Chapter 17: If Walls Could Talk
Thomas whimpered as he tossed and turned. "No, no, no" Thomas said pulling his cover around him. "M…. mom," Thomas said coming to toss and turn. Thomas woke up, opening his eyes and sitting up quickly. Thomas was covered in sweat as he was breathing hard from his nightmare. Thomas's fears then turned to tears as he cover his eyes with his hands and cries. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "Thomas are you awake!" Bluey called from the other side of her brothers door. "Yeah I'll be out in a minute," Thomas said looking to the door. "Okay!" Bluey said leaving the door. Thomas wipes the sweat from his fur and gets out of bed. Thomas then checks his phone and sees he almost late for school. "Great," Thomas said as he raced out the door of his room. "Son! Don't you want to eat?" Bandit said making breakfast. "I'll get something on the way," Thomas said, putting his head inside the kitchen and then proceeding to get down the stairs to the entrance and going out the door.
Thomas raced down the street, hoping to reach the bus stop in times. At that moment, he felt quite light and then noticed and remembered he forgot his backpack in his room. "Shoot," Thomas said running back home. Thomas got inside the house and grabbed his backpack. He couldn't believe he had forgotten his backpack and that would cost him the bus ride… and all because of that stupid nightmare. When the thought of that nightmare came to him, Thomas could feel his heart racing and his skin transpiring again, while he started giving short and hard breaths.
"I can drive you son," Bandit said coming into his son's room. "It's… okay… dad…" Thomas said, keeping breathing hard. "Mate are you okay?" Bandit asked now worried, not liking on the look on his son's face. "I… just… need… to… go… school…" Thomas said slurring his words. "Thomas? Mate? You need to sit down… Chilli!" Bandit called his wife trying to stop his son from leaving. "No… I… have… or… I'll… be… late…." Thomas said trying to push his way through his dad. The room started spinning and Thomas's vision started to blur. "You're not going anywhere like that, son," Bandit told, while containing Thomas.
"What's going on? Oh my gosh Thomas are you okay?" Chilli said rushing to her son and helping her husband. "Mum is Thomas okay?" Bingo asked, at the entrance of the room with Bluey, now scared for her brother and hiding behind her older sister. "Just… Let… me… go… to... school…" Thomas's final words before passing out on the floor. "Thomas!" Bandit said worried catching him before he could hit his head. "I'll call the doctor," Chilli said rushing to the phone. "Mum?" Bingo asked scared now tearing up. "Bluey take your sister to the other room," Chilli said getting her sell phone.
Thomas woke up in the hospital with his dad lying his head on the bedside. "Dad?" Thomas said trying to sit up. "Thomas! Mate you gave us a scare!" Bandit said looking at his son. "What happened?" Thomas asked. "You had a panic attack and you were dehydrated," the doctor said walking in with Thomas's charts. "Panic attack?" Thomas asked. "Yes, is there something on your mind? Maybe trouble at school? Or at home?" The doctor asked. "Hey! There's nothing going on at home! My son is very happy at home," Bandit protested. "I'm just trying to get the facts Mr. Heeler, panic attacks can stern from any worry, for much little or insignificant it may look" The doctor said looking to Bandit. "Mom," Thomas whispered to himself. "What was that?" The doctor asked Thomas.
"My Mom passed away a few months ago," Thomas answerd not looking at the doctor. "Have you had someone to talk about with it," the doctor asked. "Yeah! He has me!" Bandit spoke up. "Dad we haven't talked about it in a while," Thomas added. "Well then, we can get you someone to talk to and maybe some anti-depressants," The doctor said, writing it down in her charts. "He doesn't need that!" Bandit protested again. "Mr. Heeler we just want the best for your son right now," the doctor said looking at Bandit. "It's okay, dad, let the doctor do his job," Thomas said, with a soft voice. "Okay, I think we'll have you under observation for a few more hours and then you can go home, I'll also prescribe an anti-depressant for you to take for the next days," the doctor said, putting down the charts and getting out afterwards.
"Doctors… am I right?" Bandit said to his son, in a way to cheer his son up. But he saw that it wasn't working. "You know you can tell me anything, right, mate?" Bandit asked. "I know, dad, but… I just don't want to burden you with my problems," Thomas told. "Burden me? Thomas, your problems are my problems too, I'm your dad and that's a job for life, a job that includes being there for the children, a job I will always be glad to take," Bandit said. Thomas got surprise by that speech of his dad and that only gave him the courage to tell him some of his worries.
"Last night I… had this nightmare… about mom," Thomas told. "Oh… and let me guess, you couldn't get it out of your head" Bandit said. "How do you know that?" Thomas asked. "I used to have the same nightmares… when she… you know…" Bandit confessed. "Really? But… you always seemed… okay with everything" Thomas commented. "I had Chilli to support me, and your sisters managed always to cheer me up," Bandit replied. "That's what I've always tried to do with you ever since you came to live with me, but I guess that put your worries aside is not the same thing as solving them" Bandit continued. "So, I just want you to know, Thomas, I'll always be here for you, no matter what… to listen and to give comfort." Those words made Thomas smile. "Thanks dad…" he replied. "But… can it be later, right now I'm a little tired" the son said to his father. "Of course, son," Bandit replied, while he watched his son close his eyes and sleep.
Later, while Bandit tried to rest a bit, he heard someone knock at the open door. He turned and saw Chilli. "Hey…" she said. "Hey babe… Where are the girls?" Bandit asked. "At Stripe's… They are very worried about Thomas, how is he?" Chilli asked. "Doctor said he had a panic attack," Bandit replied, with a heavy voice. "Let me guess, it was Emily, right?" Chilli asked. Bandit sighed. "What kind of father am I, Chilli? How could have I let this happen?" Bandit asked. "It's not your fault, Bandit" Chilli said, while putting a hand on his shoulder. "Yes, it is… I should have talked to him more often about Emily, but all I did was mentioning her here and there… I thought that making him focus on something else would help, but…" Bandit started, trying to find more words to say, but unable to.
"You did everything you could have done," Chilli said. "But it was not enough… just like last time," Bandit said, getting up and leaning against the wall, next to the window and looking through the glass. "Last time?" Chilli asked. Bandit sighed, as Chilli approached him and put her arms around his shoulder. "This is not Thomas' first panic attack, he had another… not long after the divorce," he told. "I had moved out and Emily and I were almost arguing over Thomas' custody… The guilt I felt when I saw my little boy on a hospital bed because of my issues with Emily… I never felt anything like it, maybe it was because of that I started to distance myself from him," Bandit told.
Years ago…
"You're not taking my son across the world to live with you!" Emily said at her ex-husband. "He needs his father in his life and he's my son too!" Bandit shouted back. "Then move down town and not Australia!" Emily said walking into her kitchen and Bandit following her there. "I got a job down there, a good paying one and he'll have a better life closer to family," Bandit argued. Emily couldn't believe the nerve her ex had to say about family. "And what about my family? My mom and dad and brother? When will they see him Bandit? When will I see my son!" Emily shouted.
Thomas was in his room trying to play with toys but couldn't since the only thing he could do was hearing his parents fight getting worse. "You're not taking my son away!" Emily shouted trying to hit her ex. "Emily stop!" Bandit said trying to stop his ex-wife from hitting him. "Stop it both of you!" Thomas cried from the hallway. His parents both stopped fighting and looked to their son who was still standing in the hallway. "I want to be with both of you!" Thomas cried out loud as he ran to both of parents and hugged them both. "You love each other, don't you?" Thomas asked still hugging both paretns with tears in his eyes. Bandit looked at Emily with his ears down and then looked down at his son. "Son, we can't live together anymore," Bandit said getting down to Thomas's level. "Why? You love mom don't you!" Thomas shouted, now breathing hard.
"Honey," Emily said also getting down to her son's level. "Sometimes mommies and daddies just don't get along anymore, and…" Emily said rubbing her son's arm trying to calm him down. "No, I hate you both!" Thomas shouted as he tried to ran away from both of them, only to feel a sudden weakness on his legs, as if they were too heavy to even support him, causing him to fell to the ground, breathing really hard and unable speak, as if something prevented the air from passing through. "Thomas? Mate?" Bandit asked picking up his son. Thomas couldn't breathe and could only see his surroundings spinning around. "We need to get to the hospital now!" Emily said as she and Bandit rushed to the hospital.
Once at the hospital Bandit and Emily both talked outside in the Hall with the doctor, while Thomas was resting on his bed. "Your son suffered a mild panic attack, is there something going on at home or school…" the doctor started to ask. "We just got a divorce mate," Bandit said, looking then to Emily. "Yeah we did and we're arguing over custody… that must have stressed him out," Emily said looking at her little boy sleeping. "I see, have you discussed a weekends plan?" The doctor asked. Emily chuckled turning away from the doctor. "Something funny, mam?" The doctor asked.
"No it's nothing, he's just moving back all the way to Australia and wants to take my son-" Emily started to say until Bandit interrupted her. "Our son!" he corrected. "Our son, sorry, home with him," Emily explained. "Looks like you have some talking to do," the doctor said before leaving to check on Thomas. Bandit let out a sigh of some relief. "Doctors am I right Emily?" Bandit joked. "Bandit don't joke, not now" Emily said, looking at her son through the window. There was a silence between them and, during it, Bandit tried to find a proper solution to their problem.
"Maybe we can split the year in half, you can have him for half of the school year and I get him for the second half… or you get him for the school year and I have him for the summer, which would be my winter, and we can split the school breaks too…" Bandit said rubbing the back of his neck. Emily chuckled, wiping her tears away. "I can't believe I wanted another baby you," Emily said crossing her arms. "What's that supposed to mean Em?" Bandit asked. "Would you have wanted to split the siblings up if it were to happen?" Emily looking to Bandit. "No I wouldn't," Bandit said looking to his son in the hospital bed. "I mean he already hates us," Emily said sitting down. Seeing Emily like that, Bandit intended to comfort her, when suddenly his phone buzzed with an alert for a text message. Checking it out, he saw it was a message from his brother Stripe.
Stripe
Is Thomas okay? How's Emily?"
Bandit
……
Bandit
He's okay… he had a mild panic attack. And she is fine.
Stripe
……
Stripe
Good keep us updated!
"Who's that your girlfriend?" Emily chuckled. "My brother thank you very much," Bandit said looking up at Emily. She just laughed and shook her head. "If you do find someone I'll be happy for you," Emily said looking to Bandit. That caused him to look at her, thinking she was being sarcastic, but noticed her words were being genuine. "You really mean that?" Bandit asked. Emily nodded, "Just because we didn't end up happy, it doesn't mean we don't deserve happiness down the road," Emily said with a warming smile. Bandit couldn't help but release a chuckle. "You're really something else, Em…" he said.
(Present Day)
"After that, I decided it was for the best if Thomas remained with Emily, I realized if I took him with me I would be taking him out of his roots…" Bandit said. "Oh Bandit… I had no idea," Chilli said, while hugging her husband. "This is not something I like to share, that I hurt my son in ways that go beyond simple alienation," Bandit told. Chilli turned Bandit so he could face her. "You're a good father, Bandit Heeler, don't ever doubt that for a second, you abdicated years with your son, you let him be angry with you, so he wouldn't be separated from his mother and have his life upside down," Chilli told. "You don't have to say that just to make me feel better, Chilli" Bandit said. "But I'm not, I'm just saying the truth," Chilli said, with that serious voice of her.
Bandit couldn't help but release a chuckle. "What is it?" Chilli asked. "Just remembering what Emily told me, that even if we two didn't end up happy together, it didn't mean we don't deserve happiness down road," Bandit said. "I didn't get to know her well, but she seems to have been someone special," Chilli commented. "Yeah… I'm still uncertain about the 'deserve' part, but I can't deny I did find happiness… and part of it, I have Emily to thank for, because she gave me one of greatest gifts I could ever ask for," Bandit said, looking then to Thomas. "If only I could help him with his grief better," Bandit added.
Chilli was able to detect her husband's concern. "Children don't share everything with their parents, no matter the trust they have for each other, I say that for experience," Chilli said. "You're talking about your mother, right?" Bandit asked. "I lost her when I was still little, so I can't understand all the pain Thomas is feeling, but I still miss her, but back then I kept all that to myself because I didn't want to upset my father… but bottling up all those emotions can only result in an explosion of pain that affects not only the mind, but also the body," Chilli said.
"So, what do you thing we should do about Thomas to help him, get him professional help?" Bandit asked. "Maybe that's the best course of action, that way he would be able to express his feelings without fearing of hurting someone or being censored for, and he would regain control on himself again," Chilli said. "I don't know if he will agree to that," Bandit said. "Who knows, maybe he will, people are full of surprises after all," Chilli replied.
Little did they know that Thomas had been hearing their talk all along, while pretending to sleep. Hearing what his father really felt when he left him and his mother made him finally understand how much he really loved him, that, during all that time, he had been always in his mind. There was also what Chilli said, and he couldn't believe that they actually had something in common, that she would be the one to understand in part what he was feeling. All that caused him to drop a tear, created by his happiness for having the family that he had.
Kodiwolf321 A/N: I've dealt with anxiety and panic attacks before so I know the feeling of what Thomas is going through and all you want to do is be normal I'm glad me and Rakoon1 took the time to create this chapter and for what it stands for. I means divorce Is one thing on kid and then losing a parent is another thing for a kid and Thomas is only sixteen. I understand that because I lost my mom at sixteen and now I'm 23. So I guess me telling this story with Rakoon1 is like showing a piece of my life with you only not really lol but I hope you enjoyed this chapter because there is still more to come soon