Chapter 13. Clarifications

The 'talk to Sirius' plan got off to a bad start. The main reason why it was extremely difficult to try to approach him was James: the two were constantly together. So the idea was to stop him after the Flight lesson while the other one was busy in the shower, but Remus panicked and ran from the locker room saying he wanted to wash in the bathroom in the bedroom. The others asked no questions and so he went to the dorms. He used that moment alone to think about what he would say to his friend.

Hey, listen ... sorry if I'm a jerk? It could work.

For a second he thought of giving up and letting it go: he was heartbroken, he felt very guilty and struggled to find the right words. Plus he couldn't figure out how he was going to talk to him alone, since he was always with someone. He decided that he would use the rest of the day and dinner to relax: maybe with an empty mind and a full stomach he would find the perfect idea. But it didn't go like that. That thing was a constant thought and not even the History of Magic book could distract him.

Only at dinner, in the company of everyone, could he not think about it. They ate quietly and then went up to the common room to spend time together and chat quietly as they always did. Even that evening, as for a week now, Peter tried in vain to teach Remus the game of Magic Chess: it was similar to Muggle chess, only more violent and, just like Flight, he found it particularly frustrating. Peter was very good and Remus, unfortunately, couldn't understand a lot of rules, so he panicked every time and never ended well. Usually the other two either played or stood there staring at the game and commenting on it. The girls, on the other hand, went about their business and talked about this and that. Lily had taken Remus on his word when he said he could borrow some of his books and so, from time to time, the redhead, instead of talking to the others, would sit in a corner and read something. Usually the evenings passed like this.

Around 11.00 pm they all said goodnight and went up to their rooms. Once there, Peter and James quickly got ready for bed - they would wake up early the next day to watch the Gryffindor team's Quidditch practice - while Sirius, uniform still on, remained stuck to the stereo to listen to the radio. Remus used the opportunity to go to the bathroom to change.

As soon as James and Peter fall asleep I go talk to them. It's my time.

He said looking in the mirror.

After about 20 minutes, Sirius got up from the ground and silently undressed and put on his pajamas. Remus envied the confidence his friend had in changing in front of the others with all that nonchalance. He looked away, to give him some privacy, but when he turned back he saw the boy already under the covers.

"Goodnight Rem." Sirius said softly. He smiled at him and turned his back to him.

No! I have to talk to you, don't go to sleep!

Remus heard James and Peter snoring. He stared at the two companions for a few minutes and then, moved by an unusual decision that was not usually part of his being, he got out of bed and strode to Sirius's. From where he was standing he could see the full back of the boy's black hair. He cleared his throat to get noticed.

"Sirius…" he whispered.

"Yes Rem?"

"Can we talk?"

Sirius turned.

"Now?"

Remus nodded.

"Ok, come on." Sirius said, noticing his friend's nervousness. He sat down to make room for the other and closed the curtains with a flick of his wand. He cast a silencing spell and then they looked at each other.

"What is this?" Remus asked, referring to the spell.

"I have soundproofed the curtains. Now we can talk quietly without being heard and waking up the others .. cool right? "

"Yeah."

The two smiled.

Remus thought about the fact that he had never been so close to Sirius and just then, as they laughed, he noticed that he had beautiful eyes, a gray that he had never seen in his life.

"Anyway, tell me everything .." the boy interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh, right .. Um .." Remus looked down. "I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" he looked confused.

"I didn't know yesterday was your birthday. If I had known I could have come back sooner or I don't know .. "

" Rem .. "

" And then I heard about the Howler. I should have been a good friend and be close to you and instead I wasn't there and I'm sorry ..

"Rem .."

"You are very good friends and you worry about me, but I'm not there when you need me and I feel damn good blame for this .. I'm a fool! " he exclaimed quickly.

There were a few seconds of silence.

"Are you done?" Sirius asked.

"Yup."

"Ok, now I'll speak: first of all, do not worry, okay?" he looked him straight in the eye and then smiled sweetly. Remus nodded. "Good. So, know that no one knew about my birthday and that, if the Howler hadn't come, I probably would have kept saying nothing. Then, the Howler: believe me, you better not have heard .. Everyone was alarmed because they were afraid of my reaction, but they don't know that I am so used to my mother's screams by now, that I don't notice anymore. And finally, I have to say that you are right when you say that we are great friends - we are actually fantastic - but so are you. "

"But .."

"No. Believe me Rem, everything is fine. " he smiled at him again. "Sure, I was sorry you weren't there, but that regardless of whether it was my birthday." the boy said. "I mean, we have more fun when we're all together." he shrugged embarrassed. "Are you calmer now?"

"Yup. All day I was terrified that you hated me! "

"You are crazy!" and they laughed with amusement.

"Well, happy birthday anyway, even if it's late."

"Thank you very much, Mr. Lupin." Sirius said with a kind of bow. They laughed again.

"They told me they gave you an owl .."

"Oh yes, the best gift ever!" he exclaimed ironically. He raised his eyebrows and smiled. "At least they gave me a gift."

"I'm sorry your parents don't understand that you are really a nice person .. it's their loss!" Remus meant it: Sirius was truly a fantastic person and didn't deserve all that hate.

"Remus Lupin, you flatter me!" he put a hand on his chest and made a pleased face. They laughed for the umpteenth time.

How good is it to laugh together?

"Anyway thanks." Remus said sincerely.

"Thanks to you for the good wishes." Sirius smiled.

"Okay, I guess I bothered you enough for today…" Remus opened the curtains, got out of bed and looked at him. "Goodnight Sirius."

"You never do, Rem! Anyway goodnight to you too! " she smiled, winked at him, lay down and turned away.

Remus was still smiling: he was delighted to have spoken to Sirius. Finally he could put aside that worry, which had haunted him all day, and go to bed quietly. Still enthusiastic, he lay down and got under the covers. However, although he was no longer worried, he still had a hard time falling asleep.

Maybe because I'm still excited to have clarified.

Or maybe because I keep thinking of Sirius' eyes… which by the way, how can they be so beautiful?

He could not explain how it was possible that eyes had such a particular color. He had seen different shades of color - for example, he had them green, just like Lily, James had them hazel and Peter had blue - but Sirius's was truly one of a kind. He thought about this thing until he fell asleep.

November 5, 1971

When the alarm clock rang the next morning, upon waking, Remus found only Sirius in bed. He stretched well and slowly went to the bathroom to wash and change: he took a short shower, brushed his teeth, treated his wounds and got dressed. He left the bathroom and saw that his friend was still sleeping.

"Sirius, come on, let's go have breakfast .." Remus said in a still sleepy voice. He sat on the bed and looked around in confusion as he occasionally yawned.

The boy grunted in response.

"I swear, now I get up." Sirius said with his face still pressed to the pillow. He stood like that for a few seconds and then jumped to his feet. He disappeared for a few minutes in the bathroom and then when he returned to the room he put on his uniform.

Why do I have all these problems to change myself in front of others while he doesn't? Ah, right .. I am hideous plus my body is full of scratches, while Sirius definitely not.

Once ready, they went down to the Great Hall. There they found James and Peter already sitting at the table eating breakfast.

"Hi guys!" James exclaimed smiling. The boy had the power to put everyone in a good mood with just a smile. Then the girls also came and together, after eating, they went over History of Magic.

"Guys, when are your birthdays?" Sirius asked out of nowhere. And so, one by one, they said their date of birth. "At least next time we organize and celebrate properly!".

Everyone nodded happily and then went back to talking about the History of Magic.