All's Well That Ends Well

Obi-Wan has a problem.

Originally posted in 2001 - Yappy Obi before he actually earned the name. No idea how this one holds up now, but this was as it first posted to many years ago.

(Qui-Gon had been wandering the Temple for an hour, searching for his missing Apprentice.)

Qui: Mace, have you seen my Padawan?

Mace: Lost him again hey Jinn? Maybe you should put a tracking device on him.

Qui: Ha ha...funny. So, you haven't seen him?

Mace: No. You can't reach him through your bond?

Qui: There's nothing there...it's like he's blocking me out.

Mace: Shielding from his Master? You should talk to him about that.

Qui: Thanks for the advice. If you will excuse me, I will continue my search.

(Qui-Gon leaves his friend, and strolls past the classrooms There, he runs into several of Obi-Wan's friends.)

Reeft: Good afternoon Master Jinn.

Qui: Afternoon to you Reeft and Garen. Have you seen Obi-Wan in the last hour or so?

Garen: No sir. I saw him this morning for sparring class, but not since.

Reeft: He may be with Bant. I haven't seen her recently either.

Qui: Very well, thank you both.

(The Jedi Master continued his search. Hearing the familiar voice of his old Master, he wanders in that direction. He arrives in the Garden of Fountains, to see Master Yoda and Bant standing next to the opening of a Water Well...talking to it.)

Yoda: Perhaps should you choose to listen, you would be on dry land...hmmm?

Bant: Is it cold down there?

Yoda: If responsible you were, be in this predicament you would not.

Bant: Hey Obi, see if this rock makes a big splash.

(All that's heard from the Well is a loud yell.)

Obi: OWWWWWWWWWW!

Bant: What happened?

Obi: You hit me Bant. Stop throwing things at me. This is not funny.

(Approaching the Well, Qui-Gon takes several deep breaths.)

Qui: Please tell me that Obi-Wan is not in the bottom of that Well.)

Yoda: Lack of training your Apprentice shows Qui-Gon. A reflection of his Master?

Qui: Master Yoda, I did not train him to jump into Well's. Nor did I ever have a problem like this when I was younger.

(Qui-Gon looks down into the Well, to see the sad eyes of his Padawan starring back at him from 15 feet down.)

Qui: Obi-Wan.

Obi: Hi Master. Um, I can explain.

Qui: Yes, I am sure you can.

Bant: Obi, LOOK OUT BELOW!

Obi: SITH! Bant? Cut it out. What was that?

Bant: One of your boots.

Qui: You do not have your boots on?

Obi: Well, uh...you see Master...it's like this...

Yoda: Listen to him, you should not. A fool he was. Let him stay in there, I would.

Obi: No, Master...get me out, please? I'm sorry. I was walking around the ledge...and I just kinda fell in.

Qui: And why were you walking the ledge?

Obi: Because I'm an idiot.

Yoda: Correct he is.

Obi: I was trying to...uh...impress...you see...I...

Yoda: A female I see.

Qui: Obi-Wan, please tell me before I start throwing things at you as well.

Obi: I...oh man...there was this...I...

Bant: He was trying to impress a girl, Master Jinn.

Qui: Ah yes, I see. Who, may I ask?

Bant: Padawan Robi...heehee! Master Jayco's Apprentice.

Qui: Uh, Obi-Wan...isn't she a tad bit old for you?

Obi: Not really...she's 19. Only 5 years difference.

Bant: Obi? She's almost a Knight, jeez. Have a thing for older women?

Obi: No, it's just...well...she's...oh...never mind...can you get me out of here please?

Qui: So, you were walking the ledge here, to try and impress Padawan Robi? And you fell in. How did you happen to lose your balance?

Bant: She said hi to him...and winked at him!

Obi: BANT! Shut up!

Qui: Now Obi-Wan, is that anyway to talk to your friends?

Yoda: Disrespectful his is. A mistake I made putting you together as Master and Apprentice?

Qui: No Master, there is no mistake. I will handle this. Obi-Wan why are you shielding me?

Obi: I'm not Master. I can't feel our bond either...must be this Well.

Bant: Hey Obi? Padawan Robi just came back in. I think she's looking for you.

Obi: DO NOT TELL HER WHERE I AM! I mean it Bant.

Bant: Okay...I won't say a word...(She drops another rock down the Well.)

Obi: GAH! Stop throwing rocks Bant. I am not target practice.

Bant: This is great Obi. The splash comes almost all the way back up here.

(Another rock comes flying by Obi-Wan's head.)

Obi: Damn it Bant!

Yoda: Young Bant that was not.

Obi: Master Yoda, if I may ask sir, why are you throwing rocks at me?

Yoda: Entertaining it is. Perhaps the initiates in the corner...try it as well they would?

Obi: Force!

Qui: Master Yoda, please, that is not necessary. However Padawan, I would like to know why you saw fit to remove your boots to walk the ledge.

Obi: I don't know why. It just seemed like the thing to do. I am only 14 Master. A teenager. We do stupid things sometimes.

Yoda: The truth he speaks.

Bant: I don't know Obi, I'm the same age as you, and I have yet to do anything so foolish.

Obi: That's because you are perfect Bant. You never do anything wrong.

Bant: Maybe you should follow my example then, huh? You don't see me stuck in the bottom of a Well, do you?

Obi: Okay, so this makes me look like a fool. There's a first time for everything.

Bant: First time? HA! What about the Dishwasher episode?

Obi: What are you talking about?

Bant: When Master Jinn got his hair caught, and you cut have his head off to get his him unstuck from the dishwasher. You looked pretty dumb there too.

Obi: How do you know about that? I didn't tell anyone about that...Master? I swear I didn't say a word.

Qui: No, you didn't...however...I did mention it to a few fellow Jedi.

Obi: YOU TOLD THEM WHAT HAPPENED? Behind my back? I am shocked. You betrayed your apprentice. Master, you should be ashamed of yourself. Spreading that story all over the Temple.

Qui: Would you stop. I didn't mean to tell anyone, it just slipped out. How you managed to keep your big mouth shut about it, I will never know.

Obi: How come when I say that, you force me into meditation for 72 hours?

Qui: It's simple. You are the apprentice, I am the Master.

Obi: Whatever. Can someone please get me OUT OF HERE? I am cold, wet and tired of looking up. I admit it, I was stupid in doing this...but I think I have suffered enough.

(A rock hit's Obi on the top of the head.)

Obi: Okay, whoever threw that, it hurt. It hit my head.

Yoda: Bulls eye I hit, practice makes perfect, does it not?

Obi: Masterrrrrr...get me ouuuuuuuut...pleeeeeeeaseeeee.

Qui: Are you whining?

Obi: Yes.

Bant: Obi, you shouldn't whine. Makes you look bad.

Obi: Oh, yeah, I forgot. So the fact that I am stuck in the bottom of a Well, does not make me look bad? Wait, what are those other voices I hear?

Bant: Oh just some initiates coming over to see what's going on.

Obi: Wonderful. I need a drink.

Qui: Obi-Wan, I cannot levitate you out because the structure is interfering with my Force abilities. So...let me find a rope.

Obi: Please hurry Master. It's freezing down here.

(Qui-Gon left to find a rope...while the others stood there, still talking to Obi-Wan.)

Yoda: Learned what have you, from this experience, young Kenobi?

Obi: Never try and impress a girl by doing something stupid.

Yoda: To learn, one must be taught. Qui-Gon, failing in this area he is.

Obi: No Master Yoda, he has nothing to do with this. This one is all me.

Yoda: Right you are. Leave you to your Master I will. But not before...

Obi: OW! Master Yoda, that one hit me on the nose.

Yoda: As I intended. My leave I take now.

(Yoda left the Gardens, nodding to Qui-Gon who was on his way back in.)

Qui: Okay padawan, let me tie the end of this in a loop and hand this end to you.

(The rope is lowered down, Obi-Wan grabs it.)

Obi: Now what Master?

Qui: Put the loop over your head and around your waist.

Bant: That sounds painful.

Obi: Master where did you get this rope? It's shedding. All these little pieces are getting on my hands.

Qui: If you like, I can arrange for you to stay where you are for the night.

Obi: NO! I'm putting the rope around my waist now. Okay, I'm ready.

(Slowly, Qui-Gon pulled his apprentice out of the Well, and to safety. When Obi-Wan hit the ground, he was never so happy.)

Obi: Thanks Master. It's spooky down there. Uh oh.

Qui: What?

Obi: I left my boot down there.

Qui: I should sell you now, while you are still young.

Obi: Sorry Master. Should I go back down and get it?

Qui: No, you have others and we can replace this pair.

Bant: Here Obi, you still have this one.

Qui: You going to put it on?

Obi: No sir.

Qui: Why not?

Obi: The only thing worse than walking back to my quarters soaking wet and with brown socks that used to me white, is walking home with one boot on and one boot off. I'll truly look like an idiot then.

Bant: To late Obi.

Obi: Thanks for the encouragement Bant.

(As they began the slow walk home, Qui-Gon turned to his student.)

Qui: So, was it worth all this? Hours stuck in a Well, just to satisfy your hormones?

Obi: No. I should have just gone and talked to her, but instead, I do this. Why would I do something to stupid? Why don't I think these things through first?

Bant: Because.

Obi: Because why?

Bant: Because you are a typical male. It's in your nature to act without thinking. And you probably will do something like this again. It can't be avoided.

Obi: Oh, and girls don't to stupid things?

Bant: Sure we do, but, we are smarter than you, and able to cover our mistakes up without them being to noticeable. You'll see in time. You may be stronger, but we still have the advantage.

Obi: I am not getting into this with you. Master? Let's just please go home.

Qui: I believe we are padawan. Bant? If you would be so kind as to excuse us, I must decide on a punishment for Obi-Wan.

Bant: Sure Master Jinn. Talk to ya later Obi.

(They arrive at the shared apartment, Qui-Gon pushes Obi-Wan towards the bathroom.)

Qui: Get cleaned up, and I will talk to you later.

Obi: Are you going to punish me for my stupidity?

Qui: No, I am going to punish you for ruining a very expensive pair of boots.

Obi: Is Bant right? Are men really like that?

Qui: Unfortunately, yes, we are. But learn from me. I have learned valuable lessons from Master Bren. The one thing she does, is to think before she speaks. You should to the same. Well, in your case, you should do as Bant suggests...think before you act. You do stupid things padawan, but nothing that I myself didn't do when I was your age. Don't worry, you'll grow out of some of it as you get older.

Obi: I hope so. Master?

Qui: Yes Obi-Wan?

Obi: Did you ever do anything dumb trying to get Master Brens attention?

Qui: Well, just once. I saw her one day near the initiates outdoor training facility. I was in a bran new state of the art speeder. Thought I could impress her with a few fancy moves. So, I started into these wild manuvers and such. She was standing there...then she waved at me. I got this big, stupid grin on my face...then BOOM! I landed right in this huge mud filled ditch. The front of the speeder stuck in 3 feet of mud. She walked over and laughed, saying... 'Nice moves Stretch. Next time, watch where you land.'

Obi: She likes you now.

Qui: That's because I learned from my mistakes. The next time, instead of acting like a fool, I walked up to her and spoke to her like a gentleman.

Obi: And?

Qui: She still rejected me.

Obi: So, what happened then?

Qui: I was persistent and charming and...well, I was myself.

Obi: Wow! That works? Just being yourself? I should try that.

Qui: You'd be amazed at how well it works. Try it next time you see Padawan Robi. And whatever you do, stop following her around like a lost Bantha pup. That's just sad. Makes you look desperate.

Obi: So you don't mind if she is older than I am?

Qui: Oh, you are not going out with her or with anyone. Dating is off limits for you until you reach 16.

Obi: Master?

Qui: No Obi-Wan, don't go there. Your training is what is important. You will have plenty of time in your life to act dumb for the female of the species. Trust me, they are not going anywhere. Now, off to the shower, that brown well water is dripping on my carpet.

Obi: When I am 16, then can I date Padawan Robi?

Qui: No.

Obi: How about when I am 20.

Qui: No.

Obi: When I am a Knight?

Qui: No.

Obi: Master? What about when you are one with the Force?

Qui: No. But if you don't get in that shower right now, YOU will be one with the Force sooner than you think.

Obi: Whoever said that life as an Apprentice would be the greatest years of my life, should be shot.

Qui: You can shoot them after your shower. Now, GO!

Obi: Yes, Master. (Obi-Wan shuts the door to the bathroom behind him.)

Qui: And whoever said that training a padawan was like pulling teeth, was right. But, I wouldn't trade it for anything. These are the best years of my life. Of that, I have no doubt.

END