Performances with Robin go spectacularly. No one would know he learned the dance in a day with the way he has mastered it. Regina wishes, not for the first time, that she had that level of talent, could jump into something with such ease, but Robin's a better dancer than she is, always has been, always will be.
Last night Killian came to see it and he gave it rave reviews, despite the fact that they had only performed it once before that. Regina had been a little uncomfortable when Killian teased her for the increased sexual tension with Robin, but not one to miss an opportunity to rag on Killian (and to deflect from the reality), she'd teased back with, "That's what happens when my partner is actually good looking."
"Please, love, I'm the striking one," Killian had said, and she eye-rolled before telling him that he needed to start wearing his eyepatch again since he clearly cannot see.
It had devolved from there, as it always does with Killian, but she'd made a point later on to tell him how happy she was to see him in high spirits. She can't imagine that it was easy for him to watch someone else dance his role, but if there was any resentment he hid it extremely well, seeming genuinely happy for them.
Daniel's flight gets in after the show tonight, and it's hard for Regina to think about anything else. That leaden weight in her chest is back full force as she warms up with Robin, and she cringes as she imagines Daniel watching this dance. He may think he'll be okay with it, but she knows he won't, that he can't be, because it's too real.
She feels physically ill because of how real it is. She is horrible for being attracted to Robin. Screw what the internet says, this is not normal, it's awful. She is every bit the ungrateful and rotten child her mother always termed her. She never appreciates what she has, and lets it go to waste under her neglect, or harms it beyond repair.
Why did she have to figure this out? All this revelation has brought with it is torture, and when she isn't wracked with guilt she feels guilty for that. What kind of a person doesn't feel horrible over jeopardizing their relationship, over not treating their partner the way they deserve to be treated? She already knew she'd been a bad girlfriend before all this, and now she has to come to terms with just how terrible she truly is.
What she wouldn't give for some form of a memory potion to take it all away. A single drink to take away the burden of this revelation. Ignorance really was bliss, and now she's in a hell of her own making.
Regina's former excitement over seeing Daniel is buried under the weight of an intense sense of dread. She's not going to tell him about her little attraction now, but Daniel will be able to tell, she just knows it. She will hurt him with this dance, whether he voices it or not, and she hates that. Then when she does tell him, he will look back on this and realize all his suspicions were right, that she made him feel awful for suspecting her for feeling exactly as she does.
Robin is nothing if not observant and in tune with her, so of course he asks what's wrong, and there's another good person in her life she's been messing up with. She's really going all in on screwing everything up.
After a moment, Regina sighs, not knowing what to say to Robin. She can't tell him the truth, but she could be truth-adjacent, which runs the risk of upsetting her more if he's negative about Daniel. She curses this for being so hard before reminding herself it's all her fault and so she deserves to suffer.
She lies through her teeth because apparently, that's what she does now, has been doing it to herself for months, and tells Robin, "I'm just antsy to see Daniel tonight. Time is moving at a frustratingly slow rate tonight."
Robin eyes her skeptically, "Is that all?"
Why can't lying to him be as easy as lying to herself?
Regina tilts her head down and looks him in the eye. "No, it's not. But… it's not something I can discuss with you."
Robin's eyebrows furrow. "You know you can tell me anything."
"I know I can, but sometimes I shouldn't."
Robin frowns, and great now she's worried him. "Well, now you have to tell me."
She sighs, going for the half-truth after all. "I don't want to hear a single negative thing about him, you hear me?" Robin's eyes widen and he nods as she belatedly realizes how sharp her tone was. She reminds herself to loosen up a bit and consciously softens her tone as she goes on. "Don't jump to any conclusions, but I'm worried about tomorrow, when Daniel sees our dance."
She thinks back to Mary Margaret's assumption about her and Robin, and she can only imagine what this dance is doing to feed that rumour mill. Everyone probably thinks they are doing it backstage, sneaking off into dressing rooms, going at it on those late nights at the studio. Fuck, this is a disaster.
"Do you think he's going to dislike your dancing?" Robin asks diplomatically, and she can tell he's trying to do what she asked, but this is a little too much. It irritates her, though it shouldn't, and her ire fuels her tongue.
"He's going to feel sick to his stomach watching his girlfriend writhing around on top of the man she kissed not so long ago. And worse, he's going to feel guilty for feeling bad about it because he trusts me and will have to hide his whole internal battle over it for the sake of my feelings."
Robin drops the act and asks her with surprising intensity, "Do you wish we hadn't done this dance?"
She chews at her bottom lip. How does she answer that question? It should be a simple yes or no, but it's not. If she had figured it all out because of the dance then yes, but it was before that. She has absolutely nothing to blame on her realization.
She would have been able to avoid Robin this week, could have had a lot less guilt, could have had a nice weekend with Daniel, but she wouldn't have gotten to dance this, would have been silently bitter about all the missed performances.
"I… I don't know, or I do." For fuck's sake, she need to just answer the question, how hard is that to do?
Focusing on what he asked and not all the negative thoughts that are swirling, she answers carefully, "No, I don't regret doing it with you. You did me a favour, made it so I could still dance." He did her a favour, and the last thing she wants is for him to feel guilty over that. "But right now, everything is complicated, and I feel like no matter what I do I hurt Daniel, and I hate it. Things used to be so simple, and they're not anymore. I can't seem to stop fucking it all up and…"
"Regina, you're not."
She scoffs, little does he know. "I am though. I'm fucking frustrated because nothing ever goes our way, not since Daniel didn't get the hospital here, and… I want to have a nice weekend with my boyfriend. I want to have dances where nothing goes wrong, but that's never in the cards for me."
Robin rests his palm on her lower back, caressing it softly and she flinches away as he says, "Love, you're spiralling."
While he's right (though he has no idea the extent because she's been at this for hours), that's not what she's focused on. No, it's that word. Love. He's called her that for she doesn't even know how long, and she's never put any stock in it. She knows it means nothing, but it bothers her now that she's aware of this heinous attraction. She wants to tell him to never call her that again, but that would raise suspicion, and she cannot handle that right now.
Daniel needs to get here soon, she needs something to distract herself from all of this before she drives herself mad.
Dance should be the distraction, is usually all she needs, but this one is too wrapped up in what (and who) has sent her spiralling, so it will only make this worse.
"Regina, love, what can I do?" Robin asks and the scared look on his face wipes away most of her ire over that word. She cannot snap at him, cannot unleash any of this fury at herself on him, because it will only make her feel shittier. She knows this, and yet the urge is so strong, she can barely resist it.
Answer the damn question, Regina. For god's sake, stop being so weak, so childish, such an utter disappointment. It's her mother's voice in her head berating her, but for once it is deserved.
She needs to say something, anything, but fuck, what can he do? Nothing. No one can, the only way out of this is for her to come clean to Daniel, but she's not strong enough to do that now. She needs time with him, reassurances, to bask in his love for a bit before she unloads on him and hopes to god she doesn't crush him.
"You can't. I fucked up, and I have to deal with it, but I just can't right now, all I can do is think about it…"
"And stress," Robin supplies, and she nods.
Robin looks at her hesitantly, "I know I said I wouldn't talk about it, but you don't need to be carrying so much guilt over the kiss, and frankly if Daniel is making you feel like you should—"
"He's not!" Regina hisses with far too much vehemence. "I did something else, now can you please just butt out? This mine to deal with."
"Okay I will," Robin says coolly and great now she's pissed him off, just another misdeed to add to her list.
"You were just trying to help, but I don't want to talk about it."
Robin nods, "You know that's all you had to say."
Why is he trying her patience like this? Oh, how she wants to snap back at him. She's tense, tight poised to strike and lash out at him, when someone drops their metal prop to the ground and a loud clang rings out.
She's tempted to now yell at them for being so careless, but the sound startled her enough to have her cognizant enough to know what a bad idea that would be.
Fuck, she needs to get out of here.
"Regina, where are you going?" Robin asks, and she doesn't dare look back at him as she tells him she'll be back in fifteen minutes after a run.
He's not really sure what that was. Regina's irked at him now, but for no good reason.
Normally Robin knows when not to push, but he really thought he was doing the right thing here, thought he'd be able to provide some measure of comfort. He usually can, but it's clear she doesn't want it, at least not from him.
It's about the dance, he knows it is, and he's annoyed with himself that he didn't consider this side of it. He's an arsehole, a right sodding idiot. He can't pretend Daniel's reaction never crossed his mind, because it did on multiple occasions, but never once did he think of what effect that would have on Regina. Once again his crush on Regina led him to act in a way that hurt her because he was too focused on his own selfish needs and interests. He justified it as helping her, but that wasn't what he was doing, he can admit that to himself now. It was more about getting close to her, about keeping her dancing, about making Daniel see that she needs to be dancing, about having Daniel see them dance together and experience the pain Robin does when he sees them together. None of those reasons did anything to help her.
Maybe it is a good thing she's leaving after all.
What Robin hates most of all is that he convinced himself he was doing something to help Regina when he volunteered to do this dance. He thought this was the right call, but he didn't consider the optics of it, at that time. She'd been hesitant, when she realized what he was offering, and he pushed her, thinking she was trying not to inconvenience him, and now look where it's gotten them. She's all conflicted over it, upset by it. He knows it's not the only thing weighing her down, but it's part of it and he hates it.
He wants to comfort her, unburden her, not hinder her with more problems, and like it or not, he has.
Him and Daniel. God, he hates that guy. Now more than ever. Daniel has it all, and yet he has Regina all terrified of losing him, and he doesn't trust her enough to let her do this dance in peace.
She's afraid of a fight, that has to be what this is about, she's psyching herself up over Daniel's potential reactions, and because Robin is wrapped up in it she's projecting some of her anger on him, which isn't exactly fair, but he's done other things that make him deserving of it.
For about the thousandth time he curses his stupid drunk ass for kissing her. Never did he imagine this as the ramification. He thought he'd lose her as a friend, that he would suffer for it, but that's not what happened. She's the one suffering, all because of him.
Daniel had better be on his best behaviour this weekend, damn well better reassure Regina and act his fucking age for a change. Or Robin might actually break down and give Daniel a very ill-advised piece of his mind, a surefire way to lose his best friend.
Thank god Robin had already decided to ditch his be nice to Daniel plan, because he can't imagine trying to suck up now.
Robin continues to torture and berate himself as he warms up at the barre, anxiously waiting for Regina to return. She comes back from her run sweat-slicked and breathing heavily, but looking less burdened, and Robin feels some of his tension bleed out, just at the sight of her. She's no longer wearing that mask that somehow only he can see through, so unless she's magically gotten better at hiding her emotions from him, things must be a bit better. He's so happy to see her doing better that he smiles like an idiot, but can't stop it.
She looks tired now, worn out from exertion and emotional turmoil, and he aches to hug her, to urge her to curl up in his chest and fall asleep, as if that were even possible.
But all he does is ask, "Are we okay?" and she nods, but it leaves him unsettled under his relief. He hates that something is bothering her that she feels she can't tell him about.
He needs to be a better friend to her. He needs to get over her, it's the only way to become the friend she deserves, but he's never going to do that while she's here. As long as she dances at Ballet West, Robin will have a smidgen of hope to hold onto. It's only once she's gone that the hope will be truly extinguished, and only then can he start to move on.
John was right, he does need to get over Regina. He needs to start trying, needs to get back out there.
And he's going to do that, starting this summer.
Regina meets Daniel at the airport, all anxious nerves until she sees him. She was expecting the worst, that he'd somehow know and come off the plane scowling at her, but he's smiling, and it's with sheer relief that she throws herself into his arms, letting him kiss her soundly just outside the baggage claim.
She's been a mess of stress and self-loathing all day, which took its toll, left her feeling exhausted, but now she's energized as they get in a cab. They cuddle up as best they can in the backseat as Daniel tells her about his day, the flight, how excited he is for the summer together. He still loves her, still sees her as someone deserving of his love, and it helps. She'd been catastrophizing, and while she knows the worst is yet to come, she takes comfort in this moment of normalcy. The guilt is still there, that slithering shame still present, but she uses them to push her to be better here and now, to appreciate this moment.
Then as they get closer to her place, Daniel starts to whisper inappropriate suggestions in her ear that make her blush and squirm.
When they were younger, drunker and bolder, they'd been scolded for getting handsy in a cab, a memory Daniel revisits as his hand slides up her leg amidst a seemingly innocent comment asking if it's supposed to be wet tonight. Regina shivers under his touch while snickering at his bad pun and their driver's assurance that it's not supposed to rain.
That hand on her leg rises higher and she arcs a brow at him. She knows he won't do more than that, that they learned their lesson with that long ago, but it doesn't stop the anticipation.
Regina's practically vibrating with excitement when they reach her apartment building, and Daniel's suitcase is dropped onto the floor of the elevator as she claims his lips for the short ride. She needs to connect with him again, be reminded of how good she has it, of how much she loves and lusts for him.
They make it into her apartment amidst a slew of kisses, and she's grateful for the late hour, which ensures her judgy neighbour, Ms. Bleu, won't come out to see what the noise is all about and make not-so-under her breath comments.
Daniel slams the door forcefully and she laughs, pulling his hand toward her bedroom, but it seems he has other ideas. She's pushed up against the door, his mouth busy on her skin and his hands divest them both of their bottoms.
He's so hard, and she vows to make this amazing for him. She's going to make him feel damn good this weekend, show him how much she appreciates him, show him that she wants him. She'll remind them both that she wants him and only him.
She's not quite as ready as he is, something she doesn't help at all by taking him between her lips. She means to get him off that way, right here in her front entry, but soon he's begging to be inside her, and if that's what he wants, that's what he gets.
She grimaces a little as he enters her, not quite wet enough for the intrusion to feel welcome, instead of uncomfortable.
Daniel pauses once he's buried deep, panting heavily as he gives her a moment to adjust. He is so far gone, she can see it in his eyes, and it thrills her how desperate he is for her.
"Oh, fuck, are you, I need to, can I move, baby?" hHe asks, and she nods her assent.
He starts up a slow rhythm and after a moment, breathes, "Fuck, I won't last, baby, I'm sorry. You feel too good, I can't."
She never thought she was coming from this, and urges him on. This is for him, they'll get to her later, and even if they don't, making him feel good is enough for her.
Daniel fucks her quick and hard against the door, coming with a strangled moan a few moments later, while she urges him on. He sags against her as they catch their breath, muttering an unnecessary apology for finishing so quickly.
Men.
She reminds him for the hundredth time that she loves how he can't get enough of her, that the fact that he can't control himself is hot, and that he can always see to her later. She just wanted to feel close to him, doesn't need an orgasm, and probably doesn't deserve it after everything.
But Daniel doesn't know how bad she's been, and for now, she's going to soak up the comfort of his presence.
They settle in her bed, stripping fully before going under the covers, giggling at their half-dressed states, and the clothes still strewn in the entry. This is a benefit of having the place to themselves, no need to hide the evidence of their little tryst from Kathryn. They've fucked in the kitchen and living room before, but never against the door like that. Normally Kathryn's here when he gets in and it's all (apparently not so) muffled moans, and whispered cries.
It's nice not to have to stifle themselves, and Regina plans to take full advantage of having the place to themselves.
For now though, she's tired, though still annoyingly anxious. She tucks her head into Daniel's chest, and breathes him in, revelling in him. This is what she wanted, this is what she needed. This is what she has to protect. This feels right, almost all of her worries dissipating when he pulls her in closer. Her chest is still tight, there's still lead deep in her gut, but that's not going away until she comes clean; it is her burden to bear. Nothing alleviates the guilt, nor should it, but she tries to push it from her mind and enjoy this moment, to stay present with Daniel. She drinks in the intimacy of it, of the comfort of the silence.
As she lays there, an ominous feeling of impending doom overtakes her, and she clutches harder to him to try and chase it away.
When that fails, she initiates round two, attempting to chase away the darkness with pleasure, but it also doesn't work. She lies awake as Daniel sleeps merrily beside her, and prays for a better day tomorrow.