She gasped, her eyelids fluttering as she bowed her head – Len was right behind her with her hair wrapped around his fist, his other hand between her thighs, and it was taking everything she had to hold herself upright.
Miku wasn't entirely sure what happened. All she recalled was knocking on his door, frustrated by her complete inability to remember anything for longer than three hours – when Len invited her into his room, his blue eyes filled with curiosity, she pounced on him, her fingers yanking on his collar so that she could press her lips to his.
He didn't respond immediately, probably startled by how abrupt she was, but after a moment he kicked the door shut and wound his fingers through her hair, his mouth hot and searching – she let herself drown in his kiss, his touch sweeping away all the irritation and concerns she had, and now here they were.
Most days, they were frantic, almost sloppy; his every action filled with desperation while part of her mind was awed by just how much he wanted her. But today was not one of those days. Today, Len was in control – he was slow and languid, almost lazy, and she braced herself against his desk, her head pressed against her forearms. "Len."
His name left her mouth, little more than a whimper, and he leant in, his lips ghosting across her shoulder. "Yes, Miku? What do you want?"
A thrill ran down her back at the sound of his voice, low and sensuous. She wanted him to say her name like that again, soft and husky, filled with desire. "I'm so close," she hissed, and his fingers paused, drawing yet another whimper out of her. "Please."
"Hm." Another kiss, this time against her bare neck, and she shuddered, sensitive to his touch. His lips lingered on her skin. "You're surprisingly impatient today."
"And you're being a tease." He nuzzled into her neck, dropping butterfly kisses down her throat to her shoulder. "I didn't come here wanting to get more frustrated."
"Is that so?" His fingers moved in delicate strokes, once, twice, and she moaned, her entire body jerking into his palm. "Could have fooled me."
"You know, when it comes to sex, you're a terrible person." It had been on her mind for a while – ever since he told her about his past, their little escapades had changed. Gone was the gentle Len who asked her at every step how she was feeling, whether she wanted him to stop, whether she had changed her mind.
Instead, he was deliberate and calculative, every action designed to make her plead, and truthfully speaking she enjoyed it. She didn't admit it out loud, not wanting him to think she was depraved or anything for enjoying this, but when his hips snapped forward, she was unable to hold back another moan, her legs trembling.
"I thought you liked it." There was the faintest hint of apprehension in his words now, and she glanced at him, studying his face – he was watching her, his eyes narrowed, and she saw a solitary drop of sweat rolling down his forehead onto his cheek.
"I'm not answering that," she said, and he smiled, tugging at her hair – her head tilted back, and she shut her eyes, holding her breath as she waited for him to move again. His fingers quickened, slick with her wetness, and that familiar tension was building within her belly. She exhaled through her nose, biting her lip in anticipation.
But then, right before she was pushed over the edge to completion, he stopped, and she whined, frustration tearing through her as she teetered on the precipice. "Len!" she couldn't help but snap, turning her head back to glare at him.
There was an emotion she couldn't read in those blue eyes. "Sorry, sorry." He smiled, and maybe if she hadn't been feeling so pent-up and needy, she would have forgiven him on the spot for that smile alone. "I was just thinking about something."
"What?" Her tone was still clipped, but she was curious now, her body slowly relaxing into his hand. "Can't you think about it after this?"
"I'd like to, but it's stuck in my head." He gently circled her clit with his thumb, almost an apology, and she felt a little whimper get caught in the back of her throat. "Maybe if you answered my question, I would stop being so distracted."
"What is it?" she gritted out, unconsciously rocking herself back against his hips.
"Are you and Gumo dating?" He sounded so matter of fact that for a moment, his question didn't quite register; then his words sank into her head and she stilled, her mouth falling open in surprise. She glanced at him again, wondering if he was joking, but he was staring back at her, and she saw no hint of amusement on his face.
She didn't know how to respond. Honestly, she and Gumo were…pretty complicated, and she could only blame herself for that. Neither yes nor no sounded like the right answer, but she knew she couldn't just stay quiet. Len was waiting.
"We…we aren't." Her voice broke, and she hurried to clarify. "I don't know where you heard that from, but it's probably because of what happened during winter break. We were playing a stupid game and I didn't want people to pry too much, so…"
She knew she was rambling now, and she cut herself off, not wanting to say anything else in case she ended up shooting herself in the foot. He shifted his hand, placing it on the small of her back, and she clenched her fists, hoping he would move. Her body was desperate for friction, and she was drawn so taut that she couldn't breathe –
His fingers sank into her skin and he began to push inside her, his strokes long and slow, and she threw her head back, gasping. "More?" he murmured, and she nodded frantically, not caring about how she might look – he let go of her hair, his free hand sliding down to her breasts, and when he flicked her nipple, she bit back a moan.
Len was slow but methodical, and it didn't take long before the tension was climbing back up; when her thighs tensed, her fingers scrabbling for purchase on the smooth wooden surface of his desk, he dropped his hand back to between her legs. Seconds later she found the release she'd been so eagerly seeking, and she hissed his name when she came, her eyes closing in bliss.
He didn't stop. Instead, he sped up, pushing her through her orgasm as he chased his own, and when he spilt inside her it was with a quiet groan, his fingers wrapped around her waist. She leant her cheek on the desk, the wood cool against her skin, and tried her best to recover. They stayed like this for a while, just breathing.
When he pulled out of her, she felt something warm trickle down her thighs and she squirmed, not wanting to make a mess on the floor. She heard footsteps, then there was the sensation of soft terry against her skin and she murmured her thanks as Len wiped her clean. "No problem," he said, tossing the towel on the desk.
"Why that sudden question, though?" she asked, finally calm enough to straighten up and pull her panties back on – they were gathered around her ankles, a conspicuous wet spot on the crotch, and she grimaced at how gooey it felt.
"Just curious." Len had tucked himself back into his pants, and besides the faint hint of pink in his cheeks and the sheen of sweat on his forehead, there was nothing else to hint at what they had done – even his hair was perfect, tied in his usual ponytail. "As you mentioned I heard a rumour, and…I thought maybe I should just ask you."
"Oh." She reached behind her, fiddling with her bra clasp. "Took you a while to ask, didn't it? It's been a few months since winter break."
He smiled, his eyes soft, and her stomach flipped – she wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and bury her face in his chest, inhaling his scent, but she didn't act on her impulse, trying to hook her bra back together instead. "I was a little scared."
"Of?" The clasp finally caught, and she smoothed down her shirt, trying to button it. Her fingers were trembling. "I wouldn't have been offended or anything."
"Yeah." His voice was quiet. She continued to work her way up the buttons, trying her best not to look at him. "But I didn't want to know the answer."
"Then what changed?" She was horribly nervous, but she hoped he couldn't hear it in her voice. The floor suddenly looked like the most fascinating thing in the world.
"We spend a lot of time together. And I was starting to feel…" He hesitated. "I started wondering about the rumours. It doesn't make sense that you would visit me like this, not if you two were dating."
She couldn't help but feel like she was being judged, somehow. "Wait. Do you think I'm the type to sleep around even when I'm in a committed relationship?" she asked, indignant. "Because I thought you knew me a lot better than that."
Len seemed to realise he had crossed a line. "I didn't mean it that way. It's just that you two are close and he called you sweetheart and everything, so I thought…"
"Gumo calls almost everyone sweetheart. It's his version of buddy." She relaxed a tiny bit now that she understood the way he was thinking. "Look. I'm not like that. If I'm together with someone then I'm not going to sleep around. It's not my thing."
"I know. That's why I was confused." All of a sudden, she remembered his hesitation, the way he withdrew after winter break, the way he kept asking if she was sure about him. If she was sure she would have no regrets. It was like a lightbulb had gone off in her head. "I don't…I didn't mind. But I thought you didn't want that for yourself."
He stared at her, and she swallowed, her final button slipping into place. "Why do you care about this, anyway?" she asked. "Does it matter how I feel?"
"Yeah. It does." His voice didn't waver. "Do you like him, Miku? You said that you two aren't together, but…that doesn't mean you have no feelings for him."
He spoke with an air of rationality, and she struggled to respond – this was harder to answer than his earlier question. If her relationship with Gumo was complicated, then her feelings for him were a complete mess. Len stood there, patiently waiting as she chewed on her lip, contemplating her reply. His face betrayed no hint of emotion.
"I…kind of like him. But it's hard to say because…" She paused, studying his face for his reaction; he didn't even flinch. "I like someone else too, and I can't decide."
God. She sounded so greedy. How hard could it be to pick someone? She closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him, and after a while, she heard a sigh – then a gentle hand touched the top of her head and she stiffened, startled by the sensation of Len's slender fingers carding through her hair. "You don't need to feel bad."
"Are you reading my mind?" She laughed, but it sounded closer to a choked sob, and his hand dipped down to touch her cheek. "Isn't it selfish of me to keep him waiting just because I can't make up my mind about the other person?"
"We all want more when it comes to love, isn't it?" he answered, quiet and calm. His voice washed over her, soothing as rain. "We can't help being greedy. We want things that we cannot have. I don't think Gumo would blame you for it. He's a nice guy."
"You sound pretty confident about that. Do you two even know each other?"
He chuckled. "I think I'm a decent enough judge of character." She opened her eyes at that, looking at him questioningly, and he clarified. "How many girls do you think have asked me out, not because they wanted me but because they wanted what I could represent? I never asked to be someone's trophy boyfriend."
She had to stifle a giggle at the dour look on his face. "When I was a kid, I was super envious of pretty girls. They always had so many boys asking them out."
"It's not fun, believe me. At least I'm a guy, so it's not so bad." He shook his head. "I remember this girl in my high school kept getting stalked by an older man. She had to make a police report to get him off her back. It even made it to the news."
"Oh." Miku could honestly say that she had never thought about it that way. "I'm surprised Rin never went through the same thing. The two of you look so similar, after all."
Rin was unquestionably pretty. She had the same intense blue eyes as her twin, the same delicate features, the same flaxen hair that glimmered underneath the sun, reminding her of spun gold. Len made a face. "No guy dares to go near Rin."
Which was probably a good thing. She could already imagine Rin beating up anyone who dared to try stalking her. Assuming the perpetrator could even keep up with her, to begin with. "That's good for her. She's not interested in romance, anyway."
He nodded, and they lapsed into silence. After a while, he turned away to tidy up his desk and she stared at him, entranced by the grace of his movements, watching how he picked up each item and considered it before placing it elsewhere. His desk wasn't very messy to begin with, and he was soon done with arranging things; he set a pen down and adjusted his laptop, then glanced back at her. "Who do you like?"
She blinked, the sudden words breaking her out of her reverie. "Oh. Um." She almost admitted the truth but then she recalled he had a crush and wondered for a fleeting moment if that crush was her. "I'm keeping that a secret."
"Oh, now I'm curious. Come on, tell me," he wheedled, and he sounded so unlike his usual self that she couldn't help but laugh, one hand darting up to cover her mouth. His gaze followed her hand, lingering on her lips, and she quietened, suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. Again, the suspicion that he might like her rose in her mind and she swallowed, unable to look him in the eye.
"Is it important? Why don't you tell me who you like first? That's a fair exchange," she said, attempting to divert his attention. Len didn't answer, and she peeked up at him – he was staring at the wall right behind her head, contemplative.
"My crush, huh?" he finally murmured. "Okay, I'll tell you. But since I asked first, you should be the first to answer too," he added, and she twisted her fingers, panicking.
Did she want to tell him? Rin's words lingered in her mind – if Len truly did like her, then she ought to confess. It was everything she had wanted since the night she first kissed him in the courtyard. But still, she hesitated. What about Gumo?
She was worrying too much, she knew that. It would be easier if she could simply go with the flow, but she wasn't the kind to let go so readily. "I think we can try to subvert some social norms here, so how about gentlemen first?"
"Creative, but no." He fell back onto his chair, a small smile on his face, and he looked so unfairly handsome that for a second her whole mind went blank. "I promise I won't judge you or anything if that's what you're worried about. It's a safe space here."
"I'm not worried about that. I just…" She drew a deep breath, clamping down on the urge to run out of his room. "Fine. I guess I might. Um. I might have a crush on –"
Before she could finish her sentence, her phone began to buzz, and she whipped it out of her pocket, grateful for the interruption. She didn't even look at the caller ID before picking up. "Hello?" she chirped, avoiding Len's stare.
"Hi, Miku! Luka here!" A somewhat familiar voice trilled, and her eyes widened as her fingers curled tight around her phone. "Sorry to call you out of the blue, but Gumo shared your number with me and I really need confirmation on that job by today."
"Oh! Um. Yes. I'll do it," she said, still in a daze – Luka cheered, and she shook herself, wondering if she was imagining things. "When do you want me to start?"
"Hm, why don't you come by tomorrow? You need training, and I'd like you to work a few shifts before we prepare for the party next weekend," Luka answered. "Is that okay with you? But feel free to ask me any questions you want now about the job!"
"I guess the only questions I have are, um…how many days am I expected to work in a week? And what's the pay like?" She shot Len a glance and found that he was now watching something on his laptop. At least he was no longer studying her with those piercing blue eyes – it was so hard to think when he was watching her like that.
"At least three! Pay-wise, we're competitive, especially compared to other restaurants. I'll tell you more tomorrow but it's more than minimum wage, don't worry."
"Yeah, I think that's all for now," she said, not taking her eyes off Len. Luka cheerfully said goodbye and she hummed something in assent; when the call cut, he glanced at her, pausing his screen. Len clearly had a great fondness for cat videos.
"Got a job?" he asked. She nodded, exhaling – the magnitude of what she just agreed to finally sank in and her stomach churned. Honestly, she'd only said yes because she was so surprised by the call, and she was already beginning to wonder if she'd made the right decision. "That's nice. It's hard to find part-time work nowadays."
"Are you looking for a job too?" Though she didn't think he'd have to. Rin's family was pretty well-off; Miku used to go to her house during high school to work on projects. Her dad was a director or something in a multinational company, so they were never short on money. She supposed their mother received alimony from him.
"Kind of. My dad is paying for my school fees right now," Len answered, his attention drifting back to his cat video. "But we'll have to pay him back eventually. It's a loan."
"A loan?" She wrinkled her nose. "That sucks. But Rin doesn't seem bothered…"
"She said she'll pay it back slowly. He's not charging interest, after all." He chuckled. "But I wanted to get this over and done with, so I thought it'd be good to save up for now. I used to model part-time for money, but I don't want to pick that up again."
She wasn't at all surprised that he was a model. "Why not? Does it not pay well?"
"That depends. Sometimes it's not worth it. You freeze on a bridge in the middle of winter with nothing but a coat and skinny jeans, and they pay you a couple hundred." He sighed. "And it's so uncomfortable. The weird positions you have to get into…"
Miku was glad that she had managed to distract him from their earlier conversation. "Have you met any supermodels? Or like, celebrities?"
He shook his head, his lips quirking up. "I'm not a big name in the industry. Most of the time, my shoots are for small companies looking to update their online catalogues. Nothing particularly special."
"Okay. Any companies I might recognise?" She drew closer to peer over his shoulder, looking at the cat video as it resumed playing – two black cats, one with a single white spot on its butt, were play-fighting in front of a tree.
"Hm, maybe. But I don't want to tell you which ones. That makes it too easy for you," he said, and she pouted, lightly shoving his shoulder. He let out an exaggerated gasp and she giggled, a hint of warmth spreading through her.
It felt nice spending time with Len, the two of them basking in the afterglow of sex. "Hey, look at this one," he said, going to the next video, and she watched as a young woman chased after four cats sprinting in all directions across a room.
"I like this." She didn't even notice she had said it out loud until he looked up at her, blinking. "I mean. This is good. Don't you enjoy it? Just…you know. Us chilling."
"Mm-hm." His smile was full of affection, and her chest ached. "It'd be fantastic if we could do this more often, don't you think?"
Slowly, she nodded, and part of her wondered if that was even possible – if there was a way she could manage her relationship with Len without having to turn Gumo down. The more she thought about this, the more impossible it seemed to become.