Chapter 13

"Touch your thumb to your first finger."

Merlin did as he was told with ease.

"Excellent. Now try your middle finger."

This proved to be slightly more difficult. Merlin still couldn't move three of his fingers despite the operations. He managed to touch the base of his finger and slide his thumb nearly half way up. But he couldn't get past there. The same went for his ring finger but when it came to his pinky, he couldn't even get the tiniest bit of contact.

"Ok, let's see if we can get some movement in that wrist," the physio positioned Merlin's hand and forearm so his palm was facing downwards, "Keep your arm still but move your hand from side to side like you're waving."

Merlin tried. In the end, it looked more like his hand was shaking violently but it was improvement.

"Great," the physio smiled, "We'll leave upper arm movement for now, I don't want your surgeons after me if I pull on your shoulder too much. You've done really well."

"Thanks."

"Keep up with the exercises I've shown you, when I see you next week, we'll do some work on your shoulder."

"Ok, thank you."

"Happy to be going home?" the physio asked while Merlin put his jacket over his shoulders carefully.

"Really happy. It feels like it's been so much longer than it actually has been."

"It'll be nice to have some normality."

Merlin nodded shook the physio's hand and left to head to the main reception so he could get discharged. He signed all the forms and waited in the car park for Arthur.

"You brought all your bags down by yourself," Arthur scolded when he saw them, "Be careful."

"I barely have any, Arthur," Merlin kissed him, "It's fine. You brought the dogs?"

"I thought we could go for a walk. Vilia got all her injections and Morgana wants to take her out to the woods. Want to come?"

"I could do with the fresh air."

They met Arthur's sister and her family in in the little park outside the woods and followed the trail. Their puppy was very excited and wanted to explore absolutely everything. Killi seemed to have decided he was some sort of parent to Vilia and followed her everywhere. Luke toddled after them happily, blabbing away to no one.

"Uncle Merlin?"

"Yes?" he replied to Belle patiently. She, as usual, was firing questions at everyone constantly.

"Why doesn't your arm work anymore?"

"Belle!" Leon scolded gently.

Merlin laughed, "Don't worry," he looked at Belle, "I got hurt and the bits in my arm that send messages to my brain got damaged so they don't work anymore."

"Your brain got hurt?"

"No, just the parts that send messages to my brain so I can't do anything with my arm."

"Nothing?"

"Not much. Watch, I can do pincers like a crab," he tapped his finger and thumb together quickly.

Belle giggled, "That's easy."

"It is for you."

They walked for a very long time through the woods. Leon had to carry Vilia for a short while when she got tired and disinterested. During that time, Luke walked beside Merlin, holding his hand. They all went back to Morgana's house to eat dinner together and then Arthur took Merlin home.

Merlin was sitting in the kitchen, elbow propped up on the table and lifting his forearm up and down continuously.

"Alright, no need to show off," Arthur grinned as he came in, "Ready to go to bed?"

Merlin nodded tiredly.

"Ok?" Arthur checked.

"Something feels wrong," Merlin admitted.

Arthur frowned, "You might just be tired. Big day."

Merlin nodded, "Maybe."

"Come on."

Merlin slept for a lot of the next few days. He felt inexplicably exhausted, probably because of the past few weeks catching up to him. Arthur was starting to get a bit worried when, on the fifth day, Merlin was still struggling to get himself up. In all fairness, he had been through a lot and it was tiring. But it wasn't like him to stay confined in bed all day.

"Do you want to go for a walk with the dogs?" Arthur came in one morning with some coffees.

Merlin mumbled a bit, "Not today."

"Are you alright, gorgeous?" Arthur sat on the edge of the bed and put the drinks down.

"I don't feel well, Arthur."

"Still?"

Merlin shook his head.

Arthur kissed Merlin on his temple and then sighed, "You're boiling."

"Infection?"

"Maybe. I'll phone the doctors. Drink your coffee."

"Thank you."

"Ok," Arthur came back into the bedroom, "They had one in twenty minutes or in three days."

Merlin pursed his lips, "So let me guess, I need to get my bum out of bed because we need to be in the doctor's office in twenty minutes?"

"Exactly. Come on, up. I'll make breakfast."

"We can eat when we get back. Hopefully it won't take long."

"Ok. But you're having some fruit in the car."

They got dressed, finished their drinks and fed the dogs, planning to walk them when they got back. Arthur drove them to the GP and signed them in. Surprisingly, there wasn't much of a wait and they were soon sitting before Merlin's doctor. They unwrapped his shoulder, and the doctor looked it over. It wasn't difficult to see it was very clearly and deeply infected.

"Is it going to affect the recovery?" Merlin asked, terrified of the answer.

Hard to say. At the moment, it looks like the infection is just around the skin, probably from the surgery. But if it does get any deeper, it could starting causing issues. Take the course of antibiotics, come back when you've had all of them or if it gets worse."

"Alright."

"Keep up with all your exercises, though, don't let this put you off. You know how risky surgeries are, this isn't uncommon. Get lots of rest. When are you going back to work?"

"Tomorrow," Merlin said determinedly.

"Give it another few days," the doctor advised, "The medicine I've supplied is strong, you'll need to get used to any side-effects."

And, as much as Merlin complained about it at the time, when he was sitting on the floor beside the toilet in the middle of the night, throwing up, it turned out to be a very good idea to take some more time off work. Arthur came in with a dressing gown and a cup of water for Merlin. He wrapped his husband up in the dressing gown and helped him take a sip.

"Who said medicine was meant to help?" Merlin spat with a painful sigh.

Arthur chuckled and perched on the end of the bath.

"Sorry I disturbed you," Merlin muttered.

"Don't worry."

"It's hard to hop quietly when you're in a rush and only have one arm to keep balance with."

"I can imagine. Is it definitely the medicine?"

Merlin nodded as he flushed the toilet, "That's gross."

"Do you want anything to eat?"

"Not until the morning."

"Alright. Ready to go back to bed?"

"Yeah."

Arthur helped Merlin up and took most of his weight as he brushed his teeth and then went back into their bedroom.

"This is the worst medicine I've had," Merlin groaned, cuddling up to Arthur closely.

"Really?"

"Tastes awful, difficult to swallow, makes my head spin and my stomach turn. I can't think straight, and I don't feel any better from the infection."

"It's barely been half a day," Arthur kissed his temple.

"It's so frustrating."

"I know. Well," he corrected, "I don't know but-"

"You understand," Merlin finished, "I'm so scared. I wish someone just had a definite answer of what was going to happen to me."

"So do I."

Merlin rested his head on Arthur's chest, "Can we go to work tomorrow? I'm sick of doing nothing."

"Merls, I don't know if you're well enough."

"We need to be at work Arthur, it's really busy at the moment as we're managers of the biggest branch."

"Percy's managing." As the only member of the management team who wasn't assigned to a particular job, Percival had been covering for them as remote manager of Albion. But because there was now no one left to do his usual jobs and he was doing a job meant for two.

"It's not fair. And Morgana's holiday is soon. We need to be back."

"We'll see how you feel in the morning. And I decide if you're well enough."

"Ok, deal."

"And you have to be honest with me."

Merlin yawned as he nodded, feeling himself getting heavier in Arthur's arms.

"Get some sleep."

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Somehow, Merlin managed to convince Arthur that he was well enough to go to work. He should have known it probably wasn't the best idea but he couldn't deny that they'd been off for a short while and they were missing it. Merlin managed to get through most of the morning but slept over lunchtime on a sofa in one of the meetings rooms. It seemed to affect Gwaine quite a bit and he kept tapping his foot and twirling his pen around his fingers.

"If this infection does get deeper and stops him recovering, will he lose his progress or just not make more?"

"What do you mean?" Arthur glanced up.

"Like he can move a couple of his fingers at the moment and lift his arm and stuff," Gwaine clarified, "So if this doesn't get under control, will he go back to when it didn't work at all or just never be able to improve from where he is now?"

"I don't know," Arthur admitted, "It might depend on how bad it is."

Gwaine nodded and went back to his work for a few minutes before looking up again, "Because if it all goes wrong, what'll happen then?"

"Gwaine-" Percival said warningly.

"No, but seriously? Does he lose it? Does it stay strapped up uselessly for the rest of his life?"

"It depe-" Arthur started.

"On the infection," Gwaine finished, "A lot seems to be depending on that."

"Because that's the issue. And we know it's annoying, Gwaine, it's horrible," Arthur said, "But, just like everything that's everything that's ever happened to him, we're going to deal with it. There's nothing else we can do."

"Doesn't that annoy you?"

"More than it annoys you," Arthur said.

"And doesn't it make you want to do something?"

"Of course it does. But do you know why I don't? Because what it does to me is nothing compared to what it does to Merlin. And as far as I'm concerned and you should be concerned, he is more important than us when it comes to his health. In this one, particular situation, I don't care about how I feel about it, I only care about how he feels."

Gwaine pursed his lips, "Right."

"Gwaine," Merlin walked into the room, "It'll be alright. I understand that you just want me to get better, and I appreciate that. But really, what's an arm compared to a leg? I've lost one, does another make a difference? That was a joke, please don't kill me," he sat down in his chair, "I don't know what it's like for you all to watch me go through this," he was talking mainly to Gwaine even though he knew everyone else was listening, "It's probably frustrating and upsetting and I'm sorry. It's a type of pain I don't understand. But like Arthur said, we're going to deal with it. It's not just awful things that happen to me. And while they do seem to be quite overwhelming, there are some good things too. From time to time. So please, please can we stop getting so depressed every time I get even a papercut? It's not killed me, I'm still here, I'm still your friend, I still love all of you. Does that not make you happy, Gwaine?"

He paused and then grinned, "Not really. You can be very annoying. And I get a lot more work done when you're not here to distract me."

Merlin smiled back.

"Speaking of work," Morgana said, but she was smiling, "If you could actually finish those files today, Gwaine, it would be spectacular. Poor Eoghan's been asking for them for ages."

"Alright, alright. On it."

Arthur squeezed Merlin's hand, winked at him and then rushed to answer the phone which was ringing on his desk.

Later that night, Arthur poked his head around the living room door and smiled softly. Merlin was fast asleep, draped across the sofa. The TV was still on, flicking through channels because Merlin's finger was trapped pressing one of the buttons. Arthur turned the TV off and quickly checked Merlin's temperature, sighing when it burnt his hand just as much as it had for the past week.

Arthur quickly ushered Killi and Aithusa out, filled up their water bowl and returned to the living room. He took Merlin's hand and stroked the back of it with his thumb. Merlin didn't stir at all so Arthur just gathered him up in his arms, keeping him wrapped up in the blanket he'd been sleeping in.

"Arthur," Merlin opened his eyes a little bit.

"Sh, it's ok."

"I'm cold."

"We'll be in bed soon."

Merlin nodded, "You can still carry me."

"I'm still strong and you're still light. Light and sleepy."

"Yeah. Drugs."

"They're strong. We shouldn't have gone to work."

"I wanted to."

"I know. I'm proud of you for what you said to Gwaine."

"What did I say?"

Arthur chuckled, "Doesn't matter. Go to sleep."

"Got to get changed."

Arthur rolled his eyes, opened the bedroom door with his back and flicked the lights on. "Go on, then. Get changed."

Merlin pouted tiredly and started wrestling with his shirt buttons while Arthur watched in entertainment. "Can't do it with one hand."

"No," Arthur smiled, "Let me."

"You're so cute when you're sleepy," Arthur said a little bit later when they were both ready for bed and curled up. Killi had come up to sit with them too and they could hear Aithusa on the stairs.

"So are you."

"Yeah?"

Merlin hummed, "Funny and cute. Like me."

Arthur laughed, "Sure. Go to sleep, Merls. We'll stay off work tomorrow."

"Just the morning?"

"We'll talk about it."

Merlin's fever was still raging the next morning when Arthur woke up. He went downstairs to sort the dogs out and then retrieved the tea towel which he'd tactfully put in the fridge the night before. He went upstairs with the tea towel, gently put it on Merlin's forehead and then switched the big thick duvet for a thinner blanket.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Arthur asked gently when Merlin's eyes fluttered.

Merlin rolled onto his side and shook his head.

"Ok. No work today, then?"

Merlin groaned.

"Alright. I'll go get you some water."

"Thank you."

Arthur helped Merlin take a few sips of water and swallow his medicine. "Sit up or lie down?"

"Lie down."

"Do you want me to open a window?"

"No. Stay here."

"Let me just go and get the dogs. Cuddles?"

"Yeah."

While Arthur was downstairs he called Morgana to tell her they wouldn't be in work that day. He then ran Merlin a cool bath, carefully placed his husband into it and watched carefully as he bathed.

"This sucks," Merlin groaned later while he dried himself off.

"Is it the infection or the medication?"

"I don't know. Can we stop the meds, though? They're not helping, they're making me feel worse."

"I don't know, Merls, you're meant to take the full course. It's only been a few days."

"They make me feel awful."

"I'll call your doctor later," Arthur promised, "Is your hair dry?"

Merlin nodded.

"Nap downstairs or upstairs?"

"Up."

"Alright. Can you hop through or do you want me to take you?"

"Can you get the crutches?"

"Yeah."

Merlin sweated so much over the next few days that Arthur had to change the bed sheets five times. By that point, the doctors had admitted something wasn't right and changed the antibiotics. The new ones still didn't really do anything for the infection or fever but seemed to give Merlin lots of energy and kept him awake all the time. Needless to say when it came to going to bed at night, Arthur was not happy with the new arrangement. Merlin kept him awake for hours, chatting and laughing which was enjoyable to an extent but after three nights, Arthur was desperate for some peace.

"Merlin, gorgeous, please can you just settle for a few minutes? I'm tired."

"Sorry. I'll be quiet."

He was true to his word. A little too true. After only a few minutes, he was off again on some sort of exciting news about the book he was reading.

"Merls, I don't know who any of these people are," Arthur said a little impatiently.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I can explain."

"No it's ok. You go back to reading."

"Ok."

The next morning, Arthur was on the phone to the doctor again. They decided it would be best for Merlin and Arthur to go in and speak with the GP properly. So they quickly got ready, piled into the car and headed off.

"Ok, the good news is that the infection seems to be a little bit better."

"That sounds like there's bad news."

"The medicine isn't helping," the doctor said.

"So what do we do?"

"Well it does seem to be clearing up. You can carry on with the antibiotics you're on at the moment, try a different set or just stop."

"Please," Arthur said, "Do not continue with the ones you're currently on."

Merlin smirked, "I'll just stop. That won't be dangerous, right?"

"No. Just keep a really close eye on it and I'll prescribe you some cream to put on it. Arthur can help you, keep it away from the scar from your op, but put a generous amount around the edges."

"So what, the infection will clear and he'll be fine?"

"With time. Lots of time. But yes. Keep it clean, keep checking on it, call me if you even suspect it's getting worse. And make sure to drink plenty of water. Your fever's likely to continue."

Merlin sighed, "Alright."

"I can't believe you're not tired," Arthur said when they were home.

Merlin laughed, "Can we go for a walk?"

"Sure, come on."

They got back into the car with the dogs and all the dogs' stuff, and drove to a nearby country park where there was a huge lake for them to walk around.

"Come down here," Merlin said, pointing to a little muddy slope on their left beside the lake.

"Be careful," Arthur warned.

Merlin nodded and within seconds they were overlooking the water from a bank.

"What's wrong with the view from the path?"

"I want to talk to you," Merlin said.

"Yeah? What's wrong?"

Merlin moved his eyes to Killi who was paddling in the shallows of the water while Aithusa sniffed at some herbs.

"Freya and my mum had an argument. A huge argument."

"What about?" Arthur was shocked.

"Matt wanted to take the babies across the country so they could visit his family. Mum said they were too young and they shouldn't go. Apparently she was completely adamant, looked scared at the thought of them going anywhere. So Freya asked if it was because she didn't want to be by herself. I don't know how it escalated. But Matt said they were shouting and screaming and crying. And there was no emotional make up afterwards. Freya and Matt took the babies to Matt's family and haven't been back since. They don't even try to call each other. Matt doesn't know what to do."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"My arm. You've been so worried about it, I can tell. We've been trying to keep out of drama since," he paused, "Well, since everything that happened before. I know we said we wanted a calm, happy life."

"Why are you telling me now?"

"Because Freya got arrested last night."

"Arrested," Arthur repeated dumbly.

"Driving under influence. With the twins in the car. Not strapped in."

"No."

Merlin nodded, "She hit a kerb, scraped the side of the car against a traffic light. Rose's car seat fell off the back seat and she fell out of that. Freya was passed out drunk at the wheel."

"Why?"

"Because yesterday would have been Will and dad's birthday."

"They had the same birthday?"

"Yeah," Merlin smiled, "It's always been a difficult day for Freya. But when she'd fallen out with mum, Matt was out with his family and I'm sick and miles away, no one was there to help when she needed it."

"That's so unlike her."

"Yeah. She could go to prison, Arthur. Probably will."

"It'll be alright. Are the twins ok?"

"They're fine. Matt picked them up but he's struggling with what happened."

"Is he angry?"

"Almost definitely. But he feels guilty, he knows the day is always rough on her and he wasn't there."

"And your mum?"

"Devastated. But she has no way of getting over there. I don't know what to do."

Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin carefully, "Try not to think about it for now. We'll go home, order something nice for dinner and figure out a plan while we eat."

"I was their big brother, Arthur. I was meant to look out for them. And now Will's dead, Freya's in prison and I'm stuck here."

Arthur nodded in understanding, "We'll figure it out. Let's get home, dry the dogs off and get something to eat." He kissed Merlin, "I love you."

"Love you."

The dogs had gone for a paddle in the lake while Merlin and Arthur had been talking so Arthur had to dig the towels out of the boot for them to sit on. They were silent in the car, thinking over everything Merlin had just revealed.