As Stella walked into the lab, she looked toward Mac's office, but he wasn't there. She supposed he was still at that hotel. He had a lot of people to talk to. She went to the computer lab and gave Adam the tapes from the studio, so he could get started analyzing them. "Wow, this is a lot of stuff," Adam said.
"I'll buy you a gourmet dinner," Stella replied.
"A pizza will do."
Stella smiled. "You'll get it. If you hear anyone who is particularly angry or threatening, let me know."
"Okay."
Stella went back into the lab. She could see the TV in the other room. The weather was a big issue right now, because Hurricane Earl was coming toward the Northeast. They weren't expected to have much but a lot of wind and rain. The hurricane would be staying offshore. Stella wondered if Mac wanted to cancel their date for the next night. It would be miserable weather. She wondered why they had to date anyway; they were living together and had been working together all these years. She didn't know how they could know each other any better.
Stella put the fingerprints and DNA she had found into the system. There were some of Norman Randle's fingerprints and his DNA on the bed, but there was also female DNA on the bed, and Stella figured the fingerprints would come back to the same person. She wondered why the woman had not come to the station to say she knew Randle or to ask what happened to him or give them some sort of clue as to who could have killed him.
Mac was still at the hotel. He was about to talk to the designer of the lingerie line that MaKayla Wyatt was part of modeling. He knocked on the door and waited for someone to come to the door. Finally, a woman opened the door. She looked like she had just gotten out of bed. "What do you want?" she asked.
Mac showed her his badge. "I'm Detective Mac Taylor. I'm investigating the murder of MaKayla Wyatt. I understand she was modeling your lingerie line."
"Not my line. Karl in there owns the line."
"I need to see him."
The woman opened the door and let Mac in. Then she went to the other room. Mac waited for someone to come back. Finally, a man came from the other room. He had black hair and brown eyes. "I am Karl White," he said. "What do you want?"
"A model was murdered last night." Mac showed him a picture of the victim. "Did you know her?"
White stared at the picture. "Yes, she modeled for us last night, but I didn't 'know' her."
"When was the last time you saw her? Didn't you notice she was missing? We think she died around nine. The show didn't end until around eleven."
"I don't keep up with the models."
Mac couldn't believe no one noticed this girl was missing. "Let me see your hands," he said.
"Why? Am I a suspect?"
"Everybody is until they're eliminated."
"Then get a warrant."
Mac stared at him. "If you're innocent, why don't you want to go ahead and get your name off the suspect list?"
White folded his arms. When he did, Mac noticed bruising on his right hand. "What did you do to your hand there?" he asked.
"I got into a fight."
"With MaKayla?"
White glared at Mac. "Absolutely not!"
"She was gripping something when she died and someone took it from her hand. Someone broke her jaw." Mac looked at White's hands. "I think you need to come downtown with me."
"I'll do no such thing!"
"Oh, yes you will."
White looked at the woman in the room. "Call my lawyer!" he said.
"Don't worry, you can get your lawyer, and she's coming downtown too. Get dressed."
While they were getting dressed, Mac called Don Flack to come and pick them up. The two finally came from the other room and stood glaring at Mac. "Who did you get in a fight with?" Mac asked.
"One of the other designers," White said. "We're very competitive."
"You sure you didn't chase MaKayla out in that alley and punch her and kill her?"
"I don't have to answer that absurd question!"
"Well, you don't have to. When we take a mold of your fist and your fingerprints, we'll know the answer."
Soon, Don Flack was there. He put two very irritated people into the car and carried them down to the station. Mac went to search the hotel room. He found a camera in the room. He took pictures of it. The back of it was open and it looked like someone had tried to rip the film out. Mac took pictures of that and put it in an evidence bag. Then he searched the garbage cans. He found the film that had been ripped out in the garbage compactor in the kitchenette. Mac hoped they weren't totally ruined. He put it in an evidence bag. He thought maybe MaKayla had something on those film that wasn't good for Karl White and his female companion.
Mac searched the hotel, but he didn't find a knife. He knew they could have disposed of it anywhere. He had solved plenty of cases where the suspect had dropped the knife or other murder weapon down into the basement, dumped it in a garbage can…he would just have to figure out what happened to it, if these two were the ones who killed that girl.
Mac looked at the garbage chute and the laundry chute out in the hall, but he didn't see any traces of blood. He figured they were careful. The only reason he suspected White was because he had bruises on his hand. He went down to the basement to look around. He knew the knife could have been dropped down there from anywhere. He looked in the junk under the elevator. He found everything but a knife there, however, there was a gun there and even an ice pick. Mac was pretty sure the victim had been stabbed with something bigger than an ice pick. However, he put the two things in a bag to give to hotel security.
Mac looked at the garbage bin. He supposed he could call Adam down there and make him go through the garbage, but Adam was probably busy. Mac went out to the Avalanche and got his coveralls and went back into the hotel. He got into the coveralls and went back down to the basement. He put on a clean pair of gloves and climbed over into the garbage bin. He thought he would gag. "It's a dirty job," he said to himself. "But somebody has to do it." He looked at his watch. It would be only three more hours before he had to go to the DMV for his punishment assignment. The chief had said he would talk to the Commissioner about that, but Mac didn't think it would do any good. The Commissioner had been pretty angry at him for letting that information get out like that. Mac was pretty upset at his own self. He had never let information get out before. Then again, they had plenty of incidents where information leaked out and no one knew how it got out.
Mac dug down to the bottom of the garbage bin on one side, but didn't find anything. Just as he was about to start digging in the middle, a bag of garbage came down the chute and almost fell on top of him. He moved just in time. Mac shook his head and sighed. What else was going to happen to him this week? He could see the headline now: "Detective Mac Taylor knocked out and buried in garbage while searching for murder weapon". He knew the press would just love that, especially after the other things that had happened to him this week and in previous weeks. They had never learned the entire story about his captivity, unless Quinn had told them. He was surprised she hadn't told them. He figured she was waiting for the big hammer to come down. Mac was still full of dread about that situation. He could remember her saying she was going to take a "prize" to prison with her. He shook his head. This was no time to think about that. He had a job to do, but still it was always in the back of his mind. He remembered vividly what she had done to him. He didn't understand why he could remember that but couldn't remember some of the other stuff that happened.
Mac realized his hands were shaking again. He took a deep breath and blew it out. He had to get his mind off this. He tried to concentrate on the garbage and what he was looking for. He thought it would be easier if he had experimented and gotten an idea of what kind of knife was used. The wound wasn't very distinctive, however. He thought someone had twisted that knife in that girl. He knew they intended to kill her. Whatever she knew, she had died for it.
Suddenly, Mac heard someone say, "What you doing up there?"
Mac looked to see a guy in a security guard uniform standing outside the garbage bin. He showed the man his badge. "I'm investigating a murder," Mac said. "I'm looking for the murder weapon."
"You're supposed to have clearance to come down here."
"I got clearance from the manager."
"They never tell us what's going on around here."
"Did you see anything unusual going on last night?"
"I wasn't here last night. There were five other guys on duty last night. I'm on the day shift."
"I can't seem to find anyone who saw MaKayla Wyatt leave the hotel."
"Sorry, I can't help you there."
"Did you see her here at the hotel anytime?"
The guard thought a moment. "They arrived day before yesterday," he said. "Yeah, I saw her when they arrived that morning and I saw her yesterday. She was a nice girl."
"Was she with anyone?"
"She had a body guard with her when I saw her."
Mac stopped what he was doing. "A body guard?"
"Yeah. They all had body guards."
"Then where was he when she was being murdered?"
"To tell you the truth, I haven't even seen that guy today."
"Can you give me a list of the security guards who were on duty here last night? Did they watch after the fashion show?"
"Of course they did, and yes, I can get you a list."
"Thanks. You do that."
"I'll go get it now."
Mac started digging in the garbage again. Something wasn't adding up. If she had a body guard, why would he not be fighting for her? A little girl like that would not have a chance against a person trained as a body guard. Why would her body guard turn against her though? Maybe her agent hired him to get those film from her. People would do anything for money…some people anyway. Mac didn't want to put everyone in the same boat. He knew there were some people out there who wouldn't do that. Apparently, the victim had been one who wouldn't do just anything for money.
While Mac was digging in the garbage, his phone rang. He pulled his dirty gloves off and got his phone out. "Taylor," he said.
"Mac, where are you?" Stella asked.
"I'm down in the dumps. Why?"
Stella paused a moment. "Down in the dumps?"
"Yes, I'm scavenging through garbage in this hotel basement."
Stella almost laughed. She wished she was there to see that. "Are you breaking for lunch?"
"Not now. I haven't found what I'm looking for and I think I just got another lead in my case. How is your case coming along?"
"We're searching through tapes trying to find someone who hated Norman Randle enough to kill him."
"Any luck?"
"So far, we have found ten people who would like to rip his spleen out, five who want to rip his heart out, five who want to cut his voice box out and ten who want to cut off his private part."
Mac absorbed that for a moment. "Okay, so you have quite a list."
"To say the least, and that doesn't even include all the letters I found at his apartment from people who want to basically cut him into little pieces and scatter him all along the east coast."
"Wow. That guy must have been some piece of trash." Mac threw a soda can over his shoulder and looked further down into the dumpster.
"Speaking of the east coast, did you know that Hurricane Earl is coming tomorrow?"
"I briefly heard something about that on the weather."
"Are we still going on our date?"
"Sure. Are we going to let a little hurricane stop us?"
"Little? That thing is huge!"
"We'll be inside anyway. It won't be that bad."
"I'm glad the thing is staying offshore."
"So am I."
"It is already getting a little cloudy. Those high cirrus clouds that come before the storm."
"Yeah."
Stella could hear Mac grunting. "Are you still digging?" she asked.
"Of course," Mac said. "I haven't found the murder weapon yet."
"I suppose I could come down there and wallow in the garbage with you."
Mac chuckled. "You would look good dirty."
"Oh, is it that bad?"
"Yes. I thought I would gag when I first got in here. I guess I've sorta gotten used to the smell now."
"Well, good luck. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay."
Mac put his phone away, but just as he got it in his pocket, it rang again. He sighed and got it back out. "Taylor," he said.
"Mac, what's taking so long?" Don asked. "These two are raising Cain here."
"Let them raise him. I'm looking for the murder weapon. I found a camera in their hotel room with the film ripped out. I also found out that Miss Wyatt had a bodyguard, and I'm wondering where he was during all this."
"Interesting."
"I'll be in as soon as I can. Take their fingerprints and DNA and get an impression of Karl White's fist."
"Might not be so easy. They already have lawyers down here."
"So get a warrant. Tell the judge I found evidence in their room. That camera could be what MaKayla was holding when she died. If it has her prints on it, someone has some explaining to do."
"I'll get on it."
Mac put his phone away. He hoped he was about to break this case. He wouldn't mind it going fast. He had a lot of the pieces now. If he could just find the other pieces, he would be able to put the puzzle together and see the whole picture. He moved another garbage bag and saw something in the bottom of the dumpster. It was definitely a knife. He got it out and put it in an evidence bag. He took off his dirty gloves and went back up to the lobby of the hotel. There were some people in the lobby. They wrinkled their noses and acted like Mac was the scum of the earth. He went over to the counter. "I'm looking for one of your security guards," he said. "He was supposed to get me a list of people who were on duty here last night."
"The security office is right down that hall to the right," the clerk said.
"Thanks."
Mac wondered what was taking so long. He went down the hall and found the security office. He knocked on the door and it opened slowly. Mac pushed the door open further. "Hello," he said, but then he saw two security guards, including the one who had come down into the basement, lying in the floor dead.
Mac took his phone out and called Flack. "Don, we've got a situation here," Mac said. "There are two dead security guards here in the security office. One of them was here to get a list of the security guards who were on duty last night during the fashion show."
"I'll get some officers together and I'll be there in a few minutes, Mac," Don said.
Just then, someone grabbed Mac from behind with a leather strap around his neck. He dropped his phone and grabbed the strap. The guy stomped Mac's phone. "Mac!" Don said, as he heard the phone drop and thought he heard a gasp from Mac. He put his phone away and ran out the door. He called the situation in.
Mac was trying to get a handle on the situation, but he was sitting on the floor and couldn't get up. He elbowed the guy in the stomach three times before he could get loose. He gasped for air as he got to his feet and turned to face his attacker. The man recovered quickly. As Mac turned, he was coming at him. He grabbed Mac by the jaw and slammed him into the wall. Mac saw stars. He knew he had to get his bearings back, or he was going to be dead. The man, whom Mac thought looked like one of the security guards, punched him. Mac tasted blood and felt blood coming from his nose. Before he could even react, the guy kneed him in the groin.
Mac finally got hold of the man's arm and twisted it around. Then he came down on the man's elbow. He backed up then. Mac glared at him through green fire. He saw the man's name on his badge: "Zuckerman". "You want some more?" Mac asked.
Zuckerman didn't like the look in Mac's eyes. He wasn't afraid of him at all. That made Zuckerman angrier. This guy was no more than 5'8" tall. Who did he think he was? He should be afraid. Zuckerman didn't see any fear in those eyes. "I'm going to kill you," he said.
"Come on then," Mac said. "You come and try it. You killed that little girl, didn't you? Did that make you feel like a big man?"
Zuckerman glared at Mac. "She knew too much," he said. "She was going to turn those pictures in. They would have ruined me!"
"Well, you're really ruined now!"
Zuckerman charged at Mac, but Mac was ready for him this time. Just as they met in combat, Don Flack came around the corner. He had seen Mac take suspects down, but not like this. Mac was in action, and Zuckerman found himself lying flat of his stomach on the floor with a broken nose and no energy left to fight. Don looked at Mac. "You need my help?" he asked.
Mac looked at him. "Get him out of here," he said. "He's the one who killed that girl."
Don put handcuffs on Zuckerman. "Get up!" he said. "You're under arrest for murder!" Don looked into the security office. "Looks like three murders!"
Mac took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his nose. Don came over to him. He wrinkled his nose. "Where have you been?" Don asked.
"In the garbage," Mac answered. He rubbed his side with the sore ribs. "I'm glad he didn't hit me there." Mac shook his head. He would have preferred not being hit in a few other places too.
"You alright?"
"I'll live."
Mac put on some clean gloves and took pictures of the two murder victims in the security office. They had both been shot. Mac wondered why no one heard the shots, but then he realized the room was sound proof. He supposed Zuckerman closed the door and did his deed.
Before Mac got done with processing, the ME arrived. "I'm almost done," Mac said, as he was finishing up his collection.
Mac turned the bodies over to the ME's office and headed out to the Avalanche. He was beginning to feel that fight he was in even more now. He wanted to go and get a shower. He went to the office and took his evidence into the lab. Sheldon was there now. Mac sighed. "Take care of this, will ya?" he asked. "I have to get a shower."
"Will do," Sheldon replied. "You alright?"
"I got into a fight with that security guard. I'll live though."
Mac went to his office and got one of his morphine pills. He definitely needed one now. He took it with some water and went to the showers. By the time he was done with the shower, the morphine was working. He felt very dizzy. He got dressed in a sweater and black jeans. Then he headed back to the lab. He almost stumbled into the doorway as he was entering the lab. Sheldon saw it. "Mac, are you okay?" he asked, and went to Mac.
"I…" Mac looked at Sheldon.
"What's the matter? You look confused." Sheldon shined a light into Mac's eyes. "Did you get hit on the head?"
Mac thought a moment. "I don't know." He was feeling the full effects of the morphine now. He was starting to feel numb all over.
"Come and sit down."
Sheldon led Mac to the couch in his office. He got his doctor's kit and checked Mac's blood pressure and other vital signs. He felt of Mac's head and found a knot on the back. "You get this in that fight?" he asked.
Mac looked at his watch. "I don't have time for this," he said. "I have to be at the DMV in an hour. I have to get that evidence processed."
"That evidence is being processed," Sheldon said.
"I'll be okay." Mac stood up. He stumbled slightly.
"Mac, you could have a slight concussion."
"Will it kill me?"
"You'll have to go to the emergency room and let them check you out."
"I don't have time for that."
Mac went into the lab. Sheldon came in there. "I dusted the prints on the camera," Sheldon said. "They belonged to the victim and there were some that belonged to the security guard. I also found prints on the film, and they belonged to her manager."
Mac considered that. "That doesn't make sense." He rubbed his eyes. "Why would the security guard and the manager be in cahoots like that?"
"I guess that's the big question, isn't it? We have to figure out what their connection is. Maybe the manager hired the security guard as MaKayla's private bodyguard."
"The other security guard didn't mention that."
"Maybe he didn't know it. Maybe he wasn't supposed to hire out like that."
"Question is: what's on those film."
"Adam is working on that now."
Mac went to the computer lab. Adam wasn't there, but Mac could see someone was in the dark room. He figured Adam was still working on the film. He had to have them to see what was so important.
Soon, Adam was done with the film. He brought the pictures out to Mac. "I can see why the security guard wanted those pictures," Adam said.
Mac looked at the pictures. He looked at Adam. "I think they speak for themselves," he said. "Thanks, Adam. Do you know where Stella is?"
"She's out checking out a lead from one of those letters she found in Norman Randle's apartment. She found the woman he had been with. She said he had gotten several threatening phone calls at his own apartment while she was there. He had just ignored them because he got threats all the time."
"Alright."
Mac went into the lab. He looked at the report Sheldon had made out. The fist impression from the manager did not match the print on MaKayla Wyatt's face. Sheldon came in just then. "I just got an imprint of the security guard's fist," he said. "How are you feeling?"
"Better," Mac said. "Compare that." He held up the stack of pictures he had from the film. "I think we found our reasons for this murder. MaKayla had caught the security guard and her manager in very compromising positions together and with two women in the same bed." Mac shook his head. "I think this was the whole reason for the murder. MaKayla was going to expose what they were doing. She must have been blackmailing them and Zuckerman was doing all this while he was on duty, even wearing his uniform. I'm thinking he wasn't supposed to hire out as a body guard to her while he was on duty at that hotel. I suppose Zuckerman's wife wouldn't have liked hearing about all this going on, and that woman we picked up with the manager probably didn't know about all this either."
Sheldon compared the fist prints and they matched. "He definitely hit that girl," he said.
"There were no prints on the knife?"
"No."
"He already confessed anyway. I'm going down to interrogation."
Mac went to the elevator and down to the squad room. Don Flack was at his desk. "Well, I'm glad you're here," Don said.
"Why?" Mac asked. "You tired of babysitting?"
"Yeah."
Mac went on into the interrogation room where Zuckerman was. "I got you good," Zuckerman said, as he saw the bruises on Mac's face.
"I got you better," Mac said. He dropped the evidence folder on the table. "You're going to jail. Why did you kill that girl?"
"She was going to tell everything! It would have ruined everything for me!"
"Why did you get yourself into that situation in the first place?"
Zuckerman leaned back and folded his arms. "I'm not saying anything else."
"That's alright. We have enough to put you away anyhow."
Mac walked out of the room and went over to the other where Karl White was. His lawyer was there. "It's about time!" the lawyer said. "You have kept my client waiting here far too long!"
"Yeah? Well, he's going to have a long time in jail to get over it," Mac said.
"What is his charge?"
"Conspiracy to commit murder. He and Zuckerman were more than just acquaintances, and MaKayla Wyatt found out about it and got pictures somehow. Zuckerman was going to lose everything, and White here wouldn't have looked too good either, so they decided to just get her out of the way."
White folded his arms. "She should have just stayed out of it," he said.
"You killed that little girl over something like this! What did she do? Find out about and told you all that she would tell it if you didn't make her a top model in your agency?"
"Yeah. She wasn't the little innocent angel you think she was. That's how she got where she was. She got too greedy. She started wanting more pay like she was a professional model."
Mac sighed. "Well, you can kiss your modeling agency goodbye. Although I'm sure your female companion in there will find all this interesting."
Mac left the room. He had never heard such a tangled mess of information…then again, he thought he had heard worse. "This case is closed," he told Don.
"You think that hurricane is going to cause trouble here?" Don asked.
"Probably not much. It's not supposed to get all that close to the coast, although it will brush Long Island."
"Have you seen that surf out there? It's horrendous."
"I haven't had time to see it. I think it's getting pretty cloudy out there already."
Mac looked at his watch. "I have to get going," he said. "See you later."
Mac went to his office and got his coat and then got a cab to the DMV. It was already raining a little outside and the wind was blowing. Mac went inside and checked in with the supervisor. "We won't go out tomorrow," she said.
"Thanks," Mac said. He put his hat and his rain poncho on and Al took him over to his street. "Thanks for the ride."
"No problem," Al said.
Mac began his walk. He thought maybe he would lose some weight doing all this walking. The wind seemed to be chilly. He shivered as he walked. The wind gusted part of the time, and there was once that Mac thought it would blow him over. His phone rang while he was writing a ticket. He put his blue tooth on his ear. "Yeah," he answered.
"Mac, how are things going today?" Stella asked.
"Wet. How is your case?"
"I think I found our murderer. This guy had insulted this man and his wife by saying the guy looked like a wooly mammoth married to a princess."
Mac shook his head. "And he killed him over that?"
"Apparently, the guy thinks he was responsible for his wife having an affair and divorcing him."
"Oh." Mac put the parking ticket in the sleeve and put it on the car windshield. "There are a lot of parking violations today."
"I guess people are trying to stay dry and get what they need to stay in tomorrow."
"I guess."
"What are we doing tomorrow?"
"Maybe we should just have a special dinner at the apartment."
"You want me to whip up something?"
"We could always order out."
Stella smiled. "You want to have pizza by candlelight?"
Mac chuckled. "Well, we could always make up for it some time after the hurricane is gone."
"I'm sure we will."
Mac found another car in violation. "I hope it is sunny next week so I won't have to do this in the rain," he said.
"Me too," Stella replied.
"Where are you now?"
"I'm in my office. I have to get this report done and then I'm going home."
"I'm ready to go home myself."
Suddenly, there was a big gust of wind that blew rain into Mac's face. "I think I'm going to be soaked again when I get home," he said.
"I'll have you something warm to eat when you get there."
"Thanks."
When Mac was done with his duty, he went home. He sneezed as he shivered inside the door of the apartment building. He went and picked up his mail before he went home. He could smell whatever Stella was cooking before he opened the door. He went in and hung his coat and hat on the coatrack and took the poncho to the bathroom. He got a hot shower and got dressed in his usual attire for the evening. Then he went to the kitchen.
"I heard you come in," Stella said. "I couldn't leave this at the moment."
"That's alright," Mac said. He sat down at the table to look at his mail. There was another letter from Quinn. He rubbed his eyes.
"What's the matter?"
Mac looked up and Stella was standing beside the table. He showed her the envelope. Stella sat down. "Open it," she said.
"I don't want to read it," Mac said. "I'm afraid of what she'll say."
"Like what?"
Mac had never told Stella what he thought. He looked at Stella. "I don't really want to talk about this," he said.
"Why?" Stella asked.
"It's embarrassing, that's why."
Stella stood up. "Well, if you want to read it, I won't look. I'll check the dinner."
Mac watched Stella walk to the stove. What would she think if she knew this? She always told him that it wasn't his fault and that he didn't have to torture himself, but she didn't know the rest. Mac looked at the enveloped. He went into his room and opened it. It was a typed letter. He read what she had to say, which was mostly just reminding him of what happened from her point of view. Then at the end, she told him she would have a surprise for him in a few more weeks. Mac ripped the letter up and went into the kitchen. He dug the matches out again and burned the letter in the sink.
"Mac, what are you doing?" Stella asked.
Mac looked at her. "I'm burning it!" Mac snapped. "What does it look like I'm doing? Maybe it's nothing to you, but it's a lot to me!"
Stella stared at him. "What did she say?"
"I don't want to talk about it!"
Mac left the kitchen and went to bed. He didn't want to think about this or talk about it. Stella walked into the room. "Mac, I didn't mean to hurt you," she said.
"How am I supposed to get past this with her harassing me all the time?" Mac asked. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just not hungry."
Stella wanted to go to him, but she figured he wanted to be alone. She went back to the kitchen. She wished she could get hold of Quinn. She would like to claw her eyes out. She had ruined her evening with Mac. Stella had wanted them to have a good dinner together and enjoy talking, but now, he had retreated to his room.
Stella ate some of her meal she had made and then went to her own room. She knew Mac did not want her with him tonight. She hoped he would feel better in the morning.
Mac was staring out the window at the rain. He knew the wind and rain would be even fiercer tomorrow. He pulled the covers around him tighter. How would he ever get past all this? He remembered the morphine pills in his coat pocket. He got up and went to get one. He swallowed it with some water. Then he went back to bed. He didn't know what he would do when the pills ran out, but he would just have to figure something out.
Stella had gone to sleep. She did not know Mac was struggling so fiercely with his problem. She did not even know he was still taking morphine. Mac wanted to keep it that way. He had tried to avoid it, but he was in pain anyway…at least that's what he told himself.