I find her a curious case to this day.

Her name first crossed my desk 17 years ago when we were looking at creating a second class of SPARTANs. She was only four at the time but already showed courage, curiosity, understanding, loyalty, as well as the physical markers that set her out as one of five alpha candidates.

Though I wished to proceed with the class regardless, ONI would not spare the resources and the project was shelved. They also refused outright to steal an Admiral's Granddaughter, which I found an odd line to draw in the sand for Margaret's people. It's not like I haven't done worse.

Or her for that matter.

No, I very much forgot about Madeleine and her untapped potential until Colonel Sanderson passed her information to me as part of the Skopje debrief. Such a feat lead me to reopen the old SII-CII case files. It was an interesting thing, seeing how they were progressing without our intervention. Naturally, two were dead by the time I returned to read the files. A waste, if you ask me (which no one ever does), of some of the best genetic material known to man and two of the brightest minds with near limitless potential. What was interesting in the three that lived was that each was individually remarkable. One lives as an academic prodigy on earth, one survived the genocide on Draco III, and of course, Madeleine's journey through the wastes of Skopje has become its own legend out right.

(No doubt that her story is a ploy from section two to throw off the public in regards to some black operation she was part of but I digress.)

So, I've followed the three of them ever since. Their data, as a control group for the original SPARTAN-IIs may prove invaluable going forward but, more than anything, I hope they vindicate me. I hope they prove how necessary the SPARTANs are, prove how even our best are second rate to my soldiers.

Notes from the Diary of civilian contractor Dr Catherine Halsey, regarding Agent Madeleine Harper. [Dated 2nd May 2552]

}{=}{

October 14th 2551:

Geosynchronous Orbit, Meridian, Hestia V

16:36 hours local time.

"I'm telling you to rest. Take some time out, collect yourself, read a book." Drake said as he strode towards his shuttle.

"But Sir, there's too much at stake! We have new leads and new samples, if you let me help I can-"

Drake snapped and turned on his heel. "Do what, exactly? Hm?" He frothed, "Katya is chasing the leads from the data you pulled from Elysium. There's nothing for you to do but get some much-needed rest."

Maddie was beside herself. Between her injuries, Erun's return, her failure to stop him, and Katya's discovery of the full scope of the mission had left Maddie feeling discarded and alone.

"Sir, I can't sit around. I literally can't take it anymore."

"You literally can, and you literally will." Drake said with a sardonic smile. "Because that's an order, understood?"

"But"

"Understood?" he repeated, making it clear that was the end of things.

Maddie winced as she saluted her Captain. It made him smile when she struggled to hide the pain that she was in and it softened his expression a little. He put a calming hand on her uninjured shoulder and smiled.

"Look, it's not a big deal, Lass. This happens in our work. Take this time to phone home, I know your sister has been pining for you because Parangosky has been forwarding her emails to me. Get your house in order, ease yourself back into things or make a friend." He added that last bit a little sheepishly.

She chewed her lip, pouting as Drake stared at her with a soft but determined expression. He knew she wasn't up to re-joining the fight. If Maddie was being honest, she knew he was right, as well. Several weeks of bone hardener, tissue correction, surgery and rehabilitation had done little to improve her strength, which had only begun to return in the last few days. It made Maddie's stomach churn to think about human medicine before accelerants and growth enhancements.

"Fine. Sir. Just promise to keep me in the loop, at least. I don't want to be thrown back in at the deep end." Maddie offered, priming Drake for one last try at changing his mind.

The ageing operative nodded, "I'll key you in on the morning briefings and send relevant reports your way. If we're lucky you'll get another dream or remember something important."

"If I'm going to be relaxing for the next few weeks, can I at least get my things? I don't fancy sitting around twiddling my thumbs."

Drake smiled knowingly and Maddie's heart sank. "I had a feeling you might try to pull that one, so I did you a solid and brought your stuff with me."

"Of course, you did." Maddie groaned.

"I know you well, lass. No getting anything passed me." He said, handing her the large black duffel bag filled with her personal effects. "Even left you a gift as well. A book from my own collection."

Maddie smiled and took it from him, "thank you, Sir," she said, genuinely surprised by the gesture but also sincerely touched by it. Maddie was glad that at least her CO thought highly of her. "I'll do my best to stay out of trouble."

"If giving you a book was all it took to keep you out of trouble, you would never have made it this far." He mused to himself as he ascended the ramp, "but if I'm lucky it might buy me a few hours." He added with a smile.

Maddie stood alone, watching with disinterest as the craft took off and left her standing beside her belongings. The flight deck was quiet, though she was acutely aware of the crewman eyeing her suspiciously from the corner of the room. All of a sudden, she felt a little exposed in her sweatpants and UNSC workout tee. It wasn't what she wanted to be wearing, but with her leg on the mend and her arm still in a sling, she had been allowed to remain comfortable as her body healed.

She reached down and winced as she picked up the bag. Her uninjured arm was on the same side as her injured leg, which made carrying it difficult but she was determined not to show weakness in front of the deck hands as they watched her limp away.

The halls were busier, with large groups of men and women all jostling in both directions. As she always had done at the academy, Maddie slinked into the crowd and glided between them like a ghost. She headed towards the officer's Quarters on the upper deck, where Drake had her billeting while she recovered and tried to consider what to do. She didn't like being unable to help, especially now that Katya knew everything about her.

Almost everything.

Maddie shuddered, remembering Maggie.

Katya and Maddie hadn't spoken since Maddie was carted away for surgery but Drake confirmed that she'd received the files regarding Alpha-One and the disastrous campaign on her home planet. It made her feel very uneasy. Katya was dangerous, not to the mission, but certainly to her. Now she had all the ammunition she needed to make her hurt. It made Maddie feel raw and vulnerable, because Katya wasn't just capable of making her bleed, she was also capable of seasoning the open wound with salt or vinegar and serving her up as a snack for the wolves that Maddie believed had raised her.

The lift doors hissed and a trauma team rushed by. Maddie watched them burst down the corridor, still dressed in off duty gear and some still chewing food in their mouths.

More wounded brought back from the planet? That wasn't scheduled, was it?

Maddie sighed and followed some nervous looking support staff up to the upper decks. Looking at the worry on their faces, she could see they were thinking about the same thing she was. There was no way of knowing what the medics were up to but Maddie couldn't ask the men what was going on. She was a superior officer. She had to be in control.

"What's your name, Sailor?" She asked one of the more nervous staffers.

"Martinez, Ma'am" he replied, a little shakily.

"What's it been like up here? I was injured about a solar week ago." Maddie tried to be conversational, showing that she wasn't concerned by what she had seen. In truth she wasn't concerned, medics were always on the clock and the alarms weren't sounding for battle stations. Maddie had also seen her fair share of trauma teams, and had always felt relief at the sight of them rather than dread.

"P-pretty standard, ma'am."

"Quiet?" She asked, looking at the rest of them as the elevator shuddered its way up the shift.

One of the others shook their head. "I wouldn't say that. Casualties are through the roof, we've lost most of our destroyers, morale is low."

"Jessop, can it." Martinez hushed him, "the Lieutenant-"

"Has been out of the fight, and is off duty." Maddie interjected, raising a hand.

The young naval officer, the ensign called Jessop continued, a little sheepishly. "It's our first tour, Ma'am, but even we can see that there's no tactical advantage to staying in this system anymore. We might be making the covenant bleed for it but we can't afford the attrition."

Maddie considered this for a moment. It wouldn't be a good idea to give anything away but she felt obliged to put them at ease.

"It's not our place to consider it. We have to trust in our superiors that they know what they are doing. All we have to worry about is making their grand plans and strategies come true. I know it's not ideal, but it's how all wars have been won and it won't change now."

The officer's seemed to trust her word as the elevator slowed to a halt, though she doubted that they would have believed her if she was wearing the black ONI fatigues. It was nice all the same to be taken at her word for once. Maddie stepped out and strode away before they could say anymore, somewhat paranoid to the fact that they might figure out what she was and change their minds about her. She didn't feel worthy of their respect but she wanted to hold onto it all the same.

Arriving at her quarters, she keyed her access card and stepped inside. Instantly, it was quiet, and as though she were in a metal box humming happily through space. She set down her things with a grunt and spent a few minutes unpacking them, placing Drake's copy of War and Peace on her desk.

With a resigned sigh, she stepped into the en-suite bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. What she saw looked almost alien to her. It had been a long time since her appearance had defined her existence but what she was looking at was different. Her eyes looked sharper, her features seemed tighter and pointy. Her blue eyes flashed at her menacingly and Maddie blinked a few times to make sure they were actually her own.

She shook her head and struggled to strip away the loose-fitting workout clothes. Her arm was painful and no amount of accelerant or painkillers could make it easier to undress in this state. It took minutes of fiddling, waddling and shimmying before she finally found herself standing under the water, its warm pelting hammering on her skin as she let herself be washed beneath its constant rhythm.

It's been almost two weeks since we made Terra Firma. Two weeks of waiting and two weeks of nothing happening.

She sighed and raised her arms lazily, letting the water trickle down them as she rubbed shampoo into her roots. Maddie was thankful that she had found Nate and Elysium so quickly but it wasn't enough. Time was running out and everyone, Drake included, knew it. What was left of Major Seer's battalion was now rummaging through dig sites with eggheads well behind our own lines.

That's not so bad, that first day was rough.

She thought of Major Seer, who hadn't made it after all. Maddie had known it would be a longshot, of course, but now she had his death on her mind as well. Fox Company wouldn't have been there if it weren't for her but that was simply how things were meant to be. That's how Maddie rationalised it, anyways. She pushed the thought from her mind and began to rub the soap into her skin, encasing her sleek and taught body with a cosy layer of soap suds.

As she cleaned it off and re-washed her hair, Maddie remembered that she had planned on searching out the Captain. She needed something to do, and she could at least offer him her mind.

It's only my body that needs rest.

Still, the gift from Drake had caught her eye so she figured the Captain would be fine to wait. She sat at her desk and sent a quick video message to her sister before settling down for a quick scan through the opening chapter. She knew little about the book, so when she ended up spending a few hours slipping into a happy place, filled with images of old Earth and its history, Maddie felt refreshed and relaxed. It was only when her computer flashed and chirped at her, that she set the book aside, one hundred pages into the book.

Maybe Drake needs me…

She wondered if there had been an update on the mission or a discovery but there was nothing, only a message from her mother. Maddie scowled, enraged by her inability to do anything and opened the message by mistake as she tried to send it to the trash can.

Hello sweetie,

I know you don't want me to contact you anymore but… I just got word that Nate passed away on Meridian. They confirmed it last month, apparently, but news from the siege is scarce and slow.

I just thought that you should know… and that you should try to find it in your heart to hear me out.

I love you.

Mum x

Maddie swallowed. Nate was fine, she'd been in the bunker a week ago, saw him in the flesh. ONI was likely sweeping the project under the rug, giving the operatives the distance, they needed to execute their project in deep cover. She wasn't about to tell her mother that though, there was no forgiveness to be had there, and Maddie deleted the message without a second thought.

Maddie sat back in her chair and scowled, sighing deeply as she prepared to call Eliza and check in with her, sending a second message to Eliza about her mother trying to contact her. Something was playing on her mind; however, she could have sworn that she told Walsingham to stop letting her messages though…

Walsingham!

She'd forgotten about him and her head rushed with adrenaline as she realised that Drake likely had all of her old gear.

I'm gonna be so screwed if he finds out I've brought a homemade espionage A.I. into the fleet!

She stood up and rummaged through her things, finding neither her Recon helmet, nor Walsingham, anywhere. Her hair stood on end and her skin erupted into goosebumps as she scrambled to get dressed, her wounds proving incredibly difficult to navigate with. Her shoulder was on fire as she pulled the black ONI fatigues over her head and slid a ponytail through the black baseball cap.

Okay, the only place they will be is the medical wing…

She rushed out the door, striding along the halls in the eerie quiet of a ship out of rotation and back to the elevator. Slipping inside just as the doors closed, she remained quiet as the groups of men and women in the lift stood chatting amongst themselves. A few gave her wary glances but Maddie was unconcerned, her thoughts rushing about, wondering how she could be so stupid.

The doors slid open and Maddie was first out, hobbling down the corridor and passed the medical bay to the porter's office. Knocking loudly on the door, a timid voice came in reply and she let herself in.

The girl at the desk looked flustered and tired but she frowned when she saw Maddie and her fatigues. "Oh, Ma'am, I didn't expect you to visit." she said, itching the back of her head.

"My helmet and equipment. When I was brought in, I had something in there I need" Maddie said, quickly, "do you know where it is?"

The girl nodded, "I do, sort of, it was picked up by Captain Drake."

The words hit her like a slap and Maddie's heart sunk.

Just another cock-up.

She shook her head, "when did this happen?"

"About a week ago" she shrugged.

"Great. Uh- thanks" Maddie said, leaving the woman to the mess on her desk.

She stepped out into the corridor and let out an angered groan, kicking nothing in particular as she let out a little frustration before slumping back against the wall and closing her eyes with a sigh.

"Good to know you're not enjoying yourself; I suppose." came a familiar voice as he wheeled a marine by in a chair.

Maddie's eye opened and sharpened, Davenport's was the last voice that she wanted drizzling poison into her ear and she grabbed him on the shoulder as her walked by.

"Listen here you p-" but Maddie stopped when she realised that Davenport wasn't wheeling the chair, he was in the chair.

"Oh, apologies" she said to the nurse as he blinked unflinchingly at her.

He wheeled Davenport around and let the two of them talk, stepping aside as James seethed up at me. He was a battered sight, he had gashes over his face and bruising everywhere but it wasn't that which caught Maddie's eye.

It was the stumps in place of his left leg and arm.

"This is your fault." he spat, "I hope you know that."

Maddie's eye's flashed, "That's not fair."

"No? Then why were we reassigned to that sector?"

Maddie remained silent.

"Did you even stop to think this might happen?" he asked, pointedly, "Did it ever cross your mind to think of the men under your command that might need you to see them through the fight?"

"Watch your mouth, Sergeant." Maddie replied, her face contorted with anger, "you're out of line."

"Fuck the line." he was frothing at the mouth like a hot cappuccino, "you stopped caring about that a long time ago, long before 'this' happened" he said, wafting at the places his limbs used to be.

"You know how big my mission is." was all she managed to say, finding it hard to disagree with the man.

It is my fault…

"Grow up, Maddie" he snorted, "you still really believe you're doing the right thing, don't you? I bet it must feel good that you survived that, right? You can go off and pursue your mission and leave us to deal with the fallout. You're a kid. A stupid kid and a coward and a selfish little-"

"Selfish?" she snapped, leaning down to his eye level, "Have you forgotten what happened on Skopje? What you did?"

Now it was James' turn to swallow, he looked taken aback, clearly, he'd overplayed his hand and now Maddie was going to remind him just who James Davenport was: a spineless coward, and a murderer.

"Do you remember how you got Ellen killed? Because I do, I remember how you and that miserable little ODST abandoned her when she needed help. She was a better woman, a better solder, and a better friend than you could ever be." she spat, literally onto his collar by accident but Maddie was too fired up to stop. "Did you ever stop to think about Ellen? About what might happen if you abandoned her to save your own sorry arse?"

Davenport was silent, his eyes shimmered with guilt.

"You see, that's the difference between me and you, James." she said, kneeling to his level and placing a hand on his left shoulder, "What I do is at least done with a greater good in mind."

Maddie made sure that his attendant could see that her expression had changed as he began to return, worried that the young agent might kill him judging by the expression on his face.

"You know my reasons and I made my choice" he said quietly, "you say whatever you have to say to sleep soundly at night, kid. We both could have been so much more than killers."

She stared at him; her mouth dry.

"Everything okay here?" the attendant asked with a raised brow.

Maddie didn't say anything, she couldn't. As much as she hated Davenport, he did have a point. It was a point that she wasn't stupid enough to ignore or rationalise away.

"Yeah, thanks, Jake. Can you just take me back to bed?" James said, watching her as he was spun around slowly and carted away. The attendant nodded and paid his respects to Maddie and took his leave, leaving her standing there watching them walk in silence down the corridor.

}{=}{

It was no real surprise to Maddie that by the time the blur of deep thought and aimless wandering had finished, she was sitting alone in the officer's lounge, brooding out of the window.

It's all my fault.

She sighed and looked around. It was quiet, as officer's lounges usually were. There were some friends in the far corner keeping the atmosphere alive, joking about some of their men and the hijinks the average swabbie gets up to. There was a bridge staffer chomping on a cigar over a data pad and two gunnery officers leaning against the bar, looking in Maddie's direction.

Maddie felt a little awkward. She was sat by the large window watching out into space but it was the central location she felt bad about. No doubt the large group of friends wanted the best alcove but they'd taken one glance at her gear, and the expression on her face and moved on. It wasn't that she meant to put them off, and she told herself that she'd have moved if she asked.

Still, she was glad they hadn't, the view was…

Incredible.

Hestia V loomed in the distance and Meridian moved beside it in a graceful curve that reminded her of a dancer's hips. The colours of the destruction playing out across the planet was gut wrenching but beautiful in a twisted sort of way. Maddie looked at the bottle of whiskey she'd claimed for herself, unopened and inviting. Her experience with vice told her not to drink it until she felt better, she vaguely remembered a saying of her Grandfathers, that a man should always drink when he is merry and never when he is miserable. A thin smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she thought of him, and she gazed out into space, trying to make out his fleet as it defended Meridian.

The two officers chuckled loudly to each other and looked away when Maddie glanced up at them. She might not have played for a while but she was familiar with the game. For a while she wondered whether she should go through with it, they were both tall, dark, and handsome. Perfect for one night, at least. She smiled when they next caught her eye and cracked open the bottle, deciding that a little release might just be what she needed. Maddie tried to pick one of them but eventually gave up and resolved to see which of them had the confidence to go through with it.

What if they both come over?

Maddie blushed at the thought, but ruled it out pretty quickly, when it inevitably got out, Katya would not be impressed. Katya hadn't spoken to her since the incident in the Elysium bunker, which was playing heavily on Maddie's mind. She'd never realised just how much devotion she had shown to her ONI career and as the day's had wound onwards, little memories had recontextualised themselves inside her head. Maddie felt a keen sense of shame about a lot of it and wanted to bury her head in the metal deck beneath her feet when she remembered a time that Katya had asked to borrow her textbook for help on a group project and Maddie had convinced herself that she was trying to steal the notes she had scribbled into the pages.

A glass was placed on the desk before her and Maddie looked up, expecting to see one of the two gunnery officers, smiling at her hungrily.

She was met with a smile, but it was the pained expression of a Captain who had seen a lot of men die recently. Commander Sterling, resplendent in his uniform sat back in the chair and lay his ankle across his knee in that wide and domineering way that men often did.

"Were you expecting someone else?" he asked, slyly.

Maddie glanced at the two officers but they were leaving, walking out of the room with frustrated looks on their faces.

Nothing for me then.

"No, Sir, I was not." she replied.

"Good, because I'm in a terrible mood and I could do with some company."

"That makes two of us, sir" Maddie said, glancing back at the door as it slid shut.

Sterling chuckled and poured some of the whiskey into the glass before holding the label up to the light so he could read it. "Ah, good taste, Harper. Do you drink it as a hobby?"

Maddie shook her head, "No, it's more my Grandad's thing, he would do all of those kinds of things with my oldest brother but…" she trailed off.

"You never got the chance." he said, knowingly.

Maddie nodded.

"Want me to show you?" he asked, moving the golden liquid around his glass.

Maddie shook her head slowly, "With respect, sir, I'm not sure I'm in the mood to appreciate it."

"I hear you." he said, nodding in agreement, "Two weeks into this deployment and I've buried half a dozen friends already, figuratively speaking. We took a glancing blow to the port side as we left Meridian. Remember that fire mission you needed?"

"Yeah, I remember." Maddie said, a little hoarsely, her throat drying up.

"It happened as we tried to re-join the fleet. Lost two whole decks to decompression." he said, shaking his head. "Damn, if it isn't a mess, I don't know what is."

There was a long silence. The two of them sat staring into space. Maddie looked out and saw the vast nothingness for the first time. It was terrifying to think that everything she had ever know was out in all of that, being slowly snuffed out by a force she wasn't capable of stopping.

"You ever wonder about life without this war?" He asked, still staring out into space.

"I try my best not to think about that, Sir."

"Why not? Is there nothing you want to do or see?" He said from beneath a sceptical brow.

"I've dedicated so much to this war…" she said, slowly, "It saved me from having to find out what I wanted, I suppose."

He took a sip of his drink and leaned back, staring at the girl as she chewed nervously on her lip. Though she was usually calm and collected, Maddie found herself feeling more than a little fragile. If she were to put it plainly, she felt more than just physically wounded by the whole experience.

"I guess I'm scared to look at myself and see that I have as little now as I did when my home was destroyed."

Sterling nodded, sagely. "Not a fun thought."

Maddie shook her head in agreement, "I guess not."

"I know how you feel, though. This job is rough, commanding a ship puts the lives of thousands in your hands" he said it bitterly, like it left a bad taste in his mouth. "Tens of thousands if you include their families as well."

"My mission…" she replied knowingly, "it's just the same"

That's a lie, its much bigger than that but… he doesn't want to be told his fight is insignificant. I mean, would I want to be told that about my mission?

He agreed, his eyes flashing knowingly in a silent dance with her own, "You want to know the really messed up thing?"

Maddie bobbed her head cautiously.

"When I'm up there, on the bridge, their existence doesn't even register with me. I just try to win." He said, quietly as he leaned forward.

"Thinking about their wellbeing, in the moment, that would be more of a threat to them than anything else. When I was in my darkest moment, a friend of mine rationalised his decisions by saying that all officers were killers. The good ones are murderers because they decide when their men need to die and what for. They don't waste life."

Sterling considered this for a moment, "I suppose in that moment, keeping myself alive and saving my crew are one and the same."

Maddie smiled a little and left it at that, for almost ten minutes the pair of them sat in quiet contemplation. It was neither awkward nor even noticed by either of them until a thought popped into Maddie's head.

"Sir, may I make a request." She asked with a little smirk.

"You can make one, Lieutenant, I can't promise I'll accept."

Maddie swallowed, "I'm going to be cooped up on this ship for a few weeks and I'm already going a bit crazy. I was wondering if you would let me help you out on the bridge? I might be able to provide intelligence tha-"

He held up a hand and Maddie paused, waiting for him to speak. He pondered for a moment before finishing his drink.

"What's ONIs angle?" He asked, his face turning icily serious.

"It's an unsanctioned request, Sir, my boss ordered bed rest."

"I like you Harper but I'm not about to take an ONI Lieutenant at her word." He chuckled.

"What insurance would you need?" She asked, hopefully.

"None that you can give me." He laughed, "I might have something, but there's a condition, and if you don't meet it, you can't do it."

Maddie nodded enthusiastically.

"What's the condition, Sir?"

Sterling leaned back in his chair and ran a hand through his hair.

"You need to be able to speak Sangheili."