DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This author has no financial or non-financial relation nor do they possess any right to "Inuyasha: A Feudal Fairy Tale" franchise. Full ownership of all characters is the sole intellectual property of Rumiko Takahashi.
Chapter 14
The Final Shards
"Ye make a very pretty girl Inuyasha," Kaede teased as she cradled the small infant in her arms and ran a wrinkled finger down the little newborn's cheek. They had left the hut for a moment to allow Kagome some rest and had since came to rest beneath the mighty boughs of the Sacred Tree. Unfortunately, the birth of babe had been quite strenuous and the poor young mother needed some time to recover in silence. Inuyasha, of course, took his wife's exhaustion as a dangerous sign but with some very firm reassurance, he'd calmed somewhat. It helped that the elderly miko was very interested in having some time alone with her young niece although she understood that the very protective and, at times, paranoid father refused to let the child out of his sight for one moment. Still, the fact that he trusted his sister by choice to hold the baby only proved to further the truth that the blood of the covenant was thicker than the water of the womb.
"Can't even tell who she looks like much less if she's pretty," Inuyasha snorted softly as his amber eyes drank in the sight of his first and so far only child. Not that one was bad or nothing but he definitely had plans to build an army if Kagome let him. They'd discussed it at length and an agreement was reached. Three was the maximum number of kids Kagome would allow them to have. Period. More than once over the past few months, Inuyasha had joked with his wife, given how enormous she'd gotten, that somehow she'd found a way to have triplets just to hit her quota early. Kagome had not been amused but he amused himself so...
Life was such a strange animal. Who would've thought that he, out of all people, would be married and a father? Not just at this point in their lives but just in general. He - the foul mouthed, rude, obnoxious, at times murderous asshole - had become a family man.
And to his horror, he found himself loving every second of it.
"Her youkai is surprisingly strong," Kaede commented off-handedly, "And her reiki as well."
"Well she'll be able to defend herself then, won't she?" the half-demon sighed thoughtfully before his soft smile fell and anxious played behind his eyes, "Do you think…"
The elderly miko made a face and glanced up at him with concern in her eyes.
"That its really all over," he asked worriedly, "Its been a couple years now and there haven't been any rumors. No one's heard nothing. Maybe...maybe I messed up…"
"The child will be safe Inuyasha. There is no need for ye to be concerned," Kaede soothed affectionately before humming, "But if ye must worry, be ye concerned about the young boys in the village. Ye made a very pretty…."
BRRRRRIIIINNNNGGGGG
Inuyasha's free arm shot out blindly - ready to defend if necessary - as the jarring sound continued until it finally clicked in his mind what exactly that abrasive sound was and that where he'd been moments earlier had only been in his mind. Wincing as the sound somehow became louder, Inuyasha's arm returned to wrap firmly around his woman's stomach as he buried his face into her hair.
"What the fuck? Why..." Inuyasha whined as Kagome's alarm continued blaring right before the sun rose over the horizon and the woman in his arms stirred, "Turn that shit off..."
This rude awakening was especially irksome because he'd been having a good nice dream that didn't involve death or replays of trauma for once. Or at least he didn't think it did. With an exasperated sigh, the more he tried to remember the finer details, the more the images disappeared like water in a sieve. What he could remember seemed strange. Unnatural or rather, supernatural. Feeling and knowing emotions and thoughts, both his own and of others, while being completely detached...like he was watching from across the way...
Maybe that was the future and he was being given a snapshot? That'd be nice. Unlikely but nice. More likely it was just a weird dream. A weird, very vivid, very realistic dream.
"I've got to get up. I need to study," the miko sighed wearily while trying and failing to wiggle out of his arms. The half-demon wasn't having it - although he let her move just enough to turn off the incessant ringing. There were very few things he enjoyed about this time period but being able to cuddle in an unnaturally comfortable bed was always the highlight of their visits. That and he was still bone tired.
"The sun isn't even out yet," the half-demon argued as he demonstrated his flexibility and wrapped one of his legs around her waist, "And we got back so late. Why'd you even set it? What's wrong with you?"
"You can keep sleeping," Kagome pointed out, "Nothing is stopping you from..."
Wrinkling his nose, Inuyasha stood his ground and held her tighter still, "But you're so loud and when you're studying, you're going to smell upset. You know I can't sleep through that."
"Then go to the guest room and sleep there," Kagome offered as she pushed against his arms. Inuyasha groaned.
"It won't smell like you. Why don't you study there and I'll sleep here?
"Just take the 'good' pillow that smells like me," Kagome argued and Inuyasha blushed as she so blatantly called out what made the good pillow 'good'. Sometimes he could swear that woman could read his mind. That was indeed what made that pillow the preferable one - it was the one she typically favored and even though she hadn't used it in several weeks, she also didn't wash that pillow often so her scent still clung heavily to it. The other one smelled like the synthetic fibers on the ground and, honestly, a bit like dust and mold from non-use. Nonetheless, using the nice-smelling pillow wasn't the same as being in a room saturated with her scent and so he pouted heavily.
"Why can't we both just be in here?"
"Because you're precious, you snore and therefore you are distracting." Kagome teased good-naturedly and Inuyasha released her like it burned.
"Excuse you? I don't snore! How would I have survived so long if I..."
"You don't normally but here you do," Kagome sighed as she sat up and stretched her arms over her head, "Probably because of the pollution."
Inuyasha considered this as he stubbornly burrowed under the blankets - fully intending to stay there as long as possible.
"Is it loud?"
"Don't worry about it" the miko yawned before glancing over her shoulder to give him a reassuring smile, "I kinda like it actually. Your chest rumbles and it feels nice on..."
"You didn't answer my question," he insisted - one clawed hand pulling the blanket up to his chin, "Is it loud? Do I sound like Sango?"
Choking on a laugh, Kagome absolutely loved how the slayer was his point of comparison. While Sango was feminine , her snores were just as powerful as her battle tactics. The only frame of comparison the miko herself could use to describe the sound was that of a delivery truck who needed some engine work done. The weirdest part, though, was how Miroku obviously thought it was the most adorable sound he'd ever heard while the rest of them tried to ignore it and took measures to stay far away. Inuyasha swore up and down that the slayer hadn't made that 'god awful' sound the first go around and visibly cringed when the hellish noise began but not Miroku who for some unfathomable reason clearly thought it was the cutest thing he'd ever heard. The first time it'd happened, for it was a relatively recent development, the monk had visibly melted and given the slayer's sleeping form an adoring smile.
The rest of them were horrified. Love really was blind and deaf.
"No. It's soft actually. Barely noticeable," Kagome comforted as she leaned over to kiss his temple and Inuyasha hummed happily at the token of affection.
"How about this?" the miko offered as she pulled back, "I'll give you one more hour..."
Inuyasha gave her a withering glare to indicate that word meant nothing to him so she amended, "I'll give you until I'm done eating breakfast and getting ready which will include taking a shower. And then you have to get up and let me study."
Chewing the inside of his cheek, Inuyasha mulled over this proposal before sighing and snuggling under the covers.
"Take your time," he mumbled as he closed his eyes and adjusted himself into a comfortable position, "Go slowly."
"Is that…"
Miroku nodded faintly as his heart plummeted to the depths of his stomach and his blood turned to ice in his veins. For a demon that was not very formidable, it carried on its person what appeared to be the remaining jewel fragments. There might be one or two more that they were missing but this was not a good sign by any stretch of the imagination.
"Well, Kagome will be gone a week at least. We've got time," Sango offered as Miroku continued staring at the pink crescent in his palm with something akin to despair, "Let's continue to my village. I'll need to make sure my weapons are ready if the battle is soon."
Letting out a shuddering breath, Miroku swallowed thickly and raised his violet eyes. Just when things appeared to be moving in the right direction, his time was being cut short and she was nowhere near loving him. Naraku, should he still exist, would be coming for them. Sango could die tomorrow or, for that matter today.
Suddenly, he understood why Inuyasha acted so desperate and terrified all the time. It could be over at any moment. Especially now that the jewel was near completion. In just a few days, hellfire could be raining down on their heads. This second chance, this reprieve from death, could be over before...
"Miroku? Are you alright?" the slayer asked quietly. Startled slightly, the monk tried to keep from spiraling further and even managed to give a good-natured nod. Offered Sango a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. After a moment, however, he cleared his throat and began walking – tucking the chunk of pink stone safely over his heart.
"We're not far from your village," Miroku began in a forced mechanical tone, "Once your weapon is fixed we'll…"
"Stop," Sango ordered and Miroku had to bite his lip to keep from screaming. Things were finally going well. After months and months of going nowhere, Sango was finally giving him a chance just in time for her not to be given one. Truth be told, he had not asked for much out of life. Before he'd met her, Miroku always assumed he would die young and never thought about the future. Everything he did was about enjoying creature comforts and vices. Temporary happiness to sate himself and distract from his inevitable demise. It wasn't until Sango came into his life that he allowed himself to hope for more. To dream about a little house and a calm stable life. Maybe Inuyasha was on the right track by avoiding such thoughts if he could help it. For whatever reason, this unwanted discovery had panic and despair permeating every fiber of his being. If this feeling was what Inuyasha lived with on a day-to-day basis, the monk deeply regretted chastising him for it.
"Look at me," the slayer ordered and it was only then that Miroku realized Sango was standing before him. Blinking a few times, he strangely found it difficult to make eye contact as his mind raced and the air became impossibly thin.
"I said look at me," Sango laughed sadly before both hands came up to cup his face. Thumb caressing his cheek, the slayer lifted his face and gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
"It's going to be okay. This could be a good thing. You don't need to worry about it."
Closing his eyes, Miroku allowed himself a moment to lean into her touch before clearing his throat and removing his face from her reach. This version of Sango couldn't possibly understand the fear of losing someone she cared about. Not with any context to know the feeling herself. While it was sweet that she was trying to offer him comfort, her words felt hollow. Not that he was upset with her for trying. Quite the opposite in fact. The knowledge that Sango had never known such crushing loss was worth everything. At least, this time, should the worst come to pass…she would never have been subjected to such pain.
"Let's keep going," he insisted a little hoarsely, "The sooner we arrive at your village the better."
As Miroku began marching ahead, Sango watched him go with a worried, mournful look. For all his talk about how Inuyasha was not processing his emotions, the monk was probably just as bad, if not worse. Not once had she ever seen him even attempt to process what happened to him. Not once. Just like everything he did, apparently, he believed staying calm and 'letting go' of world troubles was the best way of dealing with them. Ignore the bad feelings and they'll go away, however, was a plan of action that had never worked for any being quite possibly ever. In fact, it typically led to more problems than it solved. In her lifetime, she'd seen a few men who were in traumatic battles who hid their anguish over it quite well until they simply couldn't anymore. One of them mentally snapped and during a particularly difficult battle ended up turning on his battalion. After he was subdued, with difficulty, he simply refused to calm down and, in fact, was never calm again. Sango was sure that, even as they stood here, that once valiant warrior was still ranting and raving in his very secure position as the village crazy person. The other...the other eventually took his own life. No one would have suspected a thing up until the moment everything came to a head but they'd all suffered when the tragic consequences came to light.
Finding the last remaining pieces of the jewel shards certainly seemed like a catalyst for insanity. One could only keep emotions like that inside for so long before you started to lose your mind. At some point, you had to confront those types of things or else...
"Miroku wait, we need to talk about this," Sango insisted as she caught up to him and blocked his path. Strangely, the monk seemed both annoyed and amused by this action.
"If you want my attention, you've gained it," the monk laughed - the sound forced and harsh, "But there is little to discuss. The jewel appears to be very close to completion. We need to make haste."
"No. We need to talk," the slayer insisted as she narrowed her eyes and took a large step when he tried to move around her, "You're driving yourself crazy. I can see it in your eyes."
"Then look elsewhere," Miroku huffed in exasperation, "Let me pass. We must continue."
Bouncing one leg, Sango set her jaw as she tried to find the words to sensitive express her concerns before she shook her head and came out with it.
"You haven't dealt with what happened," she accused, "You talk about Inuyasha not facing what happened but you haven't either."
Miroku scowled at the insinuation.
"You have made no effort to know me so how would you know my inner most thoughts?" he spat acidly, "Let me pass."
"And go where? My village?" Sango chuckled darkly, "I'm going there too and unless you want to go it alone, you won't be able to escape me. We need to talk about this."
Inhaling deeply, Miroku straightened up and belatedly Sango realized how much taller than her he actually was when she had to tilt her face up to look at him.
"There is no point focusing on the past. It only takes my strength from today. We must continue."
"Yes and you're doing a wonderful job acting normally after finding the last shards of the jewel," Sango chided. Miroku set his jaw and glared.
"We need to focus our attentions and efforts in anticipation of the upcoming battle," the monk opined scathingly, "A battle which..."
"Might not even happen," the slayer interrupted as she gestured towards the treeline, "You and Inuyasha are paranoid! This Naraku fellow hasn't shown any interest in the jewel. I've only seen him one time! He might be dead and you're acting like its inevitable that..."
"Naraku is a cunning, manipulative opponent who is happy to let others do the work for him," Miroku snapped angrily - his voice growing in volume with every word, "I would not doubt if this discovery was by design. In one battle, with a demon who was suspiciously weak, we have now all that is needed to complete the jewel! This is no coincidence. We must be prepared. We cannot..."
"And we will be prepared," Sango tried to diffuse the situation as she held up her hands in surrender, "We will be. That's why we're going to my village. But you're letting your emotions get the better of you. You're not acting like yourself."
"How would you know?" Miroku hissed as he pushed the slayer out of his way and stormed ahead. As Sango watched him go, she realized part of where his anxiety lay came from the recent development in their relationship. He saw himself on the precipice of getting what he wanted and now, in less than a day, that hope has been stripped away from him.
But all was not lost simply because they'd found that particular chunk. It was entirely possible that there were still jewel shards to be found. That Naraku would be involved too was speculation at best.
In his current state of mind, she had no doubt that he was going down a dark path that would only lead to ruin.
"Mir..."
"Give him some space Sango," Shippo sighed wearily as he jumped atop her shoulder and shook his head, "Maybe he needs some time to process this."
"I don't think he'll put in that effort," the slayer murmured worriedly, "But maybe...maybe there's still some time to..."
Slowing the rhythmic swaying of the poor captive feline's paws, weary amber eyes glanced up at the matron of the Higurashi family as she milled about the kitchen. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't hurt to go ahead and get things in motion. Lock his woman down so there'd be no escaping him. That dream gave him a glimpse of what his life could be and even if that was just a dream, it was a very pretty picture. A picture he wanted. Besides, it wasn't like Kagome would say no although she'd probably want to wait until she finished school. And who knows? Maybe he'd be a very, very lucky half-demon and Kagome would say to hell with school and they could get married now and...
Shaking his head, Inuyasha turned his focus back towards something that made him happy rather than continuing to focus on things that only made him anxious. Kagome would undoubtedly feel the shift in his aura and get distracted. Also how often was it that he got to play with a cat? One day he was going to have a cat of his own and no one could tell him he couldn't. Not that Kagome would tell him no seeing as how she owned this fat feline but owning a cat was a condition he'd definitely have if one day they did get married.
"You're so sweet. Yes you are," Inuyasha cooed happily as he wiggled his prisoner's paws in the air, "You love me and I love you."
For all the love being forcibly showered upon him, Buyo most certainly did not love Inuyasha in that moment. Or any moment honestly. Everyone else left the poor chonk alone but not the half-demon. Oh no. His arrival meant an inevitable session of being subjected to cruel and strangely oppressive love that even a dog would grow tired of. Growls didn't do anything to deter the treatment - in fact, it seemed to amuse him and earned many cooes about being 'so mad' like it wasn't abundantly clear. There even were moments when he attempted to bite this evil creature but alas...
The creature often bestowed upon him offerings of treats his normal humans declared to be adverse to his health. In the end, a decision was made long ago to endure this torture knowing there was a reward for compliance.
"Good kitty kitty," Inuyasha hummed happily before dipping down to kiss the cat's forehead, "You're a good kitty. Yes you are."
Despite knowing eventually this abuser would give him strips of sweet lunch meat when no one was looking, Buyo could take no more and meowed for salvation. Thankfully, the main human woman came through the door at that exact moment.
"Inuyasha, will you be a dear and help me in the kitchen?" Mama Higuarashi asked sweetly and Buyo saw his opportunity to escape. And escape he did - scrambling away like a bat out of hell as his half-demon tormentor sighed and got to his feet.
"Yeah," Inuyasha offered - following the matriarch into the kitchen and glancing around the spotless room. How anyone kept something so pristine was beyond him and he found himself shuffling his feet - subtly now - across the rug to make sure he didn't inadvertently leave footprints. For a while now, he'd been trying to pluck up the courage to ask permission. Just to have it in his pocket. Just in case. While fairly confident Kagome's mother would indeed give her blessing, a part of him was terrified to even broach the subject. Not because he thought the woman would say no. He was fairly confident she'd let him marry Kagome. It was just...up until very, very recently - as in today - he couldn't quite admit to himself that it was an option. The very idea seemed like an unobtainable prize being dangled out of reach so he'd been doing what he considered the closest thing in the hopes that it'd stave away the longing by giving him tastes of what the real thing might be like.
But then last night had been so perfect. This morning had been so perfect. That dream had been so perfect.
And he realized that there was no real point in delaying things longer than he already had.
Inuyasha knew exactly what he wanted or, more specifically, when he wanted it. Strangely, despite the general panic that consumed his every moment, the second it clicked in his mind a calm washed over him. A sense of right. His little world aligned, his way forward made clear as glass and shockingly he wasn't afraid to take that leap.
At any rate, what he'd realized is that he wanted, more than anything, some real definition to their relationship and there was only one thing that would reflect the depth of his feelings for her. Well, okay, there was more than one but if the monk threw the term 'soulmate' out there one more time Inuyasha was seriously going to puke. That word rubbed him the exact wrong way. It implied that the only reason he loved Kagome was because of her soul. Which was problematic seeing as he'd loved Kikyo way back when and it was the same soul. There wasn't any predestination involved in this and if there was, he refused to acknowledge it. The very idea that he had no control over who he loved made his skin crawl. He loved Kagome because she was Kagome. It wasn't fate or anything. It just was.
In any case, he wasn't afraid of what the future might hold anymore. For months now he'd wanted more definition but he didn't want to jinx anything. He'd been scared and for whatever reason, he wasn't anymore. Something snapped into place in his mind and now the urgency to get that bitch locked down threatened to consume him. Why the sudden change he honestly couldn't say but he'd never felt so confident about something in his life. Sure, he knew it was possible things might go sideways but that wasn't what he should be focusing on. No matter what happened Naraku couldn't break their bond. No matter what happened their love couldn't be stolen. No one could say that it wasn't real.
So, long story short, Kagome needed to be his wife. She needed to be his wife now. After she died...
Wait, if she died...
If...
Worst case scenario, should that happen, he'd still have a title that marked him as hers. A definition that would adequately label the depth of his grief and let people know who she was to him. He'd be a widower not some sad poor pathetic guy who couldn't move on from a girl he once knew. It'd be different than last time. Less regret at a minimum. There's be something more than miko and friend to carve on her tombstone.
Adding 'wife' would let the world know how deeply she'd been loved.
In all honesty, the inability to define his relationship had been part of his hang up about Kikyo way back in the day. Him and Kikyo hadn't exactly been a couple. There was no definition to what they were. Not really. Arguably she could've been classified as his fiancé but it was never acknowledged aloud. Honestly, Inuyasha suspected that they were technically nothing when she died. She wanted him to be human before making any real commitments, which was fine by him since being human meant he wouldn't outlive her by centuries and thus never be alone again, but because of marked lack of definition the entire relationship felt fragile and confusing even when things were good. Shameful even. It was clear his feelings ran much deeper than hers ever did but in her defense, she had loved him as much as she'd been able. Point being he loved her and after she died, he always caught shit for that because she was just some girl. Part of what rubbed him the wrong way was how everyone, friends and Kagome included, acted like he should've been able to bounce back. Like it was just some fling. No one cared they'd almost gotten hitched. They'd literally been a few hours away from having a wedding when everything went to hell but, oh no, he was just grieving some random dead girl he'd loved once instead of...
Basically it just went to show how properly labeling a relationship was crucial. For that matter being proper and shit mattered. With Kagome, he'd been doing all sorts of inappropriate things honestly and he could see how people might get the wrong idea. As it was, some of the villagers back home had started giving him some major side-eye. Social norms dictated that his extremely physical way of being affectionate was obscene and questionable at best. None of them would say it to his face and they all assumed he didn't hear but the rumor mill had been spreading that a brat out of wedlock was incoming if you caught his drift. Some defended Kagome and speculated they'd been married in secret but others labeled her as a mistress.
Mother had been a mistress.
She'd admitted as much herself but always made a point to say that they loved each other very much and that his father would've chosen them if he could. It was just that his father had already been married and couldn't get out of it for political reasons whatever that meant. Always sounded fishy and like bullshit but there was nothing a toddler could say about it and the man himself was dead so whether what Mother said was true could never be questioned. But he'd seen, heard and experienced how people treated a woman with that title. Knew part of the treatment he'd received had nothing to do with his blood status and everything to do about how he'd been conceived. Part of why he never argued when Sesshomaru called him a bastard - at least not really. It was true. He was a bastard child by definition but that didn't mean the word didn't sting.
Anyway, maybe now was the right time given they were three or four jewel shards away from completing the jewel. If only to make sure no one thought less of the miko for that reason. That and for months now, he'd been wanting to call Kagome something that didn't have the word 'friend' in it. They were way more than friends and the current title Kagome had bestowed upon him honestly felt like an insult. Being husband and wife was much more appropriate. Perfect and even if it wasn't, it was a hell of a lot better than what they were.
"Can you boil some water for me while I get dinner started?" Mama asked sweetly officially shaking the half-demon free from his inner monologue and he nodded.
But didn't immediately do as she asked. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure they weren't interrupted, Inuyasha figured now was as good a time as any while the idea was fresh on his mind. Swallowing convulsively his mind scrambled to figure out the best way to argue his case.
"B-before I do that," he began awkwardly, "I-I wanna ask you s-something important. A-about Kagome. A-and me."
Mama smiled knowingly and set down the knife she'd picked up. While Inuyasha knew that it wasn't a menacing action, the presence of a sharp instrument didn't instill confidence.
"I'm listening," Mama hummed. Exhaling slowly, Inuyasha found his tongue quite tied and instead of actually saying anything, he quickly rushed over to the kettle and began filling it. The soft laugh he received made him feel lower than dirt and the sound of chopping made it clear his strangeness wasn't being questioned.
"Kagome is a lucky girl," Mama offered suddenly as Inuyasha skittishly moved the kettle onto the stove, "My husband never even tried to ask my parents to marry me. Convinced me to elope. Said it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission."
Flinching, Inuyasha fiddled with the burner before giving up on figuring out the damn thing and turning to face the one person who could break him in that moment.
"I..." he cleared his throat, "H-how'd you know?"
"Mothers just know these things," Mama hummed with a wide nod, "That and what else could you have wanted to ask me?"
Inuyasha smiled faintly at the warm tone of her voice. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as he'd feared it could be. She was obviously going to say yes, right?
"Just wanted to do it right," Inuyasha sighed shakily, "M-my sister said humans..."
Screaming internally at his faux pas, Inuyasha cleared his throat and amended, "That men asked for the family's blessing a lot of the time before registering with the headman."
Mama blinked in surprise making his heart sink. He didn't want to give her a reason to say no but pointing out he wasn't quite human seemed a sure fire way to get that result. Little did he know it was the absent minded mention of a sister that threw the matriarch for a loop rather than the reminder he had demon blood. The latter was fairly obvious after all.
"I didn't know you had a sister," Mama admitted with a soft laugh and Inuyasha choked as he realized with no lack of shock what he'd said. Sure, when it was just the two of them that's what he called Kaede anymore but he'd never said it when other people could hear. Frazzled or not, he needed to be more careful what he said before he dug himself a hole.
"Not by blood or nothing," Inuyasha managed evasively, "Just...you know a, um, sisterly figure."
How could he explain that he'd almost been married before and as a result, he ended up calling his dead fiancé's sister his sister? Explaining the whole Kikyo fiasco would make him look like an asshole who might turn on Kagome at the drop of a hat and also bring attention to all the bad things he'd done in the past. The last thing he wanted was for Kagome's mother to believe he was only after the jewel.
"Most men ask for permission. Even in this time," Mama brought the conversation back as she casually continued mincing an onion, "But I'm surprised you asked me instead of Grandfather."
Blushing faintly, Inuyasha belatedly realized that's probably what he should've done but, for various reasons, he associated women as the head of household rather than the men. Was it because he'd been raised by a single mother and women were the only authority figures he'd ever respected? Maybe. More likely, though, he was because, subconsciously, he thought Mama would give her approval while the old man was a wild card. Mama was clearly the safer option and his internal risk analysis dictated that he ask her for permission instead.
"You just seem more in charge," he mumbled awkwardly before clearing his throat and endeavoring to poorly plead his case, "I know I don't have much. Or...or anything actually. But I love her. And I can provide for her. Build her a house and make sure food is on the table. A-and I can p-protect her..."
The way his voice wavered and the slightly green color he'd turned at the last part didn't go unnoticed.
"I don't doubt you love her and can provide," Mama replied vaguely as she moved the onion to the side and grabbed a cucumber, "And I know you'll protect her this time."
And just like that his heart sank into his stomach and his throat grew tight.
"T-this time?"
"It slipped out one day," Mama continued sadly as she watched him sag in defeat, "You were acting oddly and she tried to explain why you were. I made an admittedly insensitive joke about you were acting like she may die at any moment and she said she believed you were afraid of that happening. Again."
The air seemed to grow impossibly thin.
"I..."
"Kagome also told me she's considering dropping out of school. I'm guessing you two have talked about that," the matriarch tried to change the subject away from the memory that obviously killed him inside- her hand steady as she created paper thin cucumber slices for the salad. Inuyasha's heart dropped further still.
"No we never...why w-would she do that? She's worked..."
"She came up with some excuse but I know exactly what she wanted," Mama laughed softly before setting aside the cucumber and moving towards the lettuce, "When you know where your future lies, you want that future to begin as soon as possible. Especially knowing that life is short."
Ears ringing from stress, Inuyasha nodded faintly instead of arguing. In that moment, for the first time in over a century, he desperately wished his mother was here. She'd always known what to say. How to calm him and in one of the most important conversations of his life, he craved motherly reassurance. Needed it to get him through this.
"I...I'll die before I let her get hurt again" he tried miserably before closing his eyes and letting out a shuddering breath, "I will."
Mama glanced up at him with nothing but sympathy as his whole being trembled.
"The only reason I'm hesitant to say yes is out of concern for you," Mama spoke quietly, "Whatever happened clearly traumatized you. Was she your wife then?"
A whimper escaped against his will as he slowly shook his head.
"Doesn't m-matter. I w-won't let that happen again," Inuyasha managed barely above a whisper while the urge to pass out had static fogging his mind.
"I know you would never let something like that happen if you could prevent it," Mama soothed before letting out a soft sigh and setting down her knife, "But I'm going to tell you what Grandfather told me when my husband died. Don't..."
Mama swallowed and shook her head.
"No amount of guilt can change the past. You must keep moving forward," Mama offered, "It happened and it was awful but you aren't perfect. No one expected you to be."
Letting out a shaky sigh, Inuyasha bit his lip as he fought back the urge to explain how he'd failed Kagome. A part of him wanted condemnation rather than forgiveness. She couldn't understand how much he was to blame. What happened...
"Kagome's father died because I asked him to run out in the rain to get ice," Mama continued, "The electricity had gone out because of the storm. I was afraid the food in the fridge would go bad. The rain was so heavy the car couldn't stop. It slid into him full force..."
Exhaling slowly through her mouth, she paused for a moment.
"For years, I blamed myself for making him go out," Mama concluded shakily, "If I hadn't, he'd still be here. You'd be asking him instead of me."
Eyes softening and breathing evening out, the half-demon didn't know what to say. Maybe she did understand more than he was giving her credit for. He could see why she'd blamed herself but it wasn't like she could've known that would happen. Blaming herself for something so out of her control...
A sharp but soft inhale passed over the half-demon lips as a missing puzzle piece fell into place in his mind.
Just...just like he couldn't've known. In fact Naraku counted on it. He wanted to take them by surprise so he could take advantage of their shock. The entire attack was calculated to make sure he'd win. Naraku knew...
Eyes widening, a giant weight lifted off his chest and the sudden urge to cry in relief almost overwhelmed him as realization and understanding hit him with the force of a double decker bus.
Kagome's death hadn't been his fault.
Naraku knew going for Kagome immediately and eliminating her would guarantee his victory because the seemingly emotionless bastard knew what love was. Knew how to manipulate people. How to break people. Naraku hadn't given them any time to defend themselves on purpose and their battle tactics were predictable by that point. There'd be a moment when Inuyasha would set her down to draw his sword and brace himself for an attack. There always was.
Kagome's death hadn't been his fault.
The fact he couldn't fight once he lost her was the reaction Naraku expected. The bastard knew that was how he'd react. Knew Tessaiga was fueled by the desire to protect the people he loved. And Naraku knew how much Inuyasha had loved his miko. How much he loved his friends. Eliminating the motivation and drive ensured victory...
It wasn't his fault. None of it. And given this realization, he could avoid playing into Naraku's hand this time. There was a distinct possibility things could be different.
Kagome's death hadn't been his fault.
A tear slid down his cheek and his legs threatened to give out as the guilt and fear-induced tension he always carried seeped out of his muscles.
"Now I'm going to give you permission to marry my daughter," Mama offered softly before moving across the kitchen and reaching up to firmly hold his chin in her hand, "But on a condition. If you lose her again, you will come here and you will let me take care of you. You will listen when I say not blame yourself and you will agree with me. Do you understand?"
Choking back a sob, Inuyasha nodded jerkily before a soft whine passed over his lips.
"Come here," Mama offered as she drew him into a tight hug which he surprisingly returned. As he shook in her embrace, Mama gently stroked his hair in a soothing pattern, "You're alright sweetheart. You're alright."
And in response, he held her tighter.
To an outside observer and even to the man who agreed to it, Mama condition seemed a strange one. Spoken in a straight forward, calm even tone, you would have thought the idea of her daughter dying would bring her to tears and it had when she'd first learned of it. She didn't need to know how or when it occurred or why her daughter was still seemingly alive. In all honesty, given the quest and the feudal era itself, she'd accepted the risk of an untimely death as par for the course. Mama hoped it wouldn't occur, naturally, but just like anyone who sends their child to war, you know it's a possibility they won't come home.
All of that being said, should the worst come to pass and Inuyasha was left behind, he'd be the latest Higurashi in a long line of Higurashis who had their spouse taken from them far too young. In that car accident, Kagome's father died in his late twenties. Kagome's grandmother died in childbirth when she was barely twenty three. If memory served, a great-grandfather perished in war and so on and so forth. It was unfortunate but it was part of life. Sometimes things just simply weren't fair.
And Mama knew all too well when you're faced with the unimaginable, you need someone else to take over for a moment. Grandfather had taken over the children, the cooking, the cleaning. Everything. She could barely move, barely breathe, couldn't eat, wouldn't shower. Without Grandfather, every aspect of her life would've fallen to pieces. She would've fallen to pieces and never recovered. Guilt and grief would've consumed her. It was years before she could truly smile again. Before she could get through the day without finding herself sobbing in the bathroom.
Grandfather had once told her that his own mother in law had done the same for him as he was doing for her. That it had made all the difference in the world. Losing someone you love so deeply was the worst feeling in the world and no amount of words could adequately describe that pain. The shock.
And Inuyasha was a proud man who would try to put on a brave face and brush it off until his mind splintered. Mama had a sneaking suspicion that there was more to the story. That a long stretch of time lapsed after Kagome died the first time during which time he'd suffered alone. That would explain his behavior. His almost tangible anxiety. How he clung to her daughter like he was afraid she'd disappear if he left her alone even for a moment. Perhaps he'd wished on the jewel to set things right but it didn't matter.
Whether Kagome died tomorrow, a year from now or ten years from now, Inuyasha deserved to be cared after when he couldn't take care of himself. Someone who wouldn't blame him and offer him sympathy and understanding. Who would make sure he ate and bathed and didn't get trapped in his own mind. And if children were in the picture when the worst came to pass, if he arrived broken and defeated with a baby in his arms, Mama would look after her grandbabies too. Just as grandfather had done for her and a mother had done for him, she would care for Inuyasha.