It took a week for the scars to form. They weren't too terrible looking, thanks to Angela, but they were there. It was a shock everytime you looked in the mirror, seeing those scars born so prominently across your cheek, the nicks in your ear that would never grow back. You didn't mind the scars on your body, they weren't as bad. They served as a reminder of what you'd lost, what you'd sacrificed because you hadn't been strong enough, what you would never let happen again. You often found yourself running the pads of your fingers over the rough skin when you were lost in thought, and the action always brought Gibson to mind. Eventually, you'd stopped crying.

In the span of that week, Jesse hardly ever left your side. He made you food, he brought you drinks, he brought you flowers once, those blue calla lilies you'd told him you liked. You don't know how he got them, they were entirely out of season. But you appreciated the gestures, the way he fretted and fawned over you. It made you smile, and that was one of the things you had needed most.

You also appreciated the quiet moments when he wasn't around. You loved Jesse, he was a great friend, but he could be loud and boisterous, which you couldn't handle all the time. Hanzo was a good companion during those quiet times. He was still a mystery to you, you didn't know why he was so adamant about helping you, but you grew to like his presence. It took you a few precious days, but you eventually got the hang of his humour, enough so that you were able to coerce a chuckle out of him a few times.

And then, one night, it happened. It was some ungodly hour in the morning and you'd just woken from the nightmare, the one you would carry with you for a while to come. You'd woken sobbing, searching for the scent of cigars, whiskey, and that very particular cologne Jesse had started wearing, and instead found sandalwood, cherryblossoms, and sake as fingers wrapped gently around yours.

You looked up in surprise, meeting the gaze of those dark, concerned eyes, and paused, hesitating. You hadn't expected it to be Hanzo who came rushing to your side, hadn't expected the touch - he'd kept a respectable distance from you compared to his boyfriend - but none of it was unwelcome.

He was crouched beside you on the couch, gently holding one of your hands in his. He looked about as surprised at his actions as you were, but the surprise melted into a knowing, determined look. Moving slowly, he sat you up and sat down next to you on the couch, pulling you against his chest, gently smoothing your hair down. "Shh, Hachi, it is going to be okay," he murmured.

It took you a second to realise what was going on, but the moment you did, you melted into it, clutching at his shirt. You let him wrap an arm around you, shuddering as a sob wracked through your body. "I saw it again," you managed, squeezing your eyes shut.

"I know," he said quietly, leaning back against the arm of the couch so he was almost laying back, but not quite. He'd held you there for the rest of the night, soothing you back to sleep with some old tune that he hummed for a while. You suspected it was some Japanese lullaby. Ever since that night, he'd seemed more open with you, looser in a sense. He certainly smiled a lot more around you.

Now, another week later, you stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the neck of your turtleneck. You looked somber in the black turtleneck and dark gray trousers, but it was a funeral, after all. Jack had finally given the okay for the funeral under the guise that the cause of Gibson's death had been a wolf attack in the Epping Forest. To some degree, it was true, but it was still going to hurt to lie to his parents.

You found your fingers trailing over the scars on your cheek again, your eyes beginning to tear up. 'It shouldn't have happened like this…'

"You're still gorgeous," Jesse's voice rang out from the doorway, and you looked up to meet his gaze through the mirror. "The scars just make you look a mite more dangerous." He was smiling sadly, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. Unlike you, Jesse wasn't dressed for the funeral; his red flannel and jeans would stick out like a sore thumb. That was okay, though. Jesse had an op that was scheduled to run while you were gone, so he wasn't going to be able to come with you.

You managed a weak smile, dropping your hand. "I never wanted to look dangerous. It's going to scare Mr. and Mrs. Knight." Your smile faded. "At least I look better than Gibs did."

Jesse frowned and came over, gently resting his hands on your shoulders. "Don't go carrying around his death like this, darlin'. It ain't healthy. You did the best you could."

"That's what everyone keeps telling me," you sighed, shaking your head and beginning to pin your hair up. You wanted to look nice for this, not only was it your best friend's funeral, but it was going to be rather fancy. Gibson's parents had a lot of money, enough so that the family had its own graveyard. The funeral itself was planned to take place in their enormous house, and was supposed to be more like a party to celebrate his life rather than mourn over his death. A somber party, but a party nonetheless.

You finished your hair and moved to slip into your bathroom to touch up your makeup, noting how Jesse's gaze followed you. He sported that stupid grin of his again. "What's on your mind, Jesse?" you asked, tearing your gaze away from him to meet your face in the mirror. Maybe you could cover those scars… Hana knew more about makeup than you did, maybe she could help you. Did you have time to have her beat your face before you had to leave?

"Nothin, darlin', just admiring the view," he said, chuckling to himself.

You frowned and rolled your eyes. You didn't mind it so much, he'd been doing it more often these days. You figured it was okay as long as he didn't actually hit on you. "One of these days Hanzo's going to catch you doing that, you know."

Jesse actually laughed at that. "Maybe, but he don't mind."

You raised an eyebrow, pausing. "Is that so?" you asked, watching him curiously as he came over to stand in the bathroom's doorway and looked down at you. He looked amused at how skeptical you looked.

"True as can be, sweetpea. He don't mind a hoot, reckon I've even found him doin' it a few times himself," he said, cocking his head at you. Despite his smile, his eyes were sharp, watching as if to gauge your reaction. "Neither of us mind." There was an unspoken question at the end, one that made you flush; "Do you?"

Your eyes widened and you looked away, clearing your throat. "Well, that's, um, that's good that you two trust each other that much," you said, quickly setting to putting your makeup away. You had a gut feeling about the conversation that would happen if you probed further and you weren't sure you were ready for that right now, not with Gibson's funeral today, not with the procedure coming up, not with so much on your mind. "It's admirable. I'm… I'm glad your relationship is that strong."

"Briallen, am I making you uncomfortable?" he asked, leaning back a bit as if to give you some space. "Because if I am, you are allowed to tell me to take a hike."

"What? No, I'm.. I-you don't," you struggled to get the words out, a makeup brush still clutched in one hand. Emotion bubbled up in your chest, too much to keep everything in, and it frustrated you. "I just, I-I get the feeling you're about to ask me something really important, something that I can't answer right now because I'm-I'm not in the right headspace, like, I can't even name all of my emotions right now, it's all just a muddled mess and I don't even know if I'm worth it-"

"You are more than worth it, Briallen," Jesse interrupted, frowning as he shook his head. He could see the frustrated tears that had begun to line your eyes and he sighed, opening up his arms in an invitation. "C'mere, doll."

You paused, hesitant for just a second, before you set the makeup brush down and slowly pressed yourself against his chest. It was as warm and pleasant as always, and with the added weight of his arms resting on your shoulders, some of the anxiety had begun to fade.

"I don't ever want to hear you sayin' you ain't worth it, baby," he murmured, warm breath ruffling your hair a bit. "I understand if you need some time, there's no rush, but I don't want you to make a decision off the concept that you might not be worth it, cuz you are." He pulled away a bit, curling a finger underneath your chin to make you look up at him. "Do you understand?"

"Yeah," you said, searching his gaze. Your eyes drifted down to his lips, noting the way they curved into a frown. They looked soft. The edges quirked up a bit and you looked up to find him watching you, amused.

"What're you thinkin' about?" he asked quietly, his thumb brushing against your jawline, the callouses dragging against your skin and making you shiver. "I can see those wheels turning in those pretty eyes of yours, darlin'."

"Nothing," you lied. It wouldn't hurt, right? He was already offering… something. Would a single kiss seal that? You wanted to know if they were as soft as they looked…

Jesse chuckled, a rumbling sound that rolled through his chest. "You're gonna look at me with those doe eyes and that little pout and tell me there's nothin' goin' on in that pretty little head of yours?"

Were you pouting? You hadn't meant to. This was dangerous, teetering on the edge of a precipice with a long fall you couldn't climb back up from. But you wanted to know what was down there, what was on the other side. Would it mess up your lipstick? Maybe. Would it mess up your friendship? You suspected that had long since changed. You knew for a fact that most friendships weren't like this. Maybe you were already in the deep end and you just hadn't realised it yet. If he was already suggesting what you thought he was, you definitely had already jumped in the pool.

One kiss couldn't hurt, you reasoned, eyes flicking back down to his lips. "How… How much does Hanzo mind?" you asked quietly, cheeks flushing as you pushed yourself up to stand on your tiptoes. Even still, he was going to have to bend his head a bit for this to work, he was so much taller than you.

A slow grin spread across Jesse's face and he dipped his head, coming just close enough to tease. "I think that depends on how much you're talkin' about, sugar," he murmured, his voice low enough to send a shiver down your spine.

'If that wasn't an invitation, I don't know what is…' Tentatively reaching up, your fingers found the hair at the nape of his neck, pulse hammering in your ears. Were you really going to do this?

Yes, yes you were.

You gently tugged his head down a bit, dragging him down into a kiss that he quickly smiled into. He was gentle with you, the hand on your chin shifting to lightly cup your cheek and the other sliding down to your lower back to help keep you up on your toes. It was a much softer kiss than you had anticipated and it left you feeling tingly when he pulled away all too quickly. Your calves burned a bit.

He grinned down at you, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone. "I don't think he'd mind that," he rumbled, pressing a light kiss to the top of your nose. "I didn't either."

You smiled softly, twirling a strand of his hair around your fingers. "I don't think I did either," you said. Maybe you'd be more okay with this than you thought.

He chuckled, and for a second, you thought he was going to kiss you again, but he tilted his chin up and kissed your forehead instead, his beard tickling your nose. "As much as I'd like to keep doing that, you have a train to catch, my dear," he said, letting you sink back down from the tips of your toes. "Is your bag packed?"

You were a bit disappointed when he pulled away, but he had a point. You needed to get going. Shaking your head, you quickly returned to putting away your makeup. "Not yet. I just need to pack my makeup and a few other things. It's not much, but I'm only going to be gone for a couple of days." You looked up and smiled as Piddie came running into the bathroom, carrying a little toy mouse in his mouth.

He dropped it on the counter beside you, purring as he sat back.

"Aww, look at you, my little hunter," you cooed, reaching forward to pet the top of his head. "Are you going to be good for me while I'm gone? Going to be nice for Jesse?"

"Don't worry about it, darl, I'm sure he'll be an angel," Jesse chuckled, shaking his head. "Now, come on! You're gonna miss your train!"

You quickly finished packing your bag, making sure you had enough books to last you a couple of days at the estate. You wouldn't be alone, but you would have plenty of free time after the celebration as you had promised you'd stay a few days when Gibson's parents had offered. Angela had thought it would be good for you to take another week off to help with the grieving process, but you knew she really had pushed this because you'd hardly left your room that first week and she wanted you to get out.

"Hachi, are we ready to go?" Hanzo called, poking his head into your bedroom as you finished zipping up your bag. He was dressed in a nice, crisp suit that somehow made him look a lot more aristocratic than you had expected, though, surprisingly, his tie was a bit crooked.

You chuckled a bit to yourself; Hanzo had always seemed so put together that it made it strange to see even one piece of him out of line. Swallowing the grin that threatened to sprout on your lips, you rolled your bag over to the door, stopping in front of him. "I am, but your tie is all crooked," you said softly, reaching up to fix it. It was silk, which didn't surprise you. "Do you have everything packed?" you asked, glancing up to meet his gaze.

He was looking down at you in surprise, as if he had expected anything but for you to come up and get so close. But he was smiling, even leaned a bit forward to make it easier for you. "Arigato, Hachi, I had not noticed. And yes, I do. Are you sure you want me to come with you? I am sure there are plenty of agents who would be more than happy-"

"Do you not want to come?" you asked, admittedly pouting a bit as you looked down at his tie, smoothing it back down against his chest. "I would like you to come, but you can say no if you'd rather stay here."

Jesse snickered, behind you and Hanzo tossed him a look before turning back to you, laying a gentle hand over yours.

"If you want me to come with you, then I shall. I just thought you would rather have Lena or Hana with you," he offered, his brows furrowing a bit.

Your fingers wrapped loosely around the silk, playing with the fabric a bit. You had to admit, you had originally wanted one of the girls to come with you, but they were both going to be busy this week. Not to say you didn't want Hanzo to come with, he was nice to have around. Who knew, maybe you'd be able to make him laugh more while you were gone. It always felt like such an achievement to make him laugh, he was so grumpy all the time, and you liked his laugh.

"I know," you said finally, fixing the tie in place before pulling your hands from under his. "But I thought it'd be… nice to have you there. Who knows what could have gone wrong with those two, Lena could have charmed everyone too much, Hana might have started livestreaming the whole thing," you chuckled a bit, brushing your hair back behind your ear. "...I don't know what I'm getting at."

Hanzo smiled a bit, a small, careful smile. "It's okay, Hachi, I think I do. I would be more than happy to accompany you."

Jesse chuckled. "Just don't expect him to be much of a people pleaser."

Hanzo frowned, rolling his eyes. "Come on, we're going to miss our train."

She was pretty in a somber way, sitting there on the train with her legs crossed down at the ankle, a book perched in her hands. Her hair was parted in a way that let a few strands fall delicately into her face, though she didn't seem to mind, and her lips puckered ever so slightly whenever she came across a phrase she had to read again or a word she was unfamiliar with. The sunlight filtered in through the window, playing against her cheeks and illuminating her hair. She sat with an almost perfect posture even while hunched over her book, and it occurred to Hanzo that he'd never really seen her slouch.

It also occurred to him that he'd been watching her for too long, and she had noticed.

A smile played across her lips as she glanced up, light catching her eyes and making their honey-glazed depths glow softly. She didn't look up all the way though, letting her gaze drift back down to the words on the pages in front of her. "You're staring," she pointed out, a mirth bouncing in the lilt of her voice. "Is there something on my face?"

For once, Hanzo found himself flushing slightly. He cleared his throat and averted his gaze from the woman across from him. "No, of course not. My apologies."

She chuckled then, tapping her nails against the hard cover of her book. "It's interesting, the differences between you and Jesse. Refreshing, in a way. Sometimes it seems like you two are complete opposites."

He raised an eyebrow, keeping his gaze on the passing trees and fields. "Is that right? How so?"

"Well, for one, Jesse was far from shy when I confronted him about his staring this morning. I swear the fact that I knew made it more fun for him. But you," she cocked her head a bit as she looked up at him, "seem almost embarrassed to have been caught."

"You're enjoying this," he countered, offering her a small smile. "As much as you don't seem to like accepting compliments, you do enjoy the attention. You can play coy all you'd like, but that is quite obvious. Otherwise you would have stopped this long ago."

She shrugged, shifting in her seat to switch which leg was crossed over and which was crossed under. The compartment was quiet for a few moments before she closed her book and looked out the window. "Jesse suggested something interesting this morning. Well, he didn't really say it out loud, it was more implied."

"That does sound like him," Hanzo chuckled. "He likes to think he's being secretive, but he is so expressive it is hard not to see the underlying message."

She went quiet again, and when Hanzo turned to steal a glance, he found her watching him, honey-brown eyes giving away nothing. "I still need time to think about it, but I wanted to know what you think. After all, you are pivotal in this whole thing."

He paused, watching her and waiting for any sign of what she was thinking, but it seemed like she'd gotten better at hiding her thoughts. Letting out a little huff, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back. "Jesse has been smitten with you ever since you two met-"

"I know what Jesse thinks," she cut in, rolling her eyes. "He hasn't really done much to hide it. I want to know about you."

He raised an eyebrow, giving her a slightly disapproving look before he continued. "As I was saying, Jesse has been smitten with you ever since he met you, which is not something that happens often… I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about you, Hachi, but I don't quite know if it is in the same way Jesse does. As of now, I would not be comfortable if we started dating, I don't know you well enough for that." He swore he saw her deflate a bit and, for some reason, that stung him. "But, I won't say the same for Jesse. If you two want to go out, I won't stop you. I trust Jesse, and I trust you. Just as long as you don't break him."

He saw her perk a bit at that, watched the slow grin spread across her lips, touching her eyes. He had started to joke around a bit more around her, which was a surprise to him. He suspected it was something about her smile, like Jesse's it was often a lot more than just a smile. She hadn't done it a lot recently, and they had become increasingly rare during the past two weeks, so seeing it now made him… happy.

"I can promise I won't break him, but I can't promise he won't break himself," she said, looking down at the floor, bashful. It was almost as if she hadn't wanted to admit her attraction to Jesse, even though it was so painfully obvious.

Hanzo chuckled. "He won't break himself. Believe it or not, the one most prone to breakage out of the three of us is you, Hachi. You've got to learn to be careful, put to work those skills Rose taught you. You're small, you've got to stop trying to fight bigger than you are."

She leaned back, recrossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap. "I'm not so sure I'm actually any good at fighting," she admitted, frowning. "I'm certainly not strong enough."

"No, but you are sneaky. You can be very quiet when you want to be, sometimes you've even surprised me with those silent footsteps of yours. No, you aren't built for melee combat like Jesse, but you could be a good stealth operative. You've just got to learn how to fight dirty."

Her eyes widened and she looked over at him in surprise, a little smirk on her lips. "You surprise me, Hanzo. I half expected you to tell me to find some honourable way to fight."

"Hah. Well, honour isn't everything, Hachi." He shook his head, grinning slightly over at her before he looked back out the window. They still had at least an hour until they made it to the Knight's estate. "I learned that a some time ago."

The estate was as big as you remembered it being. You'd only been there a few times, Christmases, mostly. The Knights always had this wonderful Christmas party that was, admittedly, meant for business deals and keeping good relations with partnerships, but Mariam, Gibson's mother, had always made sure you and the triplets felt welcome as well. During those times, the estate had always felt so warm and full of life. Now, it was dark and loomed down at you, it's many windows watching you and judging, as if it had known what you'd done.

You tipped the cabbie, thanking him for his service, and turned to Hanzo as his little car puttered off. "Well, here we are," you murmured, fighting the urge to run your fingers over your scar. You shouldn't do that, not now, not here. "I think you'll like it here. It'll suit your sophisticated taste."

He smiled a bit, reaching over to lay his hand on your shoulder. "Deep breaths, Hachi," he said, giving it a soft squeeze. "You can do this."

Swallowing the lump that threatened to rise in your throat, you nodded and turned back to the estate. There was a flurry of motion from the family room windows and a few seconds later, two young girls, nearly fourteen, dressed in black lace dresses came scurrying out of the house. They held their skirts clutched in their hands as they ran, something entirely uncouth for the two, but you didn't care. You couldn't help but smile at the sight of them.

"Aunt Bri! Aunt Bri! I can't believe you've made it! You disappeared for ever so long! We were beginning to think you'd disappeared off the face of the earth!" one of them called, almost tackling you in a hug while the other hung back. The two girls looked almost nothing alike; one of them was tall and lanky, all elbows and angles, something she would grow into, her hair was a beautiful brown and she had hazel-green eyes that you knew all too well. It wasn't hard to see the familial resemblance. The other girl had darker skin and a fuller frame for her age, her black hair pulled back into a pretty braid that fell across her shoulder, her green eyes glittered with a keen wit as she beamed up at you.

You chuckled, wrapping your arms around the taller of the two. "Poppy, Lyra, how wonderful to see you two again!" you said, brushing back some of Poppy's wild brown hair. "I'm sorry I haven't kept in contact, these past few months have been a nightmare."

When Poppy pulled away, Lyra quickly took her place. Her hug was gentler, but it held more emotion. Lyra had always been exceptionally fond of you, she had wanted you and Gibson to get married. Not that it was that likely to happen, but she was always going on about how dearly she wished you were her sister as well.

"Who is your friend?" Lyra asked, folding her hands neatly in front of her as she looked curiously up at Hanzo. "Gibson never mentioned any boyfriends."

"What's with the new scar?" Poppy added, peering up at you in awe. "It looks bloody dangerous!"

You flushed and chuckled nervously, but you tried not to let it phase you. "You girls never waste any time with the questions do you? Poppy, Lyra, this is my…" You looked to Hanzo, unsure of how to describe your precarious relationship. It felt like an insult to call you friends, but he'd already stated he'd feel uncomfortable dating you on the train.

"Partner," he said, hand finding its way to the back of your neck where it gave a little squeeze, almost causing you to flinch. You hadn't realised how tense you were. "Shimada Hanzo. It is a pleasure to meet you."

Poppy cocked her head. "What do you mean by partner?"

Lyra giggled softly, giving her sister a light nudge. "That means he's a special friend," she whispered, causing Poppy to giggle too.

"Alright, alright, that's enough you two. Knowing you lot, you'll keep these two poor souls out here in the cold all day! Off with you now, git!" called a voice and a hardy young woman came hurrying down the path from the greenhouse. She waved her hands playfully at the two girls and they scurried off in a flurry of giggles, back into the warmth of the estate. "Well, if it isn't Miss Briallen Marsh, didn't expect you around here until Christmas time," she said, smiling widely up at you.

"It's lovely to see you as well, Nora," you chuckled, playing with your fingers. You remembered the gardener well, she was a cheerful woman, full of vim and vigour, ready to deck someone over a bush trimmed wrong, yet she always got along with everyone. You never knew how she did that.

"Oh, come off it, dear," she scoffed, pulling you into a warm hug as well. "It's bloody brilliant to see you. Wished you'd come around more often before. It's such a chore keeping those two busy, they're always terrorising my plants. Their au pair's trying to keep them out of the house as much as possible nowadays, says it helps with the grieving process." She grimaced a bit at that, shaking her head. "It might do them good, but not my poor gardens."

"Oh, Nora, don't look so grim. Your plants have always been like hydras, one broken stem always led to the growth of two new ones. I'm sure whatever damage my girls have done, your plants will flourish growing back from."

You peered over Nora's shoulder to see an older woman, somewhere in her late forties, walking down the path towards you.

Mariam gave you a small, sad smile as she approached. Her eyes were red, as if she'd been crying recently. That didn't surprise you, this was her son's funeral after all. "Hello, Briallen, dear," she said, taking your hands into hers and giving them a gentle squeeze. "It's so very nice to see you again. It's such a shame it had to be under such… circumstances." Her gaze drifted down to your cheek and she pursed her lips a bit. "I take it that was from the attack?" she asked, looking back up into your eyes.

You sighed, nodding. "Yes. I was lucky to get away with as few injuries as I did. I was lucky the ranger had gotten there when he did," you said, a lump forming in your throat as you said this. Mariam had been such a sweet woman, opening her arms and her home to you when you'd first met her, so down on your luck, you hated having to lie to her, hated being the reason her son wouldn't come home for the holidays. "I'm so-" the words caught in your throat and tears pooled in your eyes.

She nodded, patting the tops of your hands in understanding. "Thank you, Briallen. It means so much to me that you're here. I know you loved him as well." She reached up and patted your unscarred cheek, giving you a small smile before she turned to Hanzo. "Now, where are my manners. You must be the agent Mr. Morrison was so kind to send. It is very nice to meet you, Shimada-san. Won't you two please come in for a spot of tea? We have quite some time until the funeral truly starts."

You gaped, astonished, and nearly punched Hanzo for the stupid grin he gave you. "You know?!" you asked, your voice a loud stage-whisper.

There was amusement in Mariam's eyes as she smiled demurely up at you and nodded. "Darling, I've known for quite some time."