Disclaimer: I own nothing!

"mad woman" by Taylor Swift
Every time you call me crazy
I get more crazy
What about that?
And when you say I seem angry, I get more angry

And there's nothing like a mad woman
What a shame she went mad
No one likes a mad woman
You made her like that
And you'll poke that bear till her claws come out
And you find something to wrap your noose around
And there's nothing like a mad woman

BPOV

After the short break for lunch, Charlie and I made our way back into the courthouse. I went to the restroom, still feeling upset to my stomach at the thought of having to testify next. I splashed my face with some cool water and gently patted it dry. I straightened my blouse as I looked at myself in the mirror: you can do this; you can do hard things.

I took another deep breath then made my way back into the courtroom to sit next to Charlie.

We all rose as the judge walked in, and we started right where we left off. The DA stood up and called me to the stand.

. . . . . . .

Witness 5: Me

I tried to remember Stevie's stoic, don't-fuck-with-me vibe. I wanted to channel that type of energy, even though I think I was shaking with nerves, as I stood up and walked to the witness stand. I stood behind the chair and turned to the judge.

"Please raise your right hand and respond to me," the judge said. I raised my right hand. "Do you solemnly, sincerely, and truly declare and affirm that the evidence you shall give is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"Yes."

"Please be seated, Ms. Swan." I sat down and took a deep breath as the DA situated himself behind the podium. He asked me to say and spell my name, which I did.

"Let's start with some background information on your relationship with Mr. Newton. Can you tell us how you know him?"

"I moved to Forks about a year ago and met him at school. We became friends since we had a lot of the same classes. He asked me out and we dated for about six months."

"Why did you decide to date Mr. Newton?"

It was hard for me to think about the old Mike… The one that I actually did like at one point in the past. "I thought he was friendly and outgoing… He was easy to get along with and talk to."

"What would you and Mr. Newton do together when you were dating?"

"Normal couple things, I guess. We would go on dates to the movies, go out for dinner, go to the beach, things like that."

"What was your physical relationship like with Mr. Newton when the two of you were dating?"

"Um," I said nervously. "We would hold hands, hug, and kiss."

"Anything else?"

"No."

"Did Mr. Newton ever say he wanted more in your physical relationship?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

I look a deep breath. "While we were still dating, Mike said he wanted us to have sex. I told him I wasn't ready to take that step. He broke up with me over it."

"So, you and Mike had broken up before he came to your house on March 14, 2020?"

"Yes."

"How long were you broken up before that day?"

"About two weeks."

"I know this may be hard for you, Ms. Swan, but I need you to tell me what you remember happening the evening of March 14, 2020."

I looked down and took a deep breath. When I glanced back up, I made the mistake of locking eyes with Mike. His face was completely neutral, almost bored. How could he sit there and not feel ashamed for his actions? He couldn't show any type of remorse at all for the pain he's caused me?

"Mike came over to my house uninvited. I was working on homework when he rang the doorbell. I answered the door and it was him. He came inside and said he wanted us to get back together. I told him I did not want to… The next thing I knew… Mike was kissing me and holding me tightly. I pushed him away and told him again that I didn't want to be with him anymore. He… got angry, grabbed my wrists, and started pushing me back into a corner near the stairs in my house."

"What happened next?"

"Um…" I swallowed and closed my eyes for a second. "He… blocked me in the corner. He held my wrists in one hand and gripped my hip with his other hand. I tried to get away from him, but I… I couldn't." I felt the tears fill my eyes at the memories. I blinked a few times, trying to make them go away.

"How did you try to get away from him, Ms. Swan?"

I swallowed. "I… I tried to get my wrists free, but I couldn't. I tried to kick him, but his legs were pinning mine against the wall."

"Do you remember anything that happened next?"

"I remember him, um…" I reached up and wiped the tears that were spilling over. "Pushing my shirt up and… touching me over my bra… And pushing my pants and underwear down. I don't remember anything else after that until Detective Martin helped me up the stairs."

"What do you remember after Detective Martin helped you up the stairs?"

"I don't remember anything else until I woke up in the mental health hospital four days afterwards."

"Why did you have to go to the mental health hospital?"

I took a deep breath. "I tried to kill myself by taking a lot of different pills."

"Have you ever felt suicidal, depressed, or anything similar before that incident?"

"No."

"How long were you in the mental health hospital?"

"Two weeks."

"How did you feel when Mr. Newton had you pinned in that corner as he forced himself on you?"

"Terrified."

"No further questions, Your Honor." The DA said before going to sit down next to Charlie.

Mike's attorney stood up from her chair and made her way to the same spot the DA was just standing in. She set her legal pad down and looked up at me.

"Ms. Swan, did you love Mr. Newton when you two were dating?"

I had to think about that one for a second. I remembered telling Maddie, when I was in the hospital, that I thought I loved Mike. But did I? When I asked myself this question now, the first person that popped up in my mind was Jacob… Jacob was love. I just never thought about it that way, but now that I had, I knew it was true. If Jacob was love, then I definitely never loved Mike.

"No," I answered confidently.

"Didn't you tell Mr. Newton that you loved him when you were dating?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"So, you did love him?"

"No… I thought I loved him but realized that wasn't love. Someone you're in love with would never assault you the way Mike assaulted me." After I said the words, I let my gaze travel back to Mike as I slightly narrowed my eyes at him. That felt good.

"Me. Swan, you said that you decided to date Mr. Newton because he was friendly and easygoing. Before your breakup, what was it like to date Mr. Newton?"

"It was fine." I said, trying to mimic Mike's neutral, bored expression.

"You must have enjoyed the relationship if you stayed with him for six months, right?"

"I guess."

"You don't just stay in a relationship with someone for no reason, Ms. Swan. You must have liked Mr. Newton, right?"

"At the time, yes."

"How often did you and Mr. Newton engage in the physical part of your relationship – the hand holding, hugging, and kissing?"

"I don't know. Frequently."

"But there were never any times when it was more than those three things?"

"No."

"Would the two of your make out?"

I blushed. "Yes."

"How often?"

"I don't know… Occasionally."

"Would Mr. Newton ever try to take things further?"

"Yes," I responded.

"How so?"

"He would move his hand up my thigh or toward my chest. He would move my hands, so I was touching him where he wanted me to... I would always stop when he did things like that. He also told me that he wanted us to have sex, but I told him I wasn't ready."

"So, you would just lead Mr. Newton on?"

"Objection! Leading the witness and argumentative." The DA yelled.

"Overruled," the judge said. "Please answer, Ms. Swan."

"Um, no." I said.

"But you just said that you would make out with Mr. Newton to the point where he thought things could go further, then you would stop him. Isn't that what you said?"

"Yes."

"How is that not leading him on?"

"Women always have the right to say no if they're uncomfortable with something, and I was uncomfortable." I said sternly.

"Even if that's hurting their partner?"

"Yes."

"Seems selfish to me. Shouldn't you want to please your partner in a relationship?"

"Objection, argumentative!" The DA yelled.

"Overruled. Please answer, Ms. Swan." The judge said to me.

"Not when your partner is forcing you to do something you don't want to do."

Mike's attorney cleared her throat. "Did you enjoy making out with Mr. Newton when you were dating?"

I took a deep breath and sighed. "At the time, yes."

"And, when you were dating, Mr. Newton always stopped if you spoke up about feeling like he was going too far when the two of you would make out?"

"Yes."

"Did you ever tell Mr. Newton to stop when he was kissing you on the evening of March 14, 2020?"

"No, but I –"

Mike's attorney cut me off. "Did you scream?"

I tried to explain. "No, but I –"

She cut me off again. "Did Mike actually rape you, Ms. Swan?"

"He tried to."

"But did he?"

"No."

"It sounds like Mr. Newton was unaware that you were not enjoying the interaction on the evening of March 14, 2020 if you never spoke up to tell him otherwise. Did this so-called incident even impact you, Ms. Swan?"

"Yes." I said through gritted teeth.

"How?"

"Well, I tried to kill myself over it, so I think that qualifies as 'impacting me.'" I said hastily.

"But you can't remember your motives around that, or even the act of doing it at all, right?"

I sighed. "Right."

"And you are in a new relationship with someone else currently, aren't you, Ms. Swan?" Was she talking about Jacob? How did she know about him?

"Objection! Relevance?" The DA spoke up.

"Overruled," the judge said. "You may answer, Ms. Swan."

That's when I realized that my interaction with Jacob in the parking lot at the beginning of lunch was contributing to this question. I felt stupid for not even considering how that could be used against me. "Um," I swallowed. "Yes."

"So, this so-called incident with Mr. Newton hasn't even affected your future relationships thus far, correct?"

I closed my eyes. "Correct."

"No further questions, Your Honor." Mike's attorney said before going to sit down.

"DA Peterson?" The judge asked.

The DA stood up. "No further questions, Your Honor."

"You may go back to your seat next to your father, Ms. Swan." The judge said.

I stood up quickly and scrambled back to my comfortable seat next to my dad. He put his arm around my shoulders as soon as I sat down.

. . . . . . .

Witness 6: Maddie Winters

The DA called Maddie to the stand next. The same process occurred – she took the oath before being seated. The DA asked Maddie a lot more questions about her background, schooling, and trainings. After those questions, he asked to qualify Maddie as an expert witness, and the judge agreed.

I must have looked confused, so Charlie leaned over and whispered, "That's a good thing because now she can offer her professional opinion." I nodded in understanding.

"Please tell us about your work thus far with Ms. Swan." The DA said.

"I have been Ms. Swan's individual therapist since she was admitted to the mental health hospital. After she was released, we've continued having weekly sessions that are still occurring now."

"What has your treatment focused on?"

"Stabilization to ensure Ms. Swan is free of suicidal thoughts and processing trauma related to the sexual assault that occurred from Mr. Newton."

"What was Ms. Swan like when she first came to the hospital?"

"First, she had to undergo medical treatment due to the pills she took from the suicide attempt. I am not familiar with that medical process. Once she was cleared by doctors, which took three days, my treatment with her started. Ms. Swan was very dissociative at first. By the fourth day, some of her memories started to resurface, and she made a couple of friends."

"Can you please explain what it means to be 'dissociative'?"

"When we perceive a threat in our environment, our body automatically goes into fight or flight mode. This means that our body releases stress chemicals to make us equipped to fight off the threat or run quickly way from the threat. When our brains believe that we are not able to fight or flee, a freeze response is initiated by the parasympathetic nervous system. This freeze is our brain's way of shutting down, or being dissociative, to protect us from actually experiencing the pain of the possible threat."

"So, is it accurate to infer that Bella's brain thought Mr. Newton was such a dangerous threat that it actually shut down for almost a week after the assault occurred from Mr. Newton?"

"Objection!" Mike's attorney yelled. "Leading the witness!"

"Overruled. Please answer, Ms. Winters."

"Yes," Maddie said. "That's an accurate inference."

"Would this dissociation-response also be the reason that Ms. Swan tried to commit suicide after the assault with Mr. Newton?"

"Yes."

"So, then, it would also be safe to assume that if Mr. Newton caused the dissociation, then he also caused Ms. Swan to attempt suicide?"

"Objection! Leading, Your Honor!" Mike's attorney yelled again.

"Overruled." The judge answered.

"You may answer, Ms. Winters." The DA said.

"Yes, Mr. Newton is the reason that Ms. Swan attempted suicide. There's no other explanation. Ms. Swan has no prior mental health struggles. All her symptoms occurred after Mr. Newton assaulted her."

"When our brains are dissociative, are we able to scream or fight off an attacker?"

"No, those parts of the brain shut down, essentially."

"Would that be why Ms. Swan was unable to scream or tell Mr. Newton to leave her alone when the assault was occurring?"

"Yes, absolutely. The part of our brain that is in-charge of language shuts off when we are highly distressed. If your brain dissociates, you are not able to verbally communicate or fight off an attacker."

"Are you aware that Ms. Swan has a new boyfriend?" Ugh, why was this the topic everyone was focusing on now? I felt myself blush.

"Yes."

"Is it odd for Ms. Swan to have another partner so soon after the assault?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Just because she was assaulted by one boy does not means she should live in fear about other boys. Ms. Swan has worked a lot on empowerment and learning to take care of herself. There aren't many women I know who haven't been sexually assaulted or harassed in some way, and they are still capable of having healthy relationships with men that are not misogynistic."

"Thank you, Ms. Winters. No further questions." The DA came to sit back down.

Mike's attorney strode up to the podium and set her notes down in front of her. "Ms. Winters," she began. "You said that you did not interact with Ms. Swan until three days after her suicide attempt, correct?"

"Yes."

"How can you make inferences about Ms. Swan disassociating during the alleged assault from Mr. Newton if you did not evaluate her yourself until three days later?"

"From the information I received from Mr. Swan, Ms. Martin, and the doctors at the hospital, I was able to determine that's what was occurring for Ms. Swan. Also, another patient in the mental health hospital assaulted Ms. Swan while she was there, and she dissociated right after that incident also. She had the same response as was described by both Mr. Swan and Ms. Martin."

"Ms. Swan was assaulted in the mental health hospital also?" I felt Charlie's hand on my shoulder. I wasn't sure if he knew about that happening. I shuddered as I thought about Derek again now.

I saw Maddie sigh. "Yes."

"What is Ms. Swan doing to make herself such a target for these types of attacks? It's quite strange that she would be assaulted twice in less than a week."

I felt my stomach drop. Maybe it was me. Maybe I really was the problem.

"It is never a woman's fault for being assaulted by a man. Men need to be taught how to treat women, but, instead, our society focuses more on scaring women and telling them that they always have to watch their backs and be hypervigilant to attackers. Neither assault – from Mr. Newton or the patient in the hospital – is Ms. Swan's fault."

I felt like I was able to take a deep breath after hearing Maddie's words. She was right. This wasn't my fault. I was not the problem.

Mike's attorney very briefly glanced to me from the corner of her eye, and I swear I saw her lightly nod, sort of in a reverent way. "No further questions, Your Honor."

I stared, shocked for several seconds. Mike's attorney has been a bulldog against the past witnesses, but she stopped questioning Maddie that quickly – after Maddie said something so impactful that was in my favor? It didn't make sense. As soon as she sat down, I saw Mike's dad lean in and start whispering to her angrily. He looked frustrated.

The DA said he had no further questions, so the judge dismissed Maddie. She gave me a small, reassuring smile as she left the courtroom. After that, our last witness was called to the stand to testify.

. . . . . . .

Witness 7: Mike Newton

DA Peterson said he had no other witnesses to call, which meant it was Mike's attorney's turn to call witnesses. She called Mike to the stand next. Mike walked up to the witness stand, took his oath, then sat down. He looked smug, kind of confident. His attorney set her notes down on the podium and asked Mike the same identifying information as the DA had with all the other witnesses before asking specific questions about the case.

"Mr. Newton, please describe your relationship with Ms. Swan."

"When Bella first moved here, we became friends because we had a lot of the same classes. We eventually started dating."

"Why did you decide to date Ms. Swan?"

"She was smart, shy, and easygoing. I liked those things about her."

"But you eventually broke up?"

"Yes."

"Why did you two break up?"

"I broke up with her because she didn't seem happy with me anymore. She seemed kind of depressed, actually. I thought it was because of me, so I broke up with her so she could be happy."

I sucked in a sharp breath and felt Charlie put a hand on my shoulder again to steady me. It was a good thing he did because I almost yelled out again.

"How was sex a factor in the breakup?" His attorney asked.

"It wasn't." Liar, I thought, as he responded.

"Tell me about your physical relationship with Ms. Swan when the two of you were dating."

"We would hug, hold hands, and kiss. That was it."

"Did you want more than that?"

"Yes."

"What did you want?"

He chuckled lightly. "Well, I wanted us to have sex, sure, but it wasn't anything I ever actively pursued."

"Did you ever voice that to Ms. Swan while you were dating?"

"No." Another lie.

"Did you ever try to show her that you wanted more by your actions?"

"No." Lie again.

"Tell me what happened on the evening of March 14, 2020."

"I was feeling sad about breaking up with Bella, so I went to her house to try and reconcile our relationship. I missed her. She answered the door to let me in. I told her I wanted to get back together, and she said she wanted to also. We started making out. Bella pulled us toward a wall by her stairs and took off her pants and underwear. I just took my pants off when her dad got there. I think her dad scared her, which made her panic because she was enjoying the moment with me before he got there…"

I think I started shaking. Charlie's grip on my shoulder tightened. I had to continue reminding myself to stay quiet and take deep breaths.

"What happened next?"

"When Charlie got there, it was kind of like Bella fainted, probably because she was freaked out that her dad caught us. Her dad started yelling at me, then he tased me. I don't remember much after that until I was sitting on the floor in handcuffs by their front door."

"So, you didn't force Ms. Swan to kiss you?"

"No, of course not." He said with a serious expression.

"You didn't force Ms. Swan to take off her pants and underwear?"

"No, I didn't."

"You didn't hold Ms. Swan against her will?"

"No."

"Did Ms. Swan ever verbally tell you that she wanted the interaction to stop?"

"No."

"Did Ms. Swan give you any cues with her body language that she wanted the interaction to stop?"

"No. I thought she was enjoying herself."

"Did you love Ms. Swan when the two of you were dating?"

Mike sighed. "Yes, I did. Very much. I would have never hurt her intentionally."

"What do you think about Ms. Swan's suicide attempt and time spend in the mental health hospital?"

"It doesn't surprise me, honestly. Like I said earlier, I thought Bella was kind of depressed because she wasn't acting like her normal, happy self. That's why I broke up with her; I thought she would be happier without me."

"No further questions, Your Honor." Mike's attorney said before returning to her chair.

The DA stood up and walked over to the podium. "Mr. Newton, please describe your physical interaction with Ms. Swan on March 14, 2020 in more detail."

"How so?" Mike asked.

"Describe how you were touching her and how she was touching you."

He cleared his throat. "After we both agreed that we wanted to get back together, Bella stepped toward me and kissed me first. I wrapped my arms around her back, and she held onto my shirt as she pulled us toward the wall near her stairs. My arms stayed around her back and hers were around my neck."

"What did Ms. Swan's face look like when you first got to her house?"

"Uh, normal?" Mike answered, confused.

"Did she have any strange marks or anything on her face?"

"No, not that I remember."

"Did you ever hold Ms. Swan's wrists or hips during that physical interaction with her?"

"No."

"Interesting," The DA mused. "What could have caused Bella to have red marks on her wrists, hip, and face once the physical interaction with you was stopped?"

"I don't know."

"You do know, Mr. Newton. There's no way Bella had those marks before you came over. They happened when you were there. They came from you restraining her against her will, not allowing her to leave. When she tried to get away, you gripped her tighter. Isn't that right, Mr. Newton?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Argumentative and leading!" Mike's attorney shouted.

"Overruled. Please answer, Mr. Newton."

"No," Mike said.

"No? Then please explain how she could have gotten them when you previously said she had no marks on her face and that you were not holding her hip or wrists."

"I don't know!" Mike shrieked in frustration.

"Seems to me that you do know, but you are refusing to admit it… When Chief Swan arrived home, he asked you to let go of Bella and move away from her, but you didn't. Why?"

"I was just surprised that he was there, and it was taking me a second to register what he asked me to do."

"Chief Swan saw you holding Bella's wrists above her head and holding her hip. He saw you use your strength to keep Bella against the wall. But you're saying none of that happened?"

"Objection! Asked and answered." Mike's attorney chimed in.

"Sustained. Move on, counselor."

"No further questions, Your Honor." The DA said before coming back to his seat. Mike's attorney said she had no further questions, so Mike was told to return to his chair.

. . . . . . .

Verdict

Both attorneys gave their closing statements, basically just summarizing everything that we've already heard today. It was painful listening to Mike's attorney's recap of the day, but it wasn't anything I hadn't already heard. She basically said that I brought all of this on myself by leading Mike on, and Mike had no idea that I wasn't enjoying our interaction because I never spoke up or screamed to get away from him. She also said that the witnesses on my behalf were biased – Charlie because he is my dad, Stevie because she's triggered by the situation herself, and Maddie because she only hears my side of the story in our therapy sessions. She also recapped on how my memory gaps leave room for error. She said that I could have been struggling with more severe mental illnesses, that were unknown since I have only been living with Charlie for about a year, that caused me to attempt suicide.

"Mr. Newton, please stand," the judge said after the closing arguments.

I looked over at Mike and saw him stand up with his attorney and with his parents. Charlie's hand was still on my shoulder. I felt all my muscles tense as I held my breath unintentionally.

"Mr. Newton, there has been quite a bit of discrepancy between testimonies. Ms. Swan may have been engaging in consensual sexual activity with you at first, but she, clearly, sustained physical and mental injuries from your interaction. Ms. Swan had visible red marks around her wrists, on her hip, and on her face. Less than 24 hours after the battery and false imprisonment, Ms. Swan was admitted to a mental health hospital for attempted suicide that seems to be directly linked to the pain in which you caused her. Mr. Newton, I find you guilt of both battery and false imprisonment." The judge paused to take a deep breath. I was, literally, sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to find out what Mike's punishment would be for his actions now that he was officially found guilty.

The judge continued. "I do not think you understand the seriousness of the harm you have caused to Ms. Swan. However, because this is your first offense, and because you are a minor, it is the disposition of this Court that you be sentenced to complete 50 hours of community service and a sexual assault and harassment seminar to prevent any future discrepancies in this area."

Soon after delivering the verdict, the judge said that court was adjourned before he banged the gavel and stood up to leave.

I waited for more, but more never came.

And that was it.

I sat through this awful court hearing for Mike to get 50 hours of community service and an obligation to complete a generic seminar?

That was all?

Really?

I felt frozen to my chair as Mike and his family shuffled out of the court room.

Mike didn't have to spend any time in the Juvenile Detention Center? He didn't have to get treatment at a residential treatment facility? He didn't have to engage in mental health counseling? He didn't have to get a psychological evaluation? He wasn't going to have this on his record?

This did not feel like a victory.

This felt like a loss. Is this how it was for all women in these situations?

I didn't hear anything else going on around me. I wasn't really aware of anything until Charlie said it was time to go. I stood up and followed him out of the court room.

A/N: I intentionally made the last two court chapters long and kind of drawn out to show the absurdity of the legal system for sexual assault survivors - all the emotional turmoil that, too often, leads to no profound justice. :(