"So, how was your first week back? We missed last weeks' appointment because of your case."
"I know," JJ sighed, crossing her legs delicately. "I'm sorry. I'm sure it won't be the last time."
Dr. Lewis just smiled at her, notepad and pen resting on her lap. "I'm sure! I've heard about the unit. I'd love to consult."
With a grin, JJ reached into her purse to pull out her own notepad and pen. "Let me make a note of that. I'm sure I'll find something. We don't use consultants often, but you never know!"
"Well," Dr. Lewis chuckled, "as much as I appreciate that…" She raised an eyebrow as JJ made her note. "I asked how your first week went."
Blushing, JJ tucked her notepad away. "Sorry," she apologized with a tight smile, "I got distracted. I think it went well! It was… a lot honestly."
Dr. Lewis smiled at the admission. "In what ways? Personal, or professional?"
JJ tried to think about her answer and how much she wanted to share. It had been a weird week. Between getting back in the rhythm of casework and working through her complicated feelings toward Reid and Emily, JJ was exhausted.
She had expected it to be difficult to get back into her working rhythm, but it was harder than she thought it would be. She'd never noticed how busy she kept herself. She knew that she worked a lot, but it felt overwhelming to go from 0 to 60 so quickly. Emily had been very helpful, but JJ's indecipherable feelings were keeping her from letting Emily really help her.
"So, those thoughts racing through you head right now?" Dr. Lewis chuckled. She fixed JJ with an amused stare. "Those are the thoughts I'd like to hear."
"Right." JJ blushed and adjusted herself on the couch. "I guess… I'm realizing just how much work I do."
"Oh?"
Nodding, JJ uncrossed her legs. "Yeah. I knew that I had a heavy workload before, but I was in the middle of it and I didn't really notice. I'm not upset that I do so much work - I actually like it - but it's been hard to get up to speed."
Dr. Lewis smiled as she jotted down some notes. "I think that's understandable. You took two weeks off and then left for a case immediately. We talked the last time about your workload. You didn't think it was a lot then."
"I forgot how much it all is," JJ admitted, shrugging. "Just the paperwork took me a long time to catch up on, then coordinating the hotel, talking to the local officers so they know what we expect, arranging for victim and family interviews… I just felt like I was behind the whole time."
"You team didn't help you?"
JJ smiled, remembering how Derek had offered to carry all of her bags and folders. Despite her reservations, she'd let Reid talk to her about the local culture. Emily had been right beside her the entire time, practically holding her hand. Between her support and Penelope's, JJ had been fine.
"They did." She crossed her legs again, sighing. "They were great. I guess I wasn't actually behind. It just felt that way."
Dr. Lewis nodded as she wrote. JJ wished she could see what she was writing down. Was it something that was going to help or hinder her assessment? She just wanted to know how she was doing.
"Ok," Dr. Lewis said, turning her professional smile back on JJ, "so, other than the paperwork, what did you notice?"
"What do you mean?"
With a sigh, Dr. Lewis flicked a loose hair out of her face. "Well… Did your interactions feel different?" She nodded with purpose. "Tell me what you noticed about your interactions. How was it to talk to victims and family again? The locals? The press?"
JJ chuckled humorlessly and rolled her eyes. "I didn't miss being talked down to. No one is usually too rude, unless they're emotional, but the press and local police love to talk to me like I'm a child. It didn't feel any different. I noticed that."
"Good," Dr. Lewis said. She shrugged. "Any theories on why they do that?"
"Because I'm pretty?" JJ blushed, covering her mouth. "Oh my god. That's so conceited. I'm so sorry."
Dr. Lewis laughed at her embarrassment, waving a dismissive hand. "Don't be sorry. It's true! You think your looks make people think less of you?"
"Um," JJ laughed, relaxing a little bit, "I think so, yeah." She lowered her hand, dropping it into her lap. "It's just easy to dismiss me. I do my best to look professional, but at the end of the day… I'm a blonde woman in a very masculine profession and people just… I don't know. They don't like to listen. Half the time, Hotch or Morgan or Gideon have to repeat what I'm saying."
"That must be frustrating."
"It is!" JJ took a deep breath and swept her hair out of her face. "It just wastes so much time. I wish… I wish I wasn't so feminine, you know?" She huffed, knowing that it sounded stupid to want to be something other than she was. "Sometimes… Sometimes I just wish I wasn't a girl at all. Which is stupid, because I am a girl, but it's such a waste of time."
Dr. Lewis' face stayed carefully neutral. "What do you mean by 'a waste of time'?"
"I spend so much time doing my make-up, and choosing outfits that are nice and feminine and polite - can outfits be polite?" JJ didn't wait for an answer. "I don't know. I just… Things would go faster if I wasn't this pretty, blonde woman who has to smile and nod and wait for someone to listen to her."
"What would you be instead?"
JJ thought for a moment, her heart racing. She wasn't sure what it was about the question that made her nervous and excited, but it wasn't anything she'd asked herself before. What would she be if she wasn't a girl?
"I don't know," was the honest answer. "I haven't thought about it before."
"Well, you don't have to rush into anything." Dr. Lewis smiled as she made a few notes. "Alright. Let's change the subject. Tell me about this case."
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Saturday morning brought an impromptu cooking class. Milly had woken up asking for breakfast and Emily, determined to be a good parental figure, had tried to make breakfast. She'd tried to make pancakes from scratch. It was only a few ingredients; how hard could it be?
Too hard, was the unfortunate answer. She'd followed the recipe, but then she'd gotten distracted texting JJ and added too much salt. Then, she'd discovered she didn't have any flour left. After sadly conveying this to Milly, Emily had picked up her phone to order something from the French place down the street when an idea had occurred to her.
So, she and Milly had gone on a trip, stopping at various stores before picking JJ up from her apartment in Alexandria. They'd explained their plan. JJ was going to teach them how to make biscuits and the Emily Prentisses would build Henry an enclosure under the stairs.
That's how Emily found herself sitting beside Milly at the kitchen island while JJ demonstrated how to make her mother's "famous" buttermilk biscuits. JJ was kneading the dough, Milly was keeping Henry in the circle of her arms, and Emily was listening with amusement as they talked about soccer.
"I missed tryouts this year, but I could try out next year," Milly said enthusiastically. She turned to blink wide eyes at Emily. "Can I go to a soccer summer camp to be ready?"
"Sure," Emily answered, shrugging. "That's fine. Do you want a day camp or a sleepaway camp?"
JJ hummed, getting their attention. "Sleepaway camp, definitely. I made some great friends at soccer camp."
"Alright." Emily bumped her shoulder into Milly. "Sleepaway camp it is. You good with that?"
"Yes!" Milly squealed and picked Henry up, grinning at him. "Maybe I'll meet a wild tortoise."
Emily and JJ laughed, sharing an amused look. It was nice to spend time together like this again. After Emily started working again, they hadn't had much time to hang out, and it had only gotten harder when JJ started working, too. It had been almost a month since Hankel and JJ seemed to be back in the swing of things.
It was odd to have someone in her life that she wanted to spend so much time with. Other than Milly, Emily hadn't had someone close to her in a long time. If she didn't count Doyle, who she did her best not to think about, then she probably hadn't had a best friend in almost a decade. That was a depressing thought.
"Eyes here, please," JJ said, smiling. She waited until she had everyone's attention before picking up a handful of flour and dusting it over her dough. "This is so it doesn't stick to the rolling pin. Now we roll it out. We want it about ¾ of an inch thick."
"It rises, right?" Milly asked, leaning forward. "In the oven?"
"Yup," JJ answers easily. She rolls out the dough with practiced motions. "They'll end up about two inches tall with a lot of layers."
Silence fell over the kitchen as JJ worked. Emily was incredibly grateful that she was willing to drop her work to do something as silly as make biscuits. Milly had won JJ over as easily as she'd won Emily over. JJ had won Milly over easily, too. Emily wondered if JJ was just meant to be friends with people named Emily Prentiss.
That was a cheesy thought, and Emily blushed, hiding her face in her mug of coffee. Having a crush on a friend made her feel like a teenager again. Why was her daughter, an actual middle schooler, cooler than she was? It just wasn't fair.
"Can I ask a serious question?" Milly asked quietly, tracing patterns in the flour on the counter with one hand and holding Henry with the other. "You can say no."
"Who are you asking?" Emily replied, reaching out to tuck a black curl behind Milly's ear. She looked at JJ, who nodded. "It's a yes from both of us either way."
Milly sighed and glanced up at JJ. "Are you still protecting Emily in the field?"
"Of course," JJ said reflexively, hand slowing as she set the rolling pin aside. "Of course, I am."
"It's just that you were really hurt when you said you would," Milly told her, eyes narrowing. "I wasn't sure if you remembered."
"I remember." JJ stretched over her dough to take Milly's hands in her flour-covered ones. "Emily and I have each other's backs. I haven't been worried at all. She's taking good care of me, and I'm taking care of her." She looks at Emily, blinking her baby blue eyes. "Isn't that right?"
Emily nodded, taking a deep breath. She felt caught off-guard by JJ's piercing stare. Still, she knew she had to answer Milly's question and assure her that everything was ok.
"We're fine, Milly." Emily smiled at her. "I promise. We're a team."
"Good." Milly grinned like she'd never gotten seriously at all. "Can I help cut the biscuits?"
After cutting the biscuits, JJ slid them into the oven and set a timer on the stovetop. They decided to go ahead and build Henry's enclosure while the biscuits were backing, so they could put him away when it was time to eat. Emily pulled the chair she kept under the stairs out of the way to make room for Henry's new temporary home.
JJ, it turned out, was incredibly handy. She assembled the enclosure herself, with Milly and Emily just watching. A wooden fence closed off the small space, a heat lamp was plugged in and set in the corner, and a bed of sand and leaves were strewn across the floor. A small part of Emily disliked the idea of loose sand in the apartment, but at least it was contained.
When the timer beeped, Emily went to pull the biscuits out and left the two tortoise lovers to their work. She opened the oven and was met with the smell of perfectly butter biscuits. It smelled like a home she never had. Rolling her eyes at herself, she slipped on her oven mitts and took the two trays out, setting them on the stovetop.
She closed the oven, tossed the mitts aside, and turned the oven off. The biscuits smelled so good, but she knew if she took a bite, she'd never hear the end of it. To distract herself, she wandered over to the island and leaned against it, so she could watch Milly and JJ work.
Milly set Henry into his new temporary home while JJ watched closely. Emily wasn't sure how she felt about building Henry an enclosure in her apartment. It wasn't an inconvenience, and she had the money to spare on supplies. It just felt like a commitment. She was committing to having JJ over enough to make it worth it. She was committing to sticking around.
Emily couldn't stop thinking about having two people in her life that she was attached to. Milly had been in her life for almost a year, and she'd known JJ for over four months now. Emily didn't know how she felt about being close to someone, much less two people.
How long would it take for them to realize that she was a fraud? That she wasn't a real person? Emily still felt like a quickly constructed enclosure. She was the framework of a person, all of the necessary parts, but none of the depth. Emily had too many secrets to really be open with someone else, but for the first time, in a long time, she found that she wanted to try.
How did one even begin to begin? Emily didn't know the answer to that question. Maybe she'd already started her life. Maybe it was enough for now to commit to being someone's friend and someone's mother. She was still learning what those things meant, but at least she was trying.
The day passed quickly, filled with biscuits and television and an early dinner. Emily made spaghetti. It wasn't great, but it was good and the sauce was made from scratch, which was impressive enough. JJ and Milly had happily eaten it. It made Emily happy to see them enjoy her food. It was definitely motivation to keep trying.
When the sun began to set, Emily grabbed her keys and her coat while JJ gathered her things. The media liaison still had some work to do and there was no reason for her to sleep over, so Emily would drive her home. Before they left, Milly hugged JJ, placed a kiss on Henry's head, and put him back into his travel bin.
"I'll miss you," she told him as JJ and Emily left the apartment. "Bye, Henry. And JJ!"
The door closed behind them and JJ laughed, following Emily to the elevator. "I think she only tolerates me because I bring Henry along."
"No," Emily assured her, "she also likes your biscuits."
JJ purposely bumped into Emily, sending her stumbling away as they reached the elevator. She grinned at the dark-haired woman before walking into the small space. Emily followed after and hit the button to the parking garage.
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JJ climbed out of the car, closing the passenger door and moving to the backseat to get Henry. Emily watched her as she shut that door and walked around the side of the car. She stopped beside the driver's window and Emily lowered it.
"Thanks for the ride," JJ said, smiling, "and the invitation to hang out."
Resting her arms on the lowered window, Emily leaned out of the car to stare down at Henry. "Yeah. It was fun. It was a good way to spend our day off."
"Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm almost done with Dragonflight." She adjusted her grip on the plastic pin. "I'll have that book report ready tomorrow."
"I'm such a taskmaster, huh?" Emily grinned at her. "I'll find you Dragonquest. It's really good."
JJ hesitated for a second before pushing herself up onto her toes and kissing Emily's cheek. Dropping back down, she smiled, cheeks flushed. Slowly stepping backward toward her building, JJ shrugged a shoulder.
"Goodnight, Emily."
Emily touched her cheek as JJ turned around, still feeling her lips. She shouldn't be so affected by a simple kiss on the cheek, but her heart was racing. Leaning back into the car, she closed the window and grinned to herself.
Putting the car in drive, Emily began the drive home again. She didn't feel bad about leaving Milly alone like that, but she didn't want to be gone too long either. She was pretty sure her dopey grin was going to last for the entire drive.