Draco could tell that everyone was doing their best not to glance at his plate. He ate slowly, for he wasn't even hungry but had promised Pansy that he'd try. One hand held his fork while the other was laced with Theo's under the table.
They chatted lightly, and Draco forced himself to contribute as much as he could to the conversation. Politeness would be the extent of his nature with Pansy and Blaise for some time. Until they proved with their actions they were sorry, Draco would stick to friendly pleasantries and keep his authenticity discreetly tucked away.
He finished everything he put on his plate.
"You did well," Theo told him quietly as they exited the Hall.
"I don't need praise for finishing a fucking meal."
Theo frowned. "I wasn't-"
"I'd really prefer it if we could just skip the charity, Theo."
"You aren't charity."
"Then why does it feel like I am?"
"Because you're not used to people noticing when you improve, are you?"
"I don't think I've had a reason to."
"Fair enough. But take it or leave it, you did well."
"Don't expect a thank you."
"Wasn't."
"Can I ask you something?" Theo's tone had grown more serious. Draco swallowed.
"Am I allowed to say no?" He tried at a jest.
"You're always allowed to say no. But, I'd really like to ask."
"Okay."
"Did you stop eating because of me?"
Draco's expression hardened.
"Because, I know I said some really awful things to you, but, like, if you were really struggling, then I don't want you to think I wouldn't have-"
"I wasn't going to come to you after what you said to me."
"I understand."
"You made me feel like I was worthless."
"I know." Theo toyed with his hair. And then, "You didn't answer the question, Draco."
"I'm not a fan of rhetorical questions."
Theo sighed.
"I'm also not a fan of the way you phrased the question. You make it sound like there was some sort of choice in the matter, that I consciously decided."
"Did you?"
"No."
"So your body just stopped giving you an appetite. Because of me." Theo looked like he was going to be sick.
"Because of all of it. Potter nearly finding out I'm gay, you, Pansy, Blaise. For Salazar's sake, Theo, no one listened to me."
"Why do you have a problem with Potter finding out if you're gay?"
Draco's heart thumped hard in his chest. "I-I dunno, it's just that's private information and he's not someone I particularly fancy. The idea of him knowing that about me doesn't sit right with me."
"I understand that. But, Draco, if you're proud of your sexuality, and I mean really proud, you wouldn't care who knows."
Draco didn't know how to explain to Theo that he wasn't sure he was proud, that even after years of knowing he wasn't straight he still felt the backends of shame. His father certainly wouldn't accept him; he had told him point-blank time and time again that he was to produce an heir, and anything less would not be acceptable. He felt that in his sexuality, he had somehow failed his family. It made him miserable. Things would certainly be easier for him if he were straight.
"It's not that I'm ashamed of myself. I just don't want the entire school knowing. Potter would talk."
"For how much you hate him, I dunno if the bloke's as bad as you think. I hear he's a really loyal mate and always has people's backs. If he somehow found out something that wasn't his business, I doubt he'd gossip about it."
"I don't hate him," he said, rather defensively.
"Do you?" Theo asked curiously. "Because every time you talk about him, you look like you wish he were dead."
Draco's mouth dropped open. "I don't wish that." He didn't think he could ever wish that about anybody, except maybe the Dark Lord. Who was dead.
"Okay," said Theo.
"I'm not ashamed of myself," Draco said again, unsure who he was trying to convince more.
Theo glanced at him skeptically. "I never said you were."
"I know you didn't. I'm just communicating that I'm not so that there's not any confusion."
"I appreciate that, but I feel like we're talking in circles. If you aren't ashamed of yourself, why is it such a big deal if Potter finds out? He's going to find out eventually, if we continue what we're doing."
It was a big deal because Potter would see him differently, and Draco didn't want that. He'd rather Potter see him as the villain he was than anything remotely real, remotely human. It was easier to keep him at a distance that way.
Draco relaxed his stance. "I suppose you're right."
Theo's face brightened.
"About?"
"Potter. If he finds out, he finds out. I care more about you." He smiled softly.
Theo brushed a hand affectionately across Draco's jaw, thumbing the skin.
"People can see," Draco murmured.
"I don't care." A step closer, and then, "Can I kiss you?"
Breath caught in his throat, Draco nodded. Theo gently placed his lips on top of his own, and waited several seconds before deepening the kiss. Draco responded eagerly, and placed a hand on Theo's waist to sturdy himself. Feeling bold, Draco squeezed his hip and pushed his tongue at Theo's lips, asking for entry. Theo granted his request, and moaned into his mouth as Draco swirled his tongue all around the inner expanse of Theo's mouth. Theo pulled back, letting go of Draco and immediately began kissing at the sensitive skin of his neck and Merlin, they were in public-
"Ah, Theo, n-not here."
"Thought you didn't care?" he murmured against his neck. He left one last kiss on Draco's juglar, and Draco shivered. Theo looked up at him, eyes pleading. "I want you."
Draco's grip on his waist tightened.
"We both have a free period, if you happen to recall," said Theo.
"I want you, too."
Draco looked at the sea of bodies surrounding them on either side, how even though they were in public right now it felt like they were in their own little world.
"And I believe there's a broom closet on the fifth floor that is calling our names."
"I have a better idea," said Draco, not believing he was about to do this.
"By all means, Draco, lead the way."
Draco took him up several flights of stairs, until they reached their destination. He knew the rules. He began thinking of what he needed from the Room of Hidden Things, over and over again.
"Where are we?" Theo asked, hooking an arm around Draco's waist and pulling him close.
"It's the Room of Hidden Things," Draco explained, breath catching from the discreet act of affection. "If it works the way it's supposed to, we'll open that door and see a bed."
"I'll let you do the honours."
Draco smiled at him, pecked his lips, then pulled open the door.
"Whoa." Theo was entranced, looking around the room that had a giant four-poster bed just waiting for them.
"How did you-"
"It's a secret. Not many people know about this room. I came up here a lot in sixth year trying to repair the Vanishing Cabinet, but I'd rather not talk about that. Puts a damper on the mood, don't you think?"
Theo frowned, and placed his hands on Draco's shoulders. "Don't ever think you're dampening the mood with me when you're getting something off your chest. Okay?"
Draco's heart swelled. He couldn't resist the small smile that formed on his lips.
"Okay."
He led Theo by the hand over to the bed, leaning back. They took one look at each other before it was all hands and tongue and teeth, Theo lifting Draco and all but throwing him down on the bed. Draco gasped. Theo's eyes darkened with lust.
Draco's lips never left his as he fumbled with his belt. Theo growled, shoving his pants down and grinding against Draco in his briefs. The friction was maddening, and at the first impact both boys moaned loudly.
It vaguely occurred to Draco that they hadn't put a label on their relationship yet, but in the present moment he couldn't bring himself to care. His mind was fogged over, and his insides screamed with want for the boy on top of him.
"Theo," he breathed, moan turning into a choked gasp when Theo palmed him through his trousers.
"Haven't even gotten my hands on you yet," Theo marveled. "What are you going to do then, hmm?"
"Ngh." Draco shakily worked with his belt, and Theo helped him slide his pants off. Before taking it any further, he leaned over Draco and captured his lips in another heated kiss. His hands grazed up and down Draco's sides, tickling him. Draco keened, arching his back, befuddled that Theo could reduce him to a melting, babbling mess so quickly. His touch was intoxicating as it was addicting.
Theo left a trail of kisses down his neck, and undid his first two buttons. As he kissed and licked the sensitive skin, he pinched Draco's nipples, hard. Draco yelped.
"Please, Theo."
"Please what?"
"Stop teasing."
"Teasing?" Theo's tongue trailed over the shell of Draco's ear, breath hot against him. "Who's teasing?"
Theo palmed Draco's semi through his briefs, reaching back and fondling with his balls. Draco arched into the touch, mewling. He couldn't even find it in himself to be embarrassed for making such noises.
A/N: I'm gonna have to stop it here, kids. As always, if you wanna read the explicit version it's up on my ao3. Username's bluemermaid54
"Come here." Draco lay down next to Theo, resting his head on his shoulder. Theo wrapped an arm around him, drawing patterns on his forearm. Draco relaxed into the touch.
"Draco?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you be my boyfriend?"
Draco's heart stopped. He froze in Theo's grip.
He felt Theo tense, but the other boy said nothing, patiently awaiting Draco's response.
Draco found his bearings and propped himself up on his elbow, gazing into Theo's eyes for any hint of insincerity. He found none.
"You're asking me now, after we've just had sex."
The warm gleam in Theo's eyes dissipated. "I thought it was . . . I mean I didn't think it was just sex, Draco-"
"But how am I supposed to know this is really you asking the question and not just your post-orgasm hormones?"
Theo frowned. "You really think that low of me?"
"No, I'm just-"
"You really think I'd only ask you something like that because of the sex?"
"I didn't know, that's why I was-"
"This means something more to me, Draco. I thought it meant something more to you, too."
"It does."
"Then does it matter when or how I pop the question?"
It did matter. Draco frowned, worrying his bottom lip, unsure how to answer the question but knowing that he needed to.
"I think it matters. And I don't think immediately after fucking is the time to ask."
Theo furrowed his eyebrows. "Is that a no, then?"
"I didn't say that."
"Merlin, Draco." Theo sighed. "I dunno what you want. Which is it?"
Draco sat up, removing himself from the other boy's hold. "Well, I certainly don't want to start a relationship if you're going to be cross with me."
"You're not making it very clear what you want. You say you want me, but do you, really?"
Draco's eyes widened. Theo's commentary hurt him, because he thought he had made it clear to the other man he wanted him. He wasn't the best at expressing his emotions on the best of days, and doing so to this capacity meant taking a step outside his comfort zone. It wasn't easy, though he mused for normal people it probably was supposed to be.
"I do want you, Theo. I just didn't expect you to ask me right now."
"Well, when were you expecting me to ask you then, Draco?" He sounded thoroughly cross now, and Draco wanted to disappear.
"I dunno, not right after we had sex?"
"Does it matter if we like each other?"
Yes, it mattered. But instead of responding Draco curled in on himself.
"Does it?" Theo pressed.
Draco moved off the bed, and reached down for his boxers and trousers.
"Draco, where are you going?"
"Out of here."
"Draco, please. Wait."
"No. You've made it perfectly clear you don't think I want you, so what use do I have sticking around?"
"Draco-"
"I-I should be going, anyway. Lots of homework to do."
Theo's expression softened. "Please stay. Let's talk about this."
Draco mutely shook his head. "N-Nothing to talk about," he choked out, hurriedly dressing. Theo looked dejected.
"Draco."
Draco shook his head no again. "Please, Theo, don't." He turned around and fled the room.
Harry tossed and turned in his bed like the sea, as the claws of his nightmare sank deep into him.
Heat. White hot fire lapping at his back, sweat pouring down his face. Air hotter than an oven. Flying on his broomstick with no end in sight, no door, just fire and fire and fire-
And then a scream for help. A blood curdling scream that he'd remember for the rest of his days as he went back to Draco Malfoy for help. He pulled Draco onto his broom, but the fire was stronger. Faster. They couldn't make it. The door slammed shut in their faces, as the flames wildly danced with glee and ate them alive, charring his skin from the inside out-
Harry shot up in his bed, breathing heavily. His forehead was coated with a thin sheath of sweat. This was the second time this week he'd had a nightmare involving Draco Malfoy, and he did not know what to make of it. He lay back down, but after an indefinite period of staring at the ceiling, he knew sleep would not come any time soon. He decided to rise out of bed and go to the common room. Maybe the fire would calm him down.
To his utter dismay, he wasn't alone. Somebody else occupied the seat directly in front of the fire.
He saw a mop of white-blonde hair, and instantly knew the culprit. Draco Malfoy.
He'd blame it on the late hours of the night, but curiosity propelled him to move forward towards the fire. Even though he'd told himself he would never help Malfoy again, every instinct screamed at him to move towards the fire. He cautiously approached the other boy, not wanting to startle him.
"Who's there?" Malfoy asked, sounding annoyed.
Harry stepped into his vision, standing over the boy.
"Potter?"
Harry nodded before sitting down in a chair across from Malfoy.
Harry studied Malfoy. He leaned back in his chair, and he was practically swimming in his pajamas. Harry wondered if his friends had made up with him yet.
"What's got you up this late?" Malfoy asked him.
"Nightmare," Harry answered honestly. Another tribute to the late hours of the night. His inhibitions were naturally lowered; he feared if he stayed too long, he'd end up telling Malfoy everything. Malfoy seemed like the kind of person who, beneath his cold exterior, was an admirably good listener.
"Me, too," was Malfoy's quiet response. Harry frowned.
"Really?"
"Yes."
No snark. That's when Harry knew something was wrong.
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Can I ask what it was about?"
Malfoy shuffled his feet.
"You don't have to say yes."
"It was about him."
Harry didn't need to ask.
"I see."
"What about yours?" asked Malfoy, clearly not wanting to elaborate.
Harry wanted to omit the detail of Malfoy being in the dream, but he knew that Malfoy was definitely clever enough to figure it out on his own.
"Fiendfyre."
"Fun stuff," Malfoy said sarcastically. "Look at us; two traumatized teenagers bonding over insomnia."
"I really wish I could sleep right now," Harry said. "But I know what'll happen when I do."
Malfoy frowned. "Have you ever considered seeing a Mind Healer? My mother keeps wanting me to, and I keep denying her."
Harry had. But the truth was, everything was still so fresh that he wasn't ready. Seeing a mind healer meant confronting what he'd done, and he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready for that.
"Why do you keep denying her?" he asked instead.
Malfoy wrung his hands together. "Because I'm not ready," he said simply.
Harry chuckled mirthlessly. "Well, that's a sight for sore eyes. Someone who'll readily recommend a Healer to someone else without wanting to see one for himself?"
Malfoy glowered. "It isn't that easy, Potter."
"I know."
They sat in a moment of silence that wasn't entirely uncomfortable. And then,
"How do we keep ending up like this? Talking to each other, like real people?" Malfoy asked.
Harry shrugged. "I dunno."
Malfoy frowned. "About earlier today, I-I'm . . . I'm sorry."
Harry's eyes widened in disbelief.
"What are you sorry for?" He already knew, but he wanted to hear Malfoy say it.
Malfoy looked as though he were about to retort, but held his tongue. Then he said, "You were trying to help me, and I was quite rude to you. I'm sorry."
Harry's expression softened. Vulnerability was written on Malfoy's face in the low light of the fire, and all traces of anger towards him for earlier today slowly disappeared.
"It's alright," Harry told him kindly. "I forgive you. You weren't in a good way."
"That's not an excuse."
"I know it's not. I'm just saying I understand where you were coming from. You were probably embarrassed I had to see you like that, so you pushed me away." Like you push everyone away.
Malfoy frowned. "I only want your forgiveness if it's sincere, Potter."
"And I only want your apology if it's sincere."
Malfoy nodded. "It is."
"Alright. Then, so is my forgiveness."
Malfoy's lips curled up in a small smile, which did things to Harry's heart. Malfoy truly was adorable when he smiled. Harry wished he would do it more often. "Thank you."
"For what? Forgiving you?"
"For today."
Harry shrugged noncommittally. "It was nothing." That was the furthest thing from the truth.
Malfoy's expression deflated a little, which was probably for the best. Harry didn't want to get too chummy, or give him any ideas that he definitely didn't hate him. Because for all he knew, Malfoy still hated him.
But would he have apologized if he still hated you?
Harry thought back to what Malfoy had said earlier today.
"I should tell you more things. About me. Makes me feel better."
That was when Harry realized, there was not a single bone in his body that hated Draco Malfoy. He wasn't sure he ever had.
"Right. Nothing. Just a common act of decency." Draco's mask had slipped back into place, and he toyed with his fingers. Harry felt guilty, but he nodded all the same. Talking to Malfoy was like playing with fire, and he did not want to get burned.
"Yes."
Malfoy's gaze averted to the floor. He almost looked sad, though maybe Harry was imagining it.
"Hey." The words were out before he could stop them. Malfoy looked up at him, expression hopeful.
"If you ever need to, erm, talk. About anything, you can come to me." For all Harry knew, Malfoy was friendless. That was his excuse. He didn't want a friendless person suffering alone.
Malfoy's eyes widened. "Really?" His voice was soft.
Harry nodded. "Mhm."
The corners of Malfoy's lips stretched up into a small smile. Harry's heart swelled with pride knowing that he'd put it there.
"Thank you."
Harry shrugged, feigning casual. "You're welcome."
"I made up with my friends. Sorta," said Malfoy, surprising Harry.
Harry lifted a brow. "Did you now?"
"They apologized to me."
Harry wondered if they apologized because they felt like they had to, or because they actually meant it. He didn't even know the issue, or who was at fault. All he knew was that their absence from Malfoy's life hurt him, deeply, and Malfoy didn't seem like the kind of person who fared well being alone.
"Did you forgive them?"
Malfoy took a second to answer. "I'm working on it."
"Oh, okay. That's good. Sometimes it takes time."
"It's weird not telling Pansy everything," said Malfoy. "Sweet Merlin, I'm tired. That's the only reason I'm telling you any of this, Potter."
Harry chuckled. "Well, maybe you should get some rest. It's late."
"If only it were that easy," Malfoy mused.
Harry nodded. "If only. Well, I'm going to try to get back to sleep now. You
coming?"
Malfoy shook his head. "Don't wait up."
Harry sighed, but Malfoy's decision to sleep or not sleep was none of his business,
so without another word he stood up from the chair and yawned. He bid Malfoy goodnight and returned to the dormitories.
Sleep eventually came, but it was light and fretful and consisted of more dreams of Harry reaching down to save Malfoy's life.