During this first year, Joker is supposed to to fifteen. The legal drinking age in Italy is sixteen. So... Joker will have a good reason for not partaking in any wine tasting. Disclaimer: I don't own Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, the Persona series, Lupin the Third, or any other referenced media.
Fifteenth Caper: Wine and Dine, The Crippled Burrick Tavern
Joker was a little surprised when Abbacchio handed him an invite to a wine tasting in San Marino. "You do realize I'm not old enough to drink," he noted, "Not even in Italy or San Marino." "That's the beauty of it," Abbacchio said, "We need one person completely sober for this. You see, it turns out this wine tasting involves an auction. And one of the wines up for grabs is the legendary Lovesick Pig." Joker raised an eyebrow. "I've heard of that wine. Supposedly when a couple shares a glass of this wine they fall madly in love."
Joker took a look at the invite. "San Marino Wine Exploration in Commemoration of Count McCalman." "Only couples are invited," Abbacchio noted, "So we found a young woman your age to act as your date for the night. And to sweeten the pot, we've discovered that a piece of the Joestar Collection is on the premises. The City Heritage Plaque for The Crippled Burrick Tavern." A burrick was a type of lizard cryptid believed to wander the waters of the English moors, feeding on snakes and insects. A tavern was founded by a member of the Joestar family who thought the scores of people who believed in it would make for fine business. He proved right, as the tavern remained open for years afterward.
"So who's your own date?," Joker asked. "Fujiko Mine," Abbacchio replied, "We're not really dating, but my real fiancee had business outside of London and can't make it back in time for the auction. Though she said she'd contact me if that changed in any way. Count McCalman is deceased, yet his estate purchased that plaque within the last few months." "Right around the time that plaque was stolen," Joker noted, "Which is why you need a sober body for this operation." He smirked as he flicked the edge of the invite. "This could get interesting."
Joker slipped into the Velvet Room, hoping Igor might have more information. "How interesting," Igor said, "As it happens, I know who you should direct your calling card to for the evening event. The name of the man who has the plaque is one Guido Cesario." "He's the producer of the Lovesick Pig," Joker noted, "How interesting... I'll be sure to have the calling card ready by this evening. A whole mess of them." He immediately got to work before making himself ready for his date.
Pretty much everyone at the event was talking about the calling cards plastered over the estate. "Guido Cesario, I am the Phantom Thief Joker. This evening I will steal The Crippled Burrick Tavern from your possession." "Joker again, huh?," Rebecca said. She was at the event with Lupin. "I'm not surprised he's not after any of the rare wines at auction this evening," Lupin noted, "The treasures he steals are far more valuable than anything monetary." "You've done the same on occasion, haven't you?," came Fujiko's voice, shocking Lupin.
"So what are you doing here?," Rebecca asked. "Probably the same thing as you," Fujiko admitted, "That big prize up for auction this evening." Joker was already slipping into the crowd with the young girl chosen to be his date. She was nothing but a cover for him, and was more than willing to play the part. That said, she was old enough to at least sample the wine, while Joker only took water and some of the food at the banquet. 'Lot of vintage wines at this party,' Joker noted, 'But what I want to know is where the plaque is... And Guido.'
He noticed Lupin getting plenty of attention from both Rebecca and Fujiko. It seemed as though despite divorcing him, Fujiko was still madly in love with Lupin. He then noticed a rather gaunt old man smirking at Lupin as the antics continued. "It's a delicate thing, the relationship between a man and a woman." Joker raised an eyebrow as the lights started to dim. "Looks like the festivities are about to begin. This is a good chance to get started on my real prize while I'm here. Might as well start with the wine cellar."
Joker was soon going down into the basement. 'Guido met his wife Mimi while in college. She was a bio-engineering major. It's said that they developed the Lovesick Pig together. The picture on the label, an attractive pig woman, is actually rather cartoonish when you really look at it. What's even more interesting, is the rumor that any couple who tastes it together finds happiness. They supposedly fall madly in love. But Mimi disappeared ten years ago, and only a handful of bottles are still around.'
With his enhanced senses, Joker could easily see the laser security system running through the stairs to the cellar. "I wonder if these are like the ones featured on a early episode of Gokaiger," Joker said with a grin, "Designed to fry you instead of setting off an alarm. Well, it won't matter one way or another." He smirked as he leapt up to the ceiling, using the shadows up there to avoid the lasers. Right behind him was the sound of a woman grunting, and then suddenly the lasers shutdown. Joker sighed. "Looks like they couldn't help themselves..."
"You're not bothering with the wine, either?," Lupin asked Abbacchio. The capo chuckled. "Old habit from my policeman days. I never drank on the job in order to keep myself sharp." "Probably for the best," Lupin said, "This entire party looks like it's starting to get lovey-dovey." Abbacchio looked around and saw Lupin was right. Several couples were already having make-out sessions right there in the dining hall. "Okay... What the heck is going on?" "I've noticed something about the wine being offered at the front entrance hall," Lupin said, "It all has the same distinct aroma."
Joker smirked when he saw the old-fashioned tumbler dial. "Easy enough to crack. Just needs a light touch. W Boiled Xtreme!" His Stand phased through the lock, turning it from the inside to match up the tumblers. Soon enough the door was open. "Yahtzee." "Oh poo," Rebecca said as she approached, "You took all the fun out of it." Joker smirked as Fujiko came up as well. "And what were you going to do? Purchase the rights to the mansion just to get the combination? If you really want to be a thief worthy of Lupin..." He opened the door, "You need to do things the thief's way, not the businessman's way."
"He's got a point, you know," Fujiko said, "Anyone can just buy up a property they intend to steal from if they have the cash, but then what's the point? You basically own what you were trying to steal." Joker had already reached the far end of the wine cellar, smirking when he saw the plaque for The Crippled Burrick Tavern hung up and framed. Joker took the plaque down and replaced it with his calling card. "Now to find Guido and let him know I've kept my promise." "You really think he's at the event?," Rebecca asked. Joker nodded. "I have it on good authority. You girls find what you were looking for?"
When he got no answer, he turned and saw the two women looking a little dazed. He recognized at once what was going on. "Well that complicates matters." The women were already running back up the stairs to the dining hall, and Joker had a good idea just who they were looking for. He facepalmed. "My own date drank that wine too. I need to avoid her when I get back up top." He titled his head when he heard footsteps and quickly slipped into the shadows between the wine barrels.
He was a little surprised to see the gaunt man come in and eye a wine barrel with the Lovesick Pig logo branded into it. 'Come to think of it... Fujiko and Rebecca were also eyeing that barrel.' His eyes widened when a coppery smell hit his nose. He remembered smelling something similar several times during previous heists. He gritted his teeth. 'I knew Guido had something shady about him... Those crooks who originally stole the Joestar Collection only sell to criminals. So that's what this is all about...'
Joker waited until the man, whom he now knew to be Guido, took the barrel and made for the dining hall. "That man never drank a single drop of the wine," Joker noted, "He knew what would happen. And he had enough of the Lovesick Pig to serve to every guest at this affair." He blanched when he saw the girl who was supposed to be his date, running around the dining hall. "Where is he!? Where's my darling Joker!?" "Not touching that with a ten-kilometer iron rod," Joker muttered, "I prefer my girls to be more serious in a relationship." He couldn't help but giggle when he saw Lupin getting caught between the two major girls in his life.
He then saw Guido drive up in a blue motorcycle, the barrel perched in a sidecar. The entrance had already been blocked, since Rebecca really had purchased the estate and thus knew the security system, causing the old man to stop in front of the trio. "I wanted security to drink the wine so they would open the wine cellar," he stated, "But someone beat me to it. But thanks to those lovely ladies I got the wine back so much easier than I originally planned. Well, enjoy yourselves!"
He drove off, and Lupin soon convinced the girls to go chasing after it. Joker sighed, but his pity for Lupin turned to sympathy when he saw four guys trying to grab Lupin. "That's not out of jealousy," Joker noted, "But if I help Lupin I'll be in the hot seat with that girl on my heels. Oh well, a thief's nothing without his rival. Lupin! Up here!" Lupin turned in the direction of Joker's voice and grabbed the shadow line he threw down, lifting the resurrected thief just before the four men tried to glomp him.
"I'm guessing you never drank the wine?," Lupin asked. "Yeah, but you did," Joker pointed out, "So why is not affecting you?" "I'm a Heroic Spirit," Lupin reminded him, "Toxins and poisons don't affect me unless they're magical by nature." "Joker!," came a cheerful voice that got the man in question blanching. "Something you want to tell me?," Lupin asked when he saw the young girl running towards their position on the ceiling. "How do you think I infiltrated this party?," Joker explained, "Let's just get out of here and find the other two." "No complaints here," Lupin agreed, firing his wristwatch grapple line through the nearby ceiling.
The two thieves arrived just as Fujiko was grilling Rebecca about her true feelings for Lupin. "Alright ladies," Lupin said as he placed his foot on the wine barrel, "That's enough arguing over me. But it looks like the real victory here is a tie between me and Joker. After all, I have the barrel, and Joker has his plaque." Joker had his foot on Guido's hand, which was reaching for a gun Rebecca had dropped on the ground near him. Joker smirked as he pulled the plaque out of his jacket. "If there's one thing me and Lupin have in common, it's that we keep our promises."
Lupin smirked. "Joker, I believe by now you've seen enough to know why this man was after the Lovesick Pig." "Oh yes," Joker said, "I noticed something was off when Fujiko and Rebecca ran out of the cellar without claiming their prize. When I saw this guy coming down to grab it instead, things started coming together in my head. I realized that just about everyone in the manor, besides myself, had wound up drinking the Lovesick Pig. Meaning he had enough to serve to everyone. But then why go for a single barrel of the stuff if he already had that much to begin with? Then I remembered a little quirk of fate."
"Quirk of fate?," Fujiko asked. "The Joestar Collection," Lupin reminded her, "Joker's been after it since he started his thief career. And for some reason or another the individual pieces always fall into the hands of criminals." "Oh yeah," Rebecca said, "He must have picked up on my hobby as a thief, which is why he targeted me when I had the Rose Brooch. So this guy here is another criminal." "Exactly," Joker replied, "But sometimes I get confused as to what crime a holder may have committed. When I saw this guy taking the barrel it all came together."
"So there's something particular about the barrel," Fujiko realized. "Bingo," Lupin said, "Remember Joker's calling cards? He was specifically targeting Guido Cesario. And we're looking at him right now." He turned his eyes to the now gaunt Guido, making the girls gasp. "Wow," Rebecca said, "He's lost a lot of weight." "What better way to hide himself?," Joker said, "After all, it was him and his wife Mimi who developed the Lovesick Pig before her disappearance. Remember how the presentation said she was a bio-engineering major?"
"So the Lovesick Pig is just a love potion?," Fujiko asked. "Yes and no," Lupin clarified, "The Lovesick Pig is indeed wine, just with a love potion mixed into it." "But she apparently got sick of infusing the wine with that potion," Joker noted, "Which is why Guido had to make her disappear." Guido started breaking down into tears at the accusations. "The potion is designed to manipulate the body's chemical responses to love," Lupin explained, "And causes the one who drinks it to fall in love with the first person they see when they drink it."
Fujiko realized something. "Oh, but Lupin you're a Heroic Spirit, aren't you? That means the chemical-based love potion wouldn't have affected you." "Yeah, and Joker never drank the wine to begin with," Rebecca realized, "So they both kept their heads while everyone else, including the two of us, started going gaga. But what sort of secret could the barrel hide? Unless..." She came to a sudden realization. "No way!" She rushed at the barrel, ignoring Guido's pleas to stop, and dug the heel of her shoe into the oak wood.
The barrel soon broke when she pulled her heel out. Guido gasped in horror as a female corpse burst from the barrel amidst a torrent of blood. "That blood accounts for the smell of copper I detected while I was hiding from Guido while he stole the barrel," Joker noted, "Guido must have accidentally killed Mimi in a rage when she refused to continue infusing the love potion into the Lovesick Pig." "If this ever got out," Lupin said, "It would ruin his company forever." Guido immediately broke down and he knelt in the blood of his late wife. "Mimi... Forgive me..." Joker, Lupin, Fujiko, and Rebecca could only look at the weeping man with a sense of pity, knowing he had ruined his own life with one mistake.
Next time, Joker returns to Inaba when information on another individual working for the mysterious copycat shows their face. And this time, it appears they are targeting the local textile shop, the current owner of which is a former street punk famous for beating a biker gang one-hundred strong. Read and review.