Authors note:
The new season is out, but I do not have Netflix, so I have no idea what happens. Apparently I predicted some things? No spoilers! ;)
Also, minor spoilers from the Winter Soldier and the Mockingjay movies.
The next morning, Sammy, Darius, and Brooklynn attempt to start a fire to cook a special breakfast for the beginning of the New Year. It was slow going—until the fire suddenly started and cinched off Darius's eyebrows. That got Brooklynn rolling around on the ground—after she made sure he was okay. After setting up a pan over the fire, Sammy attempts to cook pancakes for the group. Everyone was excited, since their breakfast had consisted of a protein shake for the past week. Yasmina hadn't complained about that—protein shakes were her life after her schedule got busy with training—but it was something to get used to for the others. Ben was the only one who had a problem with the pancakes, since he had an allergy to eggs and gluten. Sammy assured him that there were no eggs in the batter, but there was most likely gluten in it. Ben decides to brave it, since his gluten allergy wasn't death-threatening.
"You sure?" Sammy asks, furrowing her eyebrows in concern.
"It's not like it'll kill me," Ben rolls his eyes. "It's just better if I avoid it."
"I could try something—" Sammy starts to offer.
"It won't kill me," Ben snaps, trying to convince the others that he's fine. "I just noticed that my body doesn't feel good afterwards."
"Celiac's disease?" Yasmina asks. "Or Hashimoto's? My Mom has that."
"No," Ben shakes his head again. "I just get a congested nose and things like that. It's fine."
Darius furrows his eyebrows. "Do any of you guys have to take medications for anything?"
Everyone shakes their heads. Darius sighs. "Good. That wouldn't be good if you did."
"I can't imagine having to take medication and then be stuck here," Yasmina shakes her head. "My mom gets really fatigued and tired if she doesn't take hers. Just be glad that all our bodies can produce hormones on their own and don't need help."
The others agree with her as they eat pancakes and celebrate the new year.
The Indoraptor hatchlings were extremely curious about the fire. The campers had to constantly shoo them away to keep them from burning themselves. Finally, Yasmina had had enough. "No," she says sternly to her Indoraptor, but doesn't stop her from stepping closer.
"Are you not going to stop her?" Brooklynn asks through a mouthful of pancakes.
"She's not listening," Yasmina shrugs. "She'll figure out what fire does on her own. I've told her no, if she's not going to listen, she has consequences."
Sure enough, Rima sniffs the fire and jumps back with a yelp. She scratches at her snout and looks up at Yasmina with pitiful eyes. Yasmina shrugs. "I told you not to."
The little Indoraptor lowers her head and looks ashamed. She slowly inches closer to Yasmina, wondering if her mother would punish her. Yasmina reaches out her hand and scratches the hatchling behind her head. The little baby crawls over and climbs into Yasmina lap, purring.
Toothless inches closer to the fire, looking up at Kenji. "No," Kenji shakes his head. The black hatchling tilts her head, and stares at the fire. She knew that her father didn't want her to do that, and she saw what happened to Rima, but she was still curious. She tentatively takes a step closer. "No," Kenji says again, gently—but firmly—turning her snout away. The little hatchling makes the decision and darts towards the fire. She gets the same results as Rima, and runs back to Kenji with her tail between her legs.
"Poor babies," Sammy whimpers.
"It's training them to listen to us," Brooklynn shrugs. "When we say no and tell them not to do something, and they don't listen, they feel pain. Now they'll associate fire with pain, but they'll also associate the command no as a warning of pain. If they don't listen, well, there's going to be consequences…"
"Seems mean," Darius says, stroking Mocha, who had learned from Rima and Toothless's mistakes.
"No it's not," Yasmina chuckles. "We told them no, and they didn't listen. It's their fault. Maybe next time they'll listen. But you can come back to Momma." She holds Rima up to her face and kisses her tiny snout.
"Says the girl who wanted to off them," Kenji grins, making a slicing motion across his neck.
"Shut up," Yasmina rolls her eyes.
"There's no way Wu can make these guys into bloodthirsty assassins," Brooklynn coos, scratching Indigo's back. "They're too sweet. We've taught them love and kindness. You guys wouldn't want to murder humans mercilessly."
"If Wu got a hold of them, he could train them," Yasmina says grimly.
"How?" Brooklynn asks.
Yasmina gulps. "Torture them and beat them until they fear the rod more than they fear us."
The others sit in sorrowful silence. "Do you think if the I-rex imprinted on someone and was raised like these guys, she wouldn't go eating people?" Sammy asks.
"Probably," Ben says. "Look at Blue. She still wants to hunt, but she was raised by Owen Grady. Now she's helping us survive and feels compassion. Make no mistake, these guys will still hunt and claw and bite, but… raising them with kindness and love will probably stop a lot of those tendencies…"
"The I-rex was very smart, and velociraptors are very smart," Darius says. "These guys are a mix of those two. They're gonna be very smart. They could be trained to do so much good. And with a loving upbringing, we might be able to teach them to defend without killing. These guys are dinosaurs, if we sike them on our attackers, the sight alone will scare them. They don't even have to kill to defend us."
"Whatever Wu has planned for them… let's hope that we can stand in the way," Ben says. "Keep them from being monsters. Hybrids aren't inherently evil, they're whatever they're taught to be. And since they're the first of their kind, they need someone to guide them. Maybe Blue will have the courage to come by and teach them, soon."
They sit around the fire as the sun rises fully into the sky. It was quiet; even the hatchlings were silent. Bored with the silence, Kenji starts a conversation with his favorite topic: Marvel. "If you guys were a Marvel character, who would it be?"
The group thinks for a moment, unsure. "I would be Iron Man," Kenji says matter-of-factly.
"Or Loki," Brooklynn nods.
Kenji snickers. "Idk on you. Ooh! Darius would either be Spiderman or Captain America."
"He's a Heavenly combination of both," Brooklynn says. Her face starts to turn pink when she realizes what she said.
Darius, on the other hand, laughs. "Thanks."
"Yaz is most definitely Black Widow," Kenji grins. "Super bada… baddie and doesn't like people."
"Yee," Yasmina nods absentmindedly.
"Haw," Sammy grins.
Yasmina glares at her, while Kenji laughs his butt off. "Yee," he wheezes.
"Haw," Sammy answers, making him laugh harder. "I started sayin' yee instead of yes, and then I said it so much my family did it, and I had to follow up with haw."
"I love you, Sammy," Kenji says, gasping for air. "You make life so interesting."
"That's one way to put it," Yasmina rolls her eyes.
"I'm not sure who you'd be," Kenji says to Sammy. Then he gasps. "BEN'S THE WINTER SOLDIER!"
Ben slowly turns his head, concerned.
"You're the Winter Soldier!" Kenji exclaims, way too excited about this. "Your friends thought you died falling off a train, but you survived and came back stronger than ever!"
"Oh, yeah!" Darius gasps, excited, too.
"He is!" Brooklynn laughs.
"I guess I am," Ben shrugs with a laugh.
"But your personality, mm, no," Kenji frowns. He starts snickering. "Nah, bruh, you got the personality of someone from another movie."
"Who?" Ben asks, not sure if he wanted to know.
"Peeta from the Hunger Games," Kenji says, giving Yasmina the stupidest grin.
The athlete doesn't pick up on it and agrees. "Oh, he's definitely Peeta."
"He's got the backstory of the Winter Soldier and the personality of Peeta," Kenji says, clapping his hands. He keeps giving Yasmina a teasing grin. The athlete frowns at him, confused. Kenji slumps, knowing she didn't get it. "Never mind."
"He seriously is, though," Brooklynn laughs. "That's kinda sus."
"What is this sus?" Darius asks.
"Short for suspicious," Brooklynn explains, chuckling a bit. "Comes from Among Us."
"Okay, if we were to play Among Us, who would be the Imposter?" Kenji asks, pulling his head in and looking at the others.
"Oh, we all know who the Imposter would be," Ben says, beating Yasmina to it. The group gets quiet, not wanting to look at Sammy or Ben.
That conversation set the mood for the rest of the day. The whole group could feel the tension between Sammy and Ben, and it was a matter of time before they exploded. Darius stays out of it, waiting for them to finally snap. Brooklynn tries to ignore the tension and busies herself with videoing. Yasmina handles the tension by avoiding it entirely; always hanging out on the roof when she could. Kenji is torn between siding with Sammy and defending her—despite not knowing what they were fighting over—and siding with Ben. The tension makes everyone really uncomfortable and stressed.
That night, Sammy finally snaps.
Darius and Ben were stabilizing the railing. Kenji was trying to shut Toothless up, who was having a temper tantrum over something stupid. Yasmina was doing crunches; trying to keep up her strength in some way while she was injured. Brooklynn was staring up into the tree. "I wonder how the treehouse fell down."
"Maybe the Indominus wrecked it," Kenji shrugs.
"It was really high up, though," Sammy says.
"Maybe she just slammed into the tree and shook it down," Yasmina suggests.
"It really wasn't made well, then," Brooklynn says. "They could've made it better."
"There's a lotta things that people could've done differently here," Ben remarks. He was referring to the park's lack of safety, but the comment hits Sammy too hard and she bursts into tears.
"Sammy?" Kenji says, coming over to her side and putting his arm around her shoulder.
"How is it my fault we're stuck here?!" Sammy shouts through her tears. Tornado moans from underneath the shelter, knowing her mom was in distress. "I know it was wrong to spy for Mantah Corp and steal from InGen, but how could I have kept us from gettin' trapped here?! Stealin' the phone didn't trap us here!"
"It kept us from calling for help," Ben says, a bit more subdued now that she was yelling and crying.
"And when would we have called for help, huh?!" Sammy sobs. "Let me give you a timeline so you can clearly remember! We heard the Indominus rex and headed to the zipline tower. That's when the Indominus rex attacked. We could barely stand and just escaped the tower onto the line. Then the tower fell down and we fell. When I hit the ground, that's when the phone shattered. At what point in time between the moment we were in danger and the moment we fell were we supposed to be able to make a phone call?! Even if I didn't steal it and it was in Brooklynn's pocket, I'm sure it would break during the fall! I don't see how Brooklynn havin' it or me havin' it makes any difference! We wouldn't have been able to make a phone call and we'd still be here! The only thing that it would've fixed was trust issues between me and y'all! And that is my fault!"
The whole group is silent, watching this meltdown.
"I'm sorry that I spied for Mantah Corp!" Sammy says, tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry that I stole from the park! I'm sorry that I stole your phone, Brooklynn! I'm sorry that I lied to you, Yaz! I'm sorry about it all! I can't go back and do it over again! I'm not a liar and I'm not a thief. That was completely situational, and I'd like to see what you would do in my situation!"
She looks between Yasmina and Ben. "Regardless of what I did, we're stuck here together. We need to work together and trust each other. I'm tryin' my best to earn back the trust I lost, but it feels like you two are purposefully tryin' to distrust me! I don't know how I can make it up to you or earn back your trust! I've done everything I've could! I know what I did, you don't have to remind me of it all the time!"
Ben has leaned back in shock, taking in all that she says in surprised silence.
"And you know what, Ben?" Sammy shouts, zeroing in on him. "Maybe it was a good thing you got stuck here and fell off the monorail. It gave you a chance to be brave and face your fears! But now it seems to have turned you into a heartless jerk! I've come to accept that Yaz has trust issues and doesn't like me, but you seem to be tryin' on purpose to be mean! You're… you're… you're Hydra's Mutt!"
"I, I… I'm what?" Ben stutters, unsure how to respond to this emotional explosion.
"You're Hydra's Mutt!" Sammy wails, taking a moment to breathe. "The Winter Soldier did become stronger after he fell, but you know what also happened to him? He was brainwashed by Hydra and became a heartless assassin! And Peeta? The sweet nice guy? He became a mutt that the Capitol used to try to kill Katniss through… through… Yaz?!"
"H-hijacking," Yasmina stutters quietly.
"Yeah!" Sammy shouts. "He was hijacked and his oh so sweet personality was replaced with a killer mutt! You're just like them! Except you don't have the Capitol hijacking you or Hydra brainwashing you! This is just your decision to become a big, fat jerk to the rest of us!"
Sammy throws off Kenji's arm and climbs down the ladder, crying. Ben's eyes dart between the others. None of the group was meeting his eyes, and he could feel it: they all agreed with Sammy. He looks down at his hands, unsure what to do.
Kenji gets up and climbs down the ladder. Darius and Brooklynn follow suit, going after Sammy. Toothless, Mocha, and Indigo follow their parents; curious about why Sammy was yelling and crying. Yasmina pets Rima, not wanting to talk to Sammy, but not wanting to talk to Ben, either.
After some awkward silence, Ben clears his throat and asks: "Do you agree with her?"
Yasmina's hand freezes, and Rima gives her an annoyed look. She starts petting her again. "Well, she said a lot of things."
"Do you agree with her?" Ben asks. "About… any of it?"
Yasmina hesitates. "I… I mean… she's gotta… a point about the phone… and I guess it's not helpful to constantly remind her about her mistakes…"
Ben rubs the back of Princess's head. She was chilled and laid back, and completely unfazed by Sammy's yelling. "And about what she said to me?"
Yasmina looks away, preferring to avoid the conversation entirely.
"You agree with her," Ben says quietly.
"You haven't been nice lately," Yasmina winces. "You're… You are a jerk right now. You kept making rude comments to her… and to Brooklynn to a degree. It's just… I don't know. It's like you're doing it on purpose."
"I wanted you to respect me," Ben mumbles.
"What?!" Yasmina snaps. "You wanted us to respect you, so you became a jerk?! How does that make any sense?!"
"I wanted to become brave and tough!" Ben hisses. "I wanted to be a strong guy instead of a wussy wimp!"
"The thing I respected about you the most was your compassion!" Yasmina spits. "Your sincerity! Your kindness! I didn't have a problem with you being fearful and scared; I don't judge you for that! I judge you for being a jerk!"
Ben gaps in shock. "What?!"
"I never mocked you for being scared," Yasmina insists. "Everyone has fears. No one is truly fearless. I have fears! I'm not judging you for it! Sure, it's not good to have anxiety about simple things, but I wasn't going to make you feel bad about it! Did I ever put you down for it? I can't recall a time where I did."
"N-no," Ben shakes his head.
"I'm proud of you for overcoming your fears," Yasmina says. "But… the thing I respected the most was your compassion. Sure, your love for Bumpy seemed counterproductive because we were trying to survive, but it was still… honorable. To have love and compassion for a dinosaur even while trying to survive… that's respectable. You can be brave and still be loving and have compassion. That's something I wish I could be."
"You wish you were vulnerable?" Ben grumbles.
"Maybe it's better than being a jerk!" Yasmina hisses. "You're afraid of death but I'm… I'm afraid of… emotional pain. Opening up to people is scary for me because I'm afraid that they'll hurt me. You don't have that fear. You're kind and compassionate. It's just… I liked your heart. I've seen too many people care only about themselves at the expense of others. You care for life so much that you were willing to take on Bumpy, even though it could've possibly cost you your life. That's why I trusted you. Because I could see that you were a good person. You cared about life and you loved others at the expense of yourself. I wish I was like that…"
"What? You wish that you would give of yourself to save others whether they deserved it or not?" Ben asks. "That is you. You were willing to die in the Mosasaurus lagoon to save Darius and Sammy, even though Sammy had hurt you."
Yasmina looks away. "I'm still not nice to people. I… I…"
"Say it," Ben says. "Whatever it is, just tell me."
Yasmina shakes her head and attempts to get up. She tries to hop away to the roof to get away, but Ben gets up and grabs her arm. He supports her so that she doesn't teeter over, but he also keeps her from escaping the uncomfortable conversation. "What is it?"
"I don't want to say," Yasmina says. "I don't like hurting people I care about. I don't want to say it."
"Yaz, say it," Ben insists.
Yasmina bites her lip. "I respected you before you fell off the monorail. I think kindness is more important than fearlessness in my friends. Both are important, but I'd rather hangout with someone who's kind and scared than someone who's brave and a jerk. And… the meaner you've become… the more respect you've lost from me."
The athlete winces and tries to pull her arm out of his grasp, but he pulls her down into a seated position. Then Ben sits back a bit and thinks about her words. They stung, sure, but in a way he was relieved…
"This is like when I told my Mom I was afraid of becoming a mother like her," Yasmina sighs.
"Wow," Ben says. He starts to chuckle. "So I can be brave and tough without being a bully?"
"Yes," she sighs. "Were you trying to be a jerk?"
Ben nods. "Sorta. I… Yaz, I wasn't proud of myself before. I… I hated myself! I was this wimpy, wussy kid who couldn't do anything with anxiety! I hated it! After falling off the monorail, I realized I liked myself better when I was brave. I… I felt like a man. I wanted to be looked up to and respected, instead of being looked down upon as someone to protect."
"I never looked down upon you when we had to protect you," Yasmina says softly.
"You don't…" Ben sighs. "You feel the same way. Do you enjoy having to rely on others all the time? Doesn't it make you feel weak?"
Yasmina chuckles sheepishly. "Sorry."
"I'm okay with being rescued," Ben says. "I'm not some big macho guy who can do everything for himself. But after a while of always being looked after—especially when everyone else has had some sort of heroic moment—it feels degrading in a way. I've been bullied for this my whole life. All the popular jock guys at my school beat me up and make fun of me for being wimpy and sensitive."
"Don't let them get to you," Yasmina says.
"After years, they finally do," Ben sighs. "It… You could be 'weak.' You could let others help you and be sensitive and emotional and people would be fine with it. You can also be strong and heroic and people applaud you for it. But when a guy is weaker and sensitive and emotional, we're called weak and gay. It's hard for a guy who's naturally more emotional to get through this world without being called names."
Yasmina nods. "That… that would be frustrating."
"It feels like society says I can either be a wussy, bullied kid who's sensitive and emotional," Ben bemoans, "or be a big macho man who's a jerk and always looking down upon women."
"So you would rather be a jerk just to be respected?" Yasmina asks.
"No," Ben shakes his head. "I don't respect myself either way. I don't respect my wimpy self, but I don't like the jerk me."
"So be brave and be kind," Yasmina smiles. "And ignore the haters. They're probably faking everything anyway. I liked you because you didn't try to hide everything. You were honest about your fears and didn't try to be someone you weren't."
Ben smiles. There is a bit of silence. "I used to tell myself that I would never give up my compassion and kindness," Ben chuckles. "I said I would never allow myself to change who I am to please others. But you have no idea how much survival and self-hatred can change you."
"Yeah," Yasmina nods.
"I wanted to make sure that my morals never changed," Ben says. "You know, if I'm gonna die here, I wanna still be Ben. I don't wanna become some monster that's bent on survival. I want to be me. The compassionate, kind me."
Yasmina nods, understanding. From down underneath the shelter, Kenji shouts: "If wE bUrN, yOu bUrN wItH uS!"
"Shut up, Kenji!" Yasmina shouts down. Sammy and the others start laughing.
"Oh my gosh, I really am Peeta," Ben facepalms.
The others climb back up into the shelter. Sammy follows. Her eyes and nose were red from crying.
"I'm sorry, Sammy," Ben apologizes, biting his lip. "I was being a jerk to you for absolutely no reason, and you didn't deserve it. I'm sorry for picking on you."
Sammy nods, smiling wearily. "Sorry for exploding."
"No, I needed that slap in the face," Ben says. "And that insult. Dang, you came up with a well thought out insult. I never thought you'd be good at that."
Sammy chuckles. "So… can we just be friends now?"
"Of course," Ben nods. He moves in and gives her a hug. Sammy engulfs him with her hug, happy to finally make up with him.
Darius smiles. "Nice to see you two finally getting along."
The two in question chuckle.
"Now you can set a good example for Princess," Darius smiles, gesturing to the little hatchling. "They all copy us, so if we want them to be nice and get along, we must get along, too."
"Yaz, that includes you," Brooklynn sneers. "If you don't want Rima to choke you, don't choke me."
"Shut up," Yasmina rolls her eyes with a sheepish grin. "Speaking of apologizing, I'm sorry, too, Sammy. I'll stop making you feel guilty."
Sammy smiles and goes in for a hug. Yasmina awkwardly hugs her back. "That being said… friendship is still…"
"It's fine, I get it," Sammy nods. "You don't trust me. I'd just like to stop being bullied for it."
"I'll stop," Yasmina nods.
The group lays down together, snuggling up close to each other.
The next day, Ben and Brooklynn are sent out to gather more edible plants. Ben just follows Brooklynn's lead, not knowing what plants were edible. The one plant he could remember was Acai berries. "I lived on these things for about a week straight," he says to Brooklynn with a chuckle. "That and Compy meat. The taste kinda grows on you after a while."
"I just might have to try that sometime," Brooklynn laughs.
"Oh, you might have to," Ben says, his eyes widening as he laughs.
"Did you ever feel like I made fun of you for being afraid?" Brooklynn asks as she closes the small bag of berries.
"No," Ben shakes his head. "None of you made fun of me. Kenji was the only one who seemed really annoyed, but none of you made me feel bad. There was just… it was almost like a social hierarchy level. And I could just tell that I was at the bottom of that hierarchy."
"Sorry if we made you feel that way," Brooklynn says. "I know what it's like to be irrationally afraid of things. My older brother would tell me all these horror stories when I was little and scare me to death. Sharks and the ocean were my biggest fear. Fire, quicksand, bats, crocodiles, wolves, and crawfish were some other big ones."
"Crawfish?" Ben laughs. "Not trying to make fun of you but can you elaborate on that one?"
"That one wasn't from my brother, that was actually from watching Laura Ingles," Brooklynn laughs. "There was this one episode where they were playing in the creek and a mean crawfish snapped at one of the girls and it freaked me out."
Ben laughs. "I can't imagine you being scared of anything. You seem so fearless, always jumping in without hesitation."
"Well, like you, when I tried to fix that," Brooklynn chuckles sheepishly, "I did 180. I became reckless—mostly for views."
"How did you get over your fears?" Ben asks. "Your channel?"
"Some of them left naturally," Brooklynn explains. "Like the crawfish. I just kinda grew out of it. Matured, if you will. But it was my channel that helped with the others. When I was making videos about how to train dogs, somebody left a comment. They explained that they were afraid of dogs, but learning about them on my channel made them less scary. That left a mark in my brain. So after I covered all the pets, I thought, 'Why don't I try learning about things that scare me?'"
"How would that work?" Ben asks.
"Well, oftentimes, the more you know, the less scary things are," Brooklynn shrugs. "Sharks were scary until I learned how to handle an attack and the fact that they aren't as vicious as I thought they were. Wolves are scary until you learn that they're very skittish unless provoked. I kinda centered my channel around learning or 'unboxing' different subjects. Because it made me feel safer. I'm scared of the unknown. The less I know about something, the scarier it is. That's why I hang with Darius around here."
"You're a Xenophobe," Ben says.
Brooklynn gives a look of complete shock and disgust. "I am NOT a Xenophobe! I've been working on not being racist—"
Ben bursts into uncontrollable laughter. "I would give anything to get your reaction on camera," he wheezes. "Xenophobia is the fear of the unknown. People have narrowed down the meaning to mean fear of foreign people and strangers, but the phobia is much broader than that. Trust me, I know fears."
Brooklynn sighs with a chuckle. "Oh, I didn't know that. I thought you were calling me a racist."
Ben laughs. "None of us are racist. You're fine. I just love saying that and watching people's reactions. It was funny until people took it too seriously…"
Brooklynn laughs.
"After staring death in the face and having to pick myself up and move on, my other fears just didn't seem as strong," Ben says thoughtfully. "It's like once I faced the worst, everything else felt tame. I still feel fear, but… I've felt worse fear. I just try to be fearless."
"You can't be fearless," Brooklynn shakes her head. "No one is fearless. You can be brave, though. Being brave is acting and facing your fears despite the fear you feel."
The two head back to camp. "What made you feel like you had to be a jerk?" Brooklynn asks. "Being a jerk doesn't equal bravery."
"It wasn't that I thought being brave meant being a jerk…" Ben sighs. "It was more of… trying to act tougher and cooler. I wanted to be respected and liked by my peers. In that moment, I wanted to feel as strong and respected as the cool jocks were in school. You know, the stereotypical strong guys who constantly put down the smart kids. Eh… that came out wrong. I wanted to be looked up to like they were. I kinda forgot that they were jerks to me. I…"
"You were in the kill or be killed mindset," Brooklynn says softly.
"That's a good way to put it," Ben nods. "It's funny, I'm not even in school. I don't know why I felt the need to impress people I don't even know who are miles away."
"Were you trying to impress us?" Brooklynn asks. "Put yourself higher up on the social hierarchy?"
"Yeah," Ben nods. "After beating up Toro, it felt like I had a chance of actually surviving. The strongest survive in the wild, and… I wanted to survive, so… I didn't think that that way of thinking would carry over into my social life."
"Honestly, it be that way, though," Brooklynn shrugs. "You always have to outdo your competition for popularity and stuff. I'm just surprised you were affected by that."
"Affected by what?" Ben asks. "Affected by the desire to be liked and looked up to by your peers? Everyone has that desire. What's so different about me?"
"I…" Brooklynn stutters. "I just… didn't think you cared so much about what others thought of you."
"I cared," Ben nods. "That's why I hated myself for being so scared. Everyone looked down upon me and it felt awful. What's the worst feeling for you?"
"Not being liked," she admits. "Being told that I'm stupid or lame or ugly… Being disliked is a terrible feeling."
"For me, it's being looked down upon," he says, putting his hands in his pockets. "The bullies at school, they just had this sneer about them whenever they looked at me. It told me that because I was so anxious and scared I wasn't worth anything. That I was beneath them. That I was an object of disdain. That felt terrible. Even my cousins had that sort of attitude about them. Everytime I worried or made an objection, they'd roll their eyes like I was such a hindrance to their fun. I just didn't know how to face my fears and get over them."
"Sounds like torture," the pinkette whispers.
"Now you can see why I jumped at the idea of becoming more popular," Ben says solemnly.
Brooklynn is quiet, thinking over what he said. The two arrive back at camp and approach Yasmina and Darius. Sammy and Kenji were goofing off next to the ladder. "Leg," Kenji says, pointing to Sammy's leg.
She gives him a confused look, but goes along with it. "Leg," she says, pointing to his leg.
"Elbow," he grins, pointing to her elbow.
"Here's some more food for us," Brooklynn says, handing Darius the bag.
"What's new on the Kenji and Sammy podcast?" Ben asks with a chuckle.
Yasmina opens her mouth to say something when Kenji shouts out: "STOP TOUCHING MY WENIS, SAMMY!"
The others whip their heads around—albeit, Darius winces—and stare in shock. Kenji and Sammy chuckle sheepishly. "Wenis," Kenji grins, pointing to the skin on the tip of his elbow. "That's what it's called. She keeps—STOP POKING MY WENIS!"
Sammy snorts, poking Kenji's elbow just to irritate him.
"You two sound so sus right now," Brooklynn shakes her head, bursting into chuckles.
That afternoon, Ben and Kenji take their two Indoraptors to the waterhole to explore. Toothless bounds through the grass and pokes her snout in the water, making air bubbles. Princess follows her lead. Then Toothless scampers over to the cattails and tries to catch a dragonfly. Princess trots after her, content with whatever her crazy sister did.
"Your Indo is so chill," Kenji chuckles, leaning back against a tree. "She's just like, 'Oh, Toothless is doing this? Okay, whatever.'"
"She is really laid back," Ben agrees. "She's easier to deal with than Rima."
The two boys chuckle. "I'm still not entirely convinced that she didn't imprint on Yaz," Kenji snickers. "They act the exact same. You missed it." Kenji laughs. "While you and Brooklynn were out scavenging, Rima decided to check out the backpacks of food. Yaz told her no, and she just tilted her head like, 'And what if I don't listen to you?' She likes to see how far she can push the limit."
"Then there's Mocha, who's just a cinnamon roll, like Darius," Ben grins.
"And Indigo is a little manipulative brat like Brooklynn," Kenji laughs. "Did you see when Indigo stole Rima's treat, and then Yasmina and Brooklynn got involved. Indigo played the victim and made this little sad face and all these little sobbing twitters, telling the girls how bad Rima was. And they believed her and gave Indigo the treat. The little brat gave Rima this little smirk over her shoulder, I swear."
Ben laughs. "And Toothless is just as weird as you."
Kenji cracks up. "Ugh, man, is that what it's like to live with me? I'm just kidding, I love her. But she can be so particular and stubborn sometimes."
"That's you," Ben shrugs. Then he frowns. "Does Princess mean to tell me that I'm going to be a follower for the rest of my life?"
"Do you want to be a leader?" Kenji asks.
"Well, not really," Ben chuckles. "I don't want to be this big strong leader that's always heroic. Sounds too stressful. But I don't want to be the baby of the group who's too afraid of pulling his weight." Ben sticks his tongue out in disgust.
Kenji looks at him, concerned. "Sounds like a bit of self-hatred there, bruh."
"A bit," Ben admits, tilting his head. "Well, hatred for the old me. And the new me."
"And who are you exactly?" Kenji asks, confused.
"The old me was the Ben before falling off the monorail," the younger boy explains with a sigh. "The one too afraid to buckle himself in. The… the Ben 2.0 was the Ben who survived, but became a jerk and made Sammy cry. The new Ben… Ben 3.0 if you will, is hopefully a mix of the two. A mix of the good parts, mind you. Kindness from the old Ben and bravery from Ben 2.0. I hate myself for being so scared and being such a jerk."
"Stop beating yourself up," Kenji says, putting his hand on Ben's shoulder. "We all have flaws and we all make mistakes. It's true."
Ben smirks. "Noo, you?"
"I know, I know, it might seem hard to believe," Kenji says dramatically, wrapping his arm around Ben's shoulder. "But the great, magnificent Kenji has his flaws. A lot of them… okay, on an honest note, I have a ton of flaws. Some unnamed people seem to enjoy pointing them out like a pastime… And I know that it seems like I love myself and always love to point out how great I am, but I'm just as self-hating as you are."
"What?" Ben frowns, truly shocked.
"It's true," Kenji shrugs. "Everyone thinks I'm narcissistic and have an over-inflated view of myself, but I don't. I… I act that way because I don't want others to know my flaws. I want people to like me and see the good in me, which is why I try to over-inflate my skills and positives. I can be just as scared as you… well, actually I can be scared. Maybe not as much as you, but I'm afraid more often than I admit. I'm not judging you for any of that, and I don't think it's fair for you to hate yourself with a passion for it. You are a nice guy, and really sweet. You have many positives that outweigh the bad, even in… the old Ben."
Ben smiles, and draws his knees up to his chest. "Thanks, Kenji."
"You're welcome, bruh," Kenji says, clapping him on the back before darting over to grab Toothless. The little curious Indo had decided to check out a snake, and the alpha male had to sweep her up out of harm's way. The snake was not venomous, thankfully, so Kenji had nothing to worry about. "Come on, you're not supposed to like eels," Kenji says as he drops her next to Ben. "Get it? See what I… never mind."
Princess trots over to Ben, rubs her head along his hand and curls up next to his hip, purring.
"Just curious, what made you so… afraid of everything?" Kenji asks. "I mean, was there one specific reason or did it just kinda happen?"
"Like abuse or trauma?" Ben asks.
"Well…" Kenji hesitates. "I wasn't—"
"Yes, it was probably trauma and abuse," Ben interrupts.
"Really?" Kenji says, concern rising up in his chest. "From your parents?"
"Yeah," Ben nods. "Not the Pincus's; I was adopted by them."
"I…" Kenji says quietly. "I didn't know that…"
"I'm not embarrassed or anything, it's just not something I talk about," Ben says, picking at the grass in front of him. "My Mom wasn't able to have kids, despite how desperately she wanted them. It was a few months after she found out that she couldn't conceive that Miss Leanna—a family friend who's a social worker—told them about this three year old boy in an abusive home situation. So… they adopted me."
"Do you… remember anything?" Kenji asks.
"No, thank God," Ben chuckles bitterly. "I was three when they adopted me, so I can't remember my biological family. We're pretty sure the trauma I received is the reason—or the main reason—why I was so paranoid and anxious."
"Can I… ask what… happened?" Kenji queries tentatively.
"Yeah, it's fine," Ben smiles. "It's not this big, sensitive subject where I'll get mad if you talk about it. My parents never really told me what happened to me. They just told me that my home life was abusive. But I know what happened."
"How'd you find out?" Kenji asks, tilting his head to see Ben's face.
The younger boy sighs. "A few years ago, I found my birth certificate. I… I found out that my biological parents didn't name me Ben; my adopted parents did. My original name was Tristian Brisbane."
The alpha male chuckles softly. "I can't see you as a Tristian Brisbane."
"Me neither," Ben laughs. "I looked through the police files online and found my father through there. He… He was a drug dealer; part of a gang. The police tracked him down and tried to arrest him. He… He held my mother, me, and my sister captive to use as a ransom or something. He killed… my sister the first time they tried to break in."
Kenji's eyes slowly move to look at his hands, feeling sorry for Ben.
"The police tried to enter the house a different way. My mother tried to escape with me, but he… he shot her. The police stopped him before he could kill me. I was placed in foster care for a few months before my parents adopted me and renamed me."
"That… that's terrible," Kenji murmurs. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, you didn't do anything," Ben smiles dryly. "You know, I used to hate the name Ben. For me, it was another bullying tool. The bullies thought it was some cutesy, unoriginal name and used it against me. But… But I looked up the meaning of Tristian. It means tumult and sorrow. You know what Ben means? Right-handed son; blessed. Now, the name Ben reminds me of how blessed I am that my parents saved me from that terrible situation…"
Kenji nods, smiling. Not knowing what to say, he pats Ben on the back.
"What happened to your Mom?" Ben asks. "You only talk about your Dad and… Candy, was it?"
"Candy is my Dad's new girlfriend," Kenji explains. "She's some hot, Italian model chick he found. They've been dating for six months. Or… seven. It's been a month on the island. He's had three ex-girlfriends before her and one ex-wife."
"Dang," Ben mumbles. "Sounds… chaotic. Did you like any of them?"
"Eh," Kenji shrugs. "Mrs. Soares, and Mrs. Larousse were kinda meh. They weren't there for me and didn't really care about me. They just wanted the money. Miss Meghan was nice. She at least seemed to like me and tried to make an effort to connect. The only one I would really call Mom was Mrs. Choi, Hayoon's mom… But Dad divorced her after a year… I was pretty upset after that."
"That's sad," Ben frowns.
"My Mom… died of cancer when I was five…" Kenji murmurs. "I only have a few memories of her. Dad was… Dad was good then. He cared… After Mom died, he just… he just shut off. Cared more about work than me. I… I don't have much respect for him. He's a player, constantly messing around. He doesn't really care about me… He's good, financially. I respect the way he handles his wealth and business. He's more truthful and has better morals than a lot of the business men you can think of. But other than that… I don't respect him. What kind of man abandons his son after his wife dies…"
"Someone dealing with grief," Ben suggests. "I'm sorry you have such a lousy father, though."
"Don't be, you didn't do anything," Kenji retorts with a grin.
"Touche," Ben smirks, shaking his head. "You know, after I fell off the monorail, I was stuck on the ground for a few days. It gave me time to think. Actually, being alone with only a baby Ankylosaurus to give you company gives you a lot of time to think. I know you say not to hate myself, but… I certainly didn't have much respect for myself. It's kinda hard to respect yourself when you're cowardly and can't even lend a hand to your friends."
"It's really easy to lose respect for yourself when you focus on your flaws," Kenji interrupts. "Try to focus more on your positives. Don't think, 'I need to be brave to be respected.' Think: 'Yeah, my courage sucks, and I will work on it, but I'm a nice, kind guy.' Don't act like you're perfect, but don't inflate your flaws."
Ben smiles. "Could've used that advice beforehand. Through my thinking, I came to the conclusion that others respect you more when you respect yourself. And if I wanted confidence in myself, I better fake it till I make it. That's… I tried to act braver than I was until I convinced myself that I wasn't scared. Well, convinced myself that things weren't as scary as falling off the monorail."
"That's basically what confidence is," Kenji chuckles. "Faking it until you truly believe in yourself. Sometimes you just gotta leap and fall flat on your face before learning how to land on your feet."
"I didn't know how to fake confidence," Ben admits. "So I just tried to copy the confident people I knew: you and Yaz. You two are so strong and fearless. And you guys don't hesitate to help your friends when we're in trouble. I wanted to be more like that."
Ben looks over at the alpha male and sees tears dripping down his face. "I'm not crying, there's just a bug… in both of my eyes… that's irritating both of them equally… okay, what the heck, we both know I'm crying!" Kenji moves in quickly and wraps his arms around Ben. The younger boy tentatively embraces him, curious. "I'm touched, Ben," Kenji says through his sniffles. "I'm touched."
"Y-You're welcome," Ben stutters.
"Bruh, if you don't think I've been faking it till I made it this whole time, you don't know me," Kenji sighs. "I've been trying to get respect and love from the others just like you. But… you really wanted to be like me?"
"Yeah," Ben nods. "You were so strong and took charge when no one else did. I wanted to be like that."
"You have no idea how much that means to me," Kenji says, pulling back. "I thought I was just an idiot who was getting in everyone else's way. To hear that you looked up to me… that just… thank you. That means a lot."
"You're welcome," Ben smiles. "You're better than you think you are, Kenji."
"You should write fortune cookies," Kenji chuckles. "Thank you, though."
"No, really," Ben shakes his head. "You are. Do you know what your name means?"
"I've never really cared about name meanings and stuff," Kenji shrugs. "I'm not into all that prophecy and destiny stuff. Ben's got a good meaning, not taking that away from you, though."
"Well, I believe everyone has the name they have for a reason," Ben says. "I looked up Kenji. It means intelligent second son; strong and vigorous. I think that's you."
Kenji smiles. "Thanks. We should be heading back, Toothless is getting into too much trouble!" His voice cracks at the end as he runs to scoop up Toothless. The black hatchling had fallen into the pond. She was flailing around, unsure how to keep her head above the water yet. "I think it's time for you to get back home," Kenji says to her. "This was a lovely talk, though. I think we both needed that."
Ben nods.
The two head back to the camp. Night falls and chaos ensues during dinner. Of course, Sammy had found her new favorite pastime and with devilish joy continues to poke Kenji in the elbow, eliciting very odd comments, high-pitched comments from the alpha male. So the night was filled with laughter and high-pitched shrieks.
After dinner, the group begins their nightly routine. Darius had the first watch, so he sat up to keep an eye out for danger. Brooklynn snuggles up next to Darius. Yasmina lays down next to Darius and Sammy lays next to Brooklynn. Ben rests beside Yasmina and Kenji flops down next to Ben.
Over the course of ten minutes, Darius watches as the perfect sleeping positions are dismantled. Kenji's mouth flops open and his legs go splayed eagle. He starts snoring. Sammy somehow went from laying next to Brooklynn to using Kenji's leg as a pillow with her feet in Brooklynn's face. The pinkette had yet to move, but her mouth was open and Darius could hear her breathing lightly. Yasmina had grabbed Ben's right arm and used him as a blanket. The blonde boy was practically on top of her as he slept like a dead body.
Just as Darius was about to wake someone, Ben wakes up with a start. "And the nightmares strike again," Darius mumbles.
"Yeah," Ben sighs. He slowly turns his head to stare at Yasmina, then looks up at Darius. "How did I end up on top of her?"
"She's using you as a blanket," Darius chuckles.
Sammy lifts her head and chest. "Habada badaba dada blurp!" With her eyes closed, her head goes limp and she resumes her snoring.
Darius and Ben smother their giggles. "What?!" Ben snorts.
"She said that if you talk to her, she'll talk back," Darius explains. Sammy shifts and pushes Darius down with her feet. Yasmina shifts and buries her face in Darius's shirt, snuggling the two boys in her sleep. "Guess I'll sleep," Darius says, attempting to shrug. "You got the watch?"
"Yeah, I can take it," Ben says, trying to sit up. Yasmina won't budge. "And Kenji thought I had an iron grip," the boy mumbles. "I'll keep watch from here. At least, until Yaz lets go."
"Good luck," Darius mumbles with a chuckle.
A moment of silence passes, broken only by Kenji and Sammy's snoring. "I was surprised by how everyone reacted to me not being dead. I… I didn't realize everyone cared so much. Especially Kenji and Yaz."
"We all love you," Darius murmurs. "Why would that surprise you?"
"I know, I just…" Ben sighs. "I thought I annoyed everyone. I thought I was just a hindrance to survival. Especially Yaz and Kenji. When they were so happy and… crying… it really shocked me. I didn't know that I meant that much to them."
"On the outside, they were annoyed with you," Darius says. "And you might've gotten in the way a couple times, but that doesn't mean they hated you. You touched us all; you touched those two the most. Kenji has no friends at home and I think he feels like no one cares. I guess, when you came to him for protection, it made him feel important."
Ben nods.
"And Yaz has terrible trust issues," Darius rolls his eyes. "She's very cynical. I think the fact that you were so… I don't know how to put it… I guess the word I'm looking for is real. You never put up a front or tried to pretend like things didn't bother you. You were just yourself. And you were compassionate and caring. I think your honesty and kindness touched her."
"Yeah," Ben says, chewing on his lip. "She said she liked me because I didn't try to be someone I wasn't."
"Be glad that she doesn't have anything against you," Darius tschs. "It's been months of that."
"I still find it funny that my compassion was what she liked the most," Ben remarks. "She seemed so annoyed with Bumpy."
"I think it was probably a combination of stress and thinking Bumpy was counterproductive to survival," Darius smirks. "Think about it this way: as irritated as she was with you, she chose to ride in the kayak with you."
"She didn't want to ride with Sammy," Ben shrugs.
"Yeah, but she could've ridden with me," Darius points out. "And she was totally fine with me. She still chose to ride with you. Doesn't that tell you something?"
Ben smiles. "I guess I never thought about it that way."
"Good night," Darius yawns.
Ben chuckles. "Okay, I'll let you sleep." As Darius falls asleep, Ben lays there, hardly able to contain his smile. "I guess I really wasn't as bad as I thought I was," he ponders. "Yeah, I became Hydra's Mutt, but the Winter Soldier becomes a hero again and Peeta heals from… whatever Yaz said."
As the moon slowly passes through the ebony night sky, Ben sighs with relief. Yes, he needed to stop being so scared all the time.
But he was loved just the way he was, no matter what he did.