"Well," said the Doctor coolly, "You're finally awake."
"What?" said Gretchen, sitting up hazily, and seeing the bright lights of Sickbay, "How long was I out?"
"Over two days," said the Doctor, holding a scanner up to her brain, "I can't properly explain why you were under so much longer this time, but your mind needed the rest."
Gretchen sat on the medical bed as the Doctor finished scanning her, "Everything looks good, the damage to your brain is healed….I'm under orders to contact Commander Chakotay as soon as you wake up. It's evening here, why don't you have a nice meal while you wait for him to arrive?"
"Okay," said Gretchen uncertainly.
Moments later the Doctor brought her a replicated salad and fruit juice and she ate it in silence.
"Gretchen," said Chakotay cheerfully, walking in as she was finishing up, "How do you feel?"
"Better," said Gretchen truthfully.
"Good," he said smiling and nodding, "Would you be alright with coming to my quarters for a bit?"
"Sure," said Gretchen, finishing her juice and hopping off the medical bed.
They walked down the hallway, passing several crew members who looked worried and stressed.
They entered the turbolift. "Something's going on," said Gretchen, breaking the silence, "Something you don't want to tell me."
Chakotay sighed, "I suppose we figured it was better if you didn't hear it first thing upon waking up. Your mindset is a bit…delicate right now."
Chakotay looked at her and spoke softly, "There's something I want to discuss with you first anyway."
"Alright," said Gretchen, pushing her lips together. They rode in silence for a moment. This is the first time I've been alone with him since…well….since the last time…..
Gretchen clenched and unclenched her hands, facing forward, looking at the nondescript doors of the turbolift….and then found herself seeing Sickbay again.
"I've waited two weeks," said Gretchen's 17-year-old voice, "He's over the worst and we're all infected with the fungus anyway. I want to see him now."
"You have seen him," said the Doctor, looking awkward as he stood across from her in Sickbay, her father lying unconscious several feet away, behind a shield.
"I want to see him while he's conscious. I'm a full member of this crew, if I'm old enough to work my butt off in Engineering, I'm old enough to see my father."
"It has little do with your age," said the Doctor, still looking embarrassed, "Most people wouldn't think to leave instructions for this sort of thing. But thanks to that defective gene of his, he left very clear instructions, that you were not to see him in a fit of that type. This is what he wanted."
"What about what I want?" said Gretchen heatedly, "Mom always used to say funerals were for the living. Well, if he is gone, like you say, then shouldn't you do what's best for his family?"
"I am," said the Doctor unhappily, but firmly, "The senior staff agrees with me I'm afraid. B'Elanna's your godmother, you would've brought her with you if you thought she would agree with you."
The Doctor continued very softly, "I know it's hard to let him go, but it's what he would've wanted. For you to remember him as he was."
"I never even got to say goodbye," said the teenager, voice wavering, "TomTom said goodbye in his own way, even mom did."
"I know," said the Doctor, looking away as tears formed in her eyes, "It's hard to accept, but we often don't get to say goodbye to those we love."
Gretchen followed Chakotay out of the turbolift, surprised to find herself again able to function after a vision. But as she walked, the memory pulled her back in. Her stomach clenched, as she knew what was coming.
Gretchen left Sickbay as she started to cry, rushing as quickly as she could to the Torres Family quarters.
"Thomas!" yelled Gretchen urgently, "Thomas!"
"I'm here," said the 15-year-old, who looked much younger, came out of his bedroom. He saw her tears but smiled wryly, "What can I do?"
"I need you to get me into see daddy," she said, wiping her eyes, "Now that the quarantine is over."
"You've got it," said Thomas cheerfully, "I'll break that shield, no problem."
His young face turned serious for a moment, "Are you sure you want me to? Mom said it was a bad idea."
"I have to see him Thomas," said Gretchen, tears falling hot and heavy now, "He'll get better when he sees me. It'll be like TomTom. Maybe he'll think I'm his mom or his sister or something. But he'll get better. He'll come home."
"Okay, okay," said the teenager, holding up his hands, and smiling again, "I'll do it, no problem, today, this evening, as soon as we're off our shifts, you'll see him."
Gretchen yanked herself out of the vision, as she entered Chakotay's quarters. She focused on his calm voice as she was invited to sit on one of his dining room chairs.
"I wondered if you would teach me Final Card," he said smiling, pulling another set of the cards out, "You said when I gave you a deck that it was really ideal to tutor us all separately before a game. So why don't you teach me? You can teach Harry and Tom later."
wimp-o-will-wimp-o-will-wimp-o-will-wimp-o-will-wimp-o-will-wimp-o-will
"I don't want to be eased into it," said Gretchen, shaking her head as it started to hurt, "I need to focus. Tell me what's wrong."
"Daddy!" said Gretchen, rushing forward as the shield in Sickbay came down, the EMH briefly disabled. Chakotay was sitting up on a medical bed, a large cortical array covering most of the tattoo on his forehead. He turned to look at Gretchen hazily.
"It's me daddy!" said Gretchen, nearly dancing in happiness as she looked at him, awake and alive.
The man continued to stare at her blearily. She beamed back at him.
He struck faster than she could process. There were hands around her throat, choking and shaking her, and the face staring back at her was angry and grotesque. A guttural voice cursed at her as her throat started to collapse.
Gretchen gasped and shuddered, eyes wide as she stared at the contorted face, glaring at her with all the hatred in the universe.
Gretchen's head seethed with pain as she attempted to yank her mind out of the memory, but failed.
A moment later she fell to the ground, hitting her head as the Doctor rushed forward and sedated Chakotay.
The EMH reached down and pulled her up and onto a medical bed. He returned the shield to its place, and started to heal her throat.
"Being angry at you would be useless," said the EMH softly as he worked, "I understand why you had to try. But you must understand, the father you've known all these years, is dead."
"Gretchen," came Chakotay's voice, snapping in front of her face, and speaking urgently, "Did you have another vision?"
"Yes," she said, putting her head in her hands, defeated.
Her voice was very tired, "I just got out of Sickbay. I don't want to go back."
At this rate I'm going to spend the rest of my life in these visions, or unconscious in Sickbay.
"The Doctor wants you to meditate," said Chakotay's concerned voice, "He says it might help. If you're willing to try that, I think I can get you out of another day lost in Sickbay."
"A Vision Quest would only make it worse," said Gretchen pathetically.
"I understand," said Chakotay gently, "What about trying meditation with Tuvok?"
"Tuvok?" questioned Gretchen, head still in her hands.
"He's a master of Vulcan meditation. He's agreed to teach you. He says twice a day would be best. He can start right now if you like."
"Alright," said Gretchen reluctantly. I'm getting desperate.
"Breathe in and out," said Tuvok's calm voice as they knelt across from each other, a small table with a candle between them, "Look at the flame, focus on it. Focus your thoughts. There is nothing but the flame."
Gretchen tried, focusing on it, a million thoughts flickering in her mind.
"Listen to the rhythm of your heart beating. Remember the stars and how they glow and flicker. See that flicker in the flame."
Gretchen focused on the flame, and looked at its flicker, trying to narrow in on that thought only.
"Gretchen!" said Tom Paris cheerfully an hour later, as she exited Tuvok's chambers, "Great to see you conscious! We've been sent to escort you to dinner,"
"I've already had dinner," said Gretchen, raising an eyebrow, as they walked.
"Alright we've been sent to tell you things," said Tom, still smiling.
"And evaluate your responses and report to the Captain," said Harry, more seriously.
"But she gave you VIP replicator credits for this conciliatory meal," said Tom, "So whatever you want. But they don't roll over, and it has to be food."
"Something hot," said Gretchen, as they entered Mess Hall.
"Why am I not surprised?" said Tom, quirking an eyebrow and heading off to the replicators as she and Harry found an out of the way table. Mess Hall was close to empty, as it was too late for most of the crew to be eating.
A moment later Tom came back, holding a mug and an oddly shaped bowl, "Okay here you go," he said, "Bajoran chicken soup, your standard, and Betazoid chocolate mousse, you said that was your favorite dessert on your old ship, and it's the most expensive item on the menu, so I had to get it for you."
"Thank you," said Gretchen, smiling, "Aren't you all eating?"
"We already ate too," said Tom, "And I would insist on trying that chocolate mousse, but I think you're going to need all of it for this."
Gretchen rolled her eyes and went for the mug of soup first, "Alright," she said after taking a sip, looking over the rim, "Spill it."
Tom's eyes went wide, and Harry breathed in deeply.
"Well," said Harry, "The morning after you passed out….Tuvok successfully contacted the creatures….and you know, talking to them wasn't something the Captain could turn down. If anyone knows about the Rift, it's them."
"And what happened?" said Gretchen, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, we haven't really decided yet," said Tom.
"No, we haven't," said Harry, "We're investigating. So….nothing is a done deal, but they want us to meet with them on a moon we're orbiting."
"What?" said Gretchen slamming her cup of the soup so hard on the table that it came out the sides, "I tell her this entire crew…."
The crew members in the Mess Hall turned to stare at her.
Tom spoke quickly, "She wants us looking into it Gretch. She's asked us to help you go over everything if you're well enough. To see what holes we can punch in the meeting plans."
"The Captain officially put off our meeting date another week this morning," said Harry, "That makes it two weeks from now at least. We've got time to investigate."
Gretchen inhaled and exhaled slowly, closing her eyes and then opening them to look at Harry and Tom's concerned faces, "Alright," she said evenly, "Alright, what's the plan on talking to these creatures?"
Tom and Harry stood up to move their meeting to Tom's quarters after a brief explanation of the ship's status.
Gretchen took her mug but didn't touch the chocolate.
"Seriously? You don't want chocolate?" said Tom, "Now I feel bad for not asking you really."
"You did ask," said Gretchen, "Go ahead and eat it. I'm not in the mood."
"Alright," said Tom, looking at her oddly, but grabbing the bowl. They walked through Voyager's corridors in silence.
"So the current plan," said Gretchen heatedly as they entered and sat down, "Is to send out an Away Team and hope they don't get killed or infect the ship? Or both?"
"Well it sounds stupid when you put it like that," said Tom evenly as he took a seat across from Gretchen.
"It is stupid,"
"In its current form, I wouldn't call it brilliant," said Harry, sitting next to Tom, "But we're hoping to use shielding to protect the Away Team while on the moon, and a quarantine system in case they're infected."
"I'm not saying it doesn't need work," said Harry at Gretchen's dismal look, "But that's what you're here for, what everyone is here for."
"You can't trust them. This can't happen again."
Mary Paris' blue eye looked up at her, gashes in the side of her face exposing her brain. It was horrible, but Gretchen only felt numb.
"She's not….she's not dead…..is she?" said Lynna, warm body clutching Gretchen's side, looking so small, younger than she was, big brown eyes looking up at Gretchen's face.
"Thomas….Thomas," said Gretchen instinctively, staring at the man in the corner of the room, every muscle in his body tense.
"She's dead….." said the man, looking up briefly, eyes burning in a way Gretchen had never seen, "She died last night….one of those creatures killed her."
Lynna started to sob, clutching Gretchen tighter, but Gretchen felt nothing but a chill as if there was a draft nearby.
"Red Alert," said Gretchen, numbly.
"No," said Thomas, not even looking up, "I found that creature hours ago. He's dead now."
"Thomas, you should've woken us….."
"Don't you dare tell me how to handle this!" said the man's voice, looking at her now with a face like stone, "I took care of it. I secured the ship, I didn't put anyone in danger. This is my sister."
"She's my sister too," said Gretchen numbly, looking at Thomas' face, searching for anything familiar.
"Mary," screamed Lynna, throwing herself to the floor beside the brunette woman, sobbing horribly.