The Mischief They Create Chapter 34: Blinded by the Sparks, a harry potter fanfic

WC: 4238

o . o . o

Blinded by the Sparks

Lily clutched her blush coat closer to her, long tendrils of coppery hair lifting in the air on the cool autumn breeze. The air was crisp and getting colder by the minute as the sun set below the London skyline. She picked up the pace, eager to get to the Leaky Cauldron so she could pick up her dinner and get home. Lily thought about the comfort of her couch and her sweats and the warmth of her rustic little fireplace.

It had been a long shift at the hospital, still tending to the victims of the terror attack last month. Most of them were getting better, and as a nurse she got to see their progress every day, unlike the doctors who checked in once a week at most and then moved along.

As she pushed open the door to the Leaky Cauldron, another patron came barreling out, knocking into her and sending her spinning backward. Only her hand on the door kept her from sprawling out on the pavement. The stranger mumbled a cursory apology and kept going, barely glancing in direction, and Lily tutted irritably before turning into the pub. It was as dark and dingy looking as ever, but its rundown appearance only concealed the truth that the Leaky Cauldron made the best damn burger in London.

"Picking up for Evans," she said, addressing Tom as she got to the bar.

He immediately grabbed a brown paper bag sitting on the counter behind him, and Lily laid some cash on the bar to cover it. Even though she'd known Tom, owner of the Leaky Cauldron, for the better part of a year now, he rarely spoke to her or anyone else. Only what was absolutely necessary to conduct his business. The chatting and charming of patrons he left to Dorcas, his main bartender slash waitress slash protege. Tom walked away as Lily checked the contents of the bag, making sure that her entire order was there (the food was great, but it wasn't entirely uncommon for an order of fries to be forgotten) before she left. Except… it wasn't right at all! A cajun salmon sandwich with avocado? Jalapeno shrimp poppers? She couldn't eat any of this!

"Hey Dorcas," Lily called, waving over the petite bartender. "I think I've got the wrong order, is mine back there?"

"I knew this was going to happen," Dorcas sighed, shaking her head. "The bloke that just left here was picking up an order for Evan. And you know Tom never properly checks the names before he hands them out. If you don't mind waiting a bit, we'll remake yours, I'll even get you a drink on the house."

"It's alright, he's only just left," Lily replied, already halfway out the door. "I'll just catch up with him and swap!"

She knew the guy had turned left out of the pub, so Lily set off in that direction, hoping that he hadn't gone too far. She vaguely remembered that he'd been wearing a deep blue hoodie and a sort of sage green baseball cap pulled low. When she reached the first street corner, she glanced in each direction, searching for any sign of him on the street. And then she caught a glimpse of the green hat about two blocks to her right, and she took off, dodging grumpy Londoners. It only took a minute to catch up to him, a little bit breathless (she really should make a point to exercise more).

"Excuse me," she said loudly, reaching out and tapping the stranger gently on the shoulder.

He turned around, surprised by the intrusion.

"Hi, you must be Evan," she continued, though something felt a bit off about the words as she said them. "There was a bit of a mix up with our orders at the pub, my last name is Evans, and so they swapped ours by mistake. And normally I'd just roll with it, but your order is all seafood and I'm allergic and frankly I spend enough time at the hospital without being a patient, so -"

She held up the bag of food in her hand, offering it to him. The man seemed stunned by the entire situation for a moment, his mouth open but no words coming out. The baseball cap kept his eyes in shadow, but Lily was quite sure they would have revealed confusion and surprise.

"Er, thanks, or sorry, I guess," he stumbled, unsure of how to respond.

"Hang on," Lily said, her hand falling back to her side with the food as her mind processed something. His voice sounded familiar, and there was something that just felt wrong when she had called him 'Evan'.

And then it clicked.

She knew exactly who he was, and his name was not Evan.

"You're James Potter," she said in an excited whisper.

"I…" he seemed to search for some kind of denial, but then his shoulders sagged in resignation. "Yeah, I am."

"I love your music," Lily sighed, somehow unable to stop herself from gushing. "I mean, the stuff with the Marauders was alright, not really my style, but your solo album is just beautiful."

"Thank you," James replied, blushing a little.

"What are you doing around here?" Lily asked, her brow furrowing as she looked around the neighborhood where they currently stood. It was nice enough, certainly not slums or anything, but definitely not where she would expect to find a celebrity.

"Oh, um, I've got an airBnB not far from here," he explained, waving vaguely. "But a friend of mine grew up in this area, and she said I should go to the Leaky Cauldron for dinner. Said it was the best food in town."

"Well your friend is right, that's for sure," Lily grinned, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear absentmindedly. "Anyway, sorry, here's your food, I'll let you go."

James hesitated as they exchanged bags of food, debating something in his mind.

"Do you… would you want to come have dinner with me?" he asked. "I don't really know anyone in the city and I wouldn't mind the company."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, trying to assess the situation. He seemed nice enough, but he was still a rockstar. And the Marauders were well known for their partying antics in their heyday. Did he really just not want to eat dinner alone or was he chatting her up? Still, Mary was on the night shift, so it's not like there was really anyone else she could hang out with. Besides, she could always just leave, and I met James Potter and he hit on me would make for an excellent story to tell the girls at the hospital.

"Okay, sure," she agreed. "Lead on."

James bowed his head as he started walking, and it occurred to Lily that being spotted with a new girl out and about in London was probably the last thing that James wanted. She tried to keep something resembling a distance from him and look as detached as possible, but in reality she had no idea what she was doing.

"It's just up here," James said at last, turning down an alleyway.

Lily stopped at the entrance to the alley with a skeptical look. Wasn't this exactly the kind of thing that happened in horror movies that had the entire audience screaming Don't do it!? When he noticed she wasn't following anymore, he let out a soft chuckle.

"It's got a private entrance," he explained, pointing toward a doorway just next to him. "I promise, nothing creepy."

Lily smiled and followed him.

"Isn't a private entrance actually worse for you?" Lily asked as they climbed the stairs inside. "I mean, anyone who goes with you is obviously with you. Can't pretend that they're just going to another apartment or something."

"Yeah, but it's not about that," James explained. "It's about security. Nobody can follow me in unless I want them to, nobody can get buzzed in by another tenant, nothing like that. It's safer."

"Has anyone ever tried to do something like that to you?" she asked, curious.

"Sirius gets it a lot more, but yeah." He shrugged. "It's been going on so long, it kind of just feels like a fact of life at this point. You get used to it."

"That sounds horrible."

James shrugged again as they reached the top of the stairs. He pushed open the door to the flat he was renting, letting Lily enter first. She looked around at the ultramodern decor and wondered to herself if James would choose to decorate his own apartment this way.

"How do you get used to it?" she asked, thinking about all the changes his lifestyle must mean.

"Honestly? I don't know," he answered thoughtfully, setting his food down on the island in the kitchen and grabbing some plates from the cabinet. "I was so young when we started - only fifteen - I have no idea what it's like to be an adult and not be like this."

Lily hummed, thinking over his words and wondering how anyone could want that. And why were people so intently curious about the lives of others? Why couldn't celebrities just be allowed to live in peace?

"So you never said your name," James asked as he moved his own meal onto a plate and holding the other out to Lily.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she replied, shaking her head with a small grin. "It's Lily. Lily Evans."

"Nice to meet you, Lily."

"You too."

"So what do you do?" he asked as she served herself.

"Oh, I'm a nurse at University College Hospital," Lily answered, popping one of the chips into her mouth as she walked over to the sofa where James was sitting.

"That sounds exciting," James replied. "Do you work in A&E?"

"Sometimes, but mostly I'm with long-term trauma recovery patients," she explained. "And I like getting to stay with the same patients, it makes me feel like I really play a bigger role in helping them get better. Maybe some of them actually remember the nice nurse who helped take care of them. It's silly but -"

"I don't think it's silly at all," he said, jumping in quickly. "In fact, I think it's incredibly honourable."

Lily felt the color rise on her cheeks, heat radiating from her under the intensity of his gaze. His eyes were so much more beautiful than any picture had ever captured - a hazel that had so many different colours layered inside. There were flecks of deep gold amidst sage green, liquid amber around the pupil, and a forest green ring around the outside. They were hypnotizing, especially when they seemed to reach deep inside her soul.

Lily told him stories about her patients and the progress they were making, her excitement about her job bubbling forth. She told him about her friends, her family, and her time at university. James shared stories from his childhood and when the band first formed, talking about how they wrote their songs and what it felt like to perform to a full stadium audience. Before either of them realized it, it was nearly midnight, the moon hanging high and bright in the sky.

"I should get going," Lily said, looking out the window and trying to ignore the little spark that had begun to flicker in her heart. After all, there was no hope in it. He was one of the most popular people on the planet and she was just… normal.

"You don't have to," James replied, a soft smile playing about his lips as he swept his fingers through his hair. "It's late and if you don't want to walk alone, there is a guest bedroom, you would be welcome to it."

See, there you go, Lily thought to herself. That's put you in your place, hasn't it? He's definitely not interested.

"That's alright," she answered, standing from the couch and gathering her discarded plates and headed toward the kitchen. "I'll be fine, really. My flat isn't too far from here, just like… twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes is not far?" he said incredulously as he followed her to the kitchen.

When Lily turned around, he was right behind her, so close that she felt like one of those static machines was sending little bolts of electricity between each of them.

"Can I see you again?" James asked, leaning forward just a little bit.

Lily felt her heartbeat quicken, and the urge to kiss him nearly overwhelmed her.

"Why?" she stammered, suddenly giving voice to her thoughts.

"Because I like you," he answered, stepping closer and reaching for her waist with only the lightest, inquiring touch.

"Why me?" she repeated, feeling like her brain was turning to mush at his touch, unable to make sense of even the simplest things. "I'm not special, I'm nobody."

"That's not true," James whispered, reaching on hand up to cup her cheek and brush his thumb across her porcelain skin. "You are so much more than I could ever hope to be."

Gently, he closed the gap, softly pressing his lips to hers. He was tentative, waiting for her answer, waiting to know if she felt the spark between them too. Lily didn't waste any time, leaning into his kiss and returning it with enthusiasm. When she pulled away a moment later, she smiled genuinely.

"I would love to see you again," Lily said, happiness coursing through her.

o . o . o Six Months Later o . o . o

Lily padded across the flat on bare feet, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as she started making coffee. Her shift the night before had been trying as well as long - it always took an exceptional toll when she lost one of her patients. James was meeting with studio executives for the day, leaving her on her own for most of her day off.

Lily sipped her coffee slowly and spent the morning reading the news and then reading a few of the new medical journal issues that had come out recently. The morning passed slowly, and by eleven she felt the need to get moving. She got dressed for a run, but before leaving she stopped at James' desk to grab his headphones, which were so much better than hers.

She noticed a few papers on the desk that she didn't remember being there before, and she felt both excitement and curiosity. In all likelihood they were lyrics to a new song, and Lily couldn't resist getting a sneak peek. James had insisted that he didn't want to share anything new until it was perfect, but she wanted to see the work in progress as well. She sank into the chair and picked up the papers, which turned out to be three separate songs.

Lily wasn't entirely sure what she had expected to see in the songs, but she knew it wasn't what she was reading. They were breakup songs - full of longing, regret, confessions of a love that hadn't died. Truthfully, they were beautiful. Even without a melody, they were tugging unbidden at her heart. They made his feelings very clear, and that chilled Lily's blood until it felt like ice was coursing through her.

He loved someone else. There was no other conclusion to draw from the lyrics in her hands. James might like her, sure, but he was still madly in love with his girl who got away, and he would always want her. Lily wasn't sure what to do with that information, but she felt completely frozen, unable to move or tear her eyes away from the words that had just turned her life and her relationship upside down.

When James walked into the flat two hours later, bouncing happily after his meetings with the studio, Lily was still sitting in the same place with a blank, haunting expression.

"Lily?" he called out, seeing her motionless and unresponsive to his appearance. "Everything okay?"

He walked over to her, pressing a kiss to her temple, and then saw what was in her hands. In a heartbeat, he knew that it couldn't be good that she had seen the songs, not when she was sitting like this, looking completely wrecked. She seemed to be struggling to figure out what to say, conflict and hurt clear on her face. James wanted to explain, to tell her that the songs didn't mean anything, but he wasn't sure she would believe him.

"I can't believe I was so stupid," Lily whispered, finally finding the words she was looking for.

"Lily, what are you talking about?" James asked, confused and reeling.

"I'm not enough for you. I never was," she said, looking at him with eyes filled with betrayal. "I never could be, could I?"

"That's not true," James denied, desperate for her to understand. "You're everything to me."

"But I'm not her," Lily replied, brandishing the papers sharply. "I'm never going to be her, and you're always going to want her."

"No," he said, shaking his head violently. "Lily, listen to me, I wrote those songs a long time ago, things were different then, I didn't know you yet."

"So you met me and everything magically changed?" she protested, looking at him skeptically.

"No, I moved on and got over that relationship, and then I met you," he argued, but Lily just scoffed at him.

"I was a fool to believe that this would work," she said, pushing away from the desk and standing up. "I should have known. You'll never be happy with someone like me."

"I am happy with you," James appealed, wishing he could break through the wall that Lily had thrown up and make her understand. "Lily, please don't do this, don't run away. Trust me, believe in me and how much I love you, because it's so much more than you know."

Lily shook her head, stepping back from him as tears pooled in her eyes. She couldn't find it in her to take that leap. She couldn't trust him, not when she'd been half waiting for him to see the truth since this whole thing had started. She wasn't good enough for him, and her life was never going to be compatible with his. It was time to walk away.

"I can't do this anymore," she whispered, turning away.

"Lily, please stop," James begged, moving in front of her and gently holding her shoulders to keep her from walking away.

"Don't you get it, James?" Lily burst, her voice cracking with emotion. "This isn't going to work, we just don't fit. I read those words and you might think you're over it, but the lyrics don't lie! I don't even know who they're about, but it's clear that that's the kind of love that doesn't go away. I can't be your second choice, I'm not a consolation prize."

"I know that," he said, gritting his teeth to try to tame his temper which was beginning to flare at the wounds her words were inflicting.

"This was never going to work," Lily repeated. "It's better to walk away now, before it hurts too much."

"You know, honestly - do whatever you want," James hissed, releasing his hold on her as his temper got the best of him. "I don't care anymore."

Lily turned and walked away, closing the door to the flat quietly behind her. As soon as her feet hit the pavement outside the building, her tears began to fall, the pain already setting in. But it was better this way, she just had to keep telling herself that. This was better. Ten minutes later, her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out, hoping to see a message from Mary, but instead, a text from James lit up her screen. The words she saw made her tears begin anew, her heart constricting painfully as her mind battled the idea that maybe she had been wrong.

You need to fight for something, even if that something isn't me.

o . o . o One Month Later o . o . o

Lily plopped down onto her sofa and flipped the tv on, tuning to the Graham Norton show, like she did every Friday night. She opened the styrofoam container holding her burger and chips, ready to dig in.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special guest with us tonight," Norton said in his usual conspiratorial voice. "It's his first solo appearance on the show, so let's try not to frighten him too bad, else he might not come back! Please welcome James Potter!"

Lily's heart stopped as her ex-boyfriend bounced out, a smile plastered on his face. He looked exactly the same. Not that she really expected him to change completely in the past month, but some small indication that their breakup had affected him would've been nice.

"Now, James, if I may, you've got a new single out, haven't you?" Norton asked, launching straight into his interview the moment James' arse touched the famous red couch.

"I have, yeah," James answered, a strange tightness in his voice.

"It's quite a bit different from the rest of your forthcoming album, I understand," Norton pressed. "I mean, the other songs we've heard have all been a bit achy-breaky, and even the title of the album - Hurricane of Heartbreak - suggests that you've had quite a tough year."

"I suppose it is predominantly a breakup album in a sense, yeah," James answered, looking more bashful than Lily had ever seen him. "But hopefully not all in a doom and gloom sort of way."

"No, no, not at all," Norton agreed. "Parts of it are quite upbeat! But this new single is quite a bit more optimistic. It talks of marriage and finding your soulmate - is there someone new? A balm to all the heartbreak? Or is it just a harkening back to the early days of the relationship that ended?"

"You know, Graham, if there's one thing I've learned in the decade that I've been doing this, it's that some things should stay private. You can't give people every part of you. That song was inspired by a separate experience, and that's all I'll say on the matter."

"How mysterious!"

Lily felt like her heart was in her throat. She hadn't heard this new song, but it seemed like there was little doubt that it was about her, about their relationship. It doesn't matter, she insisted to herself, trying to calm her frantic thoughts. He probably wrote it before you split. It's just a fantasy, that's all.

"Will we hear you play the new single tonight?" Norton asked, his curious voice bringing Lily's attention back to the tv.

"No," James said firmly. "No, I'm not sure I'll ever play that song live."

"Oh dear!" Norton whined before cuing a commercial break.

Something in James' manner, in the tightness in his voice and the pain in his beautiful hazel eyes told Lily that it wasn't over for him. This song wasn't something he'd written before and tossed aside after. It meant something, and she couldn't ignore that. Lily was overcome with a need to express herself, and all the regret that had been coursing through her for the past month. She had been feeling like she made a mistake, but she'd been insisting to herself that it was just the normal heartbreak feeling. But now she knew - this was so much more. She had been wrong, and if there was any chance to fix it, she had to jump on it.

Lily pulled out her phone, wishing she could do this differently, but James wouldn't be able to answer for ages still and she couldn't wait. She tapped her message out, choosing her words with care and hoping that he would feel her sincerity.

I'm sorry. There's so much more to say, but that needs to come first. I was so wrong, and so scared, and I should never have left or said the things I did. I miss you so much it hurts. If you think you can forgive me, give me a call when you see this. I'll be up.

She hit send without rereading, worried she would lose her nerve if she didn't send it right away. She turned back to the show, paying little attention to the rest of the interviews. Her heartbeat stuttered when James took the stage to perform, but she barely even heard the song, watching him so intently. The rest of the show passed in a blur, and Lily barely noticed when the programming changed to a rerun of Doctor Who.

A knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts. She threw her blanket off and ran to the door, her heart pounding with hope. Lily flung the door open to find James standing on the other side.

"Did you mean it?" he asked, his expression a mixture of hope and absolutely wrecked, like she had torn his heart apart by dangling this shred of hope in front of him and it would only be healed if it was true.

"Every word," Lily confirmed. "I need you, James. I don't want to be without you."

"Thank god," he breathed, surging forward to wrap her in a hug. "Let's not ever split up again, okay?"

"Deal," she agreed, leaning into his embrace and feeling more at home than she had in the past month.