16. The First Job: A Trip to the Market

(Savato93's AN: Starting this chapter, The Outsider will be using a new chapter format. No more X's or ellipses if I can help it.)

(My AN: There's a certain sentence that will tip you about the home state of Luke/Lucy in this chapter. The answer will be revealed at the afterword AN.)

Disclaimer: Touhou is the property of Team Shanghai Alice/ZUN.

I stumbled over my feet rushing to the SDM antechamber, silently cursing the maid slippers I'd been given to wear. I typically walk on my toes, wearing shoes and sandals with higher heels to compensate. The soles on these slippers were entirely flat, and this wrought hell with my balance.

Just as I arrived at my destination, gravity finally took its toll and I fell forward, landing flat on my face. "I'm here, I'm he- OUF." …Alright. Note to self, landing on your tits HURTS.

Groaning, I looked up to Remilia, sitting in her throne with a half amused, half annoyed expression. "Quite an entrance there, girl. But next time, try your best to look good, would you?"

Sakuya, standing beside her master, gave a light chuckle. "Mistress, you don't seriously expect her to compete with me, the perfect and elegant maid, do you?"

"Of course not. It's just that having a clumsy maid would make me look bad."

As the two made their banter, I picked myself up from the floor. Clearing my throat, I got their attention. "It's these slippers; they're throwing off my damn balance. I could use about another inch on the heels."

"Oh, so that's what it is?" Sakuya vanished from Remilia's side. A second later she materialized right in front of me, holding a new pair of shoes. "Here you go."

Putting on the slippers, I was very pleased to find that my legs were no longer shaking. "Thank you, Sakuya. That's much better."

"If you're ready, child," Remilia said, "Come to me." I stepped forward, facing her head-on.

"Alright… Mistress…" I grudgingly addressed Remilia. I kept my head down and my hands clasped behind my back. "I'm here, all dressed up like you want me. What would you like me to do?"

Remilia bared her fangs in a crooked grin, seemingly taking amusement from my discomfort. "I believe you'll find this job to be very easy, since I'll be sending Sakuya with you. The two of you will be heading to the village to pick up some items at the market."

A grocery trip? I thought to myself. Rather cliché, but hey, it's not a suicide mission. "Sounds simple," I said, not looking up.

"Good. You'll be leaving right away." At this, I looked up and cocked an eyebrow, frowning. "You may be thinking, 'what, no time for breakfast?' Well, you're making this trip for a reason. Do this task without screwing anything up, and you'll return to a delightful meal back here. Do you understand?"

So, I was effectively going out to buy my own food. Not that I worried much about it—I don't have a morning appetite anyway. Whatever. I nodded. "Alright."

"Great!" Remilia glanced to Sakuya. "Keep an eye on the girl." Without waiting for a response, Remilia moved away from her throne and disappeared into the depths of the mansion.

"As you wish." Sakuya bowed to Remilia and turned to me. "Let's not waste any time."

I made to follow, but I suddenly remembered something. "Wait a minute. How cold is it outside?"

Sakuya stopped at the front door and looked back. "…Oh, that's right. You can't handle cold."

"Is there anything around here that I could use to keep myself warm? Like a coat?"

Sakuya thought for a moment. "…Patchouli wears coats regularly. You could ask her for one."

I lightly tapped my knuckles on the door of the Voile. After a few seconds, a certain little devil poked her head through the door. "Yes?"

"I'd like to speak with Patchouli. Is she available?"

"Yes, she should be." Koakuma pulled the door open wider. "I'll take you to her."

I looked back to Sakuya, who waved me off. "I'll wait here. You go ahead and talk with Patchy." Nodding, I followed Koakuma into the Voile.

As we took some twists and turns through the maze of bookshelves, I asked the devil why we weren't going to the same place as before. Koakuma simply said Patchouli had moved to another spot in the library overnight.

Finally, we arrived at our destination, where Patchouli was stretched out on a sofa, an open book in hand… disciplining Koakuma. What? But she's beside… I looked to my right, and found that Koakuma was still beside me. My gaze rapidly shifted between the two girls, and the only thing that was going through my head at the moment was …what the fuck?

By this point Patchouli had noticed my arrival and looked to me expectantly. I pointed to the two identical succubae simultaneously, jaw slack.

Patchouli chuckled. "What? You thought I ran this entire library with only one servant? My little devil is good, but she's not good enough to handle my sentient archives all by herself. As such, I have many devils under my command; they all go by the name of Koakuma."

I turned to the Koakuma standing, or rather, floating beside me. "Just how many of you are there?"

The girl absently chewed on her nails, thinking. "…on our last census, I'd estimate… around fifty-seven of us?" This Koakuma looked to the other Koakuma, who nodded. "Yes, fifty-seven Koakuma, give or take a couple."

I then turned to the Koakuma at Patchouli's side. "But how can anybody tell you apart from one another?"

"Koa?" The succubus at Patchy's side mewled. "Koa, koa-koa, ko koa ka." Uh… what?

Patchouli snapped her fingers, getting the unintelligible Koakuma's attention. "Now, now, Koa. Go do what I asked, and remember what I said about antagonizing the fairies."

"Koaa…" The Koakuma, supposedly labeled simply as 'Koa', drifted away with a disappointed whimper.

"Now," Patchouli looked back to me. "What is Remilia having you doing that warrants a visit to my library?" A pause, and then, "By the way, a maid outfit suits you."

"The compliment is appreciated, but before I say anything, can you promise to explain this Koakuma business to me the next time we have an opportunity?"

Patchouli yawned. "…I can do that. So, what does Remilia want you to do?"

I ran a hand through my hair, adjusting the maid headdress. "She wants me to go with Sakuya to the village to help buy groceries. I need something to keep me from suffering hypothermia in the winter air, and Sakuya said you have some coats lying around. Would it be okay if I borrowed one?"

The sorceress stared at me. Her stare was nothing like Remilia's; where Remilia's eyes were sharp and hungry-looking, Patchouli's were rather glazed over and disinterested, with a sort of simple charm to them. Finally, she spoke. "Tell me this, Lucy: do you need a coat, or do you simply want a coat?"

I blinked. "…I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you're asking me."

"What I'm asking is if you absolutely need the warmth of a coat to survive beyond the walls of this mansion, or if you simply want me to give you a coat so you can feel confident about going outside."

After a few seconds of though, I threw my hands in the air. "…Okay, I admit. I don't know. But, it couldn't hurt to have some insurance, could it?"

"Yes, actually, it could." The book in Patchouli's hand slammed shut. "And in many different ways. Wearing my coat implies familiarity. Displays of affection, favoritism. Implies weakness through attacking close ones. Which is most definitely not the case with you and me. Also, not that cold outside. To wear a coat anyway says you suffer discomfort in winter. Easy enough for youkai to tear off coat, expose you to cold, cripple you. Then—"

I held up my hands. "…Alright, I get it. It would backfire on both of us."

"It's more than just that. It's also about learning your limits. How will you ever know just how far you can go before your body tells you to stop? By throwing yourself in a freezer and lowering the heat until you drop dead of hypothermia? Simulations just aren't enough; you need to experience it for real." Patchouli shook her head. "I'm sorry, Lucy, but my answer is no."

"I understand." My gaze dropped to the floor as I nodded. "Well, I'm sorry for disrupting your… whatever you're doing." I turned away. "This has certainly been a waste of time for all involved…"

A sigh from behind me. "Not necessarily."

Turning back to Patchouli, I noticed another Koakuma had appeared at her side, carrying a bag and something wrapped in lavender cloth. "I worked all night with help from Yakumo's shikigami to have this ready for you by now. Do your best to take care of it, would you?"

Ran was here…? Ah, never mind. I wouldn't have noticed anyway, being dead asleep. The newcomer Koakuma held out the items. I cautiously stepped forward and accepted them from the bat-winged girl. "…Thanks."

"Koa~" Koa chirped happily and floated away. I set aside the bag (which was surprisingly heavy) and peeled the cloth away… to reveal one of the most beautiful pieces of firepower I'd ever seen with my own eyes.

The Remington Model 870 in my arms gave off a lustrous gleam, looking as if it had come straight from the assembly line. The body of the shotgun was painted a deep crimson, with a number of runic characters engraved into the barrel. It was certainly heavy, being made pretty much entirely of metal, but it was balanced; it just felt right in my hands. I couldn't wait to see this thing in action… "Alright… does this thing come with instructions?"

Patchouli spent a few minutes explaining her changes to the basic design, and revealing one of her 'crystal shells' that fired danmaku instead of buckshot. She demonstrated that a single shell had higher energy and velocity than normal danmaku bolts, blowing a near-foot-wide crater in the ceiling a hundred feet above.

I was silent for a moment after Patchouli finished speaking. "I don't know how I'm going to make this up to you, Miss Patchouli. But trust me, I'll try."

"I look forward to it. Now, get out of here. You've got work to do." Patchouli hobbled back to the sofa. Giggling, Koa took me by the arm and led me out. All the way, she jittered on and on in her weird, Pokémon-like language. Despite my protesting that I couldn't even understand her, she just giggled and went on talking until we reached the exit. At that point, she waved goodbye with a bubbly smile and drifted away.

I stepped out of the library, where Sakuya stood waiting. "She said no?"

"Pretty much. But she did give me this."

The head maid took one look at the shotgun in my arms and whistled. "I have to say, when Patchy puts her mind to something, she never fails to disappoint. But what's in the bag?" I moved to check the bag myself. "You know what, we've wasted too much time. Let's get going."

We made our way back to the antechamber, stopping by my room to drop off the sack on the way. As we approached the front door, Sakuya turned back to me. "Are you sure you still want to do this? If you black out again, I might not be able to get you somewhere to recover in time."

I stepped in front of Sakuya and grabbed the doorknob. "Patchouli says I have to do it, to know just how much it takes to break me. I can only hurt myself in the long run by refusing. Now, let's just get this over with."

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and stepped out.

Instantly, the cold air tore into my skin. I rapidly lost feeling all over my body, and it was only through sheer willpower that I managed to remain standing, let alone cling to consciousness. Standing, however, caused my legs to lock up, rooting me on the spot.

Sakuya held me upright by the shoulder, noticing that I was teetering back and forth. "Are you alright?"

I tried to respond, but chattering teeth and rapidly-failing strength caused my words to drift off. "Th-this may h-have… m-may have b-been…" I fought back the blackness creeping in the corners of my vision, and stared at my hands. Come on, damn it… you can do this. This cold is nothing compared to the shit from back home. Just flex your fingers… I tried to move my digits, but the nerves just didn't seem to be firing. Straining myself, I focused everything I had to make my fingers move. Finally, just as I was feeling ready to give up, my nerves woke up, and my hands slowly tightened into fists.

"I take that as a yes?" Sakuya's muffled voice sounded like it was coming from far off, although she was standing right next to me. "Look, if it's absolutely necessary, you can stay here, and I'll try to convince Mistress to assign you a different task…"

My hand jerked up into the air, interrupting Sakuya. "N-n-no… let's just h-hurry…" I mumbled through chattering teeth. My entire body was practically vibrating, trying to keep itself warm in the face of the cold that Lunarians just can't stand, even though I couldn't feel anything. Come on, girl, you can't let Eirin's fuck-up bring you down. Just keep moving. If you stand still, you're dead. My legs were no longer locked up, allowing me to step forward. The single step sent a wave of exhaustion through my body, but I persevered, and soon enough I could put one foot in front of the other.

With that, we set off for the village, Sakuya kindly keeping pace with my slow, careful steps.

Time passed quickly on the dirt trail. As we went on, the numbness in my body slowly faded away… opening up an entirely new can of worms now that I could actually feel the cold again. Regressing to my younger years, I tucked my arms and head into my uniform, staring through the fabric and using Sakuya's silhouette as a guide to make sure I didn't get lost.

"Please compose yourself, Lucy," Sakuya said. "You'll make me look like an idiot in front of the villagers."

"I d-don't care."

"Miss Izayoi." Oh, crap. I know that voice. Keine. "Who's the derp?"

As one, my arms and head popped out. "She's the SDM's newest employee," Sakuya explained. "She has a severe weakness to cold…"

"I get it." Keine absently fiddled with her bento hat. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"Picking up some things for the SDM, of course. Lucy here, though—" Sakuya gestured to me, where I was shivering violently, "Is doing the job herself. I'm merely supervising."

Keine glanced to me, eyebrows raised. "Lucy? …Oh, yes, I thought your posture seemed familiar. Never thought you to be the maid type…"

"It's th-the p-price I have t-to pay to h-have a roof over m-my head at night…" I stuttered as I pulled my hair out of the uniform.

"Hmm." Keine turned around and cracked open the village gate. "You're free to come in. Take your time, but I'd prefer it if you settle your business and be on your way by the time the sun begins to make its descent in the sky. The feral youkai start to get a little antsy by that time of day."

"We'll try not to be a bother," Sakuya gripped my quivering shoulder and led me into the village.

Once we were through the gate, I started to feel a little warmer. All of the blazing fires and… chugging steam generators?... raised the ambient temperature throughout the village significantly. Finally, I could stop shivering and walk around normally. "Okay, first thing's first, Lucy. You head on to the produce market, pick up the items on this list." Sakuya handed me a strip of paper and a small sack. "Here's the money to pay for everything. If you find there's money left after we're done, you can have it."

"Okay…" I glanced down at the list… and frowned. "Aw, hell. I never learned these words." Sakuya promptly took back the list and scribbled furiously on the back using a pen she pulled out of nowhere. When she returned it, there was a new listing written in neat, Middle-Age English font. "Okay, that's much better. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, get a move on."

I nodded and walked away. Alright, the produce market shouldn't be too difficult to find. Just need to watch for the fruit stands. Sure enough, I found my way to the produce after only a minute of wandering. As I strolled through the market, the natives eyed me warily. I tried to make friendly gestures, like a wave of the hand in greeting, or the occasional nod of the head, but that just seemed to scare them more. A ten-foot-wide invisible circle rapidly formed around me, a circle in which no villager would dare to step near me.

As I approached the stand that sold the first item on the list—a melon of some sort—the vendor visibly stiffened. "Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"…You are a pawn of the man-eating child." The vendor's voice was low and grumbling. Almost like a growl. "You do not belong here."

I shifted backward a little. "I don't mean anybody harm. I just want to buy some things, and I'll be on my way." I took my coin sack and pulled out a handful of Yen coins.

The vendor flinched as I offered the coins to him, but after a moment he hesitantly reached out and took one of the coins. He examined the coin diligently, checking the texture, pulling out a coin of his own for comparison, and biting the coin (seriously, why do people do that?). Finally, he set the coin down on the counter and slid it back to me. "Your money… is acceptable," He mumbled. "Go on."

I uttered a silent thanks and examined the melons on the stand. I took three of the melons I found to be of good quality, and paid his price. To show my appreciation for him tolerating me, I gave him a few more coins, and was silently comforted to see his rigid features soften just a bit.

The vendor was silent as I gave a bow and walked away, a bag of melons in hand. "So much for getting any leftover cash for myself," I said to myself. "But I'd rather have the people accept me than line my pockets."

At that moment, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I could hear a flutter of wings, light footsteps, and the sound of somebody scribbling on a piece of paper.

Taking a deep breath, I turned to face my pursuer. "Is there something you need from me?"

Short black hair, a matching pair of wings, pointed ears, and stilt-like sandals… as I thought, I'd been tailed by Aya Shameimaru. She wore her standard attire of a white button-up shirt, a black miniskirt with white trim, and a tokin hat. Seeing as it was winter, she also had a bright yellow scarf wrapped around her neck.

The tengu was taken aback by my sudden acknowledgement of her presence, but she quickly composed herself. "Oh, hi. My name is Aya Shameimaru. I'm the head reporter of the Bunbunmaru News. If I could have a minute of your time to ask you some questions…"

I folded my arms. "Bunbunmaru? You mean that crappy tabloid that takes the smallest of stories and twists them into outrageous fairy-tales?"

"Allow me to answer your question with another question: since we're in Gensokyo, the 'land of illusion,' isn't every story told here a fairy-tale?"

"Touché."

"Indeed." The tengu gave a bow. "Now, I just happened to be in town today, selling my papers… when I noticed you."

I flinched. Oh, god. She knows. How the FUCK does she know!? "Is that so?" I kept my expression calm, while the gears in my head started grinding frantically, searching for a means by which I could get the hell away from Aya.

"Yes. Very few people have ever wandered through the village dressed the way you are right now." Aya's hand shot out and grabbed at my clothing. "The uniform's design, the color… this is a genuine Scarlet maid uniform! That makes you the first human Scarlet maid in ten years!"

Instantly, the gears came to a screeching halt. My response was a single word: "What."

"To think," Aya continued, "that I would have a chance to speak with a human maid! The very fact that you're walking among the villagers is a miracle. I wonder if you'll manage not to get murdered too quickly…"

I twitched. "You're not making me feel very comfortable, saying things like that."

"What? Oh, sorry. It's just that, in the rare instance human women choose to serve Remilia Scarlet, they end up getting killed very shortly thereafter, either by screwing up, disrespecting Remilia herself, or stumbling into Flandre. And in all cases, I never get the opportunity to interview them."

The second and third causes of death made sense, but that first one seemed to imply over-reaction on Remilia's part… scratch that, me looking bad makes her look bad. She'd definitely kill me for tarnishing her reputation. "So, you're saying it's an achievement for me to be standing here right now?"

"Which makes it all the more important that you allow me to interview you. So, if you can, could you answer my questions?"

I thought for a moment. "…Well…" Finally, I sighed and nodded. "I guess I can take some time to entertain you."

"Great!" Aya guided us to an unoccupied table in the market and we took a seat. Aya pulled out her notepad and a pen. "First question…"

...Girls are conversing…

"…And that should be enough for my next article," Aya concluded cheerfully as she closed op her notepad, now filled with notes of one sort or another. "Thanks for taking the time to sit through my questions."

"No problem." I nodded. "Although, I'd appreciate it if you kept some things confidential. Things that could hurt me if people knew about them." I leaned in and whispered some things into Aya's ear.

The tengu nodded. "I'll see what I can do to trim out personal information. And while we're at it…" Aya fished through her bag and pulled out a roll of paper. "How would you like a copy of this week's edition of Bunbunmaru News? Only 500 yen."

I shook my head. "I'm sorry, but I don't have any money."

"But that coin pouch…" Aya pointed to the small sack at my hip.

"Grocery money. I'm here running errands for the Scarlet Devil Mansion."

"Ah. I see." Aya stood up from her chair. "Well, I won't bother you any longer. Have a nice day, and good luck with your new job!"

As the tengu walked away, I sat at the table for a little while longer. Well, that was certainly strange… but I'm not complaining. My cover is safe... for now. It took a hell of a lot of effort to fabricate a convincing story to satisfy her relentless questioning, and as such I hoped I would never have to do it again.

"You're certainly taking your sweet time getting things done." Sakuya rounded the table and sat in the chair where Aya had been only moments ago. She seemed agitated.

"Sorry. I was being interviewed by Aya—who, I might add, is quite a bit nicer than I thought. Fortunately, I convinced her that I'm not Yukari's pet."

Sakuya arched a brow. "How did you manage that?"

"All of the assumptions she had of me were from information she gathered just after Luke vanished from the public eye…" I patted my large chest. "…back when I didn't have these. Plus, I have a near-perpetual poker face. I can lie and bluff relatively well, if I ever need to."

The head maid chuckled. "An unreliable reporter working with outdated information. Makes sense that she would make that kind of screw-up—"

A flash interrupted Sakuya and surprised both of us. We glanced to the direction from which the flash originated, and were met with Aya, who had returned holding her camera. "Sorry for intruding again, but I wanted to get a good picture of you. I figured that a photo of you with your head maid and supervisor would be better than a standalone, so I hung around for a little bit. Now, I'll be on my way for real." With a wave of her hand, and a flutter of wings, Aya took off.

As Aya left, I slowly turned back to Sakuya. "You think she overheard us?" I asked with a hint of panic in my voice.

"As much as I'd hate to think of it… she probably did. Those pointed ears aren't just for decoration."

My tranquil demeanor snapped like a twig. "Fuck!" I howled, slipping back into English in my infuriation. "If she exposes me to the villagers, I'm going to wring her fucking neck!"

"No need to be so upset. She only got a small bit of information, and it will take time for her to piece together the truth. For the moment, though, there's nothing we can do about it." Sakuya stood up. "In the meantime, let's just get back to the task at hand." I was still upset, but I nodded, and together we walked back into the market.

Once out of the maids' direct line of sight, Aya doubled back and returned to the market. She watched from the branches of an apple tree as the two maids walked off. "Quick to anger, that one…"

'Yukari's pet.' That was a label given to one of two kinds of people. The most common use is when somebody references Yukari's own shikigami. This girl, though, was obviously neither a kitsune nor a nekomata, so that left her with option two:

"I've found my outsider."

…Is what I would probably be saying right about now, if I didn't know for a fact that the outsider is male. If this girl is also an outsider, though… something strange is going on.

She recalled all the information she had on the outsider up to this point (which hadn't been much—Aya admitted she had somewhat low standards for information, but what she'd gathered was simply too vague to use in an article) and ran a comparison with the girl:

The outsider as first seen four days ago had had dirty chestnut hair and blue eyes; so, too did the girl.

The outsider had also been described as having a wide and loping gait, yet his arms didn't swing in tandem with the motion; they simply hung loosely at his sides, with his hands tightened into fists. Aya double-checked the girl. Okay… yep. Big steps, fists held firmly at her hips. The puzzle's starting to come together… I think.

Finally, the outsider had been reported to be naturally expressionless, not really showing any sort of outward emotion. Throughout the interview, the girl had seemed to be forcing her facial expressions, as if she had difficulty in actually expressing emotions. The two seemed to fit.

Outsider arrives, walks into the Lunarian clinic, and vanishes; three days later this girl surfaces with the same eyes, same hair, same behavioral characteristics. And the way she flinched when I started asking her questions about her whereabouts seemed to indicate she had something she wanted kept secret. The outsider has to be connected to this girl somehow.

But that simply wasn't enough information for Aya to work with. If they were related, how so? Were they siblings? A parent-and-child couple? And what exactly had happened to the outsider when he went into the clinic four days ago?

Then a light bulb went off in Aya's head and she facepalmed. I'm an idiot. Tearing the strip of paper off her notepad and discarding it, the tengu dropped down from the tree and made a beeline for the village clinic.

It was time to stop beating around the bush and just go straight to the scene of the crime.

(Savato93's AN: Sorry that this chapter took such a long time to get out. I've had a severe cold for the past week, running a fever of 103, coughing up mucus from my lungs literally every twenty minutes, and being completely unable to sleep… My eyes are freakin' bloodshot. I had to use my rare moments of clarity to get as much done on this chapter as possible, so it's probably pretty crunchy. For the record, I DO know why coin-biting is a thing. It seems to be some sort of method by which a person judges the quality of the metal used to make a coin. How or why one does that with their teeth, though, is still beyond me.)

(My AN: Let's see how many of you get it right, since it seems you prefer to keep the answers to yourself. 1:37 AM JST, subtract that with 21:00 and you got 4:37 AM JST. Then we see which timezone fits the 10:37 AM bill. It's UTC-09:00. And since we know that Luke/Lucy is from USA, that leaves us with only one answer, and that is... Alaska. Really. Say in the review if you get it right. Bonus for anyone who does the math like this.)