Neil rubbed at his eyes, a tension building deep in his skull. He dreaded and hated the inevitable direction of the evening.
Though the end of his shift approached, he sat at the lounge conference room table as his team studied medical journals, wrote out their findings on the white board, and examined the latest scans and imaging for a case that, simply put, confounded them. The patient remained stable, but they'd been throwing out ideas all afternoon. If they didn't come up with a solution by the end of the night, they'd be down to the worst surgical option that would leave their patient – a prominent civil rights attorney and personal friend – with a damaged heart and a spot on the transplant list she likely would never ascend in time.
Shaun paced as he added another notation to the white board. "I think non-surgical options would be best. We can find a better solution if she has more time. And she'll have more time if we don't operate."
"But if we don't operate, her heart could fail at any time," Park added.
"And who knows if we'll have any better options tomorrow. Or the next day." Morgan added, irritable.
Biting back a sharp reply of his own about how their tone wasn't helping anything, Neil rose from the table and gathered himself by pouring more coffee from the serving tray. They were all frustrated at not being able to find a solution, and Neil didn't have many more mediation tricks up his sleeve given his own ever-shortening temper.
He remained the most frustrated of them all. He'd known the patient since undergrad, had been at her wedding and at the bar with her for her divorce. She'd come to him first looking for a referral when her regular doctors proved unhelpful; she'd come back to him when they'd told her nothing could be done. She was counting on him to find a solution. Neil felt the pressure of it all.
And he had the added anxiety that the situation – even if unavoidable and exactly where he needed to be – also meant his important plans for the night were getting ruined by the second.
The last couple of weeks had been unpredictable. One day would be dead while the next would bleed into a double shift. It'd been difficult to keep a schedule. His entire team was feeling punchy from it, which didn't help their current conversation. They'd been sniping at each other for the last few days, and he didn't see the evening improving their dispositions.
What had kept him sane was looking forward to tonight when he'd vowed to take the evening off to spend with Claire and Sam. And that option was rapidly disappearing. The severe lack of quality time with them and his eagerness to make up for it had him more irritable each day. He barely even saw Claire in passing, though they texted often enough.
Maybe a few months ago, it'd be a minor inconvenience. But his perspective had certainly changed recently.
Things had been a little awkward since he and Claire argued a couple of weeks before. He'd been kind of a jackass and pissed her off. He shouldn't have pushed so hard about the Chapman Fellowship. And he certainly shouldn't have lashed out at her like an insecure, jealous boyfriend.
Looking back on it, he'd let himself get too keyed up. Sam had been uncharacteristically cranky and a bit of a handful. Then watching the guy at the café so openly hitting on Claire had irritated him. It reminded him of his friend Joe's warning that someone else would surely swoop in and charm Claire from right under his nose if he didn't tell her how he felt.
So, he'd snapped at the server and endured another round of ribbing from Morgan for it. She'd let it slip about Claire's decision to give up on the Chapman. So, Neil had channeled his annoyance into reacting to that, pissing Claire off in the process. After years of working with her and being her friend, he knew logically that she responded best when allowed to come to him when she's ready. Yet, he'd still backed her into a corner and paid the price for it. He hadn't been able to control himself at hearing Claire backtrack about the Fellowship. The idea of her giving up on something so important really bothered him, and he knew it bothered her too even if she tried to downplay it.
And, of course, his reaction had also been a reflection of his fears about something else entirely. A fear of rejection over something he hadn't even had the courage to share with her yet.
When he'd agreed to help with Sam that day so Claire and Morgan could hang out for a while, he'd had it all planned out. He'd pick up some provisions at the market and offer to come over to help get Sam down for the night. Then he'd make them dinner and segue into a bit of a heart to heart where he'd finally work up the courage to admit his feelings for her.
When he'd failed to keep his temper, that all went down the drain.
Watching Claire storm off in anger and disappointment hit him hard. He'd wanted to go after her, but couldn't calm down enough to know how to make it right and risk making things worse. And Morgan, getting the gist of what happened, had been none too pleased.
'You knew she'd be defensive about the Chapman. Why would you push her?'
'I was just trying to talk it through. But then she brought up that guy,' he said pointing at Kevin who kept stealing glances from the register where he was ringing up someone else. 'Things got out of control.'
Morgan crossed her arms and glared at him. 'Oh, I see. You went all Neanderthal again. How many times do Park and I have to spell it out for you, Melendez: she thinks you're in this – whatever it is you two are 'in' – because of Sam. She sees herself as some kind of burden to you.'
'She knows that's not true.'
'Does she? Do you spend any time with her that's not about Sam?'
'That's not fair. Sam is her first priority. I don't want to make things complicated for her.'
'Then stop making it more complicated! She's never going to stop seeing herself as an obligation unless you man up and show her what she means to you – which by the way, you are not denying, I'll note,' Morgan added with a hint of a smirk.
Neil ignored her. 'She knows I support her too.'
'Yeah, because of Sam. And because you were her boss.' She sighed. 'This is Claire Browne we're talking about. She's great at taking care of other people, not so much at letting other people take care of her. You keep hiding behind Sam as a reason to spend time with her. What else is she supposed to think?'
Neil scowled at her. He hadn't thought about it from that angle, but it made sense. Claire's default was definitely self-sufficiency. She'd said it herself that she couldn't really rely on people to put her first. Everyone had an ulterior motive.
Morgan grabbed his coat and shoved it at him before pushing him toward the exit. 'Melendez, go apologize. If you leave now, you'll beat her home. You know it takes her forever to get Sam in and out of the car.'
Neil let himself be led, though not pleased about it.
'Wait!' She stopped at the register where Kevin still stood, now amused at Morgan's strong arming. 'Kevin, what have you got in the case that'll keep for a while?'
Kevin swept his eyes across the offerings. 'The almond croissants are good for that.' He scooped up a few and put them in a carryout box.
Morgan grabbed the box and shoved it into Neil's hands. 'Don't show up empty-handed. Tell her you're sorry. And then tell her how you feel. For god's sake, put us all out of our misery.'
Neil had left them in a daze that stayed with him as he got into his car and drove to her place. And after an awkward but heartfelt apology – that she'd thankfully accepted – and enduring a very messy diaper change as punishment, they'd spent a quieter night than usual playing with Sam.
They hadn't talked about the fellowship. And it hadn't felt like the right time to bring up what really plagued his mind and heart.
Instead, he'd spent the last couple of weeks stewing and second-guessing and dodging Morgan and Park's judgement until he'd finally worked up the courage to take the plunge tonight. He'd texted Claire a few days ago, and she'd sounded excited about finally getting to see him after such a crazy stretch at the hospital.
Except it didn't look like that'd be happening. He hadn't even had the heart to update her about it yet, hoping for some last-minute save.
Behind him, he could hear the debate escalating as Park and Morgan bickered over their own opinions on the surgical procedures they thought were the best approach. Shaun stood listening, but still focused on his own theory by listing out the treatments that could continue to stabilize their patient for at least a few days. Pinching the bridge of his nose to release some tension, Neil knew he should step in, but didn't quite trust himself not to snap at them for arguing rather than brainstorming.
Times like these he really missed Claire's presence. She had a way of balancing everyone's personalities out. Maybe she'd stave off comments on Shaun's idea by asking questions of her own. Or she'd deflect Morgan's frustration with some well-timed light bickering. His team had been their own messy but efficient entity, a well-oiled machine that shouldn't have worked but did. With one of their own gone, even after all of this time, they constantly felt the phantom pain of Claire's absence.
Not that he could bring himself to regret it. Without that shakeup in her life, he wouldn't know a whole other side of her that he quite liked – or welcomed a little boy into his world that he couldn't imagine living without now.
As if answering some unconscious beacon, everyone turned at hearing the lounge door open. They'd been too busy bickering to see Claire approach.
"Well, look at all these bright, happy people, Sammy!"
Neil looked at his watch realizing it had gotten later than he'd realized. Claire bypassed the conference table to cut through the seating area and pop into Neil's office to grab a small tote bag sitting on one of the chairs. She must have dropped it off earlier and he'd spent so little time there today, he hadn't noticed. It had become a regular habit for her to leave things in his office if she got caught in the back and forth with the day care center, especially on days like today when they planned on leaving around the same time.
Everyone paused when she entered, and then went back to their bickering. After all, they were pretty used to seeing her swing by with her little brother. Neil, for one, couldn't have been more relieved.
When Claire re-emerged, Neil watched as all three residents gravitated toward her to reach for Sam. The toddler babbled happily, thrilled at all the attention.
"Claire, you're just in time," Morgan said, grabbing one of Sam's hands and shaking it. "We need a tie-breaker about this patient. Why don't you unleash the little guy and make yourself useful? Park, tell her why we're right."
"You tell her," Park said. He stood on the other side of Claire and expertly pulled Sam from her sling and then raised him up above his head. Sammy giggled at the new fun game and then reached for Morgan who had resorted to tickling him when back in Park's hold.
"What is going on here? I only stopped by to pick up my bag before Sammy and I head home for dinner." She turned to Neil with a silent question about whether he'd be joining her. Seeing his sour expression and slight shake of the head, she nodded in sympathy.
Park continued to play airplane with the little boy whose giggles had become infectious and lifted the group's mood. "You can have dinner here," Park offered. "A working dinner where you help your old buddies out with a medical mystery."
Looking back at Claire from where she was teasing Sam with a stuffed bear she'd snatched from his diaper bag, Morgan added, "You have to stay. Otherwise we might murder each other before we find a solution that won't kill our patient." Neil couldn't fault her argument there.
Claire looked at the papers and articles spread out on the table and glanced furtively at Shaun and his marker-scrawled white board. "I don't know if I'll be much help. Sammy kept me up half the night, and I'm sure you heard about the insanity over in the clinic today during my shift. A busload of middle-schoolers fresh off a paintball massacre. I'm sure I'll be scrubbing off hidden paint spots for a week. So, I'm not exactly at my peak right now."
That rumor had made its way to the surgical unit, and Neil had texted her a paint splat and laughing emoji. Her response could best be described as 'not ladylike.'
Shaun hung back, waiting to make his case to Claire as well. "I have everything written down here," he gestured to the white board. "You're very good at brainstorming ideas even when you're tired." He withdrew back to the board signaling Claire to follow.
When Claire looked over to Neil for guidance, he merely shrugged and grinned over his coffee cup. "Your call, Captain," he said. She rolled her eyes at him.
With his approval, she let herself be led over to Shaun's summation. Neil recognized the excitement and curiosity in her eyes pushing past the exhaustion. He'd missed seeing that professional drive every day, her passion for medicine.
As Shaun laid out their patient's current status and medical history, Neil dug into Sam's diaper bag for the extra food he knew she kept there. He handed it over to Park who finally relinquished the excited little boy to Morgan for some play time. Park surveyed his options and the extra snacks and decided on some kind of homemade curry and pureed fruit.
Over the next couple of hours, they talked through their problem like old times. In a surprising twist, Park joined the 'wait and see' side Shaun had been pushing for while Claire seemed to replace him on the surgical solution bandwagon. After letting Park take Sam for his dinner, Morgan got back in the mix, more relentless than ever. At the end of a particularly lively exchange among the four of them, Park got back on the surgical side, and Claire seemed more accepting of Shaun's continued insistence on a non-surgical treatment.
After Sam had enjoyed his dinner, Park threw a few couch cushions on the floor along with some toys and split his efforts between playing some kind of tag game with him and arguing with the rest of them as they walked through the patient's case from the top. Shaun joined him on the floor at one point while Morgan sat at the end of the table pointing out different inconsistencies on Shaun's lists.
Neil and Claire sat at the other end of the table watching all of it play out.
"Seems like old times, but not," Neil said.
He remembered many a day and night where the team would be spread out across the room like this hammering out a problem together. Usually, he'd be off tending to some administrative obligation or other patients and leave his residents to their bickering. But he'd join them sometimes and use it as a teaching moment about problem solving. Of course, the late nights that stood out most in his mind were the ones he'd spent with just Claire. He'd often marvel at the sharp way her mind worked, always appreciative of the calm, driving presence she brought to the process.
"I'd say I miss this, but to be honest, Sam and I have plenty of late nights of our own." They turned their attention to the little boy who seemed content to repeatedly flop himself on the cushion in front of him.
"Well, I would have worn him out tonight. I had some pretty fun stuff planned for us."
"Oh yeah?" Claire asked, a relaxed smile on her face. "And here I thought you wanted to hang out for a free meal at my place."
Neil grinned at her, enjoying the spark he saw. Whether it was from talking about Sam or being back in such a familiar element, something seemed extra alive about her in this moment, something he found intriguing.
"I certainly wasn't going to turn down a free meal."
She laughed. "So much for nobility." He continued to gaze at her, enjoying the way her eyes brightened in joy and her nose crinkled showing her utter amusement with him. "What kinds of fun activities did you have planned?"
"I can't tell you that now," Neil said, teasing her. He caught her eye once more. "You're just going to have to invite me over again and see."
Was he flirting with her? Yes. Yes, he was.
Slightly distracted as she monitored Sammy's flopping, she half listened to the others still engrossed in their conversation. Intentional or not, Claire seemed to go with his playful tone. "Well, if it's anything like tonight's playtime, you might get Sam to bed before the sun goes down. Then we'd have nothing else to entertain us."
Neil had so many responses to that probably innocent question.
"I don't know, there are worse punishments than being stuck with you for the evening. Turns out I like your company. And who knows what we'd get up to when our benevolent toddler overload hits the sack," he added, enjoying the way she snapped her attention back to him.
She seemed surprised by his words, though not displeased, thankfully. She took in his expression, the smile pulling at the corners of his mouth, his eyes he knew reflected his amusement and affection, though hopefully not his more passionate thoughts of her. He noticed a slight blush creep into her cheeks, which enraptured him even more.
"Trying to get me alone, huh?" she said, looking away for a moment before meeting his gaze again. "You have another lecture planned?"
He shook his head. "No lecture. I have other plans in mind, though," he teased.
"And what do I get out of this arrangement? Seems like I might be doing all the work."
Neil pretended to think about the question for a moment. "Let's just say that I don't think you'll be disappointed," he offered, pushing his luck a bit.
He slid his chair further into her already close proximity next to him. Her hand rested next to his on the table, casually tapping a pen against her tablet while his gripped his now empty coffee mug. He felt a strong urge to reach the short distance over and trail his fingers along the back of her hand, as much an invitation as a way to satisfy his impulse to be closer to her.
Claire turned her eyes back to him, delight and humor reflecting his own – with an additional alluring hint of mischief.
"Promises, promises," she replied softly for his ears only.
Wait, was she now flirting with him?
Neil tried to hide his strangled intake of breath at the desire he felt hearing those words from her lips, in that sultry tone he knew he wasn't imagining. Lips he couldn't stop himself from peeking at right now.
His friend Joe had been right – he'd never had a problem romancing a woman before now. He was Neil Melendez, prom king, star athlete, ambitious, superstar surgeon who'd dated his share of powerful and beautiful women. Yet this incredible, tiny marvel of a woman had him coyly pulling her pigtails like a schoolboy.
Neil stared into her lovely face, so many thoughts running through his brain and a list of responses at the tip of his tongue. He licked his lips, moved his chair a hair closer, only a fraction of an inch from her personal space. He opened his mouth to respond, his most charming smile directed right at her.
"Well, you don't see this kind of scene every day," Andrews bellowed, barging in from the side door.
Claire and Neil snapped their attention from each other and took in the rest of the room. Rather than focusing on them as Neil had feared, Andrews had paused at seeing Park and Morgan on the floor with Sam. Neil noticed Andrews' slight frown, though Andrews didn't immediately comment on any particular thing.
Park and Morgan on the other hand were shooting daggers at Andrews, their eyes wavering between him and where Claire and Neil sat. They then shared a look between them, rolling their eyes at the apparent interruption of the 'Browne and Melendez Show.' Even Shaun seemed annoyed by the change in mood. Only Sam remained blissfully unbothered.
"We recruited a few extra opinions for our brainstorming session is all," Neil offered. He didn't move away from Claire not wanting to suggest anything amiss between the two of them.
Andrews still seemed puzzled by the lively scene. Marcus always did balk at mixing the personal and professional, so maybe he didn't care for having their work lounge turn into a bit of a play pen. Nonetheless, Andrews walked over to where Sam sat playing and amused him for a few minutes by waving around one of the toys laying beside the group.
And Andrews ended up sticking around for a while, getting into a spirited back and forth with Claire over the patient's bloodwork and then offering a few choice suggestions before leaving for the evening. He shook his head as he retreated, a quizzical, lingering view of their motley crew as he departed for the night.
They'd made good headway, Neil had to admit. Shaun agreed to eliminate three of the five treatments on his list as not feasible and had at least entertained the idea that a surgical solution could be as viable as his suggestions. As he listened to Claire list out the facts as she knew them and why surgery could be the best case scenario, Shaun bounced Sammy on his lap, the baby now a little tired from all the earlier play.
Then an epiphany struck as Claire read through two studies she'd come across to support her hypothesis. After absorbing Claire's proposal, Shaun abruptly stood up and began scribbling again on the white board. They all grinned at how he'd kept Sam at his hip, quite content to watch his Uncle Shaun scribble away. Park and Morgan exchanged knowing smirks, waiting for their colleague to come around to their perspective.
"Murphy, something you want to share with the class," Neil inquired as he stood at the resident's shoulder.
"Not yet," Shaun replied and returned to his scribbling.
But Sam, having heard Neil's voice, began to whine and reach for his favorite uncle. Of course, Neil happily extracted him from Shaun's arms, which allowed the young doctor to scrawl even more rapidly on the white board. Sam immediately snuggled into Neil's neck, a sure sign that all the excitement had worn him out. Smiling down at the boy, he gently rubbed his back, but then frowned knowing that Claire would need to get him home and to bed soon.
Claire glanced over at him, taking in Sammy's alert but subdued snuggling with Neil and seemed to come to the same conclusion. However, she became distracted by something Shaun had just listed out.
"Wait, Shaun, what if we did both? The combined treatment you just listed could be not just pre-operative but sustained throughout surgery as you go in and repair the patient's heart. If you go slow, you should be able to trick the body into thinking she's stable. But post-op, you switch to the first solution you proposed, which should gently reinitialize the vascular integrity around the heart. You monitor her closely, make adjustments as her numbers fluctuate and then in 12 to 16 hours, you should be in the clear, or at least stable enough to try one of your other solutions.
"If anything happens, we'd need to do a blood transfusion as soon as her numbers dropped to the low range," Park added. "Otherwise, it'll be a cascading reaction and we'll lose her on the table." He made quick notes on his tablet.
Shaun made a mark on the white board as well. "We could prep an additional transfusion port just in case."
"I don't know if she'll agree to this, though." Morgan offered. "She was adamant about not putting her life on hold to linger on a transplant list. Even if we succeed, she'll still need a new heart within ten years. And it'll require a complete change to her lifestyle, maybe even quitting her job. I think it's the right call, but I don't know if she'll compromise on that."
Neil did the calculations in his head. He asked each of the residents, including Claire, questions about how it would work. Every contingency. Every potential outcome.
It was risky and a bold solution. And it was the best option they had that didn't involve certain death within the next few days or dying on the operating table. Using Sam as an excuse to pace and rock the now clearly sleepy baby in his arms, he looked over Shaun's numbers and checked the patient's charts and scans twice more.
"I'll talk to Lim and then I'll talk to the patient," Neil said, finally. "If we don't do this, she'll die within the week. This gives her a chance." He hitched Sam up a little higher on his shoulder, the boy now asleep and breathing soft baby breaths into his neck. "In the meantime, Park, I want another round of bloodwork just in case. Morgan, check with scheduling about putting together a team for tomorrow morning. Murphy, start on the surgical protocols, outlining what we've just gone over."
Shaun raised a tentative hand, recapping and then fidgeting with his marker. "Can I go get an apple first. I'm very hungry and it'll help me organize my thoughts."
Grinning, Neil nodded. "Grab dinner if you need it. All of you," he added sweeping his eyes to the other residents as they gathered their notes. "And excellent job. I know it's been a long day, but you all came together to find a solution; a better solution than any of us could have hoped for. You should be proud of your work." Morgan beamed at the compliment while Park smirked next to her. Even Shaun seemed to stand a little straighter for the praise.
Walking out, Morgan passed his shoulder to brush a soft hand against Sammy's head as she headed out. "Nice save, Browne," she quipped as she strolled out the door. She caught his eye and gestured him toward Claire before marching down the hall to scheduling.
"Yeah, thanks," Park reiterated, giving Claire's shoulder a squeeze as he followed. With her back to him as she checked on a sleeping Sam in Neil's arms, Park pointed to Neil and then Claire with a stern expression before following after Morgan. Shaun waved and hurried out, though his gaze lingered for a moment on the two of them before splitting off in the opposite direction toward the cafe.
That left Neil and Claire standing alone in the lounge. Neil noticed Claire looking both invigorated and melancholy. Personally, he felt the satisfaction of a problem solved along with the enjoyable feeling of Sammy asleep against him.
Claire stared at the retreating forms of her colleagues for a moment and then shook her head. Glancing at Neil and Sam, she began collecting her things and strapping on the sling to carry Sam to the car. With a well-practiced choreography, Neil placed the sleeping baby in the contraption and adjusted her straps as he'd done hundreds of times in the past months. When Sam lay comfortably against Claire's heart, Neil remained close, reluctant to let him go. Both of them, really.
"Thanks again for this," Neil said. "I know it disrupted your evening. And I hope it doesn't mess up your schedule."
Claire glanced up, pulling her eyes away from her little brother in her arms. "I didn't mind. I like spending time with you. All of you, I mean," she added, stammering a bit. Neil appreciated not being the only one flustered by the emotions blossoming between them tonight. "I'm really grateful for how much all of you accept Sam."
"What's not to love about this little guy," Neil chuckled. He considered flirting with her a little more; felt an intense pleasure at the thought of making her blush again. Instead, without even thinking twice, he stepped in closer to lean down and kiss Sam at the crown of his head.
Claire didn't appear phased by his proximity – or rather the clear presence of his face at her cleavage – as she stared down at Sammy with the same glowing love.
"I know what you mean," she said, still smiling down at Sam."
Before he could stop himself, Neil leaned down again and brushed his lips against the back of her hand that now rested against Sam's head, fingertips at the edge of where he'd just kissed the warm softness at Sam's brow.
"His sister's not half bad either," Neil murmured, looking into her eyes. He registered the mild surprise of his move, and then a gentle smile that melted into something unreadable to him.
When he straightened, he remained close, his hands slowly triple checking the holds securing the little boy to her. As she noticed his attention on her, the intensity in her expression drew him in. He held her gaze, allowing a grin to spread at his lips, stalling as he waited to pull back. They both seemed reluctant to leave this cocoon of affection they'd created with Sammy between them.
It should scare him how much he could get used to this. He's more determined than ever to make it so.
The sound of Neil's phone being paged broke their spell. Sam's eyes fluttered at the sound, but remained closed. Neil read through the request and stored the phone again in his pocket.
"I know you have to go," Claire said, allowing him to step back and deposit her multiple bags onto her shoulder. "Good luck with the surgery. Let me know how it goes."
"Of course," he promised, the vow sounding breathless and tense to his own ears. "I'll call you tomorrow with an update. Maybe I can get a raincheck for tonight?" He tried not to sound too eager – and failed.
Claire smiled. "Sure. And are we still on for Saturday? Sammy is going to love the street fair, I can already predict it. All the colors and balloons and music. It's right in his element."
"Yeah, a real party animal," Neil added, laughing. "I wouldn't miss it." He guided her to the door. "I'm going to go check in with Lim, but I can walk you out."
"Well, you can walk me to the elevator at least."
Their strides took on a lazy quality as they strolled side by side down the quiet hallway. Neil excused his pace and the lingering as not wanting to wake up the baby, but they both knew better. At least for him, it was getting harder to leave her company these days. Calling the elevator for her, he stroked Sammy's head again and then briefly squeezed Claire's arm.
"I meant what I said. It was excellent work – from all of us. And we couldn't have done it without you."
"I don't know—"
"We were better for having you there." He wouldn't stand for her downplaying her skills or what she meant to her colleagues. "Know that you're missed."
Just then the elevator doors opened and he ushered them inside. He stood with his hands in his pockets as the doors closed, smiling proudly at her, and was satisfied to see her match his sentiment.
Maybe the evening hadn't been a total wash after all.
TBC...