Lily didn't normally stay at the infirmary so late. Tonight, she needed the distraction.
Usually, someone else spent the night in the infirmary, although they had been instructed to fetch Lily if anyone took a turn for the worst. Lily wasn't sure why, considering there was nothing she could do but try to make them more comfortable as they struggled to survive; even in her own time, there was no cure for dragon pox.
Her nerves were particularly frayed today. Anne had fetched her in the early hours of the morning to help an elderly witch, who had died shortly after Lily arrived. And now James was off fighting, and she was stuck here.
She needed something to do, but her patients all appeared to be sleeping, and her supply of potions was well-stocked by now. The sounds of laboured breathing filled the room in a morbid sort of chorus, and listening to it was affecting Lily too, because she was finding it hard to breathe as well.
And it wasn't just the situation that was bothering her. She was burnt out. She was tired of watching people die while she couldn't do anything. She was scared that something would happen to James. But she was also angry to be left behind. Duncan had tried to frame it as her being too "valuable" to risk in a fight, but what sort of nonsense was that? He really thought her life was inherently more valuable just because she knew how to make a few potions that did next to nothing for these sick people?
Lily couldn't help but feel like this was a criticism of her capabilities. Having never even seen her duel, Duncan had assumed that her only value was as a potioneer. Lily hadn't forgotten her conversation with Graham, when he'd told her she was only good at potions because it was "less magical." Did Duncan feel the same way, even as he fought against Severus Prince and his cause? Did he just assume that she couldn't duel well, because she was muggleborn?
Mostly, Lily felt stupid. She thought she could fight? She thought that she deserved the chance to fight for what she believed in? No, she was the potions witch, and that was all she would ever be.
Part of her wanted to cry, and another wanted to hit something hard. She felt as though she would suffocate if she stayed in this room a second longer. She couldn't abandon the room entirely, but surely she could just sit in the hall for a while, if she kept the door open?
She slipped out the door, almost tripping over a man crouched outside of it. He straightened rapidly.
"Brian," she said. "What are you…"
She took in what he had left at his feet. It was a small bouquet of red roses. There was a tag attached with one word on it: Cait.
"I suppose you think I'm a terrible person," he said, breaking the long silence that had fallen between them.
Lily considered him. "I think Cait's missed you. She's been wondering where you've been. Lots of people have been sending her notes. She's noticed that you haven't. Can I tell her these are from you?"
"No," he said quickly. "No, my father wouldn't like that, and I… I wouldn't want to give her the wrong impression." Lily began to speak, but he cut her off. "Is she alright? She's doing better?"
"Much better. She'll be able to go back to her own room by tomorrow, I'd guess."
"Good." He shifted awkwardly. "I've been worried sick, to tell you the truth."
Lily hesitated. "I think that if you've decided you're marrying someone else, you should stay away. Cait doesn't need-"
"Decided?" he laughed hollowly. "When do I decide anything in this castle? My father decides it all. We're all just puppets to his whims."
Lily shared his bitterness on this point, but she bit her tongue.
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," Lily said.
The inside of the infirmary seemed far more appealing after this uncomfortable conversation, and so Lily said a quiet "good night" and turned to go inside.
"Wait, Lily… please give her the flowers?"
Lily accepted the small bouquet. As soon as she heard Brian's footsteps retreat, she murmured "incendio" and watched the roses burn down to ash.
"Lily?"
She jumped at the sound of Cait's voice.
"Are you okay?" she asked, moving to crouch at her bedside.
"Why were you burning flowers?" Cait asked, her voice slightly hoarse.
"James knows I hate roses," Lily said. "He can try again tomorrow."
Cait huffed out a laugh. "You burned his flowers? Lily, for such a sweet witch, you can be delectably evil sometimes. And you should have given them to me. I love roses."
She sounded a bit wistful, and all at once, Lily's lie seemed to take on a new weight. She reminded herself that it was for Cait's own good, but it was hard to believe it when Cait seemed so sad.
Lily said a quiet spell, and a new bouquet of roses grew, this time yellow.
"There. Now you have some," Lily said.
Cait smiled a small smile. "Thanks, Lily."
The muggleborns were supposed to arrive in the woods, just a few kilometres north of the castle. The group that went to meet them was relatively small: five witches and wizards, as well as James and Sirius. James knew none of the five, except by sight, but they all seemed friendly.
"Congratulations on your marriage," one of the wizards told him when they met. He was a man whose true age was masked by the breadth of his impressive moustache. "I hope all is going well?"
James blushed and stammered out something not particularly coherent, and the wizard grinned widely in response.
Because it was a location James and Sirius had never been to before, they flew in on broomsticks. Initially, James was excited, because he had missed being on a broomstick. He quickly lost his excitement as he discovered the brooms were slow and not very maneuverable. Broom technology, it seemed, had a long way to go.
They wore black masks that covered the top half of their faces, in case of an ambush. Unfortunately, these masks were not designed with glasses in mind. Sirius took one look at James and doubled over with laughter.
"You look ridiculous."
"Oh, shut up. It's either this, or not being able to see."
James couldn't see himself, but he knew Sirius was right. Glasses over a mask were probably not his best look, and he was suddenly very glad that Lily wasn't along to see this.
When James first landed in the meeting spot, he was filled with adrenaline; this faded as the minutes passed and there was no sign of anyone at all, friend or foe. He was just started to get truly bored when everything went to hell.
There was the sound of someone apparating nearby, followed by more sounds as a dozen wizards and witches appeared. The wizard with the moustache swore. James deflected a curse, and as he ducked another, the portkey arrived. Four adults and two children arrived into the chaos, the children screaming.
The moustached wizard grabbed each child and apparated. The plan had been to get the muggleborns and escape back to the castle; James and Sirius worked to hold off the attack as one by one, their allies disapparated with the muggleborns. Finally, James shared a nod with Sirius, and they prepared to disapparate.
"Accio mask!" a wizard shouted.
James cried out as his mask flew off of his face, taking his glasses with it.
"Accio glasses!" James shouted.
They flew into his hand, and he disapparated, but with the sinking feeling that the damage had already been done.
After sprinting up a flight of stairs, James discovered that Lily was not in their room. He also discovered that he'd gotten into rather bad shape since travelling back in time, because running through the castle had thoroughly winded him; he couldn't seem to get a deep breath.
He found Lily sitting outside of the infirmary, leaned back against the stone wall. When she saw him and Sirius, she stood, her relief obvious. She ran to James and hugged him tightly, and he had a moment of mingled happiness and disbelief. This was his life now: Lily Evans actually wanted to touch him. He didn't think he would ever stop being amazed by that.
With some difficulty, James forced himself to pull away from her embrace. "We need to leave."
Her relief quickly turned to alarm. "What happened?"
"We were attacked, and the attackers saw my face. We were wearing masks, but someone summoned mine, and…"
He hesitated.
"And?" Lily prompted.
"And I'm quite certain that the person who summoned it was Severus Prince. I recognized his voice. I know Duncan said that Severus Prince wouldn't dare search his castle, but now that he has a valid reason to…"
Lily let out a breath. "Okay. We have to tell Duncan. Brian and Cait were there when you rescued me from Hogwarts; surely Severus Prince knows we're staying at the Ferguson castle by now. He'll come to arrest you, and that will put the muggleborns at risk."
"Surely he can hide us if Severus Prince does come," Sirius said. "If we leave, where will we go?"
"To recruit witches and wizards for our cause," James said immediately. "Duncan and I talked about this. We'll travel around-"
"Or, here's an idea," Sirius said heatedly. "We go back to the stones and try to go home."
"We may not be able to," James said, turning to look at Sirius. "We need to talk to that witch Cait told us about… someone Malfoy…"
He trailed off. Lily was looking at him with wide eyes.
"What?" he asked.
"Turn your head again," she said, her voice quiet but commanding.
Nervously, James did as she asked. Lily moved close, brushing her fingers lightly over the skin of his neck, then pulling the collar of his shirt lower.
"Lily, what…"
Her eyes had filled with tears. "Spots," she whispered.
James had imagined this moment multiple times over since his parents died. Getting dragon pox had become one of his worst nightmares, and just the thought of it had filled him with panic. Now, faced with this nightmare becoming reality, he felt oddly detached. He rolled up his sleeve and looked at the angry red spots on his arm with a sort of distant interest.
"That settles it," Sirius said, his voice suddenly hard. "We can't leave, and we won't tell Duncan anything."
"We have to," Lily said shakily. "It wouldn't be right to keep this from him, not when it would put other people at risk."
"James is at risk. Don't you get that?" Sirius raised his voice. "It's not enough that you caused him to get dragon pox, making him help you in the infirmary?"
Lily recoiled.
"Sirius, stop," James said. "It's not Lily's fault."
"I'll talk to Duncan," Lily said. "He's a nice man. I'm sure he'll let us stay. He's probably thought of some plan for a situation like this."
Sirius scoffed. "Sure. Well, if anything happens to James, I hope you can sleep at night."
Although James knew very well that dying was a possibility with dragon pox, he hadn't really considered his own death until Sirius implied it. Once again, all he could think about was his parents dying, their breaths stuttering into silence in their lonely hospital room.
"I don't want to go to the infirmary," James said quickly, cutting off Lily's angry retort. "I don't care whether we stay in the castle or leave, but please, I don't want to go into the infirmary. I can't."
Lily's anger immediately evaporated. "Yes. We'll stay in our room."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "No, we won't. We'll stay in some godforsaken patch of forest, because we'll be turned away."
"I'll meet you there," Lily said, ignoring Sirius entirely. "I'm going to talk to Duncan."
She kissed James on the cheek and hurried away, leaving James and Sirius alone.
Looking after Lily with a scowl, Sirius opened his mouth.
"Don't say anything bad about Lily," James said shortly.
Sirius closed his mouth.
"Are you doing okay?" Sirius asked after a moment.
No, James thought.
"Oh, sure," he said, trying to sound casual.
Sirius raised his eyebrows.
"I'm just tired," James lied. "It's been a long day."
Sirius threw an arm around his shoulder, a bit of a stretch, since James was taller than him.
"Let's get you to bed, Prongs."
They made their way through the halls to James's room. Sirius walked in with him, closing the door behind them.
"Are you going to tuck me in?" James tried to joke.
"Do you want me to?"
James let out a half-hearted laugh.
"I'll just stay until Lily gets back. If you want me to."
"Sure," James said, secretly relieved. He didn't want to be alone right now.
He collapsed on his bed. "I just hope I don't give it to Lily," he said.
Sirius didn't respond.