including taking his life if she believes that that is the best punishment."
Lexa faced them, her face stull impassive, "I do not like it, but I agreed that you can choose his punishment. However, he will not join Trikru until after Mark Johnson has been executed. He will not participate in it, but he will witness it, knowing he is partly responsible for his death and is responsible for the actions he allowed Johnson to take against Wanheda. He will witness the consequences for Mark Johnson, knowing he deserves the same. Then, he may go to Trikru, but I expect frequent updates. If he harms anyone, that will be on your head and you will be held accountable for it. You will take his punishment for him, Wanheda."
Indra and Clark nodded and said, "Yes, Heda." Clarke was trying to control her shaking. It had gone better than she had expected, though she knew she and Lexa would likely have to talk about it more in depth later. Blood must not have blood could only work if there was a chance for redemption, as painful as it was.
Lexa sat back on her throne, "It is decided. Bring the men up from the cells. We will set the date of execution for Johnson for three days to give time for all who will need to participate to get here."
Clarke stole a glance at her friends. They wore a mixture of shock and anger on their faces. She could tell that Raven, Bellamy, and Octavia wanted to speak, likely to argue with Pike's punishment, but they understood that this was not the time or place. She would also likely have to deal with them later, as well. However, if Pike responded as she believed he would, they would see why this was a punishment to him, worse than death.
Lexa spared Clarke a glance as she heard the men being brought up. While Clarke had seen Pike in his cell here and there, she had only managed to try to confront Johnson once. It went about how they expected. Johnson made comments, intentionally trying to trigger or intimidate Clarke. She remained strong the entire time before breaking down back in the safety of their room. That was when Lexa had unofficially banned her from the cells. She had barely restrained herself from ending his life when she heard the vile things he was saying to Clarke; she couldn't listen to him say anything like that again and couldn't bear the thought of Clarke hearing it alone.
Clarke stood just a little more stiffly, her eyes coming to Lexa's for a moment. She was strong. She could remain strong until she was back in her room as long as Lexa didn't do what she had done in her dream. Since she had already gotten Lexa to agree to Pike's punishment, she doubted that was the case. So, she could be strong for the next few minutes, and the next few days, until this was finally over.
Johnson fought the guards slightly as he was brought in: he knew what his fate would be and still had enough will to live to try, in vain, to fight.
Pike walked in without a fuss, his head remaining down. He also knew, or believed he knew, what his fate was and was ready for it.
Johnson's knees were kicked out behind him, forcing him to kneel. Pike just kneeled on his own, head still low. Johnson had tried to talk to Pike, throwing the blame on him, trying to plot an escape, in the cells, but Pike had already become a master at silence. He heard everything, but didn't react, until Johnson finally stopped talking to him.
"Mark Johnson, Charles Pike, you have been found guilty for your crimes against the coalition, Trikru, and Wanheda. Your punishment has been decided. Do you have anything to say in your defense?" Lexa stood tall in front of them, Clarke slightly behind her and to the side.
"Bitch got what she deserved. I just wish I'd finished the job," Johnson smirked at Clarke. Lexa's eyes flashed in anger. She was about to speak, when the typically silent Pike spoke.
"No, we will get what we deserve. What I let you do to her is my greatest regret. I let you do it, I didn't stop it, but she didn't deserve any of it. I didn't know how sick you were and I gave you a victim. I should have never left you alone with her…I should have listened to her. The world will be a better place with us gone," Pike said to Johnson, his voice only showing a hint of emotion. He then turned to Lexa, "I accept the punishment. I will never say I'm sorry because it can never cover what I've done, but what I did and what I allowed to happen…it is my greatest regret."
He never looked at Clarke. He couldn't. On the Ark, she had been his star student. Not only that, he liked her. He liked her parents. He loved that spirit in her and had helped to foster it. And then he had come to Earth and faced real Earth skills. Where she had excelled and adjusted, he had become consumed with fear and hate. So much so that he had allowed her to be destroyed. Yet, she still survived, still adjusted, still looked out for her people.
Lexa rounded on them both. Johnson's smirk turned into a glare, "I wish I'd had a chance at you," he said boldly to Lexa. She met his eyes as he continued knowingly digging his own grave, "We had really hoped you would have come with Clarke back to Arkadia. We would have taken both of you." He licked his lips, thinking about what he would have done to both the Commander and Clarke, grinning sickly. He then looked at Octavia, "I wanted to take her, too, but Emerson only wanted Clarke and you. Since you weren't there, we just took her. Are you sure you don't want to give me a few more minutes alone with her?" He gave her a large grin, like a Cheshire cat.
He was baiting Lexa and she knew it. He was hoping to make her angry enough to kill him right then and there. He had no doubt heard of what punishment awaited him and a quick death from an angry Heda would be much preferable. She didn't give into the bait.
"As tempting as it is to allow Wanheda to have a few minutes alone with you, without the aid of your tech or bonds, that is not your fate and you should be grateful for that small mercy," her voice didn't even hint at the rage his words incited in her, "Your fate is Death by a Thousand Cuts. It will occur in three days. Take him back to his cell; he has said enough."
The guards drug him away as he let out a manic laugh. Lexa took a few seconds to close her eyes and compose herself, sparring a glance at Clarke. Clarke held her head high, but her posture was stiff. Neither had forgotten the dreams where Lexa was in Clarke's place and Clarke was forced to watch, nor the dreams where Lexa was forced to watch what they did to Clarke. Had Lexa given in and done what she had wanted, had accompanied her to Arkadia, that nightmare would have come true. Just as it hadn't been missed by Lexa, she knew Clarke had caught on, too.
Their eyes met and Lexa implored Clarke with her eyes to be strong just a little longer, even with the knowledge of what they had initially planned. Clarke gave a barely perceptible nod; she could hold on a little longer, though she was starting to shake. She forced herself to put what Johnson had said to the back of her mind; they needed to focus on Pike now.
"Charles Pike," Lexa stood in front of him. He didn't look up and she didn't expect him to. Not yet. "You also deserve the same death as Mark Johnson." She paused and watched as the man sighed and nodded. She was starting to see what Clarke had meant about his remorse and possible redemption. While Johnson had tried to bait them to get a quick death, Pike fully accepted not only the punishment, but that he deserved it.
"But that won't be your fate. What you did was unforgivable and despicable. If the choice were up to me alone, you would experience the pain of that death a thousand times over. However," she paced slightly in front of him, noting that his breathing has changed, "Wanheda somehow still sees something worth the chance for redemption in you."
She motioned for the guard to lift him to his feet. She wanted to look into his eyes when she told him of his fate, "You will watch Mark Johnson meet his fate, knowing you led him to that fate, knowing you deserve the same."
He met her eyes, confusion and fear mixed in them. She held his gaze, letting him see both her despise for him and her resignation to what had been decided.
Finally, she continued, "Then, you will go with Indra kom Trikru to her village where you will train as her Second. She will control your fate and you will honor her as a child honors their teacher. You will never be allowed to return to your people; you are dead to them. You are also not allowed to end your own life or run away. If you do, if you step out of line and break coalition laws, then Clarke kom Skaikru will take your punishment. If you are truly sorry for what you have done, you will not risk her life. The same will occur if you refuse this."
Pike's eyebrows rose, his face contorted in pain. He let out a grief-stricken, "No," ready to argue for his own death, until the Commander informed him that Clarke would pay the price for his refusal. Then, he sobbed, falling to his knees. He wanted to argue, to beg for his deserved punishment, but his guilt wouldn't allow him to. Lexa gave the order for him to be returned to his cell and they all watched as the crying man was drug away.
"Their fates have been set. At sunrise in three days' time, they will be fulfilled. Go. Contact the necessary parties. This meeting is done," Lexa went and sat back on her throne, hating herself for having to include Clarke in consequences for Pike and praying she wouldn't have to fulfill them. She knew she would have to; she had made the claim with witnesses and could not appear weak by refusing to do so. She was feeling both fear, and the accompanying anger, at being put in the position of punishing Clarke.
The inhabitants of the room respectively said their farewells and left, leaving Lexa with only her guards, Titus, and the remaining Skaikru. She almost felt bad about turning Clarke over to their wrath. Almost.
"Go, all of you, and radio Skaikru to tell them of what has been decided. Have them come as quickly as possible. They must be here when Johnson meets his fate," she dismissed them, refusing to meet Clarke's eyes, "I will check in on their plans this afternoon. There is still more business to be addressed here." The last part was only half-true, but she needed some time to calm herself down.
Skaikru nodded and Octavia actually grabbed Clarke to pull her out of the room, her anger palpable. She gave a slight glare to Indra in the hall for agreeing to Clarke's plan, before pulling Clarke into the waiting lift, the others filing in behind her, all of them refusing to look at Clarke or even speak to each other.
She pulled Clarke into Raven's room, allowing the others to enter, before slamming the door. She never let go of Clarke's arm. She wasn't overly rough, but she made sure Clarke couldn't easily get out of her grasp. Her anger was tempered slightly as she felt how hard Clarke had started shaking. She pulled her towards the small sofa and ordered her to sit, finally letting go of her arm. Then, she crossed her arms over her chest and paced, the others standing around looking both angry and uncomfortable.
Pacing wasn't helping her anger. In fact, it was making it worse now that she didn't have the physical reminder of Clarke's shaking, but she forced herself to withhold it for now, the words Johnson had said popping back into her head.
She chose instead to go and sit next to Clarke, noticing her shaking had intensified. Clarke was close to breaking down and didn't need an audience, "Everyone but Bellamy, Raven, and Lincoln: out. Go radio Kane and tell him what happened. At minimum, he and Abby need to come. Make sure they understand that they aren't just coming to witness it; they need to participate or it will be bad for Skaikru. Now get out." No one argued, casting a glance back at Clarke, who still refused to look up.
Raven caught onto what was about to happen before the others, having seen Clarke after she'd visited the cells alone and knowing the signs. She grabbed the bucket and sat it in front of Clarke just before she started emptying her stomach. She held her hair back and Octavia gently rubbed her back, Bellamy and Lincoln averting their eyes, knowing she wouldn't like them seeing her like this.
They didn't speak any comforting words, their anger still too intense, but their body language and actions still relaying their love for her. As usual, once she had nothing left inside of her, her body devolved into gasping sobs, the shaking intensifying. Bellamy wetted a cloth from the pitcher in the room and handed it to Octavia, who gently wiped Clarke's face. Then, Raven pulled Clarke into her arms and let her cry.
Now that it was over, Clarke couldn't ignore what Johnson and Emerson had planned. Images from both her dreams and her imagination filled her head of Lexa being tortured in front of her, of Lexa being forced to watch as Johnson violated her. She had come so close to giving in and asking Lexa to accompany her when she had gone to Arkadia. Lexa was replaced with Octavia in her mind and she continued to shake and cry. They had already done so much damage, but what more they could have done…it was too much.
Finally, after her tears had slowed and turned into hiccups, she pulled away from the embrace of Raven and Octavia. They were still angry with her for Pike's punishment, but they cared enough to not address it until Clarke was capable. Bellamy rinsed out the cloth and handed it back to Octavia, who gently washed the tears from Clarke's face, still glaring as she did the kind act.
Clarke worked hard at controlling her emotions, reminding herself that Johnson and Emerson had failed at their plan. They'd left Octavia and Lexa hadn't come with her. They hadn't even had a chance to do more than put killmarks on her before Murphy found her. It had ended with Johnson being captured and Emerson dead.
"How the hell did you convince Indra to agree to your plan?" Octavia finally broke the silence.
Clarke laughed through her tears and she sighed before answering, "It took a lot of work and a few death threats from her."
"You basically just let him go, Clarke. How is that a punishment?" Raven said.
"To him, it's a punishment," she sighed, finally allowing herself to meet her friends' eyes before continuing, "We've all done things to save our people that we regret, that we wish we could undo. Pike's no different."
Bellamy glared at her. They all glared at her, with the exception of Lincoln, who just looked worried.
"Yeah, we've done things to save our people, but there's a line. What he let happen…we've never done that," Octavia said, anger in her voice.
"Haven't we? Didn't we tie Lincoln up in the dropship and torture him? Send Emerson back with barely enough oxygen? Kill the innocent?" Clarke took a deep breath. "Maybe most of those were just me." She looked down then.
"They weren't just you, Clarke," Bellamy said with a hard tone.
"So, why is what I did justifiable, but what he did not worth the chance for redemption?" the innate strength that Clarke possessed made itself known in her words.
"You know why it's not the same, Clarke," Octavia growled out, "The things they did to you…it's not the same."
"Maybe. Maybe not, but sentencing him to death wasn't the right choice," she said resolutely.
"So, because you still hold onto your guilt over everything you've done, Pike gets a free pass?" Raven said.
"And you get punished for his behavior? Clarke, that's insane," Bellamy said, running his hands over his face at the thought of Clarke being hurt again.
"Why does he deserve punishment when I don't? I've killed a lot more people than he has. We were both trying to save our people," Clarke said, hardening her face.
"But you actually did save your people. He got people killed and tried to start a war we couldn't win," Octavia said.
"So did I!" Clarke raised her hands exasperation, "How many people did I get killed in our side? We lost half of the original hundred! More than half now!"
"But that's not all on you, Clarke," Raven said, softening slightly.
"Isn't it?" Clarke met her eyes.
"It isn't, but that doesn't matter. Does Lexa really think we'll just stand by and watch you get punished for Pike?" Octavia implored.
"Yes, and you will. It's already been decided," Clarke stated plainly.
"No. You're the wronged party here. How is it any type of justice for you to take his punishment for what he did to you? Clarke! That's insane," Bellamy said, pacing the room.
Clarke sighed, "If Pike messes up, I will be the one punished and you won't do anything to try to stop it."
They all glared at her before Bellamy spoke again, "Just because you still feel guilty for the things you've done and feel like you should be punished doesn't mean that we just stand by and let it happen. Haven't you been punished enough? Are you sure this isn't just a roundabout way to kill yourself?"
The tears pricked at Clarke's eyes. That wasn't her intent at all. She was trying to do what she had implored Lexa to do since their first meeting: show mercy when mercy wasn't deserved. How could she ask Lexa to do that when she wasn't willing to do that herself?
"That's not why I did it, Bellamy," she said, her voice low.
"Then why?" Octavia asked, her own tears pricking at her eyes, "Why would you risk yourself like that?"
"Because I hope that he can come back from this. That he's actually sorry enough to accept it and not step out of line. My hope is that Lexa won't have to follow through on that part because Pike won't step out of line," she met Bellamy's eyes, hoping he saw the truth in her words and didn't still think she was trying to off herself.
He sighed, "I fucking hate it, Clarke."
"I know," she said in a small voice, "a big part of me hates it, too. That's why I chose Indra. If anyone can keep him in line, it's her."
Octavia sighed. She knew the truth of that. Then her mind went to Lexa and her response to Pike's punishment, "Lexa didn't know what you decided, did she?"
Clarke shook her head, "Only Indra knew."
Raven pushed out air and then chuckled, "I would almost feel sorry for you if I wasn't still so mad. Lexa is not going to be happy with you."
Clarke laughed lightly. That was definitely true. As mad as her friends were, she knew it was nothing compared to how Lexa would feel. She was dreading their next private conversation.
They mostly stayed silent the rest of the day, with only a few short conversations about how Pike's punishment would work. By the end, they accepted it, but still didn't like it. Clarke got up eventually to go check on Emory. Murphy, who had opted to go up to his room with Emory rather than to the meeting, gave her a strange look when she entered the room. Even he had heard what had happened. She raised her eyebrows at him in question, but he just continued frowning.
"Murphy, if you want to say something, just say it," she finally said after making sure Emory hadn't ripped any stitches and checked for infection. She'd mentioned that her mom would be coming and she'd bring her medical supplies with her, as she had started doing every time she left Arkadia.
"I just hope you know what you're doing," he said.
She just nodded and they let the subject drop. She was getting burnt out on defending her decision and knew that her greatest opponent still hadn't come.
The group made small talk, Raven finding that Emory actually had a significant amount of tech knowledge. The others timidly checked in to let them know that Arkadia had been contacted. Clarke wanted to know what her mom and Kane had said about it, but also didn't want to open up the subject again. She'd deal with them when they got there.
Time ticked by. When the evening meal came and Lexa still hadn't come up, Clarke wasn't sure if she should be relieved or worried. As the sky began to darken, she excused herself to go to their room. Lincoln shot her a sympathetic look, while Octavia and Raven both looked too smug for her liking.
Lexa obviously hadn't been back to their room, though a fire had been lit. She sat on the sofa, her worry becoming more pronounced as time ticked on. Either Lexa was so upset with her that she didn't want to be around her tonight or something else had happened. The tower was filled with the news of the men's punishment, notably Pike's unorthodox one. If something had happened to Lexa, that would supersede anything else, but Clarke couldn't help but worry. She considered seeking Lexa out, but Lexa clearly needed some time to herself.
Finally, she just dressed in her night clothes and laid down on the bed. The fire was starting to die, but she didn't bother to get up, opting to wrap the blanket more tightly around herself. She intended to wait up for Lexa, but exhaustion from the day's events, and her earlier breakdown, overtook her even as her fears told her that Lexa wouldn't be there when she woke up. That she might have pushed her too far this time.
The nightmares came, as she expected. She saw carnage, TonDC on fire as bodies were strewn here and there. Pike in the center, covered in blood, smiling sickly. Behind her, Johnson, Emerson, and Dirks grabbed her, hands running over her body. Then, there was Lexa, rage and hatred on her face. "Their blood is on your hands," Dream-Lexa said, nodding to the men behind her to take her away, unbothered by how they touched her. Lexa watched as they drug her away, Pike and all her friends coming to glare as they left her to her fate.
She continued fighting their arms as she woke up, not noticing right away that it wasn't their arms holding her so close, gently whispering in Trigedasleng to ease her back to wakefulness. Her screams turned into sobs as she slowly came back from the fear and despair of her dream, finally letting her eyes look into Lexa's as Lexa continued to shush her gently.
She stared into Lexa's eyes as she forced herself to calm down, Lexa taking deep breaths to encourage Clarke to do the same. Finally, through her sobs, Clarke spoke, "I thought…I thought you might not come back."
Lexa wiped her tears from Clarke's cheeks and sighed, leaning over to place a kiss where the tears had fallen, "I'll always come back, Clarke. Don't you know that by now?"
Clarke sighed, still trying to calm herself down, still feeling their hands groping her, pulling her away. She tried nodding, before the sobs started again. Lexa frowned. She had taken a long time to calm down, including going out to the river to just sit well passed dark. She hadn't even eaten dinner. She knew her emotions were high and didn't want to confront Clarke until she had time to process. After much thought, she understood why Clarke did what she did. And how difficult of a choice it had to have been. Death would have been the easy punishment, but the easy way wasn't always the right way. She knew she and Clarke would discuss it later, but hoped that Clarke would be asleep when she came back. The room was dark and cold when Lexa silently entered, the fire having burned out completely. She looked to the bed and had a momentary panic not seeing anyone in the mass of blankets. Believing Clarke must have opted to stay with her friends, she went over and restarted the fire, making sure it was going strong before she considered going to bed. She was tired, so tired, but her heart clenched a bit at the thought of not sharing a bed with Clarke. She understood why Clarke would be timid to stay in here alone, especially when Lexa failed to show before dark, but it still stung a bit. She briefly thought about going to get Clarke to come to bed, but dismissed it. Maybe Clarke needed a night away.
She was brought out of her thoughts when she heard a rustling on the bed and the tell-tale signs of one of Clarke's nightmares beginning. She carefully approached the bed as Clarke kicked free of the blankets, her cries starting to grow in intensity. Relief mixed with concern as Lexa realized that Clarke had come to their bed after all. Instinctively, she wrapped Clarke in her arms, noticing that Clarke was freezing, beginning their nightmare ritual.
"This was a bad one," Lexa said as she pulled Clarke's now shivering body closer to her and reaching to encase them in the blanket. Clarke just nodded. "Can you tell me about it?"
Clarke shook her head, "I already know you're upset with me, Lexa, and telling you about my dream will just upset you more."
Lexa sighed, kissing the top of Clarke's head, "Clarke…we'll discuss what happened in the morning. Can't you trust me? Trust that I love you?" She waited a minute as Clarke calmed down further, "Tell me about your dream."
Clarke tried to pull away for a brief second, Lexa tightening her hold, before Clarke sighed again and moved back closer to Lexa. She told Lexa about her dream, her body shaking at the memory, Lexa still holding her close.
"In three days, Johnson will be dead. Emerson and Dirks already are. Even if they weren't, you know…you know I would never let anyone hurt you like that, Clarke," Lexa whispered, kissing Clarke's forehead, "Sleep, my love. We deal with tomorrow's issues tomorrow."