Chapter 17

After the pain and disappointment of that fateful night, Hinata had done her best to get on with her life. Jumping back into clan business helped and she started reconnecting with her friends. The ones she hadn't seen since she got back from Kirigakure.

She spent a lot of time with Kiba and Shino ofcourse which was normal for their team and tonight she had a coffee date with Sakura! The situation with Naruto aside, Hinata and Sakura had gotten closer after the war. Sakura had been leading the medical program Hinata completed and as a result of that the two had started to bond. Hinata admired the pink haired Kuinochi's dedication to her work, her intelligence, her determination and strength. There were many days that she wished that she could be more like Sakura, for more than one reason… but at the end of the day she knew that they all had their own strengths and weaknesses. And she needed to come to love herself just as she was.

About two hours later, after a much needed session of girl talk, the Kuinochis exited the coffee shop promptly running into Kakashi. Hinata froze, spotting him like a deer in the headlights.

He had his hands buried in his vest pockets and looked as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Thankfully the bags that had been under his eyes were gone and he looked better than when she had last seen him. Hinata was grateful he was looking better but she was in no rush to talk to him. So she immediately turned, wanting to leave before he noticed her but within seconds Kakashi called out her name.

"Hinata! Hey Hinata! Would you mind coming over to my apartment for a bit? I want to talk to you?"

She turned slowly to see that he looked oddly serious and Sakura was standing next to him with her mouth hanging open. But he ignored the looks that Sakura was throwing him. Hinata smiled tentatively at Sakura to show that everything was okay and nodded her head agreeing to go with Kakashi.

She followed the older man as he led her to his apartment and they reached the location in about 5 minutes. She was surprised to find that it was not too far from the coffee shop. She looked curiously at the surroundings of the building as they went up a flight of stairs and before long they were in his flat.

She wasn't sure what she had been expecting. His apartment was extremely minimalistic without clutter except for the rows upon rows upon rows of books. He had an entire wall of his apartment converted to a bookshelf. A quick perusal through the shelves showed that he had a range of books here. Novels, philosophy, science, history, mathematical theory, physics, literature, astronomy etc. None of this surprised her now of course after seeing his reading habits in Kirigakure. What did surprise her was the stack of Icha Icha paradise covers she found laying on the bookshelf. They were empty sleeves.

Suddenly it clicked in her mind what he did with them and why everyone thought all he read was Icha Icha Paradise. She wanted to laugh but she hadn't been feeling like herself since her last conversation with Kakashi so with a simple sigh Hinata turned and walked over to his couch sitting down with feelings of trepidation.

Kakashi took off his vest and turned on the soft lighting in the living room before sitting down next to her without his mask.

"Hinata"... he sighed before continuing. "I'm sorry for how I acted that night." He sounded truly contrite, "our mission's objective to act like a couple was simple ….at least in my mind….yet during the time we spent together I think I did start to have some sorts of feelings for you. Feelings that go beyond what a Captain should feel for their comrade".

She felt a smile breakout in her face as she heard that. But he continued on with a grave look, "But... I've been a recluse all these years for a reason ... I don't want to get married or have children… I never did and that hasn't changed. Because of whatever this is that I feel for you I did consider it. I truly did. I thought long and hard about whether I could give up my bachelorhood and become a family man. And I thought about whether I could join the Hyuga clan and take on all the formalities that came along with it. But the truth is even though I like you… I can't give you what you want. I don't think I'm capable of falling in love" he finished.

The smile and the glow that had been on Hinata's face faded as his words sank in. She sat there staring at him, not believing what she'd heard. Surely she heard him wrong. He couldn't have just said that he couldn't give up being a bachelor… could he? For a minute or two she had no idea what to say so she waited for the situation to change but the silence drew on. Why had he even bothered to bring her here for this?

She swallowed uncomfortably and nodded standing up stumbling to grab her purse. She wasn't mad at him… she was just numb.

"I'm sorry Hinata" he said, watching her get up.

"Goodbye Kakashi-san, thank you for being honest with me" she said as she walked out of his apartment into the cool night.

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1 month later

The first month after his talk with Hinata passed fairly uneventfully for Kakashi. He had spent the first week wracked with guilt.

When she left that night she had looked devastated and he expected her to seek him out eventually. She had been too shocked to say anything then but eventually he had been sure she would come yell at him and perhaps call him a coward. But then days went by and then a week without any sign of her, so he started to get worried.

At the end of that first week Kakashi had swung by the Hyuga mansion in secret to check in on Hinata. He had lucked out on the timing because he arrived when Hinata had been outside working on her garden. She had a well worn kimono on and was picking out weeds. She looked serene, elegant and beautiful, like she always did and seeing her produced a sharp pain in his chest and it hurt to breathe a little, so he stared at her from a distance and left as quickly as he came. She looked like she was doing okay, he was glad to see that.

After that incident Kakashi threw himself into his work. He went on a few lengthy missions that took his mind off matters at home and he no longer felt guilty as time passed because he knew he had done the right thing.

About five months after, Kakashi was returning back to town from a mission. He'd been in Suna working on the Kirigakure project. The mission had been particularly gruelling because the network of spies there seems to be firmly established and there was still work left to do. But Tsunade had pulled him back into Konoha due to some other urgent matters.

As he was walking down the street he suddenly caught a whiff of guava and it would have been comical to an onlooker how quickly his head turned instinctively seeking that scent out. His heart skipped a beat in excitement and he looked around for the Hyuga.

Within a few seconds he spotted her! She was a few paces ahead of him. Her shiny long hair hung down her back and she was wearing a yellow sundress. The material of the dress was flowy with blue flowers and she turned to smile at the man next to her. He could see the silhouette of her figure and it was perfect ...of course. He craned his neck to catch the smile on her face that he knew would be there before she turned back. He felt his steps quickening forward eagerly to get to her side when he suddenly paused confused at his body's reaction.

He stopped and looked at the man next to her... it was Ryoko, from Kirigakure. What was that bastard doing here?

"Sup Kakashi-sensei!" a loud voice yelled out. Kakashi jumped and turned to find Naruto standing next to him. Why was he yelling when he was standing right next to him? Naruto unfortunately followed his line of vision to the Hyuga and then excitedly called out her name.

"HINATA!...oy Hinata! Wait up". The girl ahead of them paused and turned back with a smile as she recognized that voice. When she suddenly saw Kakashi along with Naruto her smile died.

"Who is this Hinata-chan?" Naruto asked inquisitively, dragging Kakashi with him towards Hinata.

She blushed slightly and stammered introducing all three to each other. Ryoko was looking at Kakashi steadily and he returned that hard stare unflinchingly feeling a burning sensation in the region of his chest. Hinata glanced nervously at Kakashi and looked away, noting his gaze shift to her.

"Naruto-kun I am showing Ryoko-san around the village, we have reservations for dinner in 15 minutes. Please excuse us" she bowed "it was nice seeing you both". With that she turned and started walking away. Ryoko waved lazily over his shoulder at them (although his gaze was directed at Kakashi) and he reached down to take Hinata's hand as they continued down the street.

Kakashi's own hands started to hurt watching them… he stared at the intersection where Ryoko was holding Hinata's hand and he realized he was holding his breath when he started to feel a bit dizzy. He looked down to see why his hands were hurting and it was then that he realized that they were balled into fists. He relaxed his hands trying to calm down.

Looking at her had been painful. Had she always been so beautiful?

Kakashi realized belatedly that Naruto was inviting him out for Ramen but he made his excuses pleading a headache and walked home. He felt sick to his stomach.

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About a month and a half after that incident another envoy from the Land of the Mist came to Konoha.

Ryoko was back again, Kakashi thought with displeasure as he gazed at the attractive man sitting in the Hokage's office conversing affably with Tsunade-sama. Why did this bastard keep coming back to Konoha? He hadn't heard of any news from the Hyuga clan about a brewing engagement but clearly something was going on he continued to think, narrowing his gaze at the Kawazaiwa heir.

Noting the attention, Ryoko swung to look at Kakashi. "Kakashi-san how are you doing? I heard congratulations are in order for the successful mission you started up in Suna. Kirigakure is indebted to the Hokage, yourself and to Konoha for the support you are providing in getting this situation under control".

Kakashi grunted in reply, and bit out a response when Tsunade gave him a narrowed glare.

"I'm doing good Ryoko-sama, how are you? Yes, I am pleased that the mission in Suna was a success and It's our pleasure to assist Kirigakure in any way that we can. I look forward to expanding and building on the flourishing relationship between our two countries."

His words were all the right once but his tone was bitter. He saw a flash of satisfaction in Ryoko's eyes and Kakashi could have bitten his tongue at not being able to control his petty attitude.

"I am doing well Kakashi-san, and It's always a pleasure to see Hinata-chan during my visits. I too look forward to expanding the relationship between our two countries in any way that I can" Ryoko replied smoothly with a direct hit at Kakashi.

Kakashi barely stifled a growl at the casual way Ryoko referenced Hinata and the insinuation he made at deepening relationships in relation to her. In order to resist walking out of the room he gave Tsunade a look that she instantly picked up on and directed the conversation to business matters at hand.

Kakashi then turned his attention to the familiar woman who had been a part of the security detail this time around. Ariko.

She was glancing at him with a small smile on her face and her eyes held a note of interest. It had been a long time since Kakashi had been intimate with anyone… maybe it was time they renewed their relationship. But that thought didn't leave the best feeling in his stomach either. After the business talks concluded for the day, Kakashi eagerly got up to leave the room, Ariko followed him and cornered Kakashi in the outside hallway. After some initial misgivings, Kakashi made plans to meet up with her later that night at his apartment.

That night Hinata was on patrol duty. Recently they've had some breaches in the force field protecting their town and she along with a few other Shinobi had been charged with repairing it and with providing additional security for the town for a few weeks.

As Ariko walked over to Kakashi's apartment she didn't notice the Hyuga heiress who had been on patrol duty close by observing. Hinata felt sick watching the older woman knock on the apartment door and seeing Kakashi let her in. She sped away from the scene with tears running down her face unable to stay in the vicinity any longer.

Back in Kakashi's apartment, Ariko was opening a large bottle of wine and helping arrange the snacks she had brought along onto plates.

"Ariko... are you sure you are comfortable with an arrangement like this?" Kakashi asked softly. "When we last spoke it seemed like you wanted a whole lot more than this and… and you deserve that" he finished.

"Kashi" she said with a smile, "I don't need to get married again, I was just jealous that you were going to be with someone else. But now that I know you never even had a relationship with that girl it's a moot point anyway" she finished walking over to his record player to put some music on.

He chose to remain quiet after that comment. He really was not sure what he had developed with Hinata on that mission. It was complicated. He ran a hand through his hair tiredly and took off his masks. He hadn't been intimate with anyone in any way since Hinata. His stomach suddenly cramped with nerves watching Ariko.

She put on the music and took another sip of her wine slowly swaying to the music as she came forward grabbing his hand pulling him up to dance. As her body wrapped around him the smell of her perfume wafted up again… and his brain screamed that this was wrong. He tried to remain calm.

After a few more minutes he had managed to ease his mind. But then she brought his head down to hers and captured his lips in a kiss. It was a nice kiss, they had kissed each other many times in the past and technically they were both very good at this. But Kakashi no longer felt any passion while he kissed her.

Panic crawled up his throat as he suddenly broke away and turned his back to her.

She laughed, "Don't worry Kashi it's been a while for me too… We don't have to take it slow tonight baby" she said coming up behind him wrapping her arms around his torso.

He took a deep breath and removed her arms from his body. "I'm sorry Ariko" he turned, looking guilty.

It took awhile for comprehension to sink into her face but after it did she was furious. She had thrown a decent amount of books at his head and broke the bottle of wine before she walked out of his apartment.

Kakashi sank to the floor as the door slammed shut behind her and put his head between his knees, no longer knowing what was going on with him.