Gift

Bella
Disregarding the actual time and date, awakening the next morning would have felt like Christmas anyway, knowing that I was waking up to tend to my new baby. My baby. I still couldn't quite believe that I'd been given a second chance to be a mother, so soon after losing my precious Renesmee. But all doubts about whether or not it was all too good to be true instantly vanished as I emerged from my room to be astounded by the fruits of Alice's labour.

I stood, slack jawed and gawking, at what must have been every single device, gadget and gizmo invented for babies strewn haphazardly throughout the living areas in various stages of assembly.

"Holy... Alice! What did you do? Hold up a baby store?"

"Almost," Jasper smirked. "She bribed the manager to reopen, then emptied the place out."

I laughed incredulously as I wandered from toy to trinket, picking up and inspecting a Disney musical mobile before moving on to run my hand down the fur of the 5 foot tall teddy bear sitting in the corner. And then I spied the clothes... Lace dresses with matching bonnets and booties, warm onesies and matching suit sets in pretty pinks, pearl whites, soft greens and buttercup yellows were all hanging in a long, low, very intricately carved girly looking freestanding wardrobe... that was clearly intended for the nursery. In the same matching wood I spied a change table, crib, bassinet and ornate high chair.

I turned, grinning, to face the incredibly generous, stunning and wonderful Alice, and when I couldn't find the words, I leaned in and pulled her into a tight hug. Well, it was tight for me... but being made of stone, she probably hardly felt it... but she returned it gently. I pulled back and met her eyes.

"No one has ever explained the concept of 'overkill' to you, have they?"

"Nope," she replied, popping the 'P'.

I looked around, noticing suddenly that several familiar faces were missing... as was the baby.

"Where is everyone?"

Alice waved a hand nonchalantly over her shoulder, indicating the back of the house with indifference. "Oh, they're all in the back bathroom, fighting over who gets to bathe her. I told them you wouldn't mind if they started without you."

I just nodded... if I had been speaking to anyone else, I would have been infuriated that they dare to assume knowledge of my answer on something as important as giving the baby her first bath... but with Alice, I didn't have a leg to stand on, and I knew it. If she hadn't foreseen my reaction, she wouldn't have said anything. It got rather frustrating having a psychic around sometimes.

I started to walk down the hall, then a thought occurred to me and I spun on my heel, turning back to Alice.

"Umm, Alice... sweetie... my favourite, bestest sister in all the world?" I attempted to be smooth... butter her up, bat my eyelids and sweet talk her, but she shot me down before I even got started... laughing loudly, like happy tinkling bells.

"No Bella, I will not tell you what you decide to name her... you can figure that out on your own." She winked cheekily at me. "Oh, and I love it, by the way. I feel totally honoured."

"About what?" I asked, now more confused than ever.

"You'll see," she sing-songed, returning to assembling the crib.

Grumbling to myself, I turned again to seek out the rest of the family. I didn't have to go far... I could already hear Edward and Rosalie arguing.

Eventually, Carlisle... who actually looked just as enraptured over the baby as the rest of them... threatened to remove both Edward and Rose from the room if they didn't stop fighting, which induced them to come to a compromise. Rose would bathe her, Edward would dress her, then I would feed her. I later learned from Edward that Esme had joined him in my room after I fell asleep, and had quietly removed her from my side when she awoke for her night time feeds, so as not to disturb me, so she'd already had two turns at feeding her. I laughed when he told me that, instantly accepting the fact that I would be receiving much more help than could possibly be necessary with this baby... regardless of Esme's words last night. They wouldn't be able to stay away from her as I raised her, no matter what, and I think they all already realized it.

Edward
They say time flies when you're having fun, and I honestly didn't think that had ever been more true than it was on that Christmas day, surrounded by all of my family... including the Denalis, who had arrived just after Bella had finished her bacon and eggs... and promptly spent the entire morning being gooey and taking turns cuddling the sleeping baby as we all exchanged gifts. From the moment the baby had woken up in the morning until the time that Bella excused herself from the family to take herself and the baby off to bed, time felt like it was in fast forward. It was only as I accompanied Bella back to her room, for the second night in a row, that I actually felt consciously capable of taking control of how fast things were moving, and as I took up my usual spot in the armchair, I allowed the reality of what was happening to hit me full force.

I was back. I had my family back... I had some self pride back... but most importantly, I had Bella back in my life. Less than 24 hours ago, I had no future; no meaning in life, and my only purpose had been that of a murderer. Then somehow, some way that was unfathomable to me, I had been thrown a lifeline... in the form of a tiny, defenceless infant. Not only had she brought me back to my family, but she had brought me a way of helping my Bella to recover from the unforgivable pain I had caused her. She was an absolute miracle... my saving grace.

I watched Bella settle her into her newly assembled bassinet, which rested just beside the bed within easy reach of Bella's arms, should she awaken, but that was just a precaution. Residing in a house full of vampires who never needed sleep, and who all simply adored the baby, Bella had to know that there was no way she would actually end up being woken up to tend to the baby.

She was the only person here who needed sleep, why not let one of her very willing assistants take the night shift?

Bella straightened up, then hesitated; a tired but very satisfied expression on her beautiful face. She looked straight at me... our eyes connecting with a force that made it almost impossible to look away.

I broke the silence with a tentative, but confident whisper.

"Motherhood suits you, Love. She is very lucky to have you."

Bella dropped her eyes, and I could tell in that instant that her mind returned to Renesmee, but for the first time since that horrible September day, I didn't allow her to go into her moment of grief. I wanted to explore it. I leapt up from the chair and joined her on the bed, sitting by her side, and covered her hand with my own, keeping my voice as soft and unobtrusive as I could.

"I broke a promise the day I took Renesmee from your body, Bella, and I will never forgive myself for it as long as I exist. Do you know what that promise was?"

Her tears had spilled instantly at my mention of what I had done to her, but she stayed with me, shaking her head 'no' in answer to my question, her head hung in agony.

"I had promised you that I would never force you, never defy your will, and I horribly broke that promise when I violated you on that table. I became the monster that I had never wanted you to see. I overpowered you with my strength, and I stole your choices from you. I had noble intentions, Bella... you know that... I would not sit back and watch you die, but that wasn't my decision to make. I know that now."

I stopped while she shook with the worst of her sobs, and while it killed me to see her cry, especially as I was the cause of it, I couldn't stop until I had explained my point to her. I wanted her to understand how things would be between us from now on.

"I know you will never forgive me, Love. I understand that completely. That you are even allowing me to be near you and this little one is a gift I do not deserve. I just want to make you a new promise, Bella... and I swear to you, I will never break it, not for anything."

"What's that?" she asked softly, having momentarily quieted her sobs.

I met her beautiful brown eyes and stroked a lock of her silken hair away from her tear drenched cheek before I replied.

"I will always respect you, Bella, from now on. I will respect your wishes, and your choices, and your decisions... regardless of my 'best intentions.' I swear, Bella... I will never hurt you again. I just want to be here, always, for you and for the baby. Is that okay?"

She nodded gently. "Okay, but I am going to need my own space, Edward. You can't stay in my room every night... not unless I ask you to, okay?"

I could accept that. "Okay."

She put a hand gently on my arm. "This doesn't mean we are back together, Edward. I'm not ready for that. To be honest with you, I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that again. At least, not like we were."

I felt a crushing grip, squeezing my heart, trying to choke and suffocate me all at once, but I wasn't going to argue. I was in her life... that was already more than I had dared to hope for. I would take it and be satisfied with it.

"I need to ask you something, Edward... something that has been on my mind ever since that day."

"You can ask me anything, Love. I will answer it as honestly as I can."

She looked up into my eyes, again startling at the horrid redness of them, but she didn't flinch away.

"How could you have done what you did? You must have known that I would hate you for it, so why take that risk? You destroyed our marriage, our love and our trust, all to try to save my life... when I might not even have died at all. I would have kept my heart beating, Edward, after her birth, so you could change me. I promised you I would keep my heart beating. Why wasn't that enough for you?"

Her voice was aching and accusatory, but hadn't I just promised to respect her, and to answer her as honestly as I could?

"Don't you see, Love, how simple that choice was for me? You are everything to me. How could I have ever loved her, regardless of what she was, if she had killed you? She would have been orphaned... for I would have followed you soon after."

She nodded, fresh tears glistening in her eyes, but I knew that she understood.

A small smile crept onto my face as I overheard what my family was doing in the living room. I groaned aloud, and Bella looked at me curiously.

"Are you going to sleep now love, or are you up for a little family chat?"

She eyed her bed longingly, but her curiosity was obviously stronger than her fatigue, so she asked me what the chat was about.

"We both might want to get back out there soon, or they're all going to name this baby without us."

Her eyes went wide with surprise. "Oh. I'd been thinking about that." I smiled happily at her.

"That's funny. So had I."

I rose quickly and offered her my hand, which she accepted quickly without hesitation, linking our fingers, and we walked together out into the live debate about the best name for our new child.

Bella
"I can't help but notice some similarities between Hannah's situation and your human mother; so if you don't mind, Edward, I would like her name to somehow include Elizabeth.

"Of course I don't mind, I think she would be honoured. Are we giving her a second name?'

"I was thinking something for her birth mother. Elizabeth Hannah, maybe?"

Rosalie flicked through the baby name book on her lap with inhuman precision, stopping directly on the 'H' section of the girls names. "Hannah - (Hebrew), meaning 'Full of Grace'. How about Elizabeth Grace?"

Emmett chuckled softly from the seat beside Rose. "Yeah, that would make sense if you think about it. Calling her Grace, I mean... her mom was pretty full of Grace... for about nine months anyway."

Jasper hooted with laughter. Kate scowled, trying to suppress a small grin. Rose just leaned over, not even taking her eyes off the book, and slapped him deftly across the back of the head.

I smiled at her. "How about Rosalice Elizabeth Grace Cullen?"

She beamed at me... a little stunned. "You would name her for me?"

"As long as you wouldn't mind."

"Mind. Are you kidding? Bella, I would love that." I'd never seen Rosalie's smile more brilliantly beautiful.

I turned to Alice. "Do you mind?"

Alice grinned. "I've already told you... I'm honoured. But I know you can come up with something more original for a second name."

As we all went back into 'think' mode I suddenly had a nervous thought. If Esme didn't want the baby to know what they were, should I give her my maiden name, so that she doesn't see the connection? I quickly ran the question by Carlisle. He smiled kindly.

"Aren't you still a Cullen, Bella?"

I glanced nervously across at Edward, but failed to read his expression.

"Yes," I spoke in a small voice.

"You and the baby will always be a part of this family Bella... no matter what names you have. The choice is yours."

I nodded appreciatively. Of course Carlisle was right, but the baby was a part of Edward too, and she deserved to carry his name.

"It's up to you, Bella. I don't mind. After all, what's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

I grinned as I continued with a personalized version of Juliet's lines.

"So Rosie would, were she not Swan called, retain that dear perfection which she owes without that title."

I felt a small shiver in my heart as I shared that moment with Edward. It felt like old times. I sat close beside him as I tried desperately to come up with ways of blending some more family names together, to make her original name even more meaningful.

"Rosalice Gracebeth Cullen," suggested Carlisle.

I shrugged. It wasn't bad... I rolled a few more names off my tongue, just to check how they sounded.

"Ellannah... Hannahbeth..." I eyed Edward for his opinion. He screwed his nose up.

"Or you could try combining Elizabeth and Carlisle; Carliza... Carlizabeth?" tried Esme.

Emmett's booming laughter again filled the room.

"Fo shizzle, Carlizzle, how's it crackalackin?"

I tried to glare at Emmett, but I couldn't keep my face serious long enough to get the words out.

"I'll throw you out, Emmett."

He laughed. "I'd like to see you try, Bella."

I turned my attention back to Esme, responding to her suggestion as if Emmett hadn't interrupted.

"No, I've already used Carlisle's and Charlies name in Renesmee's name. I don't know if I ever actually told you all, but her full name was Renesmee Carlie Cullen."

"That's beautiful Bella. Thank you," spoke Carlisle softly.

The room fell silent again. Briefly.

"Rosalice Lizannah Cullen," offered Jasper.

The whole room turned and looked at me. I grinned at Jasper.

"Rosalice Lizannah Cullen." I tested it... liking the way it sounded. Edward met my eyes and gave his nod of approval. I turned back to where Alice and Jasper sat entwined on the couch, presenting them both with a very grateful smile.

"Thank you Jazz, it's perfect."

AN: Rosalice is pronounced as Rosa-Lease, and in the 12 years since I wrote this story that name has grown on me so much, I actually adore it now. This whole naming scene was written very tongue-in-cheek as a bit of a poke at SM for coming up with Renesmee, and 'Lizannah' is definitely meant to be following in that same tone.

Please leave me a review, I'm really not feeling the love here for this story any more, and wondering if I should even bother continuing to repost it here. I had over 1500 reviews for this story the first time around, but it was removed from this site in 2012 due to 'inappropriate content', so I lost all those incredibly inspiring comments. I was hoping to get at least some of them back again...

Constructive criticism is always welcome.

xx BRL