CHAPTER 24

AMY, FIONA, AND TALLULAH were gone within hours. I wasn't sure if the speed was due to the efficiency of Silvia or the nerves of the girls. I knew new girls would be leaving because Maxon and Silvia had both warned me. Yet we dropped to nineteen, and it suddenly felt like this was all moving quickly. Still, I did not have enough foresight to predict how much faster it would become.

The Monday after the attacks, we returned to our routine. I hadn't seen Maxon again or sought him out because I could only imagine how busy he was. But I Breakfast was as delicious as ever, and I wondered if there would come a time when I wouldn't appreciate these amazing meals.

"Kriss, isn't this divine?" I asked as I bit into a piece of star-shaped fruit. I'd never seen it before I came to the palace. Kriss's mouth was full, but she nodded in agreement. I felt a warm sense of sisterhood this morning. Now that we had survived a major rebel attack together, it felt like these small bonds had sealed into something unbreakable. Beside Kriss, Emily was passing me honey. Next to me, Tiny was asking where my songbird necklace came from with admiration in her eyes. The atmosphere was that of my family dinners a few years ago, before Kota turned into a jerk and we lost Kenna to a husband: full, bright, chatty.

I suddenly knew, just as Maxon had said his mother had done, that I would contact these girls down the road. I would want to know who everyone married and send them Christmas cards. And in twenty-some-odd years, if Maxon had a son, I'd call to ask them about their favorite girls in the new Selection. And we'd remember everything we'd gone through and laugh about it as if it had been an adventure, not a competition.

Oddly enough, the only person in the room who appeared to be distressed was Maxon. He didn't touch his food but instead gazed up and down the rows of girls with a clear look of concentration on his face. Every once in a while, he paused midthought and seemed to debate with himself over something, and then moved on.

When he came to my row, he caught me looking at him and gave me a weak smile. He seemed so nervous. I couldn't help but wonder if something had gone wrong. So with an expression that said it was a request, not a demand, I tugged my ear. His expression remained strained, but he tugged his ear, too.

I sighed with relief and found my eyes moving toward the doors of the massive room. As I'd suspected, another pair of eyes was looking my way. I'd noticed Aspen when I entered, but I tried not to acknowledge him. I supposed it was impossible to ignore someone you've loved that much.

Maxon stood up. The sudden movement made his chair screech in a way that drew our collective attention. As we all turned toward him, he looked like he wished he could sit back down unnoticed. Realizing that wasn't an option, he spoke instead.

"Ladies," he said with a bow of his head. He looked genuinely pained. "I'm afraid that after yesterday's attack, I've been forced to seriously reconsider the operation of the Selection. As you know, three ladies asked to leave yesterday, and I obliged. I wouldn't want anyone here against their will. Furthermore, I don't feel comfortable keeping anyone in the palace, facing this constant threat of danger, when I feel confident that we don't have any sort of future together."

Around the room, the confusion changed to a clear and unhappy understanding.

"He's not…," Tiny whispered.

"Yes, he is," I replied. That explains his nerves.

"Though it grieves me to do this, I have discussed the matter with my family and a few close advisers and have decided to go ahead and narrow the Selection down to the Elite. However, instead of ten, I've decided to send all but six of you home," Maxon stated in a businesslike tone.

"Six?" Kriss gasped.

"That's not fair," Tiny breathed, already starting to cry.

I looked around the room as the hum of complaints rose and fell. Celeste braced herself, as if she could fight for a spot. Bariel had closed her eyes and crossed her fingers, perhaps hoping that image would garner her some sympathy. Marlee, who had admitted that she didn't care for Maxon, looked incredibly tense. Why did she want to stay so badly?

"I don't wish to draw this out unnecessarily, so only the following ladies will be staying. Lady Marlee and Lady Kriss."

Marlee breathed out a sigh of relief and put a hand to her chest. Kriss did a happy, fidgety dance in her chair and looked at the girls around her, expecting us to be happy. And I was until I realized that two of the six spots were already gone. With only being friends would Maxon still want me here? Would he be willing to use me inplace of a chance for true love? What would I do if I had to go?

This whole time, the power had been in my hands as to when I would leave. I was abruptly aware of how important it was to me to stay.

"Lady Natalie and Lady Celeste," he continued, looking at them both in turn. I cringed at Celeste's name. He couldn't keep her and not me. I could hardly believe he was keeping her at all. But was that a sign I was going? We have fought about her very presence here. Maybe it's a message that he doesn't care for my role.

"Lady Elise," he said, and the room inhaled a breath, awaiting the final name. I realized Tiny and I were squeezing each other's hands.

(cass)

"And Lady America." Maxon looked over at me, and I felt every muscle in my body relax. Tiny started bawling immediately, and she wasn't alone. Maxon let out a long sigh.

"To everyone else, I'm incredibly sorry, but I hope you all trust me when I say that I meant this to be a good thing for you. I don't want to raise anyone's hopes for no reason and risk your life in the process. If anyone who is leaving wants to speak to me, I'll be in the library down the hall, and you may visit me as soon as you've finished eating."

Maxon walked out of the room as quickly as he could without running. I watched him until he crossed in front of Aspen, and then my attention was diverted. Aspen's face was confused, and I knew why. I'd told him I didn't love Maxon, so he would have assumed I meant next to nothing to Maxon as well. So why would I be so tense about staying or going? And why would Maxon want to keep me around?

Before a second had passed, Emmica and Tuesday were running after Maxon, no doubt looking for an explanation. Some girls were in tears, obviously heartbroken, and it fell on those of us remaining to comfort them.

It was unbearably awkward. Tiny ended up swatting away my hands and running out of the room. I hoped she wouldn't hold any bitter feelings against me.

People left within minutes, no longer hungry. I didn't linger myself, unable to handle the outpouring of emotion. As I passed Aspen, he whispered "tonight." I gave a tiny nod and went on my way.

The rest of the morning was odd. I'd never really had friends that I would miss. All the occupied rooms on the second floor were open, and girls scurried in and out, passing notes and gathering addresses. We cried together and laughed together, and by the afternoon, the palace had turned into a far more serious place than it was when we came.

No one was left in my little wing of the hall, so there was no sound of maids rushing to and fro, or of doors closing. I sat at my table, reading a book as my maids dusted. I wondered if the palace always felt this lonely. The emptiness made me miss my family.

Suddenly a knock came at the door. Anne rushed to get it, looking at me to make sure I was prepared for a visitor. I gave her a small nod.

When Maxon came into the room, I jumped to my feet.

"Ladies," he said, looking to my maids. "We meet again."

They curtsied and giggled. He acknowledged them and turned his eyes to me. I hadn't realized how eager I was to see him. I stood by the table in a daze.

"Do forgive me, but I need to speak with Lady America. Would you give us a moment?"

There was more curtsying and giggling, and Anne asked—with a tone that implied near worship of the prince—if she could bring him anything. Maxon declined, and they left us. He had his hands in his pockets. We were silent for a while.

"I thought you might not keep me," I finally admitted.

"Why?" he asked, sounding honestly confused.

(edit)

"Because we're just friends. Because you said you didn't want to keep unnecessary people and I thought that might be me. Because sometimes it feels like we fight more than we get along. Because…" Because I have a complicated thing going on with my ex that may qualify as treason, I thought.

Maxon closed the distance between us slowly, choosing his words as he walked. When he finally reached me, he picked up my hands in his and explained everything.

"First, let me say I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so sensitive about your insights when I asked for them." His voice was completely sincere. "It's just that some of the committees and my father are already pressuring me in this, and I truly want to be able to make the decision for myself. It was frustrating to run into another situation where my opinion wasn't being taken seriously." I processed this. I guess Maxon was only asking for information not predetermined assessments.

"Another situation?" I asked.

"Well, you've seen my choices. Marlee is a favorite with the people, and that cannot be overlooked. Celeste is a very powerful young woman, and she comes from an excellent family to align ourselves with. Natalie and Kriss are charming girls, both very agreeable and favorites of some in my family. Elise happens to have relations in New Asia. Since we're trying to end this damn war, that is something to take into consideration. I've been debated down and cornered from every side on this decision."

There was no explanation for me, and I almost didn't ask for it. I knew that we were friends and that I had no political uses at all.

"And why am I still here?" My voice was barely above a whisper. Was it only because he was too good to break his promise. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.

"America" He cupped my face like he did the other day and I thought he might kiss me. And whatever god creates confusing feelings seemed to be focusing an awful lot on me. When I was finally looking into his eyes, he confessed, "Cause I wish for once in one way to be selfish and keep you here." he brushed my hair behind my ear, "Please, don't doubt for a moment that I care for you. Deeply."

"And I you." I felt eminence safety with Maxon here, a safety I could not dictate to just friendship. And than guilt. I thought about Aspen and what I'd done, and I felt so ashamed. Even though Maxon new some of it and we were clear on being just friends….it almost felt like I was cheating on him. I pulled him in tight.

After a minute or so he sighed "What's wrong?" I asked.

He shook his head. "They were so fast this time." Maxon's voice was full of an aggravated wonder at the talents of the rebels. I suddenly wondered how close to disaster I had come by trying to save my maids.

"I'm getting more and more worried, America. North or South, they're getting exceptionally determined. It seems they won't stop until they get what they want, and we haven't the faintest clue what it is." Maxon looked confused and sad. "I feel like it's only a matter of time until they destroy someone important to me."

He looked into my eyes.

"You know, you still have a choice in this. If you're afraid to stay, you should say so." He paused, thinking.

"Maxon, you know better than to think I would want to be anywhere that you're not. Our lives feel so intertwined now. And I want to be there for you to lean on so you don't always have to act so strong. As things get harder it just means I'll be closer."

He let out a sigh of relief and seemed to melt into me. With my head there against his chest, I could faintly make out the sound of his heart beating through his suit coat. I ran my hand down his coat sleeve, "Shhhh just breathe everything will be okay."