Second Choice
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: From a fan prompt (Castle goes to the Hamptons alone, while there he and Alexis meet divorced Jordan Shaw and her daughter. A few dinners together lead to a hookup. What happens next? COMPLETELY AU, Some Scenes and events used to enhance the story,
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we take MANY liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events from other Canon episodes to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
Chapter 14
Outside Doctor Burke's Office
Next Morning, 6:45 AM
/_/
Kate hadn't slept at all; she couldn't get her conversation with Jordan out of her mind. Did she really still have an opportunity with Rick? The only way to find out for sure was to get her act together, and follow the advice of the experts on how to bridge their friendship first, then hope he still felt the same way about her.
She had already had two cups of coffee, yes coffee, it didn't seem as bitter somehow today, she was carrying her third cup in the to-go cup. She was pacing when Doctor Burke opened the door from the hall and greeted her.
"Hi Kate, it's good to see you, please give me about five minutes and we'll get started," he said with his smile, she often wondered if he ever got angry. He always seemed so composed and had all the facts right at hand. She could only imagine being a member of his family being analyzed, even when she had tried to hide facts, he knew. She dodged that bullet with her parents, even though she was sure her Mom had covered for her lies as she grew up.
The door opened and he welcomed her in with his hand and smile, "How have you been Kate, it's been a while since we last spoke, anything of urgency that brings you to see me today?" He asked getting right down to business.
"I've been good," as she noticed his brow wrinkle, "that's a lie, I've been miserable but it's nothing that I haven't caused myself," she said,
"Please explain Kate, I have a feeling this has to do with the unresolved feelings for your partner that seemed to be a taboo topic with you during our visits. Please be specific of what is bothering you and what you would like to gain from our sessions." He said as he sipped his tea and settled his pad in a writing position.
"Well, Castle, eh Rick isn't my partner, in fact, he took a completely different route, he is a Federal Agent working for the New York office of the FBI. He ran into a female agent almost a year ago at his party in the Hamptons, and well, long story short she was the same agent that worked with us on the case where my apartment was bombed." Kate said, trying to hold her emotions in,
"I seem to recall; Mr. Castle was the one that carried you from your burning building and you actually stayed with him and his family as you searched for new accommodations. Please don't tell me that this lady FBI agent is Jordan Shaw, the one you were jealous of during that case?" He flipped some pages from his notepad,
"I wasn't jealous of Jordan, it just was that Castle was fawning all over himself, it was embarrassing," Kate said, with a frown from Dr. Burke, even she didn't believe her words. "OK, I was a little jealous, and I didn't have the right then, or now." Kate backtracked
"Then why are you still upset over a historical event?" Doctor Burke asked,
"Well, it's not so historical, he, I mean Rick and Jordan are a couple, or at least they were until two weeks ago" She blurted out to a surprised Doctor.
"I'm sorry Kate, we're going to need to go back to the beginning and start over on this, you have lost me with this statement." He frowned
"Well, Jordan and her husband divorced over a year ago, she relocated to New York to head the FBI Field Office here from Chicago. During Rick's Memorial Day party, she accompanied other guests and I guess they hit it off, almost immediately. Well, the relationship was definitely more than friends, by her own account.
"Two weeks ago, I caught my boyfriend, Doctor Josh Davidson in a compromising situation with a nurse in a supply room at the hospital" she was interrupted,
"Kate, excuse me, how did you come to learn of the doctor's indiscretion, and what was going on in Mr. Castle's life, you said you hadn't seen him in some time." Doctor Burke asked, looking more confused than ever.
"Well, my jackass boyfriend butt-dialed me on his cellphone as they were getting ready to begin and I got there just in time to open the door on them, I even recorded it in case he decided to try something nasty. So far, he's collected his personal items and I haven't heard from him.
"I was devastated that day, so I took the remainder of the day off, and went for a walk in the park, that's where I saw Castle sitting in a swing, near a crime scene he and I had worked a few years ago. I took my time, but eventually, I sat on the swing the farthest away and waited for him to acknowledge I was even there.
"He was in a zone, deep in thought about something or someone, and it was at least ten minutes later before he spoke and asked what I was doing there, in the middle of the day without crime scene tape."
"Excuse me, Kate, what was Mr. Castle's demeanor and tone of his voice, was he angry, surprised, happy, or something else?" Doctor Burke asked,
"Well, he spoke in soft even tones, in fact, his tone never changed throughout our conversation, I mean it was like listening to a weather report being read, no emotions, good or bad," Kate exclaimed, frustrated thinking about how she felt so empty when she left, he acted as if she were just one of the millions of people in the world, not his one person in the world.
"I can see you are aggravated and upset, tell me why Kate?" Doctor Burke prodded,
"Well, it's silly, but even when I told him about why I was there, he said he was sorry, he knew what betrayal by a partner felt like, still in the same tone. I mean I hoped he might have been at least a little excited to see me, ask me more questions, but he just answered, well, for the most part, my inquires" Kate said,
"Why did that upset you, Kate, I mean you hadn't seen Mr. Castle in quite some time, didn't you tell me he was in a relationship when we first began this discussion?" Doctor Burke looked confused,
"Well, he's never made it official but I know from several sources that he and Jordan are sleeping together and spending a great deal of time, hell he even suffered through the FBI academy for her." She said with a scowl,
"How many relationships, long term or even those lasting one or two nights have you been in Kate? Is it fair to judge Mr. Castle or Agent Shaw, for adult behavior? I mean they are not violating oaths to others, and well it seems like the same thing you have been doing since you met Mr. Castle. Why does he being with a woman, and it is evident this woman is really impacting your emotional health greatly, but why?" Doctor Burke asked,
Kate hung her head, he was right, any woman bothered her but she couldn't get the flashback of him telling her that Agent Shaw was the Federal version of herself, and now he had chosen Jordan over her, she was hurt, and jealous.
Doctor Burke picked up on her emotional expressions, "Let me remind you, Kate, I think it was during the case in which Mr. Castle saved both yours and Agent Shaw's lives, that you continued to insult him. Didn't you say during that case that he was like a cocker spaniel, and had the attention of a 9-year-old on a sugar rush?" Doctor Burke asked peering over his glasses, once again flipping more pages. Damn him anyway, why did he have to keep such copious notes.
"Honestly Doctor, I know I said those things and others that hurt, I really don't remember if it was with Agent Shaw present or not, but why does he being with her bother me? Well, when we working on the Dunn case, I asked him about Agent Shaw since he seemed to be a huge fan before she showed up. He told me she was the Federal version of Beckett. To see him with her, well it hurts, I never thought that I would,"
"That you would care enough to be jealous Kate? It's obvious that jealousy is one motivating factor but you mentioned you had spoken to Agent Shaw, and she had profiled you with a pattern of a narcissistic apologetic syndrome, is that correct?" Doctor Burke looked over his glasses
"Yes, she was more gracious than I thought she would be, apparently Rick has been trying to broker some meeting or negotiations with her ex-husband so he won't miss out on his daughter's next few years. It's when she truly goes from a girl to a young lady and Rick couldn't bear it if he had missed those days with his daughter, he's truly a great Dad" she said before she even knew it,
"How did it make you feel when Agent Shaw, who by the way is one of the nation's top profilers, she's rarely wrong in her profiles of any actor in her cases, including other police officials." Doctor Burked asked as he peered out over his glasses,
"Well, I didn't want to believe it, or her, but the things she said were to true, hit too close to home and I broke down and cried," Kate said turning her head to hide a stray tear that had suddenly appeared,
"What did Agent Shaw do next Kate?" Doctor Burke patiently extracted the story from his patient,
"She allowed me to cry until I composed myself, then she told me that I didn't need to live the rest of my life like this, that there were treatments and help available. She urged me to seek you or some doctor out before as she put it, I wound up an old lonely lady all by myself." Kate got out as tears welled in her eyes,
"Well, she's correct Kate, BUT, and I say this based on our past experience, if you think there is a magic pill or two or three counseling sessions will cure you, then you are dealing with a fantasy, and we need to bring your expectations back to reality.
"You have cultivated years of emotional responses to physical actions, these will take time, to attempt for you to understand WHY, and for you to practice the tools I will provide you to deprogram yourself from these reactions. In short, if you aren't willing to put in the work and time, don't waste your or my time even starting this program." There it was, Doctor Burke had put it out there, do the work or don't waste his time.
"Doctor Burke, I know I'm not your most favorite patient, and that I have done the minimum in the past, but this, I can't think of myself growing old and alone. I want Rick, but even if I can't win him back, I want to be able to deal with that and move on," Kate said softly as the tears fell silently,
"OK Kate, let's lay this out for you, just to be sure you understand, once we start treatment, I won't be chasing you to do what you are required to do, is that clear? I expect all my patients to own their treatment plan, I am just here to facilitate it, and there are medications I can prescribe, IF things become too hard, provided you are working the steps. Here is what you can expect, as he brought up a slide projector, the first slide read,
Narcissistic personality disorder treatment is centered around talk therapy, also called psychotherapy. Psychotherapy can help you:
Learn to relate better with others so your relationships are more intimate, enjoyable, and rewarding
Understand the causes of your emotions and what drives you to compete, to distrust others, and perhaps to despise yourself and others
He gave her a few minutes to read, and understand, then moved to the next slide,
Areas of change are directed at helping you accept responsibility and learning to:
Accept and maintain real personal relationships and collaboration with co-workers
Recognize and accept your actual competence and potential so you can tolerate criticisms or failures
Increase your ability to understand and regulate your feelings
Understand and tolerate the impact of issues related to your self-esteem
Release your desire for unattainable goals and ideal conditions and gain an acceptance of what's attainable and what you can accomplish
"For our next session Kate, I want you to keep a NEW journal, and in that the only information to record is the day, time, event, and words or trigger that you remember to make you feel as though you need to take care of everything alone and hold on to past grudges. These are tough, and you must be honest in your response if you expect any benefits. Some of the questions will allow me a closer look at genetic markers based on hereditary and if any chemical or inherited aspects are in play.
The next slide appeared,
What are your symptoms?
When do these symptoms occur, and how long do they last?
How do your symptoms affect your life, including school, work, and personal relationships?
How do you feel — and act — when others seem to criticize or reject you?
Do you have any close personal relationships? If not, why do you think that is?
What are your major accomplishments?
What are your major goals for the future?
How do you feel when someone needs your help?
How do you feel when someone expresses difficult feelings, such as fear or sadness, to you?
How would you describe your childhood, including your relationship with your parents?
Have any of your close relatives been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, such as a personality disorder?
Have you been treated for any other mental health problems? If yes, what treatments were most effective?
Do you use alcohol or street drugs? How often?
Are you currently being treated for any other medical conditions?
At first, some of the questions looked embarrassing, Dr. Burke soothed her,
"Kate, we know that your Mother's death impacted your father in a negative way, in some regards yours as well, so the goal is to remove any triggers that cause this behavior if possible, if not equip you with the tools to manage them." As he flipped the next slide,
Lifestyle and home remedies
You may feel defensive about treatment or think it's unnecessary. The nature of narcissistic personality disorder can also leave you feeling that therapy is not worth your time and attention, and you may be tempted to quit. But it's important to:
Keep an open mind. Focus on the rewards of treatment.
Stick to your treatment plan. Attend scheduled therapy sessions and take any medications as directed. Remember, it can be hard work and you may have occasional setbacks.
Get treatment for alcohol or drug misuse or other mental health problems. Your addictions, depression, anxiety, and stress can feed off each other, leading to a cycle of emotional pain and unhealthy behavior.
Stay focused on your goal. Stay motivated by keeping your goals in mind and reminding yourself that you can work to repair damaged relationships and become more content with your life.
"I have blank journals Kate if you need one, please see the receptionist on the way out, and we will meet again next week. I would like to schedule twice-weekly sessions for the first six weeks, and then we can re-evaluate," He said fully expecting an argument,
"I'll make the appointments as I pick up the journals Doctor Burke, thanks for seeing me on such short notice. "Kate said as she stood and headed to the exit door, a hard copy of the slides Doctor Burke had shown in her hands.
XxX
Castle Loft
Same Time Frame
"I'll forgive you if you forgive me, I called Tom" as he felt her body got tense in his arms. She almost jerked with emotional response, and he silently prayed that she would hear him explain his thoughts.
"You did? Why Rick? What did you two talk about, I mean that had to be awkward as hell for you both." Jordan finally said,
"Well, I talked to a friend of mine, a psychologist, Doctor Abby Kassel who is a renowned author and marriage counselor, to make sense of our situation, and the impact it's having not only on you but mostly Mandy.
"She told me that it sounded like I knew what I wanted to do, and was seeking verification of my actions. She was correct and as we spoke, I knew it would be selfish if I held on to what we have created, at the expense of what Mandy COULD have.
"Abby realizes that Mandy is the one to make the choice to forgive and allow her father to earn a place into her life once again, but as long as we continued our relationship, physical or even if by some chance we both fell madly in love with each other, Mandy would still be cheated out of the opportunity to choose, does she want her Dad or not.
"I can't make that decision, and if Alexis were in that position, I would pray that the adults would at least offer her the opportunity to do so. She brought up a fantastic point, one that I had never thought about but it makes total sense. There is a big difference between forgiving someone and restoring a relationship, choosing to forgive doesn't reset the game to zero, no harm no foul, it means that you are investing the time in healing rather than carrying on with the hurt, and betrayal." Rick said softly,
"Rick, are you thinking about you and Kate because this applies just as much to you as it does me. Sure, I was the one with the ring, the promise, and the formal piece of paper, but my hurt wasn't any greater than yours just because of the formality of the arrangement, hurt is hurt" she kissed his cheek as a tear fell from one eye.
"I was thinking about what Abby said, she asked me a question I couldn't answer so that's why I called Tom," he said softly,
"What was it Rick, and how well do you know her" a tint of jealousy in her voice,
Rick smiled, "we dated, then he laughed, in Middle School, then I got shuffled around to a host of boarding schools, but she was always my friend, we never lost contact." He said,
"Is she married, Rick? Are you enjoying seeing me being jealous?" Jordan admitted softly, "Here we're talking about my ex-husband and I get jealousy pangs of your middle school crush." She laughed,
"Well, she was married, but he cheated, thus the book, and her change to marriage and couples counseling. She actually said that within forgiveness, there are two types. In the first, the offending party is truly sorry and asking for forgiveness, which makes forgiveness much easier.
"In the second situation, the offending party isn't sorry making it much more difficult for everyone, BUT is still necessary to forgive them for your own benefit as to not allow that person to ruin your future as well as your past," Rick said as he glanced out the window,
"She sounds like a very bright person, Rick, but how did Tom come into this discussion," Jordan asked,
"Well, I couldn't help but see those unopened letters when I emptied the trash in my mind, and thought, what if he were sincere, what if he was in the first class of those seeking to be forgiven, so I called him," Rick confessed,
"I bet that went over like a lead balloon, the man his ex is sleeping with, calling him asking if he is sincere in his seeking forgiveness," Jordan said, but a tear came to her eye as she spoke,
"Well, he did know about us, and told me, that he was glad you were only with me. I think he said, she had the right to screw every male in Chicago and send me pictures to hurt me, it would have served me right." Rick said softly,
"Then he asked how you were doing and if you had received his letters, I told him the truth, and he didn't seem surprised." Rick said, then he added "Jordy has a temper, but worse is her soft heart, once you step on that, she is done with you, and I can see she's done with me. I was stupid and insecure and rather than telling her, I thought the young play toy would fix my bruised ego, hell it ruined my life. I got what I deserved"
Rick, do you think Abby would see us, I mean we are a couple but, well, if your heart is where I think it is, and you went to this length to try to save Tom's relationship with Mandy, possibly me, perhaps she could help us" Jordan asked,
"Tomorrow at 11:00 AM is our appointment, and Jordy, don't be jealous, she's good looking but I never even kissed her" he smiled,
TBC