The hammer bangs against the burning metal, and it deformed and took the way you wanted it to, the ashes got in your eyes and in between your fingers until it ended up under the nails. The warmth of the fire was ruthless but it wasn't warm enough for the metal, more, more, more, get warmer and hit it, the correct way just like it's always been done, make the blade thinner, thinner than a hair. The air was thick and it was hard to breath, it was too hot and the muscles turned sore, sore as if they were ice melting under the sun, but you had to keep hiting, hit and crush the metal, crush it wisely and you will shape it however you want.
Shape it however you want, shape it like a sword.
"Miss Iwamoto." One of the girls shook Ayaka awake and she jumped a bit, opening her eyes. "You fell asleep in the bathtub."
She gasped in confusion, bringing a hand up to her face and brushing away the wet hair from her eyes. The water around her body shakes with her. It smelled of wisteria.
"I… I was forging a sword?" Ayaka asked the girl that woke her up, black eyes and hair that looked like the wings of a crow. She looked at her without blinking, smiling despite such a weird question.
"No, you were taking a bath, just like you requested it before your audience with Oyakata-sama," she answered in a voice that didn't waver. She was sure of what she said and Ayaka had no other option but to believe her. There was something to her that imposed respect, Ayaka didn't know if it was because of how big and dark her eyes were or because she waved off utter calmness. She nearly didn't look human, her short white hair along with the bangs that cover her forehead only make her eyes look bigger, and the purple kimono decorated with flowers just made her out to be more ethereal, as if she wasn't real.
"Really? But I'm a swordsmith," Ayaka asked again, forehead leaning against her hand. She looked down to the limp arm that hang by her side. Her head hurt. "What's up with my arm? I won't be able to finish forging my sword like this."
"Don't say such silly things, you're not a swordsmith, you're a demon slayer," the girl insisted as if she was answering the questions of a confused little kid that asked about things bigger and greater than her. "Miss Tsuyuri broke it a few hours ago."
"I'm… a demon slayer," Ayaka said out loud, as if trying to hammer that fact in her brain. Miss Tsuyuri, who was Miss Tsuyuri? She looked at a corner of the room to find a black uniform torn to pieces and a shimmering gray sword. That was Ayaka Iwamoto, and Ayaka Iwamoto was going to be sentenced to death for violating the corps' rules. Right, she was Ayaka Iwamoto. "I have an audience with Oyakata-sama?"
The girl hummed in confirmation, walking off in slow but determined steps to a different corner. When she returned, on her hands was a clean change of clothes. Clothes Ayaka was foreign to.
"In case you forgot, Oyakata-sama asked to personally talk with you." The girl helped her get out of the bathtub as she gave her a towel for Ayaka to cover her naked body with. The water is still warm, a wisteria smell emanating from it. The softness of her voice and the courtesy the girl was treating her with someone calmed her down, and Ayaka let herself be guided by her, allowing her to dry her and then put on her clothes, being careful at all moments with her broken arm.
"He's been interested in you ever since you started training under Himejima's wing. But he never had a reason to call her so he prefers to have that audience now," the girl continued, as she made Ayaka stretch her arms to get the sleeves of the white kimono over them. "He says you are peculiar, and that you could be a pillar one day."
Ayaka was still swimming in uncertainty, so she blinked as a response. The mist on her mind made her hold the girl's hand, who was smaller than her but even so could stand her weight.
"I see… Shishou… And aniki… Is that what Oyakata-sama really said?" Ayaka asked at the air. The girl guided her through the endless corridors of what she supposed was a great japanese mansion, the kind she could only dream of in her greatest dreams. "Your house is pretty."
"You're on the Headquarters of the Demon Slaying Corps, miss Iwamoto," the girl reminded her, she wasn't holding her hand. Ayaka realized in a blink that there were two heads of hair, black and white, not a single one that continuously changed. "And what Oyakata-sama said is true, lying isn't of our liking."
Her eyes lightly squinted, and Ayaka leaned her head to the side in confusion.
"There are two of you," Ayaka said to no one, first looking at one and then at the other.
"We've always been two, miss Iwamoto," the black haired girl reassured, holding her hand tighter when Ayaka stumbled against her own two feet on the way through the endless corridor that leaded nowhere.
She muttered, staring at the ceiling, but on Ayaka's mind there was only a white lake and love. She loved, utterly and completely as she spluttered in the white lake without a worry, nothing hovering over her head, there was no one to threaten nor anything behind her back, so she swam in between the reefs of nothingness but love. The darkness of the sea was far away and there was only white left, so she swam and swam and never got tired.
"Aniki must have forgotten his lunch," she managed to mutter, tightening her hold on the hand that guides her, where she leaned on to go through the mist over the lake. She stayed there for a moment, walking without knowing what she was doing, then she came to a halt.
When was the last time she had loved so deeply and freely? No, there was something wrong.
Her hand abandoned the safe hold where it had been trust and Ayaka grabbed her broken arm, bringing it up to her eyes to look, ignoring the sharp pain that appears because of it. Her eyebrows fixed together in worry, looking over at the thin lines that mark her forearm. Firmly carved on her flesh, they were starting to scar, turning into red traced on her skin. Her thin fingers slid over the crust there with the greatest of cares.
Without hesitating Ayaka sank her nails there and she got what she wanted, for a wave of pain to travel through all the corners of her body, growling in pain.
"You shouldn't touch your wounds, miss Iwamoto," the black haired girl warned, who took away Ayaka's hand from her own wound. Somehow the pain faded away the mist on her mind, enough so to know what she had done the night before.
"Mister Tomioka… Rui… Lady Shinobu wanted to cut Nezuko's head off," she told herself. The pain made her collide head first against a wall that got her back to her senses. She felt less lost because the pain made her crash face to face against a wall that made her partly go back to her senses. She wasn't swimming in a white lake. She ignored the pain on her bones and the slight twinges of pain from her cuts, the ones that hurt the most are the biggest, those on her back near the shoulder blades. Lazy memories came back to her from the night before and there was one that seemed to choke her. She said it outloud so it didn't escape, but she couldn't help but sound mortified as she did. "I bit Kanao Tsuyuri."
The white haired girl, swiftly putting back the bandages on their place, nodded.
"You bit miss Tsuyuri, but don't worry, she won't hold any hatred against you for you," she assured, with confidence, so much confidence that Ayaka believed her.
"Everything looks so… dizzy," Ayaka confessed in a frown, looking up at the ceiling as the girls finished fixing her bandages.
The path of green mats came to an end, and Ayaka found herself headlong in front of a pair of dors that towered over her.
Oyakata-sama, she had to see him.
A wall rose between her and the doors. She had the impulse of giving a step back because the wall suddenly snatched her breath away from her chest and pressed against her lungs with a strength she never believed she'd feel again.
On her shoulders fell a heavy ball made of iron, she felt herself unable to move and Ayaka didn't want to go in, but the door was already open and the girls finally abandoned her hand to let Ayaka stumble on her own without being able to stand the weight of her body.
She tried to feel angry, for any strong emotion to flourish on her chest but she couldn't, her small heart, always so full to the brim, felt empty as she clenched the only fist left, but she didn't even have enough strength to do that as it was left hanging limp on her side.
Not even panic pierces through her, as it hovered from above like a veil that wasn't really there, that didn't really touch her, that she couldn't really feel. For the first time she could barely feel anything. And she realized it was horrible.
"Here's Ayaka Iwamoto like you asked, father." One of the girls Ayaka can't distinguish said, because without warning the room appeared to be spinning and her eyes didn't work so she couldn't see the colour of their hair. "The medicine Shinobu Kocho gave her when she arrived is strong so she's quite confused."
"It's better this way, she won't be able to lie."
The doors closed behind Ayaka. She knew she should have felt trapped, so she looked everywhere in between the walls and the floor, she didn't see the white papers or the mats, she could only see the bars of a cell that imprisoned is what she should have been, trapped in between four walls along with the lion they've locked her up with destined to eat her. But she simply couldn't, and with nothing else to do, she hummed.
"Good morning, Ayaka, it's good to finally see you," he greeted smiling.
She nearly collapsed but at least she managed to fall to her knees and pretended she had just sat down too harshly. Her knees hurriedly find themselves against the floor, and her head sticked to the tatami that covered the floor as she bowed down before Oyakata-sama. She was slightly drugged, but she wasn't stupid.
"It brings me infinite joy to see you're doing well, my dear Oyakata-sama," Ayaka greeted, face facing the floor.
She heard a confused hum come from Oyakata-sama, closer than she believed him to be. Not much time passed before she heard his voice again:
"You don't have to greet me so formally," he informed with nothing but peace on his voice. "Get up."
Ayaka didn't have the strength to refuse, she continued humming, so she got up just like he commanded. At doing so her eyes flee from his, but Ayaka couldn't shove down the curiosity that comes with looking at the appearance of the man, demonstrated by discreet side glances.
"Thank you for your consideration, my dear Oyakata-sama," she got to say in a light sigh, the most control over her tongue she's had ever since she woke up.
She peeked at him out of pure childish interest, because never before had she seen the leader of the Demon Slaying Corps and the only image that came to mind was the possibility of a great war general, covered entirely in a huge armour that weren't used anymore, of ancient warriors of old that proved their power through duels that ended with death and long hair tied up in ponytails along with fearsome faces proper of warriors. Instead, what Ayaka found was a sick man.
Out of everything she had imagined, out of all the dreams and fantasies that had run rampant on her head, she didn't expect it to be a weak, flimsy man, with milky eyes that couldn't see but still looked at her and soft voice and posture. Ayaka nearly questioned if that was really Oyakata-sama, because no possibility came up on her head for such a fragile and soft man to lead so many fierce warriors. It felt like complete madness.
There was nothing else to do but look at him in pure astonishment because her head was in the clouds and she didn't know if she should say something, or because there were so many things to say she wasn't sure if to let them all out.
So Ayaka silently waited for him to continue, but from Oyakata-sama came no sound, just a weak constant mutter muffled by the tapping of his fingers against his knee. Ayaka waited, humming in distraction with a bizarre calm to her as Oyakata-sama stretched out his silence, deep in thoughts.
"Why did you protect the Kamado siblings, Ayaka?" He finally asked, after having spent long seconds that felt like hours looking over at him in silence until it turned into an ecstatic sound that muffled her ears, and Ayaka had to blink for her ears to work again. "Why didn't you report them?"
The humming becomes weaker, the melody of an unknown child's song at the tip of her tongue. Ayaka looked at Oyakata-sama and she smiled, with the softness of silk and clouds, fluffy comforting and calming, Ayaka smiled. But that wasn't her.
"I knew it would eventually be discovered that Tanjirou carried a demon with him, it was just a matter of time." Words flowed over Ayaka's lips like water down a river, and she brought a hand up to her forehead, leaning on it. The pulsing and sharp pain that's been drilling her head felt like a crashing weight against her skull.
Oyakata-sama's eyebrows slightly furrowed, so little Ayaka could have missed it, but the scars that covered his forehead down until his cheekbones wrinkled. And she could see that.
"Even so you did nothing, you stayed with Tanjirou and Nezuko Kamado knowing you'd end up being punished because of it, you could have asked for a change of partners, or to be assigned another mission, you knew that, you're not stupid. And yet here you are, and I would like to know why," Oyakata-sama insisted, the gentleness on his voice was enough to make Ayaka feel better, as if he tugged on a thread on her chest. It was clearer the reason why he was the leader of the Corps, Oyakata-sama fought without the need for a sword.
"To be punished…" Ayaka muttered to herself, hazy gaze.
The humming on her throat was sweet and her smile didn't waver, she was swimming in milk again, words that could only resurface from the deepest part of the lake bubbling up as she wasn't on her senses to push them down.
"I didn't want to stay with them, I knew they meant trouble, a demon that doesn't eat humans? It had to be a joke," she answered, trying to get angry again but it was no use, on her face only danced a smile and mist over her eyes. "But Nezuko isn't just a demon, and even I can see that... It didn't have to be like this, I didn't have to stay with them but I couldn't help it… I simply couldn't, a part of me wanted to be with them. Those two brothers… they are special. I bet you can notice too."
Oyakata-sama didn't deny it.
"So special for you to sacrifice your life?" He asked instead. He looked over at Ayaka and squinted for a moment, eyes that didn't see observing her. "You may have had faith in them, but you wouldn't give your life for such a remote possibility to defeat Muzan Kibutsuji. You're not that kind of person, you need more than that."
Worry lightly flew over his voice mixed in with Ayaka's humming that never ceased, and that was what she did instead of replying.
"Do you wish to die? Is that it? Do you hold your life with such little worth?" Oyakata-sama questioned as he came closer to her, grazing the mole on her cheek with his hand as he held it. She finally let herself lean against his wrinkled skin and she sighed. Oyakata-sama was right, she couldn't lie, not with Shinobu's medicine flowing through her veins, not when the sea appeared as a white small lake instead of a dark deep place to avoid if one didn't wish to drown.
"My life is not important, it's a frail life that should have been extinguished long ago." Her crystal eyes stayed fixed on Oyakata-sama, she said that with a smile. She strangely looked at peace.
Ever since back then, those were the thoughts that had been brewing behind her eyes, slowly and silently appearing on her small innocent mind until she wasn't so innocent and small anymore. She should be killed and punished just like demons were, because if demons had to be punished for what they did, she had to be as well, because humans weren't any less than demons, right?
Maybe she had been trying to punish herself all this time, maybe she wanted someone to do so, maybe that way her parents would lash out when someone else treated them unfairly, no matter if it was her who had to be that someone. There was anger still itching under her skin that said that wasn't everything there was to it.
Oyakata-sama wrapped his arms around her, as Ayaka left her cheek fall against his shoulder. She didn't flinch, not refusing such an act, she didn't have strength enough to do so.
"Don't say that about yourself, please I don't want you to see your life like this," Oyakata-sama pleaded. He sounded so hurt at her suffering.
His palm flew up to Ayaka's eyes, where tears started to flourish. They soaked his haori but he didn't push her away. Even so Ayaka didn't stop humming, even if tears fall and they run down her skin. He didn't need to say anything else, he was Oyakata-sama, the one who looked over all demon slayers, he knew, even then Ayaka couldn't stop the stream of words that flowed over her tongue like a wild river.
"I hate myself," she said, clenching her fists around the cloth of Oyakata-sama's haori. "It's no use for someone like me to be in this world, despicable people don't deserve to live, that's something I've always held dear to my heart. The only reason I'm still breathing is because I must be a pillar, I'll carry everyone else's weight on my shoulders and I'll prove I'm not useless. Because I still must pay the debt of my life back to my parents, who kept me alive all this time, I will never be able to pay it back, so I can't die. The only thing I can aspire to do is give them a pretty house and a comfortable life with the money I get as a demon slayer, I'll spend my days alone like I must."
Oyakata-sama caressed her hair. She allowed him to.
It wasn't that she couldn't accept others, she just couldn't accept herself.
"You're really strong, you've carried that burden with you all this time, never telling anyone," Oyakata-sama whispered against the top of her head. "Many demon slayers give their lives for me, it's something precious because it's their lives, they feel and cry, they know what it is to be alive and they sacrifice nevertheless. That's why I know what a life is worth, life is not to be used to sacrifice for your loved ones, but to live with them. And that's not what you're doing."
«Is that why you are sad?»
Ayaka rested against his shoulder. If she could feel something then, she wouldn't know if it would be fear or peace, because Oyakata-sama's skin is the warmest place she had ever ever rested against. Or maybe because it had ben a long time since she rested against someone else's skin.
"I'm no one to tell you this, and I know by Gyoumei that you're stubborn but from now on, please take my words into consideration," he pleaded once again, his voice the sweetest it can be. He felt like Takeshi, but not in a bad way.
Ayaka lifted her gaze when Oyakata-sama removed his arms around her to take off his haori. She could see the soft purple and the wisteria flowers carved on the cloth to complement the white as he left it to rest on her shoulders.
"You will never be alone, ever again, I will always be with you from now on," he said, caressing both sides of Ayaka's face as he brushed away her tears. It's been a while since she stopped smiling and there's nothing else to do but stare at Oyakata-sama, deep in the white lake.
It was that moment when Ayaka decided she would give her life to serve that man. The one who carved the way for her to move forward.
ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ
If Ayaka was on her senses she would flinch in fear, but she wasn't, so she just hummed in haziness.
The looks the pillars sent her way were piercing, kneeling before Oyakata-sama in respect. If she hadn't felt on her flesh what Oyakata-sama could do, Ayaka would have never believed the best swordsmans from the corps would kneel before him, who was a mere sick man. But she knew, so she didn't question. She didn't pay attention to them, focusing on the hand Oyakata-sama had settled on her shoulder. She was by his side, being guided by him, as there was nothing else to do but allow him to do so. The small detail of Oyakata-sama's purple haori on Ayaka's shoulders didn't go unnoticed. The pillars looked at her in astonishment, but no one had the courage to say anything about it, especially if it was about their dear Oyakata-sama.
"You can join your partner, Ayaka," he said, giving her a light push on her back. She stumbled in confusion, lost gaze but her eyes fixed on Tanjirou for the first time since what felt like years.
He was against the floor, covered in blood and dirt with Genya's brother on top of him. She knew Genya and that didn't surprise her, both of them looked like feral beasts, the incredible amounts of scars didn't catch her off guard.
Himejima-shishou was there too, Ayaka saw him stay still at hearing her wouldn't know what to say now, they didn't exchange letters, but seeing him in person was completely different than reading his words, more so when she was being judged for violating the corps rules.
She hoped not to disappoint him, but it's her choice to do so.
"Aya," Tanjirou called to her in a muffled whisper at seeing her. She walked off to his side, giving a threatening look to Genya's brother in the way, but she stayed in silence as she kneeled before Oyakata-sama.
"Tanjirou, are you okay?" Ayaka asked in a whisper, stretching out her neck only for him to hear.
He nodded, tense against Sanemi Shinazugawa's grip and the pillars' presence. That's enough for her.
"If it's not a problem, before the meeting starts, I would like to talk about the here present soldier Tanjirou Kamado and the demon that goes with him, will you let us, ?" What did catch her off guard was just how civilized the Wind Pillar appeared while talking.
"Gyoumei, your disciple told me everything, I took the freedom of interrogating her myself," Oyakata-sama calmly announced, as if he was apologizing to Himejima-shishou for doing so.
"Right, Ayaka also violate the corps rules," Shinobu added, no sugary smiles or the joy Ayaka had seen on her the night before. Strangely, she looked angry.
"As such we should punish her as well, flamboyantly, if possible," the biggest pillar just before Himejima-shishou said, who Ayaka identified as the Soun Pillar, Tengen Uzui. Ayaka's eyes flew up to his biceps, if she had been on her senses she would have squeaked in excitement.
The Sound Pillar must have liked flamboyant things so much he turned into one. Besides his shining whit hair he wore a sleeveless uniform just like hers, golden bracelets on his arms and makeup complementing his face, circles around his eye of a red so intense a tomato would have been jealous.
"What bothers me right now is that she isn't tied up," a short boy said in a hiss, balck hair cut irregularly and a stripped haori, mouth covered in bandages. Ayaka noticed his eyes were of a different colour and sticked to his neck there's a whote snake, so she came to the conclusion that was the Snake Pillar, Iguro Obanai.
"Himejima, don't you have nothing to say? She's your disciple, right?" Sanemi questioned, squeezing Tanjirou tighter.
Ayaka's eyebrow twitched, but she kept her hands at the sides of her waist.
"I would like to hear what Oyakata-sama has to say first, but first, Ayaka, was it your decision to protect this demon? You weren't convinced nor manipulated by this boy?" Himejima-shishou asked. His cheeks were soaked with tears, and the sight was so familiar it made Ayaka's chest twinge.
She raised her gaze to look at her shishou, still humming.
"She has nothing to do with this! I'm at fault, don't punish her! Aya didn't-...!" Tanjirou struggled against the strength of Sanemi Shinazugawa, who squeezed to shut him up.
"Who allowed you to talk, bastard?" He questioned, unspoken threats spilling from his voice. "The girl has a voice, let her talk. She's stronger than you, she should be the one to protect, boys like you seriously make my blood boil."
Ayaka barely averted her gaze from Himejima-shishou to look at Sanemi. All pillars have their attention on her, at least most of them, with the exception of the Mist Pillar (Tokitou Muichirou, wasn't it?) who looked at the sky dumbfounded as his long hair waved with the wind along with a uniform that's too big for him but that he wore nevertheless. But for him to look at the clouds instead of pay attention was to be expected.
The girl of pink and green braids, bearer of the most uncomfortable uniform Ayaka had ever seen, could only be the Love Pillar, Mitsuri Kanroji, who let escape from her mouth a dreamy sigh, bringing a hand up to her beating chest.
"How adorable, a delinquent couple where he assumes all blame to protect his lover. My heart flutters just thinking about it! Young love, so romantic!"
Ayaka didn't pay attention to the excited comment she said under her breath.
"The Kamado siblings are… something worth protecting," she said, consciously avoiding the sight of hurt on Tanjirou's face. "I don't regret violating the corps rules tonight. I'll accept whatever punishment is imposed to me."
The blond man with googly eyes who Ayaka could only describe as burning (Kyoujurou Rengoku was the Flame Pillar for a reason) broke into deep and low chuckles.
"The girl's honorable, Himejima! I like her! He openly declared without erasing the proud smile on his face, he appeared to sparkle with the energy of a bonfire in the middle of a summer night. "She still violated the rules, she must be punished!"
The Love Pillar nervously brought up a hand to her face.
"Um, isn't this the second time she's violated the rules?" She asked, playing with one of the colourful strands of her bangs.
Ayaka's humming suddenly came to a halt, as if the lake turned dark and deep in a whim once again, but this time it wasn't not water, it was burning lava because her body became still, in a blink conscious about everything around her, from the smallest winds to the last one of the Pillars' breathings. Takeshi's head greeted her in advance.
"She also left the demon and the boy stay at her house knowing the demon was there. She didn't report them, sheltering a demon in her own home. Although we can't tell if her family was involved," Shinobu said in thought. "My tsuguko also said she fought against her when she tried to cut off the demon's head, but she didn't struggle when they detained her."
Ayaka tried for her frown not to show as she asked:
"I'm the only thing that connects my family to Tanjirou and Nezuko, if I were ever to die for some reason, could you still prove they had a connection at some point?"
Shinobu hummed in thought, chin on her hand.
"It's more like it would be useless, it would make no sense to punish them if you're dead, since you were the one that gave shelter to Tanjirou and Nezuko in the first place," she patiently explained, a pitiful smile on her face.
That was the only thing Ayaka needed.
"Thank you very much, Lady Shinobu," she said without flinching. Then she turned towards Himejima-shishou. "Please tell aniki I really appreciate him, and that I'm sorry for being so mean to him."
She stretched out her hand behind her and snatched away the sword to the closest pillar, the Snake Pillar, bringing it up to her neck.
All the pillars gasped in astonishment. Ayaka would have sliced her neck and bled to death if it wasn't because a hand stopped her before the blade could touch her skin..
"I advise you to let go of that sword, kid," the deep voice of Tomioka warned, whose empty eyes find Ayaka's, who lack something as much as hers.
Her hand stayed on the same place, sword close to touching her neck. Ayaka endlessly tugged for Tomioka to let go so she could finally die, but his grip didn't waver even as she sank her heels on the floor.
"Let go of me, Water Pilar," Ayaka challenged under false politeness- Her voice has an agressive undertone, and her lips pressed together in fury with a frown above them. Shinobu's medicine was starting to fade away.
"What happened?" Oyakata-sama asked one of the girls that guided him, because his milky eyes didn't let him to see by himself. .
"Ayaka stole the sword of the Snake Pillar and tried to cut her neck," the white haired girl replied, not a pinch of emotion on her voice.
Oyakata-sama's eyebrows lightly rose.
"I see you won't follow my advice, will you, Ayaka?" He calmly said. He nearly looked disappointed.
Ayaka's eyes went from Tomioka's face to him.
"You were right, Oyakata-sama." Ayaka nearly mocked in a bitter bark. "I will sacrifice my life for them, but not to live alongside them."
"What a flamboyant way to die!" The Sound Pillar excitedly exclaimed showing no signs of wanting to move from his place to snatch away the sword from Ayaka's hands, or even help Tomoka do it.
"Such a passionate and dramatic love, it's amazing, how cute," the Love Pillar commented under her breath.
A shadow hovered above both Tomioka and Ayaka, easily stripping her from the heavy weight that's the sword in between her hands that Ayaka didn't lift off her neck until then. The hand that grabbed the sword by its blade was one she knew very well, and the blood bursted from his palm when holding it harshly by the blade, pierced his skin.
Himejima-shishou gave back the bloody sword to the Snake Pillar, who appeared to hiss threatening as he gave Ayaka a killing look, before going back to his disciple.
"That's enough, Ayaka," he whispered, placing the palm of his non injured hand on top of her head. "You've found your purpose again, haven't you?"
She didn't reply, looking over at her master with lost eyes and worry painted all over her face.
"You can rest now, leave it to me," he continued on her air. Then, with a booming voice, he talked. "I'll assume full responsibility for my disciple's actions, whatever it is the punishment imposed to her. I fully trust her, and I show my support on her judgement as such. Right here, right now, I proclaim her my tsuguko."
All feelings were wiped off Ayaka's face to be replaced with astonishment, bewilderment, and if she had been somewhere else, euphoria. For a moment her ears beeped, as if they also doubted the words she had just hear.
She couldn't believe it, she really couldn't.
The suns Tanjirou had for eyes had been drilling on her the whole time. Ayaka ignored them.
«Am I the only one from the both of us that doesn't want you to die?». He had said, and he had guessed right without knowing. And she knew if she died, Tanjirou would blame himself for it, but she couldn't help but be selfish, because even if she regretted it, her family's life was more important than him. Even if hurting Tanjirou Kamado was the last thing she wanted to do.
«I told you to stay away from me», she thought, but that didn't make the ball of guilt to go away as she gave him a side eyed glance.
"No, no, Gyoumei," Oyakata-sama interrupted him, who was now sat on the porch, aided by the pair of girls. "I'm sorry if I alerted you with this misunderstanding, neither your nor your tsuguko will be punished."
Hearing it once again only made it more real, Ayaka would have collapsed if it wasn't because she had no option to do so. No one had time to question what kind of misunderstanding that is, when he continued.
"Tanjirou y Nezuko have my consent, and I would like them to have yours too," Oyakata-sama seemed to pay it no mind. "However, to assure the Pillar's peaceful estate of mind and for this crime not be left unpunished, Shinobu has offered her Estate to be kept both the Kamado siblings and the Iwamoto family, who are being taken there right this moment."
She didn't know if he said something else, or if the Pillars refused, or if Tanjirou talked to her, because on Ayaka's ears fell a muffling buzz that made useless her ability to hear.
"Who are being taken there right this moment."
"Who are being taken there right this moment."
"Who are being taken there right this moment."
"Who are being taken there right this moment."
"Who are being taken there right this moment."
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For the first time, Tanjirou stayed silent on their way by Ayaka's side.
They are being carried by the kakushi, who hold them on their backs. Everything after Nezuko refused the temptation of pouncing on Sanemi despite the strong smell coming grom his blood and being spared by the Corps. As much of a miracle it seems, it happened.
So they're carried under Shinobu's custody and the way felt extremely for Ayaka, with the morning dew freezing her fingers and struggling to take fresh breaths of air. Not much time is left for the usual cold of sunrise to go and for the usual warmth of spring days to appear.
She had worried so much about how to manage not to be executed if they were ever to discover they carried Nezuko with them that she hadn't thought about what to do when they don't. But everything came with a price and that was the mission to kill at least one of the Twelve Demon Moons. Ayaka had cursed under her breath when Tanjirou yelled so loudly about his mission to kill Muzan Kibutsuji.
She felt for once that the expectations on her shoulders, hanging behind her like a cape, were too big.
She was already a tsuguko, as surreal as it felt and as stranged as it appeared after so long wishing for it to happen. So now she only had one step left, and that was to become a pillar, but for Ayaka that felt like the step of a giant, that stretched countless kilometers she couldn't run. The only thing she had left was to give a thousand small ones, it was comforting that today she had taking one, at the very least.
"Do your injuries still hurt?" She softly asked Tanjirou, in an attempt to set alight a spark warm enough to light up the conversation.
Tanjirou looked at her, bit his lips and returned his gaze forward.
"Shinobu gave me some medicine, so it doesn't hurt as much," he bit, and that somehow was like a sword piercing through Ayaka's chest, and when it came out it left a hole on its place. S
She could do nothing but nod.
"I'm glad," she said, voice becoming weaker. "She also gave me medicine."
She isn't good at this.
She noticed how Tanjirou fidgeted uncomfortably on the back of the kakushi that carried him, and seeing him so ar away from her had an effect on her she wouldn't be able to distinguish, but she felt annoyed, as much as she could with the traces of Shinobu's medicine still on her body.
It was unbearable, not being able to put up with that strange feeling between them. The anger towards Tanjirou when all the Zenitsu thing happened had ben one thing, but this was completely different. She was really too impatient to deal with it any longer.
"I'm sorry for trying to… you know…" Ayaka said, gesturing with her hand without averting her gaze from Tanjirou, who turned to her with something on his eyes she couldn't decipher, as deep as she looked, or because she couldn't look at something deeper than the surface. "I would be lying if I said I didn't take your feelings into account, because I did, but I couldn't let that stop me from saving my parents from an assured death sentence."
Tanjirou's lips pressed together into a thin line. He appeared to bit the inside of his cheek and Ayaka got to see what she believed to be regret, but she didn't know what Tanjirou couldhold regret for. Both of them were too tired after such a strange night.
"I knew what you wanted to do, and I don't blame you for it, if I was also given the option to sacrifice myself for my family I would do so without thinking about anything else," Tanjirou started and Ayaka couldn't help her eyebrows rising on a worried grimace.
Then he pressed his lips together once again, taking a breath of air as Ayaka waited for him to continue, strangely more patient than she would usually be.
"But for some reason it bothers me," Tanjirou confessed, bringing a hand up to his hair and shaking it nervously. He was doing it again, that weird habit of waving fastly and clumsily when he got nervous. "And I know it shouldn't, it's your life and you should do whatever you want with it, but for you to sacrifice because of something I've gotten you into it's just…"
He growled in frustration, messing further with his hair. Ayaka's eyes were wide open.
"So you're not… mad?" Ayaka asked, leaning her head to the side. Her nose scrunched up. "I thought it would bother you for me not to take your feelings into consideration."
The kakushi that carried Ayaka adjusted her on her back, and she allowed her to get a better hold of her because she knew she was heavy and that carrying her all the way must be exhausting.
"Do you want me to be mad?" Tanjirou asked, more aggressive and frustrated with her, maybe even with himself, that she's ever seen him. And Ayaka didn't know what to say to that, so she only looked with raised eyebrows at the way Tanjirou exhaled, as if he let out all his pent up feelings and his form became smaller that way. "It's just that I don't want anyone else to die because of me, please, promise me you won't sacrifice yourself in my stead."
"So what you're saying is that you want me to… stay with you? For me to live my life by your side?" Ayaka muttered, scratching her cheek. "That was what Oyakata-sama told me, that I should stop… sacrificing myself and living my life alongside those I sacrifice myself for," she looked over at Tanjirou, looking closely at his lovely face, as her voice turned softer. "And I think you should stop sacrificing yourself too."
Tanjirou blinked, because she caught him off guard and he could do nothing but stagger.
"What do you mean?" He asked, making sure that he was safely secured on the kakushi's hold and that he didn't fall when turning around so harshly.
The kakushis complain, interrupting Ayaka as they come to the end of the way, where the Butterfly Estate finally appeared before them.
Ayaka would have been marveled at the sight if she hadn't known who awaited her there.
"We've arrived, can you talk about this later? We seriously don't want to listen to your problems," the kakushi under Ayaka bitterly asked, who appeared to squint at them in irritation.
Ayaka threw Tanjirou a brief glance before clearing her throat.
"If it's no bother, I would like for you to let go of me now, there's someone waiting for me at the door," she asked, lightly squeezing the kakushi's shoulder. She had already noticed the small form that waited with crossed arms at the doors of the Estate, she wouldn't like for Tanjirou to be there when chaos ensued.
The kakushi obeyed her, leaving Ayaka on the floor as the pair carry Tanjirou inside by the back door. She noticed the pleading look on his face, but she'd worry about that later.
Her grandmother awaited, and she didn't look happy.
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