11/10/20

Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter. I really loved reading them!

Girl talk, part I.

Some boys take a beautiful girl, only to hide her away from the rest of the world

"Chwis." Belle whispered in what she thought was her inside voice followed by tapping his cheek lightly. He groaned a little and Ana's words came to mind in recognition of what was happening to him.

She's cute and hands may be soft but early in the morning they're like tiny spatulas hitting your face.

He stopped her hand and brought them to his lips for a kiss. "Good morning Belle."

"GOO MONING CHWIS." She cheered, making Ana stir and groan. She was still in Chris' embrace with her back to Belle.

"Sshh! Let's let Mama sleep." Chris whispered.

"I'm awake." Ana muttered into his neck earning a kiss on the cheek from Chris.

She'd been awake for a while but kept her eyes closed, enjoying being in his arms and feeling his heartbeat. She didn't want to move and startle him since she was so close to his chest. Thankfully her arm was only wrapped around his torso, a safe zone. She'd woken up a few times throughout the night. Her brain was in overdrive and even now it was racing with different thoughts and emotions. She was exhausted and silently wondered how she'd get through the day and be well enough to entertain girls night and have the insta live event she had already promoted on her social media with Tamika and Deepi.

Sighing, Ana turned out of his embrace to attack Belle with a hug, making her squeal. "I need you to sleep bear." She growled and forcefully cuddled with Belle who was laughing and fighting her way out of her mother's embrace. This is how she would force herself out of a funk, by turning to Belle and being the version of herself she wanted her daughter to remember.

"No mama bearrrr foodie time."

"No mama bear sleepy time." She countered and began to plant big kisses on her face.

"Chwis hep" Belle begged.

"No one can save you. Mama will eat you and then go to sleep." Ana growled and began to tickle her. Belle's loud laughter and squeals filled the room. Chris smiled at their antics. Ana immediately sat up and held Belle down, lifting her shirt to expose her tummy and began lightly tickling it. "Look at this yummy tummy, I think we can eat this for breakfast, right Daddy?" Ana looked at Chris.

"No mama… nooooo." Belle laughed.

"I think we can Mama." He chuckled and leaned over to blow raspberries on her stomach making Belle laugh even more till her face was all red.

"Mamaaaa chwis bear, chwis bear…" She squealed with her tiny paws trying to push him away.

"Chwis tie, office. Tio office." Belle pointed towards Chris as he drank his coffee after finishing his breakfast.

"Her only reference to dressing up for office is Jose so she had a habit of repeating a lot of those things." Ana told him. "Except, Jose takes forever to get ready cause he's such a diva." She laughed to herself.

Chris in comparison didn't take much time at all. Ana did her best not to look at him too much for fear of staring at him like a lovesick fool.

Chris smiled at them both ."Yes, Belle. I'm wearing a tie and I'm going to the office after I'm done with breakfast."

"Mama, Bellie go to office?" She looked back at her mother and spoke with a mouthful of scrambled egg.

Ana giggled. "First of all. No speaking with your mouth full and sure, go help your dad lock down some deals."

"Actually, she might be able to. Ros certainly seems to think so." Chris chuckled.

"Or she'd probably distract you all with her cuteness. I mean look at this face." Ana grabbed Belle's with one hand, squishing her cheeks into a pouting fish face. "How can anyone resist this face, huh?"

"No one can." Chris laughed. "Do you think you can come over for lunch?"

Ana shook her head apologetically. "I need to go to HQ in Brooklyn this afternoon to work on a game plan for the upcoming event season with my team. Once we get into May, the wedding season will be in full season so It's all hands on deck."

Her catering company's main office and kitchen was in Industrial City, Brooklyn and towards the end of April, wedding season started and events picked up which would require her to check in more frequently and in some instances, help with food prep. For the last year, she had begun to spend shuffling between LA and NY during the busy season. While she had a more than capable staff, she still wanted to be involved as much as she could beyond every other day facetime calls.

Ana and Belle walked Chris over to the foyer to say goodbye after breakfast.

Belle was on Ana's hip looking up at Chris but this time she wasn't crying since Ana had explained to her that they were about to head out to HQ to bake small cakes and she would have a sleepover with her friends that were going to visit later in the evening.

"I love you, Belle. I'll see you soon." Chris whispered after kissing her cheek.

"I wove you." She grinned, sitting on her mother's hip.

"You're okay?" Chris asked, searching Ana's eyes. She looked tired and he wanted to believe it was the exhaustion and not his revelations from last night that were weighing her down but he knew better.

Ana nodded with a small smile.

"I'll miss you." he leaned to kiss her softly. "Have fun tonight."

"I'll try." She smiled. "I love you."

"I love you."

With a last kiss on her forehead followed by one to Belle's, he left for work.

After a long day at HQ, Ana was back at the UWS house with Alice and Jose, waiting for Tamika and Deepi to come by for the sleepover.

She had asked Jose to come by a little earlier if he could to discuss last night's revelations, needing guidance on how to move forward. Once she was done telling them everything, they just stared at her dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry but this is fucking shitshow. I mean… this is just…." Alice shook her head in complete shock. "HOW, the fuck are these people real? "

"Alice, Belle is right there!" Ana scolded. Truth is Belle was completely engrossed in her movie so anything short of announcing chocolate cake or mac and cheese was on the menu for dinner, there was no way she was paying attention to anything else around her.

"I'm sorry… this is just, you can't let Belle near his mother. I mean, we need a restraining order against the father and you need to talk to Christian and set that as a hard and fast rule."

"Garcia, how about we dial the enthusiasm down a notch." Jose, while supremely pissed off still maintained a calm disposition. He could tell that Ana was scared and he didn't want to add to her anxiety.

"Whatever." Alice groaned, running her hands through her hair. She hated it when Jose did this.

"Ana, I will agree with Alice that you need to set some ground rules. Number one being that Belle is not allowed to be alone with his mother. She is more than welcome to spend time with her while one of us, or Christian is around but no babysitting gigs."

Ana nodded. "He loves his mom and doesn't blame them. That worries me."

"That's his problem but that doesn't mean Belle should suffer any negligence as a result of it. Put your foot down, Annie. You are her mother, you have a right to make sure this is enforced."

"I know, I know. It's just another difficult conversation to have and I hate these because we're still not done— there's still so much to talk about and I'm so exhausted. I feel like I'm always going to be feeling like this." She looked at him with tear filled eyes.

Years of exhaustion that just wouldn't stop. She had desperately tried to find happiness but any time she got close to it, something would come along to shove her 10 steps back.

"You also need to make changes to your will." He reminded her. "In light of all this, it needs to be put in writing that his father is not allowed near Belle and his mother not allowed to be alone with her."

"He still needs to earn his place with Belle. I know he's her father but he has a long way to go." Ana murmured. As of now, her Will stated that guardianship of Belle in the wake of Ana's death would go to Jose and she was in no rush to change it, yet. "I really thought I could breathe a sigh of relief that he was back, you know. In terms of Belle at least. It shouldn't be this hard." She began to cry, prompting Jose to get up and envelop her in a hug.

"I suspect this is the last bump in the road, Annie. Once you guys get over this, things will improve… it's just growing pains." He tried to assure her when in reality he was concerned too. He could tell there was more to Chris' story but this level of more was not something he envisioned.

"He needs to send us crates of wine so we can get through this." Alice intoned; referring to the care package that Chris had Sawyer bring over once Ana came home. "I mean that care package is a great start but ima need him to put his back into it."

Ana giggled while Jose snorted. "She's got a point, Annie. We're gonna need all the good free booze to get us through this."

Chris had called Mia when he got to work and asked what more he could do than sending just a few bottles of wine for Ana's girls night. After a long list of the many things that a girls night care package could include, Chris had Sawyer deliver a gift wrapped basket filled with three bottles of wine, assorted chocolates, shisedo face masks and gift certificates for each of one of them to the spa at the Ritz Carlton for a full day of pampering to use at their convenience. Included with the care package was a handwritten note from Chris.

Have fun with the girls tonight. I hope I get a call from drunk Ana again.

Love,

Chris

6:02PM Anastasia Steele: Thank you for the care package Mr. Grey. That was really sweet for of you :)

6:02PM Christian Grey: Anytime, baby. I was serious about getting a call from drunk Ana though. I have some questions I'd like to ask her ;)

6:03PM Anastasia Steele: Nice try. Drunk Ana is in retirement ;)

6:03PM Christian Grey: In that case, my weekend mission is to get drunk Ana out of retirement for a meeting in my office.

Ana giggled like a schoolgirl, staring at the phone.

"Are you sexting again?" Jose teased, he could see her grinning like a fool. It was a genuine expression that he only ever saw when she interacted with Belle otherwise.

"NO!" Ana tried to reprimand him but couldn't stop smiling.

"Real talk, how's his sexting game?" Alice wiggled her eyebrows.

"There is no sexting game. He is just making fun of me being drunk." Ana turned and walked away as Jose and Alice howled and cheered.

6:04PM Anastasia Steele: What would be the agenda of this meeting? ;)

6:04PM Christian Grey: That would be for me to know and you to eventually find out, Miss Steele.

6:04PM Anastasia Steele: That's not fair :(

6:05PM Christian Grey: Looks like you need to have a conversation with drunk Ana about that ;)

6:05PM Anastasia Steele: I'm a patient woman Mr. Grey. Game on, let's see if you can get me drunk and in your office this weekend for whatever meeting you want to have ;)

6:05PM Christian Grey: Oh baby, game on indeed ;)

For girls night, Shake Shack was ordered in and dessert consisted of chocolate cake with ice-cream. Once the kids had heartily fed and been put to bed, Jose opened up the bottle of wine that Chris had sent and treated himself one of the facemasks in the care package, planting himself comfortably on the couch, waiting for Ana, Tamika and Deepi to get done with their 1 hour insta live session before they got together to catch up on the new gossip in peace.

About 40 blocks downtown in Hudson Yards, Chris was in his home office catching up on work. Even though this had been his life for years, coming home, having dinner and going back to work, ever since meeting Ana again and spending his evenings with her no matter how few so far, it made coming back to this routine very hard.

It made him realize how boring and empty life really was. His evenings with Ana and Belle were slow and relaxed, two words that he didn't subscribe to and even more so, not in his vocabulary for himself. Just the simple act of having dinner with them, sitting outside the tub while Ana bathed Belle and lying in bed with them both were such fulfilling moments.

His phone pinged while he was reading over a report with the evening news playing in the background. He picked up and saw the following notification on the screen.

Instagram: christinespencer is live now.

Swiping the notification on the screen, launched his phone to unlock and straight into the app to see a flush faced Ana sitting with Tamika and Deepi next to her, with wine glasses.

"Okay, so we're just waiting for some more people to log on before we begin. I'm here with Tamika and Deepi and most importantly WINE... cause Lord knows we're gonna need it tonight." Ana giggled.

"And before anyone sends me to mom jail cause I'm breast feeding, know that I'm allowed a glass of wine." Deepi sassed. "Actually eff that, I'm having 2-3 glasses of wine, sue me. Rohan can survive on regular milk tomorrow." She laughed.

A minute later, Ana looked towards the screen again and waved making note that about close to 1500 people and counting had logged on for their talk. She had her hair up in her usual messy top knot and wore her signature mom uniform consisting of a faded graphic tee and ripped jeans as Tamika and Deepi sat with her at the kitchen table in a row with the phone setup on a tripod a little distance away to capture them in frame.

"Alrighty! Welcome, welcome to our little girl talk session sponsored by a generous helping of alcohol. We're going to be talking about separation anxiety and I have thoughts and feelings. LOTS of them." Ana laughed.

The women beginning with Deepi launched into their stories of moments when they went through something similar with their kids. Viewers also left comments sharing their stories that the women read out loud and engaged with, looking directly into the camera to address them with their shared experiences.

Deepi, even though having a big family to support her, felt the pangs of separation anxiety when she went back to work but still maintained that she knew that she had it easy because she had her parents who were always willing to watch her daughter and now her son whenever she needed to go to meetings or travel. Deepi started out working as a COO for a tech startup till she got pregnant and started instagram to document her maternity fashion which made her into a micro-influencer at first but her following started to grow and she transitioned to youtube and eventually quit her job when we became pregnant with her son Rohan.

Tamika was raised by a single mother who was a school teacher and now a high school Principal in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. Her father died on the job as a police officer when she was 10 years old. She was close to her father's sister and acknowledged that both her mother and aunt were incredibly supportive when she made the decision to have a child via artificial insemination and to this day help her with childcare should she ever need it.

"I suppose my issue is that, well... I mean it's both a rational and irrational fear, I'm sure so many parents who are watching feel this way." She looked straight into the camera. "I was an only child and five years old when one morning I woke up and they didn't come home. So I'm really possessive of Belle to the point where, I need to be around her or a minimum of a 10 minute walking radius of her which is... like, if God forbid something is gonna happen, it can happen when I'm 10 feet away from her or a block away from her or even an hour... it's more of the psychological crutch that okay, I'm nearby, you know. And it's getting to a point where it will be physically impossible for me sometimes to always be there. There are things I'll have to do where I can't take her with me and I don't know, my fear is what if..." She shook her head.

"Goddamit, I need more wine. I'm getting emotional." She laughed nervously. "You know, I don't want to lose her or have her grow up without me." Ana shrugged and gulped some wine. "I have very few memories of my parents and I feel like they're fading sometimes, Belle is barely 2, if something happened, she wouldn't even remember me." She sniffed. "God, I need to get a grip." She laughed, wiping her eyes before Tamika and Deepi hugged her.

"Why you gotta make me cry? I'm tryna be the tough one here." Tamika grumbled.

They continued to talk while Chris watched and realized these were fears that Ana had daily. Again, still there was so much he didn't know about her and in general about parenthood. He was focused on making sure they had security so that nothing happened to them but the flip side was what if something happened to both of them as parents and then the fear and panic set in him even more.

"You know I often wonder about... I know that there are single mothers and single dads or even couples who have no support network at all, both familial and financial who are out there and going through probably the toughest form of separation anxiety when they have to drop off their six week old child to daycare. Can you imagine? SIX WEEK OLD CHILD, like, a woman has BARELY healed physically from the repercussions of childbirth, I mean, emotional is a WHOLE other situation but think about it, your child is six weeks old, and you have to drop them off with strangers to go work a minimum wage job or even if it's only slightly better paying, you go bust your ass off and then have a significant portion of that paycheck go to childcare and it's just a vicious cycle that never stops.

I WISH parents didn't have to make that choice. That first year is so crucial, I mean all the early years are crucial but that first year in particular you know, so many firsts and beautiful moments happen and you have to miss out on that. It is ridiculous and heartbreaking. I mean... this society and this country punishes women for having children and not having them. Like, damned if ya do and damned if ya don't? Why? Why are there no policies that are conducive to childcare and I mean real child and parental care? Tax credits and childcare subsidies are bullshit because they're designed to keep people below a certain financial threshold. If you make even a dollar more, you suddenly don't qualify. It is fucking ridiculous. Money alone does not solve the problem, we need policies made by women who have been through serious shit and understand what it takes to go through a pregnancy, birth and raising a child." Ana was on a roll at this point. Her hand gestures showed her frustration and her tone was serious and her voice wavered at times.

"I genuinely wonder about women like me who have been abused by the system, tried their best to fight against it and more over wanted so desperately to have a family of their own. These are simple desires but sometimes they feel like dreams you're now allowed to have. I was incredibly lucky that Jose found me when he did because if I had to go through what I went through all alone, it would've been game over for all three of us. I mean; Tamika and Deepi were there. I got hit with postpartum pretty hard, not only was I grieving the loss of a child but I had Belle in the NICU. She didn't come home until 6 weeks after she was born and God bless Jose; he took 4 weeks paternity leave when Belle got the okay to leave the hospital. I was dumbfounded because he totally didn't have to do that but he did and..." Ana shook her head trying to keep the emotion at bay.

"I mean, fuck... who the fuck does that? I was... so fucking grateful for both him and Alice cause there were times where I just could not function because of the grief and hormones and just everything. It was so bad and now looking back, I wonder, what about women who were just like me but have no resources and it's a reality and those initial experiences feed more into the separation anxiety cause it's all trauma that is manifesting in different ways and I'm probably suffocating my child and not letting her grow but when you've been through shit in the foster care system and you hear about how children are abused well... it gives you pause."

For the remainder 20 minutes of the live, Ana, Tamika and Deepi read comments from other parents who were sharing stories of their separation anxiety and the troubling conditions they had to face.

Chris watched intently realizing Ana's motivations when it came to Belle in a new light. He had tremendous respect for Jose even though he had yet to voice it but knowing that he took paternity leave from work just so he could be there for Ana and Belle made him feel even more guilty. He should've been there. There were so many things he still didn't know about her pregnancy journey and the birth of the girls along with the first few months after everything. A part of him wanted to know it all and the other part was deathly afraid to know just how bad it was.

"Okay, what's up. What's the latest? I have to say this wine tastes super expensive and bougie. I think you need to keep this guy around." Tamika was thoroughly impressed in this moment as she curled up on the couch next to Ana and Jose.

Deepi and Alice were on floor cushions in front of them, leaning their arms on the coffee table, drinking wine and taking bites of the leftover chocolate cake and cheesecake Ana had brought over from HQ along with the chocolates Chris had sent over.

"Yes HRH Tamika, I'll keep that in mind." Ana giggled.

"So tell us, what's the latest with your baby daddy?"

"Too much." Ana groaned.

"Oh this does not sound good." Tamika sat up. "TELL US EVERYTHING."

Ana laughed and rolled her eyes. "I honestly don't even know where to begin..."

"Just pick one thing and go with it." Deepi replied.

"Well, he wants to sleep with me and also wants to get a vasectomy reversal so we can have more children."

"I'm sorry, WHAT THE FUCK? WHITE BOY SAY WHAT?" Tamika craned her neck to look at Ana over Jose who was sitting between them. "OH HELL FUCK NO. NO. JUST NO. He showed up for the party but never bothered to stay for the clean up and now he wants to party again? NO THANK YOU, NEXT."

"MY REACTION EXACTLY." Alice threw in. "I wholeheartedly agree."

"I'm sorry but the man literally had his dick in another hoe a month ago and now he wants to stick it in you? NO. He needs to be 2319'd." Tamika was on a roll.

Alice held her finger up to add another crucial point. "2319'd and quarantined. I'm talking a minimum of two months with daily tests done and his dick washed with some skin friendly version of bleach."

Everyone fell into a laughing fit before Ana caught her bearings and responded.

"He got tested twice and he's clean but it's not just that, it's so many things..." she mumbled into her glad taking another sip.

"Jose?" Tamika looked at him wanting to hear his thoughts. He'd been too quiet.

"It's Annie's decision and I'll support her in whatever she decides."

Deepi snorted. "That is some real diplomatic bullshit."

"He needs to prove himself. He can't waltz in with that face, perfect ass and bucket loads of money trying to erase the past with a new baby. There, that's my position on everything. I mean the man can't even cook or change a diaper. No bueno."

"He does have a nice ass." Ana nodded and giggled. "But yeah, he has a long way to go."

"I guess the question here is, do you want to have more kids with him?" Deepi asked.

"It doesn't matter if I do. I physically am terrified, Deepi." Ana said with tears in her eyes. "I mean... I dreamed of having my own family, I wanted my own kids and I wanted to adopt but physically and emotionally, I can't go through something that could mean I potentially lose another child or lose my own life. I am still healing." She paused for a few moments. "Of course I'd love to have more kids with him but... I am really scared."

When it came to wanting more biological kids, she briefly wondered how Belle would react. She loved babies and images from earlier in the evening where Belle stuck to Deepi like glue as she held Rohan came to her mind. She was obsessed with Rohan, talking to him and would get concerned when he cried; Mama wohan cwying. Before Chris came back into their lives she knew that whenever she adopted, Belle would be an amazing older sister. She had a protective side to her, it was so obvious from the 3D image of the girls in the womb where Belle appeared to be holding Spencer. All these thoughts brought forth conflicting emotions.

"Are you afraid he'll leave again?" Tamika asked, bringing her back to the room.

Ana shook her head. "A little but also, now that I know him I'll take his ass to court but I don't want to keep fighting you know. It's hard enough as it is."

"Did you tell him this? Explain your reasoning cause you men be dumb af." Tamika added.

"He didn't take it well, took it personally, I told him that he could totally get the reversal, his body his choice but I am not going off the shot."

"I'm sorry but the audacity of this man.." Tamika shook her head. "A new baby isn't gonna help solve shit or absolve him of what happened before. Shit happened on his timeline, now it's gonna happen on yours and he doesn't get to sit all pouty faced and throw a tantrum. Nah."

"Have you told him about what happened to you when Belle and Spencer were born?" Deepi asked with concern etched on her face.

Ana shook her head. "I've been holding off on giving him details, I just told him it was dangerous for me— highlights— but I haven't given him the play by play... I can't g-go b-back t-there again." Her voice broke, preventing her from speaking more.

"He needs to know, Ana." Deepi said softly.

"Yeah boss, you need to tell him." Alice echoed a similar sentiment. She had been there when it all happened. She saw first hand how they almost lost her.

Ana wiped her face and cleared her throat. "He already feels the guilt, I can't keep hitting him with all these details... "

"Look at me Ana." Tamika ordered her, Ana turned to look at her with puffy eyes. "He is their father and he needs to know all this. The guilt he will feel is his problem not yours because trust me, no matter how much guilt he feels it will never match the pain you have endured back then and to this day, going into the future. Again, he doesn't only get to have the happy, fun, picture perfect version of your lives. He needs to know everything."

"She's right Annie." Jose added.

"You need to tell him your birth story." Deepi could see her reluctance but the truth is Chris needed to know all the details of what happened to Ana during the birth of the girls.

"He already thinks I'm punishing him." Ana mumbled. "When I said no to having more kids, the way he spoke, he felt rejected and he just takes it all personally and—"

"Good, he should." Alice interrupted. "I'm sorry but if he doesn't take it personally then that's a huge problem. A lot of this happened because his decisions so you know what, Tamika is right, you endured fucking hell, this is not even a fraction, fuck; I mean it's not even in the SAME REALM of experiencing second hand emotion. I get it, he thought he lost you but he sure was quick to move the fuck on. Didn't even properly background check that whore and look what she turned out to be?"

"Damn girl, tell us how you really feel." Deepi cackled and everyone laughed but Ana barely cracked a smile.

"Rehashing all of that over and over again won't change anything Alice. Men and women are different, you know. They experience stuff differently and—"

"Bullshit excuse." Tamika wasn't going to let Ana worm her way out of this. "Fine, whatever. fuck all that shit but you need to tell him everything. Stop it with the kid gloves. Just tell him everything and let him deal with it and his therapist if he has one. What about the letters and videos you made for him before you gave birth?"

Ana remained mute and reached over to take a bite of the cheesecake. Telling Chris everything was going to be excruciating but they were right, Jose was right, this is just the beginning. Better to rip the band-aid off now and move forward rather than prolong it the agony.

"I haven't given them to him yet." She bit her trembling lip. "I made them because I thought I was going to possibly die. I just…"

"He needs to see them, Annie."

She looked at Jose with tears streaming down her face. "He already suffers from so much self-loathing Jose… I am really trying not to add to it."

"As Tamika said, it's his problem but this needs to happen. Stop protecting him. He's a grown ass man. Get all this off your chest. It's not fair to you either. He doesn't get to live the selective, rainbow filled version of your reality. It's all or nothing."

A/N: Eager to hear what you think about everything they discussed.

Chapter 35 will be Girl talk, part II.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Greg Laswell