017 - Ryūzetsu Interlude: Clan Honor and Personal Honor.
I used to have more ego than common sense, I probably still have. When one grows amongst a group of people, one tends to absorb their traits. Not everything is bad, of course, the tenacity to chase down our goals and the wit to find the path to them, are the Haizuki most valued virtues, and they're strong in me. As often happens though, it's the problematic traits that have me in this situation.
When I first met the bitch, I only knew her as the child of a traitor who married into a fading clan. Nobody told me the Shimada were fucking monsters, nor that the bitch herself was a living stereotype of her clan. The whole year, I tried to act as was expected from me, to assert dominance in my age group and show the bitch her place.
… That went as well as anyone who knows the bitch can imagine.
She showed me up in theory classes, and beating her in a fight meant nothing when she wasn't even trying. My family held me to the unreasonable standard she set and, no matter how much I tried, I simply couldn't keep up.
Back then, I was convinced she was some sort of heartless, mindless zombie. She didn't do idle talk, she didn't do playing, she didn't even do smiling. She just studied and learnt, mocking us with her 'special classes' and 'losing' her sparring matches.
And then she meets Uzumaki, and suddenly she has a heart? Honestly, back that first day, when she saw the skittish weakling trying to sit besides the bitch, she was half-expecting to see blood spilled. Instead she practically adopted her. We all remember why Ami wears an eyepatch.
I only learnt this recently, but my family had been waging a very aggressive discredit campaign against her after the events during the Haizuki yearly meeting. When I ranted about the new girl befriending the bitch, they jumped at the chance to turn the relationship into a lever to rally everyone against them.
That… that too went as well as anyone who knows the bitch can imagine, actually.
But Uzumaki didn't remain a weakling nerd forever. As months and years went by, I saw her rise higher and higher in the physical rankings. By now, the only ones who can consistently beat her besides the bitch herself are Muku and me, and even Muku eyes her carefully when they're made to spar with each other.
By the Sage, there's still another year in the Academy. If she keeps improving at this rate she'll leave us all in the dust.
And that's without mentioning how they've spent this last year blatantly practicing chakra control in the classroom. Narutaki-sensei tried to call them on it, but they're also paying attention to the lessons at the same time somehow, so there's nothing he can really complain about. I tried to do the same, but to focus on the exercise I had to ignore sensei, and that didn't work very well. Muku can do it a bit, with the simpler exercises, but that's all.
I eye the bitch put away the senbon she was using for today's exercises and get ready to leave the classroom for the day, and let out a sigh. Now matter how much I want to nail the showoff in the face, she's not doing anything actually wrong. Also I'd probably be the one who ends up with a bloody nose anyway.
These first three years in the Academy were my time to make a name for myself, when my clan training would've set me as the queen bee before chakra lessons officially began. Next year, the great equalizer that's wielding chakra will be introduced, and things will be significantly harder for me. Everything was supposed to go differently, but that's something I'll never see now.
Lately… I also feel like it all was handled rather poorly.
The bi— Shimada was never hostile to us, even when we went out of our way to make her life difficult. It makes one wonder how things could've gone with a more friendly approach, but that's something else we'll never see now.
In any case, stubbornly sticking to methods that don't work is beyond stupid. Recently, other's attempts to get to her just make me wince. I've had to hide a smirk of my own sometimes, when a specially dumb idea fails spectacularly.
Yes, this is ridiculous. There is such a thing as trying too hard, and stubbornness only becomes tenacity when it's accompanied by success. At what point does a child become disillusioned with her elders? How long can one indulge the pettiness and obstinacy from those above one's station while pretending to still believe it to be 'wisdom'?
Heir or not, I barely have any power within the Clan, and what little I have has failed to convince the rest into accepting the loss of face and dropping this fool's errand before our constant failures makes us lose even more face. And yet I will be the Clan head one day, assuming Shimada-sama keeps tolerating our antics and there is a Clan to be the head of by then. If I want some chance of picking up the pieces of this disaster, it's time to swallow childish pride and make amends.
I take a deep breath, and approach the two of them right as they are leaving.
"Shimada." Uzumaki subtly tenses at my unexpected approach, but she doesn't cower, she's certainly come a long way. Shimada herself doesn't miss a beat, barely shifting her head enough to get me into her field of vision.
"Ryūzetsu" That's another thing about Shimada, she doesn't give a shit about propriety. I can count myself lucky she at least uses my given name, there are people in class she keeps calling 'whatsyourface' after three years.
"You're a tough bitch." I comment as nonchalantly as I can manage, studiously staring at the railings in front of us. "It used to drive me spare."
"What do you want, Haizuki?" Yes, Uzumaki has come a long way, and not always in a direction I feel particularly pleasant. But I resist the urge to snarl. I'm here for a reason.
"But now I think… I think I can respect it." I say instead, turning towards Shimada and, for the first time in my life, bow my head down to her. Not low enough to make this an apology, the elders will throw a fit if it reaches their ears I apologized to a Shimada, but low enough to show respect. "I tried to make it stop, but I failed."
I know the bitch enough to know she won't answer to my words, except maybe with an arched brow I have no hurry to see, so I turn and leave. I failed to make her bow, I failed to make her break. I even failed to make amends. Reached this point, this is the most I can do, so this is what I've done.
Yes, I used to have more ego than common sense, I probably still have. But I'm trying.
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