She stopped off in her room first as a means to flounder, and brush her teeth before making her way to Thorins study, where she imagined he was fuming over her inability to be obedient.
It was a very quick stop off, but just as she was about to walk out of the large door, she noticed a small white envelope which had been pushed underneath. Surprised, she picked it up without hesitating. It was light. Turning the envelope over and spotting no clues as to who it was from, she carefully opened it. Inside was an old Polaroid photo wrapped in a folded note.
Written in neat cursive, the note read:
A photo of Marina.
(Forgive me – I was unable to find one of just her)
D xx
Bracing herself, she unwrapped the note to reveal the Polaroid of Thorin and Marina together. They both looked young. And very happy. Thorin looked undeniably younger, before his features had become weathered by calamity, stress and responsibility. There was no dour, or morose appearance, but a boyish grin on his youthful face instead. She had seen that smile a few times in Fiji, when they were together and alone, or when he had found her in his arms. But seeing him like that with someone else had been a lot harder for her to stomach than she expected.
And then she noticed Marina, with her striking features, bright emerald eyes, and fiery copper hair, the woman was unmistakably the same one who had captured her and tormented her with utter cruelty not so long ago! Sure the military woman now looked a little older. But there was no mistaking her.
Realising the implications at first she clutched onto her chest with a free hand as she tried to steady her frantic heartbeat.
A wave of nausea passed through her, forcing her hand down to her belly, almost like she was trying to protect their unborn child. Quickly, she folded the note paper around the photo, just as it had been delivered, hid it in a drawer, and set off towards Thorins study. She had several difficult conversations to have with him, but 'difficult' was not something she shied away from.
She moved with speed and purpose, first to Thorins study, where she found the room very much empty. And so she moved on to the next possible location she might find him – his large bedroom.
This time when she knocked, his answer was very clear.
"Shobha? Is that you? Just wait outside for a minute please…" it was as though he was expecting her!
"Um… okay…" her heart pounded in anticipation of each of the two conversations she was to have with him, as she mentally decided in those final moments that she would reveal the pregnancy first. "Ugh… come on… I can do this…"
Then as she panicked, with the possibility that he wouldn't want the baby afterall, and her head swilled with eventuality that she just might end up alone in all this, the large bedroom door opened, to reveal him.
"Sorry, my Lady, but I want to show you something." He smiled one of his genuine wholehearted smiles, that made her stomach flip and her mind go blank for a second. Holding his hand out to her, he didn't give her enough time before pulling her into the room and suddenly covering her eyes from behind. "No peering… can you see through my fingers?"
"No –"
"Right, slowly move this way…" he gently guided her bodily, before coming to an abrupt stop and slowly removing his hands. "Surprise…"
Blinking in surprise, she looked around the room, where he had not turned on the lamps around the room despite the early setting sun in December.
Instead, there was a ladder still arranged by the grand four poster bed, where he had been hanging up Garland after garland of fairly lights! It looked like several hundred fireflies had landed around the bed,
"So, do you like it?" He asked worried a little.
"Oh it's beautiful!" She smiled back nervously.
"Shobha, hear me out please… I know that we have had a difficult few weeks recently, and I have almost kept you locked away in a fancy tower, and I haven't always given you enough time. Particularly not since I began to spend time with my son, but finding out about Thorin Stonehelm, was one of the best things that happened to me!"
He paused for a moment, observing her to make sure she didn't look so distracted as she had been in the past.
"But, these few weeks have made me realise how brief and impermanent life can be…" he carried on. "And talking to Thorin today, I realised that I let Marina slip right through my fingers. While I can't correct the mistakes of the past, thinking about her made me see that I can try to make sure I don't repeat those mistakes again…"
She frowned, trying to understand what he meant. It all sounded like what he wanted to say to Marina – not her! And then he knelt down on one knee.
"So thinking of her made me see that I shouldn't let you slip by either…" then to her horror he pulled out a small deep blue velvet box and opened it to reveal an incredibly shiny diamond ring! "So… will you marry me?"
Anger and irritation pulsed through her, as she replayed his clumsy words, and with each pounding heartbeat, her rage grew until she neither cared nor desired to share any of what she had planned to do.
"So… let me get this right; YOU made a mistake letting your Ex go – or so you are led to believe; And therefore you want to marry ME?" She riled. "Well – forgive me for not being giddy with excitement at that but I think I would rather stick forks in my eyeballs, and spoons in my ears and go 'ling-a-ling-a-loo' rather than say yes to that!"
And so finally exhausted by it all, and quite fed up – but unwilling to let him see the hot tears threatening to spill out, she turned sharply on her heels and marched out leaving him entirely gobsmacked, and slack-jawed, as though he had just unsuspectingly stepped in the path of a juggernaut.
…
After finally reaching the safety of her room, and locking the door, she fell on top of the giant, soft duvet on her bed, letting all her tears flow freely until she was too exhausted to cry anymore.
She didnt want him to come grovelling that night, or to try and rectify his ill-chosen words. No, tonight she wanted peace and time to herself - to figure out what she was going to do.
...
Dwalin scoured the doctors office scowling. She was often late, the trait of someone who was unable to say 'no' and so inevitably had an extra patient or two leading to an expected delay. Truth was that he had grown a little fond of her - and he didn't mind waiting for her, because he got to drive her home.
He berated himself for growing soft in his old-age. But now that he knew about her 'situation', he found himself even more protective of her. It had only been a week since he picked her up from the Blue Isles, but she had seemed adamant to tell Thorin then, although there had been no trace of such a conversation between them.
He expected the man he regarded like a brother and a best friend to have done the right thing and proposed to this girl by now if he had indeed come to know. But there was no evidence of Thorin having proposed to her, or of her having accepted him.
Now he worried about why she was much later than usual! He knew this was her clinic day and so made his way over to the clinic rooms in the infirmary to look for her and then spotted Oin sitting in a dark room waiting by a glowing screen and machine.
"Och Master Oin! Have ye seen the lassie -" Dwalin burst into the room unceremoniously.
"Aye. She just popped to the break room to drink another glass-o-water before I check her out -"
"Eh? Is everything alright?!" He was unable to keep the panic from his voice at the prospect that she or the babe had come to harm.
"What?" Oin repeated unusually loudly, screwing up his face and holding his hand to his ear. "Has she gone for a fight? No! Just to get some water!"
Then Dwalin realised the old healer had taken his hearing aids out.
"No! Oin - ya deaf old coot!" Dwalin grumbled loudly before shouting. "IS THE LASS ALRIGHT?!"
All he wanted to know was where she had gone to!
"Her ass is tight?" The old healer smirked at him, wagging his finger mockingly. "Aye. But Thorins a jealous man so dont let him catch ya looking, ya dim-witted turd."
Dwalin swore in Khuzdul before turning back to leave in order to look for her when Oin stopped him.
"Dont need to go looking for her laddie," Oin chuckled at first before looking slightly worried. "A bit more water in her bladder helps to see better on the ultrasound - yer not the father are ya?!"
"What?! No!" Dwalin spun back around, his heart sinking at the possibility that Thorin could have rejected the babe for being conceived out of wedlock. He couldn't imagine his friend doing this, but he also couldnt imagine what explanation could warrant her going through this alone.
"Oh! Dwalin! Youre here to pick me up?" Shobha suddenly appeared in the doorway looking a bit caught off guard. She moved into the room shyly this time. "Um... I'm kind of getting an ultrasound done..."
"On yer own lass?" He double checked, as Oin turned around to fiddle with his machine.
She nodded, making her way over to the examination couch and laying down. Explaining her attempt to tell Thorin would mean she would have to reveal his strangely clumsy proposal. Part of her felt silly for having reacted that way. But at the same time it was more about Marina and less about her. And she had no intention of being part of a three way marriage!
Dwalin had enough sensitivity not to push further, and turned to leave.
"Wait, please could you stay with me...?" She asked quietly.
Careful not to make a fuss about it, despite being overjoyed to have been invited to share such an intimate moment he quietly took the seat beside her couch.
Oin had already begun placing the probe from the machine on her abdomen.
At first she watched the empty screen and then looked away nervous until the old healer had found what he was looking for. But she immediately found a comforting hand.
"It will be fine lass." Dwalin whispered giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
"There we go!" Oin smiled pointing to rhe screen. "Still a little blob like thingy... But perfectly healthy. And I would say about six weeks along too..."
"Amazing!" Dwalin watched her stare at the screen with a faint smile on her lips in awe. "That little blob is going to turn into a baby!"
"So lass... Does he know?" Oin replaced the probe in the machine and gave her a tissue to wipe the gel off her stomach.
"I... Tried to tell him... But things are a bit complicated at the moment."
"Och! That hair-brained fool has gone all soppy about having a kid he knew nothing about -" Dwalin complained.
"If that is even his son." Oin added clearing up as Shobha adjusted her clothing and sat up on the couch.
"He thinks the sun shines out of her dead arse. But she was no saint." Dwalin groaned uneasy about his friends choices. "We all know that. But he has gone soft in the head..."
"Look, I need to tell you something. And it will sound crazy but I know Thorin won't believe me..."
"Go on lass..."
"I think Marina is alive." There was no other way to say it, so she cut to the point. "The woman who headed the military group, she has red hair and these bright green eyes... And the things she said to me... She is really out for revenge or to take over Erebor..."
"Well that sounds like Marina..." Dwalin observed her carefully letting her explain herself.
"So I asked Dis for an old photo... And she dropped one off for me - and I am absolutely certain it is her - older now - but still her!"
Dwalin fell silent for a moment, worry flashing across his rugged features for a few seconds.
"Ye said she was the one who attacked ye in Dale?" Dwalin finally replied.
"Yeah! But I swear she was turning into a werewolf -"
"That cannot be."
"Why not?" Oin stepped in putting his hearing aids back on. "There have been lassies who have changed before in our history -"
"Just legend..."
"I don't think so." Oin shook his head. "Just because ye haven't seen it. Won't mean it's not possible."
"I will get some of Nori's men to scout around for clues. But I have heard of reports of a new werewolf spotted on our borders with mirkwood." Dwalin reassured her again.
She nodded grateful, at least he was taking her seriously.
"So what are ye gonna do about having the babe?" Oin patted her arm reassuringly. "Ye know we are all here for ya right? I mean a babe in our community is a great blessing."
"I haven't figured it out yet. I have decided I dont need Thorin to do this. But at the same time I am scared of doing this alone..." She sighed. "I havent told my parents yet but I think they will help me..."
"We would all help ye look after the bairn ye know..." Dwalin reiterated, vowing to speak with Thorin at the next opportunity about having a conversation with her.
She smiled at him. He really was a big softie underneath all those tattoos and frowns.
"Thank you Uncle Dwalin..."
In return Dwalin gave her a large bearhug.
"Aye lass - lets get ye home now..."
...
It had been nearly a week since they had spoken to one another. She had been worried about hiding her morning sickness, while his pride had been severely bruised.
Everytime she had attempted to talk to him at dinner or breakfast, he had often been somewhat frosty towards her, or his attention taken by Thorin Stonehelm.
So when he had invited her to his office, she found herself surprised and a bit nervous.
She stood outside his door wondering what this could be about. She lifted her hand up to knock and then paused.
What if he had figured out that she was pregnant?
Taking a step back from the door she took another deep breath. It was not the way she wanted him to find out. But she was no longer sure how to let him know. And she certainly didn't want him to marry her out of some sense of duty!
Sighing again she lifted her hand up to knock and then paused.
Suddenly the door opened, sparing her from her never ending quandary and Thorin stood in the doorway.
"How long did you intend to stand there, my lady?"
"Oh! I - wasn't..." She lowered her hand startled.
"The doors are thick, and I maybe old, but my hearing is better than you think." He clasped his hands behind his back as he walked over to his large desk. "I know you've been there for a while..."
"Oh."
He turned around unexpectedly, his cold blue eyes gazed upon her with some sadness. It made her own heart ache to hold him. But her affection for him was not enough. If he held a flame for a past love in his heart, then she had no desire to allow herself of her unborn child to be cast aside into second place.
So she calmly remained by the closed door waiting to hear him out.
"Do you find me so repulsive now my lady?" He looked pained, and tired - as if he had not been sleeping well. "For the sake of one mistake? A past which cannot be changed..."
He stepped closer to her.
"I can't go through this again Thorin. I have given you the space and time you need to figure things out." She replied sadly. "There is no repulsion."
What she couldn't say was that the time he had was limited. She would wait for him to tell her how he felt first before letting him know that she was pregnant with his child. And that meant that if he was still hung up on Marina by the time her current clothes got tight, then she would leave Erebor.
"But you do not wish to forgive me..?" He walked closer still, as though he was approaching a jittery baby animal.
"There is nothing to forgive. You need to figure out how you feel... It isn't your fault if you are still in love with someone else."
He walked closer still until he was towering over her and reached out to touch her face - her soft cheeks, framed by her long flowing jet hair which cascaded down her shoulders. It instantly took him back to the memories of having her naked in his arms; her warm brown skin against his, her big doe eyes watching him, usually with an amused smile, her hair just barely covering her breasts, as though teasing him to brush her locks aside to reveal her delicious chocolate tipped peaks.
But he paused. After crushing him so, unless he was invited he would not touch her, even if his entire being begged and pleaded for it.
"If that is what you think, then you are most deluded my lady." He stepped back and then turned to return back to the safety of his desk.
"We need to talk Thorin." She sighed realising they both clearly had issues communicating. And neither appeared to be reading the other well.
"Aye. The hospital board and Oin all have requested that you stay here... In Erebor..." He spoke with his back still turned to her as he looked at his desk. "Of course the final word is yours and mine."
He picked up a contract sitting on his desk and handed it to her. This time he didn't break eye contact, as his fingers brushed her hand, bringing back memories to her of how exquisite his hands felt, as they roamed freely all over her skin.
Seeing her favourable reaction, he let his hand linger on hers.
"I meant it with all my heart when I told you that I love you." He moved closer. "Is there no way we can try again?"
"I..." She fell silent for a moment. "And this?"
She gestured towards the contract papers she held.
"I have signed them. I would like you to stay. But I have some conditions for that..." He searched her face for any signs of curiosity, the corner of his mouth twitching in response to her interest. "You move your things to live with me. So you cannot have the option of running away from me and avoiding me when things get hard..."
"Oh." She looked up at him, his cold eyes clearly awaiting her response with great anticipation. "Okay. I just think that you may need some time to figure things out. So I can sort of move in with you. And have my old room for some nights."
"You keep running away from me..." He sighed again, this time he reached out slowly and cupped her chin.
"You need to know that I saw Marina at the military base -"
"What do you mean?" He frowned moving back to look at her face carefully. It was as though an urgency had developed in his head. "Is she in trouble? We need to rescue her! Why did you not tell me before -"
"No. You're not listening to me Thorin - she was the leading military person. She forced me to recover the arkenstone. She forced me to watch your alpha tortured like an animal..."
"It cannot be. How could you know -"
"I asked Dis for an old photo. And I promise it's her." She clutched onto his chest desperate to make him listen.
"It could be someone who looks similar. Maybe your mind wishes to see the resemblance..." He wrapped his arms around her attempting to reassure her. But even he couldn't dismiss the uneasy feeling that was growing within him. "If she was alive, why would she not see her own son? Or see me or Dain?"
"Why are you doing this? And dismissing what I am saying?" She complained looking up at him.
"Why do you continue to insist on this?" He shook his head. "She was not perfect when she lived. But I will speak ill of the dead - or the mother of my only son. And perhaps it is you that must make peace with this whole situation..?"
She sighed. Dwalin was right. Attempting to make him see otherwise without real evidence was foolish.
He smiled gently at her, satisfied that he had convinced her.
"I like it when you get jealous though..." He cupped her chin and tilting her head up pressed a chaste kiss to her lips gently. "Why don't we just forget all this madness and go back to the way things were before? I know you find the idea of marrying me appalling at the moment... So just wear my ring. Just be mine for now?"
She looked up into his eyes and found her resolve weakening.
"And let us go to the Yule ball together... Which is why I would prefer to introduce you as my betrothed rather than as being just your suitor." He pulled her in a little tighter against his body and smiled as she nodded.
"But what if I am right. And things go wrong..." She whispered against her melting defences. "What if you feel differently about me..."
"I am in love with you. And I will always be..." He confessed the truth, hoping she would see this. "This will never change. I will always want you."
...
The next week had flown by in a flash of posting out Christmas presents, morning sickness, work, and home visits to sick patients.
Thorin had made more of an effort to spend time with her. But they were not back to the way things were when they had spent time together in Fiji.
She had returned to spending nights in his room, but she had left most of her things in her room still. Things didn't feel right.
Reaching for the bottle of perfume on her dressing table she knocked off a pile of papers and her phone.
Reaching down she gathered up the papers to find her contract paperwork sitting at the very top of the pile. It was an ugly reminder of the impending deadline to make a choice.
And neither of her options were great: She could either stay, and live with Thorin in a strange half hearted relationship, with the possibility that Marina might walk in any day sending everything into an uncontrollable downward spiral. Particularly since Thorin saw no wrong in her. Or she could leave Erebor, and once again uproot the life she had built with the close friends she had made around her. It would mean going back home to her parents.
Setting the papers back on the edge of her dressing table, she stared in the mirror. Dwalin was right, her face had already filled out. It made her look strangely younger.
Then reaching over she set the strange costume headdress on the crown of her head. Dis had reminded her last minute that the Yule ball required a fancy dress. The least figure hugging costume available in the little shop in Dale had been the Cleopatra costume. It was a gold, bedazzled number with a a flowing tunic and an adjustable belt. Most importantly it was best choice for a last minute thing and didn't look too tacky.
Her reflection stared back at her quite unimpressed. Despite looking a little more youthful, her eyes looked heavy and tired. Although how much anyone would notice beyond the heavy glittery blue and gold eye makeup and black eyeliner was anyone's guess!
There was a gentle knock on the door.
"Shobha, are you ready?"
It was Thorin.
"No! Don't come in! Wait till I have my full costume on!" She shouted through the door, hearing him swear in Khuzdul before replying.
"I am sure it will be perfect but it's not a wedding -"
"No! Give me TEN minutes!" She laughed calling back. "If you are getting late - then go and I will join you soon enough."
He grumbled a bit more at first before giving in.
"Very well, my lady, but if you don't join us in ten minutes I will send Dwalin over to pick you up. I want you to join me first before you start talking to anyone else..." He concluded, muttering again to himself and finally walking away.
She sighed in relief again before looking at her reflection again, irritated by the look of uncertainty that she found on her own face!
"You have no idea what you're doing have you? You silly silly girl! Why couldn't you have just put a condom on him instead of leaving him to do it?!" She grumbled. "Now you are both in trouble because of one little night of insanely amazing sex... Over and over.. and over again!"
Her eyes finally caught the deep blue velvet box that stuck out on her dressing table like a sore thumb.
Sighing she opened the box, stared at the hateful ring that would always remind her of his clumsy proposal involving his ex! She had agreed to wear it tonight when they would finally be seen by everyone together. And reluctantly she had agreed to be introduced as his betrothed.
Resigned she reached out and plucked it out of it's safe place to slip it onto her ring finger. And he had selected a perfect design of several simple but still very bling stones, which were exactly the right size for her small hands.
Finally she picked out her bright red lipstick and applied it on her lips, when her thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of her phone.
Reaching over she looked at the text message. It was from Brett, her old friend from Texas!
'Hi Honey, hope you're doing good. I tried calling y'all but couldn't get through. So sent you an email instead. Got a little project you might be interested in - check your messages and let me know what you think. Excited to hear back from ya. B x'
Excited she immediately opened her email on her phone and began to read.
...
She stood at the entrance to the grand banquet hall in Durin Manor. At first the noisy crowds and the music made it hard for her to spot Thorin but she soon spotted him.
As she slowly walked in, her long Egyptian Queens dress trailing behind, the many guests paused to stare at her. Each small group cleared the way, one after another such that a clear path formed through the thick crowds for her to cross.
Feeling very nervous and self conscious, she slowly made her way through the crowd towards Thorin, who himself was now staring at her himself, his jaw slightly open, with a look of surprise and horror.
It made her wonder whether her pregnancy was already showing!
Subconsciously smoothing her dress over her abdomen, she hurried her pace along to join Thorin, who stood chatting with Dwalin, Dis, Bilbo and the very tall Gandalf.
As she glanced from one face to another, each looked a little surprised with the exception of Gandalf and Bilbo who stood beaming at her entrance.
"My dear, a pleasure to see you again..." Gandalf, dressed as a wizard, was the first to greet her followed by Bilbo who was dressed like a Roman general.
"Oooh, maybe I could be the Mark Anthony to your Cleo, my dear?" Bilbo have her a warm hug.
"It's nice to see you both!" She replied back laughing. "I was feeling very self conscious... Was it just me or were there people staring?"
Thorin was quick to move across to her before either could answer, wrapping an arm around her waist possessively before kissing her quite firmly.
"At least you have joined us. That is what matters." He whispered in her ear before running his arm along hers and lifting her hand up so that everyone in the group could see her ring. "So it's official then.."
"Oh congratulations my dear! You were always like family anyway!" Dis leant over to give her a big hug. "And don't worry about anything Thorin says - you couldn't have possibly known..."
"Known about what -"
"Och! Ya did it at last laddie!" Dwalin chuckled patting Thorin on the back and giving her a little peck on the cheek. "Ye're gonna disappoint a lot of eligible bachelors when they see that ring tonight lass!"
"Well, now we have everyone here, we had better open the dance floor." He grabbed her hand and pulled her along.
"Ow! That's a bit firm!" She protested as he spun her around before pulling her against his body hard and pressing her small frame to his. But before she could push away the music had begun and they were off. "Thorin?"
"Just smile. This is what you wanted wasn't it?" Thorin ground the words out, despite the false smile he wore. "The attention you so crave! To make a point about Marina..."
"What?" She blinked as he twirled her away and pulled her back in against him hard again. "I am not enjoying this at all... And I wanted nothing -"
"Nothing but to make your point right?" He growled in her ear as he dipped her low and pulled her back up.
She fell silent, starting to feel queasy from all his spinning and twirling. The best she could do was to concentrate on not vomiting all over him!
Hoping the song would soon come to an end she resigned herself to remaining silent and following as he led. Soon she simply closed her eyes and leant against him, allowing him to throw her about as he pleased.
"May I have this dance Uncle?" A quiet voice cut in suddenly.
She opened her eyes to find Fili holding out a hand.
At first Thorin hesitated, but then thought better of it given the crowds watching.
"Just one dance, and then I need her back Fili." He barked before disappearing to talk with Dain, who stood nearby looking quite red faced about something.
"I thought you looked like you could use a break... Some gentler dancing?" Fili whispered, holding her gently against him.
"Yeah... Thanks Fili." She sighed finally able to relax a bit more. "Was it really obvious -"
"Oh no! Anyone else would have thought you were both having a whale of a time. But I know you, my lady." He revealed with a chuckle.
"Apparently, I can't do anything right at the moment." She admitted feeling a little fed up of it all. "Thing is I had no intention of coming tonight, and should have been on my way home for the Christmas break."
"Well we are all glad you stayed. It wouldn't be the same without you." He moved with her gently.
"Is there something odd about what I am wearing or... Something broken..."
"Well... You look stunning..." Fili flashed her a smile. "Very much like a Queen. That's probably why.."
She could feel her cheeks flushing.
"Just keep looking at me or any of the many other people who love and adore you... And to hell with anyone who wants to stare." He replied as he gently spun her around.
But soon the song had come to an end and a very morose Thorin stood by him once again, demanding her company.
"Really... If you have official things to do..." She looked around the room to spot so many people staring at them as Thorin took her hand gently but firmly. So many faces, mostly new visitors, she imagined from the Iron Hills, made her head spin.
"No, my lady... You have my fullest attention..." He managed through gritted teeth as he tugged her along. Taking her away from the crowd he hurried her away from the banquet hall and back towards their room.
"What are you doing Thorin?" She attempted to free her wrist but found his iron fisted grip still keeping firm hold of her.
"What AM I DOING?" He grunted pulling her into their bedroom. "More like what ARE YOU doing?! Although I say that you were fully aware of what you were doing..."
He finally pushed her forward before shutting the door, while she sat heavily on his bed.
"How dare you dress in that?!" He barked. "Are you drunk? Or have you finally lost it...?"
"I... I don't understand..." She cried.
"Marina dressed up exactly like this! That was her last Yule ball after she first married Dain!" Thorin sounded livid. "And the thing is, your costume is almost exactly the same -"
"Oh my God! I - I - didn't know.." she stuttered feeling awful. "I'm so so sorry! I'm sorry! I swear I had no idea -"
"I thought you had seen photos of her?" He ground the words out.
"Just one old one. Of you and her -"
"And you are adamant you saw her based on one photo from the past?" He scoffed angrily turning away from her. "Is this the reason your costume was a 'big surprise' - because you are getting your back at Dain for what he did to you?"
"No! But its a very clear picture, and I am telling you she has aged well. It's as obvious as day that it was the same person! And she still had the tattoo on her neck." She repeated quietly. It had come as a surprise that Dain had been invited after everything he had done not just to Thorin but to Fili and Kili as well. But she imagined Thorin was attempting to stay civil for the sake of Stonehelm and the complicated relationship they now shared.
"I will deal with Dain, for what he did to you. In my own time. But for now if the Iron Hills people think their is discord between us, there could be an attempt to take over from him." Thorin paced up and down the room in front of her now still clearly fuming. "For Mahals sake woman if you planned something like this then you should have at least told me? There is a picture of her in his Manor - a grand portrait and she is wearing almost exactly what you are!"
"I... I haven't been there..."
"But you were dressed that day -"
"They drugged me. And those awful people - Dains cronies or Dain - God knows who - dressed me up. I was wearing that stupid thing when I came to!" She replied back, her eyes filling with tears. It had felt like an utter violation at the time. "I explained this to you!"
Thorin fell silent walking closer to her, his cold eyes surveying her. It felt like he was trying to make up his mind whether she was lying.
"And you are STILL convinced she is alive?" He asked coldly.
"Yes."
"So that is why you behave this way? You think I still might reconcile with her?"
"No - I KNOW that in your heart she is the love of your life. The one that got away -"
"She is still married to Dain!" He growled.
"Oh please - he would let her go, knowing how you felt and for the sake of the son he raised!" She spoke up this time, her own anger and frustration showing. "And you are a fool if you can't see it. Because THAT is how you have been treating me - and everyone else! And it's fine, if it were temporary while you are still adjusting. But I know you now Thorin - and I know this is how things will be forever more. I will always take second place."
"You are such a spoilt child Shobha! Of course Stonehelm takes first place - he is my son! And I have had no connection with him all his life! We are just making up for this!" His voice was louder now. "But I thought you would understand that! Instead of demanding attention all the time -"
"I haven't demanded you attention!"
"Aye? What was running off to the Blue Isle then? And going off to Dale with the Vampire? Refusing to sign the contract - keeping everyone on edge?"
"You had planned things with me on those two weekends and instead of planning something else around this - you cancelled our plans. What do you expect me to do? Sit at home and WAIT?" Tears escaped from her eyes now, so she turned away wiping them quickly so he wouldn't see. "I mean how certain are you that Stonehelm IS your son?"
"I know! You expect me to proove if to you?" He snarled at her.
"No. But I thought if you want me to marry you... Or share your life then you might want to hear my opinion...?" She realised that even if she shared his life, they would still have very seperate lives too. And this would be forever more for her and her child. "But I am clear now about where I stand."
"No you are not clear!" He snapped again pacing up and down. "You are spoilt and thinking only of yourself in this -"
"Actually Thorin, I am thinking of YOU. Because Marina told me at the military base, that she hated you all. She certainly mentioned nothing of a child -"
"Ugh this again woman! That is because the woman you met was not Marina!" He hissed coming closer to her and looking at her carefully again. "This was all a mistake - bringing you here. Opening up to you..."
"Tell me Thorin, if Marina walked in tomorrow, that you wouldn't want to try to make things work with her?"
"Is this what this is about? Jealousy?"
"No! It's so that I know where I stand Thorin... What if we had a child? You would expect us to put life on hold while you spent quality time with a grown man, who some woman that ran off claimed to be YOUR son - just to make up for lost time?" She bit back her tears one last time. Her chest felt tight from the heartache and it was getting worse with each word he spoke.
"You wouldn't have a child - because you ARE a child!" He snarled at her, his fists balled either side of him. "No! You wouldn't have a child other than to TRAP me forever! It's bad enough that you have this effect on me like no other!"
She moved away from him, the pain in her chest made her want to fall to the floor but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Instead she was determined to walk out of here.
But he began to walk away, and towards the door.
"Don't come back to the ball for tonight. And get out of that immediately!" He commanded not even looking at her as he left.
She stood there, her heart broken in a million pieces again, but this time the pain felt worse, because she knew now without utter certainty that she had loved Thorin. And her love would live on in this baby that was growing inside her every day.
After what felt like an age of standing there, she walked out into the corridor. It felt like she had no choice.
But as she trudged towards her room, Kili found her in the corridor.
"Thank Mahal I found you! Quick come - it's Grandpa - he's not well..." Kili grabbed her hand and pulled her along to the room where the old man lay.
Oin was already there with his medical bag opened out on the small blanket bench at the foot of the bed.
"I couldn't take another minute at that stupid party with all those stupid Iron Hills people visiting, like they were perfect! And Dain! After what he did to us!" Kili spat. "So I came to visit Grandpa... But he wasn't very well... His breath was strained..."
Kili's beautiful mahogany eyes were filled with tears as he looked helplessly from her to Thrain.
"Go and find Dis, Thorin and your brother." She instructed before moving towards Oin, who looked up at her and very subtly shook his head.
She could see the frail old man, who looked far better than when she had first met him that fateful day, lay with his head tilted back and his mouth open, gasping for breath. There was no fight in his actions.
"His chest?" She asked as Oin handed her the steth.
"No infection... Possibly some cardiac event, but I don't think there is anything we can do now." He whispered.
"Sedation? A bit of analgesia?"
"Worst is over. I wouldn't give anything -"
Suddenly Thrain opened his eyes and glanced weakly from Oin to Shobha and then smiled as he set eyes on her.
"You are here... I'm glad..." He smiled weakly, still gasping in-between. "The angel in white, who rescued me... From ending my life in a dungeon..."
She quickly took his hand, and gently brushing his hair back from his face, attempted to smile.
"Don't cry... You... Gave me the best gift... to see my children before the end of my days..." He continued to gasp.
"Please save your breath... Dis and Thorin and Fili will be here any moment." She smiled again trying to be brave when she was simply dying inside.
"It is too late for that lassie." He smiled an open mouthed, toothless weak smile. "He is lucky to have you... You... will... make... a wonderful..."
His fight was almost over.
"Mother..."
And with that his head fell back, eyes still glazed over.
"Thrain..? Thrain...?" She gently rubbed his arm, but there was no response. He was clearly not breathing any more.
Oin merely shook his head slowly as he checked Thrains pulse.
"No. No... No..." Falling to her knees as his bedside, she began to sob.
Then suddenly the door to the room flung open as Dis and Thorin led the way followed by the two young councilmen.
Unable to cope anymore, she staggered to her feet and ran out, this time she would not stop until she had gone back to her room.
Finally reaching the safety of her room, she fell onto her bed curled up crying.
She felt sick, her heart was shattered into a million pieces after everything she had lost tonight.
Mind racing with all the decisions she had left to make she lay there for hours crying before exhaustion finally took her and she fell asleep.
Suddenly she awoke in the dim light of her room late at night to the sound of fireworks that decorated the skies above Durin Manor!
Finally her mind was made up - there was no choice. She knew what to do.
...
He knocked on her door again, feeling guilt, anger, frustration at her, at himself and the situation they found themselves in.
It had taken him all morning to get himself out of bed after losing his father - the man he always looked up to. The one who prepared him for everything in life and as Lord of Erebor. But he had been surprised that neither Dis, Dwalin, Bilbo or his nephews saw her all morning. Although Kili had mentioned that she had appeared upset.
He felt terrible.
Last night he had said things that he shouldn't have to her. Things which he regretted today in the cold light of day.
And so much had happened last night. Losing his father had been terrible, but they had all been bracing themselves for some time. Knowing that he spent his last days surrounded by those he loved and in comfort had helped them all. But none of that would have happened if not for her.
"Shobha? Are you awake?" He called out sheepishly, before listening through the door. But there was no sound of her movement inside.
Annoyed at the possibility that she might have gone for a run without telling anyone, and despite him forbidding it, he opened her bedroom door.
He was never prepared for the sight he was confronted with.
The room was empty. Not just empty because she was out, but completely cleared up - as if she had never been there. As if she had been nothing but a beautiful dream he had imagined.
He rushed in to look through the wardrobe and found it empty of her multitude of clothes! Then he tried the dresser - each drawer empty. Everything was gone. Even her ensuite was clear of her multitude of lotions, potions and sweet smelling items - the many wonderful scents that he found on her soft brown skin.
The emptiness of the space began to invade his heart as he slowly walked in to the bedroom again, unsure of what to imagine, or where to begin looking for her.
And then he spotted it - there on the bed, where he hadn't noticed it before, the familiar contract papers that he had spent weeks agonising over. Rushing to the bed he found them exactly as he had presented to her - empty.
Beside this was also the familiar little blue velvet box that he had carried around with him for weeks, pondering over how to ask her. He picked it up and opened it, to find the ring nestled inside carefully.
It was like he had imagined her all along. The perfect woman. And now she was gone. There was no explanation. Surely he deserved one?
Picking up the papers and the ring box, a small notelet dropped down onto the bed. One of her notelets.
He picked it up:
I have given Thranduils necklace back.
Thank you for keeping to your word.
S
That was all! He had given her the necklace last evening before they got ready, it was meant to be for her to wear it or do as she pleased, but he never saw it on her. And he remembered her telling him that she believed it deserved to be returned back to the vampire!
He hurried out of the room hoping to find a better explanation elsewhere. One which his aching heart could actually bear to hear.
...
"My father will appreciate this very much." Legolas stood beside her holding onto the violet velvet box that contained the necklace. "He had never truly engaged another woman since her passing until recently... As you know. And well, you know how that turned out."
He chuckled watching her blush as she recalled the orgy.
"I take it you were otherwise engaged that night too...?" She covered her face out of clear embarrassment this time making him laugh overtly.
"I used to take part once, a long time ago. But I have found it quite hollow..." He looked out across the grassy field by the road where her car was parked. He had never been out standing in the open at dawn. Certainly he had never watched the sun rise in all his years of life. And now seeing the sky blushing in its shades of pinks and oranges was a sight worth the many centuries of waiting. "It doesn't mean I have no urges - sure I do... But just servicing one's body with just any random woman... seems... like nothing more than a bodily function... like emptying ones bowels I suppose!"
She laughed at his rather frank but grotesque comparison.
"The thrill for me is in the emotion one creates in another... Not just the climax itself." He shrugged observing her again. There was something different about her but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. "This is much better in comparison..."
He gestured at the sky in the horizon.
"But it's going to be a cold day."
"Yes I guess so..." She pulled her woollen coat and the several scarves she wore tighter to her. "So you can watch this without... Well... You know... Poof?"
"Nope we don't combust in the sun..." He smiled at her, quite a dazzling smile that she reciprocated.
He couldn't imagine sharing his first sunrise with any other. Even though her heart belonged to another he was willing to wait... Or even share her, whichever might keep her satisfied. One thing was certain, he knew the dog was not enough for her, let alone worthy of her.
"So... What happens...?" She wondered out loud, as the first rays of sun began to reach them.
The sun was like a cleansing force. It's first few early morning rays cutting through the fading night that was filled with so much pain and loss.
The early morning sunbeams felt like a new beggining. It was certainly what she hoped for now.
Looking at the tall blond man, all clad in leather, as the first rays touched his pale, alabaster skin something entirely unexpected happened.
His skin glimmered... Like diamonds!
"Yes... This happens..." Legolas smiled at her again, noticing her astonishment.
"Okay. Now I see why you can't just walk around during the day." She smiled still looking at him with curiosity.
"I have been in the day light before of course. But just never taken time to watch the sun rise." He smiled. "So you are just leaving then? Just like that? And all this sharing a sun rise with me... You weren't going to tell me...?"
"I can't do goodbyes. Not today. I'm sorry."
He looked at the cases that filled her back seat and then back at her, assuming that her trunk was full too.
"You're not coming back are you?" He shook his head sadly.
"Um... I don't think I will..."
"Why?" He spoke through gritted teeth, silently cursing the dogs of Erebor. "Did he hurt you?"
"It's complicated. I was always only ever meant to stay for a year." She tried to lie, but even she was finding it hard to swallow her own words right now. "And... I have been away from my family, my parents... I guess I need to think of myself for a bit."
That was true to some extent. She had to think of herself and the baby that was growing inside her. And she needed to be away from all this drama.
"And how about travelling? Seeing new places?"
"I don't know whether I can just now... Maybe it was all just a dream." She wanted to cry because the words she spoke were true. "The sort of dream that little girls have, all their lives. Like true love and brave knights in shining armour. Or beasts that turn into princes.."
She paused and took a deep breath to steady her emotions.
"But I guess eventually little girls have to grow up, and face reality." There were no knights in the real world, and the beasts were gentler than the princes they turned into. "And now I guess I have to get back to reality myself."
Suddenly a hopeful thought entered her mind: perhaps she would have her own little girl or boy to protect and fill with such fairy tales herself soon. A little girl or boy who would be solely reliant on her now. So she needed to get away from this pain, and give herself time to heal.
She had left a note for Dwalin, and sent an email to Oin and hoped it would give enough to explain why she left without involving Thorin. The truth was that Dwalin had been there for her a lot, and he had kept her secret - for that she was grateful and could only hope that he would not reveal it to his friend now that she was gone. Either way she was sure that by the time she either had found and read their messages, she would have put enough distance between herself and the Lonely Mountain that none could stop her.
Besides the offer she received to set up and run a charity clinic with Brett in Texas after the sole remaining one had closed down was too good to turn down. Especially now. And he was a close friend, who was far more balanced and less moody than Thorin. He would let her manage things the way she wanted. And they certainly wouldn't have such heated and horrible arguments.
After crying herself into a sleep last night, she had woken up thinking of Brett. And immediately called him. They had talked about their ideas for the clinic which had excited her, and she had shared with him that she was pregnant although it was still early.
He had not judged her for it, just listened and been surprisingly supportive promising to make her comfortable throughout, so she wasn't working too hard. And offering to bring in whatever help she needed.
It was all the kindness she needed at this point to begin healing. And if Thorin ever came looking for her, which she very much doubted, then she could deal with things at that point.
"I have to go now Legolas..." She looked around her. She had to get home, see her parents for Christmas and then
"That can't be all your stuff..?" Legolas chuckled.
"No. But I am friends with Gror and his wife Helga who pretty much run Durin Manor. And they have put all my other things in storage – hidden nicely. So they will send it to me once I have a forwarding address. And if Thorin is angry and throws it all away – then so be it."
"And will I receive a forwarding address too?" He leant closer with a gentle smile.
"Sure... But it will be in sunny Texas..." She warned.
"Well... Now you've given me a taste for the sun." He grinned pulling her phone out of her hands and tapping in his own number. "Here - No excuses."
"A vampire with a mobile and an email? Impressive." She laughed. "Considering that place you guys live in looks positively medieval!"
"Well then... My lady..." He bowed his head before pulling her in for a hug, and then planting a soft kiss on her forehead. "I wish you safe travels."
...
Dwalin and Oin sat together in Dwalins small parlour. The old healer enjoying some of the warriors fine whiskey, while the latter smoked his pipe.
Neither spoke a word, but found comfort in the others company as they thought of the young woman that had touched their lives.
They made an unusual pairing, neither particularly fond of the other. In fact, Dwalin mistrusted healers and their over medicalisation of things, while Oin considered the burly warrior nothing more than a dim-witted meat-head. But they had both come together because of her.
Just a week ago they had been checking on her growing baby. Dwalin had never seen such a miracle before, and Oin had never felt a fatherly twinge the way he had for this slip of a woman. Of course, he had known the moment he interviewed her for the job that she would be trouble.
Each shook their heads in turn following their silent musings, as though having some oddly silent conversation. Although neither was actually thinking of the same thing.
"There's no way ter find her now is there?" Dwalin puffed out a cloud of smoke.
"Aye. Unkind to her - I recon he was alright." Oin repeated loudly.
Dwalin groaned, realising why he didn't usually talk much to this deaf old healer!
"Do ya think Thorin knew?" He asked again.
"Worryin' she flew?" Oin frowned. "Aye laddie but it's early days, it's no worry for her to take a plane trip or two. So long as she hydrates and keeps movin her legs eh?"
Dwalin sighed. It was the sort of sigh that one developed for having repeated oneself too many times. He simply couldn't bother anymore.
"Should we TELL HIM?" Dwalin spoke louder hoping the deaf old bat would hear him. They were the only two that knew of her pregnancy, and she had begged each to keep it a secret. So now that she was gone, he wasn't sure whether they should tell Thorin. He clearly had behaved in a most unworthy manner to have driven her away. Mahal knows, his recent mooning over a grown man as his long lost son was unbecoming for anyone. But it had truly irritated so many including him!
"Kill him?" Oin sat up, his old cracked eyes framed with his big grey bushy eyebrows wide with surprise. "Ach lad! I often feel like that about him. But I donnae think the lass would want that."
Dwalin groaned, downing his whisky in one mouthful. He was building resolve to march over to Thorin and have a good go at him. He didn't care anymore that his father had only been dead for a few days. They had lost something equally previous to them for a few days now too- the woman.
Then the old healer reached up quickly and switched on his hearing aids, which immediately made a screeching sound.
"Sorry laddie! Had em switched off all the while!" He chuckled shrugging apologetically. "Och it's a hard one. I donnae think we should tell Thorin. If she wanted to - then she would have done. But the fact that she didn't... well... it's the lass' secret to tell. Not ours."
"Did she say where she was going to?" Dwalin asked.
"Just this old friend Brett Sawyer... And his job offer."
"Aye. I looked him up - bloody handsome chap! Unmarried, clearly holding a flame for her all this time - he will probably marry her... And then the whole jobbies caput! We'll never see her again! Or the bairn!" Dwalin growled. "He some sort of billionaire - but he does a lot of charity work - uck! He's perfect!"
"Aye? Well she deserves a decent lad like that then?" Oin raised his bushy grey brows. "Ya donnae think?"
"Are ya friggin deaf? We'll never see em again! She is part of our family now! And that bairn has Durin blood flowing through him!"
"What makes ye think the bairns a wee laddie?" Oin frowned.
"Did ye see the big dongle on that blob on yer sonic machine thingy!" Dwalin exclaimed, blushing a little.
"Eh?" Oin laughed before realising what Dwalin spoke of. "That is the cord ye dim-witted numpty. There are no sex organs at this stage of the development."
"Aye! And there'll be no sex organs for a few decades yet if old Uncle Dwalin has any say in things either!" He frowned, blushing a deeper shade of pink still, much to the guffaws of Oin.
...
Dear all,
So the story is almost done. Just one short chapter and the epilogue left. Hope to post very soon.
There will be unanswered questions and loose ends left of course. So there is always the option of a few one shot follow up short stories... If you ever fancy it of course.
Thank you for following and all your kind posts about the story.
Hope you and all your loved ones are keeping safe and well. Xx